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SAMANTHA 


AT 


THE      WORLD'S      FAIR 


c  V 


<S#> 


The  minute  we  passed  the  gate  we  wuz   overwhelmed  with  the 
unspeakable  aspect  of  the  buildix's. 

See  page  226. 


SAMANTHA 

AT    THE     WORLDS     FAIR 


BY 

JOSIAH  ALLEN'S  WIFE 

(marietta   holley) 


ILLUSTRATED 
BY 

BARON     C.    DE    GRIMM 

Fiftieth  Thousand 
PRINTED  IN  THE  UNITED  ST  A  TES 


*Ccto=¥orfc 

FUNK    &    WAGNALLS    COMPANY 

London  and  Toronto 

«893 


Copyright,  1893,  by  the 
FUNK  &  WAGNALLS  COMPANY. 

[Registered  at  Stationer's  Hall,  London,  England.] 


TO 

WHO     HAS    JEST    SAILED    OUT     AND     DISCOVERED 
WOMAN.      AND    TO   THE   SECT   DISCOVERED 

THIS  BOOK  IS  DEDICA  TED. 


PREFACE. 


It  wuz  a  beautiful  evenin'  in  Jonesville,  and  the 
World.  The  Earth  wuz  a-settin'  peaceful  and  serene 
under  the  glowin'  light  of  a  full  moon  and  some 
stars,  and  I  sot  jest  as  peaceful  and  calm  under  the 
meller  light  of  our  hangin'  lamp  and  the  blue  radi- 
ance of  my  companion's  two  orbs. 

Two  arm-chairs  covered  with  handsome  buff 
copper-plate  wruz  drawed  up  on  each  side  of  the 
round  table,  that  had  a  cheerful  spread  on't,  and  a 
basket  of  meller  apples  and  pears. 

Dick  Swiveller,  our  big  striped  pussy-cat  (Thomas 
J.  named  him),  lay  stretched  out  in  luxurious  ease 
on  his  cushion,  a-watchin'  with  dignified  indulgence 
the  gambollin'  of  our  little  pup  dog.  He  is  young 
yet,  and  Dick  looked  lenient  on  the  innocent  ca- 
perin's  of  youth. 

Dick  is  very  wise. 

The  firelight  sparkled  on  the  clean  hearth,  the 
lamplight  gleamed  down  onto  my  needles  as  I  sot 
peaceful  a-seamin'  two  and  two,  and  the  same  radi- 
ance rested  lovin'lv  on   the  shinin'  bald  head  of  my 


pardner  as  he  sot  a-readin'  his  favorite  production, 
the  World. 

All  wuz  relapsted  into  silence,  all  wuz  peace, 
till  all  to  once  my  pardner  dropped  his  paper,  and 
sez  he — - 

"  Samantha,  why  not  write  a  book  on't  ?" 

It  started  me,  comin'  so  onexpected  onto  me,  and 
specially  sence  he  wuz  always  so  sot  aginst  my 
swingin'  out  in  Literatoor. 

I  dropped  two  or  three  stitches  in  my  inward 
agitation,  but  instinctively  I  catched  holt  of  my 
dignity,  and  kep  calm  on  the  outside. 

And  sez  I,  "Write  a  book  on  what,  Josiah 
Allen  ?" 

"  Oh,  about  the  World's  Fair  !"  sez  he. 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  with  a  deep  sithe,  "  I  had  thought 
on't,  but  I'd  kinder  dreaded  the  job." 

And  he  went  on  :  "  You  know,"  sez  he,  "  that  We 
wrote  one  about  the  other  big  Fair,  and  if  We  don't 
do  as  well  by  this  one  it'll  make  trouble,"  sez  he. 

"  We  !"  sez  I  in  my  own  mind,  and  in  witherin' 
axents,  but  I  kep  calm  on  the  outside,  and  he  went 
on — 

"  Our  book,"  sez  he,  "  that  Wc  wrote  on  the 
other  big  Fair  in  Filadelfy,  I  spoze  wuz  thought  as 
much  on  and  wuz  as  popular  for  family  readin'  as 
ever  a  President's  message  wuz  ;  and  after  payin'  at- 


PREFACE.  ix 

tention  to  that  as  We  did,  We  hadn't  ort  to  slight 
this  one.     We  can't  afford  to,"  sez  he. 

"Can't  afford  to  ?"  sez  I  dreamily. 

"  No  ;  We  can't  afford  to,"  sez  he,  "  and  keep  Our 
present  popularity.  Now,  there's  every  chance,  so 
fur  as  I  can  see,  for  me  to  be  elected  Path-Master, 
and  the  high  position  of  Salesman  of  the  Jonesville 
Cheese  Factory  has  been  as  good  as  offered  to  me 
agin  this  year.  It  is  because  We  are  popular,"  sez 
he,  "  that  I  have  these  positions  of  trust  and  honor 
held  out  to  me.  We  have  wrote  books  that  have 
took,  Samantha.  Now,  what  would  be  the  result  if 
We  should  slight  Columbus  and  turn  Our  backs  onto 
America  in  this  crisis  of  her  history  ?  It  would  be 
simply  ruinous  to  Our  reputation  and  my  official  as- 
pirations. Everybody  would  be  mad,  and  kick, 
from  the  President  down.  More'n  as  likely  as  not 
I  should  never  hold  another  office  in  Jonesville. 
Cheese  would  be  sold  right  over  my  head  by  I  know 
not  who.  I  should  be  ordered  out  to  work  on  the 
road  like  a  dog  by  Ury  jest  as  like  as  not.  I've 
been  a-settin'  here  and  turnin'  it  over  in  my  mind  ; 
and  though,  as  you  say,  I  hain't  always  favored  the 
idee  of  writin',  still  at  the  present  time  I  believe 
We'd  better  write  the  book.  There's  ink  in  the 
house,  hain't  there  ?"  sez  he  anxiously. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I. 


"  And  paper  ?"  sez  he. 

Agin  I  sez,  "  Yes." 

"Wall,  then,  when  there's  ink  and  paper,  what's 
to  hender  Our  writin'  it  ?" 

"  Our  !"  "  We  !"  i\gin  them  words  entered  ray 
soul  like  lead  arrows  and  gaulded  me,  but  agin  I 
looked  up,  and  the  clear  light  of  affection  that  shone 
from  my  pardner's  eyes  melted  them  arrows,  and  I 
suffered  and  wuz  calm.      But  anon  I  sez — 

"  Don't  great  emotions  rise  up  in  your  soul,  Josiah 
Allen,  when  you  think  of  Columbus  and  the  World's 
work  ?  Don't  the  mighty  waves  of  the  past  and  the 
future  dash  up  aginst  your  heart  when  you  think 
of  Christopher,  and  what  he  found,  and  what  is 
behind  this  nation,  and  what  is  in  front  of  it, 
a-bagonin'  it  onwards  ?" 

"  No,"  sez  he  calmly ;  "  I  look  at  it  with  the 
eye  of  a  business  man,  and  with  that  eye,"  sez  he, 
"  I  say  less  write  the  book." 

He  ceased  his  remarks,  and  agin  silence  rained  in 
the  room. 

But  to  me  the  silence  wuz  filled  with  voices  that 
he  couldn't  hear— deep,  prophetic  voices  that  shook 
my  soul.  Eyes  whose  light  the  dust  fell  on  four 
hundred  years  ago  shone  agin  on  me  in  that  quiet 
room  in  Jonesville,  and  hanted  me.  Heroic  hands 
that  wuz  clay  centuries  ago  bagoned  to  me  to  foller 


PREFACE.  XI 

'em  where  they  led  me.  And  so  on  down  through 
the  centuries  the  viewless  hosts  passed  before  me 
and  gin  me  the  silent  countersign  to  let  me  pass  into 
their  ranks  and  jine  the  army.  And  then,  away  out 
into  the  future,  the  Shadow  Host  defiled — fur  off, 
fur  off — into  the  age  of  Freedom,  and  Justice,  and 
Perfect  rights  for  man  and  woman,  Love,  Joy,  Peace. 

Josiah  didn't  see  none  of  these  performances. 

No  ;  two  pardners  may  set  side  by  side,  and  yet 
worlds  lay  between  'em.  He  wuz  agin  immersed 
in  his  ambitious  reveries. 

I  didn't  tell  him  the  heft  or  the  size  of  my  emo- 
tions as  I  mentally  tackled  the  job  he  proposed  to 
me — there  wuzn't  no  use  on't.  I  only  sez,  as  I 
looked  up  at  him  over  my  specs— 

"Josiah,  We  will  write  the  book." 


SAMANTHA  AT  THE  WORLD'S  FAIR. 


CHAPTER    I. 

HRISTOPHER    COLUMBUS     has 

always  been  a  objeet  of  extreme 
interest  and  admiration  to  me 
ever  sence  I  first  read  about  him  in 
my  old  Olney's  Gography,  up  to  the 
time  when  I  hearn  he  wuz  a-goin' 
to  be  eelebrated  in  Chicago. 

1  always  looked   up  to  Chris- 
topher,  I   always    admired    him, 
and  in  a  modest  and  meetin'-house  sense,  I  will  say 
boldly  and  with  no  fear  of  Josiah   before  my   eyes 
that  I  loved  him. 

Havin'  such  feelin's  for  Christopher  Columbus, 
as  I  had,  and  havin'  such  feelin's  for  New  Discover- 
ers, do  you  spoze  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  have  a  celebra- 
tion gin  for  him,  and  also  for  us  as  bein'  discovered 
by  him,  without  attendin'  to  it  ? 

No,    indeed  !      I    made    calculations    ahead    from 


2  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

the  very  first  minute  it  wuz  spoke  on,  to  attend 
to  it. 

And  feelin'  as  I  did — all  wrought  up  on  the  sub- 
ject of  Christopher  Columbus — it  wuz  a  coincer- 
dence  singular  enough  to  skair  anybody  almost  to 
death — to  think  that  right  on  the  very  day  Christo- 
pher discovered  America,  and  us  (only  400  years 
later),  and  on  the  very  day  that  I  commenced  the 
fine  shirt  that  Josiah  wuz  a-goin'  to  wear  to  Chica- 
go to  celebrate  him  in — 

That  very  Friday,  if  you'll  believe  me,  Christo- 
pher Columbus  walked  right  into  our  kitchen  at 
Jonesville — and  discovered  me. 

Yes,  Christopher  Columbus  Allen,  a  relative  I 
never  had  seen,  come  to  Jonesville  and  our  house 
on  his  way  to  the  World's  Fair. 

Jest  to  think  on't — Christopher  Columbus  Allen, 
who  had  passed  his  hull  life  up  in  Maine,  and  then 
descended  down  onto  us  at  such  a  time  as  this, 
when  all  the  relations  in  Jonesville  wuz  jest  riz  up 
about  the  doin's  of  that  great  namesake  of  hisen — 
And  the  gussets  wuz  even  then  a-bein'  cut  out  and 
sewed  on  to  the  shirt  that  wuz  a-goin'  to  encompass 
Josiah  Allen  about  as  he  went  to  Chicago  to  cele- 
brate him — 

That  then,  on  that  Friday,  p.m.,  about  the  time  of 


*Cz*§ 


n*w»7 


If  you'll  believe  me,  Christopher  Columbus  Allen  walked 
right  into  our  kitchen— and  discovered  me. 


4  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

day  that  the  Injuns  wuz  a-kneelin'  to  the  first 
Christopher,  to  think  that  Josiah  Allen  should  walk 
in  the  new  Columbus  into  our  kitchen — why,  I  don't 
spoze  a  more  singular  and  coincidin'  circumstance 
ever  happened  before  durin'  the  hull  course  of  time. 

The  only  incident  that  mellered  it  down  any  and 
made  it  a  little  less  miracalous  wuz  the  fact  that  he 
never  had  been  called  by  his  full  name. 

He  always  has  been,  is  now,  and  I  spoze  always 
will  be  called  Krit — Krit  Allen. 

But  still  it  wuz — in  spite  of  thismellerin'  and  ame- 
lioratin'  circumstance — strikin'  and  skairful  enough 
to  fill  me  with  or. 

He  wuz  a  double  and  twisted  relation,  as  you  may 
say,  bein'  related  to  us  on  both  our  own  sides,  Josi- 
ah's  and  mine. 

But  I  had  never  sot  eyes  on  him  till  that  day, 
though  I  well  remember  visitin'  his  parents,  who 
lived  then  in  the  outskirts  of  Loontown — good  re- 
spectable Methodist  Epospical  people — and  runners 
of  a  cheese  factory  at  that  time. 

Tryphenia  Smith,  relation  on  my  side,  married  to 
Ezra  Allen,  relation  on  Josiah's  side. 

I  remember  that  I  went  there  on  a  visit  with  my 
mother  at  a  very  early  period  of  my  existence.  I 
hadn't   existed   at   that   time  more'n  nine  years,  if  I 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  5 

had  that.  We  staid  there  on  a  stiddy  stretch  for  a 
week  ;  that  wuz  jest  before  they  moved  up  to  Maine. 

Uncle  Ezra  had  a  splendid  chance  offered  him 
there,  and  he  fell  in  with  it. 

She  wuz  a  dretful  good  creeter,  Aunt  Tryphenia 
wuz,  and  greatly  beloved  by  the  relations  on  his 
side,  as  well  as  hern. 

Though,  as  is  nateral  with  relations,  she  had  to  be 
run  by  'em  more  or  less,  and  found  fault  with. 
Some  thought  her  nose  wuz  too  long.  Some  on  'em 
thought  she  wuz  too  religious,  and  some  on  'em 
thought  she  wuzn't  religious  enough.  Some  on 
'em  thought  she  wuzn't  sot  enough  on  the  creeds, 
and  some  thought  she  wuz  too  rigid. 

But,  howsumever,  pretty  nigh  all  the  Aliens  and 
Smiths  jest  doted  on  her. 

There  wuz  one  incident  that  jest  impressed  itself 
on  my  memory  in  connection  with  that  visit,  and  I 
don't  spoze  I  shall  ever  forgit  it ;  it  stands  to  reason 
that  I  should  before  now,  if  I  ever  wuz  a-goin'  to. 

It  took  place  at  family  prayers,  which  they  held 
regular  at  Uncle  Ezra's. 

It  wuz  right  in  the  hite  of  sugarin'.  They  had 
more'n  two  hundred  maple  trees,  and  they  had  tapped 
'em  all,  and  they  had  run  free,  and  they  had  to  sugar 
off  every  day,  and  sometimes  twice  a  day. 


6  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

That  mornin'  they  had  a  big  kettle  of  maple  syrup 
over  the  stove,  and  Unele  Ezra  and  Aunt  Tryphenia 
and  mother  wuz  all  a-kneelin'  down  pretty  nigh 
to  the  stove.  It  wuz  a  eold  mornin',  and  I  wuz 
a-settin'  with  my  little  legs  a-hangin'  off  the  chair 
a-watchin'  things,  not  at  that  age  bein'  particular 
interested  in  religion. 

Uncle  Ezra  made  a  long  prayer,  a  tegus  one,  it 
seemed  to  me  ;  it  wuz  so  long  that  the  kettle  of 
sugar  had  het  up  fearful,  and  I  see  with  deep  anxiety 
that  it  wuz  a-mountin'  up  most  to  the  top  of  the 
kettle. 

Of  course  I  dassent  move  to  open  the  stove  door, 
or  stir  it  down,  or  anything— no,  I  dassent  make  a 
move  of  any  kind  or  a  mite  of  noise  in  prayer 
time.  So  I  sot  demute,  but  in  deep  anxiety, 
a-watchin'  it  sizzle  up  higher  and  higher  and  then 
down  agin,  as  is  the  way  of  syrup,  but  each  time  a 
sizzlin'  up  a  little  higher. 

Wall,  finally  Uncle  Ezra  got  through  with  his 
prayer,  and  dear  good  Aunt  Tryphenia  begun  hern. 
She  spoke  dretful  kinder  moderate,  but  religious 
and  good  as  anything  could  be. 

I  well  remember  what  it  wuz  she  wuz  sayin' — 

"O  Lord,  let  us  be  tried  as  by  fire  and  not  be 
move*d" — T    remember   she   said   move'd  instead   of 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  7 

moved,  which  wuz  impressive  to  me,  never  havin' 
hearn  it  pronounced  that  way  before. 

And  jest  as  she  said  this  overwent  the  sugar  onto 
the  stove,  and  Aunt  Tryphenia  and  Uncle  Ezra 
jest  jumped  right  up  and  went  and  lifted  the  kettle 
offen  the  stove. 

I  remember  well  how  kinder  bewildered  and 
curious  mother  looked  when  she  opened  her  eyes 
and  see  that  the  prayer  wuz  broke  right  short  off. 
Aunt  Tryphenia  looked  meachin',  and  Uncle  Ezra 
put  his  hat  right  on  and  went  out  to  the  barn. 

It  wuz  dretful  embarrissin'  to  him  and  Aunt 
Tryphenia.  But  then  I  don't  know  as  they  could 
have  helped  it. 

I  remember  hearin'  Father  and  Mother  arguin' 
about  it.  Father  thought  she  done  right,  but 
Mother  wuz  kinder  of  the  opinion  that  she  ort  to 
have  run  the  prayer  right  on  and  let  the  sugar  spile 
if  necessary. 

But  I  remember  Father's  arguin'  that  he  didn't  be- 
lieve her  prayer  would  have  been  very  lucid  or 
fervent,  with  all  that  batch  of  sugar  a-sizzlin'  and 
a-burnin'  right  by  the  side  of  her. 

I  remember  that  he  said  that  a  prayer  wouldn't  be 
apt  to  ascend  much  higher  than  where  one's  hopes 
and  thoughts  wuz.  and  he  didn't  believe  it  would  pfo 


8  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

up  much  higher  than  that  kettle.  (The  stove  wuz 
the  common  height,  not  over  four  feet.) 

But  Mother  held  to  her  own  opinion,  and  so  did 
a  good  many  of  the  relations,  mostly  females.  It 
wuz  talked  over  quite  a  good  deal  amongst  the 
Smiths.  The  wimmen  all  blamed  Tryphenia  more 
or  less.  The  men  mostly  approved  of  savin'  the 
sugar. 

But  good  land  !  how  I  am  eppisodin',  and  to 
resoom  and  go  on. 

As  I  say,  it  wuz  jest  after  this  that  Uncle  Ezra's 
folks  moved  up  to  Maine,  Christopher  Columbus 
bein'  still  onborn  for  years  and  years. 

But  bein'  born  in  due  time,  or  rather  as  I  may  say 
out  of  due  time,  for  Uncle  Ezra  and  Aunt  Try- 
phenia had  been  married  over  twenty  years  before 
they  had  a  child,  and  then  they  branched  out  and 
had  two,  and  then  stopped — 

But  bein'  born  at  last  and  growin'  up  to  be  a 
good-lookin'  young  man  and  well-to-do  in  the  world, 
he  come  out  to  Jonesville  on  business  and  also  to 
foller  up  the  ties  of  relationship  that  wuz  stretched 
out  acrost  hill  and  dale  clear  from  Maine  to  Jones- 
ville. 

Strange  ties,  hain't  they  ?  that  are  so  little  that 
they  are  invisible  to  the  naked  eye,  or  spectacles,  or 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  9 

the  keenest  microscope,  and  yet  are  so  strong  and 
lastin'  that  the  strongest  sledge-hammer  can't  break 
'em  or  even  make  a  dent  into  'em. 

And  old  Time  himself,  that  crumbles  stun  work 
and  mountains,  can't  seem  to  make  any  impression 
on  'em.      Curious,  hain't  it  ? 

But  to  leave  moralizin'  and  to  resoom,  it  was  on 
Friday,  p.  m.,  that  he  arrove  at  our  home. 

I  see  a  good-lookin'  young  chap  a-comin'  up  the 
path  from  the  front  gate  with  my  Josiah,  and  I 
hastily  but  firmly  turned  mv  apron  the  other  side 
out — -I  had  been  windin'  some  blue  yarn  that  day  for 
some  socks  for  my  Josiah,  and  had  colored  it  a  little — 
it  wuz  a  white  apron — and  then  I  waited  middlin' 
serene  till  he  come  in  with  him. 

And  lo  !  and  behold  !  Josiah  introduced  him  as 
Christopher  Columbus  Allen,  my  own  cousin  on 
my  own  side,  and  also  on  hisen. 

He  wuz  a  very  good-lookin'  chap,  some  older  than 
Thomas  Jefferson,  and  I  do  declare  if  he  didn't 
look  some  like  him,  which  wouldn't  be  nothin' 
aginst  the  law,  or  aginst  reason,  bein'  that  they  wuz 
related  to  each  other. 

I  wuz  glad  enough  to  see  him,  and  I  inquired 
after  the  relations  with  considerable  interest,  and 
some    affection    (not    such    an    awful    sight,    never 


IO  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

havin'  seen  'em  much,  but  a  little,  jest  about 
enough). 

And  then  I  learnt  with  some  sadness  that  his 
father  and  mother  had  passed  away  not  long  before 
that,  and  that  his  sister  Isabelle  wuz  not  over  well. 

And  there  wuz  another  coincerdence  that  struck 
aginst  me  almost  hard  enough  to  knock  me 
down. 

Isabelle  !  jest  think  on't,  when  my  mind  wuz  on  a 
perfect  strain  about  Isabelle  Casteel. 

Columbus  and  Isabelle  ! — the  idee  ! 

Why,  my  reason  almost  tottered  on  its  throne 
under  my  recent  best  head-dress,  when  I  hearn  him 
speak  the  name.  Christopher  Columbus  a  tell  in' 
me  about  Isabelle — 

I  declare  I  wuz  that  wrought  up  that  I  expected 
every  minute  to  hear  him  tell  me  somethin'  about 
Ferdinand ;  but  I  do  believe  that  I  should  have 
broke  down  under  that. 

But  it  wuz  all  explained  out  to  me  afterwards  by 
another  relation  that  come  onto  us  onexpected 
shortly  afterwards. 

It  seemed  that  Uncle  Ezra  and  Aunt  Tryphenia, 
after  they  went  to  Maine,  moved  into  a  sort  of  a 
new  place,  where  it  wuz  dretful  lonesome. 

They  lost  every  book  they  had,  owin'  to  a  axident 


12  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

on  their  journey,  and  the  only  book  their  nighest 
neighbor  had  wuz  the  life  of  Queen  Isabelle. 

And  so  Aunt  Tryphenia  for  years  wuz,  as  you  may 
say,  jest  saturated  with  that  book.  And  she  named 
her  two  children,  born  durin'  that  time  of  saturation, 
Christopher  Columbus  and  Isabelle.  And  I  pre- 
soom  if  she  had  had  another,  she  would  have  named 
it  King  Ferdinand.  Though  I  hain't  sure  of  this — 
you  can't  be  postive  certain  of  any  such  thing  as 
this.  Besides  it  might  have  been  born  a  girl  onbe- 
known  to  her. 

But  I  know  that  she  never  washed  them  children 
with  anything  but  Casteel  soap,  and  she  talked 
sights  and  sights  about  Spain  and  things. 

So  I  hearn  from  Uncle  Jered  Smith,  who  visited 
them  while  he  wuz  up  on  a  tower  through  Maine, 
a-sellin'  balsam  of  pine  for  the  lungs. 

Wall,  Isabelle  had  a  sort  of  a  runnin'  down,  so 
Krit  said.  He  begged  us  to  call  him  that — said  that 
all  his  mates  at  school  called  him  so.  He  had  been 
educated  quite  high.  Had  been  to  deestrick  school 
sights,  and  then  to  a  'Cademy  and  College.  He  had 
kinder  worked  his  way  up,  so  I  found  out,  and  so 
had  Isabelle. 

She  had  graduated  from  a  Young  Woman's 
College,  taught  school  to  earn  her  money,  and  then 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  1 3 

went  to  school  as  long  as  that  would  last,  and  then 
would  set  out  and  teach  agin,  and  then  go  agin  and 
then  taught,  and  then  went. 

She  wuz  younger  than  Christopher,  but  he  owned 
up  to  me  that  it  wuz  her  example  that  had  rousted 
him  up  to  exert  himself. 

She  wuz  awful  ambitious,  Isabelle  wuz.  She  wuz 
smart  as  she  could  be,  and  had  a  feelin'  that  she 
wanted  to  be  sunthin'  in  the  World. 

But  then  the  old  folks  wuz  took  down  sick  and 
helpless,  and  one  of  the  children  had  to  stay  to  home. 
And  Isabelle  staid,  and  sent  Krit  out  into  the 
World. 

She  sold  her  jewels  of  Ambition  and  Happiness, 
and  gin  him  the  avails  of  them. 

She  staid  to  home  with  the  old  folks — kinder 
peevish  and  fretful,  Krit  said  they  wuz,  too — and  let 
him  go  a-sailin'  out  on  the  broad  ocean  of  life  ;  she 
had  trimmed  her  own  sails  in  such  hope,  but  had 
to  curb  'em  in  now  and  lower  the  topmast 

You  have  to  reef  your  sails  considerable  when 
you  are  a-sailin'  round  in  a  small  bedroom  between 
two  beds  of  sickness  (asthma  and  inflammatory  rheu- 
matiz).  You  have  to  haul  'em  in,  and  take  down 
the  fTyin'  penneri  of.  Hope  and  Asperation,  and 
mount   up  the   lamp  of   Duty  and  Meekness  for  a 


H 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR 


figger-head,   instead  of    the  glowin'  face   of  Proud 

Endeavor. 

But  them  lamps  give  a  dretful  meller,  soft  light, 

when  they  are  well  mounted  up,  and  firm  sot. 

The  light  on  'em  hain't  to  be 
compared  to  any  other  light  on 
sea  or  on  shore.  It  wrops  'em 
round  so  serene  and  glowin'  that 
walks  in  it.  It  rests  on  their 
mild  forwards  in  a  sort  of  a  halo 
that  shines  off  on  the  hard 
things  of  this  life  and  makes 
'em  endurable,  takes  the  edge 
kinder  off  of  the  hardest,  keen- 
est sufferin's,  and  goes  before 
'em  throwin'  a  light  over  the 
deep  waters  that  must  be  passed, 
and  sort  o'  melts  in  and  loses 
itself  in    the    inefrible    radiance 

that  streams  out  from  acrost  the  other  side. 

It  is  a  curious  light  and  a  beautiful  one.      And 

Isabelle  jest  journeyed  in  its  full  radiance. 

Wall,  Isabelle  would  do  what  she  sot  out  to  do, 

you  could  see  that  by  her  face.      Krit   had  brought 

her  photograph  with  him — he  thought  his  eyes  of 

her — and  I  liked  her  looks  first  rate. 


<i>" 


Isabelle  staid,  and  sent  Krit 
out  into  the  world. 


SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  15 

It  wuz  a  beautiful  face,  with  more  than  beauty  in 
it  too.  It  wuz  inteligent  and  serene,  with  the 
serenity  of  the  sweet  soul  within.  And  it  had  a 
look  deep  down  in  the  eyes,  a  sort  of  a  shadow  that 
is  got  by  passin'  through  the  Valley  of  Sorrow. 

I  hearn  afterwards  what  that  look  meant. 

Isabelle  had  been  engaged  to  a  smart,  well-meanin' 
chap,  Tom  Freeman  by  name,  not  over  and  above 
rich,  and  one  that  had  his  own  duties  to  attend  to. 
Two  helpless  aged  ones,  and  two  little  nieces  to  took 
care  on,  and  nobody  but  himself  to  earn  the  money 
to  do  it  with. 

The  little  nieces'  Pa  had  gone  to  California  after 
his  wife's  death— and  hadn't  been  hearn  from  sence. 
The  little  children  had  been  left  with  their  grand- 
parents and  Uncle  Tom  to  stay  till  their  Pa  got 
back.  And  as  he  didn't  git  back,  of  course  they 
kept  on  a-stayin',  and  had  to  be  took  care  on. 
They  wuz  bright  little  creeters,  and  the  very 
apples  of  their  eyes.  But  they  cost  money,  and  they 
cost  love,  and  Tom  had  to  give  it,  for  they  lost  what 
little  property  they  had  about  this  time — and  the 
feeble  Grandma  couldn't  do  much,  and  the  Grandpa 
died  not  long  after  the  eppisode  I  am  about  to 
relate. 

So  it  all  devolved  onto  Tom.      And  Tom  riz  up 


\6  SAMANTHA    AT    J  1 1 K    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

to  his  duties  nobly,  though  it  wuz  with  a  sad  heart, 
as  wuz  spozed,  for  Isabelle,  when  she  see  what  had 
come  onto  him  to  do,  wouldn't  hold  him  to  his  en- 
gagement— she  insisted  on  his  bein'  free. 

I  spoze  she  thought  she  wouldn't  burden  him 
with  two  more  helpless  ones,  and  then  mebby  she 
thought  the  two  spans  wouldn't  mate  very  well.  And 
most  probable  they  would  have  been  a  pretty  cross 
match.  (I  mean,  that  is,  a  sort  of  a  melancholy, 
down-sperited  yoke,  and  if  anybody  laughs  at  it,  I 
would  wish  'em  to  laugh  in  a  sort  of  a  mournful 
way.) 

Wall,  Tom  Freeman,  after  Isabelle  sot  him  free, 
bein'  partly  mad  and  partly  heartbroken,  as  is  the 
way  of  men  who  are  deep  in  love,  and  want  their 
way,  but  anyway  wantin'  to  keep  out  of  the  sight  of 
the  one  who,  if  he  couldn't  have  her  for  his  own,  he 
wanted  to  forgit — he  packed  up  bag  and  baggage 
and  went  West. 

Isabelle  wouldn't  correspond  with  him,  so  she 
told  him  in  that  last  hour — still  and  calm  on  the 
outside,  and  her  heart  a-bleedin'  on  the  inside,  I 
dare  presoom  to  say  ;  no,  she  wanted  him  to  feel 
free. 

What  creeters,  what  creeters  wimmen  be  for 
makin'  martyrs  of  themselves,  and  burnt  sacrifices — 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  1 7 

sometimes  I  most  think  they  enjoy  it,  and  then  agin 
I  don't  know  ! 

But  Isabelle  acted  from  a  sense  of  duty,  for  she 
jest  worshipped  the  ground  Tom  Freeman  walked 
on,  so  everybody  knew,  and  so  she  bid  adieu  to  Tom 
and  Happiness,  and  lived  on. 

Wall,  one  of  'em  must  stay  at  home  with  the  old 
folks,  either  she  or  Christopher  Columbus.  And 
when  a  man  and  a  woman  love  each  other  as  Isabelle 
and  Krit  did,  when  wuz  it  ever  the  case  but  what  if 
there  wuz  any  sacrificin'  to  do  the  woman  wuz  the 
one  to  do  it. 

It  is  her  nater,  and  I  don't  know  but  a  real  true 
woman  takes  as  much  comfort  in  bein'  sort  o' 
onhappy  for  the  sake  of  some  one  she  loves,  as  she 
would  in  swingin'  right  out  and  a-enjoyin'  herself 
first  rate. 

A  woman  who  really  loves  anything  has  the  mak- 
in'  of  a  first-class  martyr  in  her.  And  though  she 
may  not  be  ever  tied  to  a  stake,  and  gridirons  be 
fur  removed  from  her,  still  she  has  a  sort  of  a  silent 
hankerin'  or  aptitude  for  martrydom.  That  is,  she 
would  fur  rather  be  onhappy  herself  than  to  have 
the  beloved  object  wretched.  And  if  either  of  'em 
has  got  to  face  trouble  and  privation,  why  she  is  the 
one  that  stands  ready  to  face  'em. 


1 8  SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 

So  Isabelle  sent  Krit  off  into  the  great  world  to 
conquer  it  if  possible. 

And  Krit,  as  the  nater  of  man  is,  felt  that  he  would 
ruther  branch  and  work  his  way  along  through  the 
World,  and  work  hard  and  venter  and  dare  and  try 
to  conquer  fortune,  than  to  set  round  and  endure 
and  suffer  and  be  calm. 

Men  are  not,  although  they  are  likely  creeters  and 
I  wish  'em  well,  yet  truth  compels  me  to  say  that 
they  are  not  very  much  gin  to  follerin'  this  text,  "  To 
suffer  and  be  calm." 

No,  they  had  ruther  rampage  round  and  kill  the 
lions  in  the  way  than  to  camp  down  in  front  of  'em 
and  try  to  subdue  'em  with  kindness  and  long  suf- 
ferin'. 

Krit,  as  the  nateral  nater  of  man  is,  felt  that  he 
could  and  would  earn  a  good  place  in  the  World, 
win  it  with  hard  work,  and  then  lift  Isabelle  up  on- 
to the  high  platform  by  the  side  of  him. 

Though  whether  he  had  made  any  plans  as  how 
he  wuz  a-goin'  to  hist  up  the  two  feeble  old  invalids, 
that  I  can't  state,  not  knowin'. 

But  Isabelle,  he  did  lay  out  to  do  well  by  her, 
thinkin'  as  he  did  such  a  amazin'  lot  of  her,  and 
knowin'  how  she  gin  up  her  own  ambitious  hopes 
for    his  sake,   and    knowin'  well,   though  he  didn't 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  1 9 

really  feel  free  to  interfere,  how  she  had  signed 
the  death-warrant  to  her  own  happiness  when  she 
parted  with  Tom  Freeman.      But  so  it  wuz. 

Wall,  Krit  wouldn't  have  to  lift  up  the  old  folks 
onto  any  worldly  hite,  for  the  Lord  took  'em  up 
into  His  own  habitation,  higher  I  spoze  than  any 
earthly  mount.  About  six  months  before  Krit  come 
to  Jonesville,  they  both  passed  away  most  at  the 
same  time,  and  wuz  buried  in  one  grave. 

Wall,  we  all  on  us  in  Jonesville  thought  a  sight 
of  Krit  before  he  had  been  with  us  a  week.  He 
had  come  partly  to  see  a  man  in  Jonesville  on  par- 
ticular business,  and  partly  to  see  us.  He  wuz  a 
civil  engineer,  jest  as  civil  and  polite  a  one  as  I  ever 
laid  eyes  on,  and  wuz  a-doin'  well,  but  Thomas  Jef- 
ferson thought  he  could  help  him  to  a  still  better 
place  and  position. 

Thomas  J.  is  very  popular  in  Jonesville.  He  is 
doin'  a  big  business  all  over  the  county,  and  is  very 
influential. 

Wall,  Krit's  business  bid  fair  to  keep  him  for  some 
time  in  Jonesville  and  the  vicinity,  and  as  he  see 
that  Josiah  Allen  and  I  wuza-makin' preperations  to 
go  to  the  World's  Fair — and  bein'  warmly  pursuaded 
by  us  to  that  effect,  he  concluded  to  stay  and  accom- 
pany us  thither.      The  idee  wuz  very  agreeable  to  us. 


20  SAMANTIIA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

He  said  his  sister  Isabelle,  after  she  wuz  a  little 
recooperated  from  her  grief  for  the  old  folks,  and 
recovered  a  little  from  the  sickness  that  she  had 
after  they  left  her,  she  too  laid  out  to  come  on  to 
Chicago,  and  spend  a  few  weeks. 

He  wuz  a-layin'  out  to  reconoiter  round  and  find 
a  good  place  for  her  to  board  and  take  good  care  on 
her.      He  thought  enough  on  her — yes,  indeed. 

But,  as  he  said,  she  wuz  jest  struck  right  down 
seemin'ly  with  her  grief  at  the  loss  of  them  two  old 
folks. 

You  see,  if  your  head  has  been  a-restin'  for  some 
time  on  a  piller,  even  if  it  is  a  piller  of  stun,  wrhen  it 
is  drawed  out  sudden  from  under  you,  your  head 
jars  down  on  the  ground  dretful  heavy  and  hard. 

And  when  you've  been  carryin'  a  burden  for  a 
long  time,  when  it  is  took  sudden  from  you  you  have 
a  giddy  feelin',  you  feel  light  and  faint  and  wobblin'. 

And  then  she  loved  'em — she  loved  her  poor  old 
charges  with  a  daughter's  love  and  with  all  the  love 
a  mother  gives  to  a  helpless  baby,  with  the  pity  added 
that  gray  hairs  and  toothless  gums  must  amount  to 
added  up  over  the  sum  of  dimples  and  ivory  and 
coral  that  makes  up  a  baby's  beautiful  helplessness. 

And  they  wuz  took  from  her  dretful  sudden. 
There  wuz  a  sort   of  a  influenza  prevailin'  up  round 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


21 


their  way,  and  lots  of  strong  healthy  folks  suckumbed 
to  it,   and  it  struck   onto  these  poor  old  feeble  ones 
some  like  simiters,  and  mowed  'em  right  down. 
The  old  lad\'  wuz  took  down  first,  and  her  great 


Why,  there  stands  Pa,  and  he  wants  me  to  git  up  and  go 

WITH    HIM." 


anxiety  wuz — "That    Pa  shouldn't  know  that  she 
wuz  so  sick." 

But  before   she  died,  "Pa"  in   another  room  wuz 
took  with  it,  and  passed  away  a  day  before  she   did, 


22  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

She  worried  all  that  mornin'  about  "  Pa,"  and 
— "How  bad  he  would  feel  if  he  knew  she  wuz  so 
sick  !"  But  along  late  in  the  afternoon,  when  the 
Winter  sun  wuz  makin'  a  pale  reflection  on  the  wall 
through  the  south  winder,  she  looked  up,  and  sez 
she— 

"Why,  there  stands  Pa  right  by  my  bed,  and  he 
wants  me  to  git  up  and  go  with  him.  And,  Isabelle, 
1  must  go." 

And  she  did. 

And  Isabelle  wuz  left  alone. 

They  wuz  buried  in  one  grave,,  And  the  funeral 
sermon,  they  say,  wuz  enough  to  melt  a  stun,  if  there 
had  been  any  stuns  round  where  they  eould  hear  it. 

Isabelle  didn't  hear  it  (don't  git  the  idee  that  1 
am  a-wantin'  to  compare  her  to  a  stun  ;  no,  fur  from  it). 
She  wuz  a-layin'  to  home  on  abed,  with  her  sad  eyes 
bent  on  nothin'ess  and  emptiness  and  utter  desola- 
tion, so  it  seemed  to  her. 

But  after  a  time  she  begun  to  pick  up  a  little, 
judgin'  from  her  letters  to  her  brother  Krit.  He 
had  to  leave  her  jest  after  the  funeral  on  account  of 
his  business  ;  for,  civil  as  it  wuz,  it  had  to  be  tended  to. 


CHAPTER   II. 


Wall,  we  all  enjoyed  havin'  Christopher  there  the 
best  that  ever  wuz.      For  he  wuz  very  agreeable, 
as  well   as   uncommon   smart,    which   two   qualities 
don't  always  go  together,  as 
has   often  been    observed  by 
others,  and   I    have  seen  for 
myself. 

Wall,  it  wuzn't  more  than 
a  week  or  so  after  Krit  ar- 
rived and  got  there,  that  an- 
other relation  made  his  ap- 
pearance in  Jonesville. 

It  wuz  of  'em  on  his  side 
this  time — not  like  Krit,  half 
hisen  and  half  mine,  but 
clear  hisen.  Clear  Allen, 
with  no  Smith  at  all  in  the 
admixture. 

Proud   enough   wuz   my  pardner   of   him,  and   of 
himself  too  for  bein' born  his  cousin.      (Though  that 


^■f 


Tickled  wuz  he  when  word  come 


24  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

vvuz  onbeknown  to  him  at  the  time,  and  he  ort  not 
to  have  gloried  in  it.) 

But  tickled  wuz  he  when  word  come  that  Elna- 
than  Allen,  Esquire,  of  Menlo  Park,  California,  wuz 
a-comin'  to  Jonesville  to  visit  his  old  friends. 

That  man  had  begun  life  poor — poor  as  a  snipe; 
sometimes  I  used  to  handle  that  very  word  "Snipe" 
a-describin'  Elnathan  Allen's  former  circumstances 
to  Josiah,  when  he  got  too  overbearin'  about  him. 

For  he  had  boasted  to  me  about  him  fur  years, 
and  years,  and  a  woman  can't  stand  only  jest  about 
so  much  aggravatin'  and  treadin'  on  before  she  will 
turn  like  a  worm. 

That  is  Bible  about  'The  Worm,"  and  must  be 
believed. 

What  used  to  mad  me  the  worst  wuz  when  he 
would  git  to  comparin'  Elnathan  with  one  of  'em 
on  my  side  who  wuz  shiftless.  Good  land  !  'Zekiel 
Smith  hain't  the  only  man  on  earth  who  is  ornary 
and  no  account.  Every  pardner  has  'em,  more  or 
less,  on  his  side  and  on  hern  ;  let  not  one  pardner  boast 
themselves  over  the  other  one  ;  both  have  their  draw- 
backs. 

But  Elnathan  had  done  well;  I  admitted  it  only 
when  I  wuz  too  much  put  upon. 

He    had    gone    fur  West,  got    rich,    invested    his 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  25 

capital  first  rate,  some  on  it  in  a  big  Eastern  city,  and 
had  got  to  be  a  millionare. 

He  wuz  a  widower  with  one  child,  The  Little 
Maid,  as  he  called  her ;  he  jest  idolized  her,  and 
thought  she  wuz  perfect. 

And  I  spoze  she  wuz  oncommon,  not  from  what 
her  Pa  said — no,  I  didn't  take  all  his  talk  about  her 
for  Gospel;  I  know  too  much. 

But  Barzelia  Ann  Allen  (a  old  maid  up  to  date) 
had  seen  her,  had  been  out  to  California  on  a  excur- 
sion train,  and  had  staid  some  time  with  'em. 

And  she  said  that  she  wuz  the  smartest  child  this 
side  of  Heaven.  With  eyes  of  violet  blue,  big 
luminous  eyes,  that  draw  the  hearts  and  souls  of 
folks  right  out  of  their  bodies  when  they  looked 
into  'em,  so  full  of  radiant  joy  and  heavenly  sweet- 
ness wuz  they. 

And  hair  of  waving  gold,  and  lips  and  cheeks  as 
pink  as  the  hearts  of  the  roses  that  climbed  all 
Winter  round  her  wrinder — and  the  sweetest,  dainti- 
est ways — and  so  good  to  everybody,  them  that  wuz 
poor  and  sufferin'  most  of  all. 

Barzeel  wuz  always  most  too  enthusiastick  to  suit 
me,  but  I  got  the  idee  from  what  she  said  that  she 
wuz  a  oncommon  lovely  child. 

Good   land !   Klnathan    couldn't   talk   about   any- 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR. 


Here  he  got  two  bi< 


thing  else — like  little 


Jest  like 


babblin'    brooks    run- 

nin'    towards  the  sea, 

all  his  talk,  every  an- 
ecdote   he     told,    and 

every  idee  he  sot  forth, 

jest  led  up  to  and  ended  with  that  child. 

creeks. 

He  worshipped  her. 

And  he  himself  told  me  so  many  stories  about  her 
bein'  so  good  to  the  poor,  and  sacrincin'  her  little 
comforts  for  'cm— at  her  age,  too— that  I  thought  to 
myself,  I  wonder  why  you  don't  take  some  of  them 
object  lessons  to  heart — why  you  don't  set  down  at 
her  feet,  and  learn  of  her — and  I  wonder  too  where 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  2J 

she  took  her  sweet  charity  from,  but  spoze  it  wuz 
from  her  mother.  Her  mother  had  been  a  beautiful 
woman,  so  I  had  been  told.  She  wuz  a  Devereaux 
- — nobody  that  I  ever  knew,  or  Josiah.  Celeste 
Devereaux. 

The  little  girl  wuz  named  for  her  mother.  But 
they  alwavs  called  her  The  Little  Maid. 

Wall,  to  resoom,  and  to  hitch  my  horse  in  front 
of  the  wagon  agin.      (Allegory. ) 

Elnathan  had  left  The  Little  Maid  and  her  nurse 
in  that  Eastern  city  where  he  owned  so  much  prop- 
erty, and  had  come  on  to  pay  a  nyin'  visit  to  Jones- 
ville,  not  forgittin  Loontown,  you  may  be  sure, 
where  a  deceased  Aunt  had  jest  died  and  left  her 
property  to  him. 

He  wuz  close. 

He  had  left  The  Little  Maid  in  the  finest  hotel 
in  the  city,  so  he  said.  He  had  looked  over  more 'n 
a  dozen,  so  I  hearn,  before  he  could  git  one  he 
thought  wuz  healthy  enough  and  splendid  enough 
for  her.  At  last  he  selected  one,  standin'  on  a  con- 
siderable rise  of  ground,  with  big,  high,  gorgeous 
rooms,  and  prices  higher  than  the  very  topmost 
cupalo,  and  loftiest  dumbly  pot. 

Here  he  got  two  big  rooms  for  The  Little  Maid, 
and  one  for  the  nurse.      He  grot  the  two  rooms  for 


28  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

the  child  so's  the  air  could  circulate  through 
'em. 

He  wuz  very  particular  about  her  bavin'  air  of 
the  very  purest  and  best  kind  there  wnz  made,  and 
the  same  with  vittles  and  clothes,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Wall,  while  he  wuz  a-goin'  on  so  about  pure  air 
and  the  values  and  necessities  of  it,  I  couldn't  help 
thinkin'  of  what  Barzelia  had  told  me  about  that 
big  property  of  hisen  in  the  Eastern  city  where  he 
had  left  The  Little  Maid. 

Here,  in  the  very  lowest  part  of  the  city,  he 
owned  hull  streets  of  tenement  housen,  miserable 
old  rotten  affairs,  down  in  stiflin'  alleys,  and  courts, 
breeders  of  disease,  and  crime,  and  death. 

At  first  some  on  'em  fell  into  his  hands  by  a 
exchange  of  property,  and  he  found  they  paid  so 
well,  that  he  directed  his  agent  to  buy  up  a  lot  of 
'em. 

Barzelia  had  told  me  all  about  'em,  she  was  jest 
as  enthusiastick  about  what  she  didn't  like  as  what 
she  did  ;  she  said  the  money  got  in  that  way,  by 
housin'  the  poor  in  such  horrible  pestilental  places, 
seemed  jest  like  makin'  a  bargain  with  Death. 
Rentin'  housen  to  him  to  make  carnival  in. 

And  while  he  wuz  talkin'  to  such  great  length, 
and  with  such  a  satisfied  and  comfortable  look  onto 


SAMANTMA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  29 

his  face,  about  the  vital  necessities  of  pure  air  and 
beautiful  surroundin's,  in  order  to  make  children  well 
and  happy,  my  thoughts  kept  a-roamin',  and  I  couldn't 
help  it.  Down  from  the  lovely  spot  where  The 
Little  Maid  wuz,  down,  down,  into  the  dretful 
places  that  Barzelia  had  told  me  about.  Where 
squalor,  and  crime,  and  disease,  and  death  walked 
hand  in  hand,  gatherin'  new  victims  at  every  step, 
and  where  the  children  wuz  a-droppin'  down  in  the 
poisinous  air  like  dead  leaves  in  a  swamp. 

I  kep  a-thinkin'  of  this,  and  finally  I  tackled 
Elnathan  about  it,  and  he  laughed,  Elnathan  did, 
and  begun  to  talk  about  the  swarms  and  herds 
of  useless  and  criminal  humanity  a-cumberin'  the 
ground,  and  he  threw  a  lot  of  statisticks  at  me. 
But  they  didn't  hit  me.  Good  land  !  1  wuzn't 
afraid  on  'em,  nor  I  didn't  care  anything  abuut  'em, 
and  I  gin  him  to  understand  that  I  didn't. 

And  in  the  cause  of  duty  I  kep  on  a-tacklin' 
him  about  them  housen  of  hisen,  and  advisin' 
him  to  tear  'em  down,  and  build  wholesome  ones, 
and  in  the  place  of  the  worst  ones,  to  help  make 
some  little  open  breathin'  places  for  the  poor 
creeters  down  there,  with  a  green  tree  now  and 
then. 

And  then  agin  he  brung  up  the  utter  worthless- 


30  SAM  AM  Til  A    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR, 

ness,  and  shiftlessness,  and  viciousness  of  the  class  I 
wuz  a-talkin'  about. 

And  then  I  sez — "  How  is  anybody  a-goin'  to 
live  pattern  lives,  when  they  are  a-starvin'  to  death  ? 
And  how  is  anybody  a-goin  to  enjoy  religion  when 
they  are  a-chokin'  ?" 

And  then  he  threw  some  more  statisticks  at  me, 
dry  and  hard  ones  too  ;  and  agin  he  see  they  didn't 
hit  me,  and  then  he  kinder  laughed  agin,  and 
assumed  something  of  a  jokelar  air — such  as  men 
will  when  they  are  a-talkin'  to  wimmen — dretful  ex- 
asperating too — and  sez  he — 

"  You  are  a  Philosopher,  Cousin  Samantha,  and 
you  must  know  such  housen  as  you  are  a-talkin' 
about  are  advantageous  in  one  way,  if  in  no  other — 
they  help  to  reduce  the  surplus  population.  If  it 
wuzn't  for  such  places,  and  for  the  electric  wires, 
and  bomb  cranks,  and  accidents,  etc.,  the  world 
would  git  too  full  to  stand  up  in." 

"  Help  to  reduce  the  surplus  population  !"  sez  I, 
and  my  voice  shook  with  indignation  as  I  said  it. 
Sez  I— 

"  Elnathan  Allen,  you  had  better  stop  a-pilin'  up 
your  statisticks,  for  a  spell,  and  come  down  onto  the 
level  of  humanity  and  human  brotherhood." 

Sez  I,  "  Spozen  you  should  take  it  to  yourself  for 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  31 

a  spell,  imagine  how  it  would  be  with  you  if  you 
had  been  born  there  onbeknown  to  yourself."  Sez  I, 
"  If  you  wuz  a-livin'  down  there  in  them  horrible 
pits  of  disease  and  death — if  you  wuz  a-standin'  over 
the  dyin'  bed  of  wife  or  mother,  or  other  dear  one, 
and  felt  that  if  you  could  bring  one  fresh,  sweet 
breath  of  air  to  the  dear  one,  dyin'  for  the  want  of 
it,  you  would  almost  barter  your  hopes  of  eter- 
nity— 

"If  you  stood  there  in  that  black,  chokin'  atmos- 
phere, reekin'  with  all  pestilental  and  moral  death, 
and  see  the  one  you  loved  best  a-slippin'  away  from 
you — borne  out  of  your  sight,  borne  awav  into  the 
unknown,  on  them  dead  waves  of  poisinous,  deathly 
air — I  guess  you  wouldn't  talk  about  reducin'  the 
Surplus  Population." 

I  had  been  real  eloquent,  and  I  knew  it,  for  I  felt 
deeply  what  I  said. 

But  Elnathan  looked  cheerful  under  all  my  talk. 
It  didn't  impress  him  a  mite,  I  could  see. 

He  felt  safe.  He  wuz  sure  the  squalor  and  suffer- 
in'  never  would  or  could  touch  him.  He  thought, 
in  the  words  of  the  Him  slightly  changed,  that  :  "  He 
could  read  his  title  clear  to  Mansions  with  all  the 
modern  improvements." 

He  and  The  Little  Maid  wuz  safe.      The  world 


32  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

looked  further  off  to  him,  the  woes,  and  wants,  and 
crimes  of  our  poor  humanity  seemed  quite  a  consid- 
erable distance  away  from  him. 

Onclouded  prosperity  had  hardened  Elnathan's 
heart — it  will  sometimes — hard  as  Pharo's. 

But  he  wuz  a  visitor  and  one  of  the  relations  on 
his  side,  and  I  done  well  by  him,  killed  a  duck  and 
made  quite  a  fuss. 

The  business  of  settlin'  the  estate  took  quite  a 
spell,  but  he  didn't  hurry  any. 

He  said  "  the  nurse  wuz  good  as  gold,  she  would 
take  good  care  of  The  Little  Maid.  She  wrote  to 
him  every  day ;"  and  so  she  did,  the  hussy,  all 
through  that  dretful  time  to  come. 

Oh  dear  me  !  oh  dear  suz  ! 

The  nurse,  Jean,  had  a  sister  who  had  come  over 
from  England  with  a  cargo  ()f  trouble  and  children 
— after  Jean  had  come  on  to  California. 

And  Elnathan,  good-natured  when  he  wuz  a  mind 
to  be,  had  listened  to  Jean's  story  of  her  sister's  woes, 
with  poverty,  hungery  children,  and  a  drunken 
husband,  and  had  given  this  sister  two  small  rooms 
in  one  of  his  tenement  housen,  and  asked  so  little 
for  them,  that  they  wTuz  livin'  quite  comfortable,  if 
anybody  could  live  comfortable,  in  such  a  stiflin', 
nasty  spot. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  33 

Their  rooms  vvuz  on  top  of  the  house,  and  wuz 
kept  clean,  and  so  high  up  that  they  could  get  a 
breath  of  air  now  and  then. 

But  the  way  up  to  'em  led  over  a  crazy  pair  of 
stairs,  so  broken  and  rotten  that  even  the  Agent 
wuz  disgusted  with  'em  and  had  wrote  a  letter  to 
Elnathan  asking  for  new  stairs,  and  new  sanitary 
arrangements,  as  the  deaths  wuz  so  frequent  in  that 
particular  tenement,  that  the  Agent  wuz  frightened, 
for  fear  they  would  be  complained  of  by  the  City 
Fathers — though  them  old  fathers  can  stand  a  good 
deal  without  complainin'. 

Wall,  the  Agent  wrote,  but  Elnathan  wuz  at  that 
time  buildin'  a  new  orchid  house  (he  had  more'n  a 
dozen  of  'em  before)  for  The  Little  Maid  ;  she 
loved  these  half-human  blossoms. 

And  he  wuz  buildin'  a  high  palm  house,  and  a 
new  fountain,  and  a  veranda  covered  with  carved 
lattice-work  around  The  Little  Maid's  apartments. 
And  a  stained-glass  gallery,  leading  from  the  con- 
servatory to  the  greenhouses,  and  these  other  houses 
I  have  mentioned,  so  that  The  Little  Maid  could 
walk  out  to  'em  on  too  sunny  days,  or  when  it 
misted  some. 

And  so  he  wrote  back  to  his  Agent,  that  "lie 
couldn't    possibly    spend    any    money    on    stairs   or 


34 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


plumbin'  in  a  tenement  house,  for  the  repairs  he 
wuz  making  on  his  own  plaee  at  Menlo  Park  would 
cost  more  than  a  hundred  thousand  dollars — and  he 
felt  that  he  couldn't  fix  them  stairs,  and  he  thought 
anyway  it  wuzn't  best  to  listen  to  the  complaints  of 
complaining  tenants."  And  he  ended  in  that  jokelar 
way  of  hi  sen — 

"That  if  you  listened  to  'em,  and  done  one  thing 
for  'em,  the  next  thing  they  would  want  would  be 
velvet-lined  carriages  to  ride  out  in." 

And  the  Agent,  havin'  jest  seen  the  tenth  funeral 
a-wendin'  out  of  that  very  house  that  week,  and 
bein'  a  man  of  some  sense,  though  hampered,  wrote 
back  and  said — "  Carriages  wouldn't  be  the  next 
thing  that  they  would  all  want,  but  coffins." 

He  said  sence  he  had  wrote  to  Elnathan  more  than 
a  dozen  had  been  wanted  there  in  that  very  house, 
and  the  tenants  had  been  borne  out  in  'em. 

(And  laid  in  fur  cleaner  dirt   than  they  wuz 
accustomed  to  there  ;)  he  didn't  write  this  last — 
that  is  my  own  eppisodin'. 

And  agin  the  Agent  men- 
tioned the  stairs,  and  agin  he 
mentioned  the  plumbin'. 

But  Elnathan  wuz  so  inter- 
ested then  and  took  up  in  try- 


"NO    REPAIRS    ALLOWED," 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  35 

in'  to  decide  whether  he  would  have  a  stained- 
glass  angel  or  some  stained-glass  cherubs  a-hoverin' 
over  the  gallery  in  front  of  The  Little  Maid's  room, 
that  he  hadn't  a  mite  of  time  to  argue  any  further 
on  the  subject —  so  he  telegrafted — 

"  No  repairs  allowed.      Elnathan  Allen." 

Wall,  Elnathan  had  got  the  repairs  all  made,  and 
the  place  looked  magnificent. 

Good  land  !  it  ort  to  ;  the  hull  place  cost  more 
than  a  million  dollars,  so  I  have  hearn  ;  I  don't  say 
that  I  am  postive  knowin'  to  it.  But  Barzelia  gits 
things  pretty  straight  ;  it  come  to  me  through  her. 

The  Little  Maid  enjoyed  it  all,  and  Elnathan  en- 
joyed it  twice  over,  once  and  first  in  her,  and  then 
of  course  in  his  own  self. 

But  The  Little  Maid  looked  sort  o'  pimpin,  and 
her  little  appetite  didn't  seem  to  be  very  good,  and 
the  doctor  said  that  a  journey  East  would  do  her  good. 

And  jest  at  this  time  the  dowery  in  Loontown 
fell  onto  Elnathan,  so  that  they  all  come  East. 

Elnathan  had  forgot  all  about  Jean  havin'  any 
relation  in  the  big  Eastern  city  where  they  stopped 
first — good  land  !  their  little  idees  and  images  had 
got  all  overlaid  and  covered  up  with  glass  angels, 
orchids,  bank  stock,  some  mines,  palm-houses,  polit- 
ical yearnin's,  social  distinction,  carved  lattice-work, 


36  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

some  religious  idees,  and  yots,  and  club-houses,  etc., 
etc.,  etc. 

But  when  he  decided  to  leave  The  Little  Maid  in 
the  city  and  not  bring-  her  to  Jonesville — (and  I 
believe  in  my  soul,  and  I  always  shall  believe  it,  that 
he  wuz  in  doubt  whether  we  had  things  good  enough 
for  her.  The  idee  !  He  said  he  thought  it  would 
be  too  much  for  her  to  go  round  to  all  the  rela- 
tives— wall,  mebby  it  wuz  that  !  But  I  shall  always 
have  my  thoughts.) 

But  anyway,  when  he  made  up  his  mind  to  leave 
her,  he  gin  the  nurse  strict  orders  to  not  go  down 
into  the  city  below  a  certain  street,  which  wuz  a 
good  high  one,  and  not  let  The  Little  Maid  out  of 
her  sight  night  or  day. 

Wall,  the  nurse  knew  it  wuz  wrong — she  knew  it, 
but  she  did  it.  Jest  as  Cain  did,  and  jest  as  David 
did,  when  he  killed  Ury,  and  Joseph's  brother  and 
Pharo,  and  you  and  I,  and  the  relations  on  his  side 
and  on  vourn. 

She  knew  she  hadn't  ort  to.  But  bein'  out 
a-walkin'  with  The  Little  Maid  one  day,  a  home-sick 
feelin'  come  over  her  all  of  a  sudden.  She  wanted 
to  see  her  sister — wanted  to,  like  a  dog. 

So,  as  the  day  wuz  very  fair,  she  thought  mebby 
it  wouldn't  do  any  hurt, 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 


37 


fW/fJA^, '  ■%  | 


He  gin  the  nurse  strict  orders. 


The  sky  was  so  blue  between  the  green  boughs 
of  the  Park  !  There  had  been  a  rain,  and  the  glis- 
tenin'  green  made  her  think  of  the  hedgerows  of 
old  England,  where  she  and  Katy  used  to  find  birds' 
nests,  and  the  blue  wuz  jest  the  shade  of  the  sweet 
old  English  violets.  How  she  and  Katy  used  to 
love  them  !     And  the  blue  too  wuz  jest  the  color  of 


38  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Katy's  eyes  when  she  last  see  them,  full  of  tears  at 
partin'  from  her. 

She  thought  of  Elnathan's  sharp  orders  not  to  go 
down  into  the  eity,  and  not  to  let  The  Little  Maid 
out  of  her  sight. 

Wall,  she  thought  it  over,  and  thought  that  mebby 
if  she  kep  one  of  her  promises  good,  she  would  be 
forgive  the  other. 

Jest  as  the  Israelites  did  about  the  manny,  and 
jest  as  You  did  when  you  told  your  wife  you  would 
bring  her  home  a  present,  and  come  home  early — 
and  you  bore  her  home  a  bracelet,  at  four  o'clock 
in  the  mornin'. 

And  jest  as  1  did  when  I  said,  under  the  influence 
of  a  stirring  sermon,  that  1  wouldn't  forgit  it,  and  1 
would  live  up  to  it — wall,  I  hain't  forgot  it. 

But  tenny  rate,  the  upshot  of  the  matter  wuz 
that  the  nurse  thought  she  would  keep  half  of  the 
Master's  orders — she  wouldn't  let  The  Little  Maid 
out  of  her  sight. 

So  she  hired  a  cab — she  had  plenty  of  money, 
Elnathan  didn't  stent  her  on  wages.  He  had  his 
good  qualities,  Elnathan  did. 

And  she  and  The  Little  Maid  rolled  away,  down 
through  the  broad,  beautiful  streets,  lined  with  state- 
ly housen   and  filled  with   a  throng  of  gay,   hand- 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  39 

some,  elegantly  clothed  men,  wimmen,  ana  chil- 
dren. 

Down  into  narrower  business  streets,  with  lofty 
warehouses  on  each  side,  and  full  of  a  well-dressed, 
hurrying  crowd  of  business  men  —  down,  down, 
down  into  the  dretful  street  she  had  sot  out  to 
find. 

With  crazy,  slantin'  old  housen  on  either  side — 
forms  of  misery  filling  the  narrow,  filthy  street, 
wearing  the  semblance  of  manhood  and  womanhood. 
And  worst  of  all,  embruted,  and  haggard,  and  aged 
childhood. 

Filth  of  all  sorts  cumbering  the  broken  old  walks, 
and  hoverin'  over  all  a  dretful  sicknin'  odor,  full  of 
disease  and  death. 

Wall,  when  they  got  there,  The  Little  Maid  (she 
had  a  tender  heart),  she  wuz  pale  as  death,  and  the 
big  tears  wuz  a-rollin'  down  her  cheeks,  at  the  hor- 
rible sights  and  sounds  she  see  all  about  her. 

Wall,  Jean  hurried  her  up  the  rickety  old  stair- 
case into  her  sister's  room,  where  Jean  and  Kate  fell 
into  each  other's  arms,  and  forgot  the  world  while 
they  mingled  their  tears  and  their  laughter,  and  half 
crazy  words  of  love  and  bewildered  joy. 

The  Little  Maid  sot  silently  lookin  out  into  the 
diit)',    dretful     court-yard,     swarmin'     with     ragged 


4-0  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR. 

children  in  every  form  of  dirt  and  discomfort, 
squalor  and  vice. 

She  had  never  seen  anything  of  the  kind  before 
in  her  guarded,  love-watched  life. 

She  didn't  know  that  there  wuz  such  things  in 
the  world. 

Her  lips  wuz  quiverin' — her  lug,  earnest  eyes  full  of 
tears,  as  she  started  to  go  down  the   broken  old  stairs. 

And  her  heart  full  of  desires  to  help  'em,  so  we 
spoze. 

But  her  tears  blinded  her. 

Half  way  down  she  stumbled  and  fell. 

The  nurse  jumped  down  to  help  her.  She  wuz 
hefty -two  hundred  wuz  her  weight  ;  the  stairs,  jest 
hangin'  together  by  links  of  planked  rotteness,  fell 
under  'em — down,  down  they  went,  down  into  the 
depths  below. 

The  nurse  was  stunted — not  hurt,  only  stunted. 

But  The  Little  Maid,  they  thought  she  wuz  dead, 
as  they  lifted  her  out.  Ivory  white  wuz  the  perfect 
little  face,  with  the  long  golden  hair  hangin'  back 
from  it,  ivory  white  the  little  hand  and  arm  hangin' 
limp  at  her  side. 

She  wuz  carried  into  Katy's  room,  a  doctor  wuz 
soon  called.  Her  arm  wuz  broken,  but  he  said, 
after  she  roused    from  her  fain  tin'  lit,  and  her  arm 


SAMANTHA   at   THE    WORLDS   FAIR.  41 

wuz  set — he  said  she  would  git  well,  but  she  mustn't 
be  moved  for  several  days. 

Jean,  wild  with  fright  and  remorse,  thought  she 
would  conceal  her  sin,  and  git  her  back  to  the  hotel 
before  she  telegrafted  to  her  father. 

Jest  as  you  thought  when  you  eat  cloves  the  other 
night,  and  jest  as  I  thought  when  I  laid  the  Bible 
over  the  hole  in  the  table-cover,  when  I  see  the 
minister  a-comin'. 

Wall,  the  little  arm  got  along  all  right,  or  would, 
if  that  had  been  all,  but  the  poisonous  air  wuz  what 
killed  the  little  creeter. 

For  five  days  she  lav,  not  sufferin'  so  much  in 
body,  but  stifled,  choked  with  the  putrid  air,  and 
each  day  the  red  in  her  cheeks  deepened,  and  the 
little  pulse  beat  faster  and  faster. 

And  on  the  fifth  day  she  got  delerious,  and  she 
talked  wild. 

She  talked  about  cool,  beautiful  parks  bein'  made 
down  in  the  stifiin',  crowded,  horrible  courts  and 
byways  of  the  cities — 

With  great  trees  under  which  the  children  could 
play,  and  look  up  into  the  blue  sky,  and  breathe  the 
sweet  air — she  talked  about  fresh  dewey  grass  on 
which  they  might  lav  their  little  hollow  cheeks,  and 
which  would  cool  the  fever  in  them. 


42  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

She  talked  about  a  fountain  of  pure  water  down 
where  now  wuz  filth  too  horrible  to  mention. 

She  talked  very  wild — for  she  talked  about  them 
terrible  slantin'  old  housen  bein'  torn  down  to 
make  room  for  this  Paradise  of  the  future. 

Had  she  been  older,  words  might  have  fallen 
from  her  feverish  lips  of  how  the  woes,  and  evils, 
and  crimes  of  the  lower  classes  always  react  upon 
the  upper. 

She  might  have  pictured  in  her  dreams  the  drama 
that  is  ever  bein'  enacted  on  the  pages  of  history — of 
the  sorely  oppressed  masses  turnin'  on  the  oppressors, 
and  drivin'  them,  with  themselves,  out  to  ruin. 

Pages  smeared  with  blood  might  have  passed 
before  her,  and  she  might  have  dreamed — for  she 
wuz  very  delerious — she  might  have  dreamed  of  the 
time  when  our  statesmen  and  lawgivers  would 
pause  awhile  from  their  hard  task  of  punishin' 
crime,  and  bend  their  energies  upon  avertin'  it — 

Helpin'  the  poor  to  better  lives,  helpin'  them  to 
justice.  Takin'  the  small  hands  of  the  children, 
and  leadin'  them  away  from  the  overcrowded 
prisons  and  penitentaries  toward  better  lives — 

When  Charity  (a  good  creeter,  too,  Charity  is)  but 
when  she  would  step  aside  and  let  Justice  and  True 
Wisdom  go  ahead  for  a  spell — 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  43 

When  co-operative  business  would  equalize  wealth 
to  a  greater  degree — when  the  government  would 
control  the  great  enterprises,  needed  by  all,  but 
addin'  riches  to  but  few — when  comfort  would 
nourish  self-respect,  and  starved  vice  retreat  before 
the  dawnin'  light  of  happiness. 

Had  she  been  older  she  might  have  babbled  of  all 
this  as  she  lav  there,  a  victim  of  wrong  inflicted  on 
the  low — a  martyr  to  the  folly  of  the  rich,  and  their 
injustice  toward  the  poor. 

But  as  it  wuz,  she  talked  only  with  her  little  fever- 
parched  lips  of  the  lovely,  cool  garden. 

Oh,  they  wuz  wild  dreams,  flittin',  flittin',  in 
little  vague,  tangled  idees  through  the  childish  brain  ! 

But  the  talk  wuz  always  about  the  green,  beauti- 
ful garden,  and  the  crowds  of  little  children  walk- 
in'  there. 

And  on  the  seventh  day  (that  wuz  after  Elnathan 
got  there,  and  me  and  Josiah,  bein'  telegrafted 
to)— 

On  the  seventh  day  she  begun  to  talk  about  a 
Form  she  saw  a-walkin'  in  the  garden — a  Presence 
beautiful  and  divine,  we  thought  from  her  words. 
He  smiled  as  he  saw  the  happiness  of  the  children. 
He  smiled  upon  her,  he  wuz  reachin'  out  his  arms 
to  her. 


44  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

And  about  evenin'  she  looked  up  into  her 
father's  face  and  knew  him — and  she  said  somethin' 
about  lovin'  him  so — and  somethin'  about  the 
beautiful  garden,  and  the  happy  children  there,  and 
then  she  looked  away  from  us  all  with  a  smile,  and 
I  spozed,  and  I  always  shall  spoze,  that  the  Divine 
One  a-walkin'  in  the  cool  of  the  evenin'  in  the 
garden,  the  benign  Presence  she  saw  there,  happy 
in  the  children's  happiness,  drew  nearer  to  her, 
and  took  her  in  his  arms — for  it  says — 

"  He  shall  carry  the  lambs  in  His  bosom." 

That  wuz  two  years  ago.  Elnathan  Allen  is  a 
changed  man,  a  changed  man. 

I  hain't  mentioned  the  word  surplus  population  to 
him.      No,  I  hadn't  the  heart  to. 

Poor  creeter,  I  wuz  good  to  him  as  I  could  be  all 
through  it,  and  so  wuz  Josiah. 

His  hair  got  white  as  a  old  man's  in  less  than  two 
months. 

But  with  the  same  energy  he  brought  to  bear  in 
makin'  money  he  brought  to  bear  on  makin'  The 
Little  Maid's  dream  come  true. 

He  said  it  wuz  a  vision. 

And,  poor  creeter,  a-doin'  it  all  under  a  mournin' 
weed  ;  and  if  ever  a  weed  wuz  deep,  and  if  ever  a 
man  mourned  deep,  it  is  that  man. 


SAMANTIIA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  45 

Yes,  Elnathan  has  done  well ;  I  have  writ  to  him 
to  that  effect. 

He  tore  down  them  crazy,  slantin',  rotten  old 
housen,  and  made  a  park  of  that  filthy  hole,  a  lovely 
little  park,  with  fresh  green  grass,  a  fountain  of 
pure  water,  where  the  birds  come  to  slake  their  little 
thirsts. 

He  sot  out  big  trees  (money  will  move  a  four- 
foot  ellum).  There  is  green,  rustlin'  boughs  for  the 
birds  to  build  their  nests  in.  Cool  green  leaves  to 
wave  over  the  heads  of  the  children. 

They  lay  their  pale  faces  on  the  grass,  they  throw 
their  happy  little  hearts  onto  the  kind,  patient  heart 
of  their  first  mother,  Nature,  and  she  soothes  the 
fever  in  their  little  breasts,  and  gives  'em  new  and 
saner  idees. 

They  hold  their  little  hands  under  the  crystal 
water  droppin'  forever  from  the  outspread  wings  of 
a  dove.  They  find  insensibly  the  grime  washed 
away  by  these  pure  drops,  their  hands  are  less  in- 
clined to  clasp  round  murderous  weepons  and  turn 
them  towards  the  lofty  abodes  of  the  rich. 

They  do  not  hate  the  rich  so  badly,  for  it  is  a 
rich  man  who  has  done  all  this  for  them. 

The  high  walls  of  the  prison  that  used  to  loom 
up  so  hugely  and  threatingly  in  front  of  the  bare 


46  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLlVs    FAIR. 

old  tenement  housen — the  harsh  glare  of  them  walls 
seem  further  away,  hidden  from  them  by  the  gracious 
green  of  the  blossoming  trees. 

The  sunshine  lays  between  them  and  its  rough 
walls — they  follow  the  glint  of  the  sunbeams  up 
into  the  Heavens. 


CHAPTER    III. 

My  beloved  pardner  is  very  easy  lifted  up  or  cast 
down  by  bis  emotions,  and  bis  excitement  wuz  in- 
tense durin'  the  bull  of  the  long"  time  that  the  war- 
fare lasted  as  to  where  the  World's  Fair  wuz  to  be 
held,  where   Columbus  wuz  goin'   to  be  celebrated. 

I  thought  at  the  time,  Josiah  wuz  so  fearful  riz 
up  in  his  mind,  that  it  wuz  doubtful  if  he  ever  would 
be  settled  down  agin,  and  act  in  away  becomin'  to  a 
grandfather  and  a  Deacon  in  the  M.  E.  meetin'-house. 

And  it  wuz  a  excitin'  time,  very,  and  the  fightin' 
and  quarrelin'  between  the  rival  cities  wuz  perilous 
in  the  extreme. 

It  would  have  skairt  Christopher,  I'll  bet,  if  he 
could  have  seen  it,  and  he  would  have  said  that  he 
would  most  ruther  not  be  celebrated  than  to  seen  it 
go  on. 

Why,  New  York  and  Chicago  most  come  to 
hands  and  blows  about  it,  and  St.  Louis  wuz  jest 
a-follerin'  them  other  cities  up  tight,  a-worryin'  'em, 
and  a-naggin',  and  a  sort  o'  barkin'  at  their  heels,  as 
it  wuz,  bound  she  would  have  it. 


4«S  SAMANTHA  AT   THE   World's    FAIR. 

They  couldn't  all  on  'cm  have  it.  Christopher 
couldn't  be  in  three  places  at  one  time  and  simulta- 
nous,  no  matter  how  much  calculation  he  had  about 
him.  No,  that  wuz  impossible.  He  had  to  be  in 
one  place.  And  they  fit,  and  they  lit,  and  they  fit, 
till  I  got  tired  of  the  very  name  of  the  World's  Fair, 
and  Josiah  got  almost  ravin'  destracted. 

It  seemed  to  me,  and  so  I  told  Josiah,  that  New 
York  wuz  a  more  proper  place  for  it,  bein'  as  it  wuz 
clost  to  the  ocean,  so  many  foreigners  would  float 
over  here,  them  and  their  things  that  they  wanted 
to  show  to  the  Fair. 

It  would  almost  seem  as  if  they  would  be  tired 
enough  when  they  got  here,  to  not  want  to  disem- 
mark  themselves  and  their  truck,  and  then  imegiatly 
embark  agin  on  a  periongor  or  wagon,  or  car,  or 
sunthin,  and  go  a-trailin'  off  thousands  of  milds 
further.  And  then  go  through  it  all  agin  disem- 
barkin'  and  unloadin'  their  truck,  and  themselves. 

Howsumever,  I  spozed  if  they  sot  out  for  the  Fair 
from  Africa,  or  Hindoostan,  or  Asia,  I  spozed  they 
would  keep  on  till  they  got  there,  if  they  had  to  go 
the  hull  length  of  the  Misisippi  River,  and  travelled 
in  more'n  forty  different  conveniences,  etc.,  etc. 
But  it  didn't  seem  so  handy  nor  nigh. 

But  Chicago  is  dretful  wTorrysome  and  active,  jest 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  49 

like  all  children  who  have  growed  fast,  and  kinder 
outgrowed  their  clothes  and  family  goverment. 

She  is  dretful  forward  for  one  of  her  years,  and 
she  knows  it.  She  knows  she  is  smart,  and  she  is 
bound  to  have  her  own  way  if  there  is  any  possible 
way  of  gittin'  it. 

And  she  had  jest  put  her  foot  right  down,  that 
have  that  Fair  she  would.  And  like  as  not  if  she 
hadn't  got  it  she  would  have  throwed  herself  and 
kicked.      I  shouldn't  wonder  a  mite  if  she  had. 

But  she  jest  clawed  right  in,  and  tore  round  and 
acted,  and  jawed,  and  coaxed,  and  kinder  cried,  and 
carried  the  day,  jest  as  spilte  children  will,  more'n 
half  the  time. 

Not  but  what  New  York  vvuz  a-cuttin'  up  and 
a-actin'  jest  as  bad,  accordin'  to  its  age. 

But  Chicago  wuz  younger  and  spryer,  and  could 
kick  stronger  and  cut  up  higher. 

New  York  wuz  older  and  lamer,  as  you  may  say, 
its  jints  wuz  stiffer,  and  it  had  lost  some  of  its  facul- 
ties, which  made  it  dretful  bad  for  her. 

It  wuz  forgetful  ;  it  had  spells  of  kinder  losin'  its 
memory,  and  had  had  for  years. 

Now,  when  the  Great  General  died,  why  New 
York  cut  up  fearful  a-fightin'  for  the  honor  of  havin' 
him  laid  to  rest  in  its  borders. 


50  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Why,  New  York  fairly  riz  up  and  kicked  higher 
than  you  could  have  spozed  it  wuz  possible  for  her 
to  kick  at  her  age,  and  hollered  louder  than  you 
could  have  spozed  it  wuz  possible  with  her  lungs. 

When  Washington,  the  Capital  of  this  Great 
Republic,  expressed  a  desire  to  have  the  Saviour  of 
his  Country  sleep  by  the  side  of  the  Founder  of  it- 
why,  New  York  acted  fairly  crazy,  and  I  believe 
she  wuz  for  a  spell.  Anyway,  I  believe  she  had  a 
spazzum. 

Pier  wild  demeanor  wuz  such,  her  snorts,  her 
oritorys,  resounded  on  every  side,  and  wuz  heard  all 
over  the  land.  She  acted  crazy  as  a  loon  till  she 
got  her  way. 

She  promised  if  she  could  have  the  Hero  sleep 
there,  she  would  build  a  monument  that  would 
tower  up  to  the  skies. 

The  most  stupendious,  the  most  impressive  work 
of  art  that  wruz  ever  wrought  by  man. 

Wall,  she  got  her  way.  Why,  she  cut  up  so,  that 
she  had  to  have  it,  seemin'ly. 

Wall,  did  she  do  as  she  agreed  ?     No,  indeed. 

She  had  one  of  her  forgetful  spells  come  right  on 
her,  a  sort  of  a  stupor,  I  guess,  a-follerin'  on  after  a 
bein'  too  wild  and  crazy  about  gittin'  her  way. 

And  anyway,  year  after  year  passed,  and  no  monu- 


If  she  could  have  the  Hero  sleep  there,  she  would  build  a 

MONUMENT    THAT    WOULD    TOWER    UP   TO    THE    SKIES. 


52  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

ment  wuz  raised,  not  a  sign  of  one.  She  lied,  and 
she  didn't  seem  to  care  if  she  had  lied. 

There  the  grave  of  the  Great  One  wuz  onmarked 
by  even  a  decent  memorial,  let  alone  the  great  one 
they  said  they  would  raise. 

And  when  the  Great  Ones  of  the  Old  World— 
the  renowned  in  Song  and  Story  and  History — when 
they  ariv  in  New  York,  most  their  first  thoughts 
wuz  to  visit  the  Grand  Tomb  of  our  Hero — - 

The  one  who  their  rulers  had  delighted  to  honor 
— the  one  who  had  been  welcomed  in  the  dazzlin' 
halls  of  their  Kings.  And  them  halls  had  felt 
honored  to  have  his  shadow  rest  on  'em  as  he  passed 
through  'em  to  audiences  with  royalty. 

They  journeyed  to  that  tomb.  Some  on  'em  had 
been  used  to  stand  by  the  tombs  of  their  own  great 
dead  under  the  magestic  aisles  of  Westminster 
Abbey,  whose  lofty  glories  dwarfs  the  human  form 
almost  to  a  pigmy. 

Some  had  stood  by  the  white  marble  poem  of  the 
Tair  Megfal  in  India,  wherein  a  royal  soul  has 
carved  his  love  for  a  woman.  If  that  race,  to  whom 
we  send  missionaries  to  civilize  them,  could  raise 
such  a  tomb  over  its  dead,  and  a  woman  too,  who 
had  done  no  great  things,  only  loved  the  man  who 
raised  this  incomparable  monument  over  her — what 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  53 

could  they  expect  to  find  raised  by  this  great  and 
dominant  race  over  the  dead  form  of  the  man  who 
had  saved  the  hull  country  from  ruin  ? 

So  with  feelin's  of  awe  and  wonder  in  their 
hearts,  expectin'  to  see  they  knew  not  what,  the 
awestruck,  admirin'  foreigner  paused  before  the 
tomb  of  the  Great  Leader — and  he  see  nothin'. 
Not  even  a  respectable  grave-stun,  such  as  you  see 
in  any  New  England  graveyard.  (Or  that  has  been 
the  case  till  very  lately.  But  now  things  look  a 
little  brighter  in  the  monument  line.) 

But  it  has  been  a  shame,  and  a  burnin'  one,  so 
burnin'  that  it  has  seemed  to  me  that  it  would  take 
all  the  cool  blue  waters  that  glide  along  below, 
a-complainin'  of  the  slight  and  insult  to  our  Hero — 
it  would  take  more  than  all  these  waters  to  wash  it 
out  and  make  the  country  clean  agin. 

But  she  had  one  of  her  spells,  and  whether  she 
wuz  well  or  whether  she  wuz  sick,  New  York  lied 
jest  like  a  dog  about  it. 

Whether  she  wuz  crazy  or  not,  the  fact  remained 
that  she  had  bragged,  and  then  gin  out ;  had  prom- 
ised, and  not  performed. 

I  believe  she  wuz  out  of  her  head. 

Then  there  wuz  the  same  kind  of  a  performance 
she  went  through  with  the  Goddess  of  Liberty. 


54 


SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 


When  France  had  gin  that  beautiful  and  most 
wondeful  creeter  to  us  as  a  present,  it  looked  sort 
o'  shabby  in  New  York  to  not  provide  a  platform 
for  that  female  to  stand  up  on. 

Now,  didn't  it  ? 
She  a-offerin'  to 
light  up  the  world 
if  she  only  had  a 
place  to  stand  up 
on — and  the  great 
continent  of  Amer- 
ica not  bein'  willin* 
to  gin  it  to  her. 

New  York  talk- 
ed— oh,  yes,  it  wuz 


She  a-offerin   to  light  up  the  world,  if   she  only   had  a  placi; 
TO  stand  up  on. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR.  55 

a-goin'  to  do  great  things  !  Oh,  what  a  big,  noble 
door-step  it  wuz  a-layin'  out  to  rize  up  for  that  god- 
dess to  stand  on ! 

But  there  it  wuz,  New  York  had  one  of  her  spells 
agin,  lost  her  faculties,  forgot  all  about  what  she 
said  she  wuz  a-goin'  to  do — and  left  that  noble 
female,  left  that  princely  present  to  lay  round  in  a 
heap,  a  perfect  imposition  to  France  and  to  human 
nater. 

The  idee  of  a  goddess  with  no  place  to  stand  up 
on  !  The  Great  Republic  a-stretchin'  out  on  each 
side,  and  no  place  for  her  feet  to  rest  on. 

And  no  knowin'  but  she  would  have  been  a-layin' 
round  to-day,  all  broke  up  and  onjinted,  if  it  hadn't 
been  for  a  public-sperited  newspaper  man,  who  took 
the  matter  up,  and  worked  at  it,  and  called  public 
attention  to  it,  till  at  last  it  got  a  place  for  the  god- 
dess to  be  histed  up  on  her  feet,  and  rest  her  legs  a 
spell,  all  crumpled  up  under  her. 

The  idee  of  a  goddess,  and  such  a  goddess,  a 
layin'  round  with  her  legs  all  doubled  up  under  her, 
and  all  broke  up — the  idee  ! 

Then  it  got  the  Centenial  Exhibition  there.  And 
it  wuzn't  no  more  than  right,  what  it  promised  and 
bound  itself  to  do,  to  make  some  triumphal  arches 
for  the  processions  to  walk  under,  a-triumphin*. 


Why,  she  vowed  and  de- 
clared solemn  that  she  would 
make  'em  if  she  could  have 
it  there. 

They  wuz  goin'  to  be,  accordin'  to  her  tell, 
■\  accordin'  to  what  New  York  said  about  it,  about 
the  most  gorgus  and  impressive  arches  that  ever 
wuz  arched  over  anybody,  fur  or  near,  anywhere. 

Now,  after  it  got  the  exhibition  there,  did  it  make 
'em  ?     No,  indeed. 

It  had  another  spell  come  on,  clean  forgot  all 
about  it.  And  there  the  Columbian  Exposition 
come  and  no  arch  for  it  to  walk  under,  not  a  arch, 
only  some  old  boaids  nailed  up,  some  like  a  barn 
door,  only  higher. 

Wall,  you  see  these  kind  o'  crazy  spells,  losin'  its 
faculties  every  once  in  a  while,  made  it  dretful  hard 
for  New  York. 

I  believe  she  would  got  the  World's  Fair  if  it 
hadn't  been  for  that.  But  the  question  would  keep 
a-comin'  up,  and  the  country  had  to  pay  attention  to 
it — what  if  she  got  the  World's  Fair,  and  then  had 
another  fit !  What  if  she  had  another  spell  come  on, 
and  forgot  all  about  it ! 

And  lo  !  and  behold  !  have  the  World's  Fair  sail  up 
and  halt  in  front  of  her  and  she  not  have  any  place 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  $; 

for  it,  and  mebbybe  out  of  her  head  so  she  couldn't 
remember  nothin',  wouldn't  remember  who  Chris- 
topher wuz,  or  anythin'. 

No  ;  the  hull  country  felt  that  it  wuz  resky,  and 
that,  I  have  always  spozed,  wuz  one  reason  why 
New  York  lost  it. 

And  then,  as  I  have  said  heretofore,  Chicago 
wuz  jest  bound  to  have  it,  and  she  did. 

But  then,  if  you'll  believe  it,  jest  like  any  spilte 
young  child  that  cries  for  another  big  apple  when 
both  its  hands  are  full  of  'em — it  hadn't  no  place 
for  it. 

It  had  got  the  World's  Fair,  but  hadn't  got  any- 
place to  put  it.     The  idee  ! 

Jest  crazy  to  have  it,  cried  and  yelled,  and  acted, 
(metafor)  till  it  got  it.  And  then,  lo  !  and  behold  ! 
where  wuz  she  goin'  to  put  it  ?  Hadn't  a  place  big 
enough,  or  ready  for  it. 

Of  course  she  had  the  lake.  But  she  didn't  want 
to  drownd  it,  after  makin'  such  a  fuss  over  it ;  it 
wouldn't  have  seemed  very  horsepitable.  And  she 
didn't  really  want  to  put  it  out  onto  a  prairie.  And 
she  couldn't  put  it  right  round  under  her  feet, 
where  it  would  git  trampled  on,  and  git  bruised, 
and  knocked  round ;  that  wouldn't  be  a-usin'  Chris- 
topher Columbus  as  he  ort  to  be  used. 


5<S  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

And,  as  I  say,  she  wuz  honorable  enough  to  not 
want  to  put  it  in  the  lake. 

And  so,  after  worryin'  and  takin'  on,  and  talkin' 
month  after  month  about  it,  she  concluded  to  split 
the  Christopher  Columbus  World's  Fair  into  some 
like  this — put  the  Christopher  part  on  a  stagin' 
built  out  into  the  lake,  and  the  Columbus  part  back 
a  ways  into  the  park. 

Wall,  I  didn't  make  no  objections  to  it ;  I  thought 
I  wouldn't  say  a  word  or  make  a  move  to  break  it 
up,  or  make  their  burdens  any  heavier.  No  ;  I  jest 
stood  still  and  see  it  go  on. 

Only  I  did  talk  some  out  to  one  side  to  my 
Josiah  about  it,  about  the  curiosity  of  their  be- 
havior. 

Sez  I,  "It  seems  as  if,  after  what  Columbus 
done  for  the  country,  he  ort  to  be  kep  hull,  and  not 
be  broke  into,  and  split  apart.  But  howsumever," 
sez  I,  "  I  sha'n't  make  any  move  to  stop  it." 

And  Josiah  sez  "  he  guessed  it  wouldn't  make 
much  difference  whether  I  made  a  move  or  not. 
He  guessed  Chicago  could  take  care  of  its  own 
business,  and  would  do  it." 

I  wuz  a-pinnin'  the  outside  onto  a  comforter,  and 
I  had  a  lot  of  pins  in  my  mouth,  but  before  I  put 
'em  in  I  sez — ■ 


60  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

"  Wall,  it  looks  kind  o'  shiftless  to  me,  to  think 
they  hadn't  no  place  to  put  it,  after  all  their  actions." 

And  as  I  rcsoomed  my  work,  he  went  on  : 

"  Now,  you  imagine  how  you  would  feel,  Saman- 
tha  Allen,  if  you  had  bought  a  big  elephant,  bigger 
than  Jumbo,  and  you  knew  it  wuz  on  its  way  here, 
approachin'  nearer  and  nearer — had  got  as  fur  as  Old 
Bobbet's,  and  we  hadn't  a  place  to  put  it  in  that  wuz 
suitable  and  strong  enough — we  couldn't  git  her 
head  hardly  in  the  stable,  we  couldn't  leave  her  out 
doors  to  rampage  round  and  step  over  barns  and 
knock  down  housen,  and  we  couldn't  git  it  offen 
our  hands  any  way,  kill  it,  or  give  it  away — how 
would  you  feel  ?" 

Then  I  took  my  pins  out  of  my  mouth,  and  sez — 

"  I  wouldn't  have  bought  the  elephant  till  I  had 
measured  my  barn." 

Then  I  put  my  pins  in  my  mouth  agin,  for  I 
thought  like  as  not  that  I  wouldn't  have  to  use  my 
tongue  agin.  I  didn't  lay  out  to,  for  my  mouth 
wuz  full,  and  I  wuz  in  a  hurry  for  my  comforter. 

But  Josiah  sez,  "  O  shaw  !  lots  of  folks  buy 
things  they  hadn't  no  idee  of  buyin'  till  they  see 
somebody  else  wants  'em  bad. 

11  I  remember  that  is  the  way  I  come  to  buy  that 
two-year  colt ;  I  hadn't  a  idee  of  wantin'  it  till  I  see 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  6l 

Old  Bobbet  and  Deacon  Sypher  jest  sot  on  havin' 
it,  and  that  whetted  me  right  up,  and  I  vvuz  jest 
bound  to  have  that  colt,  and  did.  I  didn't  expect 
to  find  it  profitable  any  of  the  time.  I  knew  it 
would  kick  like  the  old  Harry  and  smash  things, 
and  it  did. 

"  And  that  is  jest  the  way  with  Chicago  ;  she  knew 
the  World's  Fair  wuzn't  over  and  above  profitable 
to  have  round,  besides  bein'  dretful  bothersome,  but 
she  see  New  York  and  St.  Louis  a-dickerin'  for  it, 
and  then  she  wanted  it." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  considerable  dry  and  sharp,  for  ] 
had  three  pins  in  my  mouth  at  the  time — 

"  She  has  got  it  !" 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  "  and  you'll  see  that  she  will 
put  in  and  work  lively,  now  she's  got  it ;  she'll  show 
what  she  can  do." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  dryer  than  ever,  and  more  sharper; 
"before  she  got  a  stun  laid  for  a  foundation  to 
rest  the  World's  Fair  on,  before  she  got  a  stick  laid 
for  Christopher  to  plant  one  of  his  feet  on,  she  be- 
gun to  buy  up  hull  streets  of  housen  to  rig  up  for 
saloons,  to  make  men  drunk  as  fools,  to  make  muiv 
derers  and  assassins  of  'em. 

"I  wonder  what  Columbus  would  say  if  he  could 
stand  there  and  see  it  2X)  on." 


62  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

"  He'd  probable  step  in  and  take  a  drink,"  sez 
Josiah. 

"Never,"  sez  I.  "The  eye  that  could  discover 
without  actual  sight,  the  soul  that  could  apprehend 
without  comprehension — that  could  look  fur  off 
into  the  mist  of  the  onknown,  and  see  a  New 
World  risin'  up  before  his  rapt  vision — such  a  eye 
and  such  a  soul  didn't  depend  on  bad  whiskey  for 
its  stimulent.      No,  indeed  ! 

"  tie  didn't  lay  round  in  bar-rooms  with  a  red  nose, 
and  a  stagger  onto  him.  He  wuz  up  and  about, 
with  his  senses  all  straight,  and  the  star  he  follered 
wuzn't  the  light  of  a  corner  saloon. 

"  No,  indeed  !  He  see  the  invisible.  He  wuz 
beloved  of  God,  and  hearn  secrets  that  coarser 
minds  round  him  never  dremp  of.  He  didn't  try 
to  cloy  up  them  Heavenly  senses  with  whiskey. 
No,  indeed  ! 

"And  Isabelle  now,  if  that  likely  creeter  could  be 
sot  down  in  front  of  that  long  street  of  grog-shops, 
she  would  almost  be  sorry  she  ever  sold  her  jewelry, 
she  would  be  so  sot  back  by  seein'  that  awful 
sight." 

"  O  shaw  !"  sez  Josiah,  "  she  didn't  sell  her  jew- 
elry." 

"Wall,  she  wuz  willin'  to,"  sez  I. 


SAMANTHA  at  the  world's  fair.  63 

"  Id'no  as  she  vvuz.  She  jest  talked  about  it ; 
wimmen  must  talk  or  bust  anyway,  they  are  made 
so." 

"  How  are  men  made  ?"  sez  I  dryly,  as  dry  as 
ever  a  corncob  wuz,  after  many  years. 

"  Oh,  men  are  made  so's  they  try  to  answer  wim- 
men some — they  have  to  ;  they  have  to  keep  their 
hand  in  so's  to  not  lose  their  speech  on  that  very 
account.  I  presume  Columbus  knew  all  about  such 
things.  He  had  two  wives ;  he  knew  what  trouble 
wuz." 

I  see  that  man  wuz  a-tryin'  every  way  to  draw 
my  attention  away  offen  them  long  streets  of  saloons 
built  up  in  Chicago,  and  I  wouldn't  suckumb  to  it. 
So  I  branched  right  out,  and  back  agin,  and  sez  I — 

"  The  idee  of  a  civilized  city,  after  eighteen  hun- 
dred years  of  Christianatv — the  idee  of  their  doin' 
sunthin'  that  if  savage  Africans  or  Inguns  wuz 
a-doin'  the  World  would  ring  with  it,  and  missionaries 
would  start  for  'em  on  the  run,  or  by  the  car-load. 

"  There  is  a  awful  fuss  made  about  a  cannibal 
eatin'  a  man  now  and  then,  makin'  a  good  plain 
stew  of  him,  or  a  roast,  and  that  is  the  end  of 
it  ;  they  eat  up  his  flesh,  but  they  don't  make 
no  pretensions  to  fry  up  his  soul  ;  they  leave  that 
free  and  pure,  and  it  goes  right  up  to  Heaven. 


04  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S    FAIR. 

"  But  here  in  our  Christian  land,  in  city  and  country, 
this  great  man-eatin'  trade  costs  the  country  over  a 
billion  dollars  a  year,  and  devours  one  hundred  and 
twenty  thousand  men  each  year,  and  destroys  the  soul 
and  mind  first,  before  it  tackles  the  body. 

"  They  go  as  fur  ahead  of  cannibals  in  this  wicked- 
ness as  eternity  is  longer  than  time. 

"And  the  Goverment,  this  great  beneficent 
Goverment,  that  looks  down  with  pity  on  oncivil- 
ized  races — the  Goverment  of  the  United  States 
sells  and  rents  this  man-eater  and  soul-destroyer  at 
so  much  a  year. 

"If  I  had  my  way,"  sez  I,  a-gittin'  madder  and 
madder  the  more  I  thought  on't — - 

"  If  I  had  my  way  I'd  bring  over  a  hull  drove  of 
cannibals  and  Hottentots,  etc.,  and  let  'em  camp 
round  Uncle  Sam  a  spell,  and  try  to  reform 
him. 

"  And  the  first  thing  I  would  have  'em  make  that 
old  man  do  would  be  to  empty  out  his  pockets, 
turn  'em  right  inside  out  and  empty  out  all  the 
accursed  gains  he  had  got  from  this  shameful  traffic. 
And  then  I'd  have  them  cannibals  jest  trot  that  old 
man  right  round  to  every  saloon  and  rum-hole  he 
had  rented  and  wuz  a  partner  in  the  proceeds,  and 
make  him  lay  to  and  empty  out  every  barrel  and 


I    LOVE   THAT   OIJ)   MAN,    AND    WISH    HIM    AWFUL   WELL.' 


66  SAMANTHA  AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

hogset  of  whiskey  and  beer  and  eider,  and  make 
him  do  the  luggin'  and  liftin'  his  own  self. 

"And  then  I'd  let  them  Hottentots  drive  him 
round  a  spell  to  all  the  houses  of  infamy  in  which 
he  wuz  in  partnership,  and  I'd  make  him  haul  some 
matches  out  of  his  pockets  and  set  fire  to  'em,  and 
burn  'em  all  down,  every  one  of  'em. 

"  And  then  I'd  let  the  old  man  set  down  and  rest 
a  spell,  and  let  them  heathens  instruct  him  and  teach 
him  a  spell  their  way  of  man-eatin'.  And  I'll  bet 
after  a  while  they  could  git  the  old  man  up  to  their 
level,  so  if  he  sot  out  to  kill  a  man,  he  would  jest 
kill  him,  and  not  destroy  his  soul  first.  For  he 
hain't  upon  a  level  with  'em  now,"  sez  I,  a-lookin' 
firm  and  decided  at  my  pardner. 

And  he  sez,  "  I  shouldn't  think  you  would  dast  to 
talk  so  about  Uncle  Sam  ;  you  have  always  pretended 
to  like  him — you  would  never  bear  to  hear  a  word 
agin  him." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "it  is  because  I  like  him  that  I 
want  him  to  do  right.  Do  you  spoze  a  mother 
don't  like  a  child  when  she  spanks  him  for  temper, 
or  blisters  him  for  croup,  or  gives  him  worm-wood 
for  worms  ? 

"  I  love  that  old  man,  and  wish  him  awful  well,  and 
when  I  see  him  so  noble  and  sot  up  in  lots  of  things, 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  6j 

it  jest  makes  me  mad  as  a  hen  to  see  him  so  awful 
mean  and  little  in  others. 

"  I  wouldn't  think  I  liked  him  half  so  well  if  I  sot 
down  and  see  him  stalk  right  on  to  his  own  ruin, 
and  not  try  to  stop  him. 

"  Do  you  spoze  a  ma  would  set  and  let  the  child 
she  loved  throw  himself  into  the  lire  because  lie  got 
mad  ?  No  ;  she  would  haul  him  back,  and  the  more 
he  kicked  and  struggled  the  more  she  would  hang  on, 
and  like  as  not  spank  him. 

"  I  want  this  country  to  be  the  Light  of  the  World, 
the  favored  of  Heaven,  and  the  admiration  of  all  the 
different  nations  that  will  camp  round  it  at  the 
Christopher  Columbus  Exhibition.  But  they  can't 
be  expeeted  to  uphold  no  such  doin's  as  these,  let 
alone  admirin'  of  'em." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  It  beats  all  how  vvimmen  will  run 
on  if  a  man  gits  drunk.  Why  don't  you  pitch  into 
him,  instead  of  blamin'  the  Goverment  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "If  you  go  to  work  to  move  a  tree 
you  don't  pull  on  the  top  branches.  Of  course 
they  are  more  showy  and  easy  to  git  holt  of.  But 
you  have  to  dig  the  roots  out  if  you  want  to  move 
the  tree." 

Josiah  looked  real  indifferent.  He  hain't  like  me 
in  lots  of  things  ;  he    is   more   for   dabblin'  on  the 


68  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

surface  than  divin'  down  under  the  water  for  first 
causes,  and  he  spoke  up  the  minute  I  had  finished 
my  last  words,  and  sez  he — 

"  Krit  and  Thomas  Jefferson  are  a-comin'  here  to 
dinner  ;  they  are  goin'  up  to  Zoar  on  business,  and 
are  a-goin'  to  stop  as  they  come  back.  And  1 
should  think  it  wuz  about  time  you  got  sunthin' 
started." 

And  I  sez,  "  The  boys  a-comin'  here  to  dinner  ! 
Why'e — why  didn't  you  tell  me  so  ?" 

And  I  got  right  up  and  went  to  makin'  a  lemon 
puddin'. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

I  knew  Thomas  J.  wuz  a-layin  out  to  go  up  to  Zoar 
some  day  that  week  to  see  about  a  young  chap  to 
stay  in  his  office  while  he  wuz  at  the  World's  Fair, 
and  it  seemed  that  Krit  had  gone  along  for  com- 
pany and  for  the  ride. 

Them  two  young  fellers  love  to  be  together. 
They  are  both  as  smart  as  whips — the  very  keenest, 
snappiest  kind  of  whips. 

Wall,  I  laid  out  to  git  a  good  dinner,  that  wuz 
my  calm  intention  ;  and  I  sent  out  Josiah  Allen  to 
ketch  two  plump  pullets,  I  a-layin'  out  to  stuff 
'cm  with  the  particular  kind  of  dressin'  that  Thomas 
J.  is  partial  to.     It  is  a  good  dressin'. 

And  then  I  wuz  a-layin'  out  to  have  some  nice 
mashed-up  potatoes,  some  early  sweet  peas,  some 
lemon  puddin',  besides  some  coffee,  jest  as  Thomas  J. 
likes  it — rich,  golden  coffee,  with  plenty  of  cream  in 
it  ;  and  then  besides  I  wuz  goin'  to  have  one  or  two 
vegetables  that  Josiah  liked,  and  some  jellys,  etc., 
that  Krit  wuz  particular  fond  of.  Oh,  I  wuz  goin' 
to  have  a  e;ood  dinner,  there  hain't  a  doubt  of  that ! 


7<D  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

Oh,  and  I  wuz  goin'  to  have  some  delicious  soup 
too,  to  start  off  the  dinner  with  !  I  got  the  receipt 
of  Job  Pressley's  wife  and  improved  on  it,  (though  I 
wouldn't  want  her  to  know  I  said  it,  she  is  jealous 
dispositioned.)     But  I  did. 

Wall,  if  you'll  believe  it,  jest  as  I  wuz  a-finishin' 
my  dressin',  addin'  the  last  ingregient  to  it,  and  my 
mind  wuz  all  on  a  strain  to  have  it  jest  right — 

All  of  a  sudden  Josiah  Allen  rushed  in  all  out 
of  breath,  and  hollered  to  me  for  a  rope. 

"A  rope  ?"  sez  I,  bein'  took  aback. 

"  Yes,  a  long,  stout  rope,"  sez  he,  a-standin'  still 
and  a-breathin'  hard.  Why,  he  looked  that  wild 
and  agitated  and  wrought  up,  that  the  idee  passed 
through  my  mind  : 

Is  that  man  a-contemplatin'  suicide?  Does  he 
want  to  hang  himself  ? 

But,  as  I  sez,  the  idee  only  jest  passed  through 
my  fore-top ;  it  didn't  find  any  encouragement  to 
stay — it  went  through  on  the  trot,  as  you  may  say. 

No,  my  noble-minded  pardner  never  would  com- 
mit suicide,  I  knew.  But  his  looks  wuz  fearful,  and 
I  sez,  almost  tremblin' — 

"  What  do  you  want  the  rope  for  ?  I  don't  know 
of  any  rope,  only  the  bed-cord  up  in  the  old  chanv 
bcr." 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  /I 

At  these  words,  that  agitated,  skairt  man  rushed 
right  up-stairs,  I  a-follerin'  him,  summer-savory 
still  in  my  hands,  and  fear  and  tremblin'  in  my 
mean. 

And  I  see  him  dash  up  to  the  old  bedstead  in  the 
attick,  dash  off  the  bed-elothes  and  the  feather- 
bed, and  beginnin'  oncordin'  of  it. 

I  then  laid  hands  on  him,  and  commanded  him  to 
desist. 

"  I  won't  desist,"  sez  he,  "  I  won't  desist." 

There  wuz  I,  still  a-holdin'  him  by  the  back  of  his 
frock — -he  had  on  his  barn  clothes. 

"  Then  do  you  tell  your  pardner  the  meanin'  of 
your  actions  imegetly  and  to  once." 

"  I  hain't  got  time,"  sez  he,  and  oh  !  how  he  wuz 
onriddlin'  that  old  bedstead  of  the  rope  ;  the  fuzz 
fairly  flew  offen  the  rope  as  he  yanked  it  through 
them  holes,  and  twice  I  wuz  hit  by  it  voyalently  in 
my  face,  as  I  strove  to  hold  him,  and  elicit  some 
information  out  of  him. 

But  I  could  git  nothin'  but  hard  breathin'  and 
muttered  oathes  till  the  bed-cord  wuz  all  onloosened, 
and  then  he  gathered  it  over  his  arm  and  started  on 
the  run  for  the  door,  I  a-follerin'. 

And  then  1  see  that  there  stood  Old  Bobbet,  Sime 
Yerden,  Deacon  Sypher,  and,  in  fact,   most  all  the 


72  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

men  in  the  neighborhood  and  some  beyend  it,  some 
from  the  Loontown  road,  and  some  from  over 
towards  Shackville.  There  wuz  more'n  twenty  of 
'em. 

And  I  sez,  and  I  almost  fainted  as  I  sez  it — - 

"  Has  another  war  broke  loose,  or  is  it  a  wild 
animal  from  a  circus  ?  Tell  me,  oh,  tell  me  wrhat 
it  is  !" 

And  one  on  'em  hollered,  "  It  is  a  wild  beast  in 
human  shape,  but  he  won't  be  a  wild  beast  much 
longer  !" 

And  he  pinted  to  the  rope  he  had  on  his  arm. 

And  I  see  then  the  fearful  meanin'  hangin'  round 
that  bed-cord.  I  see  that  others  had  'em,  and  I  see 
that  hangin'  wuz  about  to  take  place  and  ensue. 
And  I  besought  Josiah  Allen  "  to  pause,  to  stay 
a  little,  to  tell  me  what  it  all  meant,  to  not  take 
the  law  into  his  own  hands." 

I  poured  out  words  like  a  Hood,  I  wuz  inkoher- 
cnt  in  the  extreme,  and  my  words  wuz  vain. 

But  Josiah  Allen — oh,  how  that  man  loves  me  ! 
He  darted  back,  throwed  a  paper  at  my  feet,  and 
hollered — 

"That  will  explain,  Samantha !"  And  then  he 
wuz  gone  ;  I  see  'em  divide  into  four  parties,  and  go 
towards    the    woods,    and    towards    the    hills,     and 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  "Jl 

towards  the  creek,  and  towards  the  beaver  medder, 
each  party  havin'  a  rope,  and  I  sez  solemn  like, 
before  I  thought — 

"  May  God  have  mercy  on  your  poor  soul !" 

I  spoze  I  meant  the  one  they  wuz  after,  and 
mebby  I  meant  them  that  wuz  after  him,  I  don't 
know  ;  I  wuz  too  inkoherent  and  wrought  up  to 
know  what  I  did  mean. 

But  I  know  I  sot  down  and  read  that  paper  as 
quick  as  T  could  find  my  specks.  And  I  well  re- 
member that  after  huntin'  high  and  low  for  'em  and 
all  over  the  house  with  tremblin'  knees  and  shaky 
hands  cold  as  a  frog's,  I  found  'em  on  my  own 
fore-top,  and  I  sot  right  down  in  my  tracts  and 
read. 

Well,  it  wuz  enough  to  melt  the  heart  of  a  stun,  a 
granit  stun,  and  as  I  sot  there  and  read,  the  tears 
jest  run  down  my  face  in  a  stream  ;  why,  they  fell  so 
that  they  wet  the  front  of  my  gingham  dress  wet  as 
sop,  and  ontirely  onbeknown  to  me. 

But  I  kep  a-thinkin'  to  myself,  "  Oh,  that 
poor  little  creeter !  Oh,  them  poor,  poor  creeters 
that  loved  her !  Oh,  that  poor  mother !"  And 
then  anon  I  would  say  to  myself,  "Oh,  what 
if  it  wuz  my  Tirzah  Ann  !  What  if  it  wuz  the  Babe  ! 
Oh,  that  villian  ;  may  the  Lord  punish  him  !" 


74  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FATR. 

And  that  is  jest  the  way  I  sot,  and  wept,  and  cried, 
and  cried  and  wept. 

You  see,  the  way  it  wuz,  there  wuz  a  sweet  little 
girl,  only  ten  years  old,  decoyed  by  a  lyin'  excuse 
from  her  warm,  cosey  home  at  midnight  by  a  villian, 
and  took  through  the  snowy,  icy  streets  to  her 
doom. 

Her  little  cold  body  wuz  found  in  an  empty  old 
barn,  and  her  destroyer,  her  murderer,  had  fled. 
But  men  wuz  on  his  tracts,  the  hull  country  wuz 
roused,  and  they  wuz  huntin'  him  down,  as  if  he 
wuz  a  wild  animal,  as  indeed  he  wuz. 

But  anon,  as  I  read  the  paper  over  again,  I  see 
these  words — "The  man  was  intoxicated." 

And  then  I  begun  to  weep  on  the  other  end  of 
my  handkerchief  (metafor). 

And  then,  when  other  accounts  come  out,  and  the 
man  wuz  ketched,  he  swore,  and  swore  solemn,  too, 
that  he  did  not  remember  one  single  solitary  thing 
after  he  left  that  saloon  where  he  got  his  drink  till 
he  sobered  up  and  found  himself  by  the  side  of  that 
little  dead  body. 

And  other  witnesses  swore  that  they  see  him 
drunk  as  a  fool  before  he  sot  out  on  his  murderous 
and  worse  than  murderous  assault. 

But   from  the  time  of  the  first  tidinsrs  that  come 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  75 

of  the  deed  that  had  been  done — though  the  excite- 
ment wuz  more  rampant  that  I  ever  knew  it  to  be, 
and  every  single  man  in  the  community  wuz  out 
bloodthirsty  for  his  death,  and  every  party  a-carrv- 
in'  a  rope  to  hang  him,  and  every  woman  a-lookin' 
out  eager  to  see  him  hung,  and  all  on  'em  a-cursin' 
him,  and  a-weepin'  over  what  he  had  done— 

Durin'  all  this  time,  not  one  word  did  I  hear 
uttered  agin  the  cause  of  his  crime,  agin  the  man 
who  sold  him  what  made  him  a  murderer,  and 
worse,  or  the  man  that  supplied  the  saloon  with  this 
damnable  liquid. 

No,  not  a  single  word  did  I  hear  from  a  Jonesvil- 
lian,  male  or  female.  And  not  one  word  from  my 
pardner,  though  his  excitement  wuz  so  extreme 
that  that  night,  jest  about  dusk,  he  rushed  out 
thinkin'  that  he  had  got  the  murderer,  and  throwed 
the  rope  round  Deacon  Sypher,  who  had  come  over 
to  borrow  an  auger.  And  once  in  a  similer  way  he 
ketched  Old  Bobbet,  his  excitement  and  zeal  wuz 
so  rampant  and  intense. 

Them  old  men  wuz  mad  as  hens,  and  cause 
enough  they  had,  though  they  forgive  him  when 
they  see  what  a  state  he  wuz  in,  and  they  jest  about 
as  bad  themselves. 

But  not  a  word  from  them,  nor  from  anv  one  did 


76 


SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 


I  hear  durin'  the  hull  time  the  excitement  rained — 
and  oh  !  how  it  did  rain — about  the  cause  of  the 
crime. 

Not  one  man  waded  in  and  dived  down  into  the 


He  rushed  out  and  throwkd  the  rope  round  Deacon  Sypher. 


deep  undercurrent  of  causes,  that  strange  deep  that 
underlays  all  human  actions. 

And  once  durin'  the  last  day's  hunt  for  the 
murderer,  who  wuz  hidin'  round  somewhere — it  wuz 
spozed  in  the  woods — I  see  as  I  looked  out  of  my 
kitchen  winder,  at  a  party  headed  for  our  swamp, 


SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  7/ 

one  man  fur  more  ferocious  actin'  than  any  I  had 
seen  ;  he  wuz  a-hollerin'  wilder,  and  he  carried  a  fur 
longer  rope. 

And  I  asked  my  companion  who  that  man  wuz 
that  acted  madder  and  fur  more  fiercer  than  any  of 
the  rest  and  more  anxious  to  git  holt  of  the  escapin' 
man,  so  he  could  be  hung  up  to  once  to  the  highest 
tree  that  could  be  found. 

I  hearn  him  say  that  right  out  of  my  own  kitchen 
winder — I  hearn  him  say — 

"  We  won't  wait  for  no  law  ;  if  we  only  ketch  him 
we  will  hang  him  up  so  high  that  the  buzzards  can't 
git  him." 

And  then  he  yelled  out  savage  and  fierce  and 
started  off  on  a  run  for  the  swamp,  the  rest  of  the 
men  applaudin'  him  up  high,  and  follerin'  on  after 
him. 

And  Josiah  told  me  that  wuz  the  saloon-keeper 
up  to  Zoar. 

Sez  I,  "  The  very  man  that  sold  that  poor  sinner 
the  licker  on  that  night  ?" 

"Yes,"  sez  Josiah. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  the  rope  ort  to  be  used  on  his 
own  neck." 

And  Josiah  Allen  acted  awfully  horrified  at  my 
idee,  and  asked  me  "  if  I  wuz  as  crazy  as  a  loon  ?" 


yS  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

And  sez  he,  "  He  has  been  one  of  the  fiercest 
ones  to  head  him  off  that  has  been  out." 

And  I  sez  dryly — dry  as  a  chip,  "He  wuzn't  so 
fierce  to  head  him  off  the  night  he  sold  him  the 
whiskey  and  hard  cider."  Sez  I,  "  That  headin'  off 
would  have  amounted  to  sunthin'." 

And  agin  I  sez,  "  The  rope  ort  to  be  used  on  his 
own  neck,  if  it  is  on  anybody's,  his  and  Uncle 
Sam's." 

And  agin  Josiah  Allen  asked  me,  **  If  I  wuz  as 
crazy  as  a  dumb  loon  and  a  losin'  my  faculties — wThat 
few  of  'em  you  ever  had,"  sez  he. 

And  I  sez,  "  The  two  wuz  in  partnership  together, 
and  they  got  the  man  to  do  the  murder."  Sez  I, 
"  Most  all  the  murders  that  are  done  in  this  country 
are  done  by  that  firm — the  Govermcnt  and  the 
Saloon-keeper.  And  when  their  poor  tools,  that 
they  have  whetted  up  for  bloodshed,  swing  out 
through  their  open  doors  and  cut  and  slash  and  mow 
down  their  ghastly  furrows  of  crime  and  horrer,  who 
is  to  blame  ?" 

And  Josiah  turned  over  the  almanac  to  the  yeller 
cover  and  perused  it,  so's  to  show  his  perfect  and 
utter  indifference  and  contempt  for  my  words. 

Wall,  they  ketched  the  man  a  day  or  two  after, 
about  sundown.      He  had  been  a  little  ahead  of  his 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  79 

pursuers,  a-dodgin'  'em  this  way  and  that  way,  jest 
like  a  fox  a-dodgin'  a  paek  of  hounds. 

His  old  rubber  boots  wuz  all  wore  offen  him,  his 
clothes  hangin'  in  rags  and  tatters  where  he  had 
rushed  through  the  woods  and  swamps,  his  feet  and 
hands  all  froze.  Half  starved,  and  almost  idiotic 
with  fear  and  remorse  and  the  effects  of  the  poisoned 
licker  and  doctored  cider  he  had  drinked,  he  wuz 
the  most  pitiful  and  wretched-lookin'  object  I  ever 
see  in  mv  hull  life. 

And  it  happened  he  wuz  took  a  little  over  a 
mile  from  us,  and  he  wuz  brung  right  by  our 
door. 

There  wuz  some  officers  in  the  party,  so  they  in- 
terfered and  kep  the  mob  from  hangin'  him  right  up 
by  the  neck. 

They  said  they  had  to  hold  that  saloon-keeper  to 
keep  his  hands  offen  him,  and  they  said  that  in  spite 
of  all  he  did  git  the  rope  round  him. 

But  the  officers  interfered,  and  after  that  they  had 
to  hold  the  saloon-keeper  to  keep  him  from  the 
prisoner. 

And  I  sez,  when  Josiah  was  a-praisin'  up  the 
saloon-keeper's  zeal,  and  how  the  officers  had  to 
hold  him — 

I  sez,  "  It  is  a  pity  the  officers  didn't  hold  him  in 


So  SAMANTHA   AT  THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

the  first  place,  and  then  all  the  horrer  and  tragedy 
might  have  been  saved." 

But  my  pardner  wouldn't  even  notice  a  thing  I 
said.  He  felt,  I  could  sec,  that  my  remarks  wuz 
indeed  beneath  his  notice. 

Wall,  I  stood  and  see  this  poor,  weak,  despairin' 
victim  of  rum  dragged  off  to  a  felon's  doom,  dragged 
off  to  the  scaffold,  and  one  of  his  chief  draggers  wuz 
the  one  that  caused  his  crime — caused  it  accordin'  to 
law.  And  the  rest  of  his  draggers  wuz  the  ones  who 
had  voted  to  have  the  trade  of  murderer  makin'  and 
child  killin'  and  villian  breedin'  perpetuated  and 
kep  up. 

And  the  Goverment  of  the  United  States  hung 
him,  the  same  Goverment  that  wuz  in  partnership 
with  that  saloon  up  in  Zoar,  and  took  part  of  the 
pay  for  makin'  this  man  murder  that  innocent  little 
girl. 

Wall,  Josiah  and  me,  we  went  to  that  funeral.  I 
felt  that  I  must  go,  and  so  did  he  ;  it  wuz  only  about 
five  milds  from  here,  in  the  Methodist  Episcopal 
Meetin'-House  up  to  Zoar. 

Her  father  and  mother  wuz  members  in  good 
standin'.  Lots  of  Jonesvillians  went  to  the  funeral ; 
there  hadn't  been  such  a  excitement  in  Zoar  and 
Jonesville  sence  Seth  Widrik  murdered  his  wife's 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 


81 


mother  with  a  broad  axe  (and  that  wuz  done 
through  whiskey,  so  they  say  ;  it  wuz  done  before 
my  time). 

The  Meetin'-House  in  Zoar  wuz  crowded  to  its 
utmost  capacity  and  the  ceilin'.  And  seats  wuz 
sot  in  all  the  aisles,  and  the  pulpit  stairs  wuz  full  of 


Wall,  Josiaii  and  me,  we  went  to  that  funeral. 


folks,  and  the   door-steps,  and  the  front  yard   wuz 
packed  full.     We  went  early,  and  got  a  seat. 

All  the  ministers  of  Zoar,  and  Jonesville,  and  Loon- 
town,  and  Shackville  wuz  there,  and  of  all  the  ser- 
mons that  wuz  preached—wall,  it  wuz  a  sight.  The 
tears  jest  rundown  most  everybody's  face,  and  when 


82  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

the  mourners  vvuz  addressed,  why,  big,  hefty  men 
all  round  me  jest  boohooed  right  out.  Why,  it  wuz 
enough  to  melt  a  stun. 

Then  the  preacher  depictered  that  little  golden 
head  that  had  made  sunshine  in  her  home  through 
the  darkest  days,  as  bein'  brung  low  by  an  asassin. 
Then  he  spoke  of  that  sweet  little  silvery  voice 
a-ringin'  through  the  home  and  the  hearts  of  her 
father  and  mother,  of  how  it  wuz  lifted  up  in  vain 
appeal  to  her  slayer  that  dretful  night. 

Then  he  spoke  of  the  tender  white  arms  that 
clung  so  lovingly  round  her  parent's  neck,  how 
they  wuz  lifted  up  in  frantic  appeal  and  vain  to  her 
destroyer  that  bleak  night,  and  wuz  now  folded  up 
to  be  lifted  no  more  till  she  met  that  man  at  the  bar 
of  God.  And  then  the  little  arm  would  be  raised 
and  point  him  out  "  murderer."  The  sweet  eyes,  full 
of  God's  avenging  wrath,  would  smite  him  as 
accursed  from  God's  presence  forever. 

And  then  he  depictered  it  all  how  she  would  be 
taken  to  His  own  heart  by  Him  "who  said  that  He 
would  carry  the  lambs  in  His  bosom."  And  this 
poor  wounded  lamb,  He  would  hold  more  tenderly 
than  any  other,  while  the  murderer !  the  villian ! 
the  asassin !  would  be  hurled  downward  into  ever- 
lasting: burning,  where  he  would  dwell  forever  and 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  83 

forever  in  the  midst  of  unquenchable  flames,  in  par- 
tial payment  of  that  deed  of  hisen. 

Why,  when  he  said  them  last  words  about  the 
prisoner,  folks  looked  so  relieved  and  pleased  that 
their  tears  almost  dried. 

And  the  saloon-keeper,  who  sot  right  in  front  of 
me,  hollered  out — "Amen,  amen,  so  mote  it  be!" 

He  wuz  a  Methodist,  he  had  a  right  to  holler. 
And  folks  looked  approvin'  at  him  for  it. 

But  I  didn't — no,  fur  from  it.  I  kep  up  a-thinkin* 
what  I  read — 

"That  the  prisoner  wuz  a  good-hearted  man,  only 
drink  made  a  fiend  and  a  fool  of  him."  And  that 
he  said  solemn  "  that  he  did  not  remember  one 
thing  that  had  taken  place  after  he  had  taken  his 
three  first  drinks  up  in  that  saloon,  till  he  sobered 
up  and  found  himself  in  that  deserted  old  barn, 
with  the  little  dead  body  by  his  side,  little  delicate 
creeter,  dead  and  frozen,  with  all  of  the  black  future 
of  desperate  remorse  and  agony  for  him  a-lookin'  at 
him  in  the  stare  of  her  open  blue  eyes." 

Sweet  little  forget-me-not  eyes,  like  two  spring 
violets  frozen  in  a  drift  of  snow.  What  strange 
things  I  read  in  'em,  with  my  tears  a-fallin'  fast 
onto  'cm  ! 

They    seemed    full    of    mute    questionin'.     They 


84 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 


seemed  to  be  lookin'  up  through  the  blue  sky  elear 
up  to  God's  throne.  They  seemed  to  almost  com- 
pel a  answer  from  divine  justice  as  to  what  wuz 
the  cause  of  her  murder.  To  appeal  dumbly  to  the 
God  of  Justice  and  Mercy  to  wipe   out  this  curse 


c^ 


Not  one  word  did    I    hear   about   the   Goverment   that   wuz  in 

PARTNERSHIP    WITH    THAT    MAN. 


from  our  land — the  curse  that  wuz  causin'  jest  such 
murders,  and  jest  such  agonies,  all  over  our  land  — 
sendin'  out  to  the  gallows  and  down  to  perdition 
jest  such  criminals. 

The  little  coffin  had  to  be  put  out  in  the  yard,  as 
I  say,  so  the  crowd  could  walk  past  it. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  85 

And  there  the  little  golden  head  and  white  face 
lay  for  'em  all  to  see.  But  nobody  seemed  to  see 
in  'em  what  I  see.  For  amongst  the  many  curses 
of  the  murderer  that  I  heard,  not  one  word  did  I 
hear  about  the  man  that  caused  the  murder,  about 
the  voters  and  upholders  of  that  man,  about  the 
Goverment  that  wuz  in  partnership  with  that  man 
and  went  shares  with  him,  and  for  the  sake  of  a  few 
cents  had  dealt  out  that  agony,  that  shame,  and 
that  criminality. 

Wall,  the  little  coffin  wuz  closed  at  last,  the 
mother  wuz  carried  faintin',  and  lookin'  like  a  dead 
woman,  back  to  her  empty,  darkened  home.  The 
father,  with  a  face  like  white  marble,  curbin'  down 
his  own  agonized  grief  so's  to  take  care  of  her,  and 
try  to  bring  her  back  to  the  world  agin,  so  they 
could  together  face  its  blackness  and  emptiness. 

And  the  crowd  dispersed,  lookin'  forward  to  the 
excitement  of  the  hangin'. 

And  the  saloon-keeper  went  home  and  mebby 
counted  over  the  few  cents  that  accrued  to  him  out 
of  the  hull  enterprise. 

And  the  wise  male  voters  returned,  a-calculatin' 
(mebby)  on  votin'  for  license  so's  to  improve  the 
condition  of  their  towns. 

And  Uncle  Sam,  poor,  childish  old  creeter,  mebby 


86  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

wrote  down  aginst  this  hull  job — "three  cents 
revenue."  And  mebby  he  rattled  them  cents  round 
in  his  old  pockets.  I  don't  know  what  he  did  ;  I 
hain't  no  idee  what  he  won't  take  it  into  his  old 
head  to  do. 

And  the  prisoner  sot  in  his  dark,  cold  cell,  and 
didn't  appreciate,  mebby,  the  wisdom  of  the  wise 
law-makers  increasin'  our  revenues  by  such   means. 

No  ;  he  had  all  he  could  do  to  set  and  look  at  the 
bare  stun  walls,  and  figger  out  this  sum — on  one 
side  the  three  cents  profit  ;  and  substract  from  it — a 
bright  young  life  ended,  lifelong  agony  to  the  hearts 
that  loved  her. 

His  own  old  mother's  and  sister's  heads  and  hearts 
bowed  down  in  shame  and  sorrow. 

His  own  hopeful  life  cut  short  at  the  edge  of  the 
scaffold,  and  for  the  future — what  ? 

He  couldn't  quite  work  that  out,  for  this  text 
kep  comin'  into  his  sum — "  No  drunkard  shall 
inherit  eternal  life." 

And  then  another  text  kep  a-comin'  up — 

"  Cursed  is  he  that  putteth  the  cup  to  his  neigh- 
bor's lips." 

No,  he  didn't  feel  the  triumphant  wisdom  of  the 
licker  traffic.  lie  wouldn't  feel  like  rattlin'  the 
three  cents  round  in  his  pockets  if  he  had  'em,  but 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S    FAIR.  87 

he  didn't  have  'em.  His  sum,  no  matter  how  many 
times  he  figgered  it  out,  stood  nothin'  but  orts, 
nothin'  but  clear  loss  to  him,  here  and  hereafter. 

Wall,  I  have  rode  off  considerable  of  a  ways  with 
my  wagon  hitched  on  in  front  of  my  horse,  and  to 
go  back  to  the  horse's  head  agin. 

I  had  a  good  dinner  by  the  time  the  boys  got 
back  from  Zoar — a  excellent  one. 

And  in  order  to  go  on  with  my  story,  and  keep 
right  by  that  horse's  head  I  spoke  of,  I  will  pass 
over  Josiah's  excitement  when  he  come  in  jest  before 
dinner,  and  throwed  his  rope  down  in  the  corner  of 
the  kitchen  ;  but  suffice  it  to  say,  his  excitement 
wuz  nearly  rampant. 

I  will  pass  over  the  two  boys'  indignant  anger,  which 
wuz  jest  the  same  as  mine,  only  stronger,  as  much 
stronger  as  man's  strength  is  stronger  than  a  woman's. 

Thomas  J.  had  been  successful  in  gittin'  the 
young  chap  ;  he  wuz  a-comin'  when  he  wuz  wanted. 
Thomas  J.  wuzn't  goin'  to  wait  till  the  last  minute 
before  he  engaged  him  ;  our  son  is  a  wonderful  good 
business  man — wonderful. 

And  everything  seemed  to  bid  fair  that  we  should 
git  off  with  no  hendrances  to  the  World's  Fair,  to  pay 
our  honor  and  our  respects  to  Christopher  Columbus. 

And  oh,  how  I  did  honor  that  man  !     I  sot  there 


88  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

in  my  peaceful  kitchen  that  afternoon,  after  the 
boys  had  gone  away,  perfectly  satisfied  with  the 
dinner  I  had  gin  'em. 

And  when  I  had  got  my  mind  a  little  offen  that 
poor  little  girl  and  her  poor  drunken  destroyer,  I 
begun  to  think  agin  of  Christopher  Columbus,  and 
what  he  had  done,  and  what  he  hadn't  done,  till  I 
declare  for't  I  got  fairly  lost  in  thoughts. 

I  thought  of  how  he  had  been  scorfed  at  and 
jerred  at  for  not  thinkin'  as  other  folks  did.  And 
how  he  kep  workin',  and  hopin',  and  believin',  and 
persistin'  in  thinkin'  that  he  wuz  in  the  right  on't, 
and  kep  on  a  lookiiT"  over  the  wide  waste  of  waters 
for  the  New  Land. 

And  I  thought  to  myself  how  I  would  enjoy  a 
good  visit  with  Christopher,  and  how  he  would 
sympathize  with  us,  who,  though  we  may  be  scorfed 
at  by  our  pardners,  and  the  world, 

Yet  can't  help  a-lookin'  off  over  the  troubled 
waves  of  unjust  laws,  and  cruel  old  customs,  a-tryin 
to  catch  a  glimpse  of  the  New  and  Freer  Land, 
that  our  hopes  and  our  divine  intuitions  tell  us  is 
there  beyend  the  shadows,  a-waitin'  for  free  men 
and  free  wimmen. 

Yes,  I  did  feel  at  that  time  how  conjenial  Chris- 
topher Columbus  would  have  been  to  me. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  89 

As  I  have  said  more  formally,  Christopher  wuz 
sot  up  in  my  mind  to  a  almost  tottlin'  hite,  on 
account  of  several  things  he  did,  and  several  things 
he  didn't  do. 

Yes  ;  Christopher  wuz  sot  up  in  my  mind  to  a 
almost  tottlin'  hite,  on  account  of  several  things  he 
did,  and  several  things  he  didn't  do. 

Now,  if  anybody  to-day  branches  out  into  any 
new  and  beautiful  belief  and  practice — anything  that 
is  beyend  the  vision  of  more  carnal-minded  people — - 

Why  they  raise  the  cry  to  once,  "  Let  us  cling  to 
common  sense.  Let  us  be  guided  by  what  we  see 
and  know.  Don't  let  us  float  out  on  any  new 
theory.  Don't  less  go  out  of  sight  of  the  Shore 
of  old  Practice,  and  Custom." 

And  lots  of  times  them  rare  souls  to  whom  the 
secrets  of  God  are  revealed — them  who  see  the 
High  White  Ideal  lightnin'  the  Darkness — the 
glowin'  form  of  a  New  Truth  shinin'  out  amidst 
the  thick  clouds  overhead — lots  of  times  they  git 
bewildered  and  skairt  by  the  mockin'  voices  about 
them.  They  drop  their  eves  before  the  insultin', 
oncomprehendin'  sneers  of  the  multitude,  and  fall 
into  commonplace  ways,  and  walks,  to  please  the 
commonplace  people  about  them.  Jest  dragged 
down  by  them  Mockers  and  Scoffers. 


90  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

Some  of  'em  mebby  united  to  'em  by  links  of 
earth-made  metal,  Sons  of  God  married  to  the 
Daughters  of  men,  mebby,  and  castin'  their  kingly 
crowns  at  the  feet  of  a  Human  Love. 

Did  Columbus  do  so  ?  No,  indeed.  I  dare  pre- 
sume to  say  that  the  more  Miss  Columbus  nagged 
at  him  the  more  sotter  he  grew  in  his  own  views. 

(I  have  used  this  simely  on  this  occasion  on  the 
side  of  males,  but  it  is  jest  as  true  on  the  side  of 
females.  For  Inspiration  and  Genius  when  it  falls 
from  Heaven  is  jest  as  apt  to  descend  and  settle 
down  onto  a  female's  fore-top  as  a  male's,  and  the 
blind  and  naggin'  pardner  is  jest  as  apt  to  be  a 
male — jest  exactly. ) 

But  as  1  wliz  a-savin',  the  more  Columbus  wuz 
mocked  at — the  more  they  jeered  and  sneered  at 
him,  the  more  stiddy  and  constant  he  pursued  after 
the  Land  that  appeared  only  to  his  prophetic  eyes. 

Day  after  day,  when  he  wuz  tired  out,  beat  com- 
pletely out  by  the  incomprehension,  and  weary 
doubts,  and  empty  denials  of  the  multitude — -then, 
like  a  breath  of  balm,  came  to  his  weary  forward 
the  soft  gale  from  the  land  he  sought ;  he  saw  in 
his  own  mind  the  tall  pines  reach  up  into  the  blue 
skies,  the  rich  bloom  and  greenness  of  its  Savannas  ; 
ne  inhaled  the  odor  of  rare  blossoms  that  the  Old 


He    SAW    IN    HIS    OWN    MIND    THE    TAl.E    PINKS    REACH    UP    INTO    THE    BLUE 
SKIES. 


92  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

World  never  saw,  and  then  he  riz  up  agin,  refreshed, 
as  it  were,  and  read}'  to  press  forwards. 

Yes,  in  every  country,  through  all  time,  there  has 
always  been  some  Columbus,  walkin'  with  his  feet 
on  the  ground  amongst  mortals,  and  his  head  in  the 
Heavens  amongst  Gods. 

He  has  oftenest  been  poor,  and  always  misunder- 
stood, and  undervalued,  by  the  grosser  souls  about 
him. 

The  discoverers,  the  inventors,  whom  God  loves 
best,  it  must  be,  sence  He  confides  in  'em,  and  tells 
'em  things  He  keeps  hid  from  the  World.  Them 
who  apprehend  while  yet  they  cannot  comprehend. 

And  that  is  what  we  have  got  to  do  lots  of  times 
if  we  git  along  any  in  this  \\  orld,  if  we  calculate 
to  git  out  of  its  Swamps  and  Morasses  onto  any 
considerable  rise  of  ground. 

You  can't  foller  a  ground-mice  or  a  snail,  if  you  lay 
out  to  elevate  yourself ;  no,  you  must  foller  a  Star. 

You  have  got  to  keep  your  eves  up  above  the 
ground,  or  your  feet  will  never  take  you  up  any 
mountain  side. 

And  how  them  mariners  tried  to  make  Columbus 
turn  back  after  he  had  at  last,  through  all  his  tribu- 
lations, sot  sail  on  the  broad,  treacherous  Ocean — 
jest  think  of  his  tribulations  before  he  started ! 


SAMANT1IA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  93 

Troubles  with  poverty,  and  ignorance,  and  unbe- 
lief, and  perils  by  foes,  and  perils  by  false  friends, 
and  perils  by  long-  delay. 

How  for  years  and  years  he  carried  round  them 
strong  beliefs  of  hisen,  ofttimes  in  a  hungry  and 
faint  body,  and  couldn't  git  nobody  to  believe 
in  'em — couldn't  git  nobody  to  even  hear  about  'em. 

Year  after  year  did  he  toil  and  endeavor  to  git 
somebody  to  listen  to  his  plans,  and  glowin'  hopes. 

Year  after  year,  while  the  lines  deepened  on  his 
patient  face,  and  the  hopes  that  wuz  glowin'  and 
eager  became  deep  and  fervent,  and  a  part  of  him. 

How  strange,  how  strange  and  sort  o'  pitiful,  this 
one  man  out  of  a  world  full  of  men  and  wimmen, 
this  one  man  with  his  tired  feet  on  the  dust  and 
worn  sand  of  the  Old  World,  and  his  head  and  heart 
in  the  New  World. 

No  one  else  of  the  world  full  of  men  and  wimmen 
to  believe  as  he  did — no  one  else  to  be  even  vvillin' 
to  hear  him  talk  about  his  dreams,  his  hopes,  and 
impassioned  beliefs. 

No ;  and  I  don't  know  but  Columbus  would  have 
dropped  right  down  in  his  tracts,  and  we  wouldn't 
have  been  discovered  to  this  day,  if  a  woman  hadn't 
stepped  in,  and  gin  the  seal  of  her  earnest  trust  to 
the  ideal  of  the  ambitious  man. 


94  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

He  a-willin'  to  plough  the  new  path  into  the  on- 
tried  fields,  she  a-bein'  willin'  to  hold  the  plough,  as 
you  may  say,  or,  at  all  events,  to  help  him  in  every 
way  in  her  power — with  all  her  womanly  faith,  and 
all  her  ear-rings,  and  breast-pins,  etc.,  etc. 

She,  a  female  woman,  out  of  all  that  world  full  of 
folks,  she  it  wuz  alone  that  stood  out  boldly  the 
friend  of  Columbus  and  Discovery. 

"Male  and  female  created  He  them."  Another 
deep  instance  of  that  great  truth  in  life  and  in  nature, 
and  in  all  matters  relatin'  to  the  good  of  the  world. 
"Male  and  female  created  He  them." 

The  world  will  find  it  out  after  awhile,  and  so 
will  Dr.  Buckley. 

Ferdinand  wuz  agoodcrecter — or  that  is,  middlin' 
good  ;  but  his  eye-sight  wuzn't  such  as  would  see 
down  clear  through  the  truth  of  Columbuses  theory. 

And  if  folks  set  out  to  blame  Ferdinand  too 
much,  let  'em  pause  and  think  what  the  World  would 
say  and  do  if  a  man  should  appear  in  our  streets  to- 
day, and  say  that  he  believed  that  he  had  proof  that 
there  wuz  a  vast,  beautiful  country  a-layin'  in  the 
skies  to  the  west  of  us  beyend  the  clouds  of  the  sun- 
set, and  he  wanted  to  git  money  to  build  a  air-ship 
to  sail  out  to  it. 

How  much   money  would   he  git?     How  much 


<^v<k.<jV->'«"2? 


With  all  her  womanly  faith,  and  all  her  ear-rings  and  breast- 
pins, ETC.,  ETC. 


What  wou 


stock  would  he  sell  in  that  enter- 
prise ?  How  many  men  would  he 
git  to  sail  out  with  him  on  that 
voyage  of  Discovery  ?    What  would 

Vanderbilt  and  Russell  Sage  say 

to  it? 

Why,    they    would     say    that 

the   man   wuz   a  fool,  and  that 

the  only  way  to  travel  wuz  on 
Russell  Sage  say?     jron  rails    0r  Steamships.       They 

would  say  that  there  wuzn't  any  such  land  as  he  de- 
pictered.      That  it  existed  only  in  his  crazy  brain. 

Wall,  it  wuz  jest  about  as  wild  a  idee  that  Ferdi- 
nand had  to  listen  to  ;  I  d'no  that  he  wuz  any  more 
to  blame  than  they  would  be  for  not  hearin'  to  it. 

But  Isabelle,  she  wuz  built  different.  There  wuz 
some  divine  atmosphere  of  Truth  and  Reality  about 
this  idee  that  reached  her  heart  and  mind.  Her 
soul  and  mind  bein'  made  in  jest  the  right  way  to 
be  touched  by  it. 

She,  too,  wuz  built  on  jest  the  right  plan  so  she 
could  apprehend  what  she  could  not  yet  compre- 
hend. So  she  gin  him  her  cordial  sympathy,  and 
also,  as  I  said,  her  ear-rings,  etc. 

But  after  the  years  and  years  that  he  toiled  and 
labored  for  the  means  to  carry  out  his  idees — after 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR.  97 

these  long  years  of  effort  and  hardship,  and  disap- 
pointments and  delays — after  his  first  vain  efforts — 
after  he  did  at  last  git  launched  out  on  the  Ocean 
a-sailin'  out  on  the  broad,  empty  waste  in  search 
of  sunthin'  that  he  see  only  in  his  mind's  eye — 

How  the  storms  beat  on  him — how  the  winds  and 
waves  buffeted  him,  and  tried  to  drive  him  back — 
but — "  No,  no,  he  wuz  bound  for  the  New  Land  ! 
he  wuz  bound  for  the  West  !" 

How  the  sailors  riz  up  and  plead  with  him  and 
begged  him  to  turn  back — but  "  No,"  sez  he,  "  I 
go  to  the  New  Land  !" 

Then  they  would  tell  him  that  there  wuzn't  any 
such  Land,  and  stick  to  it  right  up  and  down,  and 
jeer  at  him. 

Did  it  turn  him  round — "  No  !  I  sail  onward," 
sez  he,  "  I  go  to  the  West  !" 

Then  the  principalities  and  powers  of  the  onseen 
World  seemed  to  take  it  in  hand  and  tried  to  drive 
him  back.  There  wuz  signs  and  omens  seen  that 
wuz  reckoned  disastrous,  and  threatened  destruc- 
tion. 

Mebby  the  souls  of  them  who  had  passed  over 
from  the  New  Land,  mebby  them  disembodied 
faithful  shades  wuz  a-tryin'  to  save  their  free  sunny 
huntin'  grounds  from  the  hands  of  the  invader,  and 


98  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

their  race  from  the  fate  that  threatened  'em — mebby 
they  hurled  onseen  tommyhawks,  and  shrieked  down 
at  'em,  tryin'  to  turn  'em  back — 

Mebby  they  did,  and  then  agin  mebby  they  didn't. 

But  anyway,  there  wuz  lurid  lightin'  Hashes  that 
looked  like  flights  of  fiery  arrows  aimed  at  the 
heads  of  the  Spanish  seamen,  and  shriekin's  of  the 
tempest  amidst  the  sails  overhead  that  sounded  like 
cries  of  anger,  and  distress,  and  warnin'. 

Did  Columbus  heed  them  fearful  warnin's  and 
turn  back  ?  No  ;  dauntless  and  brave,  a-facin'  dan- 
gers onseen,  as  well  as  seen,  he  sez — 

"  I  sail  onward  !" 

And  so  he  did,  and  he  sailed,  and  he  sailed — 
and  mebby  his  own  brave  heart  grew  sick  and  faint 
with  lookin'  on  the  trackless  waste  of  waters  round 
him,  and  no  shore  in  sight  for  days,  and  for  days, 
and  for  days. 

But  if  it  did,  he  give  no  signs  of  it — "  I  sail 
onward !"  he  sez. 

And  finally  the  lookout  way  up  on  the  dizzy 
mast  see  a  light  way  off  on  the  horizon,  and 
then  the  night  came  down  dark,  and  when  the  sun 
wuz  riz  up — lo  !  right  before  'em  lay  the  shores 
of  the  New  World.  And  the  Man's  and  the 
Woman's  belief   wuz    proved    true— and    the  gain- 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  99 

savin'  World  vvuz  proved  wrong.  Success  had 
come  to  'em. 

And  after  the  doubt,  and  the  danger,  and  the 
despair,  and  the  discouragement  had  all  been  endured 
— after  the  ideal  had  been  made  real,  why  then  it 
wux  considered  quite  easy  to  discover  a  New  World. 

It  wuzn't  considered  very  hard.  Why,  all  you  had 
to  do  wuz  to  sail  on  till  you  come  to  it. 

After  a  thing  is  done  it  is  easy  enough. 

Nowadays  we  are  sot  down  before  as  great  co- 
nundrums as  Columbus  wuz.  The  ( )ld  World  groans 
under  old  abuses,  and  wrongs,  and  injustices.  The 
old  paths  are  dusty  and  worn  with  the  feet  of  them 
who  have  marked  its  rocks  and  chokin'  sands  with 
their  bleedin'  feet,  as  they  toiled  on  over  'em  bear- 
in'  their  crosses. 

Dark  clouds  hang  heavy  over  their  paths — the 
atmosphere  is  chokin'  and  stiflin'. 

Fur  off,  fresh  and  fair,  lays  the  New  Land  of  our 
ideal.  The  realm  of  peace,  and  justice  to  all,  of 
temperance,  and  sanity,  and  love  and  joy. 

Fur  off,  fur  off,  we  hear  the  melodious  swash  of 
its  waves  on  its  green  banks — -we  see  fur  off  the 
gleam  of  its  white,  glory-lit  mountain-tops. 

Men  have  gin  their  strength  and  their  lives  for 
this  ideal,  this  vision  of  glory  and  freedom. 


IOO  SAMANTIIA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

Wimmen  have  took  their  jewels  from  their  bosom, 
and  gin  'em  to  this  cause  of  Human  Right.  Gin 
'em  with  breakin'  hearts,  and  white  lips  that  tried  to 
smile,  as  the  last  kiss  of  lover  and  son,  husband  and 
brother,  rested  on  'em. 

Yes,  men  and  wimmen  both  have  seen  that  Ideal 
Land,  that  New  Land  of  Liberty  and  Love.  They 
have  apprehended  it  with  liner  senses  than  compre- 
hension— have  seen  it  with  the  clearer  light  of  the 
soul's  eyes. 

Some  green  boughs  from  its  high  palms  have 
been  washed  out  on  the  swellin'  waves  that  lay 
between  us  and  that  Land,  and  floated  to  our  feet. 
Sometimes,  when  the  air  wuz  very  still  and  hushed, 
and  a  Presence  seemed  broodin'  on  the  rapt  listnin' 
earth,  we  have  looked  fur,  fur  up  into  the  clear 
depths  of  blue  above  us,  and  we  have  ketched  the 
distant  glimpse  of  birds  of  strange  plumage  onknown 
to  this  Old  World.  Fur  off,  fur  off  their  silvery 
wings  have  floated,  a-comin'  from  the  West,  from 
the  land  that  lays  beyend  the  sunset's  golden 
glory. 

Some  of  the  light  of  that  New  Country  has  shone 
on  us  in  inspired  eyes,  some  of  its  strange  language 
has  been  hearn  by  us  from  inspired  lips. 

But  oh  !  the  wide,  pathless  sea  that  lays  between 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  IOI 

us  and  that  land  of  full  Fruition  and  Glory  and 
Freedom. 

Shall  we  set  down  on  the  shores  of  our  Old 
World,  and  give  up  the  hope  and  glory  of  the  New  ? 
Shall  we  listen  to  the  jeers  and  sneers  of  them  that 
tell  us  that  there  hain't  any  such  country  as  that  we 
look  for— that  it  is  impossible,  that  it  is  aginst  all 
the  laws  of  Nater — that  it  don't  exist,  and  never  can, 
only  in  our  crazed  brains  ? 

No,  we  will  man  the  boat,  though  the  waves  dash 
high,  and  the  skies  are  dark — we  will  man  and 
woman  the  life-boat — side  by  side  will  the  two  great 
forces  stand,  the  Motherhood  and  the  Fatherhood, 
Love  and  Justice,  the  hope  and  strength  of  Human- 
ity shall  stand  at  the  helium.  The  wind  is  a-comin' 
up  ;  it  is  only  a  light  breeze  now,  but  it  shall  rise  to 
a  strong  power  that  shall  waft  us  on  to  the  New 
Land  of  Justice  and  Purity  and  Liberty — for  all 
that  our  souls  long  for. 

But  we  have  got  to  shet  our  eyes  to  the  outward 
world  that  presses  round  us  closter  than  the  streets 
of  Genoa  did  round  Columbus.  We  have  got  to 
see  things  invisible,  trust  in  things  to  come — sail 
onwards  through  the  doubts,  and  the  darkness,  and 
the  dangers  round  us,  not  heeding  the  jeers  and 
sneers  of  a  <rainsavin'  world. 


102  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

Will  we  be  discouraged  and  drove  back  by  the 
powers  of  darkness  ?  by  the  things  seen  and  the 
things  onseen  ? 

No,    the  man  and  the  woman  side  by  side  will 
sail  on  through  them  rough  waves.      The  wind   is 
a-comin'  up  fresh  and  free  that  shall  spread  the  sails 
and  waft  the  life-boat  into  the  Land  of  Promise. 
For  the  word  is  sure,  and  He  says — 
"  I  will  bring  you  out  into  a  great  place." 
But  I  am  a-eppisodin',  and  a-eppisodin'  to  a  length 
and  depth  almost  onpresidented  and  onheard  on — 
and  to  resoom.  and  go  on. 


CHAPTER   V. 

Haixt  it  curious  how  tellin' over  a  thing'  will 
bring  back  all  of  the  circumstances  a-surroundin'  of 
it  round — bring  'em  all  up  fresh  to  you. 

I  wuz  a-tellin'  Krit  about  that  Equinomical  Coun- 
sel that  wuz  held  to  Washington,  D.  C.  And 
though  I  hain't  no  hand  and  never  wuz  to  find  one 
word  of  fault  with  my  dear  companion  to  outsiders, 
still,  as  he  wuz  all  in  the  family,  I  did  say  that  his 
Uncle  wuz  at  one  time  very  anxious  to  go  to  it. 

And  after  Krit  went  away — he  had  come  over 
from  Tirzah  .Vim's  that  day,  and  staid  to  supper  with 
us — I  sot  there  alone,  for  Josiah  had  took  him  back 
in  the  democrat,  and  all  the  circumstances  of  that 
time  come  back  onto  me  agin. 

It  wuz  on  a  Monday  that  I  had  my  worst  trial 
with  him  about  that  Equinomical  Counsel,  as  I  re- 
member well.  And  though  I  didn't  tell  Krit  any  of 
my  worst  tribulations  with  him,  still,  oh,  how  vivid 
they  did  come  back  to  me,  as  I  sot  there  alone,  and 
a-seamin'  two  and  two  ! 


104  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

As  I  say,  it  wuz  on  a  Monday  morning.  The 
two  children  had  invited  their  Pa  and  me  to  visit  a 
good  deal  durin'  the  week  before,  and  I  had  got 
kind  a  behindhand  with  my  work. 

And  then  I  had  felt  so  kinder  mauger  for  a  few 
days,  that  Josiah  insisted  that  I  should  git  a  young 
girl  in  the  neighborhood  to  help  me  for  a  few  days, 
Philury  and  Ury  bein'  away  on  a  visit  to  some 
relations. 

Wall,  that  day  I  had  washin',  bakin',  churnin',  and 
some  fruit  cake  to  make. 

It  fairly  made  me  ache  to  think  on't,  the  numbers 
and  amounts  of  the  work  that  pressed  onto  me,  and 
nobody  but  that  young  girl  to  help  me.  And  she 
that  took  up  with  her  bo,  Almanzo  Hagidone,  that 
she  wuz  in  a  forgitful  state  more'n  half  the  time,  and 
liable  to  carry  a  armful  of  wood  meant  for  the 
kitchen  stove  into  the  parlor,  and  put  it  end  first 
onto  the  what-not,  or  pump  water  into  Josiah's  hat 
instead  of  the  water-pail. 

I  tried  to  instil  some  common  sense  into  her  head, 
but  her  hair  wuz  bound  up  that  tight  with  curl 
papers  that  nothin'  could  git  past  that  ambuscade, 
so  it  would  seem,  but  jest  the  image  and  the  idee  of 
Almanzo  Hagidone. 

Wall,  I  kep  her  pretty  much   in  the  wood-shed, 


SAMANTHA   AT 


WORLD  S    FAIR 


I05 


when  she  wuz  in  her  worst  stages,  where  there 
wuzn't  much  besides  the  old  cook-stove  and  wash- 
tubs  that  she  could  graze  aginst  and  fall  over. 

I  dast  as  well  die  as  to  trust  her  with  vittles,  for 
I  felt  that  them  wuz  vital  pints,  and  must  not  be 
meddled  with  by  loonaticks  or  idiots,  and  with  them 
two  ranks  I  had  to  stand  Mary  Ann  Spink  in  her 
most  love-sick  spazzums. 

So  I  sot  her  to  rabbin'  onto  Josiah's  shirts,  and  I 
took  my  bowl  of  raisins  and  English  currants  and 
things  into  the  kitchen  and  sot  down  calmly  to 
pickin'  'em  over  and  choppin'  'em. 

My  fruit  eake  is  good,  though  I  say  it  that  ort 
not  to  ;  it  is  widely  known  and  admired. 

Wall,  I  sot  there  middlin'  calm,  and  a-hummin' 
over  a  sam  tune  loud  enough  so's  Mary  Ann  could 
hear  it  ;  and  I  hummed  it,  too,  in  a  strictly  moral 
way,  and  for  a  pattern  ;  it  was  this  : 

"  Put  not  your  trust  in  mortal  man, 
Set  not  your  hopes  on  him,"  etc.,  etc.,  etc, 

And   I   see   I  wuz  impressin'  of  her,  for 
1  eould  hear  after  a  while  from  the  wood- 
shed that  she    too  had  broke  forth 
in   song,  and  she  was  a-jinin'  in,  low 
and  dretful  impressive,  with — 


io6 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


"  Hark  from  the  tombs  a  mournful  sound." 
I  don't  think  she  meant  my  singin' — Josiah  did 
when  we  talked  it  over  afterwards. 
He  believed  it  firm. 

1  believe  I  wuz  a-moralizin'  of  her,  and  should 
have  done  good  if  1  hadn't  been  broke  in  on. 

But  all  of  a 
sudden  Josiah  Al- 
len fairly  bust  in- 
to the  house,  all 
wrought  up,  and 
fearful  excited. 

He  had  been 
a-talkiri'  w i  t  h 
Deacon  Henzy 
out  by  the  gate, 
and  I  spoze  Dea- 
con Henzy  had 
disseminated  some  new  news  to  him.  But  anyway 
he  wuz  crazy  with  a  wild  and  startlin'  idee. 

He  wanted  to  set  off  to  once  to  the  Equinomical 
Counsel,  which  he  said  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  held  by 
the  male  Methodists  in  Washington,  D.  C.  And, 
sez  he — 

"  Samantha,  git  my  fine  shirt  and  my  best  neck- 
tie to  once,  for  I  want  to  start  on  the  noon  train." 


A-TAI.KIN      \V1 


Dkacon  Henzy, 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  IO/ 

"What  for?"  sez  I  coldly;  for  I  discourage  his 
wild  projects  all  I  can. 

I  have  to  act  like  a  heavy  weight  in  a  clock  movin' 
half  the  time,  or  he  would  be  jest  swept  to  and 
frow  like  a  pendulum.      It  makes  me  feel  queer. 

Sez  I,  "  What  are  you  a-lavin'  out  to  set  off  for 
Washington,  D.  C,  for?" 

My  tone  kinder  hung  on  to  him,  and  stiddied  him 
down  some.  And  he  lost  some  of  his  wild  and 
excited  mean.  And  he  stopped  onbuttonin'  his  vest 
— he  had  onbuttoned  his  shirt-collar  and  took  his  old 
neck-tie  off  on  his  way  from  the  gate — so  ardent 
and  impulsive  is  my  dear  pardner,  and  so  anxious 
to  start. 

"  Why,"  sez  he,  "  I  told  you,  didn't  I  ?  I  am 
goin'  to  Washington  to  tend  to  that  Equinomical 
Counsel.  Five  hundred  male  men  are  a-goin'  to 
git  together  to  counsel  together  on  the  best  ways 
of  bein'  equinomical.  And  here  at  last" — sez  he 
proudly — "here  at  last  is  the  chance  I  have  always 
been  a-lookin'  out  for.  Here  is  the  opportunitv  for 
me  to  show  off,  and  be  somebodv." 

And  here  he  begun  agin  to  onbutton  his  shirt- 
sleeves and  loosen  his  collar. 

But  I  sez  slowlv  and  firmly,  and  as  much  like  a 
heavy  weight  as  I  could — ■ 


IOS  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"  It  is  three  hours  to  train  time.  Set  down  and 
act  like  a  human  bein'  and  a  Methodist,  and  tell  me 
what  it  is  you  want  to  do." 

He  glanced  up  at  the  clock  onto  the  mantelrv- 
piece,  and  he  see  I  wuz  right  about  the  time.  And 
he  sot  down,  and  sez  he — 

"That  is  jest  how  I  want  to  act,  like  a  Methodist, 
and  a  equinomical  counsellor." 

"  What  for  ?"  sez  I.      "  What  do  you  want  to  do  ?" 

"  Why,  to  teach  'em,"  sez  he.  "  To  show  my- 
self off.     To  counsel  'em." 

"To  counsel  'em  about  what?"  sez  I  heavily, 
bein'  bound  to  come  to  the  bottom  of  the  matter, 
and  the  sense  on't,  if  sense  there  wuz  in  it. 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "they  are  havin'  a  counsel  there 
to  see  if  there  are  any  new  ways  for  men  and  Metho- 
dists to  be  equinomical.  And  I'll  be  dumned  if  there 
is  a  man  or  a  Methodist  from  Maine  to  Florida  that 
can  counsel  'em  better  about  bein'  equinomical  than 
I  can. 

"Why,  you  have  always  said  so,"  sez  he.  "You 
have  called  it  tightness,  but  I  have  always  known 
that  it  wuz  pure  economy  ;  and  now,"  sez  he,  "has 
come  the  chance  of  a  lifetime,  for  me  to  rise  up 
and  show  myself  off  before  the  nation.  To  git  the 
high,  lofty  name  that  I  ort  to  have,  and  do  good." 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  IO9 

I  dropped  my  choppin'  knife  out  of  my  hand,  and 
rested  my  elbow  on  the  table,  and  leaned  my  head 
on  my  hand  in  deep  thought. 

I  see  he  had  more  sense  on  his  side  than  I 
thought  he  had.  I  recollected  the  different  and 
various  ways  in  which  he  had  showed  his  equinomi- 
cal  tightness  sence  our  married  life  begun,  and  I 
trembled  for  the  result. 

I  ruminated  over  our  early  married  life,  and  how, 
in  spite  of  his  words  of  almost  impassioned  tender- 
ness and  onwillingness  for  me  to  harm  and  strain  my- 
self by  approachin'  the  political  pole — still  how  he 
had  let  me  wrestle  with  weighty  hop-poles  and  draw 
water  out  of  a  deep  well  with  a  cistern  pole  for 
more'n  fourteen  years. 

I  remembered  how  he  had  nearly  flooded  out  his 
own  precious  and  valuable  insides  at  Saratoga  by 
his  wild  efforts  to  git  the  full  worth  of  the  five 
cents  he  had  advanced  to  the  Spring-tender. 

I  remembered  the  widder's  mite,  how  he  had  in- 
terpreted that  scriptural  incident  about  that  noble 
female — as  interpreters  will,  to  suit  their  own  idees 
as  males— and  how  I  had  argued  with  him  in  vain 
on  the  mite,  and  his  onscriptural  and  equinomical 
views. 

I  felt   that   he  had  a  strong  and   powerful  case  ; 


110  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

and  though  I  could  not  brook  the  idee  of  his  goin', 
still  I  thought  that  I  must  be  as  wise  as  a  serpent 
and  as  harmless  as  a  turkle-dove,  to  git  the  victory 
over  him. 

He  see  by  the  fluckuations  of  color  on  my  usiallv 
calm  cheek,  and  by  the  pensive  and  thoughtful  look 
in  my  two  gray  orbs,  that  I  felt  the  strength  and 
powerfulness  of  his  cause. 

And  as  he  mused,  he  begun  in  joyous  and 
triumphant  axents  to  bring  up  before  me  some  of 
his  latest  and  most  striking  instances  of  equinomi- 
cal  tightness. 

Sez  he,  "  Do  you  remember  the  case  of  Sy  Bid- 
dlecomb,  and  them  green  pumpkins  of  mine,  how 
I — "  But  I  interrupted  his  almost  fervid  eloquence, 
and  sez  I,  with  my  right  hand  extended  in  a  real 
eloquent  wave, 

"  Pause,  Josiah  Allen,  and  less  consider  and 
weigh  things  in  the  balances.  Go  not  too  fast,  less 
disapintment  attend  your  efforts,  and  mortifica- 
tion wrops  you  in  its  mantilly. 

"  Your  equinomical  ways,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I, 
"  it  seems  to  me  ort  to  rize  you  up  above  every 
other  man  on  the  face  of  the  globe,  and  make  a  lion 
of  you  of  the  first  magnitude,  even  a  roarin'  African 
lion,  as  it  were." 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  Ill 

lie  looked  proud  and  happy,  and  T  proceeded. 

"  But  pause  for  one  moment,"  sex  I,  in  tender, 
cautious  axents,  "  and  think  of  the  power,  the 
tremendious  econimy  of  the  males  you  are  a-tryin' 
to  emulate  and  outdo.  Think  of  how  they  have 
dealt  with  the  cause  of  wimmen's  liberty  for  the 
past  few  years,  and  tremble,  blow  dast  you,  one 
weak  man,  though  highly  versed  in  the  ways  of 
equinomical  tightness — how  dast  you  to  try  and  set 
up  and  be  anybody  amid  that  host  ?" 

He  looked  skairt.  He  see  what  he  wuz  a-doin' 
plainer  than  he  had  seen  it,  and  I  went  on  : 

"  Think  of  that  big  Methodist  Conference  in 
New  York  a  few  years  ago  that  Casper  Keeler  told 
us  about — think  how  equinomical  they  wuz  with 
their  dealin's  with  wimmen  on  that  occasion,  and 
ever  sence. 

"  The  wimmen  full  of  good  doin's  and  alms  deeds, 
who  make  up  two  thirds  of  the  church,  who  raise 
the  minister's  salary,  run  the  missionary  and  temper- 
ance societies,  teach  the  Sabbath  schools,  etc.,  etc., 
etc. — 

"  Who  give  the  best  of  their  lives  and  thoughts  to 
the  meetin'-house  from  the  time  they  sell  button- 
hole bokavs  at  church  fairs  in  pantalettes,  till  they 
hand   in  their  widder's  mite  with    tremblin'  lingers 


112  SAMANTHA    AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 

wrinkled  with  age — think  of  this  econimy  in  not 
givin'  in,  not  givin'  a  mite  of  justice  and  right  to  the 
hull  caboodle  of  such  wimmen  throughout  the  length 
and  breadth  of  the  country,  and  then  think  where 
would  your  very  closest  and  tightest  counsel  of 
econimy  stand  by  the  side  of  this  econimy  of  right, 
and  manliness,  and  honor,  and  common  sense." 

He  quailed.  His  head  sunk  on  his  breast.  He 
knew,  tight  as  he  had  always  been,  there  wuz  a 
height  of  tightness  he  had  never  scaled.  He  knew 
he  couldn't  show  off  at  that  Equinomical  Counsel 
by  the  side  of  them  instances  I  had  brung  up,  and 
to  deepen  the  impression  T  had  made,  which  is 
always  the  effort  of  the  great  oriter,  I  resoomed  : 

"Think  of  how  they  keep  up  their  econimy  of 
justice,  and  right,  and  common  sense,  so  afraid  to 
use  a  speck  of  'em,  especially  the  common  sense. 
Think  of  how  they  refused  to  let  wimmen  set  down 
meekly  in  a  humble  pew,  and  say  'Yea'  in  a 
still  small  voice  as  a  delegate,  so  'fraid  that  it  wuz 
outstrippin'  wimmen's  proper  spear — when  these 
very  ministers  have  been  proud  to  open  their  very 
biggest  mcetin'-housen  to  wimmen,  and  let  'em 
teach  'em  to  be  eloquent — let  wimmen  speak  words 
of  help  and  wisdom  from  their  highest  pulpits. 

"  Think  of  this  instance  of  their  equinomical  do- 


SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLDS    FAIR.  113 

in's,"  sez  I,  "and  tremble.  And,"  sez  I,  still  more 
impressively  and  eloquently,  "  what  is  pumpkins 
by  the  side  of  that  ?" 

His  head  sunk  down  lower,  and  lower.  He  wuz 
dumbfoundered  to  think  he  had  been  outdone  in  his 
most  vital  parts,  his  most  tightest  ways.  He  felt 
truly  that  even  if  they  would  listen  to  his  equi- 
nomical  counsels,  they  didn't  need  'em. 

He  looked  pitiful  and  meek,  and  sot  demute  for 
a  couple  of  minutes.  I  see  that  I  had  convinced 
him  about  the  Equinomical  Counsel ;  he  see  that  it 
wouldn't  do,  and  he  wouldn't  make  no  more  show 
than  a  underlin'. 

But  anon,  or  about  that  time,  he  spoke  out  in 
pitiful  axents — 

"  Samantha,  if  I  can't  show  off  any  at  the  Equi- 
nomical Counsel,  I'd  love  to  see  them  male  law- 
makers a-settin'  in  the  Capitol  at  Washington,  D.  C. 
I'd  love  to  mingle  with  'em,  Samantha.  You  know, 
and  I  know,  too,  that  I  am  one  of  'em.  Wuzn't  I 
chose  arbitrator  in  Seth  Meezik's  quarrel  with  his 
father-in-law  ?  1 1  ain't  I  sot  on  juries  in  the  past,  and 
hain't  I  liable  to  set  ? 

"I  want  to  see  them  male  law-makers,  Samantha. 
I  want  to  be  intimate  with  'em." 

I   almost  trembled.      I    can   withstand   my   pard- 


114  SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

ner's  angry  or  excited  moods,  but  here  I  see  pleadin' 
and  longin* ;  I  see  I  had  a  hard  job  in  front  of  me. 
I  hate  to  dissapint  him.  I  hate  to,  like  a  dog. 
But  duty  nerved  me,  and  I  sez — 

"  Josiah,  less  talk  it  over  before  you  decide  to  go. 
Less  bring  up  some  of  the  laws  them  males  have 
made,   or  allow  to  go  on. 

"  I  want  to  talk  to  you  about  'em,  Josiah,"  sez  T, 
"before  I  let  you  depart  to  be  intimate  with  'em." 
Sez  I,  "  Do  you  remember  the  old  adage,  a  dog  is 
known  by  the  company  he  keeps  ?  Before  you  go 
to  be  one  of  them  dogs,  Josiah  .Mien,  and  be  known 
as  one  of  'em,  less  recall  some  of  the  lawful  inci- 
dents of  a  few  months  back."  Sez  I,  "  We  won't 
raise  our  skirts  and  wade  back  into  history  to  any 
great  depth,  and  hove  out  a  large  quantity  of  'em, 
but  will  keep  in  the  shaller  water  of  a  few  short 
fleetin'  months,  and  pick  up  one  or  two  of  the  in- 
numerable number  of  'em  ;  and  then,  if  you  want  to 
go,  why — "  sez  I,  in  the  tremblin'  axents  of  fond 
affection— "  why,  I  will  pack  your  saddle-bags." 

Then  I  went  on  calmly  and  brung  up  a  few  laws 
and  laid  'em  down  before  him. 

I  brung  up  the  Indians  doin's,  the  Mormons,  the 
Chinese,  all  on  'em  flagrant. 

But  still  he  had  that  lonerin'  look  on  his  face. 


SAMANTIIA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  115 

Then  1  brung  up  the  rotten  political  (loin's,  the 
unjust  laws  prevailin5  in  regard  to  female  wimmen, 
and  also  the  onrighteousness  of  the  liquor  laws  and 
the  abomination  of  the  license  question  ;  I  talked 
powerful  and  eloquent  on  them  awful  themes,  but  as 
1  paused  a  minute  for  needed  breath,  he  murmured — 

"  I  want  to  be  intimate  with  'em,  Samantha." 

And  then,  bein'  almost  at  my  wits'  end,  I  dropped 
the  general  miscellaneous  way  I  had  used,  and  begun 
to  bring  up  little  separate  instances  of  the  injustices 
of  the  Law.     And  I  see  he  begun  to  be  impressed. 

How  true  it  is  that,  from  the  Bible  down  to  Josiah 
Allen's  Wife,  you  have  to  talk  in  stories  in  order  to 
impress  the  masses !  You  have  to  hold  up  the 
hammer  of  a  personal  incident  to  drive  home  the 
nail  of  Truth  and  have  it  clench  and  hold  fast. 

But  mine  wuz  some  different — mine  wuz  facts, 
every  one  of  'em. 

I  could  have  brung  them  to  that  man  and  laid 
'em  down  in  front  of  him  from  that  time,  almost 
half  past  ten  a.m.,  and  kep  stiddy  at  it  till  ten  p.m., 
and  then  not  know  that  I  had  took  any  from  the 
heap,  so  high  and  lofty  is  the  stack  of  injustices  and 
wrongs  committed  in  the  name  of  the  Law  and 
shielded  by  its  mantilly. 

But   I   had  only  brung  up  two,  jest  two  of  'em  ; 


Il6  SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

not  the  most  flagrant  ones  either,  but  the  first  ones 
that  come  into  my  mind,  jest  as  it  is  when  you  go 
to  a  pile  of  potatoes  to  git  some  for  dinner,  you 
take  the  first  ones  you  come  to,  knowin'  there  is  fur 
bigger  ones  in  the  pile. 

But  them  potatoes  smashed  up  with  cream  and 
butter  are  jest  as  satisfyin'  as  if  they  wuz  bigger. 

So  these  little  truthful  incidents  laid  down  in 
front  of  my  pardner  convinced  him  ;  so  they  wuz 
jest  as  good  for  me  to  use  as  if  I  had  picked  out 
bigger  and  more  flagranter  ones. 

I  first  brung  up  before  him  the  case  of  the  good 
little  Christian  school-teacher  who  had  toiled  for 
years  at  her  hard  work  and  laid  up  a  little  money, 
and  finally  married  a  sick  young  feller  more'n  half 
out  of  pity,  for  he  hadn't  a  cent  of  money,  and  had 
the  consumption,  and  took  good  care  of  him  till  he 
died. 

And  wantin'  to  humor  him,  she  let  him  make  his 
will,  though  he  didn't  so  much  as  own  the  sheet  of 
paper  he  wrote  on,  or  the  ink  or  the  pen. 

And  after  his  death  she  found  he  had  willed  away 
their  onborn  child,  and  when  it  wuz  a  few  months 
old,  and  her  love  had  sent  out  its  strong  shoots,  and 
wropped  the  little  life  completely  round,  his  brother 
she  had  never  seen  come  on  from  his  distant  home 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  W] 

and  took  that  baby  right  out  of  its  mother's  arms, 
and  bore  it  off,  accordin'  to  law. 

I  looked  curiously  at  him  as  I  concluded  this  true 
tale,  but  he  murmured  almost  mechanically — 

"  I  want  to  mingle  with  'em,  Samantha  ;  I  feel 
that  I  want  to  be  intimate  with  'em." 

But  his  axent  wuz  weak,  weak  as  a  cat,  and  I  felt 
that  my  efforts  wuz  not  bein'  throwed  away.  So 
I  hurriedly  laid  holt  of  another  true  incident  that  I 
thought  on,  and  hauled  it  up  in  front  of  him. 

"Think  of  the  case  of  the  pretty  Chinese  girl  of 
twelve  years — jest  the  age  of  our  Tirzah  Ann, 
when  you  used  to  be  a-holdin'  her  on  your  knee, 
and  learnin'  her  the  Sunday-school  lesson,  and  both 
on  us  a-kissin'  her,  and  a-brushin'  back  her  hair 
from  her  sweet  May-day  face,  and  a-pettin'  her,  and 
a-holdin'  her  safe  in  our  heart  of  hearts. 

"Jest  think  of  that  little  girl  bein'  sold  for  a  slave 
by  her  rich  male  father,  and  brought  to  San  Fran- 
cisco, the  home  of  the  brave  and  the  free,  and  there 
put  into  a  place  which  she  thought  wuz  fur  worse 
than  the  bottomless  pit — for  that  she  considered 
wuz  jest  clean  brimstone,  and  despair,  and  vapory 
demons. 

"  But  this  child,  with  five  or  six  other  wimmen, 
wuz  put  into  a  sickeniu'  den  polluted  with  every 


uS 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAD 


crime,  and  subject  to  the  brutal  passions  of  a  crowd 
of  live,  dirty  human  devils. 

"And  when,  half  dead  from  her  dreadful  life,  she  ran 
away  at  the  peril  of  her  life,  and  wuz  taken  in  by  a  char- 
itable woman,  and  nursed  back  to  life  and  sanity  agin, 
"The  law  took  that  baby  out  of  that  safe  refuge, 
and  give  her  back  into  the  hands  of 
her   brutal   master— took  her  back, 
knowin'  the   life  she  would  be  com- 
pelled to  lead. 

"Think    if     it    wuz    our    Tirzah 
Ann,  Josiah  Allen  !" 

"  Dum  the  dum  fools  !"  sez  he,  a 
chokin'  some,  and  then  he  pulled 
out  his  bandanna  handkerchief  and 
busted  right  out  a-cryin'  onto  it 
"  Dum  'em,  I  say  !"  sez  he,  out 
of  its  red  and  yeller  depths.  "  I'd  love  to  skin  the 
hull  on  'em,  Judge  and  Jury." 

And  I  sez  meanin'Iy,  "  Now,  do  you  want  to  go  and 
be  intimate  with  them  law-makers,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

"  No,"  sez  he,  a-wipin'  his  eyes  and  a-lookin'  mad, 
"no,  I  don't  !      I  want  sunthin'  to  eat  !" 

And  I  riz  up  imegatly,  and  got  a  good  dinner— a 
extra  good  one.  And  he  never  said  another  word 
about  goin'  to  Washington,  1).  C. 


Dum  'em,  I  say 


CHAPTER  VI. 

There  wuz  sights  and  sights  of  talk  in  Jonesville 
and  the  adjacent  and  surroundin'  world  about  the 
World's  Fair  bein'  open  on  Sundays. 

There  wuz  sights  and  sights  of  fightin'  back  and 
forth  about  the  rights  and  the  wrongs  of  it. 

And  there  wuz  some  talk  about  the  saloons  bein' 
open  too,  bein'  open  week  days  and  Sundays. 

But,  of  course,  there  wuzn't  so  much  talk  about 
that ;  it  seemed  to  be  all  settled  from  the  very  first 
on't  that  the  saloons  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  open  the  hull 
of  the  time— that  they  must  be. 

Why,  it  seemed  to  be  understood  that  drunkards 
had  to  be  made  and  kep  up  ;  murderers,  and  asassins, 
and  thieves,  and  robbers,  and  law-breakers  of  every 
kind,  and  lighters,  and  wife-beaters,  and.  arsons,  and 
rapiners,  and  child-killers  had  to  be  made.  That 
wuz  neccessary,  and  considered  so  from  the  first. 
For  if  this  trade  wuz  to  stop  for  even  one  day  out 
of  the  seven,  why,  where  would  be  the  crimes  and 
casualities,  the  cuttin's  up  and  actin's,  the  murders 
and  the  suicides,  to  fill  up  the  Sunday  papers  with  ? 


120  SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 

And  to  keep  the  police  courts  full  and  a-runnin' 
over  with  business,  and  the  prisons,  and  jails,  and 
reformatorys  full  of  victims,  and  the  morgues  full 
of  dead  bodies. 

No  ;  the  saloons  had  to  be  open  Sundays  ;  that 
wuz  considered  as  almost  a  settled  thing  from  the 
very  first  on't. 

Why,  the  nation  must  have  considered  it  one  of 
the  neccessarys,  or  it  wouldn't  have  gone  into 
partnership  with  'em,  and  took  part  of  the  pay. 

But  there  wuz  a  great  and  almost  impassioned 
fight  a-goin'  on  about  havin'  the  World's  Fair,  the 
broad  gallerys  of  art  and  beauty,  bein'  open  to  the 
public  Sunday. 

Lots  of  Christian  men  and  wimmen  come  right 
out  and  said,  swore  right  up  and  down  that  if 
Christopher  Columbus  let  folks  come  to  his  doin's 
on  Sunday  they  wouldn't  go  to  it  at  all. 

I  spoze  mebby  they  thought  that  this  would 
skare  Christopher  and  make  him  gin  up  his  doin's, 
or  ruther  the  ones  that  wuz  a-representin'  him  to 
Chicago. 

They  did  talk  fearfully  skareful,  and  calculated 
to  skare  any  man  that  hadn't  went  through  with 
what  Christopher  had.  They  said  that  ruther  than 
have  the  young   people   who   would    be   gathered 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  121 

there  from  the  four  ends  of  the  earth — ruther  than 
have  these  innocent  young  creeters  contaminated 
by  walkin'  through  them  rooms  and  lookin'  at 
them  wonders  of  nature  and  art,  why,  they  had 
ruther  not  have  any  Fair  at  all. 

Why,  I  read  sights  and  sights  about  it,  and 
hearn  powerful  talk,  and  immense  quantities  of  it. 

And  one  night  I  hearn  the  most  masterly  and 
convincin'  arguments  brung  up  on  both  sides — 
arguments  calculated  to  make  a  bystander  wobble 
first  one  way  and  then  the  other,  with  the  strength 
and  power  of  'em. 

It  wuz  at  a  church  social  held  to  Miss  Lums, 
and  a  number  of  us  had  got  there  early,  and  this 
subject  wuz  debated  on  before  the  minister  got  there. 

Deacon  Henzy  wuz  the  one  who  give  utterance 
to  the  views  I   have  promulgated. 

He  said  right  out  plain,  "That  no  matter  how 
keen  the  slight  would  be  felt,  he  shouldn't  attend 
to  it  if  it  wuz  open  Sunday."  He  said  "that 
the  country  would  be  ruined  if  it  took  place." 

"Yes,"  sez  Miss  Cornelius  Cork,  "you  are 
right,  Deacon  Henzy.  I  wouldn't  have  Cornelius 
Jr.  go  to  Chicago  if  the  Fair  is  open  Sundays, 
not  for  a  world  full  of  gold.  For,"  sez  she,  "I 
feel  as  if  it  would  be  the  ruin  of  him." 


122  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

And  then  sister  Arvilly  Lanfear  (she  is  always  on 
the  contrary  side),  sez  she — "Why?" 

"Why?"  sez  Miss  Cork.  "You  ask  why? 
You  a  woman  and  a  perfessor  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  Arvilly — -"  why?" 

Sez  Miss  Cork,  "It  would  take  away  all  his 
reverence  for  the  Sabbath,  and  the  God  who  ap- 
pointed that  holy  day  of  rest.  His  morals  would 
he  all  broke  up,  and  he  would  be  a  ruined  boy.  I 
expect  that  he  will  be  there  two  months — that  would 
make  eight  days  of  worldliness  and  wickedness ;  and 
I  feel  that  long  enough  before  the  eighth  day  had 
come  his  principles  would  be  underminded,  and  his 
morals  all  tottered  and  broke  down." 

"  Why  ?"  sez  Arvilly.  "  There  hain't  any  wicked- 
ness a-goin'  on  to  the  Fair  as  I  know  of;  it  is  a 
goin'  to  be  full  and  overflowin'  of  object  lessons  a 
teachin*  of  the  greatness  and  the  glory  of  the  Lord 
of  Heaven,  and  the  might  and  power  of  the  human 
intellect.  Wonders  of  Heaven,  and  wonders  of 
earth,  and  I  don't  see  how  they  would  be  apt  to 
ruin  and  break  down  anybody's  morals  a-contem- 
platin'  'em — not  if  they  wuz  sound  when  they 
begun. 

"  It  seems  to  me  it  would  make  'em  have  ten  times 
the  reverence  they  had  before — reverence  and  awe 


A  MANTUA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


and  worshipful  love  for  the  One,  the  great  and  lov- 
ing mind  that  had  thought  out  all  these  marvels 
of  beauty  and  grandeur  and  spread  'em  out  for 
1 1  is  children's  happiness  and  instruction." 

"  Oh,  yes,"  sez  Miss  Cork.  "On  week  days  it  is 
a  exaltin'  and  upliftin'  and  dreadful  religious  sight  ; 
hut  on  Sundays  it  is  a  crime  to  even  think  on  it. 
Sundays  should  he  kep  pure  and  holy  and  riz  up, 
and  I  wouldn't  have  Cornelius  desecrate  himself 
and  the  Sabbath  by  goin'  to  the  Fair  not  for  a 
world  full  of  gold." 

"  Where  would  he  go  Sundays  while  he  vvuz  in 
Chicago  if  he  didn't  go  there  ?"  sez  Arville. 

She  is  real  cuttin'  sometimes,  Arville  is,  but 
then  Miss  Cork  loves  to  put  on  Arville,  and  twit 
her  of  her  single  state,  and  kinder  act  high-headed 
and  throw  Cornelius  in  her  face,  and  act. 

Sez  Arville — "Where  would  Cornelius  Jr.  go  if 
he  didn't  go  to  the  Fair  ?" 

Cornelius  Jr.    drinks  awful  and  is  onstiddy,  and 
Miss  Cork  hemmed  and  hawed, 
and   finally  said,  in   kind   of    a 
meachin'  way — 

"  Why, to  meetin',of  course." 

Fie  hadn't  been  in  a  meetin'- 
house    for    two  years,    and   we 


He  don't  go  to  meeti.n'  here. 


124  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

all  knew  it,  and  Miss  Cork  knew  that  we  knew  it — 
hence  the  meach. 

"  He  don't  go  to  meetin'  here  to  Jonesville," 
sez  Arville. 

It  wuz  real  mean  in  her,  but  I  spoze  it  wuz  to 
pay  Miss  Cork  off  for  her  aggravatin'. 

And  she  went  on,  "  I  live  right  acrost  the 
road  from  Fasset's  saloon,  and  I  see  him  and  more'n 
a  dozen  other  Jonesvillians  there  most  every  Sunday. 

"  Goin'  to  Chicago  hain't  a-sroin'  to  born  a  man 
agin,  and  change  all  their  habits  and  ways  to  once, 
and  I  believe  if  Cornelius  Jr.  didn't  go  to  the 
Fair  he  would  go  to  worse  places." 

"  Well,"  sez  Miss  Cornelius  Cork,  "  if  he  did, 
I  wouldn't  have  to  bear  the  sin.  I  feel  that  it  is 
my  duty  to  lift  my  voice  and  my  strength  aginst 
the  Sunday  openin'  of  the  Fair,  and  even  if  the 
boys  did  go  to  worse  places,  my  conscience  would 
be  clear  ;  the  sin  wouldn't  rest  on  my  head." 

Sez  Arville,  "  That  is  the  very  way  I  have  heard 
wimmen  talk  who  burned  up  their  boys'  cards,  and 
checker-boards,  and  story-books,  and  drove  their  chil- 
dren away  from  home  to  find  amusement. 

"-They  wanted  the  boys  to  set  down  and  read  the 
Bible  and  sam  books  year  in  and  year  out,  but  they 
wouldn't  do  it,  for  there  wuz  times  when  the  young 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  1 25 

blood  in  'em  riz  up  and  clamered  for  recreation  and 
amusement,  and  seein'  that  they  couldn't  git  it  at 
home,  under  the  fosterin'  care  of  their  father  and 
mother,  why,  they  looked  for  it  elsewhere,  and  found 
it  in  low  saloons  and  bar-rooms,  amongst  wicked  and 
depraved  companions.  And  then,  when  their  boys 
turned  out  gamblers  and  drunkards,  they  would  say 
that  their  consciences  wuz  clear. 

"  But,"  says  Arville,  "  that  hain't  the  way  the  Lord 
done.  He  used  Sundays  and  week  days  to  tell  sto- 
ries to  the  multitude,  to  amuse  'em,  draw  'em  by  the 
silken  cord  of  fancy  towards  the  true  and  the  right, 
draw  'em  away  from  the  bad  towards  the  good.  And 
if  I  had  ten  boys — " 

"  Which  you  hain't  no  ways  likely  to  have,"  says 
Miss  Cork  ;  "no,  indeed,  you  hain't." 

"  No,  thank  Heaven  !  there  hain't  no  chance  on't. 
But  if  I  had  ten  boys  I  would  ruther  have  'em  wan- 
derin'  through  them  beautiful  halls,  full  of  the  won- 
ders of  the  world  which  the  Lord  made  and  give  to 
1 1  is  children  for  their  amusement  and  comfort — I 
would  ruther  have  'em  there  than  to  have  'em  help 
swell  a  congregation  of  country  loafers  in  a  city 
saloon— -learnin'  in  one  day  more  lessons  in  the 
height  and  depth  of  depravity  than  years  of  country 
livin'  would  teach  'em. 


126  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"  These  places,  and  worse  ones,  legalized  places  of 
devils'  pastime,  will  lure  and  beckon  the  raw  youth 
of  the  country.  They  will  Haunt  their  gaudy  attrac- 
tions on  every  side,  and  appeal  to  every  sense  but 
the  sense  of  decency. 

"  And  I  would  feel  fur  safer  about  the  hull  ten  of 
'em,  if  I  knew  they  wuz  safe  in  the  art  galleries,  full 
of  beauty  and  sublimity,  drawin'  their  minds  and 
hearts  insensibly  and  in  spite  of  themselves  upward 
and  onward,  or  lookin'  at  the  glory  and  wonders  of 
practical  and  mechanical  beauty — the  beauty  of  use 
and  invention. 

"  After  walkin'  through  a  buildin'  forty-five  acres 
big,  and  some  more  of  'em  about  as  roomy,  I  should 
be  pretty  sure  that  they  wouldn't  git  out  of  it  in 
time  to  go  any  great  lengths  in  sin  that  day  ;  and 
they  would  be  apt  to  be  too  fagged  out  and  dead 
tired  to  f oiler  on  after  Satan  any  great  distance." 

"Well,"  says  Miss  Snyder,  "  I  d'no  but  I  should 
feel  safer  about  my  Jim  and  John  to  have  'em  there 
in  the  Fair  buildin's  than  runnin'  loose  in  the  streets 
of  Chicago.  They  won't  go  to  meetin'  every  Sun- 
day, and  I  can't  make  'em  ;  and  if  they  do  go,  they 
will  go  in  the  mornin'  late,  and  git  out  as  soon  as 
the  Amen  is  said. 

"  My  boys  are   as  good  as  the  average — full  as 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  \2J 

good  ;  but  I  know  when  they  hain't  got  anything  to 
do,  and  git  with  other  boys,  they  will  cut  up  and  act." 

"  Well,"  says  Miss  Cornelius  Cork,  "  I  know  that 
my  Cornelius  will  never  disgrace  himself  or  me  by 
any  low  acts." 

She  wuz  tellin'  a  big  story,  for  Cornelius  Jr.  had 
been  carried  home  more'n  once  too  drunk  to  walk, 
besides  other  mean  acts  that  wuz  worse  ;  so  we 
didn't  say  anything,  but  we  all  looked  queer  ;  and 
Arville  kinder  sniffed,  and  turned  up  her  nose,  and 
nudged  Miss  Snyder.  But  Miss  Cork  kep  right  on 
— she  is  real  high-headed  and  conceited,  Miss  Cork  is. 

And,  sex  she,  "  Much  as  T  want  to  see  the  Fair, 
and  much  as  1  want  Cornelius  and  Cornelius  Jr. 
to  go  to  it,  and  the  rest  of  the  country,  T  would 
rather  not  have  it  take  place  at  all  than  to  have  it 
open  Sundays." 

"And  1  feel  jest  so,"  sez  Miss  Henzy. 

Then  young  Lihu  Widrig  spoke  up.  lie  is  old 
Elihu  Widrig' s  only  son,  and  he  has  been  off  to 
college,  and  is  home  on  a  vacation. 

He  is  dretful  deep  learnt,  has  studied  Creek  and 
lots  of  other  languages  that  are  dead,  and  some  that 
are  most  dead. 

He  spoke  up,  and  sez  he  : 

"  What  is  this  Sabbath,  anyway  ?" 


128  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

We  didn't  any  of  us  like  that,  and  we  showed  we 
didn't  by  our  means.  We  didn't  want  any  of  his 
new-fangled  idecs,  and  we  looked  high-headed  at 
him  and  riz  up. 

But  he  kep  right  on,  bein'  determined  to  have  his 
say. 

"  You  can  foller  the  Sabbath  we  keep  right  back, 
straight  as  a  string,  to  planet  worship.  Before  old 
Babylon  ever  riz  up  at  all,  to  say  nothin'  of  fallin', 
the  dwellers  in  the  Euphrates  Valley  kep  a  Sabbath. 
They  spozed  there  wuz  seven  planets,  and  one  day 
wuz  give  to  each  of  them.  And  Saturday,  the  old 
Jewish  Sabbath,  wuz  given  to  Saturn,  cruel  as  ever 
he  could  be  if  the  ur  in  his  name  wuz  changed  to  e. 
In  those  days  it  wuz  not  forbidden  to  work  in  that 
day,  but  supposed  to  be  unlucky. 

"  Some  as  Ma  regards  Friday." 

It  wuz  known  that  Miss  Widrig  wouldn't  begin  a 
mite  of  work  Fridays,  not  even  hemin'  a  towel  or 
settin'  up  a  sock  or  mitten. 

And,  sez  he,  "When  we  come  down  through 
history  to  the  Hebrews,  we  find  it  a  part  of  the 
Mosaic  law,  the  Ten  Commandments. 

"  In  the  second  book  of  the  Bible  we  find  the 
reason  given  for  keeping  the  Sabbath  is,  the  Lord 
rested  on  that  day.      In  the  fifth  book  we  find  the 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  I2Q 

reason  given  is  the  keeping  of  a  memorial  for  the 
deliverance  out  of  Egypt. 

"  Now  this  commandment  only  forbids  working 
on  that  day  ;  no  matter  what  else  you  do,  you  are 
obeying  the  fourth  commandment.  According  to 
that  command,  you  could  go  to  the  World's  Fair,  or 
wherever  you  had  a  mind  to,  if  you  did  not  work. 

"  The  Puritan  Sabbath  wuz  a  very  different  one 
from  that  observed  by  Moses  and  the  Prophets, 
which  wuz  mainly  a  day  of  rest." 

"  Wall,  I  know,"  sez  Miss  Yerden,  "  that  the 
only  right  way  to  keep  the  Sabbath  is  jest  as  we  do, 
go  to  meetin'  and  Sunday-school,  and  do  jest  as  we 
do." 

Sez  Lihu,  "  Maybe  the  people  to  whom  the 
law  wuz  delivered  didn't  understand  its  meaning  so 
well  as  we  do  to-day,  after  the  lapse  of  so  many 
centuries,  so  well  as  you  do,  Miss  Yerden." 

We  all  looked  coldly  at  Lihu  ;  we  didn't  approve 
of  his  talk.  But  Miss  Yerden  looked  tickled,  she 
is  so  blind  in  her  own  conceit,  and  Lihu  spoke  so 
polite  to  her,  she  thought  he  considered  her  word 
as  goin'  beyend  the  Bible. 

Then  Lophemia  Pegrum  spoke  up,  and  sez  she — ■ 

"  Don't  you  believe  in  keeping  the  Sabbath,  Lihu?" 

"Yes,    indeed,    I   do,"  sez   he,  firm   and  decided, 


I30  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

"  I  do  believe  in  it  with  all  my  heart.  It  is  a 
blessed  break  in  the  hard  ereakin'  roll  of  the  wheel 
of  Labor,  a  needed  rest— needed  in  every  way 
for  tired  and  worn-out  brain  and  muscle,  soul  and 
body ;  but  I  believe  in  telling  the  truth,"  sez 
he. 

He  always  wuz  a  very  truthful  boy — born  so,  we 
spoze.  Almost  too  truthful  at  times,  his  ma  used 
to  think.  She  used  to  have  to  whip  him  time  and 
agin  for  bringin'  out  secret  things  before  company, 
such  as  borrowed  dishes,  and  runnin's  of  other 
females,  and  such. 

So  we  wuz  obliged  to  listen  to  his  remarks 
with  a  certain  amount  of  respect,  for  we  knew 
that  he  meant  every  word  that  he  said,  and  we 
knew  that  he  had  studied  deep  into  ancient  his- 
tory, no  matter  how  much  mistook  we  felt  that 
he  wuz. 

But  Miss  Yerden  spoke  up,  and  sez  she — ■ 

"  I  don't  care  whether  it  is  true  or  not.  I 
have  always  said,  and  always  will  say,  that  if  any 
belief  o-oes  aginst  the  Bible,  I  had  ruther  believe 
in  the   Bible  than  in  the  truth  any  time." 

And  more  than  half  of  us  wimmen  agreed 
with  her. 

You  see,  so  many  reverent,  and  holy,  and  divine 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS    FAIR.  131 

thoughts  and  memories  clustered  round  that  book, 
that  we  didn't  love  to  have  'em  disturbed.  It 
wuz  like  havin'  somebody  take  a  spade  and  dig 
up  the  voyalets  and  lilies  on  the  grave  of  the 
nearest  and  dearest,  to  try  to  prove  sui.thin'  or 
ruther. 

We  feel  in  such  circumstances  that  we  had 
ruther  be  mistook  than  to  have  them  sweet  posies 
disturbed  and  desecrated. 

Holy  words  of  counsel,  and  reproof,  and  conso- 
lation delivered  from  the  Most  High  to  His 
saints  and  prophets — words  that  are  whispered 
over  our  cradles,  and  whose  truth  enters  our 
lives  with  our  mother's  milk  ;  that  sustains  us  and 
helps  us  to  bear  the  hard  toils  and  burdens  of 
the  day  of  life,  and  that  go  with  us  through  the 
Valley  and  the  Shadow — the  only  revelation  we 
have  of  God's  will  to  man,  the  written  testimony 
of  His  love  and  compassion,  and  the  only  map 
in  which  we  trace  our  titles  clear  to  a  heavenly 
inheritance. 

If  errors  and  mistakes  have  crept  in  through 
the  weaknesses  of  men,  or  if  the  pages  have  be- 
come blotted  by  the  dust  of  time,  we  hated  to 
have  'em  brung  out  and  looked  too  clost  into — 
we  hated  to,   like  a  dog, 


132  SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

So  we,  most  all  of  us,  had  a  fellow  feelin'  for 
Miss  Yerden,  and  looked  appro vin'  at  her. 

And  Lihu,  seein'  we  looked  cold  at  him,  and  bein' 
sensitive,  and  havin'  a  hard  cold,  he  said  "  he 
guessed  he  would  go  over  to  the  drug-store  and 
git  some  hoarhoun  candy  for  his  cough." 

So  he  went  out.  And  then  Miss  Cork  spoke 
up,  and  sez  she — 

"  How  it  would  look  in  the  eyes  of  the  other 
nations  to  have  us  a  breakin'  Sundays  after  keep- 
in'  'em  pure  and  holy  for  all  these  years." 

"  Pure  and  holy  !"  sez  Arvilly.  "Why,  jest  look 
right  here  in  the  country,  and  see  the  way  the  Sab- 
bath is  desecrated.  Saturday  nights  and  Sundays 
is  the  very  time  for  the  devil's  high  jinks.  More 
whiskey  and  beer  and  hard  cider  is  consumed 
Saturday  nights  and  Sundays  than  durin'  all  the 
rest  of  the  week. 

"  Why,  right  in  my  neighborhood  a  man  who 
makes  cider  brandy  carrys  off  hull  barrels  of  it 
most  every  Saturday,  so's  to  have  it  ready  for 
Sunday  consumption. 

"  The  saloons  are  crowded  that  day,  and  black 
eyes,  and  bruised  bodies,  and  sodden  intellects,  and 
achin'  hearts  are  more  frequent  Sundays  than  any 
Other  day  of  the  week,  and  you  know  it. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  I  33 

"And  after  standin'  all  this  desecration  calmly 
for  year  after  year,  and  votin-  to  uphold  it,  it 
don't  look  consistent  to  flare  up  and  be  so 
dretful  afraid  of  desecratin'  the  Sabbath  by  havin' 
a  place  of  education,  greater  than  the  world  has 
ever  seen  or  ever  will  see  agin,  open  on  the  Sab- 
bath for  the  youth  of  the  land." 

"  But  the  nation,"  sez  Miss  Henzy,  in  a  skare- 
ful  voice.  "  This  nation  must  keep  up  its  glori- 
ous reputation  before  the  other  countries  of  the 
world.  How  will  it  look  to  'em  to  have  our 
Goverment  permit  such  Sunday  desecration  ? 
This  is  a  national  affair,  and  we  should  not  be 
willin'  to  have  our  glorious  nation  do  anything 
to  lower  itself  in  the  eyes  of  the  assembled  and 
envious  world." 

Sez  Arville,  "If  our  nation  can  countenance 
such  doin's  as  I  have  spoke  of,  the  man-killin' 
and  brute-makin',  all  day  Sundays,  and  not  only 
permit  it,  but  go  into  pardnership  with  it,  and  take 
part  of  the  pay — if  it  can  do  this  Sundays,  year 
after  year,  without  bein'  ashamed  before  the  other 
nations,  I  guess  it  will  stand  it  to  have  the  Fair 
open." 

"But,"  says  Miss  Bobbet,  "  even  if  it  is  better 
for  the  youth  of  the  country,   and    I    d'no  but    it 


134  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

will  be,  it  will  have  a  bad  look  to  the  other 
nations,  as  Sister  Henzy  sez  —  it  will  look 
bad." 

Says  Arville,  "That  is  what  Miss  Balcomb  said 
about  her  Ned  when  she  wouldn't  let  him  play 
games  to  home  ;  she  said  she  didn't  eare  so  much 
about  it  herself,  but  thought  the  neighbors  would 
blame  her  ;  and  Ned  got  to  goin'  away  from  home 
for  amusement,  and  is  now  a  low  gambler  and 
loafer.  I  wonder  whether  she  would  ruther  have 
kep  her  boy  safe,  or  made  the  neighbors  easy  in 
their  minds. 

"  And  now  the  neighbors  talk  as  bad  agin  when 
they  see  him  a-reelin'  by.  She  might  have  known 
folks  would  talk  anyway — if  they  can't  run  folks 
for  doin'  things  they  will  run  'em  for  not  doin' 
'em — they'll  talk  every  time." 

"  Yes,   and  don't  you  forgit  it,"  sez   Bub   Lum. 

But  nobody  minded  Bub,  and  Miss  Cork  begun 
agin  on  another  tact. 

"  See  the  Sabbath  labor  it  will  cause,  the  great 
expenditure  of  strength  and  labor,  to  have  all 
them  stupendious  buildin's  open  on  the  Sabbath. 
The  onseemly  and  deafnin'  noise  and  clatter  of 
the  machinery,  and  the  toil  of  the  men  that  it 
will  take  to  run   and  take  care   of    all  the   depart- 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  I35 

merits,   and  the  labor    of    the    poor  men  who  will 
have  to  carry  guests  back  and  forth  all  day." 

"  I  d'no,"  sez  Arville,    "  whether   it  will  take  so 
much  more  work  or  not ;  it  is  most  of  it  run  by 


water-power  and  electricity,  and  water  keeps  on 
a-runnin'  all  day  Sunday  as  well  as  week  days. 

"  Your  mill-dam  don't  stop,  Miss  Cork,  because 
it  is  Sunday." 

Miss  Cork's  house  stands  right  by  the  dam,  and 
you  can't  hear  yourself  speak    there    hardly,   so  it 


136  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

wuz  what  you  might  expect,  to  have  her  object 
specially  to  noise. 

Miss  Cork  kinder  tosted  her  head  and  drawed 
down  her  upper  lip  in  a  real  contemptious  way, 
and  Arvilly  went  on  and  resoomed  : 

"And  electricity  keeps  on  somewhere  a-actin' 
and  behavin'  ;  it  don't  stop  Sundays.  I  have  seen 
worse  thunder-storms  Sundays,  it  does  seem  to 
me,  than  I  ever  see  week  days.  And  when  old 
Mom  Nater  sets  such  a  show  a-goin'  Sundays, 
you  have  got  to  tend  it,  whether  you  think  it  is 
wicked  or  not. 

"  And  as  for  the  work  of  carry  in'  folks  back 
and  forth  to  it,  meetin'-housen  have  to  run  by 
work — hard  work,  too.  Preachin',  and  singin',  and 
ringin'  bells,  and  openin'  doors,  and  lightin'  gas, 
and  usherin'  folks  in,   and  etc.,   etc.,   etc. 

"And  horse-cars  and  steam-cars  have  to  run  to 
and  frow  ;  conductors,  and  brakemen,  and  firemen, 
and  engineers,   and  etc.,   etc. 

"  And  horses  have  to  be  harnessed  and  worked 
hard,  and  coachmen,  and  drivers,  and  men  and 
wimmen  have  to  work  hard  Sundays.  Yes,  in- 
deed. 

"  Now,  my  sister-in-law,  Jane  Lanfear,  works 
harder  Sundays  than  an)'  day    out    of    the    seven. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  1 37 

They  take  a  place  with  thirty  cows  on  it,  and  she 
and  Jim,  bein'  ambitious,  do  almost  all  the  work 
themselves. 

"Every  Sunday  mornin'  Jane  gets  up,  and  she 
and  Jim  goes  out  and  milks  fifteen  cows  apiece, 
and  then  Jim  drives  them  off  to  pasture  and 
comes  back  and  harnesses  up  and  carries  the  milk 
three  miles  to  a  cheese  factory,  and  comes  back 
and  does  the  other  out-door  chores. 

"And  Jane  gets  breakfast,  and  gets  up  the  three 
little  children,  and  washes  'cm  and  dresses  'em,  and 
feeds  the  little  ones  to  the  table.  And  after  break- 
fast she  does  up  all  her  work,  washes  her  dishes  and 
the  immense  milk-cans,  sweeps,  cleans  lamps  and 
stoves,  makes  beds,  et  cetery,  and  feeds  the  chickens, 
and  ducks,  and  turkeys.  And  by  that  time  it  is 
nine  o'clock.  Then  she  hurries  round  and  washes 
and  combs  the  three  children,  curls  the  hair  of  the 
twin  girls,  and  then  gets  herself  into  her  best 
clothes,  and  by  that  time  she  is  so  beat  out  that  she 
is  ready  to  drop  down. 

"  But  she  don't  ;  she  lifts  the  children  into  the  dem- 
ocrat, climbs  her  own  weary  form  in  after  'em,  and 
takes  the  youngest  one  in  her  lap.  And  Jim,  havin' 
by  this  time  got  through  with  his  work  and  toiled 
into  his  best  suit,  they  drive  off,  a  colt  follerin'  'em, 


I38  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

and  Jim  havin'  to  get  out  more'n  a  dozen  times  to 
head  it  right,  and  makin'  Jane  wild  with  anxiety,  for 
it  is  a  likely  colt. 

"  Wall,  they  go  four  milds  and  a  half  to  the  meet- 
in'-house — there  hain't  no  Free-well  Baptist  nearer  to 
'em,  and  they  are  strong  in  the  belief,  and  awful  sot 
on  that's  bein'  the  only  right  way.  So  they  go  to 
class-meetin'  first,  and  both  talk  for  quite  a  length 
of  time  ;  they  are  quite  gifted,  and  are  called  so. 
And  then  they  set  up  straight  through  the  sermon, 
and  that  Free-well  Baptist  preaches  more'n  a  hour, 
hot  or  cold  wTeather,  and  then  they  both  teach  a 
large  class  of  children,  and  what  with  takin'  care  of 
the  three  restless  children,  and  their  own  weariness 
on  the  start,  they  are  both  beat  out  before  they  start 
for  home.      And  Jane  has  a  blindin'  headache. 

"  But  she  must  keep  up,  for  she  has  got  to  git  the 
three  babies  home  safe,  and  then  there  is  dinner  to 
get,  and  the  dishes  to  wash,  and  the  housework,  and 
the  out-door  work  to  tend  to,  and  what  with  her 
headache,  and  her  tired-out  nerves  and  body,  and 
the  work  and  care  of  the  babies,  Jane  is  cross  as  a 
bear — snaps  everybody  up,  sets  a  bad  pattern  before 
her  children  and  Jim — and,  in  fact,  don't  get  over  it 
and  hain't  good  for  anything  before  the  middle  of 
the  week. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  139 

"  The  day  of  rest  is  the  hardest  day  of  the  week 
for  her. 

"  But  she  told  me  last  night — she  come  in  to  get 
my  bask  pattern,  she  is  anxious  to  get  her  parmetty 
dress  done  for  the  World's  Fair — but  she  said  that 
she  shouldn't  go  if  it  wuz  open  Sunday,  for  her 
mind  wuz  so  sot  on  havin'  the  Sabbath  kep  strict 
as  a  day  of  rest. 

"  Now  I  believe  in  goin'  to  meetin'  as  much  as 
anybody,  and  always  have  been  regular.  But  I  say 
Jane  hain't  consistent."      (They  don't  agree.) 

Arvilly  stopped  here  a  minute  for  needed  breath. 
Good  land  !  I  should  have  thought  she  would  ;  and 
Lophemia  Pegrum  spoke  up — she  is  a  dretful 
pretty  girl,  but  very  sentimental  and  romantic,  and 
talks  out  of  poetry  books.      Sez  she  : 

"  Another  thought  :  Nature  works  all  the  Sabbath 
day.  Flowers  bloom,  their  sweet  perfume  wafts 
abroad,  bees  gather  the  honey  from  their  fragrant 
blossoms,  the  dews  fall,  the  clouds  sail  on,  the 
sun  lights  and  warms  the  World,  the  grass  grows, 
the  grain  ripens,  the  fruit  gathers  the  sunshine 
in  its  golden  and  rosy  globes,  the  birds  sing,  the 
trees  rustle,  the  wind  blows,  the  stars  rise  and 
set,  the  tide  comes  in  and  goes  out,  the  waves 
wash    the    beach,    and    carries    the    great    ships  to 


140  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

their  havens — in  fact,  Nature  keeps  her  World's 
Fair  open  every  day  of  the  week  just  alike." 

"Yes,"  sez  Miss  Eben  Sanders — she  is  always 
on  the  side  of  the  last  speaker — she  hain't  to  be 
depended  on,  in  argument.  But  she  speaks  quite 
well,  and  is  a  middlin'  good  woman,  and  kind- 
hearted.      Sez  she — 

"  Look  at  the  poor  people  who  work  hard  all 
the  week  and  who  can't  spend  the  time  week  days 
to  go  to  this  immense  educational  school. 

"Them  who  have  to  work  hard  and  steady  every 
working  day  to  keep  bread  in  the  hands  of  their 
families,  to  keep  starvation  away  from  themselves 
and  children — clerks,  seamstresses,  mechanics,  mil- 
liners, typewriters,  workers  in  factories,  and  shops, 
etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

"  Children  of  toil,  who  bend  their  weary  frames 
over  their  toilsome,  oncongenial  labor  all  the  week, 
with  the  wolves  of  Cold  and  Hunger  a-prowlin' 
round  'em,  ready  to  devour  them  and  their  chil- 
dren if  they  stop  their  labor  for  one  day  out  of 
the  six — 

"  Think  what  it  would  be  for  these  tired-out, 
beauty-starved  white  slaves  to  have  one  day  out 
of  the  seven  to  feast  their  eyes  and  their  hungry 
souls  on  the  best  of  the  World. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS    FAIR.  141 

"What  an  outlook  it  would  give  their  work- 
blinded  eyes !  What  a  blessed  change  it  would 
make  in  all  their  dull,  narrow,  cramped  lives  !  While 
their  hands  wuz  full  of  work,  their  quickened  fancy 
would  live  over  again  the  too  brief  hours  they 
spent  in  communion  with  the  World's  best — the 
gathered  beauty  and  greatness  and  glory  of  the 
earth.  Whatever  their  toil  and  weariness,  they  had 
lived  for  a  few  hours,  their  eyes  had  beheld  the 
glory  of  God  in  His  works." 

Miss  Cork  yawned  very  deep  here,  and  Miss 
Sanders  blushed  and  stopped.  They  hain't  on 
speakin'  terms.      Caused  bv  hens. 

And  then  Miss  Cork  sez  severely — a  not  noticin' 
Miss  Sanders  speech  at  all,  but  a-goin'  back  to 
Arvilly's — she  loves  to  dispute  with  her,  she  loves  to 
clearly — 

"You  forgot  to  mention  when  you  wtuz  talkin' 
about  Sabbath  work  connected  with  church-goin' 
that  it  wuz  to  worship  God,  and  it  wuz  therefore 
right — no  matter  how  wearisome  it  wuz,  it  wuz  per- 
fectly right." 

"  Wall,  I  d'no,"  sez  Arvilly — "  I  d'no  but  what 
some  of  the  beautiful  pictures  and  wonderful  works 
of  Art  and  Nature  that  will  be  exhibited  at  the 
World's   Fair  would   be  as  upliftin'  and  inspirin'  to 


142  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

me  as  some  of  the  sermons  I  hear  Sundays. 
Specially  when  Brother  Ridley  gits  to  talkin'  on 
the  Jews,  and  the  old  Egyptians. 

"It  stands  to  reason  that  if  I  could  see  Pharo's 
mummy  it  would  bring  me  nearer  to  him,  and  them 
plagues  and  that  wickedness  of  hisen,  than  Brother 
Ridley's  sermon  could. 

"  And  when  I  looked  at  a  piece  of  the  olive  tree 
under  which  our  Saviour  sot  while  He  wuz  a-weepin' 
over  Jeruesalem,  or  see  a  wonderful  picture  of  the 
crucifixion  or  the  ascension,  wrought  by  hands  that 
the  Lord  Himself  held  while  they  wuz  painted — I 
believe  it  would  bring  Him  plainer  before  me  than 
Brother  Ridley  could,  specially  when  he  is  tizickey, 
and  can't  speak  loud. 

"Why,  our  Lord  Himself  wuz  took  to  do  more 
than  once  by  the  Pharisees,  and  told  He  wuz  breakin' 
the  Sabbath.  And  He  said  that  the  Sabbath  wuz 
made  for  man,  and  not  man  for  the  Sabbath. 

"  And  He  said,  '  Consider  the  Lilies ' — that  is, 
consider  the  Lord,  and  behold  Him  in  the  works  of 
His  hands. 

"  Brother  Ridley  is  good,  no  doubt,  and  it  is  right 
to  go  and  hear  him — I  hain't  disputed  that — but 
when  he  tries  to  bring  our  thoughts  to  the  Lord,  he 
has   to    do    it  through   his  own   work,   his  writin', 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


H3 


which  he  did  himself  with  a  steel  pen.  And  I  d'no 
as  it  is  takin'  the  idees  of  the  Lord  so  much  at  first 
hand  as  it  is  to  study  the  lesson  of  the  Lilies  He 
made,  and  which  He  loved  and  admired  and  told  us 
to  consider. 

"  The  World's  Fair  is  full  of  all  the  beauty  He 
made,  more  wonderful  and  more  beautiful  than  the 
lilies,  and  I  d'no  as  it  is  wrong  to  consider  'em 
Sundays  or  week  days." 

"  But,"  sez  Miss  Yerden,  "  don't  you  know 
what  the  Bible  sez — '  Forget  not  the  assem- 
blin'  of  yourselves  together  '  ?" 

"  Well,"  piped  up  Bub  Lum,  aged  four- 
teen, and  a  perfect  imp— 

"  I  guess  that  if  the  Fair  is  open  wSun- 
davs,  folks  that  are  there  won't  complain 
about  there  not  bein'  folks  enough  assem- 
bled  together.      1    oriess  they  won't  com- 


Bub  Lum. 


plain  on't — no,  indeed  !" 

But  nobody  paid  any  attention  to  Bub,  and  Ar- 
villy  continued — 

"  I  believe  in  usin'  some  common  sense  right 
along,  week  days  and  Sundays  too.  It  stands  to 
reason  that  the  Lord  wouldn't  gin  us  common  sense 
if  He  didn't  want  us  to  use  it. 

"  We  don't  need  dyin'  grace  while  we  are  a  livin', 


144  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

and  so  with  other  things.  There  will  be  meetin'- 
housen  left  and  ministers  in  1894,  most  likely, 
and  we  can  attend  to  'em  right  along  as  long  as 
we  live. 

"  But  this  great  new  open  Book  of  Revelations, 
full  of  God's  power  and  grace,  and  the  wonder- 
ful story  of  what  He  has  done  for  us  sence  He 
wakened  the  soul  of  His  servant,  Columbus,  and 
sent  him  over  the  troubled  ocean  to  carry  His 
name  into  the  wilderness,  and  the  strength  and 
the  might   He  has  given  to  us  sence  as  a  nation — 

"This  great  object  lesson,  full  of  the  sperit  of 
prophecy  and  accomplishment,  won't  be  here  but 
a  few  short   months. 

"And  T  believe  if  there  could  be  another  chap- 
ter added  to  the  Bible  this  week,  and  we  could 
have  the  Lord's  will  writ  out  concern  in'  it,  I  be- 
lieve it  would  read — ■ 

"  '  Go  to  that  Fair.  Study  its  wonderful  lessons 
with  awe  and  reverence.  Go  week  days  if  you 
can,  and  if  you  can't,  go  Sundays.  And  you  rich 
people,  who  have  art  galleries  of  your  own  to 
wander  through  Sundays,  and  gardens  and  green- 
houses full  of  beauty  and  sweetness,  and  the  means 
to  seek  out  loveliness  through  the  world,  and 
vdio  don't  need  the  soul  refreshment  these  things 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  145 

give — don't  you  by  any  Pharisaical  law  deprive 
my  poor  of  their  part  in  the  feast  I  have  spread 
for  both  rich  and  poor.'  " 

Sez  Miss  Cork,  "  I  wouldn't  dast  to  talk  in  that 
way,  Arville.  To  add  or  diminish  one  word  of 
skripter  is  to  bring  an  awful  penalty." 

"  I  hain't  a-goin'  to  add  or  diminish,"  says  Ar- 
ville. "  I  hain't  thought  on't.  I  am  merely  statin' 
what,  in  my  opinion,  would  be  the  Lord's  will  on 
the   subject." 

But  right  here  the  schoolmaster  struck  in.  He 
is  a  very  likely  young  man — smart  as  a  whip,  and 
does  well  by  the  school,  and  makes  a  stiddy  prac- 
tice of  mindin'  his  own  business  and  behavin'. 

He  is  a  great  favorite  and  (mite  good-lookin', 
and  some  say  that  he  and  Lophemia  Pegrum  are 
engaged  ;    but  it  hain't  known  for  certain. 

He  spoke  up,  and  sez  he,  "There  is  one  great 
thing  to  think  of  when  wc  talk  on  this  matter. 
There  is  so  much  to  be  said  on  both  sides  of  this 
subject  that  it  is  almost  impossible  to  shut  your 
eyes  to  the  advantages  and  the  disadvantages  on 
both  sides. 

"But,"  sez  he,  "if  this  nation  closes  the  Fair 
Sundays,  it  will  be  a  great  object  lesson  to  the 
youth  of  this  nation   and   the  world   at   large  of  the 


I46  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

sanctity  and  regard  we  have  for  our  Puritan  Sab- 
bath— 

"  Of  our  determination  to  not  have  it  turned  into 
a  day  of  amusement,  as  it  is  in  some  European 
countries. 

"  It  would  be  something  like  painting  up  the 
Ten  Commandments  and  the  Lord's  Prayer  in 
gold  letters  on  the  blue  sky  above,  so  that  all 
who  run  may  read,  of  the  regard  we  have  for 
the  day  of  rest  that  God  appointed.  The  regard 
we  have  for  things  spiritual,  onseen — our  conflicts 
and  victories  for  conscience'  sake — the  priceless 
heritage  for  which  our  Pilgrim  Fathers  braved  the 
onknown  sea  and  wilderness,  and  our  forefathers 
fought  and  bled  for." 

"They  fit  for  Liberty  !"  sez  Arville.  She  would 
have  the  last  word.  "And  this  country,  in  the 
name  of  Religion,  has  whipped  Quakers,  and 
Baptists,  and  hung  witches — and  no  knowin'  what 
it  will  do  agin.  And  I  think,"  sez  she,  "that  it 
would  look  better  now  both  from  the  under  and 
upper  side — both  on  earth  and  in  Heaven — to 
close  them  murderous  and  damnable  saloons,  that 
are  drawin'  men  to  visible  and  open  ruin  all  round 
us  on  every  side,  than  to  take  such  great  pains 
to  impress  onseen  things  onto  strangers." 


SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 


H7 


She  would  have  the  last  word — she  wuz  hound 
to. 

And  the  schoolmaster,  bein'  real  polite,  though 
he  had  a  look  as  if  he  wuzn't  convinced,  yet  he 
bowed  kinder  genteel  to  Arvilly,  as  much  as  to 
say,  "  I  will  not  dispute  any  further  with  you." 
And  then  he  got  up  and  wTent 
over  and  sot  down  by  Lophemia 
Pegrum. 

And  I  see  there  wuz  no  pros- 
pect of  their  different  minds  a- 
comin'  any  nearer  together. 

And  I'll  be  hanged  if  I  could 
wonder  at  it.  Why,  I  myself  see 
things  so  plain  on  both  sides  that 
I  would  convince  myself  time  and  agin  both  ways. 

I  would  be  jest  as  firm  as  a  rock  for  hours  at 
a  time  that  it  would  be  the  only  right  thing  to 
do,  to  shet  up  the  Fair  Sundays — shet  it  up  jest 
as  tight  as  it  could  be  shet. 

And  then  agin,  I  would  argue  in  my  own  mind, 
back  and  forth,  and  convince  myself  (ontirely  on- 
beknown  to  me)  that  it  would  be  the  means  of 
doin'  more  good  to  the  young  folks  and  the  poor 
to  have  it  open. 

Why,    I    had    a    fearful    time,    time    and     agin, 


Neuralligy  wuz  a  safe 

SUBJECT. 


I48  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

a-arguin'  and  a-disputin'  with  myself,  and  a-carryin' 
metafors  back  and  forth,  and  a-eppisodin',  when 
nobody  wuz  round. 

And  as  I  couldn't  seem  to  come  to  any  clear 
decision  myself,  a-disputin'  with  jest  my  own  self, 
I  didn't  spoze  so  many  different  minds  would 
become  simultanous  and  agreed. 

So  I  jest  branched  right  off  and  asked  Miss 
Cork  "If  she  had  heard  that  the  minister's  wife 
had  got   the  neuralligy." 

I  felt  that  neuralligy  wuz  a  safe  subject,  and  one 
that  could  be  agreed  on — everybody  despised  it. 

And  gradual  the  talk  sort  o'  quieted  down,  and  I 
led  it  gradual  into  ways  of  pleasantness  and  paths 
of  peace. 


CHAPTER   VII. 

Christopher  Columbus  Allen  got  along  splen- 
did with  his  railroad  business,  and  by  the  time  the 
rest  of  us  wuz  ready  for  the  World's  Fair,  he  wuz. 

We  didn't  have  so  many  preperations  to  make 
as  we  would  in  other  circumstances,  for  Ury  and 
Philury  wuz  goin'  to  move  right  into  our  house, 
and  do  for  it  jest  as  well  as  we  would  do  for  our- 
selves. 

They  had  done  this  durin'  other  towers  that  we 
had  gone  off  on,  and  never  had  we  found  our 
confidence  misplaced,  or  so  much  as  a  towel  or  a 
dish-cloth  missin'. 

We  have  always  done  well  by  them  while  they 
wuz  workin'  for  us  by  the  week  or  on  shares, 
and  they  have  always  jest  turned  right  round 
and  done  well  by  us. 

Thomas  Jefferson  and  Maggie  went  with  us. 
Tirzah  Ann  and  Whitfield  wuzn't  quite  ready  to 
go  when  we  did,  but  they  wuz  a-eomin'  later,  when 
Tirzah   Ann    had  got  all  her  preperations  made — 


150  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR. 

her  own  dresses  done,  and  Whitfield's  night-shirts 
embroidered,  and  her  stockin's  knit. 

I  love  Tirzah  Ann.  But  I  can't  help  seein'  that 
she  duz  lots  of  things  that  hain't  neccessary. 

Now  it  wuzn't  neccessary  for  her  to  have  eleven 
new  dresses  made  a  purpose  to  go  to  the  World's 
Fair,  and  three  white  aprons  all  worked  off  round 
the  bibs  and  pockets. 

Good  land !  what  would  she  want  of  aprons 
there  in  that  crowd  ?  And  she  no  need  to  had 
six  new  complete  suits  of  under-clothes  made,  all 
trimmed  off  elaborate  with  tattin'  and  home-made 
edgin'  before  she  went.  And  it  wuzn't  neccessary 
for  her  to  knit  two  pairs  of  open-work  stockin's 
with  fine   spool  thread. 

I  sez  to  her,  "Tirzah  Ann,  why  don't  you  buy 
your  stockin's  ?  You  can  git  good  ones  for  twenty 
cents.  And,"  sez  I,  "  these  will  take  you  weeks 
and  weeks  to  knit,  besides  bein'  expensive  in  thread." 

But  she  said  "  she  couldn't  find  such  niee  ones  to 
the  store— she  eouldn't  find  shell-work." 

"  Then,"  sez  I,  "  I  shall  go  without  shell-work." 

But  she  said,  "  They  wuz  dretful  ornamental  to 
the  foot,  specially  to  the  instep,  and  she  shouldn't 
want  to  go  without  'em." 

"  But,"   sez    I,    "  who   is  a-goin'  to   see  your   in- 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  1  5  I 

step  ?  You  hain't  a-goin'  round  in  that  crowd  with 
slips  on,  be  you  ?" 

"  No,"  she  said,  "  she  didn't  spoze  she  should,  but 
she  should  feel  better  to  know  that  she  had  on  nice 
stockin's,  if  there  didn't  anybody  see  'cm." 

And  I  thought  to  myself  that  I  should  ruther  be 
upheld  by  my  principles  than  the  consciousness  of 
shell-work  stockin's.  But  I  didn't  say  so  right  out. 
I  see  that  she  wouldn't  give  up  the  idee. 

And  besides  the  stockin's,  which  wuz  goin'  to 
devour  a  fearful  amount  of  time,  she  had  got  to 
embroider  three  night-shirts  for  Whitfield  with  fine 
linen  floss. 

Then  I  argued  with  her  agin.  Sez  I,  "  Good 
land  !  I  don't  believe  that  Christopher  Columbus 
ever  had  any  embroidered  night-shirts."  Scz  I,  "  If 
he  had  waited  to  have  them  embroidered,  and  shell- 
work  stockin's  knit,  we  might  have  not  been  dis- 
covered to  this  day.  But,"  sez  I,  "  good,  sensible 
creeter,  he  knew  better  than  to  do  it  when  he  had 
everything  else  on  his  hands.  And,"  sez  I, 
"with  all  your  housework  to  do — -and  hot  weather 
a-comin'  on — -I  don't  see  how  you  are  a-goin'  to  git 
'em  all  done  and  git  to  the  Fair." 

And  she  said,  "She  had  ruther  come  late,  pre- 
pared, than  to  go  early  with  everything  at  loose  ends." 


152  SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 

"But,"  sez  I,  "good  plain  sensible  night-shirts 
and  Lyle-thread  stockin's  hain't  loose — they  hain't 
so  loose  as  them  you  are  knittin'." 

But  I  see  that  I  couldn't  break  it  up,  so  I  desisted 
in  my  efforts. 

Maggie,  though  she  is  only  my  daughter-in-law, 
takes  after  me  more  in  a  good  many  things  than 
Tirzah  Ann  duz,  who  is  my  own  step-daughter. 
Curious,  but  so  it  is. 

Now,  she  and  I  felt  jest  alike  in  this. 

Who — who  wuz  a-goin'  to  notice  what  you  had 
on  to  the  World's  Fair ;  and  providin'  we  wuz  clean 
and  hull,  and  respectable-lookin',  who  wuz  a-goin'  to 
know  or  care  whether  our  stockin's  wuz  open  work 
or  plain  knittin'  ? 

There,  with  all  the  wonder  and  glory  of  the  hull 
world  spread  out  before  our  eyes,  and  the  hull  world 
there  a-lookin'  at  it,  a-gazin'  at  strange  people,  strange 
customs,  strange  treasures  and  curiosities  from  every 
land  under  the  sun — wonders  of  the  earth  and  won- 
ders of  the  sea,  marvels  of  genius  and  invention,  and 
marvels  of  grandeur  and  glory,  of  Art  and  Nature, 
and  the  hull  world  a-lookin'  on,  and  a-marvellin'  at 
'em.  And  then  to  suppose  that  anybody  would 
be  a-lookin'  out  for  shell-work  stockin's,  a-carin' 
whether  they  wuz  clam-shell  pattern,  or  oyster  shell. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  1 53 

The  idee  ! 

That  is  the  way  Maggie  and  I  felt ;  why,  if  you'll 
believe  it,  that  sweet  little  creeter  never  took  but 
one  dress  with  her,  besides  a  old  wrapper  to  put  on 
mornin's.  She  took  a  good  plain  black  silk  dress, 
with  two  waists  to  it — a  thick  one  for  cool  days  and 
a  thin  one  for  hot  days — and  some  under-clothes,  and 
some  old  shoes  that  didn't  hurt  her  feet,  and  looked 
decent.     And  there  she  wuz  all  ready. 

She  never  bought  a  thing,  I  don't  believe,  not 
one.  You  wouldn't  ketch  her  waitin'  to  embroider 
night-shirts  for  Thomas  Jefferson — no,  indeed  !  She 
felt  jest  as  I  did.  What  would  the  Christopher 
Columbus  World's  Fair  care  for  the  particular  make 
of  Thomas  j's  night-shirts?  That  had  bigger  things 
on  its  old  mind  than  to  stop  and  admire  a  particular 
posey  or  runnin'  vine  worked  on  a  man's  nightly 
bosom.      Yes,  indeed  ! 

But  Tirzah  Ann  felt  jest  that  way,  and  I  couldn't 
make  her  over  at  that  late  day,  even  if  I  had  time 
to  tackle  the  job.  She  took  it  honest — it  come  onto 
her  from  her  Pa. 

The  preperations  that  man  would  have  made  if  he 
had  had  his  head  would  have  outdone  Tirzah  Ann's, 
and  that  is  sayin'  enough,  and  more'n  enough. 

And  the  size  of  the    shoes  that  man   would  have 


154 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


sot  out  with  if  he  had   been  left  alone   would  have 

been  a  shame  and  a  disgrace  to  the  name  of  decency 

as  long-  as  the  world  stands. 

Why,    his    feet    would    have    been   two    smokin' 

sacrifices    laid    on    the  altar  of   corns  and  bunions. 

Yes,  indeed  !     But  I  broke  it  up. 

I  sez,  "  Do  you  lay  out  and  calculate 
to  hobble  round  in  that  pair  of  leather 
vises  and  toe-screws,"  sez  I,  "when  you 
have  got  to  be  on  foot  from  mornin' 
till  night,  day  after  day  ?  Why  under 
the  sun  don't  you  wear  your  good  old 
leather  shoes,  and  feel  comfortable  ?" 

And  he  said  (true  father  of  Tirzah 
Ann),  "  He  wuz  afraid  it  would  make 
talk." 

Sez  I,  "The  idee  of  the  World's  Fair, 
with  all  it  has  got  on  its  mind,  a  noticin' 
or  carin'  whether  you  had  on  shoes  or 
went  barefoot  !     But   if  you  are  afraid 

of  talk,"  sez  I,  "  I   guess  that  it  would  make   full 

as  much  talk  to  see  you   a-goin'  round  a-groanin' 

and    a-cryin'    out   loud.     And    that    is   what    them 

shoes  would  bring  you  to,"  sez  I. 

"  Now,"  sez  I,  "you  jest  do  them  shoes  right  up 

and  carry  'em  back  to  the  store,  and  if  you   have 


"  Leather  vises  and 
toe-screws." 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  1 55 

got  to  have  a  new  pair,  git  some  that  will  be  more 
becomin'  to  a  human  creeter,  let  alone  a  elass-leader, 
and  a  perfessor,  and  a  grandfather." 

So  at  last  I  prevailed — he  a-forebodin'  to  the 
very  last  that  it  would  make  talk  to  see  him  in  sueh 
shoes.  Hut  he  got  a  pair  that  wuzn't  more'n  one 
size  too  small  for  him,  and  1  presumed  to  think 
the)'  would  stretch  some.  And,  anyway,  I  laid  out 
to  put  his  good,  roomy  old  gaiters  in  my  own  trunk, 
so  he  could  have  a  paneky  to  fall  back  on,  and  to 
soothe. 

As  for  myself,  I  took  my  old  slips,  that  had  been 
mv  faithful  companions  for  over  two  years,  and  a 
pair  of  good  big  roomy  bootees. 

I  never  bought  nothin'  new  for  any  of  my  feet, 
not  even  a  shoe-string.  And  the  only  new  thing 
that  I  bought,  anyway,  wuz  a  new  muslin  nightcap 
with  a  lace  ruffle. 

I  bought  that,  and  I  spoze  vanity  and  pride  wuz 
to  the  bottom  of  it.  I  feel  mv  own  shortcoming, 
I  feel  'em  deep,  and  try  to  repent,  every  now  and 
then,  I  do. 

But  I  did  think  in  my  own  mind  that  in  case 
of  fire,  and  I  knew  that  Chicago  wuz  a  great  case 
for  burnin'  itself  up — 1  thought  in  case  of  fire  in 
the   night    1    wouldn't   want   to   be  ketched  with   a 


156  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

plain  sheep's-head  nightcap  on,  which,  though 
comfortable,  and  my  choice  for  stiddy  wear,  hain't 
beautiful. 

And  I  thought  if  there  wuz  a  fire,  and  I  wuz  to 
be  depictered  in  the  newspapers  as  a-bein'  rescued, 
I  did  feel  a  little  pride  in  havin'  a  becomin'  night- 
cap on,  and  not  bein'  engraved  with  a  sheep's  head 
on. 

Thinks'es  I,  the  pictures  in  the  newspapers  are 
enough  to  bring  on  the  cold  chills  onto  anybody, 
even  if  took  bareheaded,  and  what — what  would  be 
the  horror  of  'em  took  in  a  sheep's  head  ! 

There  it  wuz,  there  is  my  own  weakness  sot  right 
down  in  black  and  white.  But,  anyway,  it  only 
cost  thirty-five  cents,  and  there  wuzn't  nothin'  pain- 
ful about  it,  like  Josiah's  shoes,  nor  protracted,  like 
Tirzah  Ann's  stockin's. 

Wall,  Ury  and  Philury  moved  in  the  day  before, 
and  Josiah  and  I  left  in  the  very  best  of  sperits  and 
on  the  ten  o'clock  train,  Maggie  and  Thomas 
Jefferson  and  Krit  a-meetin'  us  to  the  depot. 

Maggie  looked  as  pretty  as  a  pink,  if  she  didn't 
make  no  preperations.  She  had  on  her  plain  waist, 
black  silk,  and  a  little  black  velvet  turban,  and  she 
had  pinned  a  bunch  of  fresh  rosies  to  her  waist, 
and  the  rosies  wuzn't  any  pinker  than   her  pretty 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  I  57 

cheeks  and  lips,  and  the  dew  that  had  fell  into  them 
roses'  hearts  that  night  wuzn't  any  brighter  than  her 
sweet  gray  eyes. 

She  makes  a  beautiful  woman,  Maggie  Allen  duz  ; 
and  she  ort  to,  to  correspond  with  her  husband, 
for  my  boy,  Thomas  Jefferson,  is  a  young  man  of  a 
thousand,  and  it  is  admitted  that  he  is  by  all  the 
Jonesvillians — nearly  every  villian  of  'em  admits  it. 

Tirzah  Ann  and  the  babe  wuz  to  the  depot  to 
see  us  off,  and  she  said  that  she  should  come  on 
jest  as  soon  as  she  got  through  with  her  preperations. 

But  I  felt  dubersome  about  her  comin'  very  soon, 
for  she  took  out  her  knittin'  work  (we  had  to 
wait  quite  a  good  while  for  the  cars),  and  I  see  that 
she  hadn't  got  the  first  one  only  to  the  instep. 

It  is  slow  knittin' — shells  are  dretful  slow  anyway 
— and  she  wuz  too  proud  sperited  to  have  'em  plain 
clam-shell  pattern,  which  are  bigger  and  coarser  ; 
she  had  to  have  'em  oyster-shell  pattern,  in  ridges. 

Wall,  as  I  say,  I  felt  dubersome,  but  I  spoke  up 
cheerful  on  the  outside — 

"If  you  git  your  stockin's  done,  Tirzah  Ann,  you 
must  be  sure  and  come." 

And  she  said  she  would. 

The  way  she  said  it  wuz :  "  One,  two,  three, 
four,  yes,  mother  ;   five,  six,  seven,  I  will." 


158  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

She  had  to  count  every  shell  from  top  to  toe  of 
'em,  which  made  it  hard  and  wearin'  both  for  her 
and  them  she  wuz  conversin'  with. 

Why,  they  do  say — it  come  to  me  straight,  too — 
that  Whitfield  got  that  wore  out  with  them  oyster- 
shell  stockin's  that  he  won't  look  at  a  oyster  sence 
—he  used  to  he  devoted  to  'em,  raw  or  cooked  ;  hut 
they  say  that  you  can't  git  him  to  look  at  one  sence 
the  stockin'  episode,  specially  scolloped  ones. 

No,  he  sex  "that  he  has  had  enough  oysters 
for  a  lifetime." 

Poor  fellow  !  I  pity  him.  I  know  what  them 
actions  of  hern  is  ;  hain't  I  suffered  from  the  one 
she  took  'em  from  ? 

But  to  resoom,  and  continue  on. 

Miss  Gowdey  come  to  the  depot  to  see  me  off, 
and  so  did  Miss  Bobbet  and  the  Widder  Pooler. 

Miss  Gowdey  wuz  a-comin'  to  the  World's  Fair 
as  soon  as  she  made  her  rag-carpet  for  her  summer 
kitchen;  she  said  "she  wouldn't  go  off  and  leave 
her  work  ondone,  and  she  hadn't  got  more'n  half  of 
the  rags  cut,  and  she  hadn't  colored  but-nut  yet,  nor 
copperas  ;  she  would  not  leave  her  house  a-sufferin' 
and  her  rags  oncut." 

I  thought  she  looked  sort  o'  reprovin'  at  me,  for 
she  knew  that  I  had  a  carpet  begun. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR.  I  59 

But  I  spoke  up,  and  sez,  "  Truly  rags  will  be 
always  here  with  us,  and  most  likely  but-nut  and 
copperas  ;  but  the  World's  Fair  comes  but  once  in 
a  lifetime,  and  I  believe  in  embracin'  it  now,  and 
makin'  the  most  of  it."  Sez  I,  "We  can  embrace 
rags  at  any  time." 

"Wall,"  she  said,  "she  couldn't  take  no  comfort 
with  the  memory  of  things  ondone  a-weighin'  down 
on  her."  She  said  "some  folks  wuz  different,"  and 
she  looked  clost  at  me  as  she  said  it.  "  Some  folks 
could  go  off  on  towers  and  be  happy  with  the 
thought  of  rags  oncut  and  warp  oncolored,  or 
spooled,  or  anything.  But  she  wuzn't  one  of  'em  ; 
she  could  not,  and  would  not,  take  comfort  with 
things  ondone  on  her  mind." 

And  I  sez.  "  If  folks  don't  take  any  comfort  with 
the  memories  of  things  ondone  on  'em,  I  guess  that 
there  wouldn't  be  much  comfort  took,  for,  do  the 
best  we  can  in  this  world,  we  have  to  leave  some- 
things ondone.      We  can't  do  everything." 

"Wall,"  she  said,  "she  should,  never  should,  go 
off  on  towers  till  everything  wuz  done." 

And  agin  I  sez,  "It  is  hard  to  git  everything 
done,  and  if  folks  waited  for  them  circumstances,  I 
guess  there  wouldn't  be  many  towers  gone  off 
on." 


160  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

But  she  didn't  give  in,  nor  I  nuther.  But  jest 
then  Miss  Bobbet  spoke  up,  and  said,  "She  laid  out 
to  go  to  the  World's  Fair — she  wouldn't  miss  it  for 
anything;  it  wuz  the  oppurtunitv  of  a  lifetime  for 
education  and  pleasure ;  hut  she  wuz  a-goin'  to 
finish  that  borrow-and-lend  bedquilt  of  hern  before 
she  started  a  step.  And  then  the  woodwork  had 
got  to  be  painted  all  over  the  house,  and  he  was  so 
busy  with  his  spring's  work  that  she  had  got  to  do  it 
herself." 

And  I  sez,  "  Couldn't  you  let  those  things  be  till 
you  come  back  ?" 

And  she  said,  "  She  couldn't,  for  she  mistrusted 
she  would  be  all  beat  out,  and  wouldn't  feel  like  it 
when  she  got  back  ;  paintin'  wuz  hard  work,  and  so 
wuz  piecin'  up." 

And  I  sez,  "  Then  you  had  ruther  go  there  all 
tired  out,  had  you  ?"  sez  I.  "  Seems  to  me  I  had 
ruther  go  to  the  World's  Fair  fresh  and  strong,  and 
ready  to  learn  and  enjoy,  even  if  I  let  my  borrow- 
and-lend  bedquilt  go  till  another  year.  For,"  sez  I, 
"  bedquilts  will  be  protracted  fur  beyend  the  time 
of  seein'  the  World's  Fair — and  I  believe  in  livin' 
up  to  my  priveleges." 

And  she  said,  "  That  she  wouldn't  want  to  put  it 
o  ff,  for  it  had  been  a-layin'  round  for  several  years, 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  IOI 

and  she  felt  that  she  wouldn't  go  away  so  fur  from 
home,  and  leave  it  onfinished." 

And  I  see  that  it  wouldn't  do  any  good  to  argy 
with  her.      Her  mind  wuz  made  up. 

Miss  Pooler  said,  "That  she  wuz  a-goin'  to  the 
Fair,  and  a-goin'  in  good  season,  too.  She  wouldn't 
miss  it  for  anything  in  the  livin'  world.  But  she 
had  got  to  make  a  visit  all  round  to  his  relations 
and  hern  before  she  went.  And,"  sez  she,  a-lookin' 
sort  o'  reproaehful  at  me, 

"  I  should  have  thought  you  would  have  felt  like 
goin'  round  and  payin'  'em  all  a  visit,  on  both  of  your 
sides,  before  you  went,"  sez  she.  "  They  would  have 
felt  better  ;  and  I  feel  like  doin'  everything  I  can  to 
please  the  relations." 

And  I  told  Miss  Pooler — "That  I  never  expected 
to  see  the  day  that  I  hadn't  plenty  of  relations  on 
my  side  and  on  hisen,  but  I  never  expected  to  see 
another  Christopher  Columbus  World's  Fair,  and  I 
had  rut  her  spend  my  time  now  with  Christopher 
than  with  them  on  either  side,  spozin'  they  would 
keep." 

But  Miss  Pooler  said,  "  She  had  always  felt  like 
doin'  all  in  her  power  to  show  respect  to  the  rela- 
tions on  both  sides,  and  make  'cm  happy.  And  she 
felt  that,  in  case  of   anything   happening  she    would 


162  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

feel  better  to  know  she  had  made  'em  all  a  last  visit 
before  it  happened." 

"What  I  am  afraid  will  happen,  Miss  Pooler," 
sez  I,  "is  that  you  won't  git  to  the  World's  Fair  at 
all,  for  they  are  numerous  on  both  sides,  and  wide- 
spread," sez  I.  "  It  will  take  sights  and  sights  of 
time  for  you  to  go  clear  round." 

But  I  see  that  she  wuz  determined  to  have  her 
way,  and  I  didn't  labor  no  more  with  her. 

And  I  might  as  well  tell  it  right  here,  as  any 
time — she  never  got  to  the  World's  Fair  at  all. 
For  while  she  wuz  a-payin'  a  last  visit  previous  to 
her  departure,  she  wuz  took  down  bed-sick  for  three 
weeks.  And  the  Fair  bein'  at  that  time  on  its  last 
leglets,  as  you  may  say,  it  had  took  her  so  long  to 
go  the  rounds — the  Fair  broke  up  before  she  got  up 
agin. 

Miss  Pooler  felt  awful  about  it,  so  they  say  ;  it 
wuz  such  a  dretful  disapintment  to  her  that  they 
had  to  watch  her  for  some  time,  she  wuz  that  mel- 
ancholy about  it,  and  depressted,  that  they  didn't 
know  what  she  would  be  led  to  do  to  herself. 

And  besides  her  own  affliction  about  the  Fair, 
and  the  trouble  she  gin  her  own  folks  a-watchin'  her 
for  months  afterwards,  she  got  'em  mad  at  her  on 
both  sides.      Seven  different   wimmen  she    kep    to 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  1 63 

home,  jest  as  they  wuz  a-startin'  for  the  Fair,  and 
belated  'em. 

Eleven  of  the  relations  on  her  side  and  on  hisen 
hain't  spoke  to  her  senee.  And  the  family  where 
she  wuz  took  sick  on  their  hands  talked  hard  of 
suin'  her  for  damage.  For  they  wuz  real  smart 
folks,  and  had  been  makin'  their  calculations  for 
over  three  years  to  go  to  the  Fair,  and  had  lotted 
on  it  day  and  night,  and  through  her  sickness  they 
wuz  kep  to  home,  and  didn't  go  to  it  at  all. 

But  to  resoom. 

Jest  as  I  turned  round  from  Miss  Pooler,  I  see 
Miss  Solomon  Stebbins  and  Arvilly  Lanfear  come 
in  the  depot. 

Arvilly  come  to  bid  me  good-bye,  and  Miss 
Stebbins  wuz  with  her,  and  so  she  come  in  too. 

Arvilly  said,  "  That  she  should  be  in  Chicago  to 
that  World's  Fair,  if  her  life  wuz  spared."  She 
said,  "That  she  wouldn't  miss  bein'  in  the  place 
where  wimmen  wuz  made  sunthin'  of,  and  had 
sunthin'  to  say  for  themselves,  not  for  ontolcl 
wealth." 

She  said,  "  That  she  jest  hankered  after  seein'  one 
woman  made  out  of  pure  silver — and  then  that 
other  woman  sixty-five  feet  tall  ;  she  said  it  would 
do   her  soul  good  to   see  men   look   up   to  her,  and 


164 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


they  have  got  to  look  up  to  hei  if  they  see  her  at 
all,  for  she  said  that  it  stood  to  reason  that  there 
wuzn't  goin'  to  be  men  there  sixty-five  feet  high. 

"  And  then  that  temple  there  in  Chicago,  dreamed 
out  and  built  by  a  woman — the  nicest  office  buildin' 
in  the  world  !  jest  think  of  that — in  the  JJ'or/d. 
And  a  woman  to  the  bottom  of  it,  and  to  the  top 
too.  Why,"  sez  Arville,  "  I  wouldn't 
miss  the  chance  of  seein'  wimmen 
swing  right  out,  and  act  as  if  their 
souls  wuz  their  own,  not  for  the  mines 
of  Golconda."  Sez  she,  "  More  than 
a  dozen  wimmen  have  told  me  this 
week  they  wanted  to  go,  but  they 
wuzn't  able.  But  I  sez  to  'em,  I'm 
able  to  go,  and  I'm  a-goin'— I  am  go- 
in'  afoot." 

you    hain't  a-goin'   to 


Why,  Arvilly 


"  Why,  Arvilly,"   sez    I, 
Chicago  a-walkin'  afoot  !" 

"  Yes,  I  be  a-goin'  to  Chicago  a-walkin'  afoot,  and 
I   am  goin'  to  start  next  Monday  morn  in'." 

"  Why'ee  !"  sez  I,  "you  mustn't  do  it  ;  you  must 
let  me  lend  you  some  money." 

"  No,  mom  ;  much  obliged  jest  the  same,  but  I  am 
a-goin'  to  canvass  my  way  there.  I  am  goin'  to  sell 
the  'Wild,   Wicked,  and  Warlike  Deeds  of  Man.' 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FA11 


I65 


I  calculate  to  make  money  enough  to  get  me 
there  and  ride  some  of  the  way,  and  take  care  of 
me  while  I  am  there  ;  I  may  tackle  some  other  book 
or  article  to  sell.  But  I  am  goin'  to  branch  out  on 
that,  and  I  am  goin'  to  have  a  good  time,  too." 


'*  NO,    MOM  ;    MUCH    OBLIGED   JEST   THE    SAME." 


Miss  Stebbins  said,  "  She  wanted  to  go,  and  calcu- 
lated to,  but  she  wanted  to  finish  that  croshay  lap- 
robe  before  snow  fell." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "snow  hain't  a-goin'  to  fall  very 
soon  now,  early  in  the  Spring  so." 


1 66  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"Wall,"  she  said,  "that  it  wuz  such  tryin'  work 
for  the  eyes,  she  wouldn't  leave  it  for  nothin'  till  she 
got  back,  for  she  mistrusted  that  she  should  feel 
kind  o'  mauger  and  wore  out.  And  then,"  she 
said,  "  she  had  got  to  make  a  dozen  line  shirts  for 
Solomon,  so's  to  leave  him  comfortable  while  she 
wuz  gone,  and  the  children  three  suits  apiece  all 
round." 

Sez   I,  "How  long  do  you  lay  out  to  be  gone?" 

"About  two  weeks,"  she  said. 

And  I  told  her,  "That  it  didn't  seem  as  if  he 
would  need  so  many  shirts  for  so  short  a  time." 

But  she  said,  "  She  should  feel  more  relieved  to 
have  'em  done." 

So  I  wouldn't  say  no  more  to  break  it  up.  For 
it  is  fur  from  me  to  want  to  diminish  any  female's 
relief. 

And  the  cars  tooted  jest  then,  so  I  didn't  have  no 
more  time  to  multiply  words  with  her  anyway. 


CHAPTER   VIII. 

We  were  travellin'  in  a  car  they  call  a  parlor, 
though  it  didn't  look  no  more  like  our  parlor  than 
ours  does  like  a  steeple  on  a  wind-mill.  But  it  wuz 
dretful  nice  and  comogeous. 

We  five  occupied  seats  all  together,  and  right 
next  to  us,  acrost  the  aisle,  wuz  two  men  a-ar- 
guin'  on  the  Injun  question.  I  didn't  know'  em, 
but  I  see  that  Thomas  J.  and  Krit  wuz  some 
acquainted  with  'em  ;  they  wuz  business  men. 

When  I  first  begun  to  hear  'em  talk  (they  talked 
loud — we  couldn't  help  hearin'  'em),  they  seemed  to 
be  kinder  iaughin',  and  one  of  'em  said  : 

"Yes,  they  denied  the  right  of  suffrage  to 
wimmen  and  give  it  to  the  Injuns,  and  the  next 
week  the  Injuns  started  off  on  the  war-path. 
Whether  they  did  it  through  independence  or 
through  triumph  nobody  knows,  but  it  is  known 
that  they  went," 

And  I  thought  to  myself,  "  Mebby  they  wuz  mad 
to  think  that  the  Goverment  denied  to  intelligent 
Christian     wimmen     the     rights   gin    to     savages." 


1 68 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


Thinks'es  I,  "  It  is  enough  to  make  a  Injun  mad,  or 
anything  else." 

But  I  didn't  speak  my  mind  out  loud,  and  they 
begun  to  talk  earnest  and  excited  about  'em,  and  I 
could  see  as  they  went  on  that   they  felt  jest  alike 


"  They  denied  the  right  of  suffrage  to  wimmen  and  give  it  to 

the  Injuns." 

towards  the  Injuns,  and  wanted  'em  wiped  off'en 
the  face  of  the  earth  ;  but  they  disagreed  some  as  to 
the  ways  they  wranted  'em  wiped.  One  of  'em 
wanted  'em  shot  right  down  to  once,  and  extermi- 
nated jest  as  you  kill  potato-bugs. 

The  other  wanted  'em  drove  further  off  and  shet 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  169 

up  tighter  till  they  died  out  of  themselves  ;  but  they 
wuz  both  agreed  in  bein'  horrified  and  disgusted  at 
the  Injuns  darin'  to  fight  the  whites. 

And  first  I  knew  Krit  jest  waded  right  into  the 
talk.  He  waded  polite,  but  he  waded  deep  right 
off  the  first  thing. 

And,  sez  he,  "  Before  they  all  die  I  hope  they 
will  sharpen  up  their  tommyhawks  and  march  on  to 
Washington,  and  have  a  war-dance  before  the 
Capitol,  and  take  a  few  scalps  there  amongst  the 
law-makers  and  the  Injun  bureau." 

He  got  kinder  lost  and  excited  by  his  feelin's, 
Krit  did,  or  he  wouldn't  have  said  anything  about 
scalpin'  a  bureau.  Good  land !  he  might  talk 
about  smashin'  its  draws  up,  but  nobody  ever  hearn 
of  scalpin'  a  bureau  or  a  table. 

But  he  went  on  dretful  smart,  and,  sez  he, 
"  Gentlemen,  I  have  lived  right  out  there  amongst 
the  Injuns  and  the  rascally  agents,  and  I  know 
what  I  am  talkin'  about  when  I  say  that,  instead 
of  wonderin'  about  the  Injuns  risin'  up  aginst  the 
whites,  as  they  do  sometimes,  the  wonder  is  that 
they  don't  try  to  kill  every  white  man  they  see. 

"When  I  think  of  the  brutality,  the  cheatin',  the 
cruelty,  the  devilishness  of  the  agents,  it  is  a  wonder 
to  me  that  they  let  one  stick  remain  on  another  at 


1/2  SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

there  again,  never  see  a  sun  rise  or  a  sun  set  over 
the  dear  old  fields,  and  mountains,  and  river,  you 
loved  so  well — 

"  Never  have  the  chance  to  stand  by  the  graves  of 
your  fathers,  and  your  children,  that  were  a-sleepin' 
under  the  beautiful  old  trees  that  your  grandfathers 
had  set  out — 

"  Never  see  the  dear  old  grounds  they  walked 
through,  the  old  rooms  full  of  the  memories  of 
their  love,  their  joys,  and  their  sorrows,  and  your 
loves,  and  hopes,  and  joys,  and  sadness  ? 

"  What  should  you  do  if  some  one  strong  enough, 
but  without  a  shadow  of  justice  or  reason,  should 
order  you  out  of  it  at  once — force  you  to  go  ?" 

"  I  should  try  to  kill  him,"  sez  the  man  promptly, 
before  he  had  time  to  think  what  to  say. 

"Well,"  sez  Krit,  "that  is  what  the  Injuns  try 
to  do,  and  the  world  is  horrified  at  it.  Their  homes 
are  jest  as  dear  to  them  as  ours  are  to  us  ;  their 
love  for  their  own  living  and  dead  is  jest  as  strong. 
Their  grief  and  sense  of  wrong  and  outrage  is  even 
stronger  than  the  white  man's  would  be,  for  they 
don't  have  the  distractions  of  civilized  life  to  take 
up  their  attention.  They  brood  over  their  wrongs 
through  long  days  and  nights,  unsolaced  by  daily 
papers  and  latest  telegraphic  news,  and  their  fam- 


SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  173 

ished,  freezin'  bodies  addin'  their  terrible  pangs  to 
their  soul's  distress. 

"  Is  it  any  wonder  that  after  broodin'  over  their 
wrongs  through  long  days  and  nights,  half  starved, 
half  naked,  their  dear  old  homes  gone — shut  up 
here  in  the  rocky,  hateful  waste,  that  they  must  call 
home,  and  probably  their  wives  and  daughters  sto- 
len from  them  by  these  agents  that  are  fat  and 
warm,  and  gettin'  rich  on  the  food  and  clothing 
that  should  be  theirs,  and  receivin'  nothing  but  in- 
sults and  threats  if  they  ask  for  justice,  and  finally 
a  bullet,  if  their  demands  for  justice  are  too  loud— 

"  What  wonder  is  it  that  they  lift  their  empty 
hands  for  vengeance — that  they  leave  their  bare,  icy 
huts,  and  warm  their  frozen  veins  with  ghost-dances, 
haply  practisin'  them  before  they  go  to  be  ghosts 
in  reality  ?  What  wonder  that  they  sharpen  up  their 
ancestral  tomahawk,  and  lift  it  against  their  oppres- 
sors ?  What  wonder  that  the  smothered  fires  do 
break  out  into  sudden  fiery  tempests  of  destruction 
that  appall  the  world  ? 

"  You  say  you  would  do  the  same,  after  your  gen- 
erations of  culture  and  Christian  teaching,  and  so 
would  I,  and  every  other  man.  We  would  if  wre 
could  destroy  the  destroyers  who  ravage  and  plun- 
der  our   homes,    deprive    us   of    the   earnings    of  a 


174  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

lifetime,  turn  us  out  of  our  inheritance,  and  make 
of  our  wives  and  daughters  worse  than  slaves. 

"  We  meet  every  year  to  honor  the  memory  of  the 
old  heroes  who  rebelled  and  fought  for  liberty — 
shed  rivers  of  blood  to  escape  from  far  less  intoler- 
able oppression  and  wrongs  than  the  Injuns  have 
endured  for  years. 

"  And  then  we  expect  them,  with  no  culture  and 
no  Christianity,  to  practise  Christian  virtues,  and 
endure  bufferings  that  no  Christian  would  endure. 

"The  whole  Injun  question  is  a  satire  on  true 
Goverment,  a  lie  in  the  name  of  liberty  and  equal- 
ity, a  shame  on  our  civilization." 

"  What  would  you  do  about  it  ?"  said  the  kinder 
good-lookin'  man. 

Sez  Krit,  "  If  I  called  the  Injuns  wards,  adopted 
children  of  the  Goverment,  I  would  try  not 
to  use  them  in  a  way  that  would  disgrace  any 
drunken  old  stepmother. 

"  I  would  have  dignity  enough,  if  I  did  not  stand 
for  decency,  to  not  half  starve  and  freeze  them,  and 
lie  to  them,  and  cheat  them  till  the  very  word 
'  Goverment '  means  to  them  all  they  can  picture 
of  meanness  and  brutality.  I  would  either  grant 
them  independence,  or  a  few  of  the  comforts  I  had 
stolen  from  them. 


2     P 


8   I 


/ 


176  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"  If  I  drove  them  out  of  their  rich  lands  and  well- 
stocked  hunting-grounds  they  had  so  long  con- 
sidered their  own — if  I  drove  them  out  in  my 
cupidity  and  love  of  conquest,  I  would  in  return 
grant  them  enough  of  the  fruits  of  their  old  homes 
to  keep  up  life  in  their  unhappy  bodies. 

"If  I  made  them  suffer  the  pains  of  exile,  I 
would  not  let  them  endure  also  the  gnawings  of 
starvation. 

"And  I  would  not  send  out  to  'em  the  Bible 
and  whiskey  packed  in  one  wagon,  appeals  to 
Christian  living  and  the  sure  means  to  overthrow  it. 

"  I  would  not  send  'cm  religious  tracts,  implorin' 
'em  to  come  to  Christ's  kingdom,  packed  in  the 
same  hamper  with  kegs  of  brandy,  which  the  Bible 
and  the  tracts  teach  that  those  that  use  it  are 
cursed,  and  that  no  drunkard  can  inherit  the  king- 
dom." 

But,  sez  Krit,  "The  Bible  they  should  have. 
And  after  they  had  mastered  its  simplest  teachings, 
they  should  don  their  war-paint  and  feathers,  and 
go  out  with  it  in  their  hands  as  missionaries  to  the 
white  race,  to  try  to  teach  them  its  plainest  and 
simplest  doctrines,  of  justice,  and  mercy,  and  love." 

But  at  this  very  minute  the  cars  tooted,  and  the 
two  men  seized  their  satchels,  and  after  a  sort  of  a 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  IJj 

short  bow  to   Krit  and   the  rest  of  us,  they  rushed 
offen  the  train. 

I    believe  they  wuz   conscience-smut,  but  I  don't 
know. 


I    BELIEVK    THEY    WUZ    CONSCIENCE-SMUT,    BUT    I    DON'T    KNOW. 


When  we  arrove  at  the  big  depot  at  Chicago, 
the  sun  wuz  jest  a-drawin'  up  his  curtains  of  gorge- 
ous red,  and  veller,  and  crimson,  and  wuz  a-retirin' 
behind  'em  to  git  a  little  needed  rest. 


I7<S  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

The  glorious  counterpane  wuz  kinder  heaped  up 
in  billowy  richness  on  his  western  couch,  but  what 
I  took  to  be  the  undersheet — a  clear  long  fold  of 
shinin'  gold  color — lay  straight  and  smooth  on  the 
bottom  of  the  gorgeous  bed. 

And  the  sun's  face  wuz  just  a-lookin'  out  above 
it,  as  if  to  say  good-bye  to  Chicago,  and  trouble,  and 
the  World's  Fair,  and  Josiah  and  me,  as  we  sot  our 
feet  on  terry  finny.  (That  is  Latin  that  I  have  hearn 
Thomas  J.  use.  Nobody  need  to  be  afraid  of  it  ;  it 
is  harmless.  My  boy  wouldn't  use  a  dangerous 
word.) 

But  to  resoom  and  go  on.  As  I  ketched  the  last 
glimpse  of  the  old  familicr  face  of  the  sun,  that  I  had 
seen  so  many  times  a-lookin'  friendly  at  me  through 
the  maple  trees  at  Jonesville,  and  that  truly  had 
seemed  to  be  a  neighbor,  a-neighborin'  with  me, 
time  and  agin — -when  I  see  him  so  peaceful  and 
good-natured  a-goin'  to  his  nightly  rest,  I  thought 
to  myself — 

Oh  !  how  1  wish  1  could  foller  his  example,  for  it 
duz  seem  to  me  that  nowhere  else,  unless  it  wuz  at 
the  tower  of  Babel,  wuz  there  ever  so  much  noise, 
and  of  such  various  and  conflicting  kinds. 

Instinctively  I  ketched  holt  of  my  pardner's  arm, 
and  sez  I,    "  Stay   by  me,  Josiah  Allen  ;  if  madness 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  1 79 

and  ruin  result  from  this  Pandemonium,  be  with 
me  to  the  last." 

He  couldn't  hear  a  word  I  said,  the  noise  wuz 
that  deafnin'  and  tremendious.  But  he  read  the 
silent,  tender  language  of  the  brown  cotton  glove 
on  his  arm,  and  he  cast  a  look  of  deep  affection  on 
me,  and  sez  he  in  soul  full  axents — 

"  Hurry  up,  can't  you  ?  Wimmen  are  always  so 
slow  !" 

I  responded  in  the  same  earnest,  heart-felt  way. 
And  anon,  or  perhaps  a  little  before,  Thomas  J.  and 
Krit  hurried  us  and  our  satchel  bags  into  a  big 
roomy  carriage,  and  we  soon  found  ourselves 
a-wendin'  our  way  through  the  streets  of  the  great 
Western  city,  the  metropolis  of  the  Settin'  Sun. 

Street  after  street,  mild  after  mild  of  high,  tower- 
in'  buildin's  did  we  pass.  Some  on  'em  I  know  wuz 
high  enough  for  the  tower  of  Babel --and  old 
Babel  himself  would  have  admitted  it,  I  bet,  if  he 
had  been  there. 

And  as  the  immense  size  and  magnitude  of  the 
city  come  over  me  like  a  wave,  I  thought  to  myself 
some  in  Skripter  and  some  in  common  readin'. 

When  I  thought  that  fifty  years  ago  the  grassy 
prairie  lay  stretched  out  in  green  repose  where  now 
wuz  the  hard  pavements  worn  with  the  world's  com- 


I  SO  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

merce ;  when  I  thought  that  little  prairie-dogs,  and 
mush-rats,  and  squirells  wuz  a-runnin'  along  ondis- 
turbed  where  now  stood  high  blocks  full  of  a  busy 
city's  enterprise ;  when  I  thought  that  little  pretty, 
timid  birds  wuz  a-flyin'  about  where  now  wuz  stee- 
ples and  high  chimblys — why,  when  I  thought  of  all 
this  in  common  readin',  then  the  Skripter  come  in, 
and  I  sez  to  myself  in  deep,  solemn  axents — - 

"Who  hath  brought  this  thing  to  pass?" 

And  then  anon  I  went  to  thinkin'  in  common 
readin'  agin,  and  thinks'es  I — ■ 

A  little  feeble  woman  died  a  few  days  ago — not 
so  very  old  either — who  wuz  the  first  child  born  in 
Chicago — and  I  thought — ■ 

What  a  big,  big  day's  work  wuz  done  under  her 
eye-sight !  What  a  immense  house-warmin'  she- 
would  had  to  had  in  order  to  warm  up  all  the  housen 
built  under  her  eye  ! 

Millions  of  folks  did  she  see  move  into  her 
neighborhood. 

And  what  a  party  would  she  had  to  gin  to  have 
took  all  her  neighbors  in  !  What  a  immense 
amount  of  nut-cakes  would  she  have  had  to  fry,  and 
cookies  ! 

Why,  countin'  two  nut-cakes  to  a  person — and 
that  is  a  small  estimate  for  a  healthy  man  to  eat, 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  iSl 

judgin'  by  my  own  pardner — she  would  have  had  to 
fry  millions  of  nut-cakes.  And  millions  of  cookies, 
if  they  wuz  made  after  Mother's  receipt  handed 
down  to  me  ;  that  wouldn't  have  been  one  too  many. 

And  where  could  she  spread  out  her  dough 
for  her  cookies — why,  a  prairie  wouldn't  have  been 
too  big  for  her  mouldin'  board.  And  the  biggest 
Geyser  in  the  West,  old  Faithful  himself,  wouldn't 
have  been  too  big  to  fry  the  cakes  in,  if  you  could 
fry  'em  in  water,  which  you  can't. 

But  mebby  if  she  had  gin  the  party,  she  could 
have  used  that  old  spoutin'  Geyser  for  a  teapot  or  a 
soda  fountain — if  she  laid  out  to  treat  'em  to  any- 
thing to  drink. 

But  good  land  !  there  is  no  use  in  talkin',  if  she  had 
used  a  volcano  to  steep  her  tea  over,  she  couldn't 
made  enough  to  go  round. 


CHAPTER   IX. 

Walt,,  after  a  numerous  number  of  emotions  we 
at  last  reached  our  destination  and  stoppin'-place. 
And  I  gin  a  deep  sithe  of  relief  as  the  wheel  of  the 
carriage  grated  on  the  curb-stun,  in  front  of  the 
boardin'  house  where  my  Josiah  and  me  laid  out  to 
git  our  two  boards. 

Thomas  J.  and  Krit  wanted  to  go  to  one  of  the 
big  hotels.  I  spozed,  from  their  talk,  it  wuz  reason- 
able, and  wuz  better  for  their  business,  that  they 
should  be  out  amongst  business  men. 

But  Josiah  and  I  didn't  want  to  go  to  any  such 
place.  We  had  our  place  all  picked  out,  and  had 
had  for  some  time,  ever  sence  we  had  commenced 
to  git  ready  for  the  World's   Fair. 

We  had  laid  out  to  git  our  two  boards  at  a  good 
quiet  place  recommended  by  our  own  Methodist 
Episcopal  Pasture,  and  a  distant  relation  of  his  own. 

It  wuz  to  Miss  Ebenezer  Plank'ses,  who  took  in 
a  few  boarders,  bein'  middlin'  well  off,  and  havin'  a 
very  nice  house  to  start  with,  but  wanted  to  add  a 
little  to  her  income,  so  she  took  in  a  few  and  done 
well  by  'em,  so  our  pasture  said,  and  so  We  found 
out. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR.  1 83 

It  wuz  a  splendid-lookin'  house  a-standin'  a-frontin' 
a  park,  where  anybody  eould  git  a  glimpse  of  green 
trees  and  a  breath  of  fresh  air,  and  as  much  quiet 
and  rest  as  could  be  found  in  Chicago  durin'  the 
summer  of  1893,  so  I  believed. 

Thomas  J.  and  Maggie  wuz  perfectly  suited  with 
the  place  for  us — and  Thomas  J.  parleyed  with  Miss 
Plank  about  our  room,  etc. — and  we  wuz  all  satis- 
fied with  the  result. 

And  after  Josiah  and  me  got  settled  down  in  our 
room,  a  good-lookin'  one,  though  small,  the  children 
sot  off  for  their  hotel,  which  wuzn't  so  very  fur 
from  ourn,  nigh  enough  so  that  they  could  be  sent 
for  easy,  if  we  wuz  took  down  sudden,  and  visey 
versey. 

I  found  Miss  Plank  wuz  a  good-appearin'  woman, 
and  a  Christian,  I  believe,  with  good  principles,  and 
a  hair  mole  on  her  face,  though  she  kep  'em  curbed 
down,  and  cut  off  (the  hairs). 

Her  husband  had  been  a  man  of  wealth,  as  you 
could  see  plain  by  the  house  that  he  left  her  a-livin' 
in.  But  some  of  her  property  she  had  lost  through 
poor  investments — and  don't  it  beat  all  how  wiramen 
do  git  cheated,  and  every  single  man  she  deals  with 
a-tellin'  her  to  confide  in  him  freely,  for  he  hain't 
but  one  idee,  and  that  is  to  look  out   for  her  inter- 


1 84 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 


ests,  to  the  utter  neglect  of  his  own,  and  a-warnin' 

her  aginst  every  other  man  on  earth  but  himself. 
But,    to    resoom.      She    had    lost    some    of   her 

property,  and  bein'  without  children,  and  kind  o' 

lonesome,  and  a  born  housekeeper  and  cook,  her 
idee  of  takin'  in  a  few  respectable 
and  agreeable  boarders  wuz  a  good 
one. 

She  wuz  a  good  calculator,  and  the 
best  maker  of  pancakes  I  ever  see, 
fur  or  near.  She  oversees  her  own 
kitchen,  and  puts  on  her  own  hand 
and  cooks,  jest  when  she  is  a  mind 
too.  She  hain't  afraid  of  the  face 
of  man  or  woman,  though  she  told 
me,  and  I  believe  it,  that  "her  cook 
wuz  that  cross  and  fiery  of  temper, 
that  she  would  skair  any  common 
person  almost  into  coniption  fits." 
"  But,"  sez  she,  "  the  first  teacup 

that  she  throwed  at  me,  because  I  wanted  to  make 

some  pancakes,  wuz  the  last." 

I  don't  know  what  she  done  to  her,  but  presoom 

that  she  held  her  with  her  eye.      It  is  a  firm  and 

glitterin'  one  as  I  ever  see. 

Anyway,  she  put  a  damper  onto  that  cook,  and 


A  good-appeakin'  woman. 


SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  185 

turns  it  jest  when  she  is  a  mind  to — to  the  benefit 
of  her  hoarders ;  for  better  vittles  wuz  never  cooked 
than  Miss  Plank  furnishes  her  boarders  at  moderate 
rates  and  the  comforts  of  a  home,  as  advertisements 
say. 

Her  house  wuz  kep  clean  and  sweet  too,  which 
wuz  indeed  a  boon. 

She  talked  a  sight  about  her  husband,  which  I 
don't  know  as  she  could  help — anyway,  I  guess  she 
didn't  try  to. 

She  told  me  the  first  oppurtunity  what  a  good 
Christian  he  wuz,  how  devoted  to  her,  and  how 
much  property  he  laid  up,  and  that  he  wuz  "  in 
salt." 

I  thought  for  quite  a  spell  she  meant  brine,  and 
dassent  hardly  enquire  into  the  particulars,  not 
knowin'  what  she  had  done  by  the  departed,  wid- 
ders  are  so  queer. 

But  after  she  had  mentioned  to  me  more'n  a 
dozen  times  her  love  for  the  departed,  and  his 
industrious  and  prosperous  ways,  and  tellin'  me 
every  single  time,  "  he  wuz  in  salt,"  I  found  out 
that  she  meant  that  he  wuz  in  the  salt  trade — 
bought  and  sold,  I  spozed. 

T  felt  better. 

But  oh,  how  she  did  love  to  talk  about  that  man  ; 


1 86  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

truly  she  used  his  sirname  to  connect  us  to  the  vast 
past,  and  to  the  mysterious  future.  We  trod  that 
Plank  every  day  and  all  day,  if  we  would  listen  to 
her. 

And  sometimes  when  I  would  try  to  get  her 
offen  that  Plank  for  a  minute,  and  would  bring  up 
the  World's  Fair  to  her,  and  how  big  the  housen 
wuz,  T  would  find  my  efforts  futile  ;  for  all  she 
would  say  about  'em  wuz  to  tell  what  Mr.  Plank 
would  have  done  if  he  had  been  a-livin',  and  if  he 
had  been  onhampered,  and  out  of  salt,  how  much 
better  he  would  have  done  than  the  directors  did, 
and  what  bigger  housen  he  would  have  built. 

And  I  would  say,  "A  house  that  covers  over 
most  forty  acres  is  a  pretty  big  house." 

But  she  seemed  to  think  that  Mr.  Plank  would 
have  built  housen  that  covered  a  few  more  acres, 
and  towered  up  higher,  and  had  loftier  cupalos. 

And  finally  I  got  tired  of  tryin'  to  quell  her 
down,  and  I  got  so  that  I  could  let  her  talk  and 
keep  up  a-thinkin'  on  other  subjects  all  the  time. 
Why,  I  got  so  I  could  have  writ  poetry,  if  that  had 
been  my  aim,  right  under  a  constant  loadin'  and  on- 
loadin'  of  that  Plank. 

Curious,  hain't  it  ? 

As  I  said,  there  wuz  only  a  few  boarders,  most  of 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


I87 


'em  quiet  folks,  who  had  been  there  some  time. 
Some  on  'cm  had  been  there  long  enough  to  have 
children  born  under  the  ruff,  who  had  growed  up 
almost  as  big  as  their  pa's  and  ma's.  There  wuz 
several  of  'em  half  children  there,  and  among  'cm 
wuz  one  of  the  same  age  who  wuz  old — older  than 
I  shall  ever  be,  I  hope  and  pray. 

He  wuz  gloomy  and  morbid,  and  looked  on  life, 
and  us,  with  kinder  mad  and  distrustful  eyes.  Above 
all  others,  he  wuz  mean  to  his  twin  sister  ;  he  looked 
down  on  her  and  browbeat  her  the  worst  kind,  and 
felt  older  than  she  did,  and  acted  as  if  she  wuz  a 
mere  child  compared  to  him,  though  he  wuzn't 
more'n  five  minutes  older  than  she  wuz,  if  he  wuz 
that. 

Their  names  wuz  Algernon  and  Guenivere  Pid- 
dock,  but  they  called  'em  Nony  and  Neny — which 
wuz,  indeed,  a  comfort  to  bystanders.  Folks  ort  to 
be  careful  what  names  they  put 
onto  their  children  ;  yes,  indeed. 

Neny  wuz  a  very  beautiful, 
good-appearin'  young  girl,  and 
acted  as  if  she  would  have  had 
good  sense,  and  considerable  of 
it,  if  she  hadn't  been  afraid  to 
say  her  soul  wuz  her  own. 


He  sot  by  me. 


1 88  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

But  Nony  wuz  cold  and  haughty.  He  sot  right  by 
me  on  the  north  side,  Josiah  Allen  sot  on  my  south. 
And  I  fairly  felt  chilly  on  that  side  sometimes, 
almost  goose  pimples,  that,  young  man  child  felt  so 
cold  and  bitter  towards  the  world  and  us,  and  so 
sort  o'  patronizin'. 

He  didn't  believe  in  religion,  nor  nothin'.  He 
didn't  believe  in  Christopher  Columbus — right  there 
to  the  doin's  held  for  him,  he  didn't  believe  in  him. 

"Why,"  sez  I,  "he  discovered  the  land  we  live 
in." 

He  said,  "  He  was  very  doubtful  whether  that 
wuz  so  or  not — histories  made  so  many  mistakes, 
he  presoomed  there  never  was  such  a  man  at  all." 

"Why,"  sez  I,  "he  walked  the  streets  of  Genoa." 

And  he  sez,  "  I  never  see  him  there." 

And,  of  course,  I  couldn't  dispute  that. 

And  he  added,  "That  anyway  there  wuz  too 
much  a-bein'  done  for  him.  He  wuz  made  too 
much  of." 

He  didn't  believe  in  wimmen,  made  a  specialty 
of  that,  from  Neny  back  to  Rachael  and  Ruth. 
He  powed  at  wimmen's  work,  at  their  efforts,  their 
learnin',  their  advancement. 

Neny,  good  little  bashful  thing,  wuz  a  member 
of  the  W  C  T  U  and  the  Christian   Endeavor,  and 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  1 89 

wanted  to  do  jest  right  by  them  noble  societies  and 
the  world.  But,  oh,  how  light  he  would  speak  of 
them  noble  bands  of  workers  in  the  World's  war- 
fare with  wrong  !  To  how  small  a  space  he  wanted 
to  reduce  'em  down  ! 

And  I  sez  to  him  once,  "  You  can't  do  very  much 
towrards  belittlin'  a  noble  army  of  workers  as  that  is 
— millions  strong." 

"  Millions  weak,  you  mean,"  sez  he.  "  I  dare 
presoom  to  say  there  hain't  a  woman  amongst  'em 
but  what  is  afraid  of  a  mouse,  and  would  run  from 
a  striped  snake." 

Sez  I,  "They  don't  run  from  the  serpent  Evil, 
that  is  wreathin'  round  their  homes  and  loved  ones, 
and  a-tryin'  to  destroy  'em — they  run  towards  that 
serpent,  and  hain't  afraid  to  grapple  with  it,  and 
overthrow  it — by  the  help  of  the  Mighty,"  sez  I. 

Sez  he,  "  There  is  too  much  made  of  their  work." 
Sez  he,  "  There  hain't  near  so  much  done  as  folks 
think  ;  the  most  of  it  is  talk,  and  a-praisin'  each 
other  up." 

"  Wall,"  sez  T,  "men  won't  never  be  killed  for 
that  in  their  political  rivalin's,  thev  won't  be  con- 
demned for  praisin'  each  other  up." 

"  No,"  sez  he,  "  men  know  too  much." 

And    then    I    spoke  of   that    silver  woman — how 


I9O  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

beautiful  and  noble  an  appearance  she  made,  in  the 
spear  she  ort  to  be  in,  a-representin'  Justice. 

And  Nony  said,  "  She  wuz  too  soft."  Sez  he, 
"  It  is  with  her  as  it  is  with  all  other  wimmen — men 
have  to  stand  in  front  of  her  with  guns  to  keep  her 
together,  to  keep  her  solid." 

That  kinder  gaulded  me,  for  there  wuz  some 
truth  in  it,  for  I  had  seen  the  men  and  the  rifles. 

But  I  sprunted  up,  and  sez  I — 

"  They  are  a-guardin'  her  to  keep  men  from  steal- 
in'  her,  that  is  what  they  are  for.  And,"  sez  I,  "  it 
would  be  a  good  thing  for  lots  of  wimmen,  who 
have  got  lots  of  silver,  if  it  hain't  in  their  bodies,  if 
they  had  a  guard  a-walkin'  round  'em  with  rifles  to 
keep  off  maurauders." 

Why,  there  wuzn't  nothin'  brung  up  that  he  be- 
lieved in,  or  that  he  didn't  act  morbid  over. 

Why,  I  believe  his  Ma— good,  decent-lookin'  wid- 
der  with  false  hair  and  a  swelled  neck,  but  well-to- 
do — wuz  ashamed  of  him. 

Right  acrost  from  me  to  the  table  sot  a  fur  differ- 
ent creeter.  It  wuz  a  man  in  the  prime  of  life,  and 
wisdom,  and  culture,  who  did  believe  in  things. 
You  could  tell  that  by  the  first  look  in  his  face — 
handsome— sincere — ardent.  With  light  brown  hair, 
tossed   kinder  careless   back    from    a  broad  white 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR.  191 

forward — deep  blue,  impetuous-lookm  eyes,  but  re- 
strained by  sense  from  goin'  too  fur.  A  silky  mus- 
tache the  same  color  of  his  hair,  and  both  with  a 
considerable  number  of  white  threads  a-shinin'  in 
'em,  jest  enough  so's  you  could  tell  that  old  Time 
hadn't  forgot  him  as  he  went  up  and  down  the  earth 
with  his  hour-glass  under  his  arm,  and  his  scythe 
over  his  shoulder. 

He  had  a  tall,  noble  figger,  always  dressed  jest 
right,  so's  you  would  never  think  of  his  clothes,  but 
always  remember  him  simply  as  bein'  a  gentleman, 
helpful,  courteous,  full  of  good-nature  and  good- 
natured  wit  and  fun.  But  vet  with  a  sort  of  a  sad 
look  underlyin'  the  fun,  some  as  deep  waters  look 
under  the  frothy  sparkle  on  top,  as  if  they  had  se- 
crets they  might  tell  if  they  wuz  a  mind  to — secrets 
of  dark  places  down,  fur  down,  where  the  sun 
doesn't  shine  ;  secrets  of  joy  and  happiness,  and 
hope  that  had  gone  down,  and  wuz  carried  under 
the  depths — under  the  depths  that  we  hadn't  no 
lines  to  fathom. 

No,  if  there  wuz  any  secrets  of  sadness  underly- 
in' the  frank  openness  and  pleasantness  of  them 
clear  blue  eyes,  we  hadn't  none  of  us  no  way  of 
tellin'. 

We   hadn't    no  ways  of   peerin'  down   under  the 


I92  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR. 

clear  blue  depths,  any  further  than  he  wuz  willin'  to 
let  us. 

All  we  knew  wuz,  that  though  he  looked  happy 
and  looked  good-natured,  back  of  it  all,  a-peerin'  out 
sometimes  when  you  didn't  look  for  it,  wuz  a  sun- 
thin'  that  looked  like  the  shadder  cast  from  a  hov- 
erin'  lonesomeness,  and  sorrow,  and  regret. 

But  he  wuz  a  good-lookin'  feller,  there  hain't  a 
doubt  of  that,  and  good  aetin'  and  smart. 

He  wuz  a  bacheldor,  and  we  could  all  see  plain 
that  Miss  Plank  held  his  price  almost  above  rubies. 

If  there  wuz  any  good  bits  among  vittles  that  wuz 
always  good,  it  wuz  Miss  Plank's  desire  that  he 
should  have  them  bits ;  if  there  wuz  drafts  a-comin* 
from  any  pint  of  the  compass,  it  wuz  Miss  Plank's 
desire  to  not  have  him  blowed  on.  If  any  soft 
zephyr's  breath  wuz  wafted  to  any  one  of  us  from 
a  open  winder  on  a  hot  evenin'  or  sunny  noon,  he 
wuz  the  one  she  wanted  wafted  to,  and  breathed  on. 

If  her  smiles  fell  warm  on  any,  or  all  on  us,  he 
wuz  the  one  they  fell  warmest  on.  But  we  all  liked 
him  the  best  that  ever  wuz.  Even  Nony  Piddock 
seemed  to  sort  of  onbend  a  little,  and  moisten  up 
with  the  dew  of  charity  his  arid  desert  of  idees  a 
little  mite,  when  he  wuz  around. 

And   occasionally,    when    the   bacheldor,    whose 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  I93 

name  wuz  Mr.  Freeman,  when  he  would,  half  in  fun 
and  half  in  earnest,  answer  Nony's  weary  and  bitter 
remarks,  onee  in  a  while  even  that  aged  youth  would 
seem  to  be  ashamed  of  himself,  and  his  own  idees. 

There  wuz  another  widder  there — Miss  Boomer  ; 
or  I  shouldn't  call  her  a  clear  widder — I  guess  she 
wuz  a  sort  of  a  semi-detached  one — I  guess  she  had 
parted  with  him. 

Wall,  she  cast  warm  smiles  on  Mr.  Freeman — 
awful  warm,  almost  meltin'. 

Miss  Plank  didn't  like  Miss  Boomer. 

Miss  Piddock  didn't  want  to  cast  no  looks  onto 
nobodv,  nor  make  no  impressions.  She  wuz  a 
mourner  for  Old  Piddock,  that  anybody  could  see 
with  one  eye,  or  hear  with  one  ear — that  is,  if  they 
could  understand  the  secrets  of  sithes ;  they  wuz 
deep  ones  as  I  ever  hearn,  and  I  have  hearn  deep 
ones  in  my  time,  if  anybody  ever  did,  and  breathed 
'em  out  myself — the  land  knows  I  have  ! 

Miss  Plank  loved  Miss  Piddock  like  a  sister ;  she 
said  that  she  felt  drawed  to  her  from  the  first,  and 
the  drawin's  had  gone  on  ever  sence — growin'  more 
stronger  all  the  time. 

Wall,  there  wuz  two  elderly  men,  very  respectable, 
with  two  wives,  one  apiece,  lawful  and  right,  and 
their  children,  and  Miss  Schack  and  her  three  chil- 


194  5AMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 

dren,  and  a  Mr.  Bolster,  and  that  wuz  all  there  wuz 
of  us,  includin'  and  takin'  in  my  pardner  and  myself. 

Mr.  Freeman  wuz  very  rich,  so  Miss  Plank  said, 
and  had  three  or  four  splendid  rooms,  the  best — 
"sweet" — in  the  house,  she  said. 

I  spoze  she  spoke  in  that  way  to  let  us  know  they 
wuz  furnished  sweet — that  is,  I  spoze  so. 

His  mother  had  died  there,  and  he  couldn't  bear 
to  know  that  anybody  else  had  her  rooms  ;  so  he  kep 
'em  all,  and  paid  high  for  'cm,  so  she  said,  and  wuz  as 
much  to  be  depended  on  for  punctuality,  and  hon- 
esty, as  the  Bank  of  England,  or  the  mines  of 
Golcondy. 

Yes,  Miss  Plank  said  that,  with  all  his  sociable, 
pleasant  ways  with  everybody,  he  wuz  a  millionare 
— made  it  in  sugar,  I  believe  she  said — I  know  it 
wuz  sunthin'  good  to  eat,  and  sort  o'  sweet — it  might 
have  been  molasses — I  won't  be  sure. 

But  anyway  he  got  so  awful  rich  by  it  that  he 
could  live  anywhere  he  wuz  a  mind  to — in  a  palace, 
if  he  took  it  into  his  head  to  want  one. 

But  instead  of  branchin'  out  and  makin'  a  great 
show,  he  jest  kep  right  on  a-liviri'  in  the  rooms  he 
had  took  so  long  ago  for  his  family.  But  they  had 
all  gone  and  left  him,  his  mother  dead,  and  his  two 
nieces  gone  with    their  father  to  California,  where 


ppWJjg 


(C^S^VMM? 


Miss  Plank  told  me  in  confidence  that  it  would  be  a  big 

WRENCH    IF   HE   LEFT. 


I96  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

they  wiiz  in  a  convent  school.  And  he  kep  right  on 
a-livin'  in  the  old  rooms. 

Miss  Plank  told  me  in  confidence,  and  on  the 
hair-cloth  sofa  in  the  upper  hall,  that  it  would  be  a 
big  wrench  if  he  ever  left  there. 

She  said,  "  She  didn't  say  it  because  he  wuz  a 
bacheldor  and  she  a  widder,  she  said  it  out  of  pure 
respect." 

And  I  believed  it,  a  good  deal  of  the  time  1  did  ; 
for  good  land  !  she  wuz  old  enough  to  be  his  ma, 
and  more  too. 

But  he  acted  dretful  pretty  to  her,  I  could  see  that. 
Not  findin'  no  fault,  eatin'  hash  jest  as  calm  as  if  he 
wuzn't  engaged  in  a  strange  and  mysterious  busi- 
ness. 

For  great,  great  is  the  mystery  of  boardin'-house 
hash. 

Not  a-mindin'  the  children's  noise  —  indeed, 
a-courtin'  it,  as  you  may  say,  for  he  would  coax  the 
youngest  and  most  troublesome  one  away  from  its 
tired  mother  sometimes,  and  keep  it  by  him  at  the 
table,  and  wait  on  it. 

He  thought  his  eyes  of  children,  so  Miss  Plank 
said. 

I  might  have  thought  that  he  took  care  of  the 
child    on    its  mother's   account,   out  of    sentiment 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  T 97 

instead  of  pity,  if  Miss  Schack  hadn't  been  as 
humbly  as  humbly  could  be,  and  a  big  wart  on  the 
end  of  her  nose,  and  a  cowiiek.  She  had  three 
children,  and  they  wuz  awful,  awful  to  git  along 
with. 

Her  husband  "wuz  on  the  road,"  she  said.  And 
we  couldn't  any  of  us  really  make  out  from  what 
she  said  what  he  wruz  a-doin'  there,  whether  he  wuz 
a-movin'  along  on  it  to  his  work,  or  jest  a-settin' 
there. 

But  anyway  she  talked  a  good  deal  about  his 
"  bein'  on  the  road,"  and  how  much  better  the  chil- 
dren behaved  "  before  he  went  on  it." 

They  jest  rid  over  her,  and  over  us  too,  if  we 
would  let  'em. 

They  wTuz  the  awfullest  children  I  ever  laid  eyes 
on,  for  them  that  had  such  pious  and  well-meanin' 
names. 

There  wuz  John  Wesley,  and  Martin  Luther,  and 
little  Peter  Cooper  Schack. 

Miss  Schack  wuz  a  well-principled  woman,  no 
doubt,  and  I  dare  say  had  high  idees  before  they 
wuz  jarred,  and  hauled  down,  and  stomped  and 
trampled  on,  by  noise  and  confusion.  And  I  dare 
presoom  to  say  that  she  had  named  them  children 
a-hopin'  and  a-expectin'  some  of  the  high  and  relig- 


I98  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS    FAIR. 

ious  qualities  of  their  namesakes  would  strike  in. 
But  to  set  and  hear  Martin  Luther  swear  at  John 
Wesley  wuz  a  sight.  And  to  see  John  Wesley  clench 
his  fists  in  Martin  Luther's  hair  and  kick  him  wuz 
enough  to  horrify  any  beholder.  But  Peter  Cooper 
wuz  the  worst ;  to  see  him  take  everything  away  from 
his  brothers  he  possibly  could,  and  devour  it  himself, 
and  want  everything  himself,  and  be  mad  if  they 
had  anything,  and  steal  from  'em  in  the  most  cold- 
blooded way,  and  act — why,  it  wuz  enough  to  make 
that  blessed  old  philanthropist,  Peter  Cooper,  turn 
over  in  his  grave. 

They  wuz  dretful  troublesome  and  worrisome  to 
the  rest  of  the  boarders,  but  Mr.  Freeman  could 
quell  'em  down  any  time — sometimes  by  lookin' 
at  'em  and  smilin',  and  sometimes  by  lookin'  stern, 
and  sometimes  by  candy  and  oranges. 

I  declare  for't,  as  I  told  Miss  Plank  sometimes,  I 
didn't  know  what  we  would  have  done  durin'  some 
hot  meal  times  if  it  hadn't  been  for  that  blessed 
bacheldor. 

I  said  that  right  out  openly  to  Miss  Plank,  and 
to  everybody  else.  Bein'  married  happy,  I  felt  free 
to  speak  my  mind  about  bacheldors,  or  anything. 
Of  course,  bein'  a  widder,  Miss  Plank  felt  more 
hampered. 

( 


ifc 


200  SAMANTHA    AT   THE   WORLDS    FAIR. 

And  he  wuz  good  to  me  in  other  ways,  besides 
easin'  my  cares  and  nerves  at  the  table. 

His  rooms  wuz  jest  aerost  the  hall  from  ourn, 
and  my  Josiah's  and  my  room  wuz  very  small  ;  it 
wuz  the  best  that  Miss  Plank  eould  do,  so  1  didn't 
complain.  But  it  wuz  very  compressed  and  con- 
lined,  and  extremely  hot. 

When  we  wuz  both  in  there  sometimes  on  sultry 
days,  I  felt  like  compressed  meat,  or  as  I  mistrusted 
that  would  feel,  sort  o'  canned  up,  as  it  were. 

And  one  warm  afternoon,  'most  sundown,  jest 
as  I  opened  my  door  into  the  hall,  to  see  if  I  eould 
git  a  breath  of  fresh  air  to  recooperate  me,  Josiah 
a-pantin'  in  the  rockin'-chair  behind  me,  Mr.  Free- 
man opened  his  door,  and  so  there  we  wuz  a-facin' 
each  other. 

And  bein'  sort  o'  took  by  surprise,  I  made  the 
observation  that  "  I  wuz  jest  about  melted,  and  so 
wuz  my  Josiah,  and  my  room  wuz  like  a  dry  oven 
and  a  tin  can." 

I  wouldn't  have  said  it  if  I  hadn't  been  so  sort  o' 
tlustrated,  and  by  the  side  of  myself. 

And  he  jest  swung  open  his  door  into  a  big  cool 
parlor,  and  I  could  see  beyend  the  doors  open  into 
two  or  three  other  handsome  rooms. 

And,   sez  he,    "  I  wish,  Mrs.  Allen,  that  vou  and 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  201 

your  husband  would  come  in  here  and  see  if  it  isn't 
cooler."  Sez  he,  "  I  feel  rather  lonesome,  and 
would  he  glad  to  have  you  come  in  and  visit  for  a 
spell." 

He  told  me  afterwards  that  it  wuz  the  anniversary 
of  his  mother's  death. 

He  looked  sort  o'  sad,  and  as  if  he  really  wanted 
company.  So  we  thanked  him,  or  I  did,  and  we 
walked  in  and  sot  down  in  some  big,  cool  cane- 
seat  easy-chairs. 

And  we  sot  there  and  visited  back  and  forth  for 
quite  a  spell,  and  took  comfort.  Yes,  indeed,  we 
did.  This  room  wuz  on  the  cool  side  of  the  house, 
and  the  still  side.  And  it  wuz  big  and  furnished 
beautiful.  It  wuzn't  Miss  Plank's  taste,  I  could 
see  that. 

No,  her  taste  is  fervent  and  gorgeous.  Gildin'  is 
her  favorite  embellishment,  and  chromos,  high- 
colored,  and  red. 

This  room  wuz  covered  with  pure  white  mattin', 
and  such  rugs  on  it  scattered  over  the  floor  as 
T  never  see,  and  don't  know  as  I  ever  shall  see  agin. 

Some  on  'em  was  pure  white  silky  fur,  and  some 
on  'em  as  rich  in  colorin'  as  the  most  wonderful 
sunset  colors  you  ever  see  in  the  red  and  golden 
west,  or  in  the  trees  of  a  maple  forest  in  October. 


202 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


And  such  pictures  as  hung  on  the  walls  1  never 
see. 

Why,  on  one  side  of  the  room  hung  a  picture 
that  looked  as  if  you  wuz  a-gazin'  right  out  into  a 
green  field  at  sunset.  There  wuz  a  deep,  cool  rivu- 
let a-gurglin'  along  over  the  pebbles,  and  the  green, 
moist  rushes — why,  you  could  almost  hear  it. 

And  the  blue  sky  above — why,  you  could  almost 
see  right  up  through  it,  it  looked  so  clear  and  trans- 
parent. And  the  cattle 
a-comin'  up  through  the  bars 
to  be  milked.  Why,  you 
could  almost  hear  the  girl 
call,  "  Co,  boss  !  co,  boss  !" 
as  she  stood  by  the  side  of 
the  bars  with  her  sun-bunnet 
a-hangin'  back  from  her 
pretty  face,  and  her  milk-pail 
on  her  arm. 

Why,  you  could  fairly 
hear  the  swash,  swash  of  the 
water,  as  the  old  brindle  cow 
plashed  through  its  cool 
waves. 
It  beat  all  I  ever  see,  and  Josiah  felt  jest  as  I 
did.      The  beautiful  face  of   the  girl   looked   dretful 


Co,  BOSS  !    CO,    BOSS  !" 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  203 

familiar  to  me,  though  I  couldn't  tell  for  my  life 
who  it  wuz  that  she  looked  so  much  like. 

And  there  on  every  side  of  us  wuz  jest  as  pretty 
pictures  as  that,  and  some  white  marble  figures,  that 
stood  up  almost  as  big  as  life  on  their  marble 
pedestals,  and  aginst  the  dark  red  draperies. 

Why,  take  it  all  in  all,  it  was  the  prettiest  room  I 
had  ever  looked  at  in  my  life,  and  so  I  told  Mr. 
Freeman. 

And,  if  you'll  believe  it,  that  man  up  and  said 
right  there  that  we  wuz  perfectly  free  to  use  that 
room  jest  as  much  as  we  wanted  to. 

lie  said  he  had  another  room  as  large  as  this  that 
he  staid  in  most  of  his  time  when  he  was  at  home 
- — his  writin'-desk  wuz  in  that  room.  But  he  wTas 
not  here  much  of  the  time,  only  to  sleep  and  to  his 
meals. 

And  as  he  said  this,  what  should  that  almost 
angel  man  do  but  to  put  a  key  in  my  hand,  so 
Josiah  and  I  could  come  in  any  time,  whether  he 
wuz  here  or  not. 

Why,  I  wuz  fairly  dumbfoundcred,  and  so  wuz 
Josiah.  But  we  thanked  him  warm,  very  warm, 
warmer  than  the  weather,  and  that  stood  more'n 
ninety  in  the  shade. 

And  I  told  him — for  I  see   that   he  really  meant 


204  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

what  he  said — I  told  him  that  the  chance  of  comin' 
in  there  and  settin'  down  in  that  cool,  big  room, 
once  in  a  while,  as  a  change  from  our  dry  oven, 
would  be  a  boon.  And  I  didn't  know  but  it  would 
be  the  means  of  savin'  our  two  lives,  for  meltin'  did 
seem  to  be  our  doom  and  our  state  ahead  on  us, 
time  and  time  agin. 

And  he  spoke  right  up  in  his  pleasant,  sincere 
way,  and  said,  "  The  more  wre  used  it  the  more  it 
would  please  him." 

And  then  he  opened  the  doors  of  a  big  bookcase 
■ — all  carved  off  the  doors  wuz,  and  the  top,  and  the 
beautiful  head  of  a  white  marble  female  a-standin' 
up  above  it.     And  he  sez — 

"  Here  are  a  good  many  books  that  are  fairly 
lonesome  waiting  to  be  read,  and  you  are  more  than 
welcome  to  read  them." 

Wall,  I  thanked  him  agin,  and  I  told  him  that  he 
wuz  too  good  to  us.  And  I  couldn't  settle  it  in  my 
own  mind  what  made  him  act  so.  Of  course,  not 
knowin'  at  that  time  that  I  favored  his  mother  in  my 
looks — his  mother  he  had  worshipped  so  that  he 
kep  her  room  jest  as  she  left  it,  and  wouldn't  have 
a  thing  changed. 

But  I  didn't  know  that,  as  I  say,  and  I  said  to 
mv  Josiah,  after  wc  went  back  into  our  room — 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  205 

Sez  I,  "  It  must  be  that  we  do  have  a  good  look 
to  us,  Josiah  Allen,  or  else  that  perfect  stranger 
wouldn't  treat  us  as  he  has." 

"  Perfect  stranger  !"  sez  Josiah.  "  Why,  we  have 
neighbored  with  him  'most  a  week.  But,"  sez  he, 
"  you  are  right  about  our  looks — we  are  dum  good- 
lookin',  both  on  us.  I  am  pretty  lookin',"  says  he, 
firmly,  "  though  you  hain't  willin'  to  own  up  to  it." 

Sez  he,  "I  dare  presoom  to  say,  he  thought  I 
wrould  be  a  sort  of  a  ornament  to  his  rooms — kinder 
set  'em  off.  And  you  look  respectable,"  sez  he, 
sort  o'  lookin'  down  on  me — 

"  Only  you  are  too  fat  !"  Sez  he,  "  You'd  be 
quite  good-lookin'  if  it  wuzn't  for  that." 

And  then  we  had  some  words. 

And  I  sez,  "  It  hain't  none  of  our  merits  that  an- 
gel looks  at ;  it  is  his  own  goodness." 

"  Wall,  there  hain't  no  use  in  your  callin'  him  an 
angel.     You  never  called  me  so." 

"  No,  indeed  !"  sez  I  ;  "  I  never  had  no  occasion, 
not  at  all." 

And  then  we  had  some  more  words — not  many, 
but  jest  a  few.  We  worship  each  other,  and  it  is 
known  to  be  so,  all  over  Jonesville,  and  Loontown, 
and  Zoar.  And  I  spozed  by  that  time  that  Chicago 
wuz  a-beginnin'  to   wake  up  to  the  truth  of  how 


206  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

much  store  we  sot  by  each  other.  But  the  fairest 
spring  day  is  liable  to  have  its  little  spirts  of  rain, 
and  they  only  make  the  air  sweeter  and  more  re- 
freshin'. 

Wall,  from  that  time,  every  now  and  then — not 
enough  to  abuse  his  horsepitality,  but  enough  to  let 
him  know  that  we  appreciated  his  goodness — when 
our  dry  oven  become  heated  up  beyend  what  we 
could  seem  to  bear,  we  went  into  that  cool,  delight- 
ful room  agin,  and  agin  I  feasted  my  eyes  on  the 
lovely  pictures  on  the  wall  ;  most  of  all  on  that 
beautiful  sunset  scene  down  by  the  laughin'  stream. 

And  as  hot  and  beat  out  as  I  might  be,  I  would 
always  find  that  pretty  girl  a-standin',  cool  and  fresh, 
and  dretful  pretty,  by  the  old  bar  post,  with  her  or- 
burn  hair  pushed  back  from  her  Hushed  cheeks,  and 
a  look  in  her  dee})  brown  eyes,  and  on  her  exquisite 
lips,  that  always  put  me  dretfully  in  mind  of  some- 
body, and  who  it  wuz  I  could  not  for  my  life  tell. 

Josiah  used  to  take  a  book  out  of  the  bookcase, 
and  read.  Not  one  glance  did  I  ever  give,  or  did  I 
ever  let  Josiah  Allen  give  to  them  other  rooms  that 
opened  out  of  this,  nor  into  anything  or  anywhere, 
only  jest  that  bookcase.  We  didn't  abuse  our 
priveleges  ;   no,  indeed! 

And  Josiah  would    lean    back   dretful  well-feelin', 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  20/ 

and  thinkin'  in  his  heart  that  it  wuz  his  good  looks 
that  wuz  wanted  to  embellish  the  room,  and  I  kep 
on  a  wonderin'  inside  of  myself  what  made  Mr. 
Freeman  so  oncommon  good  to  us,  till  one  day  he 
told  us  sunthin'  that  made  it  plainer  to  us,  and  Jo- 
siah  Allen's  pride  had  a  fall  (which,  if  his  pride 
hadn't  been  composed  of  materials  more  indestruct- 
ible than  iron  or  gutty  perchy,  it  would  have  been 
broke  to  pieces  long  before,  so  many  times  and  so 
fur  had  it  fell). 

But  Mr.  Freeman  one  day  showed  us  a  picture  of 
his  mother  in  a  little  velvet  case.  And,  sez  he  to 
me — 

"  You  look  like  her ;  I  saw  it  the  first  time  I 
met  you." 

And  I  do  declare  the  picture  did  look  like  me, 
only  mebby — mebby  I  say,  shewuzn't  quite  so  good- 
lookin'. 

Yes,  I  did  look  like  his  mother.  And  then  I  see 
the  secret  of  his  interest  in,  and  his  kindness  to  me 
and  mine. 

And  Mr.  Freeman  wuz  raised  up  in  my  mind  as 
many  as  2  notches,  and  1  don't  know  but  3  or  4. 
To  think  that  he  loved  his  mother's  memory  so  well 
as  to  be  so  kind  for  her  sake,  for  the  sake  of  a  fleet- 
in'  likeness,  to  be  so  gfood  to  another  female. 


208  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

But  Josiah  Allen  looked  meachin'.  I  gin  him  a 
dretful  meanin'  look.  I  didn't  say  nothin',  only  jest 
that  look,  but  it  spoke  volumes  and  volumes,  and 
my  pardner  silently  devoured  the  volumes,  and,  as 
I  say,  looked  meachin'  for  pretty  near  a  quarter  of  a 
hour. 

And  that  is  a  long  time  for  a  man  to  look  smut, 
and  conscience-struck.  It  hain't  in  'em  to  be  mor- 
tified for  any  length  of  time,  as  is  well  known  by 
female  pardners. 

But  we  kep  on  a-goin'.  And  every  single  time 
I  went  into  that  beautiful  room,  whether  it  wuz 
broad  daylight  or  lit  up  by  gas,  every  single  time 
the  face  of  that  tall  slender  girl,  a-standin'  there  so 
calm  by  the  crystal  brook,  would  look  so  natural  to 
me,  and  so  sort  o'  familiar,  that  I  almost  ketched 
myself  sayin' — 

"  Good-evenin',  my  dear,"  to  it,  which  would  have 
been  perfectly  ridiculous  in  me,  and  the  very  next 
thing  to  worshippin'  a  graven  image. 

And  what  made  it  more  mysterious  to  me,  and 
more  like  a  circus  (a  solemn,  high-toned  circus), 
wuz,  to  ketch  ever  and  anon,  and  I  guess  oftener 
than  that,  Mr.  Freeman's  eyes  bent  on  that 
pretty  young  face  with  a  look  as  if  he  too  recog- 
nized  her,  and  wanted  to  talk  to  her.     And  some, 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  20Q 

too,  he  looked  as  if  she  wuz  dead  and  buried,  and 
he  wuz  a-mournin'  deep  for  her,  very  deep. 

As  curious  a  look  as  I  ever  see  ;  and  if  I  hain't 
seen  curious  looks  in  my  time,  then  I  will  say  no- 
body has.  Yes,  indeed  !  I  have  seen  curious  looks 
in  my  journey  through  life,  curious  as  a  dog,  and 
curiouser. 

But  there  she  stood,  no  matter  what  looks  wuz 
cast  on  her  from  friend  or  foe — and  I  guess  it 
would  sound  better  to  say  from  friend  or  lover,  for 
nobody  could  be  a  foe  to  that  radiant-faced,  beautiful 
creeter. 

There  she  stood,  in  sun  or  shade,  knee-deep  in 
them  fresh  green  grasses,  a-lookin'  off  onto  them 
sunset  clouds  always  rosy  and  golden,  by  the  side  of 
that  streamlet  that  always  had  the  sparkle  on  its 
tiny  waves. 

I  might  be  tired  and  weak  as  a  eat,  and  Mr.  Free- 
man might  have  the  headache,  and  Josiah  Allen  be 
cross,  and  all  fagged  out — ■ 

But  her  face  wuz  always  serene,  and  lit  up  with 
the  glow  of  joy  and  health,  and  her  sweet,  deep 
eyes  always  held  the  secret  that  she  couldn't  be 
made  to  tell. 

Mr.  Bolster  was  a  stout,  middle-aged  man,  with 
bald  head,  side  whiskers,  and  a  double  chin.     And 


2IO  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

his  big  blue  eyes  kinder  stood  out  from  his  face 
some.  Pie  was  a  real  estate  agent,  so  Miss  Plank 
said.  But  his  principal  business  seemed  to  be 
a-praisin'  up  Chicago,  and  a-puffin'  up  the  World's 
Fair. 

Good  land  !  Columbus  didn't  need  none  of  his 
patronizin'  and  puffin'  up,  and  Chicago  didn't,  not 
by  his  tell. 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  impressed  by  him.  We  didn't 
lead  off  to  the  Fair  ground  the  next  day  after  our 
arrival.  No  ;  at  my  request,  we  took  life  easy — ■ 
onpacked  our  trunks  and  got  good  and  rested,  and 
the  mornin'  follerin'  we  got  up  middlin'  early,  bein' 
used  to  keepin'  good  hours  in  Jonesville,  and  on 
goin'  down  to  the  breakfast-table  we  found  that 
there  wuzn't  nobody  there  but  Mr.  Bolster.  He 
always  had  a  early  breakfast,  and  drove  his  own 
horse  into  the  city  to  his  place  of  business. 

He  looked  that  wide  awake  and  active  as  if  hi: 
never  had  been  asleep,  and  never  meant  to. 

And  my  companion  bein'  willin',  and  Mr.  Bolster 
bein'  more  than  willin',  they  plunged  to  once  into  a 
conversation  concernin'  Chicago,  Miss  Plank  and  I 
a-listenin'  to  'em  some  of  the  time,  and  some  of  the 
time  a-talkin'  on  our  own  hook,  as  is  the  ways  of 
wimmen. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  211 

Mr.  Bolster — and  I  believe  he  knew  that  we  wuz 
from  York  State,  and  did  it  partly  in  a  hoastin'  way 
— he  begun  most  to  once  to  prove  that  Chicago  wuz 
the  only  place  in  America  at  all  suitable  to  hold  the 
World's  Fair  in. 

And  I  gin  him  to  understand  that  I  thought 
that  New  York  would  have  been  a  good  place  for 
it,  and  it  wuz  a  disapintment  to  me  and  to  sev- 
eral other  men  and  wimmen  in  the  State  to  not 
have  it  there. 

But  Mr.  Bolster  says,  "Why,  Chicago  is  the  only 
place  at  all  proper  for  it.  Why,"  sez  he,  "in  away 
of  politeness,  Chicago  is  the  only  plaee  for  it.  In 
what  other  city  eould  the  foreigners  be  weleomed 
by  their  own  people  as  they  can  here  ?"     Sez  he — 

"  In  Chicago  over  75  per  cent  of  the  population 
is  foreign." 

"Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  with  a  air  as  if  he  had  made 
population  a  study  from  his  youth. 

But  he  didn't  know  nothin'  about  it,  no  more 
than  I   did. 

Sez  Mr.  Bolster,  "  Out  of  a  population  of  a  little 
over  a  million  200,000,  we  have  nine  hundred  and 
1 4,000  foreigners.  That  shows  in  itself  that  Chicago 
is  the  only  city  calculated  to  make  our  foreign 
friends  feel  perfectly  at  home." 


312  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah,   "  that  is  very  true." 

But  I  sez  to  Miss  Plank,  "There  is  other  folks  I 
like  jest  as  well  as  I  do  my  relations,  and  if  they 
had  thought  so  mueh  on  'em,  why  didn't  they  stay 
with  'em  in  the  first  plaee  ?" 

And  Miss  Plank  kinder  looked  knowin'  and 
nodded  her  head  ;  she  couldn't  swing;  right  out  free, 
as  I  could,  bein'  hampered  by  not  wantin'  to  offend 
any  of  her  boarders. 

Sez  Mr.  Bolster,  "  Chicago  has  the  most  ener- 
getic and  progressive  people  in  the  world.  It  hain't 
made  up,  like  a  Eastern  village,  of  folks  that  stay  to 
home  and  set  round  on  butter-tubs  in  grocery  stores, 
talkin'  about  hens.  No,  it  is  made  up  of  people 
who  dared — who  wuz  too  energetic,  progressive, 
and  ambitious,  to  settle  down  and  be  content  with 
what  their  fathers  had.  And  they  struck  out  new 
paths  for  themselves,  as  the  Pilgrim  Fathers  did. 

"  And  it  is  of  these  people,  who  represent  the 
advancin'  and  progressive  thought  of  the  day,  that 
Chicago  is  made  up.  It  embodies  the  best  energy 
and  ambition  of  the  Eastern  States  and  of  Europe." 

"Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  "that  is  jest  so." 

And  then,  sez  Mr.  Bolster,  "  Chicago  is,  as  is  well 
known,  in  the  very  centre  of  the  earth." 

"Yes,"  sez  Josiah. 


SAMAXTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


213 


But  I  struck  in  here,  and  couldn't  help  it,  and,  sez 
I,  "That  is  what  Boston  has  always  thought;"  and, 
sez  I,  candidly,  "  That  is  what  has 
always  been  thought  about  Jones- 
ville." 

He  looked  pityin'ly  at  me,  and, 
sez  he,  "  Where  is  Jonesville  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "  Jest  where  I  told 
you,  in  the  very  centre  of  the 
earth,  as  nigh  as  we  can  make 
out." 

"How  old  is  the  place?"  sez 
Mr.  Bolster. 

Sez  I  proudly,  "It  is  more  than 
a  hundred  and  fifty  years  old,  for 
Uncle  Nate   Bently's  grandfather 
built  the  first  store  there,  and  helped  build  the  first 
Meetin'-House  ;    and,"  sez   I,  "  Uncle  Nate  is  over 
ninety." 

"  How  many  inhabitants   has  it  ?"    sez   he    brisk- 

And  then  my  own  feathers  had  to  droop  ;  and  as 
I  paused  to  collect  my  thoughts,  Josiah  spoke  up — 
he  is  always  so  forward — and,  sez  he,  "  About  200 
and  10  or  11." 

But  I  sez,  with  dignity,  "  Perhaps  I  know   more 


Chicago  is  the  very  centre 
of  the  earth." 


214  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR. 

about  some  things  than  you  do,  Josiah.  There  may 
be,  by  this  time,  one  or  two  more  inhabitants." 

Sez  Mr.  Bolster,  "  A  growth  of  about  200  in  one 
hundred  years  !  Chicago  is  about  half  as  old,  and 
has  one  million  eight  hundred  thousand  population. 
In  ten  years  the  population  has  increased  108  per 
cent,  and  property  has  increased  in  the  same  time 
656  per  cent,  the  greatest  growth  in  the  world." 

He  regarded  Jonesville  as  he  would  a  fly  in  dog 
days.      He  went  right  by  it. 

"As  I  was  saying,  we  say  nothing  about  Chicago 
but  what  we  can  prove.  Look  on  the  map  and  you 
will  see  for  yourself  that  Chicago  is  right  in  the 
centre  of  the  habitable  portion  of  North  America. 
Put  your  thumb  down  on  Chicago,  and  then  sweep 
round  it  in  an  even  circle  with  your  middle  finger, 
and  you  will  see  that  it  takes  in  with  that  sweep  all 
the  settled  portion  of  North  America." 

"Yes/'  sez  Josiah,  with  a  air  as  if  lie  had  proved 
it  with  his  thumb  and  finger,  time  and  agin,  but  he 
hadn't  no  such  thing. 

Sez  Mr.  Bolster,  "  We  say  nothing  about  our  City 
that  wre  can't  prove.  As  Chicago  is  in  the  very 
centre  of  productive  North  America,  so  it  is  the 
centre  of  population  of  the  United  States. 

"  It  is  the  centre  of  the  raw  materials  for  manu- 


SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  215 

factures,  cotton,  wool,  metals,  coal,  gas,  oil  fields, 
all  sorts  of  food.  And  as  it  is  the  centre  of  supply, 
so  it  is  of  distribution — 60  railroads  and  branches 
bring  freight  and  carry  out  manufactured  products 
to  every  part  of  the  country — to  say  nothing  of  the 
great  number  of  lines  of  water  transportations — - 
connecting  with  all  parts  of  the  world.  Why,  last 
year  Chicago  had  50  per  cent  more  arrivals  and 
clearances  than  New  York.  It  is  the  greatest  ship- 
ping place  in  America.  And,"  sez  Mr.  Bolster,  "  not 
only  can  we  prove  that  Chicago  is  the  centre  of  the 
world  for  manufactures,  but  it  is  the  healthiest  place 
to  live  in." 

And  then  agin  I  spoke  out,  and,  sez  I,  "  I  always 
hearn  that  it  was  built  on  low,  swampy  ground." 

"Yes,"  sez  Mr.  Bolster  cheerfully,  "that  is  the 
reason  why  it  is  healthy.  The  ground  was  origi- 
nally low  and  wet,  and  so  it  was  elevated,  filled  in. 
Why,  just  before  the  great  lire  we  lifted  up  all  the 
houses,  ill  the  best  part  of  the  city,  on  jack-screws 
for  eight  feet,  and  filled  the  ground  under  them. 
The  idea  of  lifting  up  a  whole  city  eight  feet  and 
making  new  ground  under  it  !  There  never  was 
such  an  undertaking  before  since  the  world  began. 

"And  then  the  fire  come,  and  the  city  was  re- 
built just  as  we  wanted  it.      Why,  the  death-rate  of 


2l6  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

Chicago  is  lower  than  almost  any  city  of  the  world 
except  London — it  is  just  about  the  same  as  that. 
Then,"  sez  he,  "  our  climate  is  perfect ;  it  is  so 
temperate  and  even  that  folks  don't  have  to  spend 
all  their  energies  in  keeping  warm,  as  they  do  in 
colder  climates,  nor  is  it  so  warm  that  they  have  to 
spend  their  vital  energies  in  fanning  themselves." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  had  ruther  mow  a  beaver  medder 
in  dog  days  than  to  fan  myself — it  wouldn't  tire  me 
so  much." 

Sez  Mr.  Bolster,  "The  climate  is  just  right  to 
call  forth  the  prudent  saving  qualities  to  provide  for 
the  winter  ;  and  warm  enough  to  keep  them  happy 
and  cheerful  looking  forward  to  bounteous  har- 
vests." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "it  got  burnt  up,  anyway." 

It  fairly  provoked  me  to  see  him  look  down  so 
on  all  the  rest  of  the  world. 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  that  is  another  evidence  of  the 
city's  marvellous  power  and  resources.  Find  me 
another  city,  if  you  can,  where  in  a  few  hours 
200  millions  of  dollars  were  burnt  up,  two 
thousand  100  acres  burnt  over,  right  in  the 
heart  of  a  big  city,  with  a  loss  of  two  hundred 
and  ninety  million  dollars,  and  then  to  have  it 
spring  up  in  a  marvellously  short  time — not  only  as 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  21? 

good  as  new,  but  infinitely  better  ;  so  much  better 
that  the  disaster  proved  to  be  an  untold  blessing 
to  the  city." 

Truly,  as  I  see,  swamps  couldn't  dround  out  his 
self-conceit,   nor  fire   burn   it  up. 

And  I  knew  myself  that  Chicago  had  great 
reason  to  be  proud  of  her  doin's,  and  I  felt  it  in 
my  heart,  only  I  couldn't  bear  to  see  Mr.  Bolster 
act  so  haughty. 

And  I  sez  to  my  pardner,  with  quite  a  lot  of 
dignity,  "  I  guess  it  is  time  we  are  goin',  if  we 
get  to  the   Fair  in    any  season." 

And  Mr.  Bolster  to  once  told  us  what  way 
would  be  best  for  us  to  go.  A  good-natured 
creeter  he  is,  without  any  doubt. 

But  jest  as  we  wuz  startin'  I  happened  to  think 
of  a  errent  that  had  been  sent  me  by  Jim  Mee- 
sick,   he  that  wuz   Philura  Meesick's  brother. 

lie  wanted  to  get  a  place  to  work  somewhere 
in  Chicago,  through  the  Fair,  so's  to  pay  his  wTay, 
and  gin  him  a  chance  to  go  to  the   Fair. 

I  had  already  asked  Miss  Plank  about  it,  but 
she  didn't  know  of  no  openin'  for  him,  and  I 
happened  to  think,  mebby  Mr.  Bolster,  seein'  he 
knew  everything  else,  might  know  of  a  place  where 
Jim  could  get  work. 


21 8  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

And,  sez  I,  "  He  is  handy  at  anything,  and  I  spoze 
there  are  lots  of  folks  here  in  Chicago  that  hire 
help.  I  spoze  some  of  'em  have  as  many  as  four 
or  live  hired  men  apiece." 

Sez  I,  "There  are  them  in  Jonesville,  durin'  the 
summer  time,  who  employ  as  high  as  two  men  by 
the  day,  besides  the  regular  hired  man,  and  I  spoze 
it  is  so  here." 

"Yes,"  sez  he  ;  "  Mr.  Pullmen  has  five  thousand 
four  hundred  and  fifty  hired  men,  and  Philip  Ar- 
moor  has  seven  thousand  seven  hundred  and  sev- 
enty-five." 

Wall,  there  wuz  no  more  to  be  said.  Bolster  had 
done  what  he  sot  out  to  do — he  had  lowered  my 
pride  down  lower  than  the  Queen  of  Sheba's  ever 
wuz,  by  fur.  I  had  no  sperit  left  in  me.  He 
might  have  gone  on  to  me  by  the  hour,  and  I  not 
sensed  it. 

But  I  didn't  let  on  how  I  felt.  I  only  sez  weakly, 
"Wall,  they  hain't  a-sufferin'  for  help,  I  guess,  and 
I'll  write  to  Philura  so." 

But  Bolster,  good-natured  agin,  sez,  "  I  will  look 
round,  and  see  what  I  can  do  for  him."  And  he 
snatched  out  a  note-book,  and  writ  his  name  down. 
And  I  thanked  him,  and  weakly  follered  my  com- 
panion from  the  room. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR.  219 

And  I  felt  that  if  the  door  had  been  much 
smaller  I  could  have  got  out  of  it.  I  felt  very 
diminutive — very — almost  tiny.  But  I  got  over  it 
pretty  soon.  I  felt  about  my  usial  size  as  we 
descended  the  stairs  and  stood  on  the  steps,  ready 
to  sally  out  and  take  the  street  cars  that  wuz  to 
transport  our  bodys  to  the  Christopher  Columbus 
World's  Fair. 

But  while  we  wuz  a-standin'  there  a-lookin'  round 
to  see  jest  which  wuz  the  best  way  to  go  to  get  to 
the  corner  Miss  Plank  had  directed  us  to,  Mr.  Bol- 
ster come  down  the  steps  spry  and  active  as  a  young 
cat,  and,  sez  he — 

"  My  carriage  is  waiting  to  take  me  to  my  orfice, 
and  I  will  be  glad  to  take  you  both  in,  and  take  you 
past  some  of  our  city  sights,  and  I  will  leave  you  at 
a  station  where  the  train  will  take  you  right  to  the 
grounds." 

So  we  accepted  his  offer,  Josiah  with  joy  and  I 
with  a  becomin'  dignity,  and  the  carriage  sot  off 
down  the  street. 

And  what  follers  truly  seems  like  a  dream  to  me, 
and  so  duz  the  talk  accompanyin'  it.  The  tall 
buildin's  we  looked  at,  one  of  'em  260  feet  high,  20 
storys — elevators  that  can-)' 40,000  passengers — and 
a  garden  on  the  roof,  a  garden  260  feet  in  the  air. 


220  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

where  you  can  set  and  talk  and  eat  nut-cakes,  and 
fried  oysters — the  idee  ! 

And  then  the  block  that  Mr.  Bolster  said  wuz 
the  largest  business  block  in  the  world,  it  accomi- 
dated  6000  people.  And  then  we  went  by  big 
meetin'-housen,  and  other  big  housen,  whose  ruffs 
seemed  so  high  that  it  seemed  as  if  you  could  stand 
up  on  the  chimblys  and  shake  hands  with  the  man 
in  the  moon,  and  neighbor  with  him. 

And  then  the  talk  I  hearn — 22  miles  of  river 
frontage  sweepin'  up  from  the  lake  into  the  heart 
of  the  city,  where  the  giant  elevators  unload  their 
huge  traffic.  He  told  us  what  the  revenue  of  the 
city  wuz  yearly,  $25,000,000,  25  millions — the  idee  ! 

And  Jonesvillc,  fifty  years  older  than  Chicago, 
thinks  she  has  clone  well  if  she  has  3  dollars  and  25 
cents  in  her  treasury. 

Why,  that  man  used  so  many  immense  sums  in 
his  talk,  that  I  got  all  muddled  up,  and  a  ort  seem- 
ed to  me  almost  like  a  million — I  felt  queer. 

And  then  the  system  of  Parks  and  Boulevards, 
the  finest  in  the  world — 100  miles  of  them  beauti- 
ful pleasure  drives.  I  believe,  from  what  I  see 
afterwards,  that  he  told  the  truth,  for  no  city,  it 
seems  to  me,  could  improve  on  that  long,  broad, 
beautiful  way,  smooth  and  tree-bordered,  edged  with 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  22  1 

stately  homes,  leadin'  into  the  matchless  beauty  of 
the  Parks. 

But  anon,  when  I  felt  that  I  wuz  bein'  crushed 
down  beneath  a  gigantic  weight  of  figgers,  and  esti- 
mates, elevators,  population,  hite,  depth,  under- 
ground tunnels,  and  systems  of  drainage — though 
every  one  of  'em  wuz  a  grand  and  likely  subject  and 
awful  big — but  I  felt  that  I  wuz  a-bein'  crushed  by 
'em — I  felt  that  the  Practical,  the  Real  wuz  a 
crushin'  me  down — the  weight,  and  noise,  and  size 
of  the  mighty  iron  wheel  of  Progress,  that  duz  roll 
faster  in  Chicago  than  in  any  other  place  on  earth, 
it  seems  to  me.  But  I  felt  so  trodden  down  by  it, 
and  flattened  out,  that  I  thought  I  would  love  to 
see  sunthin'  or  other  different,  sunthin'  kinder  spirit- 
ual, and  meditate  a  spell  on  some  of  the  onseen 
forces  that  underlays  all  human  endeavor. 

So,  at  my  request,  we  went  out  of  our  way  a  lit- 
tle, so  I  could  set  my  eyes  on  that  Temple  dreamed 
out  by  a  woman  and  wrought  a  good  deal  by  faith, 
some  like  the  walls  of  Jericho,  only  different,  for 
whereas  they  fell  by  faith,  this  wuz  riz  up  by  it. 

And  my  feelin's  as  I  looked  at  that  Temple  wuz 
large  and  noble-sized  as  you  will  find  anywhere. 

A  Temple  consecrated  not  so  much  to  the  Al- 
mighty in  Heaven,  who  don't  need  it,  as  to  God  in 


222  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Humanity — to  the  help  of  the  Divine  as  it  shows 
itself  half  buried  and  lost  in  the  clay  of  the  human 
— a  help  to  relieve  the  God  powers  from  the  tram- 
mels of  the  fiend — 

A  Temple — not  so  much  to  set,  and  pray,  and 
sing  in,  about  the  beauties  of  our  Heavenly  home, 
as  to  build  up  God's  kingdom  on  earth,  show  forth 
His  praise  in  helpin'  His  poor,  and  weak,  and  sin- 
ful. 

My  feelin's  wuz  a  sight — a  sight  to  behold,  as  I 
sot  and  looked  at  it — -that  tall,  noble,  majestic  pile, 
and  thought  of  the  way  it  wuz  built,  and  what  it 
wuz  built  for. 

But  as  we  drove  on  agin,  my  mind  got  swamped 
once  more  in  a  sea  of  immense  riggers  that  swashed 
up  agin  me — elevators  that  carry  grain  up  to  the 
top  of  towerin'  buildin's,  10,000  bushels  a  hour,  and 
then  come  down  its  own  self  and  weigh  itself,  and 
I  guess  put  itself  into  bags  and  tie  'em  up — though 
he  didn't  speak  in  particuler  about  the  tyin'  up. 

And  then  he  praised  their  stores — one  of  'em 
which  employed  2,000,400  men.  And  then  he 
praised  up  their  teliphone  system,  so  perfect  that 
nothin'  could  happen  in  any  part  of  the  city  without 
its  bein'  known  to  once  at  police  headquarters. 

And   then   he   praised  up  agin  and  agin  the  busi- 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  223 

ness  qualities  and  go-ahead-it-ivness  of  the  people, 
and  how  property  had  riz. 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "Chicago  and  three  hundred 
miles  around  it  wuz  bought  for  five  shillings  not 
so  long  ago  as  your  little  town  was  founded,  and 
now  look  at  the  uncounted  millions  it  represents." 

And  then  he  boasted  about  the  Board  of  Trade, 
and  said  its  tower  wuz  300  feet  high.  And,  sez  he, 
"  While  folks  all  over  the  world  are  prayin'  for  their 
daily  bread,  the  men  inside  that  building  was  decid- 
ing whether  they  could  get  it  or  not." 

And  after  he  talked  about  everything  else  con- 
nected with  Chicago,  and  hauled  up  riggers  and 
heaped  'em  up  in  front  of  me  till  mv  brain  reeled, 
and  my  mind  tottered  back,  and  tried  to  lean  onto 
old  Rugers'  Rithmatick — and  couldn't,  he  wuz  so 
totally  inadequate  to  the  circumstances— he  men- 
tioned "  that  they  had  6000  saloons  in  Chicago, 
and  made  twenty-one  million  barrels  of  beer  in  a 
year." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  a-turnin'  round  in  the  buggy,  "  mv 
brain  has  been  made  a  wreck  by  the  Aggers  you 
have  brung  up  and  throwed  at  me  about  the  noble, 
progressive  doin's  of  Chicago,  and,"  sez  I  firmly, 
"  I  wuz  willin'  to  have  it,  for  I  respect  and  honor 
the  people  who  could  do  such  wonders,  and  keep 


224  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR. 

on  a-doin'  'em,  to  the  admiration  of  the  world. 
But,"  sez  I,  "  my  brain  shall  not  totter  under  none 
of  your  beer  and  whiskey  statisticks."  And  as  I 
spoke  I  put  my  hand  to  my  foretop,  and  I  looked 
quite  bad,  and  truly  I  felt  so. 

He  glanced  at  me,  and  see  that  I  wuz  not  in  a 
situation  to  be  trifled  with. 

And  as  we  wuz  jest  approach  in'  the  station  where 
we  wuz  to  be  left,  he  ceased  his  remarks,  and  held 
his  horse  in. 

He  helped  me  to  alight,  and  I  thanked  him  fp: 
his  kindness,  and  acted  as  polite  as  a  person  could 
whose  brain  lay  a  wreck  in  the  upper  part  of  her 
head.  The  last  word  Mr.  Bolster  said  to  us  wuz, 
as  he  gathered  up  the  reins,  sez  he  : 

"  Thirty-six  lines  of  cars  come  to  and  leave 
Chicago,  which,  with  its  immense  shipping  facili- 
ties, makes  it  the — " 

But  the  cars  tooted  jest  then,  and  I  didn't  hear 
his  last  words,  and  I  w7uz  glad  on't,  as  I  say,  I  had 
thanked  him  before. 

But  good  land  !  he  would  have  carried  two  giraffes 
or  camels  willin'ly  if  he  could  have  got  'em  into  his 
buggy,  and  sot  'em  up  by  him  on  the  seat,  and 
could  have  boasted  to  'em  understanding  about 
Chicago.     But  I  guess  he  is  well-meanin'. 


CHAPTER   X. 

Wall,  after  he  left  us  we  boarded  some  cars,  and 
found  ourselves,  with  the  inhabitants  of  several 
States,  I  should  judge,  borne  onwards  towards 
the  White  City. 

And  anon,  or  about  that  time,  we  found  ourselves 
at  a  depot,  where  wuz  the  entire  census  of  several 
other  States,  and  Territories. 

There  we  wuz  right  in  front  of  the  Gole,  and  I 
don't  believe  there  wuz  a  better-lookin'  Gole  sence 
the  world  begun. 

The  minute  we  left  the  cars  we  found  ourselves 
between  two  lines  of  wild-lookin'  and  actin'  men, 
a-tryin'  to  sell  us  things  we  hadn't  no  need  on. 

What  did  1  want  with  a  cane  ?  or  Josiah  with  a 
little  creepin'  beetle  ?  And  what  did  I  want  with 
galluses  ? 

They  didn't  use  no  judgment,  and  their  yellin's 
wuz  fearful  ;  whatever  else  they  had,  they  didn't 
have  consumption,  I  don't  believe. 

After  payin'  our  two  fares,  a  little  gate  sort  o' 
turned     round    and    let    us    in    to    the    Columbian 


226  SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

World's  Fair — that  marvellous  city  of  magic  ;  and 
anon,  if  not  a  little  before,  the  Adminstration 
Buildin'  hove  up  in  front  of  us. 

All  the  descriptions  in  the  World  can't  give  no 
idee  of  the  wonderful  proportions  of  the  buildin's 
and  the  charm  of  the  surroundin's.  The  minute 
you  pass  the  gate  you  are  overwhelmed  with  the 
greatness,  charm,  and  nobility,  the  impressive, 
onspeakable  aspect  of  the  buildin's. 

The  stucco,  of  which  most  of  the  buildin's  are 
composed,  made  it  possible  for  the  artist  and  the 
architect  to  carry  out  their  idees  to  a  magnitude 
never  before  attempted.  It  is  a  material  easy  to  be 
moulded  into  all  rare  and  artistic  shapes  and  group- 
ill's,  and  still  cheap  enough  to  be  used  as  free  as 
their  fancy  dictated,  and  is  as  beautiful  as  mar- 
ble. 

Colossial  buildin's,  beautiful  enough  for  any 
Monarch,  and  which  no  goverment  on  earth  wuz 
ever  rich  enough  to  carry  out  in  permanent  form. 

Wall,  as  I  said,  the  Adminstration  Buildin'  wuz 
the  one  that  hove  up  directly  in  front  of  us. 

It  towers  up  in  the  circumambient  air  with  its 
great  gilded  dome,  and  seems  to  begen  to  us  ail  to 
come  and  pass  through  it  into  the  marvels  beyend. 

This  buildin'    is  like  a  main  spring  to  a  watch,  or 


The  Adminstration  Buildin'  hove  up  directly  in  front  of  us. 


228  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

the  pendulum  to  a  gigantick  eloek — it  regulates  the 
hull  of  the  rest  of  the  works.  Here  is  the  head- 
quarters of  the  managers  of  the  World's  Fair — the 
fire  and  police  departments — the  press,  and  them 
that  have  charge  of  the  foreign  nations. 

Here  is  a  bank,  post-office,  and  the  department  of 
general  information  about  the  Fair. 

And  never,  never  sence  the  creation  of  the  world 
has  old  General  Information  had  a  better-lookin' 
place  to  stay  in. 

Why,  some  folks  call  this  high,  magnificent 
buildin',  with  its  great  shinin'  dome,  the  handsomest 
buildin'  amongst  that  city  of  matchless  palaces.  It 
covers  four  acres,  every  acre  bein'  more  magnificent 
than  the  other  acres.  Why,  the  Widder  Albert 
herself  gin  Mr.  Hunt,  the  architect,  a  ticket,  she 
was  so  tickled  with  his  work. 

The  dome  on  top  of  it  is  the  biggest  dome  in  the 
world,  with  the  exception  of  St.  Peter's  in  Rome. 
And  it  seemed  to  me,  as  I  looked  up  at  the  dome, 
that  Peter  might  have  got  along  with  one  no  bigger 
than  this. 

Howsumcver,  it  hain't  for  me  to  scrimp  anybody 
in  domes.      But  this  wuz  truly  enormious. 

But  none  too  big,  mebby,  for  the  nub  on  top  of 
the  gate  of   the  World's    Fair,      That   needs   to   be 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  229 

mighty  in  size,  and  of  pure  gold,  to  correspond  with 
what  is  on  the  inside  of  the  gate. 

But  never  wuz  there  such  a  gorgeous  gate-way  be- 
fore, unless  it  wuz  the  gate-way  of  Paradise. 

Why,  as  you  stood  inside  of  that  dome  and  looked 
way  up,  up,  up  towards  the  top,  your  feelin's  soared 
to  that  extent  that  it  almost  took  you  offen  your 
feet. 

Noble  pictures  and  statutes  you  see  here,  too. 
Some  on  'em  struck  tremendious  hard  blows  onto 
my  appreciation,  and  onto  my  head  also. 

And  a-lookin'  on  'em  made  me  feel  well,  dretful 
well,  to  see  how  much  my  sect  wuz  thought  on  in 
stun,  and  canvas,  and  such. 

There  wuz  Diligence,  a  good-lookin'  woman, 
workin'  jest  as  she  always  has,  and  is  willin'  to  ; 
there  she  sot  a-spinnin'  and  a-bringin'  up  her  chil- 
dren as  good  as  she  knew  how. 

Mebby  she  wuz  a-teachin'  a  Sunday-school  lesson 
to  the  boy  that  stood  by  her. 

He  had  his  arms  full  of  ripe  fruit  and  grapes.  I 
am  most  afraid  for  his  future,  but  she  wuz  a-teachin' 
him  the  best  she  could  ;  you  could  see  that  by  her 
looks. 

Then  there  wuz  Truth,  another  beautiful  woman, 
a-holdin'  a  lookin'-^lass  in   her  hand,  and  a-teachin' 


230  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

another  little  boy.  Mebby  it  wuz  the  young  Future 
she  wuz  a-learnin'  to  tell  the  truth,  anyway,  no  mat- 
ter how  much  it  hurt  him,  how  hard  it  hit  aginst  old 
custom  and  prejudices.  He  wuz  a-leanin'  affection- 
ate on  her,  but  his  eyes  wuz  a-lookin'  away — fur  off. 
Mebby  he'll  hear  to  her,  mebby  he  will — he's  young  ; 
but  I  feel  kinder  dubersome  about  it. 

She  held  her  glass  dretful  high.  Mebby  she  laid 
out  that  Uncle  Sam  should  see  his  old  features  in 
it,  and  mebby  she  wuz  a-remindin'  him  that  he  ortn't 
to  carve  woman  as  a  statute  of  Truth,  and  then  not 
be  willin'  to  hear  her  complaints  when  she  tries  to 
tell  him  about  'em,  in  his  own  place,  where  he  makes 
his  laws,  year  in  and  year  out. 

If  he  believes  she  is  truthful — and  he  must,  or  he 
wouldn't  name  her  Truth  and  set  her  up  so  high  for 
the  nations  to  look  at — what  makes  him,  year  after 
year,  act  towards  wimmen  as  if  he  believed  she  wuz 
a-lyin'  ?     It  is  onreasonable  in  him. 

And  then  there  wuz  Abundance,  a  woman  and  a 
man.  I  guess  they  had  an  abundance  of  everything 
for  their  comfort,  and  it  looked  real  good  to  see 
they  wuz  both  a-sharin'  it. 

She  wuz  a-settin'  in  a  chair,  and  he  wuz  on  the 
floor.  That  might  do  for  a  Monument,  or  Statute, 
but   I   don't  believe  they  would  foller  it  up  so  for 


SAMAXTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S    FAIR. 


day  after  day  in  real  life,  and  they  hadn't  ort  to. 
Men  and  wimmen  ort  to  have  the  same  settin' 
accommodations,  and  standin'  too,  and  ort  to  be 
treated  one  of  'em  jest  as 
well  as  the  other.  They  are 
both  likely  creeters,  a  good 
deal  of  the  time. 

Then  there  wuz  Tradition. 
Them  wuz  two  old  men, 
as  wuz  nateral — wimmen 
wuzn't  in  that — woman  is  in 
the  future  and  the  present. 
Them  two  men,  a-lookm' 
considerable  war-like,  wuz 
a-talkin'  over  the  past — the 
deeds  of  Might. 

They  didn't  need  wimmen 
so  much  there,  and  I  didn't 
feel  as  if  I  cared  a  cent  to 
have  her  there. 

When  they  git  to  talkin'  over  the  deeds  of  Right,  I'd 
want  wimmen  to  be  present.     And  she  will  be  there. 

And  then  there  wuz  Liberty,  agin  a  woman, 
beautiful  and  serene,  a-depicterin'  Liberty,  and  agin 
a-holdin'  her  arms  round  a  young  male  child,  and 
a-teachin'  him. 


There  wuz  Liberty,  beautiful  and 

SERENE. 


232  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

That,  too,  filled  me  with  high  hope,  that  Uncle 
Sam  had  at  last  discovered  the  mean  actions  that 
wuz  a-goin'  on  about  wimmen  ;  that  he  had  seen 
the  chains  that  wuz  a-bindin'  her,  and  a-gaulin' 
her. 

He  wouldn't  be  likely  to  depicter  her  as  Liberty, 
and  set  her  up  so  high  in  the  gate-way  to  the 
World's  Fair,  if  he  calculated  to  keep  her  on  in  the 
slavery  she  is  now,  a-bindin'  her  with  her  own  heart- 
strings— takin'  away  her  power  to  help  her  own 
heart's  dearest,  in  their  fights  aginst  the  evils  and 
temptations  of  the  World. 

No,  I  believe  Uncle  Sam  is  a-goin'  to  turn  over 
a  new  leaf — anyway,  Liberty  sot  up  there,  a-lookin' 
off  with  a  calm  mean,  and  there  wuz  a  smile  on  her 
face,  as  if  she  see  a  light  in  the  future  that  begened 
to  her. 

And  then,  there  wuz  Charity  ;  of  course  she  wuz 
a  woman — she  always  is. 

She  had  two  little  boys  by  her ;  one  had  his  hand 
on  her  heart,  and  that  faithful  heart  wuz  filled  with 
love  and  pity  for  him,  jest  as  it  always  has  been, 
and  always  will  be.  Another  wuz  a-kneelin'  at  her 
feet,  with  her  fosterin'  hand  on  his  head.  A  good- 
lookin'  creeter  Charity  wuz,  and  well  behaved. 

Joy    seemed    to    be    enjoyin'    herself    first     rate. 


SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  233 

Her  pretty  face  seemed  to  answer  back  the  music 
that  the  youth  at  her  feet  wuz  a-rousin'  from  his 
magic  flute. 

Theologv  wuz  a  wise,  reverend-lookin'  old  man, 
a-thinkin'  up  a  sermon,  or  a-thinkin'  out  some  new 
system  of  religion,  I  dare  presoom  to  say,  for  his 
book  seemed  to  be  half  closed,  and  he  wuz  lost  in 
deep  thought. 

He  looked  first  rate — a  good  and  well-behaved 
old  man,  I  hain't  a  doubt  on't. 

Then,  there  wuz  Patriotism — a  man  and  a  woman. 
He,  a-standin'  up  ready  to  face  danger,  or  die  for 
his  country  ;  she,  with  her  arms  round  him,  a-lookin' 
up  into  his  face,  as  if  to  say — 

"If  you  must  go,  I  will  stay  to  home  with  a 
breakin'  heart,  and  take  care  of  the  children,  and  do 
the  barn  chores." 

They  both  looked  real  good  and  noble.  Mr. 
Bitters  done  first  rate — Josiah  couldn't  have  begun 
to  done  so  well,  nor  T  nuther. 

Then  there  wuz  a  dretful  impressive  statute  there, 
a  grand-lookin'  old  man,  with  his  hand  uplifted, 
a-tellin'  sunthin'  to  a  young  child,  who  wuz  a-listenin' 
eagerly. 

I  d'no  who  the  old  man  wuz  ;  there  wuz  broad 
white  wings  a-risin'  up  all  round  him,   and  it  might 


234  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

be  he  wuz  meant  to  depicter  the  Recordin'  Angel ; 
if  he  wuz,  he  could  have  got  quills  enough  out  of 
them  wings  to  do  all  his  writin'  with. 

And  it  might  be  that  it  wuz  Wisdom  instructin' 
youth. 

And  it  might  be  some  enterprisin'  old  goose-raiser 
a-tellin'  his  oldest  boy  the  best  way  to  save  the 
white  wings  of  ganders. 

But  I  don't  believe  this  wuz  so.  There  wuz  a  riz 
up,  noble  look  on  the  old  man's  face  that  wuz 
never  ketched,  I  don't  believe,  with  wrestlin'  with 
geese  on  a  farm,  and  neighbors  all  round  him. 

No,  I  guess  it  wuz  the  gray  and  wise  old  World 
a-instructin'  the  young  Republic  what  to  do  and 
what  not  to  do. 

The  child  looked  dretful  impetuous  and  eager,  and 
ready  to  start  off  any  minute,  a  good  deal  as  our 
country  does,  and  I  presoom  wherever  the  child 
wuz  a-startin'  for  it  will  git  there. 

A  noble  statute.      Mr.  Bitters  did  first  rate. 

But  when  I  git  started  on  pictures  and  statutes — 
I  don't  know  where  or  when  to  stop. 

But  time  hastens,  and  to  resoom. 

As  I  reluctantly  tore  myself  away  from  the  glory 
and  grandeur  inside,  and  passed  through  the  buildin' 
to    the   outside,   and  a    full  view  of  the    Court  of 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  235 

Honor  busted  on  to  our  bewildered  vision,  I  did — ■ 
I  actually  did  feel  weak  as  a  cat. 

Never  agin — never  agin  will  such  a  seen  glow 
and  grow  before  mine  eyes,  till  the  streets  of  the 
New  Jerusalem  open   before  my  vision. 

Beyend  that  wide  Plaza,  that  long  basin  of  clear 
sparklin'  water,  dotted  all  over  its  glowin'  bosom 
with  fairy-like  gondolas,  and  gondolers,  dressed  in 
all  the  colors  of  the  rainbow,  or  picturesque 
launches,  with  their  gay  freight  of  happy  sightseers. 
And  here  and  there,  jest  where  they  wuz  needed,  to 
look  the  best,  wuz  statutes  and  banners  and  the 
most  gorgeous  fountain  that  ever  dripped  water. 

Then  the  broad  flights  of  snowy  marble  steps 
risin' from  the  water  to  the  green  flowery  terraces, 
and  then  above  them  the  magnificent  white  wonders 
of  the  different  buildin's. 

And  standin'  up  aginst  the  sky,  and  the  blue  waters 
of  the  lake,  the  tall  ivory  columns  of  the  Perestyle 
stood,  like  a  immense  beautiful  screen,  to  guard  this 
White  City  of  magic  splendor. 

And  risin'  from  the  blue  waters  of  the  Basin 
stands  the  grand  figure  of  the  Republic,  towerin'  up 
a  hundred  feet  high,  lookin'  jest  as  she  ort  to  look. 
Calm,  stately,  but  knowin'  in  her  heart  jest  what 
she  had  done,  and  jest  what  she  hadn't  done,  know- 


236  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

in'  jest  what  she  had  to  be  proud  on,  if  she  only  let 
her  mind  run  on't. 

But  there  wuz  no  high-headedness,  no  tostin'  of 
her  neck.  No,  fair  and  stately  and  serene  as  a 
dream  Queen,  she  stood  a  fittin'  centre  for  the  on- 
speakable  beauty  of  her  surroundin's. 

It  wuz  all  perfect,  everything — no  flaw  in  the 
perfect  harmony  of  the  seen.  No  limit  to  its  onap- 
proachable  beauty.  Yes,  the  glory  of  that  seen  as 
it  bust  onto  my  raptured  vision  will  go  with  me 
through  life,  and  won't  never  be  outdone  and  re- 
placed by  anything  more  perfect,  till  that  rapt 
hour  when  the  mortal  puts  on  immortality,  and  the 
glory  that  no  eye  hath  seen  busts  on  my  glorified 
vision. 

And  as  we  wended  onwards  and  got  still  further 
views  of  the  matchless  wonders  of  the  Columbus 
World's  Fair — wall,  I  gin  in,  and  felt  and  said,  that 
I  spozed  I  had  had  emotions  all  my  life,  and  sights 
of  'em  ;  why,  I  have  had  'em  as  high  as  from  70  to 
80  a  minute  right  along  for  a  hour  on  a  stretch — 
sometimes  when  I  have  been  rousted  up  about  sun- 
thin'. 

But  when  I  stood  stun  still  in  my  tracts,  and  the 
full  glory  and  beauty  of  that  seen  of  wonder  and 
enchantment   broke     onto    my   almost     enraptured 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  237 

vision,  I  gin  up  that  I  never  had  had  a  emotion  in 
my  hull  life,  not  one,  nothin'  but  plain,  common 
breathin's  and  sithes. 

When  I  see  these  snowy  palaces,  vast  and  beauti- 
ful and  dreamlike,  risin'  up  from  the  blue  waters, 
and  their  pure  white  columns  and  statuary  reflected 
into  the  mirrow  below,  and  the  green  beauty  of  the 
Wooded  Island,  and  the  tall  trees  a-dottin'  them 
here  and  there — ■ 

And  when  I  see  the  lagoon  a-windin'  alon^,  and 
arched  over  with  bridges,  like  the  best  of  the  beau- 
ty of  Venice  born  agin,  perfect  and  fresh  in  the 
heart  of  the  New  World — 

When  I  beheld  the  immense  quantity  of  shrubs 
and  flowers  of  every  kind  known  to  the  world — 

And  all  along  the  blue  waters  of  the  Grand 
Basin,  surrounded  by  the  magnificence  and  glory  of 
these  beautiful  palaces — the  fountains  a-sprayin'  up, 
and  waters  a-flashin',  and  banners  a-flyin',  and  the 
tall  white  statutes  a-standin'  on  every  side  of  us 
a-watchin'  us  with  their  still  eyes,  to  see  how  we  took 
in  the  transcendent  seen,  and  how  we  appeared 
under  the  display — wall,  I  stood,  as  I  say,  stun  still 
in  my  tracts,  and  sez  to  myself — 

"It  would  be  jest  as  easy  to  comprehend  the 
wonder  of  this  Exposition  by  readin'  about  it,  as  it 


238  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

would  be  for  any  one  to  try  to  judge  Niagara  by 
lookin'  at  a  pan  of  dishwater." 

They  are  both  water,  but  different,  fur  different 

And  you  have  got  to  take  in  the  wonder  and 
majesty  of  the  sight,  through  the  pores  as  it  wuz, 
through  all  your  soul,  not  at  first,  but  it  has  got  to 
grow  and  soak  in,  and  make  it  a  part  of  your- 
self. 

And  then,  when  you  have,  you  hain't  a-goin'  to 
deseribe  it — words  can't  do  it ;  you  can  walk  through 
it  and  talk  about  the  size  of  the  buildin's,  and  the 
wonders  of  the  display,  but  that  hain't  a-goin'  to 
deseribe  it,  no  more  than  the  pan  of  dishwater  can 
explain  Niagara. 

You  can  converse  about  Niagara,  the  depth,  the 
eddies,  the  swirl  of  the  waters,  the  horseshoe  falls, 
the  rainbow  that  rises  over  it,  the  grotto,  the  slate- 
stun  on  the  banks  below,  and  so  forth,  and  so  forth, 
and  so  on. 

And  how  to  show  off  the  might  and  rush  of  the 
volume  of  water  that  shakes  the  earth,  the  moun- 
tain of  shinin'  mist  that  floats  up  to  the  wonderin' 
and  admirin'  heavens — how  to  paint  this  wonderful 
and  inexpressible  glory  by  tongue,  how  to  put  in 
words  that  which  is  mightier  than  any  words  that 
wuz  ever  said   or  suns: !     Wonder  and  awe,    over- 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  239 

vvhelmin'  sensation  that  makes  the  pulse  stop  and 
then  beat  agin  in  bounds. 

When  you  paint  a  picture  showin'  the  full  power 
and  depth  of  a  mother's  love  ;  when  you  can  paint 
the  ardor  and  extacy  that  inspires  the  hero's  soul 
as  he  leads  the  forlorn  hope,  and  dies  with  his  face 
to  the  foe — 

Then  you  may  try  to  describe  Niagara  ;  no  pen, 
no  tongue  can  describe  this  ever  rushin',  ever  old 
and  ever  new  Wonder  of  the  new  world. 

And  no  more  can  any  pen  describe  the  World's 
Fair,  the  tall,  towerin'  fruit  of  the  four-century  tree 
of  civilization,  and  liberty,  and  equal  rights. 

You  can  talk  about  the  buildin's— how  they  are 
made,  how  long  and  wide  they  are.  You  can  talk 
about  the  lagoons,  the  Grand  Basin,  the  Bridges,  the 
Statutes,  the  Fountains,  the  wonders  of  the  flowers 
and  foliage,  the  grandeur  of  the  display,  and  so 
forth,  and  so  forth,  and  so  forth. 

But  how  to  describe  this  as  a  hull,  its  immensity, 
its  concentrated  might  of  material,  practical  beauty 
and  use,  that  moves  the  world  with  its  volume  and 
power — 

Or  the  more  wonderful  forces  and  influences  that 
arise  from  it,  like  a  gold  mist  seekin'  the  Heavens, 
to  fall  in  showers  of  blessin's  to  the  uttermost  ends 


240 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR. 


of  the  earth — knowledge,  wisdom,  and  beauty,  of 
Freedom,  and  Individual  Liberty,  Educational, 
Moral,  and  Beneficent  influences — who  is  a-goin'  to 
describe  all  this  ? 

I  can't,  nor  Josiah,  nor  Miss  Plank,  nor  nobody. 
No,  Mr.  Bolster  couldn't. 

Why,  jest  a-lookin'  at  it  cracked 
the  Old  Liberty  Bell,  and  I  don't 
wonder.  I  spoze  she  tried  to  swing 
out  and  describe  it,  and  bust  her  old 
sides  in  the  attempt  ;  anyway,  that 
is  what  some  think.  The  new 
crack  is  there,  anyway.  Who'd  a 
thought  on't— a  bell  that  has  stood 
so  many  different  sights,  and  kep 
herself  together  ?  But  I  wuzn't 
surprised  a  mite  to  think  it  wuz  too 
much  for  her — no,  nobody  could 
describe  it. 

1  know  Miss  Plank  couldn't,  for 
we  met  her  there,  or  rather  she  come  onto  us,  as 
I  stood  stun  still  and  nearly  lost,  and  by  the  side 
of  myself,  and  I  felt  so  queer  that  I  couldn't  hardly 
speak  to  her.  I  don't  know  but  she  thought  I  felt 
big  and  haughty,  but  good  land  !  how  mistook  she 
wuz  if  she  thought  so  !     I  felt  as  small  as  I  stood 


O 


She  bust  her  old  sides  in 
the  attempt. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  24I 

there  that  very  minute,  as  one  drop  cf  milk  in  the 
hull  milky  way. 

But  when  my  senses  got  kinder  collected  together, 
and  my  emotions  got  quelled  down  a  little,  I  passed 
the  usual  compliments  with  Miss  Plank — "  How  de 
do  ?"  and  so  forth. 

And  she  proposed  that  we  should  go  round  a 
little  together — she  said  that  she  had  been  here  so 
many  times,  that  she  felt  she  could  ofTer  herself  as 
our  "  Sissy  Roney." 

She  looked  at  Josiah  as  she  spoke  kinder  koket- 
tish,  and  I  thought  to  myself,  You  are  a-actin' pretty 
kittenish  for  a  woman  of  your  age. 

"  Sissy  !"  Sez  I  to  myself,  the  time  for  you  to  be 
called  "sissy"  rightfully  lays  fur  back  in  the  past — 
as  much  as  fifty  years  back,  anyway.  As  for  the 
"  Roney,"  I  didn't  know  what  she  did  mean,  but 
spozed  it  wuz  some  sort  of  a  pet  name  that  had 
been  gin  her  fur  away  in  that  distant  past. 

And  I  spozed  she  had  brung  it  up  to  kinder 
attract  Josiah  Allen  ;  but,  good  land  !  if  his  morals 
hadn't  been  like  iron  for  solidity,  1  knew  that  for 
her  to  try  to  flirt  wuz  like  a  old  hen  to  try  to  bite  ; 
they  don't  have  no  teeth,  hens  don't,  even  when  they 
are  young,  and  they  won't  be  likely  to  have  any 
when  they  are  fifty  or  sixty  years  old.      So  1  looked 


242  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

on  with  composure,  and  didn't  take  no  notice  of  her 
flirtacious  ways,  and  I  consented  to  her  propisition, 
and  Josiah  did  too.  That  man  hadn't  been  riz  up 
by  his  emotions  as  I  had,  by  the  majesty  and  glory 
of  the  scene — no,  he  felt  pretty  chipper  ;  and  Miss 
Plank,  after  she  quieted  down  a  little,  and  ceased 
talkin'  about  her  girlish  days,  she  could  think,  even 
in  that  rapt  hour,  of  pancakes  ;  for  she  mentioned, 
when  I  spoke  of  how  high  the  waters  of  the  foun- 
tain riz  up,  "  Yes,"  sez  she — 

"  Speakin'  of  risin',  I  left  some  pancakes  a-risin' 
before  I  left  home  ;"  and  she  wondered  if  the  cook 
would  tend  to  'em. 

Pancakes !  in  such  a  time  as  this. 

And  then  Josiah  proposed  to  go  and  see  the 
live  stock,  and  Miss  Plank  said  dreamily  that  she 
would  like  to  go  to  a  certain  restaurant  at  the 
fur  end  of  the  grounds  to  see  the  cookin'  of  a  cer- 
tain chef  ;  she  had  heard  it  went  ahead  of  anything 
in  America. 

"  Chef"- — I  didn't  want  to  act  green,  but  I  did 
wonder  what  "  chef"  wuz.  I  thought  mebby  it  wuz 
chaff  she  meant,  and  I  spozed  they  had  got  up 
some  new  way  to  cook  chaff. 

I  would  liked  to  seen  it  and  tasted  of  it,  but  Duty 
begened  to  me,  and  I  followed  her  blindly,  and  I  sez, 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  243 

as  I  planted  my  umbrcll  firm  down  on  the  ground, 
sez  I — 

"  Here  I  take  my  stand  ;  I  don't  often  stand  out 
and  try  to  have  my  way — " 

Here  Josiah  gin  a  deep  groan  out  to  one  side, 
but  he  no  need  to — -I  spoke  truth,  or  pretty  near  the 
truth,  anyway. 

Sez  I,  "  Here  I  take  my  stand  !"  and  I  brung 
down  my  good  cotton  umbrell  agin  firmly,  as 
if  to  punctuate  my  remarks,  and  add  weight  to 
it,  and  I  wuz  so  earnest  that  before  I  knew  it 
I  fell  into  a  fervid  eloquence — catched  from  my 
old  revolutionary  4  fathers,  I  spoze  —  and,  sez 
I— 

"  I  care  not  what  course  others  may  take — " 

"  But,"  sez  Miss  Plank,  "we  will  hang  together 
in  such  a  crowd  as  this." 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah  ;  "  you  mustn't  go  wanderin'  off 
by  yourself ,  Samantha  ;    it  hain't  safe." 

I  wuz  brung  down  some,  but  I  kep  on  with  con- 
siderable eloquence,  though  it  wuz  kinder  drizzlin' 
away  onbeknown  to  me,  such  is  the  power  of  en- 
vironment. 

Sez  I,  "  I  care  not  what  course  others  may  take, 
I  will  go  fust  to  the  place  my  proud  heart  has 
dwelt  on  ever  sence  the  Fair  wuz  opened — 


244  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

"  I  will  go  first  to  the  Woman's  Buildin',  home 
of  my  sect,  and  my  proud  ambition  and  love." 

Miss  Plank  demurred,  and  said  "  that  it  wuz  some 
distance  off  ;"  but  I  held  firm — Josiah  see  that  I  wuz 
firm — and  he  finally  gin  in  quite  graciously,  and,  sez 
he— 

"  I  don't  spoze  it  will  take  long,  anyway,  to  see 
all  that  wimmen  has  brung  here— and  I  spoze  the 
buildin'  will  be  a  sight — all  trimmed  off  with  orna- 
ments, and  flowers,  and  tattin' »  mebby  they  will 
have  lace  all  festooned  on  the  outside." 

Sez  he,  "  I  always  did  want  to  see  a  house  trim- 
med with  bobinet  lace  on  the  outside,  and  tattin' 
and  ribbin  streamers." 

I  wouldn't  dain  a  reply  ;  he  did  it  to  lower  my 
emotions  about  wimmen. 

But  it  wuz  impossible.  So  we  turned  our  bodies 
round  and  set  off  north  by  northwest. 

Agin  Miss  Plank  mentioned  the  distance,  and 
agin    my  Josiah    spoke  longin'ly  of  the  live  stock. 

And  I  sez  with  a  calm  dignity,  "  Josiah,  you  are 
not  a  woman." 

"No,"  sez  he,  "  dum  it  all,  I  know  I  hain't,  and 
so  there  hain't  much  chance  of  my  gettin'  my  way." 

I  kep  on  calmly,  and  with  the  same  lofty  mean, 
"  You  are  not  a  woman,  and  therefore  you  can't  tell 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR.  245 

a  woman's  desires  that  go  with  me,  to  see  the  glori- 
fication of  her  own  sect,  in  their  great  and  lofty 
work,  and  the  high  thrones  on  which  they  have 
sot  themselves  in  the  year  of  our  Lord,  1893  ;  I  am 
sot,"  sez  I,  "  I  am  sot  as  ever  the  statute  of  America 
is  on  her  marble  pedestal,  jest  so  solid  am  I  riz  up 
on  the  firm  and  solid  foundation  of  my  love,  and 
admiration,  and  appreciation  for  my  own  sect." 

And  so,  as  I  sav,  we  turned  round  in  our  tracts 
and  went  hack  round  that  noble  Adminstration 
Buildin' — 

Josiah  a-talkin'  anon  or  oftener  about  what  he 
expected  to  see  in  the  Woman's  Buildin',  every  one 
on  'em  light  and  tritlin'  things,  such  as  gauzes,  and 
artificial  flowers,  and  cossets,  and  high-heel  shoes, 
and  placks,  and  tattin',  and  etc. 

And  1  anon  a-answerin'  his  sneerin'  words,  and 
the  onspoken  but  fatigued  appeals  in  Miss  Plank's 
eyes,  by  savin' — 

"  Do  you  suppose  1  would  hurt  the  feelin's  of  my 
sect,  do  you  suppose  1  would  mortify 'em  before  the 
assembled  nations  of  the  earth,  by  slightin'  'em,  by 
not  payin'  attention  to  'em,  and  makin'  'em  the  first 
and  prime  object  of  my  distinguished  and  honora- 
ble consideration  ? 

"  No,  indeed  ;   no,  indeed  !" 


246  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

So  we  went  on  at  a  pretty  good  jog,  and  a-meet- 
in'  every  single  person  in  the  hull  earth,  every  man, 
woman,  and  child,  black  and  white,  bond  and  free, 
lame  and  lazy,  or  it  did  seem  so  to  my  wearied  and 
bewildered  apprehenshion. 

And  I  sez  to  myself  mekaniely,  what  if  conflagra- 
tions should  bieak  out  in  Asia,  or  the  chimbly  get 
afire  in  Australia,  or  a  earthquake  take  place  in 
Africa,  or  a  calf  get  into  the  waterin'  trough  at 
Jonesville,  who  would  git  it  out  or  put  'em  out  ? 

Everybody  in  the  hull  livin'  world  is  here  ;  the 
earth  has  dreaned  off  all  its  livin'  inhabitants  down 
into  this  place  ;  some  of  the  time  I  thought  mebby 
one  or  two  would  be  left  in  Jonesville,  and  Loon- 
town,  and  the  hind  side  of  Asia,  and  Hindoostan  ; 
but  as  I  wended  on  and  see  the  immense  crowd, 
a-passin'  out  of  one  buildin'  and  a-passin'  in  to 
another,  and  a-swarmin'  over  the  road  and  a-cover- 
in'  the  face  of  the  water,  I  sez  to  myself — 

"  No,  there  hain't  a  soul  left  in  Hindoostan,  or 
Jonesville,  not  one  ;  nor  Loontown,  nor  Shackville, 
nor  Africa,  nor  Zoar." 

It  wuz  a  curious  time,  very,  but  anon,  after  we 
had  wended  on  for  some  distance,  and  Miss  Plank 
looked  some  wilted,  and  Josiah's  steps  dragged,  and 
my  own  frame  felt  the  twinges  of  rheumatiz — 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  247 

Miss  Plank  spoke  up,  and  sez  she,  "  If  you  are 
bound  on  going  to  the  Woman's  Building  first,  why 
not  take  a  boat  and  go  around  there,  and  that  will 
give  you  a  good  view  of  the  buildings." 

1  assented  to  her  propisition  with  alacrity,  and 
wondered  that  I  hadn't  thought  of  it  before,  and 
Josiah  acted  almost  too  tickled. 

That  man  loves  to  save  his  steps  ;  and  then,  as  I 
soon  see,  he  had  another  idee  in  his  head. 

Sez  he,  "  I  always  wanted  to  be  a  mariner — I  will 
hire  a  boat  and  be  your  boatman." 

"  Not  with  me  for  a  passenger,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez 
I.  "  I  want  to  live  through  the  day,  anyway  ;  I  want 
to  live  to  see  the  full  glory  of  my  sect  ;  I  don't  want 
to  be  drownded  jest  in  front  of  the  gole." 

He  looked  mad — -mad  as  a  hen  ;  but  he  see  firm- 
ness in  my  mean,  so  we  went  back,  and  down  a 
Might  of  steps  to  the  water's  edge,  and  he  signalled 
a  craft  that  drew  up  and  laid  off  aginst  us — a  kinder 
queer-shaped  one,  with  a  canopy  to}),  and  gorgeous 
dressed  boatmen — and  we  embarked  and  tloated  off 
on  the  clear  waters  of  the  Grand  Basin.  Oh  !  what  a 
seen  that  would  have  been  for  a  historical  painter, 
if  Mr.  Michael  Angelo  had  been  present  with  a 
brush  and  some  paint  ! 

Josiah    Allen's  Wife   a-settin'  off   for  the   express 


248  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

purpose  of  seein'  and  admirin'  the  work  of  her  own 
sect,  and  right  in  front  of  her  the  grand  figger  of 
Woman  a-standin'  up  a  hundred  feet  high  ;  but  no 
higher  above  the  ordinary  size  of  her  sect  wuz  she 
a-standin'  than  the  works  of  the  wimmen  I  wuz  a-set- 
tin'  out  to  see  towered  up  above  the  past  level  of 
womankind.  Oh,  what  a  hour  that  wuz  for  the 
world  !  and  what  a  seen  that  wuz  for  Josiah  Allen's 
Wife  to  be  a-passin'  through,  watched  by  the  majes- 
tic figger  of  Woman. 

The  green,  tree-dotted  terraces  bloomin'  with 
flowers  a-risin'  up  from  the  blue  water,  and  above 
the  verdent  terraces  the  tall  white  walls  of  them 
gorgeous  palaces,  a-risin'  up  with  colonades,  and 
statutes,  and  arabesques,  and  domes,  and  pinnacles, 
and  on  the  smooth  white  path  that  lay  in  front  of 
'em,  and  on  every  side  of  'em,  the  hull  world 
a-walkin'  and  a-admirin'  the  seen  jest  as  much  as  we 
did.  And  if  there  wuzn't  everything  else  to  look 
at  and  admire,  the  looks  of  that  crowd  wuz  enough 
full  enough — for  one  pair  of  eyes  ;  for  they  wuz 
frarn  every  country  of  the  globe,  and  dressed  in 
every  fashion  from  Eve,  and  her  men  folks,  down  to 
the  fashions  of  to-day. 

And  anon  we  would  come  to  a  bridge  gracefully 
arched  over  the  water,  and  float  under  it,   and  then 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  249 

sail  on,  and  on,  and  on,  past  the  vast  palace  45  acres 
big,  and  every  single  acre  of  'em  majestic  and 
beautiful  more  than  tongue  can  tell  or  give  any  idee 
on,  and  then  by  some  more  of  them  matchless  mar- 
vels of  housen  crowned  with  pinnacles,  and  domes, 
and  vvavin'  banners,  and  then  by  the  electrical  build- 
in',  with  white  towers,  and  battlements,  and  sculp- 
tured loveliness,  on  one  side  of  us,  and,  on  the  other, 
that  beautiful  Wooded  Island,  that  is  a  hantin'  dream 
of  beauty  inside  of  a  dream  of  matchless  loveli- 
ness. 

Acres  and  acres  of  flowers  of  every  kind  and  color  ; 
the  perfume  floated  out  and  wrapped  us  round  like 
a  sweet  onseen  mantillv,  as  we  floated  past  fur  dim 
isles  of  green  trees,  with  domes  and  minarets  a-risin' 
up  above  the  billows  of  emerald  richness,  and  then 
anon,  under  another  bridge,  and  more  of  them  en- 
chantin'  wonders  of  Art,  and  on,  under  another  one, 
and  another. 

And  my  emotions  all  of  the  time  wuz  what  no 
man  might  number,  and  as  for  the  size  of  'em, 
there  hain't  no  use  of  talkin'  about  sortin'  'em  out,  or 
weighin'  'em — no  steel  yards  on  earth  could  weigh 
the  little  end  on  'em,  let  alone  weighin'  the  hull 
caboodle  of  'em. 

No  Rasfodist  that  ever  rasfodized  could  do  justice 


25O  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

to  the  transcendent  grandeur  that  shone  out  on  every 

side  of  us. 

No,  the  rasfodist  would  have  to  set  down  and 
hold  up  his  hands  before  him,  as  I  have  done  some- 
times before  a  big  pile  of  work,  when  I  have  seen  a 
wagon  load  of  visitors  a-stoppin'  at  the  gate  to  stay 
all  day. 

I  have  just  clasped  my  hands  and  sez,  "  Oh  dear 
me  !" 

Or  in  aggravated  cases  I  would  say,  mebby, 

"Oh  dear  me  suz  !" 

And  that  wuz  about  all  I  could  say  here. 

Yes,  my  feelin's,  I  do  believe,  if  they  could  have 
been  gazed  on,  would  have  been  jest  about  as  a  im- 
pressive a  sight  to  witness  as  the  Columbian  Fair. 

But  anon  my  rapt  musin's  wuz  broke  into  sudden  ; 
I  heard  as  through  a  dream  a  voice  say — 

"If  she  forgets  to  take  the  dough  off  from  the 
dry  oven,  the  pancakes  will  run  over." 

"  Pancakes  /" 

It  wuz  like  Peri  in  Paradise  callin'  for  root-beer  ; 
it  brung  me  down  to  the  world  agin,  and  anon  I 
heard  my  pardner  say — ■ 

"  Wall,  I  wish  I  had  a  few  of  'em  this  minute, 
Miss  Plank." 

Eatin'  at  such  a  time  as  this — the  idee  ! 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  25! 

But  I  wuz  brung  clear  down,  and  I  don't  know 
hut  it  wuz  jest  as  well,  for  it  wuz  time  for  us  to 
alight  from  our  hark. 

And  with  the  feelin's  I  had  ever  sence  I  started, 
I  wuz  that  riz  up  that  I  could  almost  expect  to  step 
over  the  lagoon  at  one  stride  and  swing  my  foot 
clear  over  the  hull  noble  flight  of  marble  steps, 
and  the  wide  terrace,  and  land  in  front  of  the 
Woman's  Buildin'.  With  my  head  even  with  its 
highest  cupalo,  I  wuz  fearfully  riz  up,  and  by  the 
side  of  myself. 

But  these  allusions  to  pancakes  had  brung  me 
down,  so  I  stepped  meekly  out  on  to  the  broad, 
noble  flight  of  steps,  and  the  full  beauty  of  the 
Woman's  Buildin'  riz  up  in  front  of  us. 

Even  Josiah  wuz  impressed  with  the  simple, 
noble  perfection  of  that  buildin'.      I  heard  him  say — 

"  By  Crackey  !  not  a  bit  of  lace  or  tattin'  ;  not  a 
streamer  of  ribbin.  Well  done  for  wimmen  ;  they 
have  riz  up  for  once  above  gauzes,  and  flummeries, 
and  ornaments." 

"  No,"  sez  I  ;  "  if  you  want  to  look  at  ornament, 
you  might  look  at  the  Adminstration  Buildin', 
designed  by  a  man.  Men  love  ornament,  Josiah 
Allen." 

He  quailed  ;  he  hadn't  forgot  the  pink  necktie  he 


252  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

wanted  to  adorn  himself  with,  and  the  breastpin  he 
wanted  to  put  on  that  morn  in'. 

The  waters  of  the  lagoon  in  front  of  the  buildin' 
is  as  wide  as  a  bay  ;  from  the  centre  of  this  rises  the 
grand  landin'  and  staircase,  leadin'  to  a  terrace  six- 
feet  above  the  water. 

The  first  terrace  is  laid  out  in  glowin'  flower-beds, 
and  anon,  green  nowerin'  shrubs,  above  which  the 
ivory  white  balustrade  shines  out,  separatin'  it  from 
the  upper  terrace. 

And  along  the  upper  terrace,  about  one  hundred 
feet  back,  the  beautiful  Woman's  Buildin'  rises, 
with  a  background  of  stately  old  oak  trees. 

This  most  artistic  and  beautiful  buildin'  consists 
of  a  centre  pavilion,  flanked  at  each  end  by  corner 
pavilions,  connected  by  open  corridors  forming  a 
sheltered  and  beautiful  walk  the  hull  length  of  the 
structure.  On  goin'  through  a  wide  lobby  you 
come  into  a  vast  open  rotunda  reachin'  clear  up  to 
the  top  of  the  buildin',  where  the  sunlight  falls  down 
most  graciously  through  a  richly  ornamented  sky- 
light. This  rotunda  is  surmounted  by  a  two-story 
open  arcade,  as  delicate  and  refined  in  its  beauty  as 
the  outside  of  the  buildin',  givin'  light  and  air  in 
abundance  to  all  of  the  rooms  openin'  into  the  in- 
terior space.      On  the  first  floor,  on  the  right  hand. 


SAMANTTIA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  253 

is  located  a  model  kindergarten  ;  on  the  left,  a  model 
horsepital.  You  see,  these  two  things  arc  attended 
to  the  first  thing  by  wimmen. 

Wimmen  have  always  had  to  take  time  by  the 
forelock  and  do  the  most  important  things  first,  or 
she  never  would  be  done  with  her  work. 

Before  she  tackled  the  ironin',  or  dishwashin',  or 
piecin'  up  bedquilts,  or  knittin',  she  has  always  had 
to  dress,  and  nurse,  and  take  care  of  the  children, 
make  them  comfortable,  and  take  care  of  the  sick  ; 
had  to,  or  it  wouldn't  be  done. 

And  she  wuzn't  goin'  to  stop  her  good,  tender, 
motherly  doin's  here — not  at  all.  No;  the  children, 
the  future  hope  of  our  country,  the  Lord's  work  laid 
onto  mothers,  is  on  the  right  side. 

Here  arc  shown  the  very  latest  and  best  helps  in 
takin'  care  and  trainin'  up  these  little  immortals, 
teachin'  them  to  be  good  first,  and  then  wise,  and 
healthy  all  the  time — the  most  important  work  in 
the  hull  world,  in  my  estimation  ;  for  the  children 
we  spank  to-day  will  hold  the  destinies  of  the 
human  race  in  their  hands  to-morrow. 

Yes,  on  the  right  hand  the  children  ;  on  the  left 
hand  is  a  model  horsepital,  not  merely  a  exhibit, 
but  a  real  horsepital,  at  full  work  in  its  blessed  and 
sanctified     labor,    a-takin'     care     of   the     sick     and 


254  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

smoothin'  the  brows  racked  with  agony,  alleviatin' 
the  distresses  of  the  frame  racked  with  pain. 

What  another  good  work  !  Can  a  man  show  any- 
thing at  their  hull  Columbus  World's  Fair — anything 
that  will  equal  these  two  blessed  labors  ? 

No ;  he  can  show  lots  of  knowledge  and  wisdom, 
and  he  can  show  guns,  and  cannons,  and  pistols, 
boey-knives,  to  cut  and  slash  ;  but  it  is  woman's 
work  (blessed  angel  that  she  is,  a  good  deal  of  the 
time),  it  is  them  that  shows  this  broad,  efficient  sys- 
tem of  relieving  the  hurts  and  distresses  of  the 
world.  Besides  the  most  skilled  of  our  own  country, 
foreign  nations  send  their  best-trained  nurses  from 
their  trainin'  schools,  showin'  the  latest  and  most 
perfect  methods  of  relievin'  pain  and  agony. 

And  not  contented  with  showin'  off  here  what 
they  could  do,  and  how  they  do  it — not  content  with 
makin'  this  one  big  room  a  perfect  nest  for  female 
good  Samaritans — a  carin'  for  the  sick  and  dyin' — 

They  have  soared  out  of  this  room — 60  by  80 
feet  couldn't  confine  'em — they  have  located  all 
over  the  grounds  horsepitals  to  care  for  them  who 
are  took  sick  here  at  Columbuses  doin's,  and,  good 
creeters,  I  suppose  they  will  have  their  hands  full, 
specially  in  dog  days. 

Yes,  woman  begun   her  work   jest  as  she  ort  to. 


SamanTha  at  the  worlds  fair.  255 

right  on  the  ground  floor— on  the  right,  the  children  ; 
on  the  left,  the  sick  and  helpless. 

Right  opposite  the  main  front  is  the  library,  fur- 
nished by  the  wimmen  of  New  York.  It  is  one  of 
the  largest  and  finest  rooms  in  the  house,  and  every 
book  in  it  writ  by  a  woman. 

And  right  here  I  see  my  own  books  ;  there  they 
wuz  a-standin'  up  jest  as  noble  and  pert  as  if  they 
wuz  to  home  in  the  what-not  behind  the  parlor  door, 
not  a-feelin'  the  least  mite  put  out  before  princes,  or 
zars.  A-standin'  jest  as  straight  in  front  of  a  king 
as  a  cow-boy,  not  a-humpin'  themselves  up  in  the 
latter  instance,  or  a-meachin'  in  the  more  former 
one. 

I  felt  proud  on  'em  to  see  their  onbroken  dignity 
and  simplicity  of  mean.  And,  thinkses  I,  the  de- 
meanor of  them  books  is  a  lesson  to  Republics — how 
to  act  before  Royalties  ;  not  a-backin'  up  and  a-actin', 
not  put  out  a  mite,  not  forward,  and  not  too  back- 
ward— jest  about  megum. 

A-keepin'  right  on  in  their  own  spear,  jest  as  usial, 
not  intrudin'  themselves  and  a-pushin',  but  ready  to 
greet  'em  and  give  'em  the  best  there  wuz  in  'em,  if 
occasion  called  for  it,  and  then  ready  to  bid  'em  a 
calm,  well-meanin'  farewell  when  the  time  come  to 
part. 


256  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

It  wuz  a  great  surprise  to  me,  and  how  they  got 
there  wuz  a  mystery.  But  I  spoze  the  nation  col- 
lected 'em  together  and  sot  'em  up  there  because  it 
sets  such  a  store  by  me.  It  is  dretful  fond  of  me, 
the  nation  is,  and  well  it  may  be.  I  have  stood  up 
for  it  time  and  agin,  and  then  I've  done  a  sight  for 
it  in  the  way  of  advisin'  and  bracin'  it  up. 

As  1  stood  and  looked  at  them  books  I  got  car- 
ried a  good  ways  off  a-ridin'  on  Wonder — a-wonderin' 
whether  them  books  had  done  any  good  in  the 
world. 

I'd  wanted  'em  to,  I'd  wanted  'cm  to  like  a  dog. 
Sometimes  I'd  felt  real  riz  up  a-thinkin'  they  had, 
and  then  agin  I've  felt  dubersome. 

But  I  knew  they  had  gin  great  enjoyment,  I'd 
hearn  on't.  Why,  the  minister  up  to  Zoar  had  told 
me  of  as  many  as  seven  relations  of  hisen,  who, 
when  they  wuz  run  down  and  weak,  and  had 
kinder  lost  their  minds,  had  jest  clung  to  them 
books. 

In  softenin'  of  the  brain  now,  or  bein'  kicked  on 
the  head,  or  nateral  brain  weakness — why,  them 
books  are  invaluable,  so  I  spoze. 

But  to  resoom.  The  corner  pavilion,  like  all  the 
rest  of  the  buildin',  have  each  a  open  colonade 
above  the  main  cornice.      Here  are  the  hangin'  gar- 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  257 

dens,  and  also  the  committee  rooms  of  the  lady 
managers. 

This  palace  of  beauty  wuz  designed  by  a  woman — ■ 
woman  has  got  to  have  the  credit  for  everything 
about  it. 

A  woman  designed  the  hull  buildin'  ;  a  woman 
modelled  the  riggers  that  support  the  ruff ;  a  woman 
won  fairly  in  competition  the  right  to  decorate  the 
cornice.  The  interior  decoration,  much  of  it  carved 
work,  is  done  by  wimmen  ;  panels  wuz  carved  by 
wimmen  all  over  the  country  and  brought  here  to 
decorate  the  walls. 

And  not  only  decorated,  but  in  a  good  many 
rooms  the  wood-work  wuz  finished  by  wimmen. 
California  has  a  room  walled  and  ceiled  with  red- 
wood by  wimmen. 

And  wimmen  of  all  the  States,  from  Maine  and 
Florida,  have  joined  to  make  the  place  beautiful. 
Even  the  Indian  wimmen  made  richly  embroidered 
hangin's  for  the  doors  and  windows. 

The  wimmen  managers  wuz  the  first  wimmen 
that  wuz  ever  officially  commissioned  by  Congress, 
and  never  have  wimmen  swung  out  so,  or,  to  be 
poetical,  never  have  they  cut  so  wide  and  broad  a 
swath  on  the  seedy  old  fields  of  Time,  as  they  do  to 
this  Fair.      They  can   exhibit   with   the   best  of  the 


258  SAMANTIIA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

contestants,  men  or  wimmen,  and  by  act  of 
Congress  represent  their  own  sect  on  the  Jury  of 
Award. 

Congress  did  the  fair  thing  by  wimmen  in  this 
matter.  Let  him  step  up  one  step  higher  on  the 
hill  of  justice,  and  gin  'em  the  right  to  set  on  the 
jury  of  award  or  punishment  when  their  own  honor 
is  at  the  stake. 

It  has  let  wimmen  tell  which  is  the  best  piece  of 
woosted  work,  or  tattin'  ;  now  let  her  he  judged  by 
her  peers  when  life  or  death  is  the  award  meted 
out  to  'em.      But  to  resoom. 

The  Gallery  of  Honor  is  the  centre  hall  of  the 
buildin',  and  runs  almost  the  entire  length,  and 
openin'  out  of  it  is  the  display  that  shows  that 
wimmen  wuz  really  the  first  inventors  and  producers 
of  what  wuz  useful  as  well  as  beautiful,  and  that 
men  took  up  the  work  when  money  could  be 
made    from    it. 

Here  is  the  work  of  the  first  and  rudest  people, 
but  all  made  by  female  wimmen — the  rough,  hard 
buds  of  beauty  and  labor ;  and  in  the  Central 
hall,  like  these  buds  open  in  full  bloom  and  beauty, 
is  the  fruit  of  the  most  advanced  thought  and  genius. 

The  interior  glows  with  soft  and  harmonious 
colors,  and  chaste  ornamentation. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  259 

Mrs.  Candace  Wheeler,  of  New  York,  had 
charge  of  the  decoration,  which  is  sayin'  enough 
for  its  beauty,  if  you  didn't  say  anything  else,  and 
Illinois  and  the  rest  of  the  world  wuz  grand  helpers 
in  the  work  of  beauty. 

The  Gallery  of  Honor,  the  central  hall  of  the 
buildin',  runs  almost  the  entire  length.  The  noble, 
harmonious  beauty  of  this  room  strikes  you  as  you 
first  enter,  some  as  it  would  if  you  come  up  sudden 
out  of  the  woods,  a-facin'  a  gorgeous  sunset — or  sun- 
risin',  I  guess,  would  be  a  suitabler  metafor. 

The  colorin'  of  this  room  is  ivory  and  gold, 
in  delicate  and  beautiful  designs.  But  the  pictures 
that  cover  the  walls  adds  the  bright  tints  neccessary 
to  make  the  hull  picture  perfect. 

The  beautiful  panels  on  the  side  walls  are  the 
work  of  American  artists.  One,  on  the  west  side, 
by  Amanda  Brewster  Sewall,  represents  an  Alge- 
rian pastural  seen,  showing  country  maids  tendin' 
their  Hocks  ;  which  proves  that  Algerian  girls  arc 
first-rate  lookin',  and  that  dumb  brutes  in  Algeria, 
though  it  is  so  fur  from  Jonesville,  have  got  to 
be  tended  to,  and  that  wimmen  have  got  to  tend  to 
'em  a  good  deal  of  the  time. 

The  other  paintin',  on  the  same  side,  is  the  work 
of  Miss  Fairchild,  of  Boston,  and  it  shows  our  old 


260  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

Puritan  4  Mothers  hard  to  work,  a-takin'  care  of 
their  housen  and  doin'  up  the  work.  Likely  old 
creeters  they  wuz,  and  industrius. 

Opposite,  on  the  east  side,  is  a  panel  by  Mrs. 
Lydia  Emmet  Sherwood — another  group  of  wim- 
men  ;  good-lookin'  wimmen  they  be,  all  on  'em. 
And  the  other  panel,  by  Miss  Lydia  Emmet,  shows 
the  interior  of  a  studio,  with  young  females  a-studyin' 
different  arts  that  are  useful  and  ornamental,  and 
calculated  to  help  themselves  and  the  world  along. 
At  the  north  end  of  this  great  gallery  is  a  large 
panel  by  Mrs.  MacMonnies,  wife  of  the  sculptor, 
representin'  Primitive  Wimmen.  A-showin',  plain  as 
nobody  less  gifted  than  she  could,  jest  how  primi- 
tive wimmen  used  to  be. 

Opposite,  on  the  south  side,  is  a  companion  piece 
by  Miss  Cassette,  of  Paris,  called  Modern  Wimmen, 
and  a-showin'  up  first  rate  how  fur  wimmen  have 
emerged  from  the  shadders  of  the  past. 

The  centre  panel  depicters  a  orchard  covered  with 
bright  green  grass,  and  graceful  female  wimmen 
a-gatherin'  apples  offen  the  tree. 

Apples  of  knowledge,  I  spoze,  but  different  from 
Eve's — fur  different ;  these  wuz  peaceful  Knowledge, 
Literature,  Art,  and  all  beautiful  and  useful  indus- 
tries. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  261 

A  smaller  panel  describes  Music  and  Dancin'  in 
a  charmin'  way. 

On  the  other  side  of  the  central  panel  are  several 
maidens  pursuin'  a  flyin'  figger. 

Mebby  it  wuz  the  Ideal.  If  it  wuz,  I  wuz  glad 
to  see  them  young  females  a-follerin'  it  up  so  clost. 
But  girls  will  be  more  apt  to  catch  her,  when  they 
leave  off  cossets,  and  long  trains,  and  high-heeled 
shoes  (metafor).  But  these  seemed  to  be  a-doin' 
the  best  they  could,  anyway. 

A  border  in  rich  colors  went  all  round  the  pic- 
ture, and  in  the  corners  wuz  medallions  all  full  of 
sweet  babies — perfect  cherubs  of  loveliness. 

In  some  things  the  picture  mebby  could  have 
been  bettered  a  little — mebby  the  ladder  wuzn't 
quite  stiddy  enough — mebby  I  should  ruther  have 
not  dumb  up  it.  But  the  colorin'  of  the  pieture  is 
superb.  So  rich  and  gorgus  that  it  put  me  in 
mind  of  our  own  Jonesville  woods  in  September, 
when  you  look  off  into  the  maple  forests,  and  your 
eyes  would  fairly  be  dazzled  with  the  blaze  of  the 
colors,  if  they  wuzn't  so  soft  and  rich,  and  blended 
into  each  other  so  perfect. 

Yes,  Miss  Cassette  done  real  well,  and  so  did 
Mrs.  MacMonnies,  too. 

And  nil  round  this  room  hung  pictures  that  filled 


262  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

me  with  delight,  and  the  proudest  kind  of  pride,  to 
think  my  own  sect  had  done  'em  all— had  branched 
out  into  such  noble  and  beautiful  branchin's,  for  the 
statutes  wuz  jest  as  impressive  as  the  pictures. 
There  wuz  one  statute  in  the  centre  of  the  main 
corridor  that  I  liked  especially. 

It  wuz  Maud  Muller.  As  I  looked  on  Maud,  I 
thought  I  could  say  with  the  Judge,  when  he  first 
had  a  idee  of  payin'  attention  to  her — 

"  A  sweeter  face  I  ne'er  have  seen."  And  I 
thought,  too,  I  could  read  in  Maud's  face  a  sort  of  a 
sad  look,  as  if  the  shadder  Pride,  and  Fate,  held  above 
her,  wuz  sort  o'  shadin'  her  now.  Miss  Blanche 
Nevins  done  first  rate,  and  I'd  loved  to  told  her  so. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  statute  of  Elaine  that 
rousted  up  about  every  emotion  I  had  by  me. 

There  she  wuz,  "  Elaine  the  fair,"  the  lovable,  the 
lily  maid  of  Astolot. 

I  always  thought  a  sight  of  her,  and  I've  shed 
many  a  tear  over  her  ontimely  lot.  I  knew  she 
thought  more  of  Mr.  Lancelot  than  she'd  ort  to, 
specially  he  bein'  in  love  with  a  married  woman  at 
the  same  time. 

Her  face  looked  noble,  and  yet  sweet,  riz  up  jest 
as  it  must  have  been  when  she  argued  with  her  pa 
about  the  man  she  loved. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  263 

"  Never    yet    was    noble    man,    but    made  ignoble 
talk  ; 
He  makes  no  friends  who  never  made  a  foe." 

And  down  under  the  majesty  of  her  mean  wuz 
the  tenderness  and  pathos  of  her  own  little  song  ; 
for,  as  Alfred  Tennyson  said,  and  said  well,  "  Sweetly 
could  she  make,  and  sing." 

"  Sweet  is  true  love,  though  given  in  vain,  in  vain  ; 
And  sweet  is  Death,  who  puts  an  end  to  pain. 
I  know  not  which  is  sweeter — no,  not  I." 

There  wuzn't  hardly  a  dry  eye  in  my  head  as  I 
stood  a-lookin'  at  Elaine. 

And  jest  at  this  wropped  moment  I  heard  some 
voices  nigh  me  that  I  recognized  a-sayin'  in  glad  and 
joyous  axents,  "  How  do  you  do,  Josiah  Allen's 
Wife  ?" 

I  turned  and  met  seven  glad  extended  hands,  and 
thirteen  eves  lookin'  at  mine,  in  joyous  welcome, 
besides  one  glass  eye  (and  you  couldn't  tell  the 
difference,  it  wuz  so  nateral — Oren  bought  the  best 
one  money  could  git  when  his  nigh  eye  wuz  put  out 
by  a  steer  gorin'  it).  Yes,  it  wuz  Oren  Rumble  and 
Lateza,  his  wife,  and  the  hull  of  the  family — the  five 
girls,  Barthena,  Calfurna,  Dalphina,  Albiny,  and 
Lateza, 


264  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

But  what  a  change  had  svvep'  over  the  family 
sence  I  had  last  looked  on  'em  ! 

I  could  hardly  believe  my  two  eyes  when  I  looked 
at  their  costooms,  for  the  hull  family  had  dressed  in 
black  for  upwards  of  'leven  years,  and  Jonesvillians 
had  got  jest  as  ust  to  seein'  'em  as  they  wuz  a-seein' 
a  flock  of  crows  in  the  spring. 

And  I  do  declare  it  wuz  jest  as  surprisin'  to  me 
to  see  the  way  they  wuz  rigged  out  as  it  would  be 
to  see  a  lot  of  crows  a-settlin'  down  on  our  corn- 
field with  red  and  yeller  tail  feathers. 

To  home  they  didn't  go  nowhere,  only  to  meetin' 
— the  mother  bein'  very  genteel,  comin'  down  as  she 
did  from  a  very  old  and  genteel  family.  Dretful 
blue  blood  I  spoze  her  folks  had — blue  as  indigo,  I 
spoze.  And  she  didn't  think  it  wuz  proper  to  go 
into  society  in  mournin'  clothes — she  thought  it 
would  make  talk  for  mourners  to  git  out  and  enjoy 
themselves  any  in  crape. 

Oren  wuz  naterally  of  a  lively  disposition,  and 
loved  to  visit  round,  and  it  made  it  bad  for  him. 
But  he  felt  quite  proud  of  marryin'  such  a  aristo 
cratic  woman,  and  so  he  had  to  take  the  bitter  with 
the  sweet. 

Besides  their  bein'  so  old,  she  had  come  from 
a  mournin'  family — her  folks  always  mourned  for 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR.  265 

everybody  and  everything  they  could.  (You  know 
some  families  are  so,  and  I  spoze  they  git  some 
comfort  out  of  it.  And  black  duz  look  real  re- 
spectable, but  considerable  gloomy.) 

Their  house  wuz  always  shet  up,  and  Oren 
walked  round  (rebellin'  inside)  under  a  mournin' 
weed. 

And  the  six  wimmen  was  all  swathed  in  crape, 
and  the  hull  house  smelt  of  crape  and  logwood. 

As  I  sez  more  formally,  Lateza  was  brung  up  to  it. 
She  wuz  ready  to  mourn  on  the  slightest  pretext, 
and  mourn  jest  as  long  and  stiddy  as  possible. 

Wall,  black  wuz  becomin'  to  her.  Bein'  tall  and 
spindlin',  black  sot  her  off,  and  crape  draperies  sort 
o'  rounded  off  her  figger  and  made  her  look  some 
impressive. 

And  she  loved  to  stay  at  home — she  wuz  made 
that  way. 

Rut  I  always  felt  that  if  she  wanted  to  make  a 
raven  of  herself  for  life,  she  no  need  to  dye  the 
feathers  of  the  hull  family  in  logwood,  and  tie  'em 
all  up  clost   to  the  nest. 

Oren  had  chafed  aginst  it  bitterly,  but  he  bore 
the  sable  yoke  until  the  youngest  girl,  Lateza  (and 
mebby  she  inherited  some  of  the  aristocratic  sotness 
of  her  mother  with  the  name) — 


266  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Anyway,  when  she  come  home  from  school  she 
come  dressed  in  gay  colors.  She  had  on  a  yeller 
woosted  dress  with  sky-blue  trimmin's,  a  pink  hat,  a 
lilock  veil,  and  a  bunch  of  tlowers  in  her  bosom — 
too  many  colors  to  look  well,  but  she  did  it  to 
break  her  yoke. 

This  kinder  stunted  the  mother,  so  she  wuz  easi- 
er to  handle,  bein'  kinder  dazed. 

So  they  took  her  off  to  a  Christian  Science  meet- 
in',  and  got  her  converted  the  first  thing. 

This  broke  her  chain,  for  they  don't  believe  in 
mournin'  as  one  without  hope,  and  they  believe  in 
wanderin'  round  and  seein'  the  beautiful  world  all 
you  can,  andtakin'  some  comfort  while  you  are  in  it. 

So  while  the  zeal  of  the  convert  wuz  on  her,  and 
she  didn't  feel  like  disputin',  the  girls  made  her  some 
red  dresses,  and  some  yeller  ones,  and  had  some 
white  streamers  put  onto  a  white  bunnet  she  had. 
And  they  bought  themselves  the  most  gorgeous 
and  gay  clothin'  Jonesville  and  Loontown  afforded. 
Oren  is  well  off,  and  he  wouldn't  stent  'em  in  such  a 
cause  as  this— no,  indeed  ! 

And  Oren  bought  some  bright,  gay-lookin'  suits, 
and  some  brilliant  neckties — pale  blue  silk,  with  red 
polka  dots  on  'em,  and  some  otter-colored  ones. 

He  had   on  the    day  we    met  him  a  bright  plaid 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR.  267 

suit  and  a  red  necktie  spangled  with  yeller,  hangin' 
out  kinder  loose  in  front. 

And  Oreii  bought  a  three-seated  carriage,  and 
they  jest  scoured  the  hull  country — went  to  all  the 
parties  they  could  hear  on,  and  the  fairs,  and  camp- 
meetin's,  and  such.  They  wuz  on  the  go  the  hull 
time  ;  and  Lateza  Alzina  got  to  likin'  it  as  much  as 
Oren  did. 

I  don't  spoze  they  wuz  to  home  hardly  enough 
to  eat  their  meals  whilst  they  wuz  in  Jonesville  ; 
they  had  a  good  hired  girl,  so  they  wuz  free  to  wan- 
der all  they  wuz  a  mind  to. 

This  summer  Lateza  Alzina  told  me  that  they 
had  been  up  to  the  upper  end  of  Canada  and  Brit- 
ish America  on  a  tower,  and  come  home  round  by 
Lake  Champlain,  and  Lake  George,  and  Saratoga  ; 
they'd  stayed  there  three  weeks,  and  then  they  went 
home  and  hurried  and  got  ready  for  the  Fair.  They 
come  the  first  day  it  wuz  opened  in  the  mornin',  and 
laid  out  to  go  home  the  last  day  of  the  Fair  along  in 
the  night,  so  Oren  said. 

They  all  looked  real  happy,  but  some  fagged  out 
from  seein'  so  much. 

I'm  dretful  afraid  that  the  pendulum,  havin'  swung 
too  fur  on  one  side,  is  a-goin'  too  fur  on  the  other  ; 
it  is  nater. 


268  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

But  mebby  they'll  settle  down  and  be  more  me- 
gum  when  the  pendulum  gits  kinder  settled  down 
some,  and  its  vibration  ceases  to  be  so  vibratin'. 

Anyway,  I'm  glad  to  see  'em  a-steppin'  out  of 
their  weeds,  and  I  told  'em  so. 

Sez  I,  "You  wuz  in  mournin'  a  awful  while, 
wuzn't  you  ?" 

Oren  fairly  gritted  his  teeth,  and  before  Lateza 
Alzina  could  speak,  he  busted  out — 

"  By  Yum  !  I've  mourned  all  I'm  a-goin'  to!  I've 
staid  penned  up  in  the  house  all  I'm  a-goin'  to  ! 

"  I've  quit  it,  by  Yum  !  First  my  stepfather  passed 
away.  I  never  liked  him — he  always  imposed  on 
me  ;  but  we  all  went  into  deep  mournin',  staid  out  of 
society — jest  shet  ourselves  up  in  a  black  jail  for  years. 

"Then  my  mother-in-law  left  me — -then  three 
years  more  of  solid  black  and  solid  stayin'  to  home. 

"Then,  at  the  end  of  the  third  year,  we  kinder 
quit  off  and  begun  to  creep  out  a  little  and  kinder 
lighten  ourselves  up  a  little  ;  but  then  my  wife's 
brother  that  she  never  see  died  way  out  to  Califor- 
nia and  left  a  big  property,  but  not  a  cent  to  us. 

"  But  the  rest  of  the  family  wanted  to  mourn,  so 
my  wife  had  to  foller  on  and  mourn  too. 

"And  there  it  wuz  agin,  another  time  of  gloom — 
another  time  of  stayin'  to  home. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  269 

"  Time  after  time,  jest  as  we  got  out  a  little,  we 
had  to  plunge  back  into  gloom  agin. 

"But  now  we're  out  of  it,  and  by  Heavens  and 
earth  we're  a-goin'  to  stay  out  !  There  hain't  a-goin' 
to  be  any  more  mournin'  done  in  this  family — not  if  1 
know  myself,  there  hain't." 

But  I  sez,  "  Oren,  don't  talk  so  ;  folks  have  to 
mourn  ;  this  is  a  World  of  trials,  and  grief  is  nateral 
to  it." 

"Wall,  I'll  mourn  in  pepper  and  salt,  and  I'll 
mourn  out-doors.  I  hain't  a-goin'  to  wind  myself 
up  in  crape,  and  shet  myself  up  in  a  black  hole  no 
more,  mourn  or  not  mourn. 

"And  I'm  a-goin'  to  laugh  when  I  want  to." 
And  he  jest  laid  his  head  back  and  bust  out  into  a 
horse-laugh  at  nothin'. 

But  they  didn't  seem  to  mind  it ;  I  guess  they  wuz 
ust  to  it,  and  the  girls  kinder  put  in  and  laughed 
too.  Lateza  Alzina  didn't  laugh  out  loud,  but  she 
kinder  snickered  some. 

It  made  me  feel  queer. 

I  see — I  see  the  truth  ;  the  bow  had  been  drawed 
too  tight  back,  and  now  it  wuz  a-goin'  to  shoot  too 
fur — way  over  the  mark. 

But  still  I  felt  that  Oren  had  some  truth  on  his 
side. 


2/0  SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

And  I  sez,  "  I  always  felt  that  you  shet  yourselves 
up  too  much  and  mourned  too  deep." 

"Wall,"  sez  Lateza  Alzina,  "my  folks  always 
brung  me  up  to  think  that  it  would  be  apt  to  make 
talk  if  folks  went  out  any  while  they  wuz  in  black." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  always  felt  that  folks  had 
better  set  down  and  calculate  which  would  be  the 
most  agreeable  to  'em,  to  shet  themselves  up  and  lose 
their  health,  and  die,  or  to  let  folks  talk. 

"  And  then  act  on  them  thoughts,  and  do  as  they 
want  to  with  fear  and  tremblin'. 

"And,"  sez  I,  "  folks  would  talk  whilst  you  wuz 
dyin',  anyway  ;  you  can't  keep  folks  from  talkin'." 
Sez  I,  "  Like  as  not  they'd  say  it  wuz  a  guilty 
conscience  that  made  you  droop  round  and  stay  to 
home  so." 

"Wall,"  sez  Lateza  Alzina,  "I  wuz  brought  up 
to  think  that  it  showed  so  much  respect  to  them 
that  wuz  gone  to  stay  to  home  in  blaek." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  if  the  ones  that  wuz  gone  loved 
you,  they  would  want  you  to  git  all  the  consolation 
you  could  whilst  you  wuz  parted.  Jest  as  a  mother 
lets  her  child  have  some  picture-books  to  comfort  it 
while  she  leaves  it  a  spell. 

"And  if  you  loved  them,"  sez  I,  "their  memory 
would  go  out-doors  with  you,  and  go  back  into   the 


SAMAXTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  2J\ 

house  with  you.  You  would  see  the  beloved  faee 
lookin'  down  at  you  from  every  mountain  you  would 
climb,  and  the  shadder  of  their  form  would  seem  to 
appear  in  the  mist  of  every  valley.  Every  sunset 
would  gleam  with  the  smilin'  light  of  their  eyes, 
and  every  sunrise  would  begen  to  you,  tellin'  you 
that  one  more  nigfht  had  rane,  and  vou  wuz  so 
much  nearer  to  the  Eternal  Reunion. 

"  Folks  don't  have  to  stay  indoors  to  remember, 
Lateza.  I  have  remembered  folks  out-doors,  it 
seems  to  me,  more  than  I  ever  did  in  the  house. 

"  And  the  voice  you  loved  would  seem  to  be  a-tellin' 
you,  '  Keep  well,  beloved,  so  vou  can  do  some  of 
my  day's  work  I  had  to  lay  down,  as  well  as  your 
own,  and  the  meetin'  will  be  all  the  gladder  and 
more  joyous.' 

"  And  as  for  putthf  on  black,  the  dear  remembered 
voice  seems  to  be  a-sayin'  to  me,  '  Don't  put  on  the 
symbol  of  sorrow  for  one  who  has  found  the  very 
secret  of  happiness,  whet  has  left  the  dark  shadders 
and  has  gone  into  the  great  brightness.  Don't  carry 
the  idee  to  the  world  that  you  have  lost  me,  for  I 
am  nearer  to  you  than  I  ever  could  have  been  on 
earth,  for  the  clay  lias  only  fell  off  from  my  soul, 
leavin'  the  barrier  but  thin  indeed  between  us  now. 

"'Don't    act  as  if  vou  wuz  mournin'  for  me,  dear 


272  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

heart.  Let  the  world  see  your  thought,  see  the 
truth  we  both  know,  by  its  reflection   in  your  face.' 

"These  are  my  idees,  Lateza  Alzina,"  sez  I  ;  "  but 
howsumever,  in  this,  as  in  every  other  matter  that 
don't  have  any  moral  wickedness  in  it,  let  everybody 
be  fully  persuaded  in  their  own  mind,  if  they  have 
got  a  mind,  and  do  as  they  want  to,  if  they  know 
what  they  want  to  do." 

Oren  had  looked  real  tickled  all  the  while  I  had 
been  speakin'.  And  he  stood  there  on  his  bright 
plaid  legs,  and  smoothed  out  the  ends  of  his  gor- 
geous necktie  with  his  veller  gloved  hand,  a  happy 
and  triumphant  mean  onto  him. 

And  the  girls  and  their  ma  stood  round  him  like 
a  flock  of  gay-plumaged  birds,  or  a  bokay  of  brilliant 
blossoms,  and  seemed  real  happified  and  contented. 

Wall,  they  wuz  a-boardin'  way  out  to  the  other 
end  of  the  city,  almost  'leven  milds  from  there,  so 
they  had  to  leave  middlin'  early. 

And  they  all  come  back  in  the  evenin',  they  said. 
"They  boarded  a  good  ways  out — they  enjoyed  the 
ride  so  much  a-goin'  and  comin'." 

Sometimes  I'm  afraid  the  pendulum  will  break 
down,  it  swings  so  fur,  and  then  agin  I  don't  know. 

But  anyway,  they  bid  me  a  glad  adoo,  and  the 
proud  and  gay  Oren  led  his  brood  off. 


SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  2/3 

And  to  resoom. 

The  English  Vestibule  is  decorated  with  panels 
painted  by  the  wimmen  of  that  country.  There 
wuz  one  by  Mrs.  Swimerton,  of  London,  that  ap- 
pealed strong  to  my  heart ;  it  was  a  seen  from  the 
temporary  hospital  at  Scutori. 

Florence  Nightingale  stood  in  the  foreground — 
good,  pityin'  female  angel  that  she  wuz — and  all 
round  her  lay  sick  and  dyin'  soldiers,  and  she  a-doin' 
all  she  could  to  help  'em. 

This  picture,  showin'  woman  as  a  Healer  and 
Consoler,  is  in  the  centre,  as  it  ort  to  be.  On  one 
side  of  it  is  a  panel  called  Motherhood,  an  Italian 
mother  a-holdin'  a  baby  in  her  arms,  and  on  the 
other  side  is  Old  Age  and  Youth,  an  old  female 
bein'  tenderly  took  care  on  by  the  beautiful  young 
girl  who  kneels  before  her. 

On  the  other  side  of  the  vestibule  is  the  paint- 
in's  of  Mrs.  Merritt,  of  London.  The  centre  piece 
shows  a  number  of  likely  lookin'  young  females 
a-studyin'  art,  and  the  panels  on  either  side  shows 
young  girls  and  older  ones  all  a-studyin'  and  work- 
in',  and  doin'  the  best  they  could  with  what  they 
had  to  do  with. 

Dretful  upliftin'  to  my  sect  it  wuz  to  look  on 
them  pictures,  all  on  'em. 


-274  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

Wall,  if  I'd  spent  a  month  1  couldn't  begin  to 
tell  all  the  contents  of  them  rooms — the  paintin's 
and  statuary,  laces,  embroidery,  tapestry,  and  etc., 
and  etc.,  and  everything  under  the  sun,  moon,  and 
stars,  and  so  forth,  and  so  on. 

All  the  works  of  wimmen  from  the  present  age 
of  the  world  back  to  that  wonderful  book  writ  by 
the  Abbess  Herrard  in  the  twelfth  century,  which 
contains  about  all  the  knowledge  of  that  date. 

And  tapestries  wrought  by  hands  that  have  been 
dust  for  hundreds  and  hundreds  of  years.  But  the 
work  them  hands  wrought  still  remains,  giving  the 
best  descriptions  of  them  times  we  have  now,  of 
the  manners  and  customs  of  that  fur  back  time. 

They  show  off  the  part  wimmin  have  took  in 
philanthropy  in  all  ages.  They  show  that  all 
through  time  that  wimmen  have  been  a  help-meet. 
And  you  can  see  the  tender,  strong  faces  of  them 
that  have  helped  the  world. 

One  of  the  most  interestin'  things  in  the  hull 
buildin'  wuz  the  exhibit  of  the  Beneficent  Societies 
formed  by  wimmen  all  over  the  world — what  they 
have  done  in  war,  pestilence,  and  famine,  what  they 
have  done  in  wrestlin'  with  that  deadly  serpent, 
whose  folds  encompass  the  earth — the  foulest  ser- 
pent of  Intemperance.     What  my  sect  have  done 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  275 

banded  together  to  promote  liberty,  to  establish 
religion,  and  all  good  works. 

The  decoration  of  the  big  room  set  apart  for 
the  association  and  organizations  are  strikin'. 

Fifty-four  organizations  of  Christian  wimmen 
and  workers  for  righteousness  in  different  ways 
have  their  headquarters  here. 

The  Wimmen's  Christian  Temperance  Union 
makes  a  big  display  ;  from  post  to  post  is  extended 
long  links  of  pledge  cards  signed  by  boys  and 
girls  of  forty-four  countries — France,  Africa,  Japan, 
China,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

What  links  them  wuz  that  bound  them  children 
to  a  future  of  temperance  and  usefulness  !  Strong 
cords  a-spreadin'  out  to  the  very  ends  of  the  earth, 
and  a-bringin'  them  all  together  and  tyin'  'em  up 
to  the  ramparts  of  Heaven. 

Denmark  has  a  display  of  seven  little  wimmen 
a-wearin'  the  white  ribbon. 

In  the  Japanese  department  hangs  a  large  bell 
all  made  of  pipes,  and  Josiah  sez — 

"  It's  eurious  that  wimmen,  who  run  smokin'  so, 
should  have  such  a  lot  of  pipes  to  sell."  Sez  he, 
"  I'm  most  a-mind  to  buy  one,  smokin'  is  gittin' 
so  fashionable,  and  lady-like.  Mebby  you'd  better 
have  one,  Samantha." 


276  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

I  looked  at  him  witherin'ly,  but  he  didn't  seem 
to  wither  any. 

But  a  bystander  spoke  up  and  sez,  "  These  are 
the  pipes  of  opium-smokers,  who  have  given  up 
the  vile  habit.  They  wuz  collected  in  Japan  and 
presented  to  that  noble  worker,  Mary  Allen  West. " 

And  the  bell  rung  for  the  first  time  at  her  funeral 
in  way-off  Japan,  where  she  laid  down  her  sickle  on 
her  ripe  sheaves,  and  rested  from  her  labors. 

(These  last  lines  are  my  own  eppisodin  ;  he  sim- 
ply related  the  facts.) 

There  wuz  associations  on  exhibition  from  all 
the  different  countries  of  the  globe,  of  Christian 
workers  of  all  kinds,  in  organizations,  horsepitals, 
missionary  fields,  etc. — from  Loontown  clear  to 
Turkey. 

The  Turkish  Compassionate  Fund  rousted  up 
sights  of  emotions  in  me.  When  you  looked  at 
the  marvellous  Oriental  embroideries  of  the  Ma- 
hommeden  wimmen,  you  didn't  dispute  that  their 
work   has   devoloped  a  new  art. 

You  see,  them  female  Turkeys  wuz  drove  from 
their  homes  by  the  Tigers,  War,  and  Starvation, 
and  the  Baroness  Burdette  Coutts  and  Lady 
Layard  bought  the  materials  and  organized  this 
work.     There  are  two  thousand  engaged  in  it  now. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  2J] 

Madame  Zarcofif,  who  is  in  charge  of  it  now, 
has  a  medal  gin  her  by  the  Sultan,  with  "  Charity" 
engraved  on  it  in  the  language  of  the  Turkeys. 

I  couldn't  read  it,  or  Josiah.  But  she  told  us 
what  it  wuz. 

Wall,  as  I  say,  there  wuz  displays  of  every 
other  kind  of  Christian  work,  and  a-lookin'  over 
them  records,  and  seein'  the  benign  faces  of  them 
wimmen  who  had  led  on  the  fight  aginst  the 
banded  powers  of  Hell — why,  the  tears  jest  run 
down  my  face  some  like  rain  water,  and  Josiah  asked 
me   anxiously,  "  If  I  wuz  took  with  a  cramp." 

And  I  sez,  "No,  fur  from  it.  I  am  took  with 
the  sperit  of  rejoicin',  and  wonder,  and  thanks- 
giving   and  everything  else." 

And  he  sez,  "  Wall,  T  wouldn't  stand  up  and 
cry  ;  if  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  cry,  I  would  set  down 
to   it." 

And  agin  I  sez,  as  I  had  said  before,  "Josiah, 
you're    not   a  woman." 

And  he  sez,  "  No,  indeed;  you  wouldn't  catch 
a  man  a-cryin'  because  he  wuz  tickled  about  sun- 
thin'  ;  he  would  more  likely  snap  his  fingers,  and 
whistle." 

But  I  heeded  not  his  remarks,  and  we  wended 
onwards. 


278  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

And  I  see,  with  everything  else  under  the  sun, 
moon,  and  stars,  a  collection  of  all  the  kinds  of 
flowers  in  the  country,  clear  from  Maine  to  Califor- 
nia ;  and  lots  of  the  flowers  preserved  in  their 
nateral  colors. 

And  if  you  think  this  is  a  easy  job,  I  can  tell 
you  that  you  are  very  much  mistaken. 

Why,  jest  a-walkin'  over  to  Miss  Alexander 
Bobbet'ses,  acrost  lots,  I  have  come  acrost  more 
than  forty  different  kinds  of  wild  flowers,  and 
then,  when  I  got  there,  I  can't  begin  to  tell  how 
many  flowers  she  had  in  her  door-yard. 

More  than  a  hundred,  anyway ;  and  then  if  I 
come  home  by  she  that  wuz  Submit  Tewksbury — ■ 
why,  my  'rithmetic  would  fairly  gin  out  a-countin' 
before  I  got  home  ;  and  then  to  think  of  all  the 
broad  acres  of  land,  hills  and  valleys,  mountains  and 
forests  between  Oregon,  and  New  Jersey,  and 
Maine,  and  Florida,  and  California  ! 

Wuz  it  a  easv  job  that  wimmen  took  on  to  them- 
selves, then  ? 

No,  indeed;  no,  indeed  ! 

But  wimmen  are  ust  to  hard  jobs,  and  if  she 
begins  'em  she  will  carry  'em  out  and  finish  'em  ; 
as  wuz  proved  by  the  cloak  we  see  there,  made 
of  feathers,    that   took   five   years   to  make. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  2/Q 

But  when  I  go  to  talk  about  the  paintin's,  and 
statutes,  and  the  embroideries  my  sect  shows  off 
in  that  buildin',  then  agin  I  draw  deep  breaths 
full  of  praise  and  admiration,  sunthin'  like  sithes, 
only  happier  ones,  to  think  mine  eves  had  been 
permitted  to  gaze  on  the  marvels  and  wonders  my 
own  sect  had  wrought. 

And  then  I  thought  of  Isabelle,  and  I  thought  I 
would  love  to  have  her  there  to  neighbor  with ; 
thinkses  I,  if  it  hadn't  been  for  her  we  wouldn't 
have  been  discovered  at  all,  as  I  know  on,  and  then 
where  would  have  been  the  Woman's  Buildin'  ?  I 
thought  I  would  love  to  talk  it  over  with  her  ;  how, 
though  she  furnished  the  means  for  a  man  to  dis- 
cover us,  yet  four  hundred  years  had  to  wear  away 
before  men  thought  that  wimmen  wuz  capable  of 
takin'  part  in  any  Internatinal  Exposition.  I 
wanted  Isabelle  there  that  day — I  wanted  her  like 
a  dog. 

But  my  thoughts  wuz  brought  back  from  my 
rapt  contemplation  by  my  companion's  voice.  He 
sez  : 

"  By  Jocks  !  I  hadn't  no  idee  that  wimmen  had 
ever  done  so  much  work  that  is  useful  as  well  as 
ornamental."  Sez  he,  "  I  had  read  a  sight  about  the 
Lady  Managers,  and  1  had  got  the   idee  that  them 


28o 


SAMANTIIA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


ladies  couldn't  do  much  more  than  to  set  down  and 
tend  poodles,  and  knit  tattin'.  I  hadn't  no  idee 
that  they  wuz  a-goin'  to  swing  out  and  make  such  a 
show  as  this." 

Them  remarks  of  hisen  wuz  wrung  out  of  him  by 
the  glory  of  the  display,  as  the  sweet  sap  is  brung 
out  of  the  maple  trees  by  the  all- 
powerful  influence  and  glory  of 
the  spring  sun,  and  they  show 
more  plain  than  song  or  poem  of 
the  wonders  about  us. 

Josiah  don't  love  to  praise 
wimmen — he  hates  to.  But  I 
answered  him  proudly,  "  Yes,  this 
Magic  Wonder  Land  o'  beauty 
and  practical  use  wuz  wrought 
by  Sophia  Haydon,  and  other 
noble  wimmen.  They  must  have 
the  credit  for  everything  about 
it,  and  for  all  the  work  it  shows  off  within  its 
borders." 

Sez  I,  "Uncle  Sam  was  a  good-actin'  creetcr  for 
once,  anyway,  when  he  made  that  act  of  Congress 
about  the  World's  Columbian  Exposition.  He 
made  that  body  of  men  appoint  a  board  of  Lady 
Managers — two  ladies  from  each   State  and  Terri- 


JOSIAH'S     "  IDEE  " 
LADIES. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  28 1 

tory,  and  eight  lady  managers  at  large,  and  nine  at 
Chicago." 

That  name  "  Lady  Manager"  wuz  done  by  Uncle 
Sam's  over-politeness  to  the  sect,  and  I  don't  know 
as  Josiah  wuz  to  blame.  You  would  think  by  the 
name  that  them  ladies  wuz  a-settin'  in  rows  of 
gilded  chairs,  a-holdin'  a  rosy  in  their  hands. 

But,  in  fact,  amongst  them  female  managers 
there  wuz  one  hard-workin'  doctor  and  lawyer,  real- 
estate  agents,  journalists,  editors,  merchants,  two 
cotton  planters,  teachers,  artists,  farmers,  and  a  cat- 
tle queen. 

And  you'd  think  to  hear  it  talked  on  that  there 
wuz  only  eight  ladies  at  large  amongst  'em — that 
the  rest  on  'em  wuz  kinder  shet  up  and  hampered. 
But  you'd  git  that  idee  out  of  your  head  after  one 
look  in  that  Woman's  Buildin'.  You'd  think  that 
not  only  the  hull  board  of  Lady  Managers  wuz  at 
large,  but  that  every  female  woman  the  hull  length 
and  breadth  of  our  country  not  only  wuz  at  large, 
but  the  wimmen  of  the  hull  world.  Why,  con- 
nected with  this  great  work  is  not  only  the  hull 
caboodle  of  our  own  wimmen,  fur  or  near — Ameri- 
can wimmen,  every  one  on  'em  a  queen,  or  will  be- 
when  she  gits  her  rights ;  besides  them  wimmen, 
the    Ouecn    of    England's    daughter,    the    Princess 


2$2  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Christian,  is  at  the  head  of  the  British  wimmen  at 
the  Fair. 

And  Queen  Victoria  herself  has  sent  over  some 
things,  amongst  'em  them  napkins  of  hern,  spun 
and  wove  by  her  own  hands. 

What  a  lesson  for  snobbish  young  ladies,  who 
would  think  it  lowerin'  to  hem  a  napkin  !  What 
would  they  think  to  taekle  'em  in  the  flax  ?  And 
then  there  wuz  a  hat  made  by  England's  Queen,  and 
gin  to  her  grand-daughter ;  and  there  wuz  six  pic- 
tures painted  by  her,  original  sketches  from  nater. 
One  view  wuz  from  the  Queen's  own  room  at  Bal- 
moral. 

And  then  the  Princess  of  Wales  sent  a  chair  of 
carved  walnut,  upholstered  with  leather,  all  the  work 
of  her  own  hands. 

What  another  lesson  that  is  to  our  lazy,  fashion- 
able girls  !  And  Princess  Maud  of  Wales  sent  a 
embroidered  piano  stool.  And  Princess  Louise — ■ 
Miss  Lome  that  now  is — and  Princess  Beatrice 
sent  the  work  of  their  own  brains  and  hands. 

I  guess  queens  have  always  made  a  practice  of 
workin'. 

Why,  I  see  there — and  I  could  have  wept  when 
I  seen  it  if  I'd  had  the  time — an  elegant  bed- 
quilt    made  by  poor  Mary  Queen  of  Scots.     She 


RIA     SENT    OVER 
THINGS. 


set  the  last  stitches  in  it  the 
day  before  her  death. 

What  queer  stitches  them 
must  have  been — Agony 
and  Remorse  a-twistin'  the 
thread  in  the  needle  \ 

And  then  there  wax  a 
piece  of  embroidery  by 
Queen  Marie  Antoinette.  What  queer  stitches 
them  must  have  been,  if  she  could  have  seen  the 
End  ! 

And  then  there  wuz  a  portrait  of  Maria  de  Med- 
ici, Queen  of  France,  made  by  herself. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  Bible  presented  by  Queen 
Anne  to  the  Moravian  Church  of  New  York,  and 
a  Bible  of  Princess  Christian's. 

The  line  needlework  of  the  wimmen  of  Greece 
makes  a  splendid  show.  The  Queen  of  Greece  is 
at  the  head  of  their  commission. 

The  Queen  of  Italy  goes  ahead  of  all  the  other 
monarchs  ;  she  shows  her  own  private  collection  of 
lace  handkerchiefs,  and  neckties,  and  mantillys,  and 
so  forth.  And  even  her  crown  laces — them  beauti- 
ful laces  that  droop  down  over  her  regal  head-dress 
when  she  sets  with  her  crown  on,  and  her  sceptre 
held  out  in  her  hand. 


284  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

The  Queen  of  Belgium  is  at  the  head  of  their 
exposition.  And  the  German  commission  is  headed 
by  a  Princess. 

Wall,  you  see  from  what  I  have  said  that  there 
wuz  a  great  variety  of  Queens  a-showin'  off  in  that 
buildin' ;  and  as  for  Baronnesses,  and  Duchesses, 
and  Ladies,  etc.,  etc.- — why,  they  wuz  as  common 
there  as  clover  in  a  field  of  timothy.  You  felt  real 
familiar  with  'em. 

The  reception-room  of  Mrs.  Palmer,  the  beautiful 
President  of  the  Woman's  Committee,  is  a  fittin' 
room  for  the  presidin'  genius. 

All  along  the  walls  below  the  ceilin'  runs  a  de- 
sign of  roses,  scattered  and  grouped  with  exquisite 
taste.  Miss  Agnes  Pitman,  of  Cincinnati,  decorated 
that  room. 

In  Mrs.  Palmer's  office  is  a  wonderful  table  do- 
nated by  the  wimmen  of  Pennsylvania. 

In  that  table  is  cedar  from  Lebanon,  oak  from 
the  yoke  of  Liberty  Bell,  oak  from  the  good  old 
ship  Constitution,  from  Washington's  headquarters 
at  Valley  Forge,  and  wood  from  other  noted  places. 

And  none  of  the  woods  wuz  ever  put  to  better 
use  than  now,  to  hold  the  records  of  woman's  Aspi- 
rations and  Success  in  1893. 

The  ceilin'  of  the  New  York  room  wuz  designed 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  2S5 

by  Dora  Keith  Wheeler,  and  is  beautiful  and  effec- 
tive. And  the  room  is  full  of  objects  of  beauty  and 
use. 

The  gorgeous  President's  chair  from  Mexico  is  a 
sight  ;  and  so  to  me  wuz  the  chair  in  the  Kentucky 
room,  three  hundred  years  old,  that  used  to  be  sot  in 
by  old  Elder  Brewster,  of  Plymouth. 

Good  old  creeter  !  if  he  could  have  been  moved 
offen  that  rock  of  hisen  three  hundred  years  ago, 
into  this  White  City,  he  would  have  fell  out  of  that 
chair  in  a  lit — I  most  know  he  would. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  silk  flag  made  by  General 
Sheridan's  mother  when  she  wuz  eighty  years  old, 
and  a  group  of  dolls  dressed  in  costooms  illustrating 
American  history. 

And  there  wuz  a  shirt  of  old  Peter  Stuyvesent's 
and  a  baby  dress  of  De  Witt  Clinton's. 

I  never  mistrusted  that  he  wuz  ever  a  baby  till  I 
seen  that  dress.  I'd  always  thought  on  him  as  the 
first  Governor  of  New  York. 

And  speakin'  of  bains — why,  I  wuz  jest  a-lookin' 
at  that  dress  when  I  met  Miss  Job  Presley,  of  Loon- 
town. 

And  I  sez,  almost  the  first  thing,  "Where  is  youi 
baby  ?" 

And  she  sez,  "It  is    in  the    Babys'   Buildin'.      I 


286 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


have  got  a  check  for  her — one  for  her,  and  one  for 
my  umbrell."     And  she  showed  'em  to  me. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "that  is  a  good,  noble  idee  to  rest 
mothers'  tired  arms;  but  it  must  make  you  feel 
queer." 

And  she  said,  as  she  put  the  checks  back  into  her 
port-money,  "That  it  did  make  her 
feel  queer  as  a  dog." 

Wall,  there  wuz  a  table  from 
Pennsylvania,  containin'  more  than 
two  thousand  pieces  of  native  wood; 
and  there  wuz  a  Scotchwoman  with 
her  good  old  spinnin'-wheel,  and  a 
Welsh  girl  a-weavin'  cloth. 

And  inventions  of  females  of  all 
kinds,  from  a  toboggan  slide,  and  a 
svstem  of  irrigation,  and  models  of 
buildin's  of  all  kinds,  to  a  stock 
car. 
ss  job  Presley.  Why,  the  very  elevator  you  rode 

up  to  the  ruff  garden  on  wuz  made  by  a  woman. 

And  then  there  wuz  cotton  raised  and  ginned  by 
wimmen  of  the  South,  and  nets  by  the  wimmen  of 
New  Jersey,  and  fruit  raised  by  the  wimmen  of 
California — the  most  beautiful  fruit  I  ever  sot  my 
eyes  on,  and  wine  made  by  her,  too. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  287 

(I  could  have  wept  when  I  see  that,  but  presoom 
it  wuz  for  sickness. ) 

And  from  Colorado  there  wuz  tracin's  of  minin' 
surveys.  Wimmen  a-iindin'  out  things  hid  in  the 
bowels  of  the  earth  !     ()  good  land  !   the  idee  on't  ! 

And  engravin's  and  etchin's  done  by  wimmen 
way  back  to  1581. 

And  in  stamped  leather,  wall  decoration,  furni- 
ture, it  wuz  a  sight  to  see  the  noble  doin's  of  my 
sect  ;  and  a  exhibit  that  done  my  soul  good  wuz 
from  Belva  Lockwood,  admittin'  wimmen  to  practise 
in  the  Supreme  Court.  That  wuz  better  than  leather 
work,  though  that  is  worth}',  and  wuz  more  elevatin' 
to  my  sect  than  the  elevator. 

The  British  exhibit  is  arranged  splendidly  to  show 
off  wimmen's  noble  work  in  charity,  education,  man- 
afacture,  art,  literature,  etc.,  and  amongst  their  pat- 
ents is  one  for  a  fire-escape,  and  one  to  extract  gold 
from  base  metals.  Both  of  these  are  good  idees, 
as  there  can't  anybody  dispute. 

Another  exhibit  there  that  appeals  strong  to  the 
feelin'  heart  wuz  Kate  Marsdon's  Siberian  leper 
village. 

She  is  a  nurse  of  the  Red  Cross,  and  her  heart 
ached  with  pity  for  them  wretched  lepers,  in  their 
dretful  lonely  huts  in  the  forests  of  Siberia. 


283 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


Relics  of  Ka 
Marsdon. 


She  went  herself  to  see  their  awful  condition,  and 
tried  to  help  'em  ;  she  raised  money  herself  for 
horsepitals  and  nurses. 

Here   is  a   model    of    the    village,  with 
church,  horsepital,  schoolhouse,  store,  and 
cottages   for  them  that   are  able   to  work. 
Here  is   the  saddle  she  wore  durin'  her 
long,   dretful  journey  to  Siberia,   and  the 
knife  she  carried,  and  some  of  the  miser- 
able, hard  black  bread  she  had  to  eat. 
Here   are   letters   to    her    from   Queen    Victoria, 
and  the  Empress  of  Russia. 

But  a  Higher  Power  writ  to  her,  writ  on  her 
heart,  and  went  with  her  acrost  the  dark  fields  of 
snow  and  ice. 

Wall,  after  lookin'  at  everything  under  the  sun, 
from  a  Lion's  Head,  by  Rosa  Bonhuer,  to  a  piece  of 
bead-work  by  a  Injun,  and  every  queer  and  beautiful 
Japan  thing  vou  ever  thought  on,  or  ever  didn't 
think  on,  and  everything  else  under  the  sun,  moon, 
and  stars,  that  wuz  ever  made  by  a  woman — and 
there  is  no  end  to  'em — we  went  up  into  the  ruff 
garden,  where,  amidst  flowers,  and  fountains,  and 
fresh  air,  happy  children  wuz  a-playin',  with  birds 
and  butterflies  a-flyin'  about  'em  over  their  heads. 
The  birds  couldn't  git  out,  nor  the  children  either, 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  289 

for  up  fifteen  feet  high  a  wire  screen  wuz  stretched 
along,  coverin'  the  hull  beautiful  garden.  Nothin' 
could  git  in  or  out  of  it  but  the  sweet  air  and  the 
sunshine. 

Oh,  what  a  good  idee  !  You  could  see  that  the 
Woman's  Buildin'  wuz  full  of  beautiful,  practical 
idees,  from  the  ground  floor  to  the  very  top  ;  as  you 
could  see  plain  by  this  that  the  children  wuz 
thought  on  and  cared  for,  from  the  bottom  to  the  top 
of  this  palace.  Some  say  that  wimmen  soarin'  out  in 
art  and  business  makes  'em  hard  and  ontender  ;  you 
can  see  that  this  is  a  plain  falsehood  jest  by  walkin' 
once  through  the  Woman's  Buildin'. 

If  ever  wimmen  soared  out  in  art  and  business, 
and  genius,  and  philanthropy,  and  education,  and 
religion,  she  does  here  ;  and  from  the  floor  to 
the  ruff  is  the  highest  signs  of  her  tenderness 
for  the  children,  and  all  weak  and  helpless  ones. 

Oh,  what  emotions  I  had  in  that  buildin',  and  of 
what  a  immense  size  !  Some  of  the  time  I  got  lost  and 
by  the  side  of  myself,  a-thinkin'  such  deep  and  high 
thoughts  about  the  World's  Fair,  and  wimmen,  etc., 
and  they  wuz  so  fur-reachin',  too  ;   it  wuz  a  sight. 

For  I  knew  on  that  openin'  day,  when  the  ham- 
mer struck  that  marvellous  golden  nail,  and  this 
world    of    treasures   opened  at   tin-  signal— I  knew 


29O  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

that  the  echo  of  that  blow  wuzn't  a-goin'  to  die  out 
on  Lake  Michigan.  I  knew  that  at  its  echo  old 
Prejudice,  and  Custom,  and  Might  wuz  a-goin'  to 
skulk  hack  and  hide  their  hoary  heads  ;  and  Young 
Progress,  and  Equality,  and  Right  wuz  a-goin'  to 
advance  and  take  their  places. 

Stiflin',  encumberin'  veils  wuz  a-goin'  to  fall  from 
the  sad  eyes  of  the  wimmen  of  the  East.  Chains 
wuz  a-goin'  to  fall  from  the  delicate  wrists  of  the 
wimmen  of  the  West. 

I  hailed  that  sound  as  helpin'  forward  the  era 
of  Love,  Peace,  good-will  to  men  and  wimmen. 

Yes,  it  wuz  a  happy  hour  for  her  who  was  once 
Smith,  when  man,  in  the  shape  of  President  Cleve- 
land, pressed  the  button  with  his  thumb.  And 
woman,  in  the  form  of  Bertha  Honore  Palmer, 
drove  that  nail  home  with  a  hammer. 

Josiah  thought  it  ort  to  been  the  other  way. 
tie  sez,  "That  men  wuz  so  used  to  hammer  and 
nails ;"  and  he  scz,  and  stuck  to  it,  that,  "  No  woman 
livin'  ever  druv  a  nail  home  without  splittin'  her  own 
nail  in  the  effort,  and  bendin'  the  nail  she  driv  side- 
ways," 

But  I  sot  him  down  in  my  mind  as  representin' 
Old  Prejudice,  and  I  did  not  dain  a  reply  to  him. 
Only  I  merely  said — 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  29I 

"  Wall,  she  did  drive  the  nail  in  straight,  and  she 
clinched  it  solid  with  the  golden  words  of  her 
address." 

Yes,  Mrs.  Palmer  has  stood  up  on  a  high  mount 
durin'  the  hard  years  past  since  the  Fair  wuz 
thought  on. 

She  has  stood  up  so  high  that  she  could  see 
things  hid  from  them  on  the  ground. 

She  could  see  over  the  hull  world,  and  could 
see  that,  like  little  children  of  one  family,  the 
nations  wuz  all  havin'  their  own  separate  work  to 
do  to  help  their  Pa's  and  Ma's — their  Pa  Progress, 
and  Grandpa  Civilization,  and  their  Ma  and 
Grandma  Love  and  Humanity. 

She  could  see  that  some  of  the  children  wuz  dark 
complexioned,  and  some  lighter,  and  some  kinder 
yeller  favored,  and  some  wuz  big,  and  some  wuz 
small. 

They  differed  in  looks  and  behavior,  as  every 
big  family  will,  and  she  could  see  that  they  had 
their  little  squabbles  together,  a-quarrelin'  among 
themselves  over  their  possessions,  their  toys  and 
their  rights — they  wuz  jealous  of  each  other,  and 
greedy,  as  children  will  be  ;  and  they  had  their 
perplexities,  and  their  deep  troubles,  and  their 
vexations,   as    children     must    have     in  this  world. 


292  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR, 

and  some  wuz  fractious,  and  some  wuz  balky, 
and  some  wuz  good  dispositioned,  and  some  wuz 
cross  and  mean,  and  had  to  be  spanked  more  or  less. 

But  she  could  see  from  her  sightly  place  that 
the  hull  of  the  children  wuz  a-movin'  on,  some 
slower  and  some  faster,  movin'  on,  and  a-gittin' 
into  line,  and  a-fallin'  into  step,  to  the  music  of 
the  future. 

She  could  see,  and  she  has  seen  from  the  first 
minute  she  wuz  lifted  up  and  looked  off  over  the 
world,  that  this  gatherin'  of  all  the  children 
together,  a-showin'  the  best  they  had  done,  or  could 
do,  wuz  a-goin'  to  help  the  hull  family  along  more 
than  tongue  could  tell,  or  mind  could  conceive  of. 

She  could  see  that  it  wuz  eneouragin'  the  good 
children  to  do  still  better.  Allowin'  the  smart  ones 
to  show  off  their  smartness  to  the  best  advantage. 
Awakenin'  a  spirit  of  helpful  emulation  in  the  more 
backward  and  sluggish  of  'em. 

Yes,  the  light  from  this  big  house-warmin'  she 
knew  would  penetrate  and  glow  into  the  darkest 
corners  of  the  earth,  and,  like  a  great  warm  sun, 
bring  forth  a  glowin'  and  never-endin'  harvest  of 
blessed  results. 

The  hull  family  wuz  a-doin'  first  rate,  and  their 
Pa  and  Ma  wuz  proud  enough  of  'em 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  293 

And  they  felt  well,  for  they  knew  that  they  wuz 
advancin'  rapid,  and  with  quick  steps  and  with 
happy  hearts. 

And  when  she  looked  way  back,  and  watched  the 
long  procession  a-defilin'  along,  some  a-walkin'  swift 
and  some  a-laggin'  back  with  slower,  more  burdened 
footsteps  (chains  of  different  kinds  a-draggin'  on 
'em ) — ■ 

When  she  see  the  dark  shadders  of  the  past 
behind  'em — the  dretful  shapes  of  ignorance  and 
evil  a-lurkin'  in  the  heavy  blackness  from  which 
they  wuz  emergin' — her  tender  heart  ached  with 
sympathy. 

But  when  she  looked  fur  off,  fur  off,  ahead  on 
'em  the  gole  that  they  wuz  a-settin'  out  for,  she  had 
to  almost  lift  her  hands  and  hide  her  eyes  from  the 
dazzlin'  glory. 

It  most  blinded  her,  so  bright  it  wuz,  and  so 
golden  the  rays  streamed  out. 

Equal  rights,  Freedom  for  all,  Love,  Peace,  Joy. 
I  spoze  she  see  a  sight. 

Her  face  shone  ! 

But  to  resoom  :  Josiah  wuz  dretful  interested  in 
the  Agricultural  display  of  the  ladies  of  Iowa,  and 
it  wuz  interest  in'  to  look  at. 

On  one  end  is  panels  of  pansies  all   made  out  of 


294  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

kernels  of  corn,  so  nateral  that  you  almost  wanted 
to  pick  'cm  off  and  make  a  posey  of  'cm. 

On  one  of  the  other  walls  is  a  row  of  wimmen's 
heads  done  in  corn  ;  the  hair  is  done  in  corn  silks, 
and  their  clothes  out  of  the  husks. 

And  then  there  is  a  border  made  of  corn,  illustrat- 
in'  the  story  of  corn  in  Greek  Mythology. 

There  is  a  picture  called  the  Water  Carrier — a 
woman  made  of  different  kinds  of  corn,  jest  as 
nateral  as  life,  and  the  landscape  round  her  made  of 
grasses,  and  trees  of  sorghum,  and  the  frame  is 
made  of  cars  of  corn. 

Josiah  wuz  crazy  to  have  one  to  home.  Sez  he, 
"  Samanthv,  I  am  hound  to  have  your  picture  took 
in  corn,  it  is  so  cheap."  Sez  he,  "  Ury  and  I  could 
do  it  some  rainy  day,  and  how  you  would  treasure 
it !"  sez  he. 

Sez  he,  "  I  could  make  your  hair  out  of  white  silk 
grass,  and  your  face  out  of  red  pop-corn  mostly." 
Sez  he,  "Of  course,  to  make  you  life  size  it  would 
take  a  big  crop  of  corn.  I  should  judge,"  sez  he, 
"that  it  would  take  about  two  bushels  to  make 
your  waist  ribbon  ;   but  I  wouldn't  begretch  it." 

Sez  I,  "If  you  want  to  make  me  happy  in  corn, 
Josiah  Allen,  take  it  to  the  mill  and  grind  it  into 
samp  or  good  fine  meal      You  and  Ury  can't  bring 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  295 

happiness  to  me  by  paintin'  me  in  corn,  so  dismiss 
the  thought  to  once,  for  I  will  not  be  took." 

"  Yes,  break  it  up,"  sez  he  bitterly  ;  "you  always 
do,  if  I  branch  out  into  anything  uneek." 

It  wuz  some  time  before  I  could  quiet  him  down. 

The  display  by  Norway  and  Sweden  is  very 
complete,  showin'  the  work  of  the  lower  and  upper 
classes,  laces,  and  embroideries,   etc.,   etc. 

And  so  they  wuz  from  every  other  nation  of  the 
Globe.  It  fairly  makes  my  brain  reel  now,  to  think 
of  the  wonder  and  the  glory  of  'em. 

Wall,  towards  the  last  we  went  to  see  the  model 
kitchen.  And  Miss  Plank,  who  had  been  off  with 
some  friends,  jined  us  here,  and  she  wuz  happy  here, 
as  happy  as  a  queen  on  her  throne  ;  and  Josiah,  and 
I  thought  he  richly  deserved  it,  in  the  restaurant 
attached,  he  eat  such  a  lunch  as  only  a  hungry  man 
can  eat,  cooked  jest  as  good  as  vittles  can  be,  and  all 
done  by  wimmen.  Why,  Miss  Rorer  herself,  that 
I  have  kep  (in  book  form)  on  my  buttery  shelf  for 
years,  wtuz  here  in  the  body,  a-learnin'  folks  to  cook. 
That  is  savin'  enough  for  the  vittles  to  them  that 
knows  her   (in  book  form). 

There  wuz  every  appliance  and  new-fangled 
invention  to  help  wimmen  cook,  and  do  her  work, 
and    every  old-fangled  one      Miss    Plank    hunted 


296  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

hard  to  find  sunthin'  to  make  better  pancakes  than 
hern,  but  couldn't. 

But  it  wuz  a  sight — a  sight,  the  things  we  see 
there. 

Wall,  wre  spent  the  hull  of  the  day  here — never 
stepped  our  feet  outside,  and  didn't  want  to,  or  at 
least  I  didn't. 

And  as  Night  softly  onrolled  her  mantilly,  previous 
to  drawin'  it  over  her  face  and  goin'  to  sleep,  we 
reluctantly  turned  our  feet  away  from  this  beautiful, 
sacred  place,  and  went  home  on  the  cars.  And 
didn't  the  bed  feel  good  ?  And  didn't  Sleep  come 
like  a  sweet,  consolin'  friend  and  lay  her  hand  on 
my  gray  hair  and  weary  fore-top  jest  as  lovin'  as 
Mother  Smith  ust  to,  and  murmur  in  my  ear,  jest 
as  soft  and  low  as  Ma  Smith  did,  "  Hush,  my  dear  ; 
lie  still  and  slumber." 


CHAPTER   XI. 

Wall,  the  next  mornin'— such  is  the  wonderful 
halm  of  onbroken  sleep  that  any  one  takes  in  onbe- 
known  to  themselves — we  felt  considerable  brisk. 

And  Josiah  proposed  that  we  should  go  and  pay 
attention  to  the  Buildin'  of  Liberal  Arts  and  Mana- 
factures  that  day. 

Havin'  had  my  way  the  day  before  on  goin'  to 
the  home  and  headquarters  of  my  sect  first,  I  thought 
it  wuzn't  no  more  than  right  that  my  pardner  should 
have  his  way  that  day  as  to  what  buildin'  we  should 
pay  attention  to,  and  he  wanted  to  go  to  the  biggest 
one  next. 

He  said  that,  "When  he  wuz  a-shearin'  sheep  he 
always  wanted  to  tackle  the  biggest  one  first,  and 
he  felt  jest  so  about  any  hard  job." 

I  kinder  wanted  to  go  to  the  Art  Gallery  that 
mornin'  ;  first  wimmen,  and  then  Art — them  wuz 
my  choices.  But  Love  prevailed.  And  the  feelin' 
that,  after  seein'  the  display  that  wimmen  had 
wrought,  that  mebby  it  wuz  best  to  go  next  to  the 


298  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

largest  house  on  the  grounds,  and  the  most  liberal 
one. 

So  we  sot  off,  after  a  good  breakfast. 

We  thought  we  would  meander  kinder  slow  that 
mornin',  and  examine  things  closely.  Truly  we 
had  been  too  much  overcome  by  that  first  visit  the 
day  before  to  lake  much  notice  of  tilings  in  par- 
ticular. 

When  that  seen  had  bust  onto  us  it  wuz  some  like 
a  blind  man  comin'  to  his  sight  in  the  middle  of  a 
June  day.  He  wouldn't  pay  any  particular  atten- 
tion to  each  separate  glory  that  made  up  the  seen— 
blue  sky,  green  fields,  sunshine,  white  clouds,  spark- 
lin'  waters,  rustlin'  trees,  wavin'  grass,  roses,  green 
fields,  and  so  forth  and  so  forth. 

No,  it  would  all  mingle  in  one  dazzlin'  picture  be- 
fore his  astounded  eyeballs.  So  it  had  been  with 
us,  or  with  me,  at  any  rate. 

Now  we  laid  out  to  go  slower  and  take  things 
in  more  separate — one  by  one,  as  it  were ;  and 
we  seemed  to  realize  more  than  we  had  sensed  it 
the  immense — immense  size  of  the  depot,  the  rumble 
of  the  elevated  trains  overhead,  and  the  abundance 
of  the  facilities  to  git  into  the  Columbian  World's 
Fair. 

Why,  there  is  about  fifty  places  right  there  to  git 


SaMantha  at  the  world's  fair.  299 

tickets,  and  ninety-six  turnstiles — most  a  hundred  ! 
The  idee  ! 

Wall,  with  no  casualties  worth  enumcratin',  we 
found  ourselves  in  that  glorious  Court  of  Honor, 
and  pretty  nigh  that  gorgeous  fountain  of  McMon- 
nies.  This  matchless  work  of  art  occupies  the 
place  of  honor  amidst  the  incomparable  group  of 
wonders  in  that  Court  of  Honor,  and  it  deserves  it. 
Yes,  indeed  !  its  size  is  immense,  hut  it  don't  show 
it,  owin'  to  the  size  of  the  buildin's  surroiindin'  it. 

Here  in  this  fountain,  as  elsewhere  at  Colum- 
bus's doin's,  female  wimmen  are  put  forward  in  the 
highest  and  loftiest  places. 

High  up,  enthroned  in  a  mammoth  boat,  stately 
and  beautiful  in  design,  sets  a  impressive  female  rig- 
ger, her  face  all  lit  up  with  Truth  and  Earnest  Pur- 
pose as  she  towers  up  above  the  others.  The  boat 
seems  to  be  a-goin'  aginst  the  wind,  as  boats  that 
amount  to  anything  and  git  there  always  have  in 
the  past,  and  most  likely  will  in  the  future.  And 
the  keen  wind  wuz  a-blowin'  hard  aginst  the  female 
figger  that  wuz  a-standin'  up  in  front  of  the  boat, 
but  she  didn't  care  ;  it  blowed  her  drapery  back 
some,  but  it  only  floated  out  her  wings  better. 

She  held  a  bugle  in  her  hand,  a-soundin'  out,  I 
should  judge  from  her  looks — 


300  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"  How  goes  the  world  ?  I  am  comin'  to  help, 
but  you  needn't  wait  for  me — I  will  overtake  you  !" 

She  wuz  bound  to  help  the  old  world  along,  as  you 
could  see  by  her  looks. 

I  thought  when  I  first  looked  at  it  that  the  hull 
thing  wuz  to  show  forth  the  powers  of  electricity. 
I  thought  that  that  wuz  Electricity  on  top  of  that 
throne,  and  the  woman  in  front  wuz  a-gazin'  out  fur 
ahead,  a-tryin'  to  catch  sight  of  that  most  wondrous 
New  World  that  that  strange  Magician  is  a-goin'  to 
sail  us  into.  And  I  didn't  wonder  that  she  wuz 
a-gazin'  so  intent  fur  off  ahead. 

For  we  don't  know  no  more  about  that  strange, 
onknown  world  than  Columbus  did  when  he  sot  sail 
from  Genoa. 

A  few  strange  birds  have  flown  from  it  and 
lighted  on  the  heads  of  the  Discoverers,  a  few  spars 
of  wisdom  has  been  washed  ashore,  and  some 
strange  leaves  and  sea-weeds,  all  tellin'  us  that  they 
have  come  from  a  new  world  different  from  ours, 
and  one  more  riz  up  like — more  like  the   Immortal. 

But  of  the  hull  world  of  wonder,  it  is  yet  to  be 
discovered  ;  and  I  thought,  as  I  looked  at  it,  I 
shouldn't  wonder  if  they  will  get  there — the  figger 
on  the  throne  wuz  so  impressive,  and  the  female  in 
front  so  determined. 


iiHif- 


o    x 

•Z     M 


•    3 


302  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Wisdom,  and  courage,  and  joyful  hope  and  ar- 
dor. 

I  Ielped  by  'em,  borne  along  by  'em  in  the  face  of 
envy,  and  detraction,  and  bigotry,  and  old  custom, 
the  boat  sails  grandly. 

"  I  [o  !  up  there  on  the  high  mast  !  What  news?" 

"  Light  !  light  ahead  !" 

But  to  resoom  :  a-standin'  up  on  each  side  of  that 
impressive  iigger  wuz  another  row  of  females— 
mebby  they  had  oars  in  their  hands,  showin'  that 
they  wuz  calculatin'  to  take  hold  and  row  the  boat 
for  a  spell  if  it  got  stuck  ;  and  mebby  they  wuz 
poles,  or  sunthin'. 

But  I  don't  believe  they  meant  to  use  'cm  on 
that  solitary  man  that  stood  in  back  end  of  the 
boat,  a-propellin'  it — it  would  have  been  a  shame 
if  they  had. 

No  ;  I  believe  that  they  meant  to  help  at  sun- 
thin'  or  rather  with  them  long  sticks. 

They  wuz  all  a-lookin'  some  distance  ahead,  all 
a-seemin'  bound  to  get  where  they  started  for. 

Besides  bein'  gorgeous  in  the  extreme,  I  took 
it  as  bein'  a  compliment  to  my  sect,  the  way  that 
fountain  wuz  laid  out — ten  or  a  dozen  wimmen, 
and  only  one  or  two  men.  But  after  I  got  it  all 
fixed   out  in  my  mind  what  that  lofty  and  impres- 


SAMAXTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS    FAIR.  303 

sive  figger  meant,  a  bystander  a-standin'  by  ex- 
plained it  all  out  to  me. 

He  said  that  the  female  figger  way  up  above 
the  rest  wuz  Columbia,  beautiful,  strong,  fear- 
less. 

And  that  it  wuz  Fame  that  stood  at  the  prow 
with  the  bugle,  and  that  it  wuz  Father  Time  at 
the  helium,  a-guidin'  it  through  the  dangers  of  the 
centuries. 

And  the  female  Aggers  around  Columbia's  throne 
wuz  meant  for  Science,  Industry,  Commerce, 
Agriculture,  Music,  Drama,  Paintin',  and  Litera- 
ture, all  on  'em  a-helpin'  Columbia  along  in  her 
grand  pathway. 

And  then  I  see  that  what  I  had  hearn  wuz 
true,  that  Columbia  had  jest  discovered  Woman. 
Yes,  the  boat  wuz  headed  directly  towards  Woman, 
who  stood  up  one  hundred  feet  high  in  front. 

And  I  see  plain  that  Columbia  couldn't  help 
discoverin'  her  if  she  wanted  to,  when  she's  lifted 
herself  up  so,  and  is  showin'  plain  in  1893  jest 
how  lofty  and  level-headed,  how  many-sided  and 
yet  how  symmetrical  she  is. 

There  she  stands  (Columbia  didn't  have  to  take 
my  word  for  it),  there  she  wuz  a-towerin'  up  one 
hundred    feet,    lofty,  serene,  and    sweet-faced,    her 


304  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

calm,  tender  eyes  a-lookin'  off  into  the  new  order 
of  centuries. 

And  Columbia  wuz  a-sailin'  right  towards  her, 
steered  by  Time,  the  invincible. 

I  see  there  wuz  a  great  commotion  down  in 
the  water,  a-snortin',  and  a-plungin',  and  a-actin' 
amongst  the  lower  order  of  intelligences. 

But  Columbia's  eyes  wuz  clear,  and  calm,  and 
determined,  and  Old  Time  couldn't  be  turned  round 
by  any  prancin'  from  the  powers  below. 

Woman  is  discovered. 

But  to  resoom.  This  immense  boat  wuz  in  the 
centre,  jest  as  it  should  be  ;  and  all  before  it  and 
around  wuz  the  horses  of  Neptune,  and  mermaids, 
and  fishes,  and  all  the  mystery  of  the  sea. 

Some  of  the  snortin'  and  prancin'  of  the  horses  of 
the  Ocean,  and  pullin'  at  the  bits,  so's  the  men 
couldn't  hardly  hold  'em,  wruz  meant,  I  spoze,  to 
represent  how  awful  tuckerin'  it  is  for  humanity  to 
control  the  forces  of  Nater. 

Wall,  of  all  the  sights  I  ever  see,  that  fountain 
wuz  the  upshot  and  cap  sheaf  ;  and  how  I  would 
have  loved  to  have  told  Mr.  MacMonnies  so  !  It 
would  have  been  so  encouragin'  to  him,  and  it  would 
have  seemed  to  have  relieved  that  big  debt  of  grati- 
tude that  Jonesville  and  America  owTed  to  him  ;  and 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  305 

how  I  wish  I  could  make  a  good  cup  of  tea  for 
him,  and  brile  a  hen  or  a  hen  turkey  !  I'd  do  it  with 
a  willin'  mind. 

I  wTish  he'd  come  to  Jonesville  and  make  a  all- 
day's  visit — stay  to  dinner  and  supper,  and  all  night 
if  he  will,  and  travel  round  through  Jonesville  the 
next  day.  I  would  enjoy  it,  and  so  would  Josiah. 
Of  course,  we  couldn't  show  off  in  fireworks  any- 
thing to  what  he  does,  havin'  nothin'  but  a  lantern 
and  a  torchlight  left  over  from  Cleveland's  cam- 
pain.  No  ;  we  shouldn't  try  to  have  no  such  doin's. 
I  know  when  I  am  outdone. 

Bime-by  we  stood  in  front  of  that  noble  statute 
of  the  Republic. 

And  as  I  gazed  clost  at  it,  and  took  in  all  its 
noble  and  serene  beauty,  I  had  emotions  of  a  bigger 
size,  and  more  on  'em,  than  I  had  had  in  some  time. 

Havin'  such  feelin's  as  I  have  for  our  own 
native  land — discovered  by  Christopher  Columbus, 
founded  by  George  Washington,  rescued,  defend- 
ed, and  saved  by  Lincoln  and  Grant  (and  I  could 
preach  hours  and  hours  on  each  one  of  these 
noble  male  texts,    if   I    had   time) — 

Bein'  so  proud  of  (he  Republic  as  1  have 
always  been,  and  so  sot  on  want  in'  her  to  do 
jest  right  and  soar  up  above  all  the  other  nations 


306  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

of  the  earth  in  nobility  and  goodness  —  hav- 
in'  such  feelin's  for  her,  and  such  deep  and  heart- 
felt love  and  pride  for  my  own  sect — what  wuz 
my  emotions,  as  I  see  that  statute  riz  up  to  the 
Republic  in  the  form  of  a  woman,  when  I  went  up 
clost  and  paid  particular  attention  to  her  ! 

A  female,  most  sixty-five  feet  tall  !  Why,  as  I 
looked  on  her,  my  emotions  riz  me  up  so,  and 
seemed  to  expand  my  own  size  so,  that  I  felt  as 
if  I,  too,  towered  up  so  high  that  I  could  lock  arms 
with  her,  and  walk  off  with  her  arm  in  arm,  and 
look  around  and  enjoy  what  wuz  bein'  done  there 
in  the  great  To-Day  for  her  sect,  and  mine  ;  and 
what  that  sect  wuz  a-branchin'  out  and  doin'  for 
herself. 

But,  good  land  !  it  wuz  only  my  emotions  that 
riz  me  up  ;  my  common  sense  told  me  that  I  couldn't 
walk  locked  arms  with  her,  for  she  wuz  built 
out  in  the  water,  on  a  stagin'  that  lifted  her  up 
thirty  or  forty  feet  higher. 

And  her  hands  wuz  stretched  out  as  if  to  wel- 
come Columbia,  who  wuz  a-sailin'  right  towards 
her.  On  the  right  hand  a  globe  was  held  ;  the  left 
arm  extended  above  her  head,  holdin'  a  pole. 

I  didn't  know  what  that  pole  wuz  for,  and  I  didn't 
ask;  but  she  held   it  some  as  if  she  wuz   liable  to 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  T>°7 

bring  it  down  onto  the  globe  and  gin  it  a  whack. 
And  I  didn't  wonder. 

It  is  enough  to  make  a  stun  woman,  or  a  wooden 
female,  mad,  to  see  how  the  nation  always  depicters 
wimmen  in  statutes,  and  pictures,  and  things,  as  if 
they  wuz  a-holdin'  the  hull  world  in  the  palm  of 
their  hand,  when  they  hain't,  in  reality,  willin'  to 
gin  'em  the  right  that  a  banty  hen  has  to  take  care 
of  their  own  young  ones,  and  protect  'em  from  the 
hoverin'  hawks  of  intemperance  and  every  evil. 

But  mebby  she  didn't  have  no  idee  of  givin'  a 
wmack  at  the  globe ;  she  wuz  a-holdin'  it  stiddy 
when  I  seen  her,  and  she  looked  calm,  and  middlin' 
serene,  and  as  beautiful,  and  lofty,  and  inspirin' 
as  they  make. 

She  wuz  dressed  well,  and  a  eagle  had  come  to 
rest  on  her  bosom,  symbolical,  mebby,  of  how  wim- 
men's  heart  has,  all  through  the  ages,  been  the 
broodin'  place  and  the  rest  of  eagle  man,  and 
her  heart  warmed  by  its  soft,  flutterin'  feathers,  and 
pierced  by  its  cruel  beak. 

The  crown  wore  on  top  of  her  noble  forehead 
wuz  dretful  appropriate  to  show  what  wuz  inside  of 
a  woman's  head  ;  for  it  wuz  made  of  electric  lights 
— flashin'  lights,  and  strange,  wrought  of  that  mys- 
terious substance  that  we  don't  understand  yet. 


308  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

But  we  know  that  it  is  luminous,  fur-reachm'  in 
its  rays,  and  possesses  almost  divine  intelligence. 

It  sheds  its  pure  white  light  a  good  ways  now, 
and  no  knowin'  how  much  further  it  is  a-goin'  to 
flash  'em  out — no  knowin'  what  sublime  and  divine 
power  of  intelligence  it  will  yet  grow  to  be,  when  it 
is  fully  understood,  and  when  it  has  the  full,  free 
power  to  branch  out,  and  do  all  that  is  in  it 
to  do. 

Jest  like  wimmen's  love,  and  divine  ardor,  and 
holy  desires  for  a  world's  good — jest  exactly. 

It  wuz  a  good-lookin'  head-dress. 

Her  figger  wuz  noble,  jest  as  majestic  and  per- 
fect as  the  human  form  can  be.  And  it  stood  up 
there  jest  as  the  Lord  meant  wimmen  to  stand,  not 
lookin'  like  a  hour-glass  or  a  pismire,  but  a  good 
sensible  waist  on  her,  jest  as  human  creeters  ort 
to  have. 

I  don't  know  what  dressmakers  would  think  of 
her.  I  dare  presoom  to  say  they  would  look 
down  on  her  because  she  didn't  taper.  And  they 
would  probable  be  disgusted  because  she  didn't 
wear  cossets. 

But  to  me  one  of  the  greatest  and  grandest  uses 
of  that  noble  hgger  wuz  to  stand  up  there  a-preachin' 
to  more  than  a  million  wimmen  daily  of  the  beauty 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  309 

and  symmetry  of  a  perfect  form,  jest  as  the  Lord 
made  it,  before  it  wuz  tortured  down  into  de- 
formity and  disease  by  whalebones  and  cosset 
strings. 

Imagine  that  stately,  noble  presence  a-scrunchin1 
herself  in  to  make  a  taper  on  herself — or  to  have 
her  long,  graceful,  stately  draperies  cut  off  into  a 
coat-tail  bask — the  idee  ! 

Here  wuz  the  beauty  and  dignity  of  the  human 
form,  onbroken  by  vanity  and  folly.  And  I  did 
hope  my  misguided  sect  would  take  it  to  heart. 

And  of  all  the  crowds  of  wimmen  I  see  a-standin' 
in  front  of  it  admirin'  it,  I  never  see  any  of 
'em,  even  if  their  own  waists  did  look  like  pis- 
mires, but  what  liked  its  looks. 

Till  one  day  I  did  see  two  tall,  spindlin',  fashion- 
able-lookin'  wimmen  a-lookin'  at  it,  and  one  sez  to 
the  other  : 

"  Oh,  how  sweet  she  would  look  in  elbow-sleeves 
and  a  tight-rlttin'  polenay  !" 

"  Yes,"  sez  the  other  ;  "  and  a  bell  skirt  ruffled 
almost  to  the  waist,  and  a  Gainsboro  hat,  and  a 
parasol." 

"  And  high-heel  shoes  and  seven-button  gloves," 
sez  the  other. 

And   I  turned  my  back  on  them   then   and   there, 


3io 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR 


:'  HOW    SWEET    SHE    WOULD    LOOK 


and  don't  know  what 
other  improvements 
they  did  want  to  add 
to  her — most  likely  a 
box  of  French  candy, 
a  card-case,  some  eye- 
glasses, a  yeller-cov- 
ered  novel,  and  a  pug 
dog.      The  idee  ! 

And  as  I  wended 
on  at  a  pretty  good 
jog  after  hearin'  'em, 
I   sez  to  myself — 

"Some  wimmen 
are  born  fools,  some 
achieve  foolishness, 
and  some  have  fool- 
ishness thrust  on  'ern 
and  I  guess  them  two 
had  all  three  of 
'em." 

I  said  it  to  myself 
loud  enough  so's 
sez     in     joyful     ax- 


Josiah     heard     me,     and     he 
ents — 

"  I  am  gladr  Sarqantha,  that  you  have  come  to 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  3 1 1 

your  senses  at  last,  and  have  a  realizin'  sense  of 
your  sect's  weaknesses  and  foil  v." 

And  I  wuz  that  wrought  up  with  different  emo- 
tions that  I  wuz  almost  perfectly  by  the  side  of 
myself,  and  I  jest  said  to  him — 

"  Shet  up  !" 

I  wouldn't  argy  with  him.  I  wuz  fearful  excited 
a-contemplatin'  the  heights  of  true  womanhood 
and  the  depths  of  fashionable  folly  that  a  few — a 
very  few — of  my  sect  yet  waded  round  in. 

But  after  I  got  quite  a  considerable  distance  off, 
I  instinctively  turned  and  looked  up  to  the  face  of 
that  noble  creeter,  the   Republic. 

And  I  see  that  she  didn't  care  what  wuz  said 
about  her. 

Her  face  wuz  sot  towards  the  free,  fresh  air  of  the 
future — the  past  wuz  behind  her.  The  winds  of 
Heaven  wuz  fannin'  her  noble  foretop,  her  eves  wuz 
lookin'  off  into  the  fur  depths  of  space,  her  lips  wuz 
wreathed  with  smiles  caught  from  the  sun  and  the 
dew,  and  the  fire  of  the  golden  dawn. 

She  wuz  riz  up  above  the  blame  or  praise — the 
belittlin'.  foolish,  personal  babblin'  of  contemporary 
criticism. 

Her  head  wuz  lifted  towards  the  stars. 

But  to  resoom,  and  continue  on, 


CHAPTER   XII. 

After  we  reluctantly  left  off  contemplatin'  that 
statute  of  Woman,  we  wended  along  to  the  buildin' 
of  Manafactures  and  Liberal  Arts,  that  colossial 
structure  that  dwarfs  all  the  other  giants  of  the  Ex- 
position. 

This  is  the  largest  buildin'  ever  constructed  by 
any  exposition  whatsoever. 

Tt  covers  with  its  galleries  forty  acres  of  land — it 
is  as  big  as  the  hull  of  Elam  Bobbet's  farm — and 
Elam  gets  a  good  livin'  offen  that  farm  for  him 
and  Amanda  and  eight  children,  and  he  raises  all 
kinds  of  crops  on  it,  besides  cows,  and  colts,  and 
hens,  grass  land  and  pasture,  and  a  creek  goes 
a-runnin'  through  it,  besides  a  piece  of  wood  lot. 

And  then,  think  to  have  one  buildin'  cover  a  place  as 
large  as  Elam's  farm  !  Why,  jest  the  idee  on't  wquld, 
I  believe,  stunt  Amanda  Bobbet,  or  else  throw  her 
into  spazzums. 

For  she  has  always  felt  dretful  proud  of  their 
farm,  and  the  size  of  it  ;  she  has  always  said  that  it 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  3 1 3 

come  hard  on  Elam  to  do  all  the  work  himself  on 
such  a  big  farm.      She  has  acted  haughty. 

And  then,  if  I  could  have  took  Amanda  by  the 
hand,  and  sez — 

"  Here,  Amanda,  is  one  house  that  covers  as  much 
ground  as  your  hull  farm  !" 

1  believe  she  would  have  fell  right  down  in  a 
coniption  lit. 

But  Amanda  wuzn't  there;  1  had  only  my  faith- 
ful pardner  to  share  my  emotions,  as  1  went  into 
one  of  its  four  great  entrances,  under  its  triumphal 
arches,  each  one  bein'4ofeet  wide  and  So  feet  high — - 
as  long  as  from  our  house  to  the  back  pasture. 

The  idee  !  the  idee  ! 

Why,  to  change  my  metafor  a  little  about  the 
bigness  ot  this  buildin',  so's  to  let  foreign  nations 
git  a  little  clearer  idee  of  the  size  on't,   I  will  state — ■ 

This  one  house  is  bigger  than  all  those  of  Jones- 
ville,  and  Loontown,  and  Shackville,  and  Zoar.  It 
is  the  biggest  house  on  this  planet.  Whether  they 
have  got  any  bigger  ones  in  Mars,  or  Jupiter,  or 
Saturn,  1  don't  know;  but  I  will  say  this — if  they 
have,  and  the  Marites,  and  Jupiterians,  and  Satens, 
are  made  up  as  we  be,  and  calculate  to  go  through 
the  buildin's,  I  am  sorry  for  their  legs. 

It  faces   the    lake,  in    plain    view    of  all    admirin' 


3H  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS    FAIR. 

mariners,  the  long  row  of  arches,  and  columns  ;  is 
ornamented  beyend  anything  that  Jonesville  ever 
drempt  of,  or  Zoar,  and  a  gallery  fifty  feet  wide 
runs  all  round  the  huildin'  ;  and  from  this  gallery 
runs  eighty-six  smaller  galleries,  so  nothin'  hinders 
folks  from  lookin'  down  into  the  big  hall  below,  and 
seein'  the  gorgeous  seen  of  the  Exposition,  and  the 
immense  throng  of  people  admirin'  it. 

As  Josiah  and  I  wuz  a-wendin'  along  on  the 
gallery  a-frontin'  the  lake,  I  heard  a  man — he 
looked  some  like  a  minister,  too — say  to  another 
one,  sez  he,  "  The  style  of  this  buildin'  is  Corin- 
thian." 

And  I  spoke  right  up,  bein'  determined  that  Josiah 
and  I  too  should  be  took  for  what  we  wuz— good, 
Bible-readin'   Methodists. 

I  said  to  Josiah,  but  loud  enough  so  that  the  man 
should  hear — 

"The  New  Testament  hain't  got  a  better  book  in 
it  than  Corinthians — it  is  one  of  my  favorites  ;  I  am 
glad  that  this  buildin'  takes  after  it." 

He  looked  kinder  dumfoundered,  and  then  he 
looked  tickled  ;  he  see  that  we  wuz  congenial,  though 
we  met  only  as  two  barks  that  meet  on  the  ocean,  or 
two  night-hawks  a-sailin'  past  each  other  in  the 
woods  at  Jonesville. 


SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


315 


But  true  it  is  that  a  good-principled  person  is 
always  ready  to  stand  by  his  eolors. 

But  the  crowd  swept  us  on,  and  we  wuz  divided — 
he  to  cany  his  good,  solid  principles  out-doors,  and 
disseminate  'em  under  the  open  sky  ;  1  to  carry 
mine  inside  that  immense — immense  buildin'. 

Why,  a  week  wouldn't  do  justice  at  all  to  this 
buildin' — you  ort  to  come  here  every  day  for  a 
month  at  least,  and  then  you  wouldn't  see  a  half 
or  a  quarter  of  what  is  in  it. 

Why,  to  stand  and  look  all  round  you,  and  up 
and  down  the  long  aisles  that  stretch  out  about 
you  on  every  side,  you  feel  some  as  a  ant  would 
feel  a-lookin'  up  round  it  in  a  forest,  (I  mean  the 
ant  "Thou  sluggard"  went  to,  not  your  ma's  sister.) 

Fur  up,  fur  up  the  light  comes  down  through  the 
immense  skylight,  so  it  is  about  like  bein'  out-doors, 
and  in  the  night  it  is  most  as  light  as  day,  for  the 
ark  lights  are  so  big  that,  if 
you'll  believe  it,  there  are 
galleries  of  'em  up  in  the 
chandliers,  and  men  a-walkin' 
round  in  'em  a-fixin'  the 
lights  look  like  Hies  a-creep- 
in'  about.      The  idee  ! 

And  the   exhibits    in   that 


^a 


i^7. 


This  iuhi.djn'   is  Corinthian. 


3 16  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

buildin'  are  like  the  sands  of  the  sea  for  number, 
and  it  would  be  harder  work  to  count  'em  if  you 
wuz  a-goin'  to  tackle  the  job,  for  they  hain't  spread 
out  smooth,  like  sea  sand,  but  are  histed  up  into 
the  most  «ror<reous  and  beautiful  pavilions,  fixed  off 
beyend  anything  you  ever  drempt  on,  or  read  of  in 
Arabian  Nights,  or  anywhere  else. 

They  wuz  like  towerin'  palaces  within  a  palace, 
and  big  towers  all  covered  with  wonderful  exhibits, 
and  cupalos,  and  peaks,  and  scollops,  and  every 
peak  and  every  scollop  ornamented  and  garnished 
beyend  your  wildest  fancy. 

The  United  States  don't  make  such  a  big  show  as 
Germany  duz,  right  acrost,  but  come  to  look  elost, 
you'll  see  that  she  holds  her  own. 

Why,  Tiffany's  and  Gorham's  beautiful  pavilion, 
that  rises  up  as  a  sort  of  a  centre  piece  to  the 
United  States  exhibit,  some  think  are  the  most 
beautiful  in  the  hull  Exposition. 

Big  crowds  are  always  standin'  in  front  of  that 
admirin'ly  ;  the  decoration  and  colorin'  are  perfect. 

The  pavilions  of  the  different  nations  tower  up 
in  all  their  grandeur  that  their  goverments  could 
expend  on  'em,  and  they  rival  each  other  in  beauty  ; 
but  private  undertaking  show  off  nobly. 

There    wuz  one  man  who  sells  stoves  who  has 


SAMANTHA   AT 


WORL 


built  a  stove  as  big  as  a  house — put  electric  lights 
in  it,  to  show  off  its  name,  and  he  asks  folks  to 
step  into  the  stove,  which  is  a  pavilion,  to  see 
what  he  has  to  sell. 

And  then  one  man — a  trunk-maker — has  made  a 
glass  trunk  as  big  as  a  house,  and  shows  off  his 
exhibits  there. 

And  take  the  thousands  and  thousands  of  pavil- 
ions and  pagodas  on  every  side  of  you,  and  every 
one  of  'em  filled 
with  thousands 
and  millions  of 
beautiful  exhib- 
its, and  you  can 
see  what  a  con- 
dition your 
head  would  be 
in  after  a  half 
a  day  in  that 
b  u  i  1  d  i  n ',  let 
alone  your 
legs. 

Some  think 
that  the  Ger- 
man Pavilion  is 
the  most  nota- 


He  asks  folks  to  step  into  the  stove. 


3  IS  SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

hie  of  any.  Never  wuz  such  iron  gates  seen  in 
this  country,  a-towerin'  up  twenty  feet  high,  and  or- 
namented off  in  the  most  elaborate  manner,  and  high 
towers  crowned  by  their  gold  eagles  ;  and  high  up  in 
the  back  is  a  majestic  bronze  Germania.  On  either 
side,  and  in  the  centre,  are  other  wonderful  pavilions. 
If  you  go  through  these  gates  you  will  want  to 
stay  there  a  week  right  along,  examinin'  the  world 
of  objects  demandin'  your  attention — marvellous 
tapestry,  porcelain,  paintin',  statuary,  furniture, 
hammered  iron,  copper,  printin',  lithographin',  etc., 
and  etcetry. 

It  wuz  here  that  we  see  the  Columbian  diamond,  a 
blue  brilliant,  the  finest  diamond  at  the  Exposition. 

The  French  pavilion  is  a  dream  of  beauty.  It 
rises  up  in  while,  marble-like  beauty,  not  excelled 
by  any  country,  it  seems  to  me,  and  is  filled  with  the 
very  finest  things  to  be  found  in  the  French  shops, 
and  that  is  sayin'  the  finest  in  the  world. 

Here  are  beautiful  figgers  in  wax,  wearin'  the 
most  magnificent  dresses  you  ever  hearn  on — Papa, 
Mama,  Grandma,  Baby,  and  Nurse — all  fitted  out 
in  clothes  suitable,  and  the  bite  of  beauty  and 
eleganee. 

Why,  in  goin'  through  this  section  you  can  jest 
imagine  the  most  beautiful   and  perfect  things  you 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  319 

ever  hearn  on  in  dress,  furniture,  jewelry,  etc.,  etc., 
and  multiply  'em  by  one  hundred,  and  then  you 
wouldn't  figger  out  the  result  half  gorgeous  enough. 

Why,  it  is  insured  for  ten  millions,  and  it  is  worth 
it.  I  wouldn't  take  a  cent  less  for  it — not  a  cent  ; 
and  so  I  told  Josiah. 

Why,  there  is  one  baby's  cradle  worth  thirty-one 
thousand  dollars,  and  a  vase  at  twenty  thousand,  and 
a  parasol  at  two  thousand  live  hundred,  and  other 
things  accordin' — the  idee  ! 

The  Gobelin  tapestries  that  are  loaned  by  the 
French  Goverment  are  absolutely  priceless. 

Austria's  big  pavilion  has  her  double  eagles  reared 
up  over  it  ;  it  stands  up  sixty-five  feet  high,  and  is 
full  of  splendor. 

Bohemian  glass  in  every  form  and  shape  bein' 
one  of  its  best  exhibits,  and  terrv-cotty  Jiggers,  and 
beautiful  gifts  of  Honor  loaned  by  the  Emperor, 
and  etc. 

And  you  can  tell  the  Russian  pavilion  as  fur  as 
you  can  see  it  by  its  dark,  strong  architecture. 

Along  the  outer  court  runs  a  long  platform  orna- 
mented with  urns  and  vases  of  hewn  marble  and 
other  hard  stuns,  from  the  exile  mines  of  Siberia. 

I  wondered  how  many  tears  had  wet  the  stuns  as 
they  wuz  hewn  out. 


320  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

But,  howsumever,  the  Russians  did  well  ;  their 
enamel  in  this  exhibit  is  the  best  shown  anywhere. 
They  are  dretful  costly,  but  not  any  too  much  for 
the  value  of  'em.  They  don't  want  to  cheat  Ameri- 
ca, the  Russians  don't — they  remember  the  past.  ' 

One  giant  punch-bowl  of  gilt  enamel  is  claimed 
to  be  the  finest  thing  of  the  kind  ever  done  in  the 
ban  pi  re. 

Their  bronzes  are  wonderful — there  is  vigor 
and  life  in  'em.  A  Laplander  in  his  sledge,  drawn 
by  reindeers  over  the  frozen  sea,  and  a  dromedary 
and  his  driver  on  the  sandy  desert,  shows  plain 
how  fur  the  Zar's  dominions  extend. 

A  Laplander  killin'  a  seal  in  a  iee  hole — Two 
horses  a-goin'  furiously,  trvin'  to  drag  a  sleigh 
away  from  pursuin'  wolves — Mounted  Cossacks — 
Farmers  ploughin'  the  fields — A  woman  ridin'  a 
farm  horse,  with  a  long  rake  in  her  hand — 

A  woman  standin'  on  tiptoe  to  kiss  her  Cossack 
as  he  bends  from  his  saddle — A  rough  rider  out  on 
the  steepes  a-catchin'  a  wild  horse. 

After  ten  or  twelve  acres  of  Nymphs  and  Yenuses 
in  bronze,  these  are  real  refreshin'  to  see,  and  a 
change.  And  in  furs  and  such  their  display  is  mag- 
nificent. 

Russia  shows  eight  hundred  schools  in  the  Lib- 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  321 

eral  Art  Department,  and  it  is  here  that  the  beautiful 
pieces  of  embroidery  made  by  the  larger  scholars  for 
Airs.  Grover  Cleveland  are  displayed. 

No,  Russia  don't  forgit  the  past. 

And  the  display  of  laces  in  the  Belgian  exhibit  is 
sunthin'  to  remember  for  a  hull  lifetime,  and  its 
pottery,  and  gems,  and  bronzes.  And  the  exhibit 
of  Switzerland,  though  not  so  large  as  some  of  the 
rest,  is  uneek.  Their  exhibit  is  all  surrounded  by 
a  panorama  of  the  Alps,  the  high  mountains  a-look- 
in'  down  into  the  peaceful  valley,  with  its  arts  and 
industries. 

Great  Britain  don't  make  so  much  show  in  her 
pavilions  and  in  showin'  off  her  things  ;  but  come 
to  examine  it  clost,  and  you'll  sec,  as  is  generally 
the  case  with  our  Ma  Country,  the  sterling,  sound 
qualities  of  solid  worth. 

Her  immense  display  of  furniture,  jewelry,  and 
all  objects  of  art  and  industry  are  worth  spendin' 
weeks  over,  and  then  you'd  want  to  stay  longer. 

They  don't  make  any  attempt  at  display  in  pavil- 
ions and  show  winders.  But  in  the  plain,  rich  cases 
you  find  some  of  the  most  wonderful  and  gorgeous 
works  of  man. 

I  spoze,  mebby,  as  is  the  nater  <>f  showin'  off,  the 
Ma  Country  felt  some  as  if  she    wnz   right    in   the 


322  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

family,  and  she  and  her  daughter  America  hadn't 
ort  to  dress  up  and  try  to  put  on  so  many  ornaments 
as  the  visitors. 

I  make  a  practice  of  that  myself,  to  try  to  not 
dress  up  quite  so  ornamental  as  my  company 
duz. 

But  for  solid  worth  and  display,  as  I  say,  Great 
Britain  and  the  United  States  are  where  they 
always  are — in  the  first  rank. 

But,  speakin  of  the  visitors  of  the  nation,  if  you 
want  to  git  a  good  sight  of  'em,  jest  stand  in  the 
clock  tower,  which  looms  up  in  the  centre  of  the 
forty-acre  buildin',  as  high  as  a  Chicago  house  (and 
that  is  savin'  enough  for  hite),  and  you'll  see  all 
round  you  all  the  nations  of  the  earth. 

The  guests  of  the  nation  occupy  the  place  of 
honor,  as  they  ort  to. 

Lookin'  down,  you  see  the  Mags  of  Great  Britain, 
France,  Germany,  Russia,  Austria,  Japan,  India, 
Switzerland,  Persia,  Mexico,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Wall,  Josiah  wanted  to  go  up  to  the  top  of  the 
buildin'  on  the  elevator,  and  though  T  considered  it 
resky,  I  consented,  and  would  you  believe  it — I 
don't  suppose  you  will — but  to  look  down  from 
that  hite,  human  bein's  don't  look  much  larger 
than  flies.     There  they  vvuz,  a-creepin'  round  in  their 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  $2$ 

toy-house  fly-traps  ;  it  wuz  a  sight  never  to  be  forgot 
as  long  as  Memory  sets  upon  her  high  throne. 

Wall,  as  I  said,  in  them  pavilions  and  gorgeous 
glass  cases  in  that  vast  buildin'  you  can  find  every- 
thing from  every  country  on  the  globe. 

Everything  you  ever  hearn  on,  and  everything 
you  ever  didn't  hearn  on,  from  the  finest  lace  to  iron 
gates  and  fences — 

From  big,  splendid  rooms,  all  furnished  off  in 
the  most  splendid  manner  with  the  most  gorgeous 
draperies  and  furniture,  to  a  tiny  gold  and  diamond 
ring  for  a  baby,  and  everything  else  under  the  sun, 
moon,  and  stars,  from  a  pill  to  a  monument. 

Pictures,  and  statuary,  and  bronzes,  and  every 
other  kind  of  beautiful  ornament,  that  makes  you 
fairly  stunted  with  admiration  as  you  look  on  'em. 

At  one  place  a  silver  fountain  wuz  sendin'  up  con- 
stantly a  spray  of  the  sweetest  perfume,  and  when 
I  first  looked  at  it,  Josiah  wuz  a-holdin'  his  bandana 
handkerchief  under  it,  and  he  wuz  a-dickerin'  with 
the  girl  that  stood  behind  it  as  to  what  such  a 
fountain  cost,  and  where  he  could  git  the  water 
to  run  one. 

Sez  he,  "  I'd  give  a  dollar  bill  to  have  such  a 
stream  a-runnin'  through  our  front  yard." 

I    hunched    him,    and    sez    I,    "  Keep  still ;  don't 


324  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

show  your  ignorance.  It  hain't  nateral  water  ;  it  is 
manafactured." 

"Wall,  all  water  is  manafactured!  Dum  it,  the 
stream  that  runs  through  our  beaver  medderis  made 
somehow,  or  most  probable  it  wouldn't  be  there." 

But  I  drawed  him  away  and  headed  him  up 
before  some  lovely  dresses — the  handsomest  you 
ever  see  in  your  life — all  trimmed  with  gold  and 
pearl  trimmin'.  The  price  of  that  outfit  wuz  only 
twenty  thousand  dollars. 

And  when  I  mentioned  how  becomin'  such  a 
dress  would  become  me,  I  see  by  his  words 
and  mean  that  he  had  forgot  the  fountain. 

The  demeanin'  words  that  he  used  about  my 
figger  would  keep  females  back  from  matrimony, 
if  they  knew  on  'em. 

But  1  won't  tell.      No,  indeed  ! 

And  then  there  wuz  all  sorts  of  art  work  on 
enamel  and  metal,  and  all  sorts  of  dazzlin'  jewelry 
that  wuz  ever  made  or  thought  on,  and  all  the  silver- 
ware that  wuz  ever  hearn  or  drempt  of — -why,  jest 
one  little  service  of  seven  pieces  cost  twenty  thou- 
sand dollars. 

In  Tiffany's  gorgeous  display  wuz  a  case  that 
illustrated  the  arts  in  Ireland  in  the  fourteenth 
century. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  325 

They  said  that  it  contained  a  tooth  of  St.  Patrick. 
Mebbe  it  wuz  his  tooth  ;  I  can't  dispute  it,  never 
havin'  seen  his  gooms. 

Then  there  wuz  a  Latin  book  of  the  eighth  cen- 
tury, containin'  the  four  gospels ;  and  in  another 
wuz  St.  Peter's  cross,  they  said.  Mebby  it  wuz 
Peter's  ! 

And  every  kind  of  silk  fabric  that  wuz  ever 
made — raw  silk,  jest  as  the  worm  left  it  when  she 
sot  up  as  a  butterfly,  and  jest  what  man  has  done  to 
it  after  that — spinnin',  weavin',  dyein' — up  to  the 
time  when  it  appears  in  the  finest  ribbon,  and 
glossiest  silk,  and  crapes,  and  gauzes,  and  velvets, 
and  knit  goods  of  every  kind,  and  etc.,  and  so  forth. 

And  every  kind  of  cloth,  and  felt,  and  woollen, 
and  carpets  enough  to  carpet  a  path  clear  from 
Chicago  to  Jonesville  for  me  and  Josiah  to  go  home 
in  a  triumphal  procession,  if  they  had  felt  like  it. 

In  front  of  the  French  section  I  see  another 
statute  of  the  Republic. 

She  wuz  a-settin'  down.  Poor  creeter,  she  wuz 
tired  ;  and  then  agin  she  had  seen  trouble — lots  of  it. 

Her  left  arm  was  a-restin'  firm  on  a  kind  of  a 
square  block,  with  "The  Rights  of  Man"  carved  on 
it,  and  half  hidin'  them  words  wuz  a  sword,  which 
she  also  held  in  her  left  hand. 


326  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

The  rights  of  Man  and  a  sword  wuz  held  in  one 
hand,  jest  as  they  always  have  been. 

But,  poor  creeter  !  her  right  arm  wuz  gone — her 
good  right  hand  wuz  nowhere  to  be  seen. 

I  don't  like  to  talk  too  glib  about  the  judgments 
of  Providence.  The  bad  boys  don't  always  git 
drownded  when  they  go  fishin'  Sundays — they  often 
git  home  with  long  strings  of  trout,  and  lick  the 
good  boys  on  their  way  home  from  Sunday-school. 
Such  is  real  life,  too  oft. 

But  I  couldn't  help  savin'  to  Josiah — 

"  Mebby  if  they  had  put  onto  that  little  monu- 
ment she  holds,  'The  Rights  of  Man  and  Woman' 
— mebby  she  wouldn't  had  her  arm  took  off." 

But  anyway,  judgment  or  not,  anybody  could  see 
with  one  eye  how  one-sided,  and  onhandy,  and 
cramped,  and  maimed,  and  everything  a  Republic 
is  who  has  the  use  of  only  one  of  her  arms. 
Them  that  run  could  read  the  great  lesson — - 

"  Male  and  female  created  He  them." 

Both  arms  are  needed  to  clasp  round  the  old 
world,  and  hold  it  firm — Justice  on  one  side,  Love 
on  the  other. 

I  felt  sorry  for  the  Republic — sorry  as  a  dog. 

But  that  wuz  the  first  time  I  see  her.  The  next 
time  she  had  had  her  arm  put  on. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  327 

I  guess  Uncle  Sam  done  it.  That  old  man  is 
a-gittin'  waked  up,  and  Eternal  Right  is  a-hunchin' 
him  in  the  sides. 

She  wuz  a-holdin'  that  right  arm  up  towards  the 
Heavens ;  the  fingers  wuz  curved  a  little — they 
seemed  to  be  begenin'  to  sunthin'  up  in  the  sky  to 
come  down  and  bless  the  world. 

Mebby  it  wuz  Justice  she  wuz  a-callin'  on  to 
come  down  and  watch  over  the  rights  of  wimmen. 
Anyway,  she  looked  as  well  agin  with  both  arms  on 
her. 

Amongst  the  wonders  of  beauty  in  the  French 
exhibit  we  see  that  vase  of  Gustave  Dore's.  That 
attracted  crowds  of  admirers  the  hull  time  ;  it  stood 
up  fifteen  feet  high,  and  every  inch  of  it  wuz  beau- 
tiful enough  for  the  very  finest  handkerchief  pin  ! 

There  wuz  hundreds  of  riggers  from  the  animal 
and  vegetable  kingdom,  and  Mythology — cupids, 
nymphs,  birds,  and  butterflies  disportin'  themselves 
in  the  most  graceful  way,  and  such  beautiful  female 
riggers  ! — Venuses  as  beautiful  as  dreams,  and  over 
all,  and  through  all,  wuz  a-trailin'  the  rich  clusters 
of  the  vine. 

The  figgers  seemed  at  first  sight  to  kind  o'  encour- 
age wine-makin'  and  wine-drinkin'.  But  look  clost, 
and  you'd  see   on   one  side,  workin'    his   stiddy  way 


328  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

up  through  the  fairy  landscape,  up  through  the  gay 
revellers,  a  venemous  serpent  wuz  a-creepin'. 

He  wuz  bound  to  be  there,  and  Venus  or  Nymph, 
or  any  of  'em  that  touched  that  foamin'  wine,  had 
to  be  stung  by  his  deadly  venoms.  Mr.  Dore  made 
that  plain. 

Wall,  we  tried  to  the  best  of  our  ability  to  not 
slight  a  single  country,  but  I'm  afraid  we  did  ;  I 
tried  to  act  the  part  of  a  lady  and  pay  atten- 
tion to  the  hull  on  'em,  but  I'm  afraid  that 
fifty  or  sixty  countries  had  reason  to  feel  that  we 
slighted  'em  ;  but  I  hope  that  this  will  explain  mat- 
ters to  'em. 

I  felt  that  I  hadn't  done  justice  to  our  own 
country  and  our  Ma  Country,  not  at  all ;  but  when 
you  jest  think  how  big  the  United  States  is,  and 
how  many  firms  try  to  show  off  in  every  county  of 
every  State — why,  it  tires  anybody  jest  to  think  on't ; 
and  Great  Britain  too  ;  for,  as  I  thought,  what  good 
duz  visitors  do  when  their  brain  is  a-reelin'  under 
their  head-dresses,  and  stove-pipe  hats  !  And  truly 
that  wuz  our  condition  before  we  fairly  begun  to  go 
through  the  countries. 

Beautiful  works  of  art — marvellous  exhibits  to  the 
right  of  us,  to  the  left  of  us,  and  before  us  and  be- 
hind us — forty-five  acres  on   'em.     What  wuz  two 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  329 

small  pair  of  eyes  and  four  ears  to  set  up  aginst 
this  eolossial  and  imeasureable  show  ! 

We  went  till  we  wuz  ready  to  drop  down,  and 
then  Josiah  sez,  "  Less  take  the  rest  of  the  grandeur 
for  granted,  and  less  go  somewhere  and  git  a  cup 
of  tea,  and  a  nip  of  sunthin'  to  eat." 

I  said  sunthin'  about  hurtin'  the  different  countries 
feelin's  by  not  payin'  attention  to  'em. 

And  he  sez,  "  Dum  it  all,  I  don't  know  as  it 
would  make  'em  any  happier  to  have  two  old  folks 
die  on  their  hands  ;  and  I  feel,  Samantha,  that  the 
end  is  a-drawin'  near/'  sez  he. 

He  did  look  real  bad.  So  we  went  to  the  near- 
est place  and  got  a  cup  of  tea,  and  rested  a  spell, 
and  when  we  come  back  wTe  kinder  left  the  Mana- 
factures  part,  and  tackled  the  Liberal  part,  and  I 
declare  that  wuz  the  best  of  all  by  fur. 

That  wuz  enough  to  lift  up  anybody's  morals,  and 
prop  'em  up  strong,  to  see  how  much  attention  is 
paid  to  education  and  trainin'  right  from  the 
nursery  up — devolipin'  the  mind  and  the  body. 

It  wuz  some  as  if  the  Manafactures  part  tended 
to  the  house  and  clothin',  and  this  part  tended  to  the 
livin'  soul  that  inhabited  it. 

It  wuz  dretful  interestin'  to  see  everything  about 
devolipin'  the  strength  and   muscle   in  gymnasiums, 


330  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

skatin',  rowin',  boatin',  and  every  other  way.  Food 
supply  and  its  distribution,  school  kitchens.  How 
to  make  buildin's  the  best  way  for  health  and  com- 
fort for  workin'men,  school-housen,  churches,  and 
etc.  How  to  heat  and  ventilate  housen,  how  to 
keep  the  sewers  and  drains  all  right,  and  how  nec- 
cessary  that  is !  Some  folkses  back  doors  are  a 
abomination  when  their  front  doors  are  full  of 
ornament. 

All  kinds  of  instruction  in  infant  schools,  kinder- 
gartens ;  domestic  and  industrial  trainin'  for  girls, 
models  for  teachin'  and  cookery,  housework,  dress- 
making etc.  ;  how  neccessary  this  is  to  turn  out  girls 
for  real  life,  so  much  better  than  to  have  'em  know 
Greek,  but  not  know  a  potatoe  from  a  turnip  ;  to 
understand  geology,  but  not  recognize  a  shirt  gusset 
from  a  baby's  bib  ! 

Books,  literature,  examples  of  printin'  paper, 
bindin',  religion,  natural  sciences,  fine  arts,  school- 
books,  newspapers,  library  apparatus,  publications 
by  Goverment,  etc. 

And  wuzn't  it  a  queer  coincidence  ?  that  right 
where  books  wuz  all  round  me,  right  while  my  eyes 
wuz  sot  on  'em — 

I  hearn  a  voice  I  recognized.  It  wuz  a-givin' 
utterance  to  the  words  I  had  heard  so  often — 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  33I 

"Two  dollars  and  a  half  for  cloth — three  for 
sheep,  and  four  for  morocco." 

I  turned,  and  there  she  wuz  ;  there  stood  Arvilly 
Lanfear.  She  wuz  in  front  of  a  g'ood,  meek-lookin' 
freckled  woman,  a-canvassin'  her. 

Or,  that  is,  she  wuzn't  exactly  applyin'  the  canvas 
to  her,  but  she  wuz  a-preparin'  her  for  it. 

It  seemed  that  she  had  been  introduced  to  her, 
and  wuz  a-goin'  to  call  on  her  the  next  day  with  the 
book. 

Sez  I,  advancin'  onto  her,  "  Arvilly  Lanfear, 
did  you  really  git  here  alive  and  well  ?" 

"  Wall,"  sez  she,  "  I  shouldn't  have  got  here,  most 
likely,  if  I  wuzn't  alive,  and  I  never  wuz  so  well  in 
my  life,  in  body  and  in  sperits.  Hain't  it  glorious 
here  ?"  sez  she. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  ;  and,  sez  I,  "Arvilly,  did  you  walk 
afoot  all  the  way  here  ?" 

And  then  she  went  on  and  related  her  experience. 

She  said  that  she  wuz  live  weeks  on  her  way,  and 
made  money  all  the  way  over  and  above  her  ex- 
penses.     She  walked  the  most  of  the  way. 

She  wuz  now  a-boardin'  with  a  old  acquaintance 
at  five  dollars  a  week,  and  she  canvassed  three  days 
in  the  week,  and  come  three  days  to  the  Fair,  and 
more'n  paid  her  way  now. 


332  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

Sez  I,  "  Arvilly,  you  look  better  than  I  ever  knew 
you  to  look  ;  you  look  ten  years  younger,  and  I 
don't  know  but  'leven." 

Sez  I,  "  Your  face  has  got  a  good  color,  and  your 
eyes  are  bright."  Sez  I,  "  You  hain't  enjoyin'  sech 
poor  health  as  you  did  sometimes  in  Jonesville,  be 
you  ?" 

Sez  she,  "  I  never  wuz  so  well  before  in  my  life  !" 

Sez  I,  "  You've  somehow  got  a  different  look 
onto  you,  Arvilly."  Sez  I,  "  Somehow,  you  look 
more  meller  and  happy." 

"  I  be  happy  !"  sez  she. 

Sez  I,  "  I  spoze  you  are  still  a-sellin'  the  same  old 
book,  the  '  Wild,  Wicked,  and  Warlike  Deeds  of 
Man'?" 

She  kinder  blushed,  and,  sez  she,  "  No  ;  I  have 
took  up  a  new  work." 

"  What  is  it  ?"  sez  I,  for  she  seemed  to  kinder 
hang  back  from  tellm,  but  finally  she  sez,  "  It  is 
the  '  Peaceful,  Prosperous,  and  Precious  Perform- 
ances of  Man.'" 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "I'm  glad  on't.  Men  should  be 
walked  round  and  painted  on  all  sides  to  do  justice 
to  'em. 

"  'Im  real  glad  that  you're  a-goin'  to  canvas  on  his 
better  side,  Arvilly." 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  333 

"Yes,"  sez  she,  "men  are  amiable  and  noble 
creeters  when  you  git  to  understand  'em." 

The  change  in  her  mean  and  her  sentiments  almost 
made  my  brain  reel  under  my  slate-colored  straw  bun- 
net,  and  my  knees  fairly  trembled  under  my  frame. 

And,  sez  I,  "Arvilly,  explain  to  a  old  and  true 
friend  the  change  that  has  come  onto  you." 

So  we  withdrew  our  two  selves  to  a  sheltered 
nook,  and  there  the  story  wuz  onfolded  to  me  in 
perfect  confidence,  and  it  must  be  kep.  I  will  tell 
it  in  my  own  words,  for  she  rambles  a  good  deal  in 
her  talk,  and  that  is,  indeed,  a  fault  in  female  wim- 
men. 

Thank  Heaven  !  I  hain't  got  it. 

It  seems  that  when  she  sot  out  for  the  World's 
Fair  with  the  "  Wild,  Wicked,  and  Warlike  Deeds  of 
Man,"  she  had  only  a  dollar  in  her  pocket,  but 
hoards  and  hoards  of  pluck  and  patience. 

She  canvassed  along,  a-walkin'  afoot — some  days 
a-makin'  nothin'  and  bein'  clear  discouraged,  and 
anon  makin'  a  little  sunthin',  and  then  agin 
makin'  first  rate  for  a  day  or  two,  as  the  way  of 
agents  is. 

Till  one  day  about  sundown — she  hadn't  seen  a 
house  for  milds  back — she  come  to  a  little  house 
a-standin'    back   on   the   edge   of  a  pleasant  strip  of 


334  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

woods.  A  herd  of  sleek  cows  and  some  horses  and 
some  sheep  wuz  in  pastures  alongside  of  it,  and  a 
little  creek  of  sparklin'  water  run  before  it,  and  she 
went  over  a  rustic  bridge,  up  through  a  pretty  front 
yard,  into  a  little  vine-shaded  porch,  and  rapped  at 
the  door. 

Nobody  come  ;  she  rapped  agin  ;  nobody  made  a 
appearance. 

But  anon  she  hearn  a  low  groanin'  and  cryin' 
inside. 

!So,  bein'  at  the  bottom  one  of  the  kindest- 
hearted  creeters  in  the  world,  but  embittered  by 
strugglin'  along  alone,  Arvillv  opened  the  door  and 
went  in.  She  went  through  a  little  parlor  into  the 
back  room,  and  wuzn't  that  a  sight  that  met  her 
eyes  ? 

A  good-lookin'  man  of  about  Arvilly's  age  laid 
there  all  covered  with  blood  and  fainted  entirely 
away,  and  on  his  breast  wuz  throwed  the  form  of  a 
little  lame  girl  all  covered  with  blood,  and  a-cryin' 
and  a-groanin'  as  if  her  heart  would  break. 

She  thought  her  Pa  wuz  dead. 

It  seemed  that  he  had  cut  his  head  dretfully  with 
a  tree  branch  a-fallin'  onto  it,  and  had  jest  made  out 
to  git  to  the  house  before  he  fainted  ;  and  his  little 
girl,  havin'  never  seen  a  faint,  thought  it  wuz  death  ; 
and  it  is  its  first  cousin. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  335 

Wall,  here  wuz  a  place  for  Arvilly's  patience,  and 
pluck,  and  faculty,  to  soar  round  in. 

The  first  thing,  she  took  up  the  little  lame  girl  in 
her  arms — a  sweet  little  creeter  of  five  summers — and 
sot  her  in  a  chair,  and  comforted  her  by  tellin'  her 
that  her  Pa  would  be  all  right  in  a  few  minutes. 

And  she  then,  (and  I  don't  spoze  that  she  had 
ever  been  nigher  to  a  good-lookin'  man  than  from 
three  to  five  feet,)  but  she  had  to  lift  up  his  head 
and  wash  the  blood  from  the  clusterin'  brown  hair, 
with  some  threads  of  silver  in  it,  and  tear  her  own 
handkerchief  into  strips  to  bind  up  his  wounds  ;  and 
she  had  some  court-plaster  with  her  and  other  nec- 
cessaries,  and  some  good  intment,  and  she  is  handy  at 
everything,  Arvilly  is. 

Wall,  by  the  time  that  a  pair  of  good-lookin'  blue 
eyes  opened  agin  on  this  world,  Arvilly  had  got  the 
pretty  little  girl  all  washed  and  comforted,  and  a 
piller  under  his  head  ;  and  the  minute  his  blue  eyes 
opened  a  spark  flew  out  of  'em  right  from  that  pil- 
ler that  kindled  up  a  simultanous  one  in  the  cool 
gray  orbs  of  Arvilly. 

Wall,  although  he  had  his  senses,  he  couldn't 
move  or  be  moved  for  a  day  and  a  half.  He 
didn't  want  nobody  sent  for,  and  Arvilly  dassent 
leave  'em  alone  to  go  ;  so  as  a  Christian  she  had 
to  take  holt  and  take  care  on  'em. 


33^  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Wall,  Arvilly  always  wuz,  and  always  will  be,  1 
spoze,  as  good  a  housekeeper  and  cook  as  ever  wuz 
made. 

So  I  spoze  it  wuz  a  sight  to  see  how  quick 
she  got  that  disordered  settin'-room  to  lookin' 
cozy  and  home-like,  and  a  good  supper  on  a  table 
drawed  up  to  the  side  of  the  little  lame  girl. 

And  I  spoze  that  it  wuz  one  of  the  strangest 
experiences  that  ever  took  plaee  on  this  planet, 
and  I  d'no  as  they  ever  had  any  stranger  ones  in 
Mars  or  Jupiter.  Arvilly  had  to  kinder  feed  the 
invalid  man,  Cephus  Shute  by  name — had  to  kinder 
kneel  down  by  him  and  hold  the  plate  and  teacup, 
and  help  him  to  eat. 

And,  strange  to  say,  Arvilly  wuzn't  skairt  a  mite — 
she  ruther  enjoyed  it  of  the  two  ;  for  before  two 
days  wuz  over  she  owned  up  that  if  there  wuz  any 
extra  good  bits  she'd  ruther  he'd  have  'em  than  to 
have  'em  herself. 

The  world  is  full  of  miracles ;  Sauls  breathin' 
out  vengeance  are  dropped  down  senseless  by  the 
power  of  Heaven. 

Pilgrim  Arvilly's  displayin'  abroad  the  "Wild, 
Wicked,  and  Warlike  Deeds  of  Man"  are  struck 
down  helpless  and  mute  by  the  power  of  Love. 

In  less  than  three  days  she  had  promised  to 
marry  Cephus  in  the  Fall. 


338  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

He  had  a  good  little  property- — his  wife  had  been 
dead  two  years.  His  hired  girl— a  shiftless  creeter — 
had  flown  the  day  Arvilly  got  there,  and  nothin' 
stood  in  the  way  of  marriage  and  happiness. 

Arvilly's  heart  yearned  over  the  little  girl  that 
had  never  walked  a  step,  and  she  loved  her  Pa,  and 
the  Pa  loved  her. 

When  she  sot  off  from  there  a  week  later— for  she 
wuz  bound  to  see  the  Fair,  and  quiltin'  had  to  be 
done,  and  clothin'  made  up  before  marriage,  no 
matter  how  much  Cephus  plead  for  haste — he  had 
got  well  enough  to  carry  her  ten  milds  to  the  cars, 
and  she  had  come  the  rest  of  the  way  by  rail  ;  and 
she  said,  bein'  kinder  sick  of  canvassin'  for  that  old 
book,  she  had  tackled  this  new  one,  and  wuz  havin' 
real  good  luck  with  it. 

Wall,  I  wuz  tickled  enough  for  Arvilly,  and  I 
made  up  my  mind  then  and  there  to  give  her  a  good 
linen  table-cloth  and  a  pair  of  new  woollen  sheets 
for  a  weddin'  present,  and  I  subscribed  for  the 
"  Precious  Performances"  on  the  spot.  I  didn't 
spoze  that  I  should  care  much  about  readin'  "The 
Peaceful,  Prosperous,  and  Precious  Performances 
of  Man" — 

But  I  bought  it  to  help  her  along.  I  knew  that 
she  would  have  to  buy  her  "true  so"  (that  is 
French,  and   means  weddin'  clothes),  and  1  thought 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  339 

every  little  helped  ;  but  she  said  that  it  wuz  "  A 
be-a-u-tiful  book,  so  full  of  man's  noble  deeds." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "you  know  that  I  always  told 
you  that  you  run  men  too  much." 

"  But,"  sez  she,  "  I  never  drempt  that  men  wuz 
such  lovely  creeters." 

"Oh,  wall,"  sez  I,  "as  for  that,  men  have  their 
spells  of  loveliness,  jest  like  female  mortals,  and 
their  spells  of  actin',  like  the  old  Harry." 

"  Oh,  no,"  sez  she  ;  "  they  are  a  beautiful  race  of 
bein's,  almost  perfect." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "I  hope  your  opinion  will  hold 
out."  But  I  don't  spoze  it  will.  Six  months  of  mar- 
ried life— dry  days,  and  wet  ones,  meals  on  time,  and 
meals  late,  insufficient  kindlin'  wood,  washin'  days, 
and  cleanin'  house  will  modify  her  transports  ;  but  I 
wouldn't  put  no  dampers  onto  her. 

I  merely  sez,  "  Oh,  yes,  Arvillv,  men  are  likely 
creeters  more'n  half  the  time,  and  considerable 
agreeable." 

"Agreeable!"  sez  she  ;"  they're  almost  divine." 
Arvilly  always  wuz  most  too  ramptious  in  every- 
thing she  undertook  ;  she  never  loved  to  wander 
down  the  sweet,  calm  plains  of  Megumness,  as  I  do. 

And  then  I  spoze  Cephus  made  everything  of 
her,  and  it  wuz  a  real  rarity  to  her  to  be  made  on 
and  tlattered  up  by  a  good-look  in'  man. 


340  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

But  well  he  might  make  of  her — he  will  be  doin' 
dretful  well  to  git  Arvilly  ;  she's  a  good  worker  and 
calculator,  and  her  principles  are  like  brass  and  iron 
for  soundness  ;  and  she's  real  good-lookin',  too,  now 
— looks  'leven  years  younger,  or  ten  and  a  half, 
anyway. 

But  jest  as  Arvilly  and  I  wuz  a-withdrawin'  our- 
selves from  each  other,  I  sez, 

"  Arvilly,  have  you  been  to  the  Fair  Sun- 
days ?" 

"  No,"  sez  she  ;  "  I  didn't  lay  out  to,  for  I  could 
go  week  days.  '  The  Precious  Performances '  yields 
money  to  spare  to  take  me  there  week  days,  and  you 
know  that  I  only  wanted  it  open  for  them  that 
couldn't  git  there  any  day  but  Sundays.  And  also," 
sez  she  honestly, 

"  I  talked  a  good  deal,  bein'  so  mad  at  the  Nation 
for  makin'  such  dretful  hard  work  partakin'  of  a 
gnat,  and  then  swallerin'  down  Barnum's  hull  circus, 
side-shows  and  all. 

"Why  didn't  the  Nation  shet  up  the  saloons?" 
sez  she,  in  bitter  axents.  "  Folks  can  have  their 
doubts  about  Sunday  openin'  bein'  wicked,  but  the 
Lord  sez  expressly  that  'no  drunkard  can  inherit 
Heaven.'  The  nation  wuz  so  anxious  to  set  pat- 
terns before  the  young — why  wuzn't  it  afraid  to  turn 
human  bein's  into  fiends  before  'em,  liable  to  shoot 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  341 

down  these  dear  young  folks,  or  lead  'em  into  paths 
worse  than  death  ? 

"And  it  wuz  so  anxious  to  show  off  well  before 
foreign  nations.  Wuz  it  any  prettier  sight  to  reel 
round  before  'em,  drunk  as  a  fool,  a-committin'  sui- 
cide, and  rapinin',  and  murder,  and  actin'  ?  I  wuz 
so  mad,"  sez  Arvilly,  "that  I  felt  ugly,  and  spoze  I 
talked  so." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "they've  acted  dretful  queer  about 
Sunday  openin',  take  it  from  first  to  last. 

"But,"  sez  I,  reasonably,  "  takin'  such  a  dretful 
big  thing  onto  their  hands  to  manage  would  be  apt 
to  make  folks  act  queer. 

"  I  spoze,"  sez  I,  fallin'  a  little  ways  into  oritory — 
"  I  spoze  that  if  Josiah  and  me  had  took  a  rinoster- 
horse  to  board  durin'  the  heated  term,  our  actions 
would  often  be  termed  queer  by  our  neighbors.  To 
begin  with,  it's  bein'  such  new  business  to  us,  we 
shouldn't  know  what  to  feed  it,  to  agree  with  its 
immense  stomach  ;  we  should,  I  dare  presoom  to 
say,  try  experiments  with  it  before  we  got  the  hang 
of  its  feed,  and  peek  through  the  barn  doors  dretful 
curious  at  it  to  see  how  it  wuz  a-actin',  and  how 
its  food  wuz  agreein'  with  it. 

"We  shouldn't  dast  to  ride  it  to  water,  or  holler 
at  it,  as  if  it  wuz  a  calf ;  and  if  it  should  happen  to 
break  loose,  Heaven  knows  what  we  should  do  with  it ! 


342  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"  And  I  spoze  every  fence  would  be  full  of  neigh- 
bors a-standin1  sale  on  their  own  solid  premises, 
a-hollerin'  out  to  us  what  to  do,  and  every  one  on 
'em  mad  as  hens  if  we  didn't  foller  their  directions. 

"  Some  on  'em  hollerin'  to  us  to  mount  up  on  it 
and  ride  it  hack  into  the  barn,  when  they  knew  that 
it  would  tear  us  to  pieces  if  we  went  nigh  it  when 
it  wuz  mad.  And  some  on  'em  orderin'  us  to  git 
rid  of  it.  And  how  could  we  dispose  of  a  ragin' 
rinosterhorse  at  a  minute's  notice  ?  And  some  on  'em 
a-yellin'  at  us  to  kill  it.  I  low  could  we  kill  it,  when 
the  creeter  didn't  belong  to  us? 

"  And  some  on  'em,  not  realizin'  that  our  rinos- 
terhorse boardin'  wuz  new  business  to  us,  and  we 
wuz  liable  to  make  mistakes,  standin'  up  on  the  ruff 
of  their  own  barns,  safe  and  sound,  a-readin'  the 
Bible  to  us  and  warnin'  us,  and  we  tuggin'  away  and 
swettin'  with  this  wild  creeter  on  our  hands,  and 
tryin'  to  do  the  best  we  could  with  it. 

"And  then,  right  on  top  of  this,  Jonesville  might 
serve  a  injunction  onto  us,  that  we  had  no  right  to 
let  such  a  dangerous  creeter  into  the  precincts  of 
Jonesville  ;  and  then  we,  feelin'  kinder  sorry,  mebby, 
that  we  had  ondertook  the  job,  tried  to  git  rid  on't  ; 
and  the  rinosterhorse  owner  serves  another  injunc- 
tion on  us,  makin'  us  keep  it,  savin'  that  he'd  paid  its 
board  in  advance,  and  that  he  wouldn't  take  it  back. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  343 

"And  there  we  would  be,  all  wore  out  with  our 
job,  and  not  pleasin'  nobody,  nor  nothin',  but 
makin'  the  hull  caboodle  mad  as  hens  at  us  ;  and  we 
a-not  meanin'  any  hurt,  none  of  the  time,  a-meanin' 
well  towards  Jonesville  and  rinosterhorses.  Wouldn't 
we  be  in  a  situation  to  be  pitied,  Arvilly  ?" 

"Yes,"  sez  she,  "it  is  jest  so  as  I  tell  you; 
Cephus  sez  that  he  won't  wait  a  minute  longer 
than  September." 

I  see  how  it  wuz — she  hadn't  hearn  a  word  of  my 
remarkable  eloquence.  Like  all  the  rest,  she  had 
vivid  idees  about  Sunday  elosin'  ;  but  come  to  the 
p'int,  her  own  affairs  wuz  of  the  most  consequence. 
She  forgot  all  about  the  struggles  of  the  Directors 
in  their  efforts  to  do  what  wuz  right  and  best,  in 
thoughts  of  Cephus. 

But  I  considered  it  human  nater,  and  forgive  her. 
Wall,  after  Arvilly  left  me,  I  returned  agin  to  the 
sights  in  the  noble  Liberal  Arts  Department,  and 
see  everything  else  that  wuz  riz  up  and  helpful  ; 
and  finding  out  everything  about  the  land  and  sea, 
the  I  leavens,  and  depths  below  the  earth  and 
seas. 

And  oh,  what  queer,  queer  feelin's  that  sight  gin 
me;  they  hain't  to  be  described  upon,  and  1  hain't 
a-goin'  to  try  to  ;  it  would  be  too  much — too  much 
for  the  public  to  hear   about    it,   and  for   me  to  re- 


344  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

cord  'em  ;  though  there  wuz  plenty  of  weights, 
measures,  and  balances,  if  I  had  tried  to  tackle  the 
job  of  weighin'  'em. 

Now,  what  I  have  said  of  the  liberal  part,  and 
especially  of  the  trainin'  of  the  young,  you  can  see 
plain  that  it  wuz  as  much  more  interestin'  than  the 
manafactures  part  as  the  soul  is  superior  to  the 
body,  or  eternity  is  longer  than  time. 

So,  the  world  bein'  such  a  sort  of  a  curious  place, 
it  didn't  surprise  me  a  mite  to  see  that  this  depart- 
ment, that  wuz  the  most  important  in  the  hull 
Columbian  World's  Fair,  wuz  dretful  cramped  for 
room,  and  kinder  put  away  up-stairs. 

For,  as  I  sez  to  myself,  the  old  world  has  such 
dretful  curious  kinks  in  it,  it  didn't  surprise  me  a 
mite  to  have  this  department  sort  o'  squeezed  into 
the  end  o'  one  buildin',  and  up-stairs  kinder,  while 
the  display  for  horned  cattle  covered  over  sixty 
acres. 

A  good  many  farmers  are  as  careful  agin  of 
their  blooded  stock  as  they  are  of  the  welfare  of 
their  wives  and  children. 

They  will  put  work  and  hardship  on  the  mother 
of  their  children  that  they  wouldn't  think  of  darin' 
to  venture  with  their  cows  with  a  pedigree,  for 
they  would  say,  such  overwork  will  injure  the 
calf. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  345 

How  is  it  with  their  own  children,  when  the 
delicate  mother  does  all  the  household  drudgery  of 
a  farm,  and  milks  seven  or  eight  cows  night  and 
mornin'  ? 

Toilin'  till  late  bedtime,  gettin'  up  before  half 
rested,  and  takin'  up  agin  the  hard  toil  till  the 
little  feeble  child-life  is  born  into  the  world. 

How  is  it  with  the  mother  and  the  child? 

For  answer,  I  refer  you  to  countless  newspaper 
files,  under  the  headin'  of  "  mysterious  dispensa- 
tions of  Providence,"  and  to  old  solitary  church- 
yards, and  to  the  insane  statisticks  of  the  country. 

The  bereaved  husband,  a-blamin'  Providence,  but 
takin'  some  comfort  in  the  thought  that  "  the  Lord 
loveth  whom  He  chasteneth,"  walks  out  under  his 
mournin'  weed,  and  pats  the  sleek  sides  of  his 
Alderney  cow,  and  its  fat,  healthy  young  one,  and 
ponders  on  how  he  could  improve  their  condition, 
and  better  the  stock,  and  mebby  has  passin' 
thoughts  on  some  bloomin'  young  girl,  who  he 
could  persuade  to  try  the  fate  of  the  first. 

And  he'll  have  no  trouble  in  doin'  so — not  at  all  ; 
putty  is  hard  in  comparison  to  wimmin's  heads 
and  hearts,  sometimes. 

But  I  am,  indeed,  eppisodin',  and  to  resoom,  and 
proceed. 

In  this  world,  where-  the  material,    the   practical, 


346  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

so  oft  overshadows  the  spiritual,  it  didn't  surprise 
me  a  mite  to  have  this  noble — noble  liberal  art 
display  crowded  back  by  less  riz  up  and  exalted 
ones. 

And  oh,  what  curious  things  we  did  see  in  this 
Hall  of  Wonders — curious  as  a  dog,  and  curiouser. 

The  New  South  Wales  exhibit  in  the  west  gallery 
is  awful  big,  and  divided  into  five  courts,  and  all  full 
of  Beauty  and  Use. 

These  Australians  are  pert  and  kinder  sassy  ;  they 
look  on  our  country  as  old,  and  wore  out— some  as 
we  look  at  our  Ma  Country. 

But  their  exhibit  is  a  wonderful  one — exhibit  of 
their  mines,  that  they  say  are  a-goin'  to  be  the  rich- 
est in  the  World. 

And  lots  of  pictures  showin'  their  strange,  melan- 
choly Australian  scenery. 

And  their  big  trees.  Why,  one  of  these  trees, 
they  say,  is  the  biggest  yet  discovered  in  the  World  ; 
it  is  400  and  80  feet  high. 

And  it  wuz  here  that  I  see  the  very  queerest  thing 
that  I  ever  did  see  in  my  life  ;  it  wuz  in  their  collec- 
tion of  strange  stuffed  birds,  and  animals  which  wuz 
large,  and  complete,  and  rangin'  from  the  Emu 
down  to  a  pure  white  hummin'-bird. 

It  wuz  here  that  I  see  this  Thing  that  Scien- 
tists   hain't    never    classified  ;    it    is    about  the  size 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR 


347 


of  a  beaver — has  fur  like  a  seal,  eves  like  a  fish,  is 
web-footed,  lavs  eggs,  and  hatches  its  young  and 
lives  in  the  water. 

It  is  called  a  Platypus — there  wux  four  on  'em. 

Queer  creeter  as  I  ever  see.  No  wonder  that 
Scientists  furled  their  speetaeles  in  front  of  it,  and 
sot  down   discouraged. 

Wall,  we  hung  round  there  till  most  night,  and 
Josiah  and  I  went  home  as  tired  as  two  dogs,  and 
tireder.  And  we  both  gin  in  that  we  hadn't  seen 
nothin'  to  what  we  might  have  seen  there  ;  as  you 
may  say,  we  hadn't  done  any  more  justice  to  the 
contents  of  that  buildin'  than  we  would  if  we  had 
undertook  to  count  the  slate-stuns  in  our  old  creek 
back  of  our  house  clear  from  Jonesville  to  Zoar — ■ 
more'n  five  miles  of  clear  slate-stun.  What  could  we 
do  to  it  in  one  day  ? 

But  fatigue  and  hunger — on  Josiah's  part,  a  pran- 
cin'  team — bore  us  away,  and  we  went  home  in 
pretty  good  sperits  after  all,  though  some  late. 

Miss  Plank  had  a  good  supper.  Wewuzlate,  but 
she  had  kept  it  warm  for  us — some  briled  chicken, 
and  some  green  peas,  and  a  light  nice  puddin',  and 
other  things  aecordin'  ;  and  Josiah  did  indeed  do 
justice  to  it. 


CHAPTER   XIII. 

Wall,  the  next  day  after  our  visit  to  the  Maria- 
factures  and  Liberal  Arts  Buildin',  I  told  Josiah  to- 
day I  wouldn't  put  it  off  a  minute  longer,  I  wuz 
goin'  to  see  the  Convent  of  La  Rabida;  and  sez  I, 
"  I  feel  mortified  and  ashamed  to  think  I  hain't 
been  before."  Sez  I,  "What  would  Christopher 
Columbus  say  to  think  I  had  slighted  him  all  this 
time  if  he  knew  on't  P 

And  Josiah  said  "he  guessed  I  wouldn't  git  into 
any  trouble  with  Columbus  about  it,  after  he'd  been 
dead  four  hundred  years." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  don't  spoze  I  would,  but  I  d'no 
but  folkses  feelin's  can  be  hurt  if  their  bodies  have 
moved  away  from  earth.  I  d'no  anything  about 
it,  nor  you  don't,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  Wall,"  he  said,  "  he  wouldn't  be  afraid  to  ven- 
ter it." 

He  wanted  to  go  to  the  Live-Stock  Exhibit  that 
day — wanted  to  like  a  dog. 

But  I  persuaded  him  off  the  notion,  and  I  don't 
know  but  I  jest  as  soon  tell  how  I  clone  it. 

I    see    Columbus's    feelin's   wouldn't    do,  and  so 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR.  349 

forth,  nor  sentiment,  nor  spirituality,  don't  appeal 
to  Josiah  Allen  nothin'  as  vittles  do. 

So  I  told  him,  what  wuz  indeed  the  truth,  that 
a  restaurant  was  nigh  there  where  delicious  food 
could  be  obtained  at  very  low  prices. 

Fie  yielded  instantly,  and  sez  he,  "  It  hain't  hardly 
fair,  when  Christopher  is  the  cause  of  all  these  doin's, 
that  he  should  be  slighted  so  by  us." 

And  I  sez,  "  No,  indeed  !"  so  we  went  directly 
there  by  the  nearest  way,  which  wuz  partly  by  land 
and  partly  by  water;  and  as  our  boat  sailed  on 
through  the  waves  under  the  brilliant  sunshine  and 
the  grandeur  of  eighteen  ninety-three,  did  it  not 
make  me  think  of  Him,  weary,  despairin',  misun- 
derstood, with  his  soul  all  hemmed  in  by  envious 
and  malicious  foes,  so  that  there  wuz  but  one  open 
path  for  him  to  soar  in,  and  that  wuz  upward,  as 
his  boat  crept  and  felt  its  way  along  through  the 
night,  and  storm,  and  oncertainty  of  1492. 

Wall,  anon  or  about  that  time,  we  drew  near  the 
place  where  I  wanted  to  be. 

The  Convent  of  La  Rabida  is  a  little  to  the  east 
of  Agricultural  Hall,  a  sort  of  a  inlet  lake  that 
feeds  a  long  portion  of  the  grand  canal. 

A  promontory  is  formed  by  the  meetin'  of  the 
two  waters,  and  all  round  this  point  of  land,  risin' 
to  a  height  of  twenty-two  feet,  is  a  rough  stun  wall. 


350  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR. 

This  wall  is  a  reproduction  of  the  dangerous 
coast  of  Spain,  and  back  on  this  rise  of  ground  can 
be  seen  the  Convent  of  La  Rabida,  a  fac-simile,  or, 
as  you  might  say,  a  similer  fact,  a  exact  reproduc- 
tion of  the  convent  where  Columbus  planned  out 
his  voyage  to  the  new  world. 

Yes,  within  these  walls  wuz  born  the  great  and 
darin'  scheme  of  Columbus — a  great  birth  indeed  ; 
only  next  to  us  in  eternal  consequences  to  the  birth 
in  the  manger. 

It  stands  jest  as  it  ort  to,  a-facin'  the  risin'  sun. 

A  low,  eight-sided  cupalo  surmounts  the  choir 
space  inside  the  chapel,  and  above  the  nave  rises 
the  balcony. 

On  three  sides  of  a  broad,  open  court  are  the 
lonesome  cloisters  in  which  the  Monks  knelt  in 
their  ceaseless  prayers. 

The  chapel  floor  is  a  little  higher  than  the  court 
and  cloisters,  and  is  paved  with  bricks. 

It  wuz  at  this  very  convent  door  that  Columbus 
arrived  heartsore  and  weary  after  seven  years'  fruit- 
less labor  in  the  cause  he  held  so  clost  to  his  heart. 

Seven  long  years  that  he  had  spent  beggin'  and 
importunin'  for  help  to  carry  out  his  Heaven-sent 
visions. 

A  livin'  light  shinin'  in  his  sad  eyes,  and  he 
couldn't  git  anybody  else  to  see  it. 


Almost   naked. 


IT-SORE,      HEART-SORE,      HE     ARRIVED     AT     THE 
CONVENT     GATE. 


35-2  SAMANTIIA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

The  constant  washin'  of  new  seas  on  new  shores, 
and  he  couldn't  git  anybody  to  hear  'em. 

A  constant  glow,  prophetic  and  ardent,  longin'  to 
carry  the  religion  of  Christ  into  a  new  land  that  he 
knew  wuz  awaitin'  him,  hut  everybody  else  deaf  and 
dumb  to  his  heart-sick  longin's. 

Oh,  1  thought  to  myself  as  I  stood  there,  if  that 
poor  creeter  could  only  had  a  few  of  the  gorgeous 
banners  that  wuz  waved  out  to  the  air,  enough  to 
clothe  an  army  ;  if  he  could  have  only  had  enough 
of  'em  to  made  him  a  hull  shirt ;  if  he  could  have 
had  enough  of  the  banquets  spread  to  his  memory, 
enough  to  feed  all  the  armies  of  the  earth  ;  if  he 
could  have  a  slice  of  bread  and  a  good  cup  of  tea 
out  of  'em,  how  glad  I  would  be,  and  how  glad  he 
would  have  been  ! 

But  it  wuzn't  to  be,  it  wuzn't  to  be. 

Hungry  and  in  rags,  almost  naked,  foot-sore, 
heart-sore,  he  arrived  at  the  convent  gate,  to  ask 
food  and  shelter  for  himself  and  child. 

It  wuz  here  that  he  found  an  asylum  for  a  few 
years,  carryin'  on  his  plans,  makin'  out  new  argu- 
ments, stronger,  mebby,  than  he  had  argued  with 
for  seven  stiddy  years,  and  I  should  a  thought  them 
old  arguments  must  have  been  wore  out. 

It  wuz  in  one  of  the  rooms  of  the  convent  that 
he   met    the    Monks   in    debate,    and    also    argued 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  353 

back  and  forth  with  Garcia  Fernandez  and  Alonzo 
Penzen,  gettin'  the  better  of  Alonzo  every  time,  but 
makin'  it  up  to  him  afterwards  by  lettin'  him  com- 
mand one  of  the  vessels  of  his  fleet.  It  wuz  from 
here  the  superior  of  the  convent,  won  over  by 
Columbuses  eloquence,  went  for  audience  with  the 
Queen,  and  from  it  Columbus  wuz  summoned  to 
appear  at  court. 

In  this  very  convent  he  made  his  preparations  for 
his  voyage,  and  on  the  mornin'  he  sailed  from 
Palos  he  worshipped  God  in  this  little  chapel. 
What  visions  riz  up  before  his  eyes  as  he  knelt  on 
the  brick  floor  of  that  little  chapel,  jest  ready  to 
leave  the  certainty  and  sail  out  into  the  oncer- 
tainty,  leavin'  the  oncertainty  and  goin'  out  into 
the  certainty  ! 

A  curious  prayer  that  must  have  been,  and  a  riz 
up  one. 

In  that  prayer,  in  the  confidence  and  aspiration 
of  that  one  man,  lay  the  hull  new  world.  The  hope, 
the  freedom,  the  liberty,  the  enlightenment  of  a 
globe,  jest  riz  up  on  the  breath  of  that  one  prayer. 

A  momentious  prayer  as  wuz  ever  riz  up  on 
earth. 

But  the  stun  walls  didn't  give  no  heed  to  it,  and 
I  dare  say  that  Alonzo  and  the  rest  wuz  sick 
a-waitin'  for  him,  and  wanted  to  cut  it  short. 


354 


SA.MANTHA   AT   THE    W 


,D'S   FAIR. 


Yes,  Columbus  must  have  had  emotions  in  this 
convent  as  hefty  and  as  soarin'  as  they  make,  and 
truly  they  must  have  been  immense  to  gone  ahead  of 
mine,  as  I  stood  there  and  thought  on  him,  what 
he  had  done  and  what  he  had  suffered. 

Why,  I  had  more'n  a  hundred  and  twenty-five 
or  thirty  a  minute  right  along,  and  I  don't  know 
hut   more. 

When  I  sec  them  relies  of  that  noble  crceter, 
paper  that  he  had  had  his  own  hand  on,  that  his 
own  eyes  had  looked  at,  his  own  brain  had 
dictated,  every  one  of  'em  full  of  the  ar- 
dentcy  and  earnestness  of  his  religion — 
why,  they  increased  the  number  and  fre- 
quency of  my  emotions  to  a  almost  alarm- 
in'  extent. 

Here  are  twenty-nine  manuscripts  all  in 
his  own  hand. 
They  are  truly  worth  more  than  their  weight   in 
gold — they  are  worth  their  weight  in  diamonds. 

Amongst  the  most  priceless  manuscripts  and 
documents  is  the  original  of  the  contract  made  with 
the  Soverigns  of  Spain  before  his  first  voyage,  under 
which  Columbus  made  his  first  voyage  to  America. 
The  most  remarkable  contract  that  wuz  ever 
drawn,  in  which  the  Soverigns  of  Spain  guaranteed 
to  Columbus  and  his  heirs  forever  one  eighth  of  all 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  355 

that  might  be  produced  of  any  character  whatever 
in  any  land  he  might  discover,  and  appinted  him  and 

his  descendants  perpetual  rulers  over  such  lands, 
with  the  title  of  Viceroy. 

I  looked  at  the  contract,  and  then  thought  of 
how  Columbus  died  in  poverty  and  disgrace,  and 
now,  four  hundred  years  after  his  death,  the  world 
a-spendin'  twenty  million  to  honor  his  memory. 

A  sense  of  the  folly  and  the  strangeness  of  all 
things  come  over  me  like  a  liood,  and  I  bent  my 
head  in  shame  to  think  I  belonged  to  a  race  of 
bein's  so  ongrateful,  and  so  lyin',  and  everything 
else. 

I  thought  of  that  humble  grave  where  a  broken 
heart  hid  itself  four  hundred  years  ago,  and  then  I 
looked  out  towards  that  matchless  White  City  of 
gorgeous  palaces  riz  up  to  his  honor  four  hundred 
years  too  late  ;  and  a  sense  of  the  futility  of  all  things, 
the  pity  of  it,  the  vanity  of  all  things  here  below, 
swept  over  me,  and  instinctively  I  lay  holt  of  my 
pardner's  arm,  and  thought  for  a  minute  I  must 
leave  the  buildin'  ;  but  I  thought  better  on't,  and  he 
thought  I  laid  holt  of  his  arm  as  a  mark  of  affection. 
And  I  didn't,  ondeceive  him  in  it. 

Then  there  is  Columbuses  commission  as  Ad- 
miral of  the  Ocean  Seas. 

His  correspondence  with  Ferdinand  and   Isabella 


356  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

before  and  after  his  discover}-,  and  a  host  of  other 
invaluable  papers  loaned  by  the  Spanish  Goverment 
and  the  living  descendants  of  Columbus  in  Spain. 
And  there  is  pieces  of  the  house  his  father-in-law 
built  for  him — a  cane  made  from  one  of  the  jistes, 
and  the  shutters  of  one  of  the  windows.  Columbuses 
own  hand  may  have  opened  them  shutters  !  O  my 
heart  !  think  on't. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  original  copy  of  the  first 
books  relatin'  to  America,  over  one  hundred  of  'em, 
obtained  from  the  Vatican  at  Rome,  and  museums, 
and  libraries,  in  London,  and  Paris,  and  Madrid, 
and  Washington,  D.  C.  They  are  writ  by  Lords, 
and  Cardinals,  and  Bishops,  way  back  as  fur  as  four- 
teen hundred  and  ninety-three. 

Then  there  wuz  quaint  maps  and  charts  of  the 
newly  discovered  country,  lookin'  some  as  our  first 
maps  would  of  Mars,  if  the  United  States  had  made 
up  its  mixid  to  annex  that  planet,  and  Uncle  Sam  had 
jest  begun  to  lay  it  out  into  countries. 

Then  there  are  the  portraits  of  Columbus.  Good 
creeter  !  it  seemed  a  pity  to  see  so  many  of  'em — his 
enemies  might  keep  right  on  abusin'  him,  and  say 
that  he  wuz  double-faced,  or  sixty  or  eighty  faced, 
when  I  know,  and  they  all  oil  to  know,  that  he  wuz 
straightforward  and  stiddv  as  the  sun.  Poor  creeter  ! 
it  wuz  too  bad  that  there  should  be  so  many  of  'em. 


P<><  PR    i   1.1  I.I  ER  !      IT    Wi 


!AIJ     THAI'      THERE      SHOULD    BE    SO    MANY 
OF    'KM. 


35§  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Then  there  are  models  and  photographs  of  statutes 
and  monuments  of  him,  and  the  very  stun  and  clay 
that  them  tall  monuments  is  made  of,  mebby  they  are 
the  very  stuns  that  hurt  his  bare  feet,  and  the  clay  the 
very  same  his  tears  had  fell  on,  as  he'd  throw  him- 
self down  heart-weary  on  his  lonesome  pilgrimages. 
I  dare  presoom  to  say  that  he  would  lay  his  head 
down  under  some  wayside  tree  and  cry — I  hain't  a 
doubt  on't. 

When  I  thought  it  over,  how  much  had  been  said 
about  Columbus  even  durin'  the  last  year  in  Jones- 
ville  and  Chicago,  to  say  nothin'  about  the  rest  of 
the  world,  it  wuz  a  treat  indeed  to  see  the  first 
printed  allusion  that  wuz  ever  made  to  Columbus, 
about  three  months  after  Columbus  arrived  in 
Portugal,  March  fifteenth,  fourteen  hundred  and 
ninety-three.  It  was  writ  by  Mr.  Carvugal,  Spanish 
Cardinal. 

In  it  Mr.  Carvugal  says— 

"  And  Christ  placed  under  their  rule  (Ferdinand 
and  Isabella)  the  Fortunate  Islands." 

I  sez  to  Josiah,  "  I  guess  if  Mr.  Carvugal  was  sot 
down  here  to-day,  and  see  what  he  would  see  here, 
he  would  be  apt  to  think  indeed  they  wuz  Fortu- 
nate Islands." 

But  as  I  said  that  I  heard  a  voice  a-sayin' — 

"Who  is  Mr.  Carvugal,  Samantha  ?" 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  359 

I  recognized  the  voice,  and  I  sez,  "  Why,  Irena 
Flanders,  is  it  you  ?  I  have  been  to  see  you  ;  I 
hearn  you  wuz  sick." 

"  Yes,"  sez  she,  "  I  wuz  beat  out,  and  I  thought  I 
couldn't  stand  it  ;  but  I  feel  better  to-day,  so  we 
have  been  to  the  Forestry  Buildin',  and  thought 
we  would  come  in  here." 

But  I  see  that  she  didn't  feel  as  I  did  about  the 
immortal  relics,  but  she  kinder  pretended  to,  as 
folks  will  ;  and  Elam  and  Josiah  went  to  talkin' 
about  hayin',  and  wondered  how  the  crops  wuz 
a-gittin'  along  in  Jonesville.  But  I  kep  on  a-lookin' 
round  and  listenin'  to  Irena's  remarks  about  her 
symptoms  with  one  half  of  my  mind,  or  about 
half,  and  examinin'  the  relics  with  the  other  half. 

There  wuz  a  little  Latin  book  with  queer  wood- 
cuts, "  Concernin'  Islands  lately  discovered,"  pub- 
lished in  Switzerland  in  1494;  under  the  title  it 
begun — "  Christopher  Colum — " 

It  made  me  mad  to  hear  that  good,  noble  creeter's 
name  cut  off  and  demeaned,  and  I  told  Irena  so. 

And  she  sez,  "That's  what  little  Benjy  calls  our 
old  white  duck  ;  his  name  is  Columbus,  but  he  calls 
it  Colum." 

She  is  a  great  duck-raiser;  but  1  didn't  thank  her 
for  alludin'  to  barn-yard  fowls  in  such  a  time  as 
this. 


360  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Wall,  there  wuz  the  first  life  of  Columbus  ever 
writ,  by  his  son  Farnendo. 

And  a  book  relatin'  to  the  namin'  of  America. 
I  thought  it  would  been  a  good  plan  if  there 
had  been  a  few  more  about  that,  and  had  named  it 
Columbia— jest  what  it  ort  to  be,  and  not  let 
another  man  take  the  honor  that  should  have  been 
Christopher's. 

But  I  meditated  on  what  a  queer  place  this  old 
world  wuz,  and  how  nateral  for  one  man  to  toil  and 
work,  and  another  step  in  and  take  the  pay  for  it  ; 
so  it  didn't  surprise  me  a  mite,  but  it  madded  me 
some. 

Then  there  wuz  the  histories  of  the  different 
cities  where  he  wuz  born,  and  the  different  places 
where  his  bones  repose. 

Poor  creeter  !  they  fit  then  because  they  didn't 
want  his  bones,  and  they  starved  him  so  that  he 
wuzn't  much  besides  bones,  and  they  didn't  want 
his  bones  anyway,  and  they  put  chains  onto  them 
poor  old  bones,  and  led  'em  off  to  prison. 

And  now  hull  cities  and  countries  would  hold  it 
their  chief  honor  to  lie  about  it,  and  claim  the  credit 
of  givin'  'em  burial.      O  dear  suz  !     O  dear  me  ! 

Wall,  there  wuz  one  of  the  anchors,  and  the  cam 
vas  used  by  Columbus  on  board  his  flag-ship. 

The  verv  canvas  that  the  wind  swelled   out  and 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  361 

wafted  the  great  Discoverer.  O  my  heart,  think 
on't  ! 

And  then  there  wuz  the  ruins  of  the  little  town 
of  Isabella,  the  first  established  in  the  new  world, 
brung  lately  from  San  Domingo  by  a  man-of-war. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  first  church  bell  that 
ever  rung  in  .America,  presented  to  the  town  of 
Isabella  by  King  Ferdinand. 

Oh,  if  I  could  have  swung  out  with  that  old  bell, 
and  my  senses  could  have  took  in  the  sights  and 
seens  the  sound  had  echoed  over  !  What  a  sight — 
what  a  sight  it  would  have  been  ! 

Ringin'  out  barbarism  and  ringin'  in  the  newer 
religion  ;  ringin'  out,  as  time  went  on,  old  simple 
ways,  and  idees — mebby  bringin'  in  barbarous  ways  ; 
swingin'  back  and  forth,  to  and  fro  ;  ringin'  in  now, 
I  hope  and  pray,  the  era  of  love  and  justice,  good- 
will to  man  and  woman. 

Wall,  I  wuz  almost  lost  in  my  thoughts  in  hangin' 
over  that  old  bell.  It  had  took  me  back  into  the 
dim  old  green  forest  isles  and  onbroken  wilderness, 
when  I  heard  a  bystander  a-sayin'  to  another  one — 
"There  is  Columbuses  relations  ;  there  is  the  Duke 
of  Veragua." 

And  on  lookin'  up,  I  indeed  see  Columbuses 
own  relation  on  his  own  side,  with  his  wife  and 
daughter. 


362  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

The  relation  on  Columbuses  side  wuz  a  middlin 
good-lookin'  and  a  good-natered  look  in'  man,  no 
taller  than  Josiah,  with  blue  eves,  gray  hair,  and 
short  whiskers. 

His  wife  wuz  a  good-lookin',  plump  woman,  some 
younger  apparently  than  he  wuz,  and  the  daughter 
wuz  pretty  and  fresh-lookin'  as  a  pink  rose. 

I  liked  their  looks  first  rati'. 

And  jest  the  minute  my  eyes  fell  on  'cm,  so  quiek 
my  intellect  moves,  I  knew  what  was  incumbent 
on  me  to  do. 

It  wuz  my  place,  it  would  be  expected  of  me — I 
must  welcome  them  to  America  ;  T  must,  in  the  name 
of  my  own  dignity,  and  the  power  of  the  Nation,  gin 
'em  the  freedom  of  Jonesville.  I  must  not  slight 
them  for  their  own  sakes,  and  their  noble  ancestors. 

One  human  weakness  might  be  discovered  in  me 
by  a  clost  observer  in  that  rapt  hour  :  I  didn't  really 
know  howr  to  address  the  wife  of  the  Duke. 

And  I  whispered  to  Irena  Flanders,  and,  sez  I, 
"If  a  man  is  a  duke,  what  would  his  wife  be  called  ?" 
Sez  I,  "She'd  feel  hurt  if  I  slighted  her." 

And  sez  she,  "If  one  is  a  duke,  the  other  would 
naterally  be  called  a  drake." 

I  knew  better  than  that — she  hain't  any  too  smart 
by  nater,  and  her  mind  runs  to  fowls,  what  there  is 
of  it. 


364  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

But  my  Josiah  heard  the  inquiry,  and  sez  he — 

"  I  should  call  her  a  duck  ;"  and  he  continued, 
with  his  eyes  riveted  on  the  beautiful  face  of  the 
Duke's  daughter — 

"  That  pretty  girl  is  a  duck,  and  no  mistake." 

But  I  sez,  "  Hush  ;  that  would  be  too  familiar  and 
also  too  rural." 

I  hain't  ashamed  of  the  country — no,  indeed,  I  am 
proud  on't ;  still  1  knew  that  it  wuz,  specially  in 
June,  noted  for  its  tender  greenness. 

And  sez  I,  "  I'll  trust  to  the  hour  to  inspire  me; 
I'll  sail  out  as  his  great  ancestor  did,  and  trust  to 
Providence  to  help  me  out." 

So  I  advanced  onto  'em,  and  I  thought,  as  I 
went,  if  you  call  a  man  by  the  hull  of  his  name  he 
hadn't  ort  to  complain  ;  so  I  sez  with  a  deep  curchey 
— I  knew  a  plain  curchey  wouldn't  do  justice  to  the 
occasion. 

So  I  gracefully  took  hold  of  my  alpaca  skirt  with 
both  hands  and  held  it  out  slightly,  and  curchied 
from  ten  to  fourteen  inches,  I  should  judge. 

I  wanted  it  deep  enough  to  show  the  profound 
esteem  and  honor  in  which  I  held  him,  and  not 
deep  enough  so's  to  give  him  the  false  idee  that  I 
wuz  a  professional  dancer,  or  opera  singer,  or  any- 
thing of  that  sort. 

I  judged  that  mv  curchey  wuz  jest  about  right. 


I    SALUTE    YOU   IN   THE   NAME   OF    JONESVILLE   AND    AMERICA. 


$66  SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Imegatly  after  my  curchey  1  sez,  "  Don  Chris- 
tobel  Colon  De  Toledo  De  La  Cerda  Y  Gante," 
and  then  I  paused  for  breath,  while  the  world 
waited — 

"  I  welcome  yon  to  this  country — T  salute  you  in 
the  name  of  Jonesville  and  America." 

And  then  agin  T  made  that  noble,  beautiful 
curchey. 

He  bowed  so  low  that  if  a  basin  of  water  had 
been  sot  on  his  back  it  would  have  run  down  over 
his  head. 

Sez  I,  "The  man  in  whose  veins  flows  a  drop  of 
the  precious  blood  of  the  Hero  who  discovered  us 
is  near  and  dear  to  the  heart  of  the  new  world." 

Sez  I,  "I  feel  that  we  can't  do  too  much  to 
honor  you,  and  I  hereby  offer  you  the  freedom  of 
Jonesville." 

And  sez  I,  "  I  would  have  brung  it  in  a  paper 
collar  box  if  I'd  thought  on't,  but  I  hope  you  will 
overlook  the  omission,  and  take  it  verbal." 

Agin  he  bowed  that  dretful  perlite,  courteous 
bow,  and  agin  I  put  in  that  noble  curchey. 

It  wuz  a  hour  long  to  be  remembered  by  any 
one  who  wuz  fortunate  enough  to  witness  it;  and 
sez  he — 

"  I  am  sensible  of  the  distinguished  honor  you 
do  me,  Madam  ;  accept  my  profound  thanks." 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  367 

I  then  turned  to  his  wife,  and  sez  I,  "  Miss  Chris- 
tobel  Colon  Toledo  Ohio — 

I  got  kinder  mixed  up  here  by  my  emotions,  and 
the  efforts  my  eurehevs  had  eost  me  ;  I  hadn't  ort 
to  mentioned  the  word  Ohio. 

But  I  waded  out  agin — "  De  La  Cerda  Y  Gante- — 

"As  a  pardner  of  Columbus,  and  also  as  a  female 
woman,  I  bid  you  also  welcome  to  America  in  the 
name  of  woman,  and  1  tender  to  you  also  the  free- 
dom of  Jonesville,  and  Loontown,  and  Zoar. 

"And  you,"  sez  1,  "  Honorable  Maria  Del  Pillow 
Colon  V  Aguilera — 

"  You  sweet  little  creeter  you,  I'd  love  to  have 
you  come  and  stay  with  me  a  week  right  along,  you 
pretty  thing."  Sez  I,  "  How  proud  your  Grandpa 
would  be  of  you  if  he  wuz  here  !" 

My  feelin's  had  carried  me  away,  and  I  felt  that 
I  had  lost  the  formal,  polite  tone  of  etiquette 
that  I  had  intended  to  cany  on  through  the  inter- 
view. 

But  she  wuz  so  awful  pretty,  T  couldn't  help  it  ; 
but  T  felt  that  it  wuz  best  to  terminate  it,  so  1  bowed 
low,  a-holdin'  out  my  alpaca  skirt  kinder  noble  in 
one  hand  and  my  green  veil  in  the  other,  some  like 
a  banner,  and  backed  off. 

The}'  too  bowed  deep,  and  sorter  backed  off  too. 
Oh,  what  a  hour  for  America  ! 


36S  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Josiali  put  out  his  arm  anxiously,  for  J  wuz  in- 
deed a-movin'  backwards  into  a  glass  ease  of  relics, 
and  the  great  seen  terminated. 

Miss  Flanders  and  Elam  had  gone — they  shrunk 
from  publicity.  I  guess  they  wuz  afraid  it  wuz  too 
great  a  job,  the  ceremony  attendin'  our  givin'  these 
noble  foreigners  the  freedom  of  our  native  town. 

But  they  no  need  to.  A  willin'  mind  makes  a 
light  job. 

It  had  been  gin  to  'em,  and  gin  well,  too. 

Wall,  Josiah  and  I  didn't  stay  very  much  longer. 
I'd  have  been  glad  to  seen  the  Princess  sent  out 
from  Spain  to  our  doin's,  and  I  know  she  will  feel 
it,  not  seein'  of  me. 

She  wuzn't  there,  but  I  thought  of  her  as  I 
wended  my  way  out,  as  I  looked  over  the  grandeur 
of  the  seen  that  her  female  ancestor  had  rendered 
possible. 

Thinkses  I,  she  must  have  different  feelin's  from 
what  her  folks  did  in  fourteen  hundred. 

Then  how  loath  they  wuz  to  even  listen  to  Colum- 
buses  pathetic  appeals  and  prayers  !  But  they  did  at 
last  touch  the  heart  of  a  woman.  That  woman  be- 
lieved him,  while  the  rest  of  Spain  sneered  at  him. 
Had  she  lived,  Columbus  wouldn't  have  been  sent 
to  prison  in  chains.  No,  indeed  !  But  she  passed 
away,  and  Spain  misused  him.      But  now  they  send 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  369 

their  royalties  to  meet  with  all  the  kings  and  queens 
of  the  earth  to  bow  down  to  his  memory. 

As  we  wended  out,  the  caravels  lay  there  in  the 
calm  water — the  Santa  Maria,  the  Pinta,  and  the 
Nina,  all  becalmed  in  front  of  the  convent. 

No  more  rough  seas  in  front  of  'em  ;  they  furl 
their  sails  in  the  sunlight  of  success. 

All  is  glory,  all  is  rejoicing,  all  is  praise. 

Four  hundred  years  after  the  brave  soul  that 
planned  and  accomplished  it  all  died  heart-broken 
and  in  chains,  despised  and  rejected  by  men,  perse- 
cuted by  his  enemies,  betrayed  by  his  friends. 

True,  brave  heart,  I  wonder  if  the  (rod  he  trusted 
in,  and  tried  to  honor,  lets  him  come  back  on  some 
fair  mornin'  or  cloudless  moonlight  evenin',  and  look 
down  and  see  what  the  nations  are  savin'  and  doin' 
for  him  in  eighteen  hundred  and  ninety-three  ! 

I  don't  know,  nor  Josiah  don't. 

But  as  T  stood  a-thinkin'  of  this,  the  sun  come 
out  from  under  a  cloud  and  lit  up  the  caravels  with 
its  golden  light,  and  lay  on  the  water  like  a  long, 
shinin'  path  leadin'  into  glory. 

And  a  light  breeze  stirred  the  white  sails  of  the 
Santa  Maria,  some  as  though  it  wuz  a-goin'  to  set 
sail  agin. 

And  the  shadders  almost  seemed  alive  that  lay  on 
the  narrer  deck. 


370  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

After  we  left  La  Rabida,  Josiah  wanted  to  go 
and  see  the  exhibit  called  Man  and  his  Works. 

Sez  he,  "  I'll  show  you  now,  Samantha,  what  our 
works  are.  I'll  show  you  the  most  beautiful  and 
august  exposition  on  the  grounds." 

Sez  he,  "  You  boasted  high  about  wimmen's 
doin's,  and  they  vvuz  fair,"  sez  he,  "what  1  call  fair 
to  middlin'.  But  in  this  you'll  see  grandeur  and 
True  Greatness." 

Josiah  didn't  know  a  thing  about  the  show,  only 
what  he  gathered  from  its  name  ;  and  feelin'  as  he 
did  about  himself  and  his  seet,  he  naterally  expeeted 
wonders. 

So,  leanin'  on  the  arm  of  Justice,  I  accompa- 
nied him  into  the  buildin',  which  wuzn't  fur  from 
La  Rabida. 

But  almost  the  first  room  we  went  into,  Josiah 
almost  swooned  at  the  sight,  and  I  clung  to  his 
arm  instinctively.  There  we  wuz  amongst  more 
than    three    thousand    skeletons    and    skulls. 

Why,  the  goose  pimples  that  rose  on  me  didn't 
subside  till  most  night. 

And  in  the  very  next  room  wuz  a  collection  of 
mummies,  the  humbliest  ones  that  I  ever  sot  my 
eyes  on  in  my  hull  life — two  or  three  hundred 
on  'em,  from  Peru,  Utah,  New  Mexico,  Egypt, 
British   Columbia,   etc.,    etc. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  3/1 

When  Josiah's  eyes  fell  onto  'em,  my  poor 
pardner  sez,  "  Samantha,  less  be  a-goin'." 

Sez  I,  "Are  you  satisfied,  Josiah  Allen,  with  the 
Works  of  Man?" 

And  he  advised  me  strong — "  Not  to  make  a 
lunv  and  a  idiot  of  myself." 

And  sez  he,  "  Dura  it  all,  why  do  they  call  it 
the  works  of  man  ?  There  is  as  many  wimmen 
amongst  them  dum  skeletons  as  men,  I'll  bet  a  cent." 

Wall,  we  went  into  another  room  and  found  a 
very  interestin'  exhibit — the  measurements  of 
heads  :  long-headed  folks  and  short-headed  ones  ; 
and  measurements  of  children's  heads  who  wuz 
educated,  and  the  heads  of  savage  children,  showin' 
the  influence  that  moral  trainin'  has  on  the  brains  of 
boys  and  girls. 

Wall,  it  would  take  weeks  to  examine  all  we  see 
there — the  remains  of  the  Aborigines,  the  Greeks, 
the  Romans,  the  Egyptians.  We  could  see  by 
them  relics  how  they  lived — their  religions,  their 
domestic  life,  their  arts,  and  their  industries. 

And  then  we  see  photographs  by  the  hullsale 
of  mounds  and  ruins  from  all  over  the  world. 

Why,  we  see  so  many  pictures  of  ruins,  that 
Josiah  said  that  "  he  felt  almost  ruined." 

And  I  sez,  "That  must  come  from  the  inside, 
Josiah.      It  hadn't  ort  to  make  you  feel  so." 


3/2  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

And  then  we  see  all  sorts  of  things  to  illustrate 
the  games  that  these  old  ruined  folks  used  to  play, 
and  their  religions  they  believed  in — idols,  and  clay 
altars,  and  things  ;  and  once,  when  I  wuz  a-tryin' 
to  look  calm  at  the  very  meanest-lookin'  idol  that  I 
ever  laid  eyes  on, 

Sez  Josiah,  "The  folks  that  would  try  to  worship 
such  alookin'  thing  as  that  ort  to  be  ruined." 

And  I  whispered  back,  "If  the  secret  things  that 
folks  worship  to-day  could  be  materialized,  they 
would  look  enough  sight  worse  than  this."  Sez  I, 
"  How  would  the  mammon  of  Greed  look  carved  in 
stun,  or  the  beast  of  Intemperance  ?" 

"  Oh  !"  sez  he,  "bring  in  your  dum  temperance 
talk  everywhere,  will  you?  I  should  think  we 
wuz  in  a  bad  enough  place  here  to  let  your  ears 
rest,  anyway." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "then  don't  run  down  folks  that 
couldn't  answer  back  for  ten  thousand  years." 

But  truly  we  wuz  in  a  bad  place,  if  humbliness  is 
bad,  for  them  idols  did  beat  all,  and  then  there  wuz  a 
almost  endless  display  of  amulets,  charms,  totems, 
and  other  things  that  they  used  to  carry  on  their 
religious  meetin's  with,  or  what  they  called  religion. 

And  then  we  see  some  strange  clay  altars  contain- 
in'  cremated  human  bein's. 

Here  Josiah  hunched  me  agin — 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  373 

"  You  feel  dretful  cut  up  if  you  hear  any  one 
speak  aginst  these  old  creeters,  but  what  do  you 
think  of  that  ?"  sez  he,  a-pintin'  to  the  burnt 
bodies.  Sez  he,  "  Most  likely  them  bodies  wuz 
victims  that  wuz  killed  on  their  dum  altars — dum 
'em  !" 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  but  we  of  the  nineteenth  century 
slay  two  hundred  thousand  victims  every  year  on 
the  altar  of  Mammon,  and  Intemperance." 

"  Keep  it  up,  will  you — keep  a  preachin'  !"  sez 
he,  and  his  tone  wuz  bitter  and  voyalent  in  the  ex- 
treme. 

And  here  he  turned  his  back  on  me  and  went  to 
examine  some  of  the  various  games  of  all  countries, 
such  as  cards,  dice,  dominoes,  checkers,  etc.,  etc. 

Which  shows  that  in  that  savage  age,  as  well  as  in 
our  too  civilized  one,  amusements  wuz  a  part  of 
their  daily  life. 

Wall,  it  wuz  all  dretful  interestin'  to  me,  though 
Skairfulness  wuz  present  with  us,  and  goose  pimples 
wuz  abroad. 

And  out-doors  the  exhibit  wuz  jest  as  fasci- 
natin'. 

Along  the  shores  of  the  pond  are  grouped  tribes 
of  Indians  from  North  America.  They  live  in  their 
primitive  huts  and  tents,  and  there  we  see  their  rude 
boats  and  canoes.      New  York  contributes  a  council 


374 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 


house  and  a  bark  lodge  once    used    by    the    once 
powerful  Iroquois  confederation. 

And,  poor  things !  where  be  they  now  ? 
Passed  away.  Their  canoes  have  gone  down 
the  stream  of  Time,  and  gone  down  the  Falls  out 
of  sight. 

But  to  resoom. 

Wall,  seein'  they  wuz  right  there,  we  went  to  see 
the  ruins  of  Yucatan — they  wuz  only  a  few  steps 
away. 

Now,  I  never  had  paid  any  attention  to  Yucatan. 
I  had  always  seen  it  on  the  map  of  Mexico,  a  little 
strip  of  land  a-runnin'  out  into  the  water,  and  wash- 
ed by  the  waves  on  both  sides.  But,  good  land  !  I 
would  have  paid  more  attention  to  it  if  I  had 
known  that  down  deep  under  its  forests,  where 
they  had  lain  for  more  than  a  thousand  years,  wuz 
the  ruins  of  a  vast  city,  with  its 
castles  and  monuments  wrought 
in  marble,  and  fashioned  with 
highest  beauty  and  art. 

Whose  hands  had  wrought 
them  marble  columns,  and  carved 
facades  ? 

The  silence  of  a  thousand 
years  lays  between  my  question 
and  its  true  answer. 


JOSIAH   TURNED   HIS   BACK   ON   ME. 


SAMANTIIA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR.  375 

I  can't  tell  who  they  wuz,  where  they  come  from, 
or  where  they  went  to. 

But  the  pieces  of  soulless  stun  remain  for  us  to 
marvel  over,  when  the  livin'  hands  that  wrought 
these  have  vanished  forever. 

Curious,  very. 

But  mebby  some  magnetizm  still  hangs  about 
them  hoary  old  walls  that  has  the  power  to  draw 
their  founders  from  their  new  home,  wherever  it 
is  now. 

Mebby  them  old  Yucatanners  come  down  in  a 
shadder  sloop  and  lay  off  over  aginst  them  ruins, 
and  enjoy  themselves  first-rate. 

Here  too  is  the  city  of  the  Cliff  Dwellers — the 
most  wonderful  city  I  ever  see  or  ever  expect  to  see. 
There  towers  up  a  mountain  made  to  look  exactly 
like  Battle  Mountain,  where  these  ruins  are  found — 
the  homes  and  abidin'  place  of  a  race  so  much  older 
than  the  Mexican  and  Peru  old  ones  that  they  seem 
like  folks  of  last  week — almost  like  babies. 

The  hull  of  these  buildin's  which  is  called  Cliff 
Palace  is  over  two  hundred  feet  long,  and  the 
rooms  look  pretty  much  all  alike.  They  wuz  round 
rooms  mostly,  with  a  hole  in  the  floor  for  a  lire- 
place,  and  stun  seats  a-runnin'  clear  round  the  room, 
and  I'd  a  gin  a  dollar  bill  if  1  could  a  seen  a-settin'  in 
them  seats   the   ones   that   used   to   set  there — if   I 


3/6  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

could  seen  'em  sot  down  there  in  Jackson  Park, 
and  its  marvels,  and  I  could  have  hearn  'era 
tell  what  Old  World  wronders  they  had  seen,  and 
what  they  had  felt  and  suffered — the  beliefs  of  that 
old  time  ;  the  laws  that  governed  'em,  or  that  didn't 
govern  'em  ;  their  friends  and  their  enemies  ;  the 
strange  animals  that  lurked  round  'em  ;  the  won- 
derful flowers  and  vegetation — in  short,  if  I  could 
a  sot  down  and  neighbored  with  'em,  I  would  a  gin, 
I  believe  my  soul,  as  much  as  a  dollar  and  thirty- 
five  cents. 

The  rooms  are  about  six  feet  high,  and  they  wuz 
like  me  in  one  thing — they  didn't  care  so  much  for 
ornament  as  they  did  for  solid  foundation.  The 
only  ornament  I  see  in  any  of  the  rooms  wuz  some 
kinder  wavin'  streaks  of  red  paint.  But,  oh  !  how 
solid  the  housen  wuz,  how  firm  the  underpinnin'. 

There  wuz  some  stun  towers  and  some  winders, 
and  oh  !  how  I  do  wish  I  could  seen  what  them  Old 
differs  looked  out  on  when  they  rested  their  arms 
on  the  stun  winder  sills  and  looked  down  on  the 
deep  valley  below. 

Children  a-lookin'  out  for  pleasure  mebby  ;  older 
ones  a-lookin'  for  Happiness  and  Ambition  like  as 
not,  the  aged  ones  a-leanin'  their  tired  arms  on 
the  hard  stun,  while  the  settin'  sun  lit  up  their  white 
locks,  and  a-lookin'  for  rest. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    PAIR.  ^J 

The  cliffs  are  a  good  many  colors,  and  each  a 
good-lookin'  one. 

One  thing  struck  me  in  all  the  housen,  and  made 
me  think  that  though  the  Cliff  Dwellers  wuz  older 
than  Abraham  or  Moses,  yet  if  I  could  see  some  of 
them  female  differs  I  could  neighbor  with  'em  like 
sisters. 

They  did  love  closets  so  well,  and  that  made  'em 
so  congenial  to  me.  I  never  had  half  closets 
enough,  and  I  don't  believe  any  woman  did  if  she 
would  tell  the  truth. 

There  wuz  sights  of  closets  all  closed  up  with  good 
slab  doors,  some  like  grave-stuns. 

I  shouldn't  have  liked  that  so  well,  to  had  to 
heave  down  that  heavy  slab  every  time  that  I 
wanted  a  teacup,  but  mebby  they  didn't  drink  tea. 

I  spoze  they  kep  their  strange-lookin'  pottery 
there,  and  I  presoom  the  wimmen  prided  them- 
selves on  havin'  more  of  them  jars  than  a  neighbor 
female  differ  did.  Then  there  are  farmin'  imple- 
ments, and  sandals,  and  leggins,  and  weapons,  and 
baby  boards — and  didn't  I  wish  that  I  could  ketch 
sight  of  one  of  them  babies ! 

The  bodies  of  the  dead  wuz  wrapped  in  four  dif- 
ferent winders — first  in  fine  cloth,  then  a  robe  of 
turkey  feathers  wove  with  Yucca  fibre,  then  a  mat- 
tin',  and  then  a  wrap  made  of  reeds. 


3/8  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

The  mummies  found  wrapped  in  these  grave- 
clothes  are  more  perfect  than  any  found  in  Egypt, 
the  hot,  dry  air  of  Colorado  a-doin'  its  best  to  keep 
folks  alive,  and  then  after  they  are  dead,  a-keepin' 
'em  so  as  long  as  it  can.  There  wuz  one,  a  woman 
with  pretty  figure,  and  small  hands  and  feet,  and 
soft,  light-colored  hair.  What  wuz  she  a-thinkin' 
on  as  she  done  up  that  foretop  or  braided  that  back 
hair  ? 

Did  any  hand  ever  lay  on  that  soft,  shinin'  hair  in 
caresses?  I  presoom  more  than  like  as  not  there 
had.  Her  mother's,  anyway,  and  mebby  a  lover's, 
sence  the  fashion  of  love  is  older  than  the  pyramids 
enough  sight — old  as  Adam,  and  before  that  Love 
wuz.      For  Love  thought  out  the  World. 

By  her  side  wuz  a  jar  with  some  seeds  in  it — 
probable  the  hand  of  Love  put  it  there  to  sustain 
her  on  her  long  journey. 

Wall,  the  centuries  have  gone  by  sence  she  sot 
out  for  the  Land  of  Sperits,  but  the  seeds  are  there 
yet.      She  didn't  need  'em. 

These  seeds  are  in  good  shape,  but  they  won't 
sprout.  That  shows  plain  how  much  older  these 
mummies  are  than  the  Egyptian  ones,  for  the  seeds 
found  by  them  will  sprout  and  grow,  but  these  are 
too  old — the  life  in  the  seeds  is  gone,  as  well  as  the 
life  in  the  dead  forms  by  'em,  centuries  ago,  mebby. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  379 

Wall,  it  wuz  a  sight— a  sight  to  see  that  city, 
and  then  to  see  a-windin'  up  the  face  of  the  cliff  the 
windin'  trail,  and  the  little  burros  a-climbin'  up 
slowly  from  the  valley,  and  the  strange  four-horned 
sheep  of  the  Navago  herds  a-grazin'  amongst  the 
high  rocks. 

It  wuz  one  of  the  most  impressive  sights  of  all 
the  wonderful  sights  of  the  Columbus  Fair,  and  so 
I  told  Josiah. 

Wall,  seein'  we  wuz  right  there,  we  thought  we 
would  pay  attention  to  the  Forestry  Buildin'. 

And  if  I  ever  felt  ashamed  of  myself,  and  morti- 
fied, I  did  there  ;  of  which  more  anon. 

It  wuz  quite  a  big  buildin',  kinder  long  and  low 
— about  two  and  a  half  acres  1  ig,  I  should  judge. 

Every  house  has  its  peculiarities,  the  same  as 
folks  do,  and  the  peculiar  kink  in  this  house  wuz  it 
hadn't  a  nail  or  a  bit  of  iron  in  it  anywhere  from 
top  to  bottom — bolts  and  pegs  made  of  wood 
a-h'oldin'  it  together. 

Wall,  I  hadn't  no  idee  that  there  wuz  so  many 
kinds  of  wTood  in  the  hull  world,  from  Asia  and  Green- 
land 10  Jonesville,  as  I  see  there  in  five  minutes. 

Of  course  I  had  been  round  enough  in  our  woods 
and  the  swamp  to  knowr  that  there  wuz  several  dif- 
ferent kinds  of  wood — ellum  and  butnut,  cedar  and 
dog-wood,  and  so  forth. 


380  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

But  good  land  !  to  see  the  hundreds  and  thou- 
sands of  kinds  that  I  see  here  made  anybody  feel 
curious,  curious  as  a  dog,  and  made  'em  feel,  too, 
how  enormous  big  the  world  is — and  how  little  he 
or  she  is,  as  the  case  may  be. 

The  sides  of  the  buildin'  are  made  of  slabs,  with 
the  bark  took  off,  and  the  roof  is  thatched  with  tan- 
bark  and  other  barks. 

The  winder-frames  are  made  in  the  same  rustic, 
wooden  way. 

The  main  entrances  are  made  of  different  kinds 
of  wood,  cut  and  carved  first-rate. 

All  around  this  buildin'  is  a  veranda,  and  sup- 
portin'  its  roof  is  a  long  row  of  columns,  each  com- 
posed of  three  tree  trunks  twenty-five  feet  in  length 
— one  big  one  and  the  other  two  smaller. 

These  wuz  contributed  by  the  different  States  and 
Territories  and  by  foreign  countries,  each  sendin' 
specimens  of  its  most  noted  trees. 

And  right  here  wuz  when  I  felt  mad  at  myself, 
mad  as  a  settin'  hen,  to  think  how  forgetful  I  had 
been,  and  how  lackin'  in  what  belongs  to  good  man- 
ners and  politeness. 

Why  hadn't  I  brung  some  of  our  native  Jones- 
ville  trees,  hallowed  by  the  presence  of  Josiah 
Allen's  wife  ? 

Why  hadn't   I   brung  some  of  the  maples  from 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  381 

our  dooryard,  that  shakes  out  its  green  and 
crimson  banners  over  our  heads  every  spring  and 
fall? 

Or  why  hadn't  I  brung  one  of  the  low-spreadin' 
apple-trees  out  of  Mother  Smith's  orchard,  where  I 
used  to  climb  in  search  of  robins'  nests  in  June 
mornin's  ? 

Or  one  of  the  pale  green  willers  that  bent  over 
my  head  as  I  sot  on  the  low  plank  foot-bridge,  with 
my  bare  feet  a-swingin'  off  into  the  water  as  I  fished 
for  minnies  with  a  pin-hook — 

The  summer  sky  overhead,  and  summer  in  my 
heart. 

Oh,  happy  summer  days  gone  by — gone  by,  fur 
back  you  lay  in  the  past,  and  the  June  skies  now 
have  lost  that  old  light  and  freshness. 

But  poor  children  that  we  are,  we  still  keep  on 
a-fishin'  with  our  bent  pin-hooks  ;  we  still  drop  our 
weak  lines  down  into  the  depths,  a-fishin'  for  happi- 
ness, for  rest,  for  ambition,  for  Heaven  knows  what 
all — and  now,  as  in  the  past,  our  hooks  break  or 
our  lines  float  away  on  the  eddies,  and  we  don't 
catch  what  we  are  after. 

Poor  children  !  poor  creeters  ! 

But  I  am  eppisodin',  and  to  resoom. 

As  I  said  to  Josiah,  what  a  oversight  that  wuz 
my  not  thinkin'  of  it  1 


382  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Sez  I,  "  How  the  nations  would  have  prized  them 
trees  !"     And  sez  I, 

"What  would  Christopher  Columbus  say  if  he 
knew  on't  ?" 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  He  guessed  he  would  have  got 
along  without  'em." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  what  will  America  and  the  World's 
Fair  think  on't,  my  makin'  such  a  oversight  ?" 

And  he  sez,  "  He  guessed  they  would  worry 
along  somehow  without  'em." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  am  mortified — as  mortified  as  a 
dog." 

And   I  wuz. 

There  wuzn't  any  need  of  makin'  any  mistake 
about  the  trees,  for  there  wtuz  a  little  metal  plate 
fastened  to  each  tree,  with  the  name  marked  on 
it — the  common  name  and  the  high-learnt  botan- 
ical name. 

But  Josiah,  who  always  has  a  hankerin'  after 
fashion  and  show,  he  talked  a  sight  to  me  about  the 
"  Abusex-celsa,"  and  the  "  Genus-salix,"  and  the 
"  Fycus-sycamorus,"  and  the  "  Atractylus-gummi- 
fera." 

He  boasted  in  particular  about  the  rarity  of  them 
trees.  He  said  they  grew  in  Hindoostan  and  on 
the  highest  peaks  of  the  Uriah  Mountains  ;  and  he 
sez,  "  How  strange  that  he  should  ever  live  to  see  em." 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 


3*3 


He  talked  proud  and  high-learnt  about  'em,  till  I 
got  tired  out,  and  pinted  him  to  the  other  names 
of  'em. 


He  talked  proud  and  high-learnt  about  'em. 

Then  his  feathers  drooped,  and  sez  he,  "  A  Nor- 
way spruce,  a  wilier,  a  sycamore,  and  a  pine.  Dum 
it  all,  what  do  they  want  to  put  on  such  names  as 
them  onto  trees  that  grow  right  in   our  dooryard  ?" 

"To  show  off,"  sez  I,  coldly,  "and  to  make  other 
folks  show  off  who  have  a  hankerin'  after  fashion 
and  display." 

He  did  not  frame  a  reply  to  me — he  had  no 
frame. 


CHAPTER   XIV. 

I  told  Josiah  this  mornin'  I  wanted  to  go  to  the 
place  where  they  had  flowers,  and  plants,  and  roses, 
and  things — I  felt  that  duty  wuz  a-drawin'  me. 

For,  as  I  told  him,  old  Miss  Mahew  wanted  me 
to  get  her  a  slip  of  monthly  rose  if  they  had  'em  to 
spare — she  said,  "If  they  seemed  to  have  quite  a 
few,  I  might  tackle  'em  about  it,  and  if  they 
seemed  to  be  kinder  scrimped  for  varieties,  she 
stood  willin'  to  swap  one  of  her  best  kinds  for  one 
of  theirn — she  said  she  spozed  they  would  have  as 
many  as  ten  or  a  dozen  plants  of  each  kind." 

And  I  thought  mebby  I  could  get  a  tulip  bulb — 
I  had  had  such  poor  luck  with  mine  the  year  before. 

But  sez  I,  "  Mebby  they  won't  have  none  to  spare 
— I  d'no  how  well  they  be  off  for  'em,"  but  I 
spozed  mebby  I  would  see  as  many  as  a  dozen  or 
fifteen  tulips,  and  as  many  roses. 

He  kinder  wanted  to  go  and  see  the  plows  and 
horse-rakes  that  mornin',  but  I  capitulated  with 
him  by  sayin'  if  he  would  go  there  first  with  me, 
anon  we  would  go  together  to  the  horse-rake 
house. 


SAMANTHA  AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  385 

So  we  sot  out  the  first  thing  for  the  Horticul- 
tural Buildin',  and  good  land  !  good  land  !  when  we 
got  to  it  I  wuz  jest  browbeat  and  frustrated  with  the 
size  on't — it  is  the  biggest  buildin'  that  wuz  ever 
built  in  the  world  for  plants  and  flowers. 

And  when  you  jest  think  how  big  the  world  is, 
and  how  long  it  has  stood,  and  how  many  houses 
has  been  built  for  posies  from  Persia  and  Ingy, 
down  to  Chicago  and  Jonesville,  then  you  will 
mebby  get  it  into  your  head  the  immense  bigness 
on't — yes,  that  buildin'  is  two  hundred  and  sixty 
thousand  square  feet,  and  every  foot  all  filled  up 
with  beauty,  and  bloom,  and  perfume.  It  faces  the 
risin'  sun,  as  any  place  for  flowers  and  plants  ort  to. 
Like  all  the  rest  of  the  Exposition  buildin's,  it  has 
sights  of  ornaments  and  statutes.  One  of  the  most 
impressive  statutes  I  see  there  wuz  Spring  Asleep. 
It  struck  so  deep  a  blow  onto  my  fancy  that  I 
thought  on't  the  last  thing  at  night,  and  I  waked  up 
in  the  night  and  thought  on't. 

There  never  wuz  a  better-lookin'  creeter  than 
Spring  wuz,  awful  big  too — riz  way  up  lofty  and 
grand,  and  hantin'  as  our  own  dreams  of  Spring  are 
as  we  set  shiverin'  in  the  Winter. 

Her  noble  face  wuz  perfect  in  its  beauty,  and 
she  sot  there  with  her  arms  outstretched  ;  and 
grouped  all  round  her  wuz  beautiful  forms     lovely 


386  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

wimmen,  and  babies,  and  children,  all  bound  in 
slumber,  but,  as  I  should  imagine,  jest  on  the  pint  of 
wakin'  up. 

I  guess  they  wuz  all  a-dreamin'  about  the  song  of 
birds  a-comin'  back  from  the  south  land,  and  silky, 
pale  green  willers  a-bendin'  low  over  gurglin' 
brooks,  and  pink  and  white  may-flowers  a-hidin' 
under  the  leafy  hollows  of  Northern  hills,  and  the 
golden  glow  of  cowslips  down  in  the  dusky  brown 
shallows  in  green  swamps,  and  white  clouds 
a-sailin'  over  blue  skies,  and  soft  winds  a-blowin' 
up  from  the  South. 

They  wuz  asleep,  but  the  cookoo's  notes  would 
wake  'em  in  a  minute  or  two  ;  and  then  I  could  see 
by  their  clothes  that  they  wuz  expectin'  warmer 
weather.  It  wuz  a  very  impressive  statute.  Mr. 
Tafft  done  his  very  best — I  couldn't  have  done  as 
well  myself — not  nigh.  Wall,  to  go  through  that 
buildin'  wuz  like  walkin'  through  fairyland,  if  fairy- 
land had  jest  blown  all  out  full  of  beauty  and 
greenness. 

Right  in  the  centre  overhead,  wav  up,  way  up,  is 
a  crystal  ruff  made  to  represent  the  sky,  and  it 
seems  to  be  a-glitterin'  in  its  crystal  beauty  way  up 
in  the  clouds  ;  underneath  wuz  the  most  beautiful 
pictures  you  ever  see,  or  Josiah,  or  anybody.  They 
wuz  painted  in  Paris  —not  Paris  in  the  upper  end  of 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  387 

Lyme  County,  but  Paris  in  France,  way  over  the 
billowy  Atlantic  ;  and  under  this  magnificent  dome 
wuz  all  kinds  of  the  most  beautiful  palms,  bamboos 
and  tree  ferns,  with  their  shiny,  feathery  foliage,  and 
big  leaves.  Why  some  of  them  long,  feathery  leaves 
wuz  so  big,  if  the  tree  wuz  in  the  middle  of  our  door- 
yard  the  ends  of  'em  would  go  over  into  the 
orchard — one  leaf  ;  the  idee  !  Why,  you  would  almost 
fancy  you  wuz  in  a  tropical  forest,  as  you  looked 
up  into  the  great  feathery  masses  and  leaves  as  big 
as  a  hull  tree  almost  ;  and  risin'  right  in  the  centre 
wuz  a  mountain  sixty  feet  high  all  covered  with 
tropical  verdure  ;  leadin'  into  it  wuz  a  shady,  cool 
grotto,  where  wuz  all  kinds  of  ferns,  and  exquisite 
plants,  that  love  to  grow  in  such  spots. 

And  way  in  through,  a-flashin'  through  the  cool 
darkness  of  the  spot,  you  could  see  the  wonderful 
rays  of  that  strange  light  that  has  a  soul. 

And  if  you  will  believe  it — I  don't  spoze  you  will — 
but  there  is  plants  here  grown  by  that  artificial  light — 
the  idee ! 

I  sez  to  Josiah,  "  Did  you  ever  see  anything  like  the 
idee  of  growin'  plants  by  lamplight  ?"  and  he  sez — 

"  It  is  a  new  thing,  but  a  crackin'  good  one,"  and 
he  added — 

"What  can  be  done  in  one  place  can  in  another," 
and  he  got  all  excited  up,  and  took  his  old  account- 


388  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

book  out  of  his  pocket  and  went  to  calculatin'  on 
how  many  cowcumbers  he  could  raise  in  the  winter 
down  suller  by  the  light  of  his  old  lantern. 

I  discouraged  him,  and  sez  I,  "  You  can't  raise 
plants  by  the  light  of  that  old  karsene  lantern,  and 
there  hain't  no  room,  anyway,  in  our  suller." 

And  he  said,  "He  wuz  bound  to  spade  up  round 
the  pork  barrel  and  try  a  few  hills,  anyway  ;"  and  sez 
he,  dreamily,  "  We  might  raise  a  few  string-beans  and 
have  'em  run  up  on  the  soap  tub." 

But  I  made  him  put  up  his  book,  for  we  wuz 
attractin'  attention,  and  I  told  him  agin  that  we  hadn't 
got  the  conveniences  to  home  that  they  had  here. 

He  put  up  his  book  and  we  wended  on,  but  he 
had  a  look  on  his  face  that  made  me  think  he  hadn't 
gin  up  the  idee,  and  I  spoze  that  some  good  cowcum 
ber  seed  will  be  wasted  like  as  not,  to  say  nothin'  of 
karsene. 

Wall,  all  connected  with  this  house  is  two  big 
open  courts,  full  and  runnin'  over  with  beauty  and 
wonder  ;  on  the  south  is  the  aquatic  garden,  showin' 
all  the  plants  and  flowers  and  wonderful  water 
growth. 

Here  Josiah  begun  to  make  calculations  agin 
about  growin'  flowers  in  our  old  mill-pond,  but  I 
broke  it  up. 

On  the  north  court  is  a  magnificent  orange  grove. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR.  389 

Why,  it  makes  you  feel  as  though  you  wuz  a-standin' 
in  California  or  Florida,  under  the  beautiful  green 
trees,  full  of  the  ripe,  rich  fruit,  and  blossoms,  and 
green  leaves. 

Wall,  the  hull  house,  take  it  all  in  all,  is  such  a  seen 
of  wonder,  and  enchantment,  and  delight,  that  it 
might  have  been  transplanted,  jest  as  it  stood,  from 
the  Arabian  nights  entertainment. 

And  you  would  almost  expect  if  you  turned  3 
corner  to  meet  Old  Alibaby  or  a  Grand  Vizier, 
or  somebody  before  you  got  out  of  there. 

But  we  didn't  ;  and  after  feastin'  our  eyes  on  the 
beauty  and  wonder  on't,  we  sot  off  to  see  the  rest  of 
the  flowers  and  plants,  for  we  laid  out  when  wre  first 
went  to  the  World's  Fair  to  see  one  thing  at  a  time 
so  fur  as  we  could,  and  then  tackle  another,  though 
I  am  free  to  confess  that  it  wuz  sometimes  like 
tacklin'  the  seashore  to  count  the  grains  of  sand, 
or  tacklin'  the  great  north  woods  to  count  how  many 
leaves  wuz  on  the  trees,  or  measurin'  the  waters 
of  Lake  Ontario  with  a  teaspoon,  or  any  other  hard 
job  you  are  a  mind  to  bring  up. 

But  this  day  we  laid  out  to  see  as  much  as  wre 
could  of  the  immense  display  of  flowers. 

But  where  there  is  milds  and  milds  of  clear 
flowers,  what  can  you  do  ?  You  can't  look  at  every 
one  on  'em,  to  save  your  life. 


390  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

Why,  to  jest  give  you  a  small  idee  of  the  magni- 
tude and  size,  jest  think  of  five  hundred  thousand 
pansies  from  every  quarter  of  the  globe,  and  every 
beautiful  color  that  wuz  ever  seen  or  drempt  of. 
You  know  them  posies  do  look  some  like  faces, 
and  the  faces  look  like  "the  great  multitude  no 
man  could  number,"  that  we  read  about,  and  every 
one  of  them  faces  a-bloomin'  with  every  color  of 
the  rainbow.  And  speakin'  of  rainbows,  before  long 
we  did  see  one — a  loner,  shinin',  sditterin'  rainbow, 
made  out  of  pure  pansies,  of  which  more  anon  and 
bimeby. 

And  then,  think  of  seein'  from  live  to  ten  mill- 
ions of  tulips.  Why,  I  had  thought  I  had  raised 
tulips  ;  I  had  had  from  twenty  to  thirty  in  full 
blow  at  one  time,  and  had  realized  it,  though  I 
didn't  mean  to  be  proud  nor  haughty. 

But  I  knew  that  my  tulips  wuz  fur  ahead  of  Miss 
I  sham's,  or  any  other  Jonesvillian,  and  I  had  feelin's 
accordin'. 

But  then  to  think  of  ten  millions  of  'em — why, 
it  would  took  Miss  I  sham  and  me  more'n  a  week 
to  jest  count  'em,  and  work  hard,  too,  all  the 
time. 

Why,  when  I  jest  stretched  out  my  eyesight  to 
try  to  take  in  them  ten  millions  of  globes  of 
gorgeous  beauty,   my    sperits    sunk    in    me  further 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  391 

than  the  Queen  of  Sheba's  did  before  the  glory  of 
Solomon  ;  I  felt  that  minute  that  I  would  love  to 
see  Miss  Sheba,  and  neighbor  with  her  a  spell,  and 
talk  with  her  about  pride,  and  how  it  felt  when  it 
wuz  a-fallin'.  I  eould  go  ahead  of  her,  fur,  fur,  and 
I  thought  I  would  have  loved  to  own  it  up  to 
her,  and  if  Solomon  had  been  present,  too,  I 
wouldn't  have  cared  a  mite — I  felt  humble.  And  I 
jest  marched  off  and  never  said  a  word  about  gittin' 
a  root  for  me  or  Miss  I  sham — I  wuz  fairly  over- 
come. 

And  still  we  walked  round  through  milds  and 
milds  of  solid  beauty  and  bloom.  Every  beautiful 
posey  I  had  ever  hearn  on,  and  them  I  had  never 
hearn  on  wuz  there,  right  before  my  dazzled 
eyes. 

The  biggest  crowd  we  see  in  the  Horticultural 
Hall  wuz  round  what  you  may  call  the  humblest 
thing — a  tree,  something  like  old  Bobbetses  calf, 
with  five  legs. 

There  wuz  a  fern  from  Japan,  two  separate 
varieties  growin'  together  in  one  plant. 

There  wuz  Japanese  dwarf  trees  one  hundred 
years  old  and  about  as  big  as  gooseberries. 

A  travellin'  tree  from  Madagascar  wuz  one  of 
the  most  interestin'  things  to  look  at. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  giant   fern   from  Australia 


392  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR. 

that  measured  thirty-two  feet — the  largest,  so  I  wuz 
told,  in  Europe  or  America.  Thirty-two  feet  1 
And  there  I  have  felt  so  good  and  even  proud- 
sperited  over  my  fern  I  took  up  out  of  our  woods 
and  brung  home  and  sot  out  in  Mother  Smith's  old 
blue  sugar-bowl.  Why,  that  fern  wuz  so  large  and 
beautiful,  and  attracted  the  envious  and  admirin' 
attention  of  so  many  Jonesvillians,  that  I  had 
strong  idees  of  takin'  it  to  the  Fair  ! 

Philury  said  she  "  hadn't  a  doubt  of  my  gittin' 
the  first  prize  medal  on't."  "  Why,"  sez  she,  "it  is 
as  long  as  Ury's  arm  !"  And  it  wuz.  Miss  Lum 
thought  it  would  be  a  good  thing  to  take  it,  to  let 
Chicago  and  the  rest  of  the  world  see  what  vegeta- 
tion wuz  nateral  to  Jonesville,  feelin'  that  they 
would  most  likely  have  a  deep  interest  in  it. 

And  Deacon  Henzy  thought  "  it  might  draw  pop- 
ulation there." 

And  the  schoolmaster  thought  that  "  it  would  be 
useful  to  the  foreign  powers  to  see  to  what  height 
swamp  culture  had  attained  in  the  growth  of  its 
idigenious  plants." 

I  didn't  really  understand  everything  he  said — 
there  wuz  a  number  more  big  words  in  his  talk — but 
I  presoom  he  did,  and  felt  comforted  to  use  'em. 

Why,  as  I  said,  I  had  boasted  that  fern  wuz  as 
long  as  my  arm. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE   WORLD  S    FAIR.  393 

But  thirty-two  feet — as  high  as  Josiah,  and  his 
father,  and  his  grandfather,  and  his  great-grand- 
father, and  his  great-great-grandfather,  and  Ury  on 
top. 

Where,  where  wuz  my  boastin'  ?  Gone,  washed 
away  utterly  on  the  sea  of  wonder  and  or. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  century  plant  with  a  blos- 
som stem  thirty  feet  high,  and  a  posey  accordin',  one 
posey  agin  as  high  as  my  Josiah,  and  his  father,  and 
etc.,  etc.,  etc.,  and  Ury. 

Oh,  good  gracious  !  oh,  dear  me  suz  ! 

That  plant  wuzn't  expected  to  blow  out  in  several 
years,  but  all  of  a  sudden  it  shot  up  that  immense 
stalk,  up,  up  to  thirty  feet. 

It  wuz  as  if  the  Queen  of  the  Flowery  Kingdom 
had  come  with  the  rest  of  the  kings  and  princesses 
of  the  earth  to  the  Columbus  World's  Fair. 

Had  changed  her  plans  to  come  \vrith  the  rest  of 
the  royal  family.     It  wuz  a  sight. 

Wall,  after  roamin'  there  the  best  part  of  two 
hours,  I  said  to  my  companion,  "  Less  go  and  see  the 
Wooded  Island."  And  he  said  with  a  deep  sithe, 
11  I  am  ready,  and  more  than  ready.  The  name 
sounds  good  to  me.  I  would  love  to  see  some  good 
plain  wood,  either  corded  up  or  in  sled  length." 

I  see  he  wuz  sick  of  lookin'  at  flowers,  and  I 
d'no  as   I    could    blame    him  ;    for    my    own    head 


394  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

seemed  to  be  jest  a-turnin'  round  and  round,  and 
every  turnin'  had  more  colors  than  any  rainbow  you 
ever  laid  eyes  on. 

He  wuz  dretful  anxious  to  git  out-doors  himself. 
He  said  it  wuz  all  for  himself  that  he  wuz  hurryin' 
so. 

I  d'no  that,  but  I  do  know  that  in  his  haste 
to  help  me  git  out  he  stepped  on  my  foot,  and 
almost  made  a  wreck  of  that  valuable  member. 

I  looked  bad,  and  groaned,  and  sithed  considerable 
'fore  he  got  to  the  sheltered  bench  he'd  sot  out  for. 

He  acted  sorry,  and  I  didn't  reproach  him  any. 

I  only  sez,  "  Oh,  I  don't  lay  it  up  aginst  you, 
Josiah.      It  jest  reminds  me  of  Sister  Blanker." 

And  he  sez,  "  I  don't  thank  you  to  compare  me 
to  that  slab-sided  old  maid." 

Sez  I,  "  I  believe  she's  a  Christian,  Josiah." 

And  so  I  do.  But  sez  I,  "  Folks  must  be  megum 
even  in  goodness,  Josiah  Allen,  and  in  order  to  set 
down  and  hold  a  half  orphan  in  your  arms,  you 
mustn't  overset  yourself  and  come  down  on  the  floor 
on  top  of  a  hull  orphan  or  a  nursin'  child. 

"  You  mustn't  tromple  so  fast  on  your  way  to  the 
gole  as  to  walk  over  and  upset  two  or  three  lame 
ones  and  paryletics." 

Sez  I,  "  Do  you  remember  my  eppisode  with  Sis- 
ter Blanker,  Josiah  ?" 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  395 

He  did  not  frame  a  reply  to  me,  but  sot  off  to 
look  at  sunthin'  or  ruther,  savin'  that  he  would  come 
back  in  a  few  minutes. 

And  as  I  sot  there  alone  Memory  went  on  and 
onrolled  her  panorama  in  front  of  my  eyeballs, 
about  my  singular  eppisode  with  Drusilla  Blanker. 

Sister  Blanker  is  a  good  woman  and  a  Christian, 
but  she  never  so  much  as  sot  her  foot  on  the  fair 
plains  of  megumness,  whose  balmy,  even  climate  has 
afforded  me  so  much  comfort  all  my  life. 

No  ;  she  is  a  woman  who  stalks  on  towards  goles 
and  don't  mind  who  or  what  she  upsets  on  her  way. 

She  is  a  woman  who  a-chasin'  sinners  slams  the 
door  in  the  faces  of  saints. 

And  what  I  mean  bv  this  is  that  she  is  in  such  a 
hurry  to  git  inside  the  door  of  Dutv  (a  real  heavy 
door  sometimes,  heavy  as  iron),  she  don't  see 
whether  or  not  it  is  a-goin'  to  slam  back  and  hit 
somebody  in  the  forward. 

A  remarkable  instance  of  this  memory  onrolled 
on  her  panorama — a  eppisode  that  took  place  in 
our  own  Joncsville  meetin'-house. 

The  session  room  where  we  go  to  session  some- 
times and  to  transact  other  business  has  got  a  heavy 
swing  door.  And  everybody  who  goes  through  it 
always  calculates  to  hold  it  back  if  there  is  anybody 
comin'  behind  'em,  for  that    door   has    been   known 


396  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

to  knock  a  man  down  when  it  come  onto  him 
onexpected  and  onbeknown  to  him. 

Wall,  Sister  Blanker  wuz  a-goin'  on  ahead  of  me 
one  night  ;  it  wuz  a  charitable  meetin'  that  we  wuz 
a-goin'  to — to  quilt  a  bedquilt  for  a  heathen — and  she 
knew  I  wuz  jest  behind  her — right  on  her  tracts,  as 
you  may  say,  for  we  had  sot  out  together  from  the 
preachin'-room,  and  we  had  been  a-talkin'  all  the  way 
there  on  the  different  merits  of  otter  color  or  but- 
nut  for  linin'  for  the  quilt,  and  as  to  whether 
herrin'-bone  looked  so  good  as  a  quiltin'  stitch  as 
plain  rib. 

She  favored  rib  and  otter  ;  I  kinder  leaned 
toward  herrin'-bone  and  butnut. 

We  had  had  a  agreeable  talk  all  the  way,  though 
I  couldn't  help  seein'  she  wuz  too  hard  on  butnut, 
and  slightin'  in  her  remarks  on  herrin'-bone. 

Anyway,  she  knew  I  wuz  with  her  in  the  body  ; 
but  as  she  ketched  sight  of  the  door  that  wuz  a-goin' 
to  let  her  in  where  she  could  begin  to  do  good,  her 
mind  jest  soared  right  up,  and  she  forgot  everything 
and  everybody,  and  she  let  that  door  slam  right 
back  and  hit  me  on  my  right  arm,  and  laid  me  up 
for  over  five  weeks. 

And  I  fell  right  back  on  Edna  Garvin,  and  she  is 
lame,  and  it  knocked  her  over  backwards  onto  Sally 
Ann   Bobbetses  little  girl,   and  she  fell  flat   down, 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  397 

and  Miss  Gowdey  on  top  of  her,  and  Miss  Gowdey, 
bein'  a-\valkin'  along  lost  in  thought  about  the  bed- 
quilt,  and  thinkin'  how  much  battin'  we  should  need 
in  it,  and  not  lookin'  for  a  obstacle  in  her  path, 
slipped  right  up  and  fell  forwards.  Wall,  a-tryin' 
to  save  little  Annie  Gowdey  from  bein'  squashed 
right  down,  Miss  Gowdey  throwed  herself  sideways 
and  strained  her  back.  She  weighs  two  hundred, 
and  is  loose-jinted. 

And  she  hain't  got  over  it  to  this  day.  She  insists 
on't  that  she  loosened  her  spine  in  the  affair. 

And  I  d'no  but  she  did  ! 

But  the  child  wuz  gin  up  to  die.  So  for  weeks 
and  weeks  the  Bobbetses  and  all  of  Sally  Ann's 
relations  (she  wuz  a  Henzy  and  wide  connected  in 
the  Methodist  meetin'-house)  had  to  give  up  all 
their  time  a-hangin'  over  that  sick-bed. 

And  the  Garvins  wuz  mad  as  hens,  and  they 
bein'  connected  with  most  everybody  in  the  Dorcuss 
Society — and  it  wuzn't  over  than  above  large — why, 
take  it  with  my  bein'  laid  up  and  the  children 
havin'  to  be  home  so  much,  Sister  Blanker  in  that 
one  slam  jest  about  cleaned  out  the  hull  Methodist 
meetin'-house. 

The  quilt  wuzn't  touched  after  that  night,  and  the 
heathen  lay  cold  all  winter,  for  all  I  know. 

I  had  all  I  could  do  to  take  care  of  my  own  arm, 


398  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

catnip  and  lobela  alternately  and  a-follerin'  after 
each  other  I  pursued  for  weeks  and  weeks,  and  the 
pain  wuz  fearful. 

Sister  Blanker  wuz  about  the  only  one  who  come 
out  hull,  and  she  had  plenty  of  time  to  set  down 
and  mourn  over  a  lack  of  opportunities  to  do  good, 
and  to  talk  a  sight  about  the  lukewarmness  of 
members  of  the  meetin'-house  in  good  works.  And 
there  they  wuz  to  home  a-sufferin',  and  it  wuz  her 
own  self  who  had  brung  it  all  on. 

You  see,  as  I  have  said  more  formally,  in  our 
efforts  to  march  forwards  to  do  good  it  is  highly 
neccessary  to  see  that  we  hain't  a-tromplin'  on 
anybody  ;  and  in  order  to  help  sinners  in  Africa  it 
hain't  neccessary  to  knock  down  Christians  in  New 
Jersey  and  Rhode  Island,  or  to  stomp  onto  profes- 
sors in  Maine. 

Howsumever,  that  is  some  folkses  ways. 

Wall,  I'd  a  been  a-lookin'  at  the  panorama  with 
one  half  of  my  mind  and  admirin'  the  beauty  round 
me  with  the  other  half. 

But  at  this  minute — and  it  wuz  lucky  my  eppisode 
had  come  to  an  end,  for  if  there  is  anything  I  hate  it 
is  to  be  broke  up  in  eppisodin' — my  J  osiah  returned. 

In  front  of  Horticultural  Hall  is  a  flower  terrace 
for  outdoor  exhibits  of  loveliness,  and  then  in  front 
of  that  is  the  beautiful,  cool  water,  and  down  in  the 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  399 

centre  of  that,  below  the  terrace,  and  its  beauty, 
and  vases,  is  a  boat-landin'.  The  water  did  look 
dretful  good  to  me  after  lookin'  at  so  many  gor- 
geous colors — more  than  any  rainbow  ever  boasted  of, 
enough  sight — it  did  seem  good  to  me  to  look  down 
into  them  cool  waters  ;    and  I  sez  to  my  pardner — 

"  The  water  does  look  dretful  good  and  sort  o' 
satisfying  don't  it,  Josiah?" 

A  bystander  a-standin'  by  sez,  "  I  guess  if  you 
would  go  into  the  south  pavilion  here  and  look  at 
the  display  of  wine  you  wouldn't  talk  about  lookin' 
at  water;  why,"  sez  he,  "to  say  nothin'  of  the  dis- 
play of  our  own  country,  the  exhibit  of  wine  from 
France,  Italy,  Spain,  and  Germany  is  enough  to 
set  a  man  half  crazy  to  look  at." 

I  looked  at  him  coldly — his  nose  wuz  as  red  as 
fire — and  I  sez,  "  I  hain't  got  no  call  to  look  at  wine. 

"  I  wouldn't  give  a  cent  a  barrel  for  the  best 
there  is  there,  if  I  had  got  to  consoom  it  myself. 

"Though,"  sez  I,  reasonably,  "  I  wouldn't  object 
to  havin'  a  pint  bottle  on't  to  keep  in  the  house  in 
case  of  sickness,  or  to  make  jell,  or  sunthin'. 

"  But  I  will  not  go  and  encourage  the  makin'  of 
such  quantities  as  there  is  there,  I  will  not  encourage 
'em  in  makin'  that  show." 

He  looked  mad,  and  sez  he,  "  T  guess  they  won't 
stop  their  show  because  you  won't  go  and  see  it." 


400  SAMANTIIA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"  Probable  not,"  sez  I  ;  but  sez  I,  real 
eloquent,  "  I  will  hold  up  my  banner  a-foot  or  on 
horseback." 

And  then  I  sez  to  my  husband,  with  quite  a 
good  deal  of  dignity — 

"  Less  proceed  to  the  Wooded  Island,  Josiah 
Allen." 

But  alas  !  for  Josiah's  hope  of  seein'  sunthin'  plain 
and  simple.  When  we  got  there,  that  seemed  to  be 
the  very  central  garden  of  the  earth  for  flowTers,  and 
beauty,  and  bloom,  and  there  it  wuz  that  we  see  the 
most  gorgeous  rainbow — all  made  of  pansies — glow 
and  dazzlement 

The    island    contains    seventeen    acres,     and    it 
stands  on  such  a  rise  of  ground,  that  every  buildin' 
on  the  Fairground  can  be  seen 
plain. 

In  the  centre  of  the  south 
end  wuz  the  rose  garden,  where 
the  choicest  and  most  beauti- 
ful roses  from  all  over  the 
world  bloom  in  their  glowin' 
richness. 

When  I  thought  how  much 
store  I  had  sot  by  one  little 
monthly  rose  a-growin'  in  a  old 
earthen  tea-pot  of  Mother  Al- 

His  nose  wuz  as  red  as  fire. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  4OI 

len's — and  when  it  wuz  all  blowTed  out  I  had  reason 
to  be  proud  on't — 

But  jest  think  of  seein'  fifty  thousand  of  the 
choicest  roses  in  the  world,  all  a-blowin'  out  at  one 
time. 

Why,  I  had  a  immense  number  of  emotions. 

I  thought  of  the  ancient  rose  gardens  we  read  of, 
and  Solomon's  Songs,  and  most  everything. 

It  wuz  surrounded  on  all  four  sides  with  a  wire 
trellis,  with  archways  openin'  on  four  sides,  and  all 
over  these  pretty  trellises  climbin'  roses  and  honey- 
suckles, and  all  lovely  climbin'  plants  covered  it 
into  four  walls  of  perfect  beauty. 

It  wuz  truly  the  World's  Rose  Garden. 

Well  might  Josiah  say  he  wuz  sick  of  flowers,  and 
wanted  to  see  some  plain  eord  wood  !  Why,  that 
day  we  see  in  one  batch  twenty  thousand  orchids, 
six  thousand  Parmee  violets,  and  one  man — jest  one 
man — sent  'leven  hundred  ivies  and  one  thousand 
hydarangeas,  and  every  flower  you  ever  hearn  on  in 
proportion,  let  alone  what  all  the  other  men  all 
over  the  earth  had  sent. 

On  the  north  side  of  the  island  Japan  jest  shows 
herself  at  her  very  best,  and  lets  the  world  see  her 
in  a  native  village,  and  how  she  raises  flowers,  and 
makes  shrubs  and  trees  look  curious  as  anything 
you  ever  see,  and   curiouser,  too  ;    all  surrounded  a 


402  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 

temple  where  she  keeps  what  she  ealls  her  religion, 
and  lots  of  other  things. 

Japan  is  one  of  the  likeliest  countries  that  are 
represented  in  Columbuses  doin's.  She  wuz  the 
first  country  to  respond  to  the  invitation  to  take 
part  in  it,  and  I  spoze  mebby  that  is  the  reason 
that  Chicago  gin  her  this  beautiful  place  to  hold 
her  own  individual  doins  in.  The  temple  is  a 
gorgeous-lookin'  one,  but  queer  as  anything — as 
anything  I  ever  see. 

But  then,  on  the  other  hand,  I  spoze  them  Japans 
would  call  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house  queer;  for 
what  is  strange  in  one  country  is  second  nater  in 
another. 

This  temple  is  built  with  one  body  and  two 
wings,  to  represent  the  Phoenix — or  so  they  say  ;  the 
wood  part  wuz  built  in  Japan  and  put  up  here  by 
native  Japans,  brung  over  for  that  purpose. 

It  is  elaborate  and  gorgeous-lookin'  in  the  ex- 
treme, and  the  gorgeousness  a-differin'  from  our 
gorgeousness  as  one  star  differeth  from  a  rutabaga 
turnip. 

Not  that  I  mean  any  disrespect  to  Japan  or  the 
United  States  by  the  metafor,  but  I  had  to  use  a 
strong  one  to  show  off  the  difference. 

In  one  wing  of  the  temple  is  exhibited  articles 
from  one  thousand  to  four  thousand  years  old — old 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  8   FAIR.  403 

bronzes,  and  arms,  and  first  attempts  at  pottery  and 
lacquer. 

Some  of  these  illustrate  arts  that  are  lost  fur  baek 
in  the  past — I  d'no  how  or  where,  nor  Josiah 
don't. 

In  the  other  wing  are  Japan  productions  four 
hundred  years  old,  showin'  the  state  of  the  country 
when  Columbus  sot  out  to  discover  their  country  ; 
for  it  wuz  stories  of  a  wonderful  island — most  prob- 
able Japan — that  wuz  one  thing  that  influenced 
Columbus  strong. 

In  the  main  buildin'  are  sights  and  sights  of 
goods  from  Japan  at  the  present  clay. 

All  of  the  north  part  of  the  island  is  a  marvellous 
show  of  their  skill  and  ingenuity  in  landscape  gar- 
denin',  and  dwarf  trees,  and  the  wonderful  garden 
effects  for  which  they  are  noted. 

They  make  a  present  of  the  temple  and  all  of 
these  hortieultural  wTorks  to  Chicago, 

To  remain  always  a  ornament  of  Jackson  Park, 
which  I  eall  very  pretty  in  'em. 

Take  it  all  together,  the  exhibits  of  Japan  are 
about  as  interesting  as  that  of  any  country  of  the 
globe. 

In  some  things  they  go  ahead  of  us  fur.  Now  in 
some  of  their  meetin'-houscs  I  am  told  they  don't 
have  much  of  anything  but  a  lookin'-glass  a-hangin', 


404  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

to  show  the  duty  and  neccessity  of  lookin'  at  your 
own  sins. 

To  set  for  a  hour  and  a  half  and  examine  your 
own  self  and  meditate  on  your  own  shortcomin's. 

How  useful  and  improvin'  that  would  be  if  used — 
as  it  ort  to  be — in  Jonesville  or  Chicago  ! 

But  still  the  world  would  call  it  queer. 

I  leaned  up  hard  on  that  thought,  and  wuz  car- 
ried safe  through  all  the  queer  sights   I  see  there. 

I  see  quite  a  number  of  the  Japans  there,  pretty, 
small-bonded  folks,  with  faces  kinder  yellowish 
brown,  dark  eyes  sot  considerable  fur  back  in  their 
heads,  their  noses  not  Romans  by  any  means — quite 
the  reverse — and  their  hair  glossy  and  dark,  little 
hands  and  feet.  Some  on  'em  wTuz  dressed  like  Jones- 
villians,  but  others  had  their  queer-shaped  clothin', 
and  dretful  ornamental.  Josiah  wuz  bound  to  have 
a  sack  embroidered  like  one  of  theirn,  and  some 
wooden  shoes,  and  caps  with  tossels — he  thought 
they  wuz  dressy — and  he  wanted  some  big  sleeves 
that  he  could  use  as  a  pocket  ;  and  then  sez  he — 

"To  have  shoes  that  have  a  separate  place  for 
the  big  toe,  what  a  boon  for  that  dum  old  corn  on 
that  toe  of  mine  that  would  be  !" 

But  I  frowned  on  the  idee  ;  but  sez  he — 

"If  you  mind  the  expense,  I  could  take  one  of 
your  old  short  night-gowns  and  color  it  black,  and 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  405 

set  some  embroidery  onto  it.  I  could  cut  some 
figgers  out  of  creton — it  wouldn't  be  much  work. 
Why,"  sez  he,  "  I  could  pin  'cm  on — no,  dum  it 
all,"  scz  he,  "  I  couldn't  set  down  in  it,  but  I  could 
glue  'em  on." 

But  I  sez,  "If  you  want  to  f  oiler  the  Japans  I 
could  tell  you  a  custom  of  theirn,  and  I  would  give 
ten  cents  willin'ly  to  sec  you  f oiler  it." 

"What  is  that  ?"  sez  he,  ready,  as  I  could  see,  to 
ornament  himself,  or  shave  his  hair,  or  dress  up  his 
big  toe,  or  anything. 

But  I  sez,  "  It  is  their  politeness,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  I'd  be  a  dum  fool  if  I  wuz  in  your  place,"  sez 
he.  "  What  do  I  want  to  foiler  'em  for  ?  I  am 
polite,  and  always  wuz." 

I  looked  coldly  at  him,  and  sez  I — 

"Japans  wouldn't  call  their  wives  a  dum  fool  no 
quicker  than   they  would  take  their  heads  off." 

Sez  he,  conscience-struck,  "  I  didn't  call  you 
one.  I  said  /would  be  one  if  I  wuz  in  your  place 
— I   wuz  a-demeanin'  myself,  Samantha." 

Sez  I,  not  mindin'  his  persiflage,  "The  Japans  are 
the  politest  nation  on  the  earth  ;  they  say  cheatin' 
and  lyin'  hain't  polite,  and  so  they  don't  want  to  foi- 
ler 'em  ;  they  hitch  principle  and  politeness  right  up 
in  one  team  and  ride  after  it." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he.  "  I  do  and  always  have," 


406  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

I  wouldn't  deign  to  argue  with  him,  only  I  re~ 
marked,  "  Wall,  the  team  prances,  and  throws  you 
time  and  again,  Josiah   Allen." 

Sez  I,  "The  Japans  are  neat,  industrious,  stu- 
dious, and  progressive,  ardent  in  desirin'  knowl- 
edge." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "  if  you  think  so  much  on  'em, 
why  don't  you  buy  a  pipe — they  all  smoke,  men  and 
wimmen." 

He  didn't  love  to  hear  me  praisin'  even  a  nation, 
that  man  didn't,  but  I  soothed  him  down  by  draw- 
in'  his  attention  to  the  housen  of  the  little  village. 

They  wuz  low,  and  had  broad  eaves,  and  a  sort 
of  a  piazza  a-runnin'  all  round  'em  ;  they  seemed  to 
be  kinder  plastered  on  the  outside;  and  the  doors 
and  winders — I  wouldn't  want  to  swear  to  it — but 
they  did  seem  to  be  wood  frames  covered  with 
paper,  that  would  slide  back  and  forth,  and  the  par- 
titions of  the  housen  seemed  to  be  made  of  paper 
that  could  be  slipped  and  slided  every  way,  or  be 
took  down  and  turn   the  hull  house  into  one  room. 

And  the  little  gardens  round  the  housen  looked 
curious  as  a  dog,  and  curiouser,  with  trees  and  shrubs 
dwarfed  and  trained  into  forms  of  animals  and  so 
forth. 

But  I  leaned  heavy  on  the  thought  that  my 
house  and  garden  in  J  ones vi lie  would  look  jest  as 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


407 


queer  to  'em,  and  got  along  without  beln'  too 
dumbfoundered.  As  I  wuz  a-walkin'  along  there  I 
did  think  of  the  errant  Old  Miss  Baker  sent  by  me. 

She  wanted  me  to  git  her  a  japanned  dust-pan. 
She  said  that  "  them  she  bought  of  tin-peddlers 
vvuzn't  worth  a  eent — the  japan  all  wore  off  of 'em." 

"  But,"  sez  she,  "  you  buy  it  right  at  headquarters — 
you'd  be  apt  to  git  a  good  one  ;"  and  she  told  me  that 
I  might  go  as  high  as  twenty-five  cents  if  I  couldn't 
git  it  for  no  less. 

And  I  spoke  on't  there,  but  Josiah  said  "that  he 
wouldn't  go  a-luggin'  round  dust-pans  for  nobody 
to  this  Fair." 

But  I  sez,  "  I  guess  that  Columbus  went  through 
more  than  that." 

But  I  did  in  my  own  mind  hate  to  go  round 
before  the  nations  a-carryin'  a  dust-pan — they're  so 
kinder  rakish-l<  >okin\ 

But  if  I'd  seen  a  good  one  I  should  have  leaned 
on  duty  and  bought  it. 

But  we  didn't  see  no  signs 
of  any. 

But  we  see  pictures  and 
ornaments  so  queer  that  I  felt 
my  own  eyes  a-movin'  round 
sideways  a-beholclin'  of  'em,  or 
would  have  if  we  had  staved 


My  peaceful  pillow  at  Miss 
Plankses, 


408  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

there  long  enough.  We  see  as  we  wended  along 
that  all  round  the  island  wuz  another  garden  all 
full  of  flowers,  and  ornamental  grasses,  and  beau- 
tiful shrubs,  and  windin'  walks,  and  so  forth,  and  so 
forth,  and  so  forth — an  Eden  of  beauty. 

And  in  one  place  we  see  in  a  large  tank  the  Vic- 
toria Regia.  Its  leaves  wuz  ten  feet  long,  and  when 
in  the  water  in  its  own  home,  the  River  Amazon  in 
Brazil,  the  leaves  will   hold  up  a  child  six  years  old. 

Then  there  wuz  the  lotus  from  Egypt,  and  Indian 
lilies,  and  that  magnificent  flower,  Humboldt's  last 
discovery,  "  the  water  poppy." 

It  wuz  a  sight — a  sight. 

But  of  all  the  sights  I  see  that  day  I  guess  the  one 
that  stayed  by  me  the  longest,  and  that  I  thought 
more  on  than  any  of  the  other  contents  of  Horti- 
cultural Hall,  as  I  lay  there  on  my  peaceful  pillow 
at  Miss  Plankses,  wuz  the  reproduction  of  the 
Crystal  Cave  of  Dakota. 

The  original  cave,  so  fur  as  they  have  discov- 
ered it,  is  thirty-three  milds  long — 

Three  times  as  long  as  the  hull  town  of  Lyme — 
the  idee  ! 

Thirty  lakes  of  pure  water  has  been  found  in 
it,  and  one  thousand  four  hundred  rooms  have 
been  opened  up. 

Here  is  a  reproduetion  of  seven  of  them  rooms. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  409 

Two  men  of  Deadwood  of  Dakota  wuz  over  a 
year  a-gittin'  specimens  of  the  stalactites  and  sta- 
lagmites which  they  have  brought  to  the  Exposition. 

One  of  the  rooms  is  called  "  Garden  of  the 
Gods ;"  another  is  "  Abode  of  the  Fairies,"  and 
one  is  the  "  Bridal  Chamber ;"  another  is  the 
"  Cathedral  Chimes." 

Language  can't  paint  nor  do  anything  towards 
paintin'  the  dazzlin'  glory  of  them  rooms,  with 
the  great  masses  of  gleamin'  crystal,  and  slender 
columns,  and  all  sorts  of  forms  and  fancies  wrought 
in  the  dazzlin'  crystalline  masses. 

The  chimes  wuz  perfect  in  their  musical  records 
— the  guide  played  a  tune  on  'em. 

They  wuz  all  lit  up  by  electricity,  and  it  wuz  here 
that  the  plants  wuz  a-growin'  by  no  other  light 
but  electricity. 

By  windin'  passages  a-windin'  through  groups  of 
fairy-like  beauty  and  grandeur,  you  at  last  come  out 
into  the  principal  chamber,  and  here  indeed  you  did 
feel  that  you  wuz  in  the  Garden  of  the  Gods,  as  you 
looked  round  and  beheld  with  your  almost  dazzled 
eyes  the  gorgeous  colors  radiatin'  from  the  crystals, 
and  the  gleamin'  and  glowin'  fancies  on  every  side 
of  you. 

And  I  sez  to  Josiah — - 

"The  hull  thirty-three  mi  Ids  that  this  represents 


4IO  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

wuz  considered  till  about  a  year  ago  as  only  a  small 
hole  in  the  ground,  so  little  do  we  know."  Sez  I, 
"  What  glorious  and  majestic  sights  are  about  us 
on  every  side,  liable  to  be  revealed  to  us  when  the 
time  comes." 

And  then  he  wuz  all  rousted  up  about  a  hole  down 
in  our  paster.  Sez  he,  "Who  knows  what  it  would 
lead  to  if  it  wuz  opened  up  ?"  Sez  he,  "  I'll  put 
twenty  men  to  diggin'  there  the  minute  I  git  home." 

Sez  I,  "Josiah,  that  is  a  woodehuek  hole — the 
woodchuck  wuz  took  in  it  ;  you  have  got  to  be 
megum  in  caves  as  much  as  anything.  Be  calm," 
sez  I,  for  he  wuz  a-breathin'  hard  and  wuz  fearful 
excited,  and  1  led  him  out  as  quick  as  I  could. 

But  he  wuz  a-sleepin'  now  peaceful,  forgittin'  his 
enthusiasm,  while  I,  who  took  it  calm  at  the  time, 
kep  awake  to  muse  on  the  glory  of  the  spectacle. 

After  we  left  the  Horticultural  Buildin'  I  pro- 
posed that  we  should  branch  out  for  once  and  git  a 
fashionable  dinner. 

"  Dinner  !"  sez  Josiah.  "Are  you  crazy,  or  what 
does  ail  you  ?  Talk  about  gittin'  dinner  at  this  time 
of  day — most  bedtime  !" 

But  I  explained  it  out  to  him  that  fashion  called 
for  dinner  at  the  hour  that  we  usually  partook  of 
our  evenin'  meal  at  Jonesvillc. 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah,  I  would  love  for  jest  once  to  go 


SAMANTHA  at  the  worlds  fair.  411 

to  a  big  fashionable  restaurant  and  mingle  with  the 
fashionable  throng — jest  for  instruction  and  educa- 
tion, Josiah,  not  that  I  want  to  foller  it  up." 

But  sez  he,  "  We'd  better  go  to  the  same  old 
place  where  we've  got  good,  clean  dinners  and  sup- 
perses,  and  enough  on  'em,  and  at  a  livin'  price." 

But  he  argued  warm  at  the  foolishness  of  the 
enterprise. 

But  onlucky  creeter  that  I  wuz,  I  argued  that, 
bein'  a  woman  in  search  of  instruction  and  wisdom, 
I  wanted  to  see  life  on  as  many  sides  as  I  could  ; 
while  I  was  at  Columbuses  doin's  I  wanted  to  look 
round  and  see  all  I  could  in  a  social  and  educational 
way. 

Poor  deceived  human  creeters,  how  they  will 
blind  their  own  eyes  when  they  pursue  their  own 
desires  ! 

I  do  spoze  it  wuz  vanity  and  pride  that  wuz  at 
the  bottom  of  it. 

And  truly,  if  I  desired  to  see  life  on  a  new  side  I 
wuz  about  to  have  my  wish  ;  and  if  I  had  a  haughty 
sperit  when  I  entered  that  hall  of  fashion,  it  wuz 
with  droopin'  feathers  and  lowered  crest  that  I  went 
out  on't. 

Josiah  wuz  mad  when  he  finally  gin  up  and 
accompanied  and  went  in  with  me. 

It  wuz  a  beautifully  decorated  room,  and  crowds 


412  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

of  splendidly  dressed  men  and  wimmen  wuz  a-settin' 
round  at  little  tables  all  over  the  room. 

And  as  we  went  in,  a  tall,  elegant-lookin'  man,  who 
I  spozed  for  a  long  time  wuz  a  minister,  and  I  won- 
dered enough  what  brung  him  there,  and  why  he 
should  advance  and  wait  on  me,  but  spozed  it  wuz 
because  of  the  high  opinion  they  had  of  me  at 
Chicago,  and  their  wantin'  to  use  me  so  awful  well 

But  for  all  his  white  collar,  and  necktie,  and  sanc- 
timonious look,  I  found  out  that  he  wuz  a  waiter, 
for  all  on  'cm  looked  jest  as  he  did,  slick  enough  to 
be  kept  in  a  bandbox,  and  only  let  out  once  in  a 
while  to  air. 

Wall,  he  led  the  way  to  a  little  table,  and  we 
seated  ourselves,  Josiah  still  a-actin'  mad — mad  as  a 
hen,  and  uppish. 

And  then  the  waiter  put  some  little  slips  of  paper 
before  us,  one  with  printin'  and  one  with  writin'  on 
it,  and  a  pencil,  and  sez  he,  "  I  will  be  back  when 
you  make  out  your  order." 

And  Josiah  took  out  his  old  silver  spectacles  and 
begun  to  read  out  loud,  and  his  voice  wuz  angry  and 
morbid  in  the  extreme. 

Sez  he,  loud  and  clear,  "  Blue  pints — pints  of 
what,  I'd  love  to  know?  If  it  wuz  a  good  pint  of 
sweetened  vinegar  and  ginger,  I'd  fall  in  with  the 
idee." 


I    ALLUS   HATED   CRABS  !' 


414  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

Sez  I,  "Keep  still,  Josiah ;  they're  a-lookin'  at 
you." 

"Wall,  let'em  look,"  sez  he,  out  loud  and  defiant. 

"  Consomme  of  chicken  a  la  princess — what  do 
we  want  of  Princesses  here,  or  Queens,  or  Dukes- 
ses — we  want  sunthin'  to  eat  !  Devilish  crabs — 
do  you  want  some,  Samantha  ?" 

I  looked  over  his  shoulder,  in  wild  horrer  at  them 
awful  words,  and  then  I  whispered,  "  Devilled 
crabs — and  do  you  keep  still,  Josiah  Allen  ;  I'd 
ruther  not  have  anythin'  to  eat  at  all  than  to  have 
you  act  so — it  hain't  devilish." 

"Wall,  what  is  the  difference?"  he  sez,  out  loud 
and  strong  ;  "  devilish  or  bedevilled,  they  both  mean 
the  same. 

"  And  it  is  true,  too — too  true  ;  thev  are  all  bedevil- 
led," sez  he,  gloomily  eyin'  the  bill. 

I  allers  hated  crabs  from  the  time  they  used  to 
fasten  to  my  bare  toes  down  in  the  old  swimmin'  hole 
in  the  creek.  "  Wall,  you  don't  want  any  bedevilled 
crabs,  do  you  ?" 

"  No,"  sez  I,  faintly  ;  for  I  wuz  mortified  enough  to 
sink  through  the  floor  if  there  had  been  any  sinkin' 
place,  and  I  whispered,  "  I'd  ruther  go  without  any 
dinner  at  all  than  to  have  you  act  so." 

"Oh,  no,"  sez  he,  loud  and  positive,  "you  don't 
want   to   go  without  your   dinner  ;    you  want  to   be 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  415 

fashionable  and  cut  style  —  you  want  to  make  a 
show." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  faint  as  a  cat,  "  I  am  apt  to  git  my 
wish." 

For  three  men  looked  up  and  laughed,  and  one 
girl  snickered,  besides  some  other  wimmen. 

Sez  I,  hunchin'  him,  "  Do  be  still  and  less  go  to 
our  old  place." 

"  Oh,  no,"  sez  he,  speakin'  up  to  the  top  of  his 
voice,    "  don't  less  leave  ;   here  is  such  a  variety  !" 

"  Potatoes  surprise,"  sez  he  ;  "  it  must  be  that  they 
are  mealy  and  cooked  decent ;  that  would  be  about 
as  much  of  a  surprise  as  I  could  have  about  potatoes 
here,  to  have  'em  biled  fit  to  eat ;  we'll  have  some  of 
them,  anyway. 

"  Philadelphia  caperin' — I  didn't  know  that  Phil- 
adelphia caperin'  wuz  any  better  than  Chicago 
a-caperin'  or  New  York  a-caperin'.  Veal  o  just  !  I 
guess  if  lie  had  been  kicked  by  calves  as  much  as  I 
have,  he  wouldn't  talk  so  much  about  their  Christian 
habits. 

"  Leg  of  million  with  caper  sass — wall,  it  is  nateral 
for  sheep  to  caper  and  act  sassy,  and  it  is  nobody's 
bizness. 

"  Supreme  pinted  bogardus — what  in  thunder  is 
that  ?  Supreme — wall,  I've  hearn  of  a  supreme 
ijiot,  and  T  believe  that  Bogardus  is  bis  name. 


416  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"Terrapin  a-layin'  on  Maryland — I  never  knew 
that  terrapin  wuz  a  hen  before,  and  why  is  it  any 
better  to  lay  on  Maryland  than  anywhere  else  ? 
Aiebby  eggs  are  higher  there  ;  wall,  Maryland  hain't 
much  too  big  for  a  good-sized  hen's  nest,  nor  Rhode 
Island  neither." 

"Josiah  Allen,"  I  whispered,  deep  and  solemn, 
"  if  you  don't  stop  I  will  part  with  you." 

Folks  wuz  in  a  full  snicker  and  a  giggle  by  this 
time. 

"Oh,  no,"  sez  he,  loud  and  strong,  "you  don't 
want  to  part  with  me  till  I  git  you  a  fashionable 
dinner,  and  we  both  cut  style. 

"  Tenderloin  of  beef  a-tryin'  on" — a-tryin'  on 
what,  I'd  love  to  know  ? — style,  most  probable,  this 
is  such  a  stylish  place." 

"Will  you  be  still,  Josiah  Allen?"  sez  I,  a-layin' 
holt  of  his  vest. 

"  No,  I  won't  ;  I  am  tryin'  to  put  on  style,  Saman- 
tha,  and  buy  you  sunthin'  stylish  to  eat." 

"  Wall,  you  needn't,"  sez  I  ;  "I  have  lost  my 
appetite." 

"  Siberian  Punch  !  Let  him  come  on,"  sez  Josiah  ; 
"  if  I  can't  use  my  fists  equal  to  any  dum  Siberian 
that  ever  trod  shoe  leather,  then  I'll  give  in." 

Then  three  wimmen  giggled,  and  the  waiters  be- 
2fan  to  look  mad  and  troubled. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  417 

"  English  rifles" — wall,  I  shouldn't  have  thought 
they  would  have  tried  that  agin.  No,  trifles,"  sez 
he,  a-lookin'  closer  at  it. 

"  English  trifles  ! — lions'  tails  and  coronets,  meb- 
by — English  trifles  and  tutty-frutty.  Do  have  some 
tutty-frutty,  Samantha,  it  has  such  a  stylish  sound  to 
it,  so  different  from  good  pork  and  beans  and  roast 
beef  ;   I  believe  you  would  enjoy  it  dearly. 

"Waiter,"  sez  he,  "bring  on  some  tutty-frutty  to 
once." 

The  waiter  approached  cautiously,  and  made  a 
motion  to  me,  and  touched  his  forehead. 

lie  thought  he  wuz  crazy,  and  he  whispered  to 
me,  "  Is  it  caused  by  drinkin'  ?  or  is  it  nateral  and 
come  on  sudden 

Josiah  heard  it,  and  answered  out  loud,  "  It  wuz 
caused  by  style,  by  bein'  fashionable  ;  my  only  aim 
has  been  to  git  my  wife  a  fashionable  dinner,  but  I 
see  it  has  overcome  her." 

The  waiter  wuz  a  good-hearted-lookin'  man — a 
kind  heart  beat  below  that  white  necktie  ('consid- 
erable below  it  on  the  left  side),  and  sez  he  to  me — 

"  Shall  I  bring  you  a  dinner,  Mom,  without  takin' 
the  order  ?" 

And  I  replied  gratefully— 

"Yes,  so  do  ;"  and  so  he  brung  it,  a  good  enough 
dinner  for  anybody— good  roast  beef,  and  potatoes. 


41 S  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

and  lemon  pie,  and  tea,  and  Josiah  eat  hearty,  and 
had  to  quiet  down  some,  though  he  kept  a-mournin' 
all  through  the  meal  about  its  not  bein'  carried  on 
fashionable  and  stylish,  and  that  it  wuz  my  doin's 
a-breakin'  it  up,  and  etc.,  etc.,  and  the  last  thing 
a-wantin'   tutty-f  rutty,  and  etc.,  etc. 

And  I  paid  for  the  meal  out  of  my  own  pocket  ; 
the  waiter  thought  I  had  to  on  account  of  my 
companion's  limy  state,  and  he  gin  the  bill  to 
me. 

And  Josiah  a-ehucklin'  over  it,  as  I  could  sec, 
for  savin'  his  money. 

And  I  got  him  out  of  that  place  as  quick  as  I 
could,  the  bystanders,  or  rather  the  bvsetters, 
a-laughin'  or  a-lookin'  pitiful  at  me,  as  their  naters 
differed. 

And  as  we  wended  off  down  the  broad  path  on 
the  outside,  I  sez,  "You  have  disgraced  us  forever 
in  the  eyes  of  the  nation,  Josiah  Allen." 

And  he  sez,  "  What  have  I  done  ?  You  can't  throw 
it  in  my  face,  Samantha,  that  I  hain't  tried  to 
cut  style — that  1  didn't  try  to  git  you  a  stylish 
meal." 

I  wouldn't  say  a  word  further  to  him,  and  I  never 
spoke  to  him  once  that  night — not  once,  only  in  the 
night  I  thought  there  wuz  a  mouse  in  the  room,  and 
J  forgot  myself  and  called,  on  him  for  help. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS    FAIR.  419 

And  for  three  days  I  didn't  pass  nothin'  but  the 
compliments  with  him  ;  he  felt  bad — he  worships 
me.  He  did  it  all  to  keep  me  from  goin'  to  a 
costly  place — I  know  what  his  motives  wuz — but 
he  had  mortified  me  too  deep. 


CHAPTER  XV. 

Wall,  this  mornin'  I  said  that  I  would  go  to  see 
the  Palace  of  Art  if  1  had  to  go  on  my  hands  and 
knees. 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  I  guess  you'd  need  a  new  pair 
of  knees  by  the  time  you  got  there." 

And  I  do  spoze  it  wuz  milds  and  milds  from 
where  I  wuz. 

But  I  only  wanted  to  let  Josiah  Allen  know  my 
cast-iron  determination  to  not  be  put  off  another 
minute  in  payin'  my  devours  to  Art. 

He  see  it  writ  in  my  mean  and  didn't  make  no 
moves  towards  breakin'  it  up. 

Only  he  muttered  sunthin'  about  not  carin'  so 
much  about  ile  paintin's  as  he  did  for  lots  of  other 
things. 

But  I  heeded  him  not,  and  sez  I,  "  We  will  go  early 
in  the  mornin'  before  any  one  gits  there."  But  I 
iruess  that   several    hundred    thousand    other    folks 

o 

must  have  laid  on  the  same  plans  overnight,  for  we 
found  the  rooms  full  and  runnin'  over  when  we  got 
there, 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  42 1 

Before  we  got  to  the  Art  Palace,  you'd  know  you 
wuz  in  its  neighborhood  by  the  beautiful  statutes 
and  groups  of  riggers  you'd  see  all  round  you. 

The  buildin'  itself  is  a  gem  of  art,  if  you  can  call 
anything  a  gem  that  is  acres  and  acres  big  of  itself, 
and  then  has  immense  annexes  connected  with  it  by 
broad,  handsome  corridors  on  either  side. 

It  is  Greek  in  style,  and  the  dome  rises  one  hun- 
dred and  twenty-five  feet  and  is  surmounted  by 
Martiny's  wonderful  winged  AActory. 

Another  female  is  depictered  standin'  on  top  of 
the  globe  with  wreaths  in  her  outstretched  hands. 

Wall,  I  hope  the  figger  is  symbolical,  and  I  be- 
lieve in  my  soul  she  is  ! 

You  enter  this  palace  by  four  great  portals,  beau- 
tiful with  sculptured  riggers  and  ornaments,  and  as 
you  go  on  in  the  colonnade  you  see  beautiful  paint- 
in's  illustratin'  the  rise  and  progress  of  Art. 

And  way  up  on  the  outside,  on  what  they  call  the 
freeze  of  the  buildin'  (and  good  land  !  I  don't  see 
what  they  wuz  a-thinkin'  on,  for  I  wuz  jest  a-meltin' 
down  where  T  wuz,  and  it  must  have  been  hotter  up 
there). 

But  that's  their  way. 

Wall,  way  up  there  and  on  the  pediment  of  the 
principal  entrances  are  sculptures  and  portraits  of 
the  ancient  masters  of  Art  in  relief. 


422  SAM  A  NTH  A   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

In  relief?  That's  what  they  called  it,  and  I  spoze 
them  old  men  must  felt  real  relieved  and  contented 
to  be  sot  down  there  in  such  a  grand  place,  and  so 
riz  up  like.  You  could  see  plain  by  their  liniments 
how  glad  and  proud  they  wuz  to  be  in  Chicago, 
a-lookin'  down  on  that  seen  of  beauty  all  round  'em. 
Lookin'  down  on  the  terraces  richly  ornamented 
with  balustrades — down  over  the  immense  flight  of 
steps  down  into  the  blue  water,  with  its  flocks  of 
steam  lanches,  and  gondolas,  like  gay  birds  of  pas- 
sage, settled  down  there  ready  for  flight. 

All  the  light  in  this  buildin' comes  down  through 
immense  skylights. 

There  is  no  danger  of  folks  a-fallin'  out  of  the 
winders  or  havin'  anybody  peck  in  unless  it  is  t he 
man  in  the  moon. 

All  round  this  vast  room  is  a  gallery  forty  feet 
wide,  where  you  could  lock  arms  and  promenade, 
and  talk  about  hens. 

But  you  wouldn't  want  to,  I  don't  believe.  You'd 
want  to  spend  every  minute  a-feastin'  your  eyes  on 
the  Best  of  the  World. 

All  along  the  floors  of  the  nave  and  transepts 
are  displayed  the  most  beautiful  sculptures  that  wuz 
ever  sculped  in  any  part  of  the  world,  while  the 
walls  are  covered  with  paintin's  and  sculptured 
panels  in  relief. 


424  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

That's  what  they  call  'em,  because  it's  such  a 
relief  for  folks  to  set  down  and  look  at  'em. 

Between  the  promenades  and  naves  and  tran- 
septs are  the  smaller  rooms,  where  the  private 
collections  of  picters  are  kep  and  the  works  of  the 
different  Art  Schools,  and  the  four  corners  are  filled 
with  smaller  picter  galleries. 

Why,  to  go  through  jest  one  of  them  annexes, 
let  alone  the  palace  itself,  would  take  a  week  if  you 
examined  'em  as  you  ort  to.  Josiah  told  me  that 
mornin',  with  a  encouraged  look  onto  his  face — 

"  Samantha,  after  we've  seen  all  the  ile  paintin's 
we'll  go  somewhere,  and  have  a  good  time." 

"  But  good  land  !  sec  all  the  ile  paintin's  !" 

Why,  as  I  told  him  after  we'd  wandered  through 
there  for  hours  and  hours,  sez  1,  "  If  we  spent  every 
minute  of  the  hull  summer  we  couldn't  do  justice  to 
'em  all." 

And  we  couldn't.  Why,  it  has  been  all  calculated 
out  by  a  good  calculator,  that  spend  one  minute  to 
a  picter,  and  it  would  take  twenty-six  days  to  go 
through  'em.  And  good  land  !  what  is  one  minute 
to  some  of  the  picters  you  see.  Why,  half  a  day 
wuzn't  none  too  long  to  pour  over  some  on  'em, 
and  when  I  say  pour,  I  mean  pour,  for  I  see  dozens 
of  folks  vveepin'  quite  hard  before  some  on  'em. 

For   these   picters   wuzn't   picked  out   haphazard 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR.  425 

all  over  the  country.  No,  they  had  to,  every  one 
on  'em,  run  the  gantlet  of  the  most:  severe  and  close 
criticism. 

The  Jury  of  Admittance  stood  in  front  of  that 
gallery,  and  over  it,  as  you  may  say,  like  the  very 
finest  and  strongest  wire  sieve,  a-strainin'  out  all  but 
the  finest  and  clearest  merits.  No  dregs  could  git 
through — not  a  dreg. 

I  guess  that  hain't  a  very  good  metafor,  and  if  1 
wuzn't  in  such  a  hurry  I'd  look  round  and  try  to 
find  a  better  one,  not  knowin',  too,  but  what  that 
Jury  of  Admittance  will  feel  mad  as  hens  at  me  to 
be  compared  to  sieves  ;  but  I  don't  mean  the  com- 
mon wire  ones,  such  as  tin-peddlers  sell.  No,  I 
mean  the  searchin'  and  elevatin'  process  by  which 
the  very  best  of  our  country  and  the  hull  world  wuz 
separated  from  the  less  meritorious  ones,  and  spread 
out  there  for  the  inspiration  and  delight  of  the 
assembled  nations. 

And  wuzn't  it  a  sight  what  wuz  to  be  found 
there  ! 

Landscapes  from  every  land  on  the  globe — from 
Lapland  to  the  Orient.  Tropical  forests,  with  soft 
southern  faces  look  in'  out  of  the  verdant  shadows. 
Frozen  icebergs,  with  fur-clad  figgers  with  stern 
aspects,  and  grizzly  bears  and  ice-suckles. 

Bits    of  the   beauty  of   all    climes  under  all  skies, 


426  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

dark  or  sunny.  Mountains,  trees,  valleys,  forests, 
plains  and  prairies,  palaces  and  huts,  ships,  boats 
and  balloons.  The  beauty  and  the  sadness  of  every 
season  of  the  year,  beautiful  faces,  inspired  faces, 
humbly  faces,  strikin'  powerful  means,  and  mean 
cowardly  sly   liniments   looked   nut    on    every   side 

of  US. 

Picters  illustratin'  every  phase  of  human  life,  in 
every  corner  of  the  globe,  from  birth  to  death,  from 
kingly  prosperity  and  luxurious  ease  to  prisons  and 
scaffolds,  the  throne,  the  hospital,  the  convent,  the 
pulpit,  the  monastery,  the  home,  the  battle-field,  the 
mid-ocean,  and  the  sheltered  way,  and  Heaven  and 
Hell,  and  Life  and  Death. 

Every  seen  and  spot  the  human  mind  had  ever 
conceived  wuz  here  depictered. 

Every  emotion  man  or  woman  ever  felt,  every 
inspiration  that  ever  possessed  their  soul,  every  joy 
and  every  grief  that  ever  lifted  or  bowed  down 
their  heads  wuz  here  depictered. 

And  seens  from  the  literature  of  every  land  wuz 
illustrated,  the  world  of  matter,  the  world  of  mind, 
all  their  secrets  laid  bare  to  the  eyes  of  the  admirin' 
nations. 

It  wuz  a  sight — a  sight  ! 

Gallery  after  gallery,  room  after  room  did  we 
wander  through  till  the  froreeous  colorin'  seemed  to 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  427 

dye  our  very  thoughts  and  emotions,  and  I  looked 
at  Josiah  in  a  kinder  mixed-up,  lofty  way,  as  if  he 
wuz  a  ile  paintin'  or  a  statute,  and  he  looked  at  me 
almost  as  if  he  considered  me  a  chromo. 

It  wuz  a  time  not  to  be  forgot  as  long  as 
memory  sets  up  high  on  her  high  throne. 

Room  after  room,  gallery  after  gallery,  beauty 
dazzlin'  us  on  every  side,  and  lameness  and  twinges 
of  rumatiz  n-harassin'  us  in  our  four  extremities. 

Why,  the  sight  seemed  so  endless  and  so  immense, 
that  some  of  the  time  we  felt  like  two  needles  in  a 
haymow,  a  haymow  made  up  of  a  vision  of  loveli- 
ness, and  the  two  little  needles  feelin'  fairly  tuck- 
ered out,  and  blunted,  and  browbeat. 

Why,  we  got  so  kinder  bewildered  and  carried 
away,  that  some  of  the  time  I  couldn't  tell  whether 
the  masterpiece  I  wuz  a-devourin'  with  my  eyes 
come  from  Germany  or  Jonesville,  from  France  or 
Shackville,  from  Holland  or  from  Zoar,  up  in  the 
upper  part  of  Lyme. 

Of  course  amongst  that  endless  display  there 
wuz  some  picters  that  struck  such  hard  blows  at  the 
heart  and  fancy  that  you  can't  forgit  'em  if  you 
wanted  to,  which  most  probable  you  don't. 

And  now,  in  thinkin'  back  on  'em,  T  can't  sort 
'em  out  and  lay  'em  down  where  they  belong  and 
mark  'em  i,  2,  3,  4,  and  etcetry,  as  I'd  ort  to. 


428  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

But  I'm  jest  as  likely  to  let  my  mind  jump  right 
from  what  I  see  at  the  entrance  to  sunthin'  that  I 
see  way  to  the  latter  end  of  the  buildin',  and  visa 
versa. 

It  kinder  worries  me.  I  love  to  even  meditate 
and  allegore  with  some  degree  of  order  and  system, 
but  I  can't  here.  I  must  allegore  and  meditate  on 
'em  jest  as  they  come,  and  truly  a-thinkin'  on  these 
picters,  I  feel  as  Hosey  Bigelow  ust  to  say  : 

"  I  can't  tell  what's  comin' — gall  or  honey." 

But  some  of  them  picters  and  statutes  made 
perfect  dents  in  my  memory,  and  can't  be  smoothed 
out  agin  nohow. 

There  wuz  one  little  figger  jest  at  the  entrance 
where  we  went  in,  "The  Young  Acrobat,"  that 
impressed  me  dretfully. 

It  wuz  a  man's  hand  and  arm  that  wuz  a-risin'  up 
out  of  a  pedestal,  and  on  the  hand  wxuz  set  the 
cutest  little  baby  you  ever  see.  I  guess  it  wuz  the 
first  time  that  he'd  ever  sot  up  anywhere  out  of 
the  cradle  or  his  ma's  arms. 

He  looked  some  skairt,  and  some  proud,  and  too 
cunnin'  for  anything,  as  I  hearn  remarked  by  a  few 
hundred  female  wimmen  that  day. 

And  like  as  not  it  is  jest  like  my  incoherence  in 
revery  that  from  that  little  baby  my  mind  would 
spring  right    on    to    the    French    exhibit    to    that 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  429 

noble  statute:  of  Jennie  D.  Ark,  kneelin'  there  with 
her  clasped  hands  and  her  eyes  lifted  as  if  she  wuz 
a-sayin'  :  "I   did  hear  the  voices  !" 

And  so  she  did  hear  the  language  of  Heaven,  and 
the  dull  souls  around  her  wuz  too  earthly  to  com- 
prehend the  divine  harmonies,  and  so  they  burnt  her 
up  for  it. 

Lots  of  folks  are  burnt  up  in  different  fires  to-day, 
for  the  same  thing. 

Then  mebby  my  mind  will  jest  jump  to  the  "Age 
of  Iron"  or  to  the  "  Secrets  of  the  Tomb,"  or  "The 
Eagle  and  the  Vulture,"  or  "Washington  and  La- 
fayette," or  "  Chanty" — a  good-lookin'  creeter  she 
wuz — she  could  think  of  other  children  besides  her 
own  ;  or  mebby  it  will  jump  right  over  onto  the 
"  Indian  Buffalo  Hunt" — a  horse  a-rarin'  right  up  to 
git  rid  of  a  buffalo  tnat  wuz  a-pressin'  right  in 
under  its  forelegs. 

I  don't  see  how  that  hunter  could  stay  on  his 
back — I  couldn't — to  say  nothin'  to  shootin'  the 
arrows  into  the  critter  as  he's  a-doin'. 

Or  mebby  my  mind  '11  jump  right  over  to  the 
"  Soldier  of  Marathon,"  or  "  Eve,"  no  knowin'  at  all 
where  my  thoughts  will  take  me  amongst  them 
noble  marble  figgers. 

And  as  for  picters,  my  revery  on  'em  now 
is    a    perfect    sight ;    a    show    as  good    as  a  pano- 


430  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

rama  is  a-goin'  on  in  my  foretop  now  when  I 
let  my  thoughts  take  their  full  swing  on  them  pic- 
ters. 

Amongst  them  that  struck  the  hardest  blows  on 
my  fancy  wuz  them  that  told  stories  that  touched 
the  heart. 

There  wuz  one  in  the  Holland  exhibit,  called 
"  Alone  in  the  World,"  a  picter  that  rousted  up 
mv  feelin's  to  a  almost  alarmin'  extent  It  wuz  a 
picter  by  Josef  Israel. 

It  wuz  a  sight  to  see  how  this  picter  touched  the 
hearts  of  the  people.  No  grandeur  about  it,  but  it: 
held  the  soul  of  things — pathos,  heart-breakin'  sor- 
row. 

A  peasant  had  come  home  to  his  bare-lookin' 
cottage,  and  found  his  wife  dead  in  her  bed. 

He  didn't  rave  round  and  act,  and  strike  an  atti- 
tude. No,  he  jest  turned  round  and  sot  there  on 
his  hard  stool,  with  his  hands  on  his  knees,  a-facin' 
the   bare   future. 

The  hull  of  the  desolation  of  that  long  life  of 
emptiness  and  grief  that  he  sees  stretch  out  before 
him  without  her,  that  he  had  loved  and  lost,  wuz  in 
the  man's  grief-stricken  face. 

It  wuz  that  face  that  made  up  the  loss  and  the 
strength  of  the  picter. 

I    cried   and  wept    in    front  of  it,  and  cried  and 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR 


431 


wept.  I  thought  what  if  that  wuz  Josiah  that  sot 
there  with  that  agony  in  his  face,  and  that  desola- 
tion in  his  heart,  and  I  couldn't  comfort  him — 

Couldn't  say  to  him:  "Josiah,  we'll  bear  it  to- 
gether." 

I  wuz  fearful  overcome. 


I    CRIED    AND    WEPT    IN    FRONT    OF    IT,    AND    CRIED    AND    WEPT. 


And  then  there  wuz  another  picter  called  "  Break- 
in'  1  [ome  Ties." 

.V  crowd  always  stood  before  that. 

It  wu/  a  boy  jest  a-settin'  out  to  seek  his  fortune. 
Hie  breakfast-table  still  stood  in  the  room.  The 
old  grandma  a-settin'  there  still  ;  time  had  dulled 
her  vision  for  lookin'  forward.  She  wuz  a-lookin' 
into  the  past,  into  the  realm  that  had   held  so  many 


432  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

partin's  for  her,  and  mebby  lookin'  way  over  the 
present  into  the  land  of  meetin's. 

The  little  girl  with  her  hand  on  the  old  dog  is 
too  small  to  fully  realize  what  it  all  means. 

But  in  the  mother's  faee  you  can  see  the  full 
meanin'  of  the  partin' — the  breakin'  of  the  old 
ties  that  hound  her  boy  so  fast  to  her  in  the  past. 

The  let  tin'  him  go  out  into  the  evil  world  with- 
out her  lovin'  watchfulness  and  love.  All  the  love 
that  would  fain  go  with  him — all  the  admonition 
that  she  would  fain  give  him — all  the  love  and  all 
the  hope  she  feels  for  him  is  writ  in  her  gentle  face. 

As  for  the  boy,  anticipation  and  dread  are  writ  on 
his  mean,  hut  the  man  is  waitin'  impatient  outside 
to  take  him  away.     The  partin'  must  come. 

You  turn  away,  glad  you  can't  see  that  last  kiss. 

Then  there  wuz  "  Holy  Night,"  the  Christ  Child, 
with  its  father  and  mother,  and  some  surroundin' 
worshippers  of  both  sects. 

Mary's  face  held  all  the  sweetness  and  strength 
you'd  expect  to  see  in  the  mother  of  our  Lord. 
And  Joseph  looked  real  well  too — quite  well. 

Josiah  said  that  "the  halos  round  his  head  and 
Mary's  looked  some  like  big  white  plates." 

But  I  sez,  "  You  hain't  much  of  a  judge  of  halos, 
anyway.  Mebby  if  you  should  try  to  make  a  few 
halos  you'd  speak  better  of  'cm." 


SAMANTIIA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  433 

I  often  think  this  in  the  presence  of  critics,  mebby 
if  they  should  lay  holt  and  paint  a  few  picters,  they 
wouldn't  find  fault  with  'em  so  glib.  It  looks  real 
mean  to  me  to  see  folks  find  so  much  fault  with 
what  they  can't  do  half  so  well  themselves. 

Then  there  wuz  the  wimmen  at  the  tomb  of  the 
Christ.  The  door  is  open,  the  Angel  is  begenin' 
for  'em  to  enter. 

In  the  faces  of  them  weepin',  waitin'  wimmen 
is  depictered  the  very  height  and  depth  of  sorrow. 
You  can't  see  the  face  of  one  on  'em,  but  her 
poster  gives  the  impression  of  absolute  grief  and 
loss. 

The  quiverin'  lips  seems  formin'  the  words — 
"Farwell,  farwell,  best  beloved." 

Deathless  love  shines  through  the  eyes  streamin' 
with  tears. 

In  the  British  section  there  wuz  one  picter  that 
struck  such  a  dee})  blow  onto  my  heart  that  its 
strings  hain't  got  over  vibratin'  still. 

They  send  back  sonic  of  them  deep,  thrillin'  echoes 
every  time  I  think  on't  in  the  day-time  or  wake  up 
in  the  night  and  think  on't. 

Tt  wuz  "  Love  and  Death,"  and  wuz  painted  by 
Mr.  AVatts,  of  London. 

It  showed  a  home  where  Love  had  made  its  sweet 
restin'-place — vines  grew  up  round  the  pleasant  door- 


434  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S    FAIR. 

way,  emblematic  of  how  the  heart's  deep  affection 
twined  round  the  spot. 

But  in  the  door-way  stood  a  mighty  form,  veiled 
and  shadowy,  but  relentless.  It  has  torn  the  vines 
down,  they  lay  witherin'  at  its  feet.  It  wuz  bound 
to  enter. 

Though  you  couldn't  see  the  face  of  this  veiled 
shape,  a  mysterious,  dretful  atmosphere  darkened 
and  surrounded  it,  and  you  knew  that  its  name  wuz 
Death. 

Love  stood  in  the  door-way,  vainly  a-tryin'  to  keep 
it  out,  but  you  could  see  plain  how  its  pleadin',  im- 
plorin'  hand,  extended  out  a-tryin'  to  push  the  rig- 
ger away,  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  swept  aside  by  the  in- 
exorable, silent  shape. 

Death  when  he  goes  up  on  a  door-step  and  pauses 
before  a  door  has  got  to  enter,  and  Love  can't  push 
it  away.  No,  it  can  only  git  its  wings  torn  off  and 
trompled  on  in  the  vain  effort. 

It  wuz  a  dretful  impressive  pictcr,  one  that  can't 
be  forgot  while  life  remains. 

On  the  opposite  wall  wuz  Crane's  noble  pictcr, 
"  Freedom ;"  I  stood  before  that  for  some  time 
nearly  lost  and  by  the  side  of  myself.  Crane  did 
first-rate  ;  I'd  a  been  glad  to  have  told  him  so — it 
would  a  been  so  encouragin'  to  him. 

Then    there   wuz   another  picter  in  the   English 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR.  435 

section  called  "  The  Passing  of  Arthur"  that  rousted 
up  deep  emotions. 

I'd  hearn  Thomas  J.  read  so  much  about  Arthur, 
and  that  round  extension  table  of  hisen,  that  1 
seemed  to  be  well  acquainted  with  him  and  his  mates. 

I  knew  that  he  had  a  dretful  hard  time  on't,  what 
with  his  wife  a-fallin'  in  love  with  another  man 
which    is  always  hard  to  bear — and  etcetry.      And  I 
always  approved  of  his  doin's. 

He  never  tried  to  go  West  to  git  a  divorce.  No  ; 
he  merely  sez  to  her,  when  she  knelt  at  his  feet 
a-wantin'  to  make  up  with  him,  he  sez,  "  Live  so  that 
in  Heaven  thou  shalt  be  Arthur's  true  wife,  and  not 
another's." 

I'll  bet  that  shamed  Genevere,  and  made  her  feci 
real  bad. 

And  his  death-bed  always  seemed  dretful  pathetic 
to  inc. 

And  here  it  wuz  all  painted  out.  The  boat  float- 
in'  out  on  the  pale  golden  green  light,  and  Arthur 
a-layin'  there  with  the  three  queens  a-weepin'  over 
him.  A-floatin'  on  to  the  island  valley  of  Avilion, 
"  Where  falls  not  hail  nor  rain,  nor  any  snow." 

And  then  there  wuz  a  picter  by  Whistler,  called 
"The   Princess  of  the  Land  of  Porcelain." 

Vou  couldn't  really  tell  why  that  slender  little 
liggcr  in  the  long  trailin'  silken  robes,  and  the  deep 


436  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

dark  eyes,  and  vivid  red  lips  should  take  such  a  holt 
on  you. 

But  she  did,  and  that  face  peers  out  of  Memory- 
aisles  time  and  time  agin,  and  you  wake  up  a-think- 
in'  on  her  in  the  night. 

Mr.  Whistler  must  a  been  dretful  interested  him- 
self in  the  Lady  of  the  Land  of  Porcelain,  or  he 
couldn't  have  interested  other  folks  so. 

And  then  there  wuz  another  by  Mr.  Whistler, 
called  "The  Lady  of  the  Yellow  Buskin." 

A  poem  of  glowin'  color  and  life. 

And  right  there  nigh  by  wuz  one  by  Mr.  Chase, 
jest  about   as  good.     The   name  on't  wuz  "  Alice." 

I  believe  Alice  Ben  Bolt  looked  some  like  her 
when  she  wuz  of  the  same  age,  you  know — 

"  Sweet  Alice,  whose  hair  was  so  brown, 

Who  wept  with  delight  when  Mr.  Ben  Bolt  gin  her 

a  smile  ; 
And  trembled  with  fear  at  Mr.  Ben  Boltses  frown." 

She  ort  to  had  more  gumption  than  that  ;  but  I 
always  liked  her. 

Elihu  Vedder's  picters  rousted  up  deep  emotions 
in  my  soul — jest  about  the  deepest  I  have  got,  and 
the  most  mysterious  and  weird. 

Other  artists  may  paint  the  outside  of  things,  but 
he  goes  deeper,  and  paints  the  emotions  of  the  soul 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S   FAIR.  437 

that  are  so  deep  that  you  don't  hardly  know  yourself 
that  you've  got  them  of  that  variety. 

In  lookin'  through  these  picters  of  hisen  illustrat- 
in'  that  old  Persian  poem,  "  Omer  Kyham" — 

Why,  I  have  had  from  eighty  to  a  hundred  emo- 
tions right  along  for  half  a  day  at  a  time. 

Mr.  Vedder  had  here  "  A  Soul  in  Bondage," 
"The  Young  Marysus  and  Morning,"  and  "  Delila 
and  Sampson,"  and  several  others  remarkably  im- 
pressive. 

And  Mr.  Sargent's  "  Mother  and  Child"  looked 
first-rate  in  its  eool,  soft  colors.  They  put  me  in 
mind  a  good  deal  of  Tirzah  Ann  and  Babe. 

And  "  The  Delaware  Valley"  and  "A  Gray  Low- 
cry  Day,"  by  Mr.  George  Inness,  impressed  me 
wonderfully.  Many  a  day  like  it  have  I  passed 
through  in  Jonesville. 

"  Hard  Times,"  also  in  a  American  department, 
wuz  dretful  impressive.  A  man  and  a  woman  wuz 
a-standin'  in  the  hard,  dusty  road. 

His  face  looked  as  though  all  the  despair,  and 
care,  and  perplexities  of  the  hard  times  wuz  depic- 
tered  in  it. 

He  wuz  stalkin'  along  as  if  he  had  forgot  every- 
thing but  his  trouble. 

And  I  presoom  that  he'd  had  a  dretful  hard  time 
on't — dretful.      He   couldn't    git  no   work,  mebby, 


438  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

and  wuz  obleegcd  to  stand  and  sec  his  family  starve 
and  suffer  round  him. 

Yes,  he  wuz  a-walkin'  along  with  his  hands  in  his 
empty  pockets  and  his  eyes  bent  towards  the 
ground. 

But  the  woman,  though  her  face  looked  haggard, 
and  fur  wanner  than  hissen,  yet  she  wuz  a-lookin' 
hack  and  reachin'  out  her  arms  towards  the  children 
that  wuz  a-comin'  along  fur  back.  One  of  'em  wuz 
a-cryin',  I  guess.  His  ma  hadn't  nothin'  but  love  to 
give  him,  but  you  could  see  that  she  wuz  a-givin' 
him  that  liberal. 

And  Durant's  "  Spanish  Singing  Girl"  rousted  up 
a  sight  of  admiration  ;  she  wuz  very  good-lookin'- — 
looked  a  good  deal  like  my  son's  wife. 

Well,  in  the  Russian  Department  (and  jest  see 
how  my  revery  flops  about,  clear  from  America  to 
Russia  at  one  jump) — 

There  wuz  a  picter  there  of  a  boat  in  a  storm. 

And  on  that  boat  is  thrown  a  vivid  ray  of  sun- 
shine. You'd  think  that  it  wuz  the  real  thing,  and 
that  you  could  warm  your  fingers  at  it,  but  it  hain't — 
it  is  only  painted  sunshine.  But  it  beats  all  I  ever 
see  ;  I  wouldn't  hesitate  for  a  minute  to  use  it  for  a 
noon-mark. 

In  the  German  Exhibit  wuz  as  awful  a  picter  as 
I  want    to    see.      It   was   Julia,   old    Mr.    Serviuses 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  439 

girl — Miss  Tarquin  that  now  is — a-ridin'  over  her 
pa  and  killin'  him  a  purpose,  so  she  eould  git  his 
property. 

To  see  Miss  Tarquin,  that  wicked,  wicked  creeter, 
a-doin'  that  wicked  act,  is  enough  to  make  a  perfect 
race  of  old  maids  and  bacheldors. 

The  idea  of  havin'  a  lot  of  children  to  take  care 
on  and  then  be  rid  over  by  'em  ! 

But  I  shall  always  believe  that  she  wuz  put  up  to 
it  by  the  Tarquin  boys.  I  never  liked  'em — they 
wuzn't  likelv. 

But  the  picter  is  a  sight — dretful  big  and  skairful. 

And  in  that  section  is  a  beautiful  picter  by  Fritz 
Uhele,  whose  riggers,  folks  say,  are  the  best  in  the 
world. 

"  The  Angels  Appearing  to  the  Shepherds." 

Oh,  what  glowin'  faces  the  angels  had  !  You 
read  in  'em  what  the  shepherds  did  : 

"  Love,  Good  Will  to  Man." 

There  wuz  some  little  picters  there  about  six 
inches  square,  and  marked  : 

"  Little  Picters  for  a  Child's  Album." 

And  Josiah  sez  to  me,  "  T  believe  I'll  buy  one  of 
'em  for  Babe's  album  that  1  got  her  last  Christmas." 

Sez  he,  "  I've  got  ten  cents  in  change,  but  proba- 
ble," sez  he,  "it  won't  be  over  eight  cents." 

Sez  I,  "Don't  be  too  sanguine,   fosiah  Allen." 


440  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

Sez  he,  "  I  am  never  sanguinary  without  good 
horse  sense  to  back  it  up.  They  throwed  in  a 
chromo  three  feet  square  with  the  last  ealieo  dress 
you  bought  at  Jonesville,  and  this  hain't  over  five 
or  six  inches  big." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  buy  it  if  you  want  to." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  that's  what  I  lay  out  to  do,  mom." 

So  he  accosted  a  Columbus  Guard  that  stood 
nigh,  and  sez  he — 

"  I'm  a-goin'  to  buy  that  little  picter,  and  I 
want  to  know  if  I  can  take  it  home  now  in  my  vest 
pocket  ?" 

"That  picter,"  sez  he,  "is  twenty  thousand  dol- 
lars. It  is  owned  by  the  German  National  Gallery, 
and  is  loaned  by  them,"  and  sez  he,  with  a  ready 
flow  of  knowledge  inherent  to  them  Guards,  "the 
artist,  Adolph  Menzel,  is  to  German  art  what  Meis- 
sonier  is  to  the  French.  I  lis  picters  are  all  bought 
by  the  National  Gallery,  and  bring  enormous  sums." 

Josiah  almost  swooned  away.  Nothin'  but  pride 
kep  him  up- — 

I  didn't  say  nothin'  to  add  to  his  mortification. 
Only  I  simply  said— 

"  Babe  will  prize  that  picter,  Josiah  Allen." 

And  he  sez,  "  Be  a  fool  if  you  want  to  ;  I'm 
a-goin'  to  git  sunthin'  to  eat." 

And   he  hurried  me  along  at  almost  a   dog-trot, 


442 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


but  I  would  stop  to  look  at  a  "  Spring  Day  in  Ba- 
varia," and  the  "  Fish  Market  in  Amsterdam,"  and 
the  "  Nun,"  and  some  others,  I  would — they  wuz  all 
beautiful  in  the  extreme. 

Wall,  after  we  come  back  into  the  gallerv  agin, 
the  fust  picter  we  went  to  see  wuz  "  Christ  Before 
Pilate,"  by  Mr.  Muneaxey. 

There  1  [e  stood,  the  Man  of  Sorrows,  with  His  tall 
figure  full  of  patient  dignity,  and   Mis  face  full  of 

love,  and  pity,  and  an- 
guish, all  bent  into  a  in- 
describable majesty  and 
power. 

I  lis  hands  wuz  bound, 
He  stood  there  the  cen- 
tre of  that  sneering,  mur- 
WsP")  derous  crowd  of  priests 
and  pharisees.    On  every 
side  of  Him  He  would 
meet  a  look  of  hate  and  savage  exultation  in   His 
misery. 

And  He,  like  a  lamb  before  the  shearers,  wuz  dumb, 
bearing  patiently  the  sins  and  sorrows  of  a  world. 

The  fate  of  a  universe  looked  out  of  His  deep, 
sweet  eyes. 

He  could  bear  it  all — the  hate,  all  the  ignominy, 
the    cruel   death    drawin'    so  near — He  could    bear 


"  Be  a  fool  if  you  want  to." 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  443 

it  all  through  love  and  pity — the  highest  heights 
love  ever  went,  and  the  deepest  pity. 

Only  one  face  out  of  that  jeerin',  evil  crowd  had  a 
look  of  pity  on't,  and  that  wuz  the  one  woman  in 
the  throng,  and  she  held  a  child  in  her  arms. 

Mebby  Love  had  taught  her  the  secret  of  Grief. 

Anyway,  she  looked  as  if  she  pitied  Him  and 
would  have  loosed  His  bonds  if  she  could.  It  wuz 
a  dretful  impressive  picter,  one  that  touched  the 
most  sacred  feelin's  of  the  beholder. 

There  wuz  a  great  fuss  made  over  AlmaTadema's 
picter  of  "Crowning  Bachus." 

But  I  didn't  approve  on't. 

The  girls'  riggers  in  it  wuz  very  beautiful,  with  the 
wonderful  floatin'  hair  of  red  gold  crowned  with 
roses. 

But  I  wanted  to  tell  them  girls  that  after  they 
got  Mr.  Bachus  all  crowned,  he'd  turn  on  'em,  and 
jest  as  like  as  not  pull  out  hull  handfuls  of  that 
golden  hair,  and  kick  at  'em,  and  act. 

Mr.  Bachus  is  a  villain  of  the  deepest  dye.  I  felt 
jest  like  warnin'  'em. 

I  like  Miss  Tadema's  picters  enough  sight  bet- 
ter— pretty  little  girls  playin'  innocent  games,  and 
dreamin'  sweet  fancies  By  the  Fireside. 

"  The  Flaggalants,"  by  Carl  Marr,  is  a  enormous 
big  picter,  but  fearful  to  look  at. 


444  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

It  made  me  feel  real  bad  to  see  how  them  men 
wuz  a-hurtin'  their  own  selves.      They  hadn't  ort  to. 

Another  pieter  by  the  same  artist,  called  "A 
Summer  Afternoon,"  I  liked  as  well  agin  ;  the  soul 
of  the  pleasant  summer-time  looked  out  of  that 
pieter,  and  the  faces  of  the  wimmen  and  children 
in  it. 

The  little  one  clingin'  to  its  mother's  hand  and 
feedin'  the  chickens  looked  cute  enough  to  kiss. 
She  favored  Babe  a  good  deal  in  her  looks. 

"The  Cemetery  in  Delmatia"  and  the  "  Market 
Scene  in  Cairo,"  by  Leopold  Midler,  struck  hard 
blows  onto  my  fancy.  And  so  did  three  by 
Madame  Weisenger — 

"  Mornin'  by  the  Sea-shore,"  "  Breakfast  in  the 
Country,"  and  "The  Laundress  of  the  Mountain." 

"  Christ  and  the  Children,"  by  Julius  Schmid,  wuz 
beautiful   as  could  be. 

And  so  wuz  "idle  Death  of  Autumn,"  by  Franz 
Pensinger — they  held  in  'em  all  the  sadly  glorious 
beauty  of  the  closing  year. 

"The  Three  Beggars  of  Cordova,"  by  Edwin 
Weeks,  wuz  dretful  interest  in'. 

Them  tramps  set  there  lookin'  so  sassy,  and  lazy, 
nateral  as  life.  Lots  of  jest  such  ones  have  impoi- 
tuned  me  for  food  on  my  Jonesville  door-step. 

Then   he   had   two   Hindoo   fakirs  that  wuz  real 


446  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

interestin'.  The  fur-off  Indian  city,  the  river,  and 
the  fakir  a-layin'  in  the  boat,  tired  out,  I  presoom, 
a-makin'  folks  stand  up  in  the  air,  and  climb  up  lad- 
ders into  Nowhere,  and  eatin'  swords,  and  eatin' 
fire,  and  etcetry. 

lie  wux  beat  out,  and  no  wonder.  The  colorin' 
of  tliis  picter  is  superb. 

And  so  wuz  his  "  Persian  I  torse  Dealers"  and 
others. 

Mr.  Melcher's  "Sermon"  and  "Communion" 
wuz  very  impressive,  as  nateral  as  the  meetin'- 
housen  and  congregation  at  Jonesville  and  Zoar. 

In  the  Holland  Exhibit  wuz  all  kinds  of  clouds 
painted — 

Clouds  a-layin'  low  in  sombre  piles,  and  clouds 
with  the  sun  almost  a-shinin'  through  'em.  Won- 
derful effects  as  I  ever  see. 

And  I  wuz  a-lookin'  at  a  picter  there  so 
glowin'  and  beautiful  that  it  seemed  to  hold  in  it 
the  very  secret  of  summer.  The  heart  fire  and 
glow  of  summer  shone  through  its  fine  atmosphere. 
And  sez  I,  "  Josiah,  did  you  ever  see  anything  like 
it?" 

"  Oh,  yes,"  sez  he  ;  "it's  quite  fair." 

"  Fair  !"  sez  I  ;  "  can't  you  say  sunthin'  more  than 
that  ?" 

"  Wall,  from  fair  to  middlin',  then,"  sez  he. 


SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  447 

"But  for  real  beauty,"  sez  he,  "give  me  them 
picters  made  in  corn,  and  oats,  and  beans.  Give 
me  that  Dakota  eon"  made  out  of  grain,  with  a  tail 
of  timothy  grass,  and  straw  legs,  and  coin  car 
horns.      There  is  real  beauty,"  sex  he. 

"Or  that  picter  in  the  State  Buildin'  of  the  hull 
farm  made  in  seeds.  'Idle  old  bean  farm-house,  and 
bailey  well-sweep,  and  the  fields  bounded  with  corn 
twig  fences,  and  horses  made  of  silk-weed,  and 
manes  and  tales  of  corn-silk — there  is  beauty,"  sez 
he. 

"  And  as  for  statutes,  I'd  ruther  see  one  of  them 
Aggers  that  Miss  Brooks  of  Nebraska  makes  out  of 
butter  than  a  hull  carload  of  marble  riggers." 

T  sithed  a  deep,  curious  sithe,  and  he  went  on  : 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "it  stands  to  reason  they're  more 
valuable  ;  what  good  would  the  stun  be  to  you  if  a 
marble  statute  got:  smashed?  A  dead  loss  on  your 
hands. 

"But  let  one  of  her  Iolanthes  git  knocked  over 
and  broke  to  pieces,  why  there  you  are,  good,  solid 
butter,  worth  30  cents  of  any  mail's  money. 

"  Give  me  statuary  that  is  ornamental  in  pros- 
perity, anil  that  you  can  eat  up  if  reverses  come  to 
you,"  sez  he. 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "there  is  one  hundred  kinds  of 
grain  in  that  one  model  farm  of  Illinois. 


44« 


A  .MANTUA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR 


Mm 

msSm 


"  Now,  if  that  picter  should  git  torn  to  pieces  by 
a  cyclone,  what  would  a  ile  paintin'  be  ?  A  dead 
loss. 

"  But  that  grain  farm-house,  what  food  for  hens 

that  would  make — such  a  variety.      Why,  the  hens 

would    jest  pour  out    eggs   fed  on 

\.il       is,  .1 

the  ruins  of  that  farm. 

"  Give  me  beauty  and  economy 
hitched  together  in  one  team." 

I  sithed,  and  the  sithe  wuz  deep, 
almost  like  a  groan,  and  scz  I — 

"  You  tire  me,  Josiah  Allen — you 
tire  me  almost  to  death." 

"Wall,"  scz  he,  "  I'm  talkin'  good 
What  food  for  hens  that     horse  sense." 

WOULD    MAKK." 

Sez  I,  "  I  should  think  it  wuz 
animal  sense  of  some  kind — nothin'  spiritual  about 
it  and  riz  up." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "you'll  see  five  hundred  folks 
a-standin'  round  and  praisin'  up  them  seed  picters 
where  there  is  one  that  gits  carried  away  as  you  do 
over  Wattses  'Love  and  Death  '  and  Elihu  Ved- 
der's  dum  picters." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  in  a  tired-out  axent,  "that  don't 
prove  anything,  Josiah  Allen.  The  multitude 
chose  Barrabus  to  the  Divine  One. 

"  Not,"  sez   1   reasonably,  "  that   I  would  want  to 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  449 

compare  the  seed  picters  and  the  butter  females  to 
a  robber. 

"They're  extremely  curious  and  interestin'  to 
look  at,  and  wonderful  in  their  way  as  anything"  in 
the  hull   Exposition. 

"  But,"  sez  T,  "there  is  a  height  and  a  depth  in 
the  soul  that  them  butter  figgers  can't  touch — no, 
nor  the  pop-corn  trees  can't  reach  that  height  with 
their  sorghum  branches.  It  lays  fur  beyond  the 
switchin'  timothy  tail  of  that  seed  horse  or  the 
wavin'  raisen  mane  of  that  prune  charger.  It  is  a 
realm,"  sez  I,  "  that  I  fear  you  will  never  stand  in, 
Josiah  Allen." 

"No,  indeed,"  sez  he;  "and  I  don't  want  to.  I 
hain't  no  desires  that  way." 

Again  I  sithed,  and  we  walked  off  into  another 
gallery. 

Wall,  I  might  write  and  keep a-writin'  from  Fourth 
of  July  to  Christmas  Eve,  and  then  git  up  Christ- 
mas morn  in'  and  say  truly  that  the  half  hadn't  been 
told  of  what  we  see  there,  and  so  what  is  the  use  of 
tryin'  to  relate  it  in  this  epistle. 

But  suffice  it  to  sav  that  we  staved  there  all  day 
long,  and  that  night  we  meandered  home  perfectly 
wore  out,  and  perfectly  riz  up  in  our  two  minds,  or 
at  least  I  wuz.  Josiah's  feelin's  seemed  to  be  clear 
fag,  jest  plain  wore  out  fag. 


45©  SAMANTIIA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

The  nights  arc  always  cool  in  Chicago — that  is, 
if  the  weather  is  anyways  comfortable  durin'  the 
day. 

And  this  night  it  wuz  so  cool  that  a  good  wool- 
len blanket  and  bedspread  wuz  none  too  much  for 
comfort. 

And  it  wuz  with  a  sithe  of  contentment  that  I 
lay  down  on  my  peaceful  goose-feather  pillow,  and 
drawed  the  blankets  up  over  my  weary  frame  and 
sunk  to  sleep. 

I  had  been  to  sleep  I  know  not  how  long  when  a 
angry,  excited  voice  wakened  me.  It  said,  "  Lay 
down,  can't  you  !" 

I  hearn  it  as  one  in  a  dream.  I  couldn't  sense 
where  I  wuz  nor  who  wuz  talkin',  when  agin  I 
hearn — 

"  Dum  it  all  !  why  can't  you  fall  as  you  ort  to  ?" 

A\  uz  some  struggle  a-goin'  on  in  my  room  ?  The 
bed  wuz  in  an  alcove,  and  I  could  not  see  the  place 
from  where  the  voice  proceeded. 

I  reached  my  hand  out.  My  worst  apprehensions 
wuz  realized.      Josiah  wuz  not  there. 

Wuz  some  one  a-killin'  him,  and  a-orderin'  him 
to  lay  still  and  fall  as  he  ort  to  ? 

Wuz  such  boldness  in  crime  possible  ? 

I  raised  my  head  and  looked  out  into  the  room, 
and  then  with  a  wild   shriek  I  covered  up  my  head. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  45 1 

Then  1  discovered  that  there  wuz  only  one  thin 
sheet  over  me. 

The  sight  I  had  seen  had  driv'  the  blood  in  my 
veins  all  back   to  my  heart, 

A  tall  white  filler  wuz  a-standin'  before  the  sjdass, 
draped  from  head  to  foot  in  heavy  white  drapery. 

I'd  often  turned  it  over  in  my  mind  in  hours  of 
ease  which  I'd  rather  have  appear  to  me  in  the 
night — a  burglar  or  a  ghost. 

And  now  in  the  tumultous  beatin's  of  my 
heart  I  owned  up  that  I  would  ruther  a  hundred 
times  it  would  be  a  burglar. 

Anything  seemed  to  me  better  than  to  be  alone 
at  night  with  a  ghost. 

But  anon,  as  I  quaked  and  trembled  under  that 
sheet,  the  voice  spoke  agin — 

"  Samantha,  are  you  awake  ?"  And  I  sprung  up 
in  bed  agin,  and  sez  I — 

"Josiah  Allen,  where  are  you?  Oh,  save  me, 
Josiah  !  save  me  !" 

The  white  figger  turned.  "  Save  you  from  what, 
Samantha  ?  Is  there  a  mouse  under  the  bed,  or  is 
it  a  spider,  or  what  ?" 

"  Who  be  you  ?"  sez  I,  almost  incoherently.  "  Be 
you  a  ghost  ?  Oh,  Josiah,  Josiah  !"  And  I  sunk 
back  onto  the  pillow  and  busted  into  tears.  The 
relief  wuz  too  great. 


452  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

But  anon  Wonder  seized  the  place  that  Fear  had 
held  in  my  frame,  and  dried  up  the  tear-drops,  and 
I  sprung  up  agin  and  sez — 

"What  be  you  a-doin',  Josiah  Allen,  rigged  up 
as  you  be  in  the  middle  of  the  night,  with  the  lights 
all  a-burnin'  ?" 

For  every  gas  jet  in  the  room  was  a-blazin'  high. 

Sez  he,  "  I  am  posin'  for  a  statute,  Samantha." 

And  come  to  look  closter,  I  see  he  had  took  off 
the  blanket  and  bedspread  and  had  swathed  'em 
round  his  form  some  like  a  toga. 

And  J  see  it  wuz  them  that  he  wnz  apostrofizin' 
and  orderin'  to  lay  down  in  folds  and  fall  graceful. 

And  somehow  the  idee  of  his  takin'  the  bed- 
clothes off  en  me  seemed  to  mad  me  about  as  much 
as  his  foolishness  and  vanity  did. 

And  sez  1,  "  Do  you  take  off  them  bedclothes 
offen  you,  and  put  'em  back  agin,  and  come  to  bed  !" 

But  he  didn't  heed  me,  he  went  on  with  his  vain 
doin's  and  aetin'. 

"  I  am  impersonatin'  Apollo  !"  sez  he,  a-layin'  his 
head  onto  one  side  and  a-lookin'  at  me  over  his 
shoulder  in  a  kind  of  a  languishin'  way. 

Sez  he,  a-liftin'  his  heel,  and  holdin'  it  up  a  little 
ways,  "  I  did  think  I  would  be  Mercury,  but  I  hadn't 
any  wing  handy  for  my  off  heel.  I  would  be 
strikin'  as  Mercury,"  sez  he,  "but   I   think  I  would 


454  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S    FAIR. 

be  at  my  best  as  Apollo.  What  do  you  think  I  had 
better  be,  Samantha  ?" 

"  A  loonatick  would  strike  me  as  the  right  thino- 
Josiah  Allen,  or  an  idiot  from  birth. 

"  Or,"  sez  I,  speakin'  more  ironicler  as  my  fear 
died  away,  leavin'  in  its  void  a  great  madness  and 
tiredness,  "if  you'd  brung  your  scythe  along  you 
might  personate  Old  Father  Time." 

I  guess  this  kinder  madded  him,  and  sez  he, 
"  Don't  you  want  to  pose,  Samantha  ? 

"Don't  you  want  to  be  the  Witch  of  Endor?" 
sez  he. 

"Yes,"  sez  I,  "I'd  love  to!  If  I  wus  her  you'd 
see  sights  in  this  room  that  would  bow  your  old 
bald  head  in  borrow,  and  drive  you,  vain  old  ereeter 
that  you  be,  back  where  you  belong." 

He  wuz  afraid  he'd  gone  too  fur,  and  sez  he, 
"  Mebby  you'd  ruther  be  Venus,  Samantha  ?  Mebby 
you'd  ruther  appear  in  the  nude  ?" 

Sez  I,  coldly,  "  I  should  think  that  you'd  done 
your  best  to  make  me  appear  in  that  way,  Josiah 
Allen.  There's  only  one  thin  sheet  to  keep  me 
from  it. 

"  But,"  sez  I,  spruntin'  up,  "  if  you  talk  in  that 
way  any  more  to  me  I'll  holler  to  Miss  Plank  ! 

"  Pardner  or  no  pardner,  I  hain't  a-goin'  to  be  im- 
posed upon  this  time  of  night  !" 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  455 

Sez  I,  "  I  should  be  ashamed  if  I  wuz  in  your 
place,  the  father  and  grandfather  of  a  family,  and 
the  deacon  in  a  meetin'-house,  to  be  up  at  midnight 
a-posin'  for  statutes  and  actin'." 

"  But,"  sez  he,  "  I  didn't  know  but  they  would 
want  to  sculp  me  while  I  wuz  here  in  Chicago,  and 
I  thought  I'd  git  a  attitude  all  ready.  You  never 
know  what  may  happen,  and  it's  always  well  to  be 
prepared,  and  attitudes  are  dretful  hard  to  catch 
onto  at  a  minute's  notice." 

Sez  I,  "Do  you  come  back  to  bed,  Josiah  Allen. 
'W  nat  would  they  want  of  you  for  a  statute?" 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  reluctantly  relinquishin'  his  toga, 
or,  in  other  words;,  the  flannel  blanket  and  bed- 
spread— 

"  I  see  many  a  statute  to-day  with  not  half  my 
good  looks,  and  if  Chicago  wanted  me  to  ornament 
it,  I  wanted  to  be  prepared." 

I  sithed  aloud,  and  sez  T — 

"  Here  I  be  waked  up  for  good,  as  tired  as  1  wuz, 
all  for  your  vanity  and  actin'." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "Samantha,  my  mind  wuz  all  so 
stirred  up  and  excited  by  seein'  so  mam'  ile  paintin's 
and  statutes  to-day,  that  I  felt  dretful."  And  as  he 
sez  this  mv  madness  all  died  away,  as  the  way  of 
pardners  is,  and  a  great  pity  stole  into  my  heart. 

I  do  spoze  he  wuz    half  delirous  with  seein'  too 


456  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

much.  Like  a  man  who  has  oversot  himself  and 
come  down  on  the  floor. 

That  man  had  been  led  round  too  much  that  day, 
for  my  own  pleasure  ;  to  gratify  my  own  esthetik 
taste  I  had  almost  ruined  the  pardner  of  my  youth 
and  middle  age. 

His  mind  had  been  stretched  too  fur,  for  the  size 
on't,  so  I  sez  soothin'ly — 

"  Wall,  wall,  Josiah,  come  back  to  bed  and  go  to 
sleep,  and  to-morrow  we'll  go  and  see  some  live 
stock  and  some  plows  and  things." 

So  at  last  I  got  him  quieted  down,  though  he  did 
murmur  once  or  twice  in  his  sleep — Apollo  !  Her- 
cules!  etc.,  so  I  see  what  his  inward  state  wuz. 

But  towards  mornin'  he  seemed  to  git  into  a  good 
sound  sleep,  and  I  did  too,  and  we  waked  up  feelin' 
quite  considerable  rested  and  refreshed. 

And  it  wuzn't  till  I  had  a  sick-headache  bad,  and 
he  wuz  more  than  good  to  me,  and  I  see  that  he 
repented  deep  of  it,  that  I  forgive  him  fully. 

But  of  course  it  broke  up  ourgoin'  to  fashionable 
places  agin  to  eat — he  come  out  conqueror,  after 
all — men  are  deep. 


CHAPTER  XVI. 

Wall,  this  mornin' — it  bein'  kind  of  a  muggy 
and  cloudy  one,  I  proposed  that  we  should  go  and 
visit  the  Fishery  Department. 

And  I  d'no  why  I  should  a  thought  on  it  this 
mornin'  more'n  another  one — only  it  wuz  jest 
such  a  day  as  Josiah  and  Thomas  Jefferson  always 
took  for  goin'  a-fishin'  in  the  creek  back  of  Jones- 
ville. 

And  then  we  had  fish  for  breakfast  too — siscoes — 
mebby  that  put  me  in  mind  on  it  some. 

But  anyway,  I  wuz  always  interested  in  the  sub- 
ject of  fishin',  and  the  hull  world  is.  For  what 
wuz  the  Postles  ?  Fishers.  For  what  did  the  Great 
Master  name  His  beloved  ?     Fishers  of  men. 

Why,  the  Bible  is  full  of  fishin'  and  fisherman, 
clear  back  to  Jonah  ;  and  how  took  up  he  wuz  with 
a  fish,  and  how  full  the  fish  wuz  of  him  ! 

Fishin'  wuz  the  first  industry  in  the  New  World. 

When  our  Forefathers  landed  on  Plymouth  Rock 
they  found  the  harbor  shaped  some  like  a  fish-hook, 
and  then  consequently  they  went  to  fishin'. 


45 S  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Who  got  Washington  and  his  army  over  the 
Delaware  River  that  bitter  cold  night  in  1777, 
when  the  fate  of  our  country  wuz  a-hangin'  over 
that  sea  of  broken  ice — ruin  on  this  side,  and  possible 
success  on  the  other,  but  the  impassable  gulf  of 
bitter  cold  water  and  the  crashing  masses  of  ice 
between — who  got  'em  acrost  ?     Fisherman. 

Our  country  has  always  been  noted  in  its  inter- 
est in  fishin'.  Why,  at  the  Tnternatial  Exhibition  at 
Berlin  in  1880,  America  won  the  first  prize  given 
by  the  Emperor  for  its  display. 

And  1  knew  when  it  done  so  well  on  a  foreign 
shore,  it  vvuzn't  goin'  to  make  any  failure  of  it- 
self here  under  its  own  line,  and  lish  tree,  so  to 
speak. 

Wall,  as  T  said,  Josiah  expressed  a  willingness  to 
go,  and  consequently  and  subsequently  we  went. 

Wall,  we  found  it  wuz  a  group  of  buildin's  on  a 
beautiful  island — in  the  northern  part  of  the  lagoon, 
joinin'  the  improved  part  of  Jackson  Park. 

There  wuz  three  on  em'  in  number.  The  middle 
one  wuz  a  long  buildin'  with  a  high  dome,  and  some 
towers  in  the  centre  on't,  and  the  arches  and  the 
pillows  wuz  all  ornamented  off  with  figgers  of  fishes, 
and  crabs,  and  lobsters,  and  all  sorts  of  water  growth. 
It  looked  uneek,  and  first-rate,  too. 

And  when   T   say   it   wuz  a  long  buildin',  T  don't 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  459 

want  it  understood  that  I  mean  length  as  we  call  it  in 
Jonesville,  but  Chicago  length — or  ruther  Chicago 
Jackson  Park  length,  which  is  fur  longer  than  jest 
plain  Chicago  largeness. 

In  the  centre  of  the  big  buildin'  is  a  fish-pond  all 
ornamented  with  rock  work,  and  all  sorts  of  aquatic 
plants. 

And  then  all  joined  on  to  the  main  buildin',  at 
each  end  and  connected  with  it  by  carved  arches, 
handsome  as  arches  wuz  ever  made  in  the  world, 
and  trimmed  off  in  the  uneek  way  I've  mentioned 
prior  to  and  beforehand,  wuz  two  other  buildin's, 
each  one  on  'em  135  feet  long. 

The  buildin'  to  the  east  is  the  aquarum,  or  live 
fish  exhibit,  and  that  to  the  west  is  to  show  off  the 
anglin'  exhibit.  They  wuz  round  and  kinder 
double-breasted  lookin'  on  both  sides. 

The  shape  on  'em  is  called  pollygon — probable 
named  after  the  man's  wife  that  built  it.  It  had  a 
good  many  sides  to  it — mebby  Polly  had  to  her.  I 
know  wimmen  are  falsely  called  seven-sided  lots  of 
times. 

Wall,  in  the  middle  of  the  buildin'  designed  for 
the  aquarum  is  a  big  pool  of  water  26  feet  in  di- 
ameter; in  the  middle  of  the  pool  is  a  risin'  up 
some  rocks  covered  with  moss  and  ferns,  from  which 
cool  streams  of  water  arc   a-drippin'    and   a-drizzlin' 


460  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

down  onto  the  reeds  and  rushes,  where  the  most 
gorgeous-colored  fishes  you  ever  see  are  playin' 
round  in  the  water,  as  cool  and  happy  in  the  mid- 
dle of  a  meltin'  summer-day — not  needin'  no  fans  or 
parasols,  jest  a-divin'  and  a-splashin'  down  in  the 
wet  water,  and  enjoyin'  themselves.  I  bet  lots  of 
swelterin'  folks  jest  envied  'em. 

Surroundin'  this  rotunda,  under  a  glass  ruff,  runs 
two  lines  of  aquarums,  separated  by  a  wide  gallery 
— more'n  fifty  of  'em  in  all. 

In  the  fresh  water  wuz  all  kinds  of  fishes  from  all 
parts  of  the  country,  and  the  world.  Salmons, 
muskalunges,  the  great  Mississippi  cat-fish,  alligators, 
trout,  white-fish,  sun-fishes,  etc.,  and  etcetry. 

In  the  salt  water  wuz  sharks,  torpedoes,  dog-fish- 
es, goose-fishes,  sheeps  heads,  blue-fishes,  weak-fish, 
and  strong  ones,  too,  I  should  think— why,  more'n 
I  could  name  if  I  should  talk  all  day. 

Why,  I  shouldn't  a  been  surprised  a  mite  if  I  had 
seen  a-floatin'  up  to  me  that  old  Leviathan  of  job's 
that  "  couldn't  be  pulled  out  with  a  hook,  or  his 
nose  with  a  cord  that  wuz  let  down." 

Why,  I  wouldn't  a  been  surprised  at  nothin' — I  felt 
a  good  deal  of  the  time  jest  like  that  in  all  of  the 
buildin's,  and  I  said  so  to  my  Josiah  when  he'd  try 
to  surprise  me  by  lookin'  at  some  strange  thing.  "  No, 
Josiah,"  I  would  say.  "I  caiVt  be  surprised  no  more, 


In  the  salt  water  wuz  sharks,  torpedoes,  dog-fishes,  goose- 
fishes,    WEAK-FISH,    AND    STRONG    ONES,    TOO,    I    SHOULD   THINK. 


462  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

the  time  for  that  has  gone  by — gone  by,  a  long 
time  ago." 

And  then  there  wuz  gobys,  sticklebacks,  sea- 
horses, devil-fishes,  and  I  believe  there  wuz  a  jell 
fish,  though  I  didn't  see  it. 

Though  so  fur  as  jell  goes,  as  I  told  Josiah,  I 
would  ruther  make  my  own  jell  out  of  my  own 
berries  and  crab-apples,  and  then  I  know  how  it's 
made. 

But,  howsumever,  there  wuz  all  the  fishes  that 
ever  swum  in  America,  Mexico,  South  America, 
Europe,  and  Asia,  and  I  d'no  but  what  there  wuz 
a  few  from  Africa.  And  to  see  on  the  bottom  of 
them  aquarums  shells  a-walkin'  round,  with  the  own- 
ers of  them  shells  inside  of  'em,  wuz  a  sight  to  see. 

Why,  any  one  here  would  have  60  or  70  emotions 
a  minute  right  along — a-seein'  these,  and  a-meditat- 
in'  on  the  wonders  of  the  deep. 

And  thru  there  wuz  the  rainbow  fish,  which  is 
found  both  on  the  Pacific  and  Atlantic  coasts — it 
has  all  thr  colors  the  rainbow  ever  had,  and  more 
too. 

And  then  to  see  our  own  magnificent  water-lilies 
a-tioatin'  on  top  of  the  water,  and  then  to  see  'em 
down  under  the  water,  with  fishes  a-floatin'  all 
amongst  'em — oh,  what  a  sight  !  what  a  sight  it  wuz  ! 

Outside  of  the  buildin',  when  at    last   we  did  tear 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  463 

ourselves  away  from  that  seen  of  enchantment,  and 
went  outside,  I  upheld  by  my  motive  to  see  every- 
thing I  could,  and  Josiah  by  the  idee  that  we  would 
step  into  a  restaurant  that  wuzn't  fur  away. 

When  outside  we  see  a  lot  of  ponds  all  illustra- 
tin'  the  best  way  of  pond  culture,  and  all  sorts  of 
aquatic  plants. 

Wall,  at  Josiah's  request,  we  went  to  the  nighest 
place  and  had  a  cup   of  tea  and  a  good  little  lunch. 

And  then  we  went  back  to  see  the  fish-hooks  and 
things  that  is  in  the  west  buildin'  of  the  group. 

Josiah  said  mebby  he  could  git  his  eye  on  some 
new  kind  of  a  fish-hook.  He  said  he'd  love  to  go 
beyend  Deacon  Henzy  and  Sime  Yerden  if  he 
could-    -they  boasted  so  over  their  tackle. 

And  truly  I  should  have  thought  he  might  have 
gone  ahead  of  anything,  or  anvbodv,  if  he  could 
have  carried  'em  home.  There  wuz  evervthing  that 
could  be  thought  on,  or  that  ever  wuz  seen  in  the 
form  of  fishin'  apparatus  — everv  kind  of  hook,  and 
spear,  and  rod,  and  queer-lookin'  baskets  and  pots, 
and  tackle  to  catch  eels  and  lobsters,  and  then  there 
w  Liz  models  of  tishin'  boats  and  vessels,  and  every- 
thing else  under  the  sun  that  any  fisherman  ever  sot 
eyes  on,  from  Josiah  back  to  the  Postles,  and  from 
the  Postles  down  to  any  tishin'  club  in  1893. 

Whv.    if    vou'll    believe    it  —  and    I    d  no    as     I 


464  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

would  blame  you  if  you  wouldn't,  it  bein'  a  fish 
story,  as  it  were — but  we  did  see  some  fish-hooks 
from  Pompeii  that  had  been  buried  2000  years,  and 
come  out  fish-hooks  after  all — a  good  deal  like  them 
Josiah  uses  in  Jonesville  creek. 

And  speakin'  of  old  things,  we  see  some  fishes 
that  day — the  oldest  in  the  world  ;  they  come  from 
Colorado — dug  out  of  the  rocks  of  ages  ago  ;  they 
wuz  covered  with  bone  instead  of  scales,  which 
showed  that  they  had  had  a  pretty  hard  time  on't. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  big  collection  of  nets 
made  by  the  Indians  from  seal  sinew,  seal-skin 
braided,  roots  of  willow  tree,  and  whalebone. 

Of  these  last  it  took  four  men  three  weeks  to 
make  one,  and  two  of  these  wuz  gin  in  exchange  for 
a  jug  of  molasses  to  make  rum  with. 

A  shame  and  a  disgrace  !  No  savage  would  have 
cheated  so — no,  it  takes  a  white  man  to  do  that. 

And  we  see  artificial  flies  so  nateral  that  a  spider 
would  go  to  weavin'  a  net  to  catch  it. 

And  artificial  grasshoppers,  and  crickets,  and 
frogs,  and  little  artificial  minney  fish  made  of  metal, 
glass,  pearl,  and  rubber.  Why,  if  I  had  seen  one  of 
'em  in  the  brook  that  runs  through  our  paster,  I 
should  have  been  tempted  to  have  bent  a  pin,  and 
take  some  weltin'  cord  out  of  my  pocket  and  go  to 
fishin'  for  it. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    V  OKLD  S    FAIR. 


465 


And  if  they  fooled  me,  who  am  often  called  very 
wise,  what  would  you  think  of  their  foolin'  a  fish, 
who  hain't  got  any  bump  of  wisdom  on  their  heads  ? 

And  then  there 
wuz  trollin'  spoons 
of  all  kinds  and 
shapes,  in  all  kinds 
of  metal,  and  trol- 
lin' squids  —  I'd 
never  hearn  of  that 
n  a  m  e  before — ■ 
squid  !  but  t  h  e  y 
h  a  d  'em  of  all 
kinds  ;  and  tackle 
boxes,   and    floats, 

and  landin'  nets,  and  gaff  hooks  ;  there  is  sunthin' 
else  I  never  hearn  on — gaff  hooks  !  and  snells,  and 
gimps,  and  spinners. 

Why,  I'd  never  hearn  on  'em,  and  Josiah  hadn't 
either,  though  he  acted  dretful  knowin',  and  put  on 
a  face  of  extreme  enjoyment  and  appreciation.  And 
he  sez,  "  How  a  man  duz  enjoy  seem'  such  things 
that  he's  ust  to  and  knows  all  about  !" 

And  I  sez,  "What  do  you  do  with  squids,  any- 
wav,  or  gaffs,  or  snells  ?" 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "I  should  snell  with  'em,  and 
gaff,  and  squid.      What  do  you  spozc  ?" 


466  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

"  How  do  you  do  it  ?"  sez  I.  "  How  do  you 
snell  ?" 

And  then  he  had  to  own  up  that  he  didn't  know 
how  it  wuz  done. 

Truly  it  has  been  said  that  three  questions  will 
Moor  the  biggest  philosopher.  But  it  only  took  two 
to  take  the  pride  and  vainglory  out  of  Josiah  Allen. 

Wall,  the  information  gathered  together  here 
from  all  parts  of  the  world,  and  disseminated  out 
to  individuals  of  the  collected  world,  will  probable 
make  a  great  difference  in  the  enjoyment  and  prac- 
tical benefit  of  the  fisherman,  and  tell  hard  on  the 
fishes  of  1894. 

Wall,  we  stayed  round  here  a-lookin'  at  'em  dif- 
ferent buildin's  till  dark,  and  then  we  didn't  see  a 
thousandth  nor  a  millionth  part  of  what  wuz  to  be 
seen  there. 

And  I  hain't  half  described  its  wonders  and  glories 
as  I'd  ort  to,  and  one  reason  is,  nobody  can  describe 
any  of  the  buildin's — no,  not  if  they  had  the  tongue 
of  men  and  angels. 

No,  they  are  too  stupendous  to  describe. 

And  then,  agin,  I  have  had  a  kind  of  a  feelin'  of 
delicacy  that  has  kind  of  held  me  back — I  have 
been  hampered. 

For  I  have  kep  such  a  tight  grip  holt  of  my 
principle  all  the  while  I've  been  describin'  it,  that  it 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR.  467 

has  weakened  the  grasp  of  my  good  right  hand  on 
my  steel  pen. 

I  knew  well  how  hard,  how  almost  impossible  it 
wuz  to  talk  about  fishin'  for  any  length  of  time 
without  lyin'. 

But  I  know  I  have  told  Josiah  time  and  agin 
that  it  wuz  possible  to  do  it,  if  you  kep  a  firm  holt 
of  the  helium,  and  leaned  heavy  on  principle. 

I  have  done  it,  and  I  am  proud  and  happy  in  the 
thought. 

Unless,  mebby,  I  have  lied  the  other  way.  Good 
land  !  I  didn't  think  of  that ;  I  wuz  so  determined  to 
keep  within  bounds,  that  I  am  actually  afraid  that 
I've  lied  that  way  ;  in  order  not  to  tell  the  fish  story 
too  big,  I  hain't  told  it  big  enough. 

Good  land  !   I  guess  I  won't  boast  any  more. 

Wall,  seein'  that  I  ammsunthin'  of  a  hurry,  I  will 
let  it  go,  and  mebby  if  I  should  go  over  it.  agin  I 
should  lie  the  other  way. 

Good  land  !  good  land  !  what  a  world  this  is, 
and  with  all  your  eare  and  watchfulness,  how  hard 
it  is  to  keep  walkin'  right  along,  in  Injun  file,  along 
the  narrer  rope  walk  of  megumness  and  exact  truth. 

But  I  am  a-eppisodin',  and  to  resoom. 

Wall,  as  I  said,  we  didn't  git  home  till  pitch  dark, 
and  then  I  drempt  of  fish  all  night,  and  eels,  and 
alligators,  and  such.     It  wuz  tegus. 


468  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

The  next  mornin'  Josiah  Allen  met  me  all  riz  up 
with  a  new  idee. 

He  had  been  out  to  buy  a  new  pair  of  suspenders, 
his  havin'  gin  out  the  day  before  ;  and  he  come  to 
our  room,  where  I  wuz  calmly  settin'  a-bastin'  in 
some  clean  cotton  lace  into  the  sleeves  of  my  alpaca 
dress. 

And  sez  he  right  out  abrup,  with  no  preamble, 
"  Samantha,  less  go  down  to  the  Fair  Ground  in  a 
whale." 

"  In  a  whale?"  sez  I  ;  "  are  you  aloonatick,  or  what 
duz  ail  you,  to  try  to  make  a  pair  of  Jonahses  of  us 
at  our  age  ?" 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  they  have  'em  here  to  carry  folks 
down  to  the  Fair,  I  know,  for  I  hearn  it  straight, 
and  I  should  think  we  wuz  jest  the  right  age  to  go 
as  easy  as  possible,  and  try  experiments." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I  firmly,  "  I  hain't  a-goin'  to  try  no 
such  experiment  as  that.  If  the  Lord  called  me  to 
tackle  a  whale,  I  would  tackle  it,  but  I  hain't  had  no 

callin',  and  I  hain't  goin'  to 
try  to  ride  out  in  no  whale." 
"  I'm     a-callin'     you," 
sez  he. 

"Wall,"    sez    I    dryly, 


:0m 


I    DREMPT    OF    FISH    ALL   NIGHT 


SlSt      j    '^ou  ham,t  the  Deit> 

n  -~v  '^/^  / \y^        nn    h"idpprl     fur  from   it 


no,  indeed,  fur  from  it." 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  46c 


"Wall,"  sez  he,  "I'd  love  to  go,  Samantha.  What  a 
glorious  piece  of  news  to  cany  back  to  Jonesville, 
that  we  rid  out  in  a  whale.  In  the  old  Jonesville 
meetin'-house  now,  when  Elder  Minkley  is  a-preach- 
in'  on  Jonah — and  you  know  he  trots  him  out  a 
dozen  times  a  year  as  a  warnin' — how  you  and  I 
could  lift  up  our  heads  and  tost  'em,  and  how  the 
necks  of  the  Jonesvillians  would  be  craned  round  to 
look  at  us — we  two,  who  had  rid  out  in  a  whale — 
we  had  been  right  there,  and  knew  how  it  wuz." 

"I  don't  want  to  show  off,*'  sez  I,  "and  I  don't 
want  any  necks  craned  or  tosted  on  account  of  my 
gettin'  into  a  whale  and  ridin'  it  ;"  and  then  I  sez, 
"  Good  land  !  what  won't  Chicago  do  next  ?" 

And  I  added,  "  It  don't  surprise  me  a  mite  ;  it 
hain't  no  more  of  a  wonder  than  lots  of  things  I 
have  seen  here.  I  might  a  known  if  Chicago  had 
sot  its  mind  on  havin'  a  whale  to  transport  folks  to 
the  World's  Fair  she'd  a  done  it,  but  I  won't 
tackle  the  job." 

"There  it  is,"  sez  he  gloomily,  "  I  never  make  ar- 
rangements to  distinguish  myself  and  make  a  name, 
but  you  must  break  it  up.  I  had  lotted  on  this, 
Samantha,"  sez  he. 

He  looked  sad  and  deprested,  and  though  I  was 
bound  not  to  give  in  and  go,  vet  I  made  some  in- 
quiries. 


4/0  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

"  How  many  does  the  whale  cany  ?  What  makes 
you  think  we  could  both  git  into  it  ?" 

Sez  Josiah,  "It  carries  5000  at  a  time." 

I  felt  weak  as  a  cat,  jest  as  I  had  felt  time  and 
agin  sence  I  had  come  to  Chicago. 

"Wall,"  sez  I  in  weak  axents,  and  dumbfound- 
ered,  "  any  whale  story  I  could  hear  about  Chicago 
wouldn't  surprise  me  a  mite." 

And  I  wiped  my  brow  on  my  white  linen  hand- 
kerchief, for  though  the  idee  didn't  surprise  me 
none,  it  started  the  sweat. 

Sez  Josiah,  "  It  is  225  feet  long,  and  has  a  foun- 
tain in  it,  and  a  skylight  138  feet  long." 

But  jest  at  that  minute,  before  I  could  frame  a 
reply,  even  if  I  could  have  found  a  frame  queer- 
shaped  enough  to  hold  my  curious — curious  feelin's — 

Miss  Plank  knocked  at  the  door  and  said  she  vvuz 
ready  to  go — we  had  made  arrangements  to  go  to- 
gether that  mornin' — and  Josiah  tackled  her  about 
the  whale  ;  and  sez  she  briskly — 

"  Oh,  yes  ;  the  whaleback  Christopher  Columbus  ! 
It  would  be  a  good  idee  to  go  to  the  grounds  in  it  ; 
you  can  go  down  in  it  in  half  an  hour — it  is  only 
seven  or  eight  milds." 

So  we  fell  in  with  her  idee  ;  and  bein'  ust  to  the 
place,  she  took  the  lead,  and  also  the  street  cars, 
and  we  soon  found  ourselves  on  board  the  biggest 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  47 1 

floatin'  ship  I  ever  laid  eyes  on.  And  I  couldn't 
see  as  it  looked  much  like  a  whale,  unless  it  wuz 
that  it  wuz  long;,  and  kinder  pinted,  and  turned  up 
at  both  ends,  some  the  shape  of  a  whale. 

Wall,  I  guess  the  hull  five  thousand  folks  wuz 
on  board,  and  had  brung  their  relations  on  both 
sides.  It  looked  like  it,  and  we  steamed  along  by 
the  shore  for  quite  a  spell,  the  city  a-layin'  in  plain 
view  for  mild  after  mild — or  that  is,  in  as  plain  view 
as  it  could  be  under  its  envelopin'  curtain  of  smoke. 

But  bimeby  the  smoke  all  cleared  away,  the  air 
wuz  clear  and  pure,  and  the  lake  lay  fair  and  placid 
fur  off  as  we  could  see.  It  might  a  been  the 
ocean,  for  all  we  could  tell,  for  you  can't  see  no 
further  than  you  can,  anyway,  and  you  can't  see  no 
further  than  that  on  the  Atlantic  or  the  Pacific. 

Way  beyend  what  you  can't  see  might  stretch 
thousands  and  thousands  of  milds  and  a  new  con- 
tinent ;  or  it  might  be  a  loggin'  camp,  or  Kalama- 
zoo. It  don't  make  no  difference  to  your  feelin's, 
it  has  all  the  illimitable  expanse,  the  vastness  of  the 
great  ocean. 

So  it  wuz  with  the  outlook  on  the  rlashin'  blue 
waters  on  that  magic  mornin5. 

And  pretty  soon  the  White  City  riz  up  like  a  city 
of  bewilderin'  beauty  and  enchantment,  with  the 
sun  a-lookin'  down  from  a  blue  sky,  and  lightin'  up 


472  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

the  tall,  white  walls,  and  gilded  domes,  and  towers, 
and  minarets.  And  as  we  floated  along  by  Jackson 
Park,  and  could  git  a  plain  view  of  the  perfect 
huildin's — the  lagoons  with  fairy  boats  a-skimmin' 
over  the  sparklin'  surface — in  fact,  in  plain  view  of 
the  hull  vast,  bewilderin'  seen  of  matchless  splendor 
— why,  I  declare  I  felt  almost  as  if  I  wuz  took  back 
clear  into  the  Arabian  Nights  Entertainments,  and 
magic  seens  wuz  bein'  unfolded  before  my  enrap- 
tured vision. 

Why,  I  almost  felt  that  my  Josiah  wuz  a  genii, 
and  Miss  Plank  a  geniess.  I  wouldn't  a  won- 
dered a  mite  any  minute  if  a  carpet  had  dropped 
down  for  us  to  git  onto,  and  we  floated  off  into 
Bagdad.      I  felt  queer — extremely. 

But  Bagdad  nor  no  other  Dad  wuz  ever  so  en- 
chantin'ly  lovely  as  the  seen  outspread  before  our 
eyes.  As  surpassin'ly  beautiful  as  the  Exposition 
is  from  every  side,  hind  side  and  fore  side,  and  from 
top  to  bottom,  it  is,  I  do  believe,  most  radiantly 
lovely  from  the  water  approach. 

You  needn't  be  a  mite  afraid  of  gittin'  your  idees 
too  riz  up  about  the  onspeakable  beauty  of  the  seen. 
No  matter  if  they  waiz  riz  up  higher  than  you  ever 
drempt  of  rizin'  'em  up,  instead  of  fallin',  they  will, 
so  to  speak,  find  themselves  on  the  ground  floor — 
in  the  suller,  as  you  may  say — so  fur  up  beyend  your 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  473 

highest  imagination  is  the  reality  of  that  wonderful 
White  City  of  the  West — 

Magic  city  that  has  sprung  up  there  amidst  the 
blue  waters  and  green  forests  like  a  dream  of 
enchantment,  a  hymn  of  glory,  with  not  one  false, 
harsh  note  in  it  to  mar  the  glory  and  perfectness  of 
the  song. 

Now,  I  have  had  my  idees  riz  up  lots  of  times — 
they  have  riz  and  fell  so  much  that  my  muse  has 
fairly  lamed  herself  time  and  agin,  and  went  round 
limpin'  for  some  time. 

And  Josiah  had  told  me  time  and  agin,  as  I 
would  go  on  about  the  beauty  I  expected  to  see  at 
the  World's  Fair,  "  Samantha,  you  expect  too  much  ; 
you  will  get  dissapinted  ;  tain't  Heaven  you  are 
goin'  to  ;  anybody  would  most  expect,  to  hear  you 
go  on,  that  you  expected  to  see  the  New  Jerusa- 
lem— you  are  goin'  to  be  dissapinted." 

Wall,  sure  enough  I  wuz,  but  the  dissapintment 
wuz  on  the  other  side — I  hadn't  expected  half  nor  a 
quarter  nor  a  millionth  part  enough.  My  muse 
instead  of  comin'  down  from  the  heights  that  I 
spozed  she  wuz  on  a-cungerin'  up  that  seen — to  use 
metafor — she  had  always,  as  you  may  say,  sot  down 
flat  on  the  ground. 

Why,  I  couldn't  do  justice  to  it  in  words,  nor 
Josiah   couldn't,  nor  Miss  Plank  couldn't,  not  if  we 


474  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

all  on  us  had  a  dictionary  in  one  hand  and  a  Eng- 
lish reader  in  the  other,  and  had  travelled  down 
there  that  beautiful  mornin'  with  a  brass  band. 

I  wuz  so  wropped  up  in  my  bewildered  and 
extatic  admiration  that  my  companions  wuz 
entirely  lost  from  sight,  when  Miss  Plank  sez — 

"Here  we  are,  ready  to  land."  And  indeed  I 
see  on  comin'  to  myself  that  the  hull  5000,  and 
their  relations  on  both  sides,  wuz  on  the  move,  and 
it  wuz  time  for  me  to  disembark  myself,  which  I 
proceeded  to  do,  a-follered  by  the  forms  of  my  Josiah 
and  Miss  Plank.  She  stepped  out  quite  briskly 
over  her  namesake,  and  so  did  Josiah.  They  didn't 
take  in  the  full  beauty  and  grandeur  of  the  seen  as 
I  did — no,  indeed. 

They  could  think  of  vittles  even  at  that  time,  for 
I  heard  Josiah  say — 

"  We  will  settle  on  some  place  to  go  that  is  handy 
to  a  restaurant." 

And  Miss  Plank  picked  one  where  the  biled 
corned  beef  wuz  delicious,  and  the  pies  and  cof- 
fee— 

Corned  beef  !  oh,  my  heart,  in  such  a  time  as 
this  !  Beef  corned  in  such  a  hour  !  But  I  for- 
give 'em  and  pitied  'em,  for  it  wuz  my  duty. 

Wall,  we  told  Josiah  he  should  have  his  way  that 
mornin',  and  sro  where  he  wanted  to — and  he  want- 


a     A 


4/6  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

ed  to  tackle  Machinery  Hall  ;  consequently  we 
tackled  it. 

And  how  many  acres  big  do  you  suppose  this 
buildin'  wuz  ?  Seventeen  acres  and  a  half  is  the 
size  of  the  floor — 

Jest  half  a  acre  more  than  Silenas  Bobbetses 
farm,  that  he  broke  old  Squire  Bobbetses  will  to  git, 
and  he  and  his  twin  brother  Zebulin  come  to  hands 
and  blows  about,  in  front  of  the  Jonesville  post- 
office. 

Zebulin  said  it  wuz  too  much  land  to  give  to  one 
of  the  children — they  wuz  leven  of  em — and  the 
farm  didn't  go  round — the  others  didn't  have  only 
fifteen  acres  apiece. 

Yes  ;  this  one  buildin'  covered  as  much  ground  as 
Silenas  Bobbet  gits  a  good  livin'  from,  a-raisin'  cab- 
bage and  spinach. 

And  the  buildin'  wuz  seemin'ly  all  wrought  of  white 
marble,  with  statutes,  and  colonnades,  and  towers, 
and  everything  else  for  its  comfort,  and  inside 
wuz  every  machine  that  wuz  ever  made  or  thought 
on,  from  a  sassage-cutter  and  apple-parer  to  a  steam 
engine  in  full  blast. 

I  believe  they  tuned  up  higher  and  louder  when  I 
went  in — it  wouldn't  be  nothin'  surprisin'  if  they 
did,  some  as  the  brass  band  strikes  up  as  the  hero 
enters. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    PAIR.  477 

This  song  wuz  the  loud,  strong  chorus  of  Labor, 
that  echoes  all  over  the  world,  grand  chorus  that  is 
played  by  the  full  orkestry  of  the  sons  and  daugh- 
ters of  toil. 

Oh,  how  many  notes  there  is  in  this  strong,  ail- 
pervadin'  anthem  !  Genius,  and  Patience,  and 
Ambition,  and  Enterprise,  and  Ardent  Endeavor — 
high  notes,  and  low  ones,  all  blent  together,  all 
tuned  to  the  hauntin'  key.  It  is  a  sam  that  shakes 
the  hull  earth  with  its  might. 

As  I  entered  this  palace,  sacred  to  its  song,  how 
its  echoes  rolled  through  my  ear  pans,  how  them  pans 
seemed  to  fairly  shiver  under  the  mighty  strokes  of 
the  song,  and  its  weird,  painful  accompaniment  of 
boilers  a-boilin',  rollin'  mills  a-rollin' ! 

Water  wheels,  freight  elevators — cranes  a-cran- 
in',  derricks  a-derrickin',  divin'  apparatus,  fire-ex- 
tinguishin'  apparatus — 

Machines  of  all  sorts  and  kinds  to  manufacture 
all  sorts  of  goods,  and  all  hands  to  work  at  it — 
silk,  cotton,  wool,  linen,  ingy-rubber,  ropes,  and 
paper. 

Saw-mills,  wind-mills,  printin'-presses  a-pressin'. 
All  sorts  of  tools  to  make  all  sorts  of  picters — en- 
gravin's,  color  printin' — picters  from  the  16th  cen- 
tury up  to  1893 — they  wuz  relief  engravin's. 

I   spoze  they  are  called  so  because  it   is    such    a 


47#  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

relief  to  think  we  don't  have  to  look  at  them  old 
picters  now. 

And  there  wuz  half-tone  processes,  mechanical 
and  medicinal  processes,  and  every  other  process  you 
ever  hearn  on,  and  didn't  ever  hear  on,  right  there 
in  a  procession  in  front  of  me,  and  all  a-processin'. 

And  there  wuz  machines  for  makin'  clocks,  and 
watches,  and  jewelry,  and  buttons,  and  pins,  and 
all  kinds  of  appliances  ever  used  in  machinery, 
and  stun,  sawin',  and  glass-grin  din'  machinery 
a-grindin'  and  makin'  bricks  and  pottery,  and  used 
in  makin'  artificial  stun — the  idee  ! 

You'd  a  thought  the  stun  wuz  all  made  before 
the  Lord  rested. 

And  there  wuz  rollin'  mills  a-rollin',  and  forges 
a-forgin',  and  rollin'  trains,  and  harnesses,  and  squeez- 
ers a-squeezin' — and  every  machine  that  wuz  ever 
made  to  shape  metals  and  tire  mills,  and  mills  that 
wuzn't  tired,  1  guess — I  didn't  see  any,  but  I  spoze 
they  wuz  there.  But  they  all  looked  tired  to  me 
— tired  as  a  dog,  but  I  spoze  it  wuz  my  feelin's. 

I  see  all  through  this  buildin'  that  there  wTuz 
more  wimmen  than  men  there — which  shows  what 
interest  wimmen  takes  in  solid  things  as  well  as 
ornimental. 

Wall,  we  hung  around  there  till  I  wuz  fearfully 
wore  out — with  the  sights   I    see  and  the    noise    I 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  479 

hearn — and  it  wuz  a  relief  to  my  eyes  and  ears 
(and  I  believe  them  ear  pans  never  will  be  the  pans 
they  wuz  before  I  went  in  there) — it  wuz  a  relief 
when  my  companion  begun  to  feel  the  nawin's  of 
hunger.  And  after  we  went  through  Machinery 
Hall  we  went  through  the  machine  shops,  at  a 
pretty  good  jog,  and  the  power-house,  where  there  is 
the  biggest  engine  in  the  world — 24,000  horse  power. 

Good  land  !  and  in  Jonesville  we  consider  4  horses 
hitched  to  a  load  very  powerful  ;  but  jest  think  of 
it,  twenty-four  thousand  horses  jest  hitched  along 
in  front  of  each  other — why,  they  would  reach  from 
our  house  clear  to  Zoar — the  idee  ! 

But  Josiah's  inward  state  grew  worse  and  worse, 
and  finally  sez  he,  in  pitiful  axents — 

"  Samantha,  I  am  in  a  starvin'  state,"  and  Miss 
Plank  looked  quite  bad. 

So  at  their  request  we  went  a  little  further  south 
to  the  White  Horse  Inn. 

This  inn  is  a  exact  reproduction  of  the  famous 
White  Horse  Inn  in  England.  Thinkin'  so  much  of 
Dickens  as  I  do  (introduced  to  him  by  Thomas 
Jefferson),  it  wuz  a  comfort  to  see  over  the  man- 
tlery-piece  the  well-known  form  of  "  Sam  Weller," 
the  old  maid,  and  others  of  Dickenses  characters,  that 
seem  jest  as  real  to  me  as  Thomas  Jefferson,  or 
Tirzah  Ann. 


480  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Over  the  main  entrance  is  a  statute  of  a  white 
horse,  lookin'  considerable  like  our  old  mair,  only 
more  high-headed. 

The  original  inn  had  a  open  court,  where  stage- 
coaches drove  in  to  unload,  and  from  which  Mr. 
Pickwick  and  his  faithful  Sam  Weller  often  alight- 
ed. 

But  instead  of  using  it  for  horses  now,  they  use 
it  for  a  smokin' -room  for  men  ;  they  can't  use  it  for 
both  of  'em,  for  horses  don't  want  to  go  in  there — 
horses  don't  smoke  ;  tobacco  makes  'em  sick — sick 
as  a  snipe. 

Man  is  the  only  animal,  so  fur  as  I  know,  who 
can  have  tobacco  in  any  shape  put  into  his  mouth 
without  resentin'  it,  it  is  so  nasty. 

Wall,  we  got  a  good  clean  meal  there  at  a  reason- 
able price,  though  Miss  Plank  thought  there  wuzn't 
enough  emptin'  in  the  bread,  and  the  sponge  cake 
lacked  sugar.  But  I  think  they  know  how  to  cook 
there — -that  inn  is  the  headquarters  of  the  Pick- 
wick Club.  Lots  of  English  folks  go  there,  as  is 
nateral. 

Wall,  after  we  had  a  lunch  and  rested  for  a  spell, 
Josiah  proposed  that  we  should  go  and  see  the 
Transportation  Buildin'. 

Miss  Plank  had  to  leave  us  now  to  go  home  and 
see  about  her  cookin'.     And  we  wended  on  alone. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  48 1 

On  our  way  there  we  met  Thomas  J.  and  Maggie 
and  Isabelle.  They  wuz  jest  a-goin'  to  Machinery 
Hall.  Maggie  and  Isabelle  looked  sweet  as  two 
new-blown  roses,  and  Thomas  J.  smart  and  hand- 
some. 

We  stopped  and  visited  quite  a  spell,  real  affec- 
tionate and  agreeable. 

Oh,  what  a  interestin'  couple  our  son  and  his 
wife  are  !  and  Isabelle  is  a  girl  of  a  thousand. 

Krit  had  gone  on  to  Dakota,  on  business,  they 
said,  but  wuz  comin'  back  anon — or  mebby  before. 

Truly,  if  anybody  had  kep  track  of  their  pride 
and  self-conceit,  and  counted  how  many  times  it 
fell,  and  fell  hard,  too,  durin'  the  World's  Fair,  it 
would  have  been  a  lesson  to  'em  on  the  vanity  of 
earthly  things,  and  a  good  lesson  in  rithmetic,  too. 

Why,  they  couldn't  tell  the  number  of  times 
unless  they  could  go  up  into  millions,  and  I  d'no 
but  trillions. 

Why,  it  would  keep  a-fallin'  and  a-fallin'  the  hull 
durin'  time  you  wuz  there,  if  you  kep  watch  on  it 
to  see  ;  but  truly  you  didn't  have  no  time  to,  no 
more'n  you  did  your  breathin',  only  when  it 
took  a  little  deeper  fall  than  common,  and  then  as 
it  lay  prostrate  and  wounded,  it  drawed  your  atten- 
tion to  it. 

Now,  at  Jonesvilie,  the  neighborin'  wimmen  had 


482  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

envied  and  looked  up  to  my  transportation  facili- 
ties. 

Miss  Gowdy  and  she  that  wuz  Submit  Tewks- 
bury  would  often  say  to  me — 

"Oh,  if  I  had  your  way  of  gittin'  round — if  1 
could  only  have  your  way  of  goin'  jest  where  you 
want  to  and  when  you  want  to !" 

Such  remarks  had  fed  my  vanity  and  pride. 

And  I  will  own  right  up,  like  a  righteous  sinner, 
that  I  had  ofttimes,  though  I  had  on  the  outside  a 
becomin'  appearance  of  modesty — 

Yet  on  the  inside  I  wuz  all  puffed  up  by  a 
feelin'  of  my  superior  advantages — 

As  I  would  set  up  easy  on  the  back  seat  of  the 
democrat,  and  the  old  mair  would  bear  me  on 
gloriously,  and  admired  by  the  neighborin'  wimmen 
who  walked  along  the  side  of  the  road  afoot,  and 
anon  the  old  mair  a-leavin'  'em  fur  behind. 

And,  like  all  high  stations,  that  back  seat  in  the 
democrat  and  that  noble  old  mair  had  brung  down 
envy  onto  me  and  mean  remarks. 

It  come  straight  back  to  me — Miss  Lyman  Tar- 
box  told  she  that  wuz  Sally  Ann  Mayhew,  and  she 
that  wuz  Sally  Ann  told  the  minister's  wife,  and 
she  told  her  aunt,  and  her  aunt  told  my  son-in- 
law's  mother,  and  Miss  Minkley  told  Tirzah  Ann, 
and  she  told  me— it  come  straight — 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  4S3 

"  That  Josiah  Allen's  wife  looked  like  a  fool,  and 
acted  like  one,  a-settin'  up  a-ridin'  whenever  she 
went  anywhere,  while  them  that  wuz  full  as  likely 
walked  afoot  1" 

I  took  them  remarks  as  a  tribute  to  my  great- 
ness— a  plain  acknowledgement  of  my  superior 
means  of  locomotion  and  transportation. 

They  didn't  break  the  puff  ball  of  my  vanity  and 
pride,  and  let  the  wind  out — no,  indeed  ! 

But  alas  !  alas  !  as  I  entered  the  Transportation 
Buildin',  and  looked  round  me,  there  wuz  no  gentle 
prick  to  that  overgrown  puff  ball  to  let  the  gas  out 
drizzlin'ly  and  gradual — no,  there  wuz  a  sudden 
smash,  a  wild  collapse,  a  flat  and  total  squshiness — 
the  puff  ball  wuz  broke  into  a  thousand  pieces,  and 
the  wind  it  contained,  where  wuz  it  ?  Ask  the 
breezes  that  wafted  away  Caesar's  last  groans,  that 
blowed  up  the  dust  over  buried   Pompeii. 

The  buildin'  itself  wuz  a  sight — why,  it  is  960 
feet  long,  and  the  cupola  in  the  centre  166  feet 
high,  with  eight  elevators  to  take  you  up  to  it  ; 
the  great  main  entrance  wuz  all  overlaid  with 
gold — looked  full  as  good  as  Solomon's  temple,  I 
do  believe — and  broad  enough  and  big  enough  for 
a  hull  army  of  giants  to  walk  through  abreast, 
and  then  room  enough  for  Josiah  and  me  besides. 

But    it    WUZ    on    the    inside   of    il    that    my    pride 


484  SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

fell  and  broke  all  to  pieces,  as  I  looked  round  me 
and  down  the  long  distance  behind  and  before  me. 

I  knew — for  I  had  been  told — that  one  fourth 
of  all  the  savin's  of  civilized  man  is  invested  in 
railroads,  and  when  I  thought  of  how  dretful  rich 
some  men  and  countries  are,  and  kings  and  em- 
perors, etc.,  I  felt  prepared  to  do  homage  to  a 
undertakin'  that  had  swallowed  up  one  fourth  of 
all  that  accumulated  wealth. 

But  sence  the  world  begun,  never  had  there  been 
a  exhibition  before  showin'  all  the  railroad  systems 
of  the  world  side  by  side,  all  the  big  American  rail- 
roads, and  great  Britain,  and  France,  and  Germany. 

The  Baltimore  and  Ohio  exhibit  shows  how  the 
railroads  of  the  world  have  been  thought  out  grad- 
ual, and  come  up  from  nothin'  to  what  they  are — 
grew  up  from  a  little  steam  carriage  that  wuz  shut 
up  in  Paris  in  1  760  as  bein'  disordely. 

"  Disordely  !"  Good  land  !  there  never  wuz  a  new 
idee  worth  anything  in  this  world  but  has  been 
called  "  disordely"  by  fools. 

You  can  see  that  very  little  carriage  here  at  the 
Fair  ;  after  bein'  shut  up  for  two  hundred  years,  it 
comes  out  triumphant,  just  as  Columbus  has. 

Stevensonses  first  engine  is  here — an  exact  repro- 
duction— and  the  hull  caboodle  of  the  first  attempts 
leadin'  up  to  the  engines  of  to-day. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  485 

Dretful  interestin'  to  look  at  these  rough  little 
inventions  and  to  speculate  on  what  prophetic  striv- 
ing, and  yearnin's,  and  heartaches,  and  despairs,  and 
triumphs  went  into  every  one  on  'em. 

For  every  one  on  'em  wuz  follered,  as  a  man  is  by 
his  black  shadder,  by  the  cold,  evil  spirits  of  unbe- 
lief, malice,  envy,  and  cheatin'. 

The  sun  the  inventors  walked  under — the  glowin' 
sun  of  prophecy  and  foreknowledge — always  casts 
such    shadders,  some  as  our  sun  duz,  only  blacker. 

And  every  one  of  them  old  engines  by  the  help 
of  machinery  is  moved  and  turned,  just  as  if  Old 
Time  himself  had  laid  his  hour-glass  off  en  his  head, 
and  wuz  a-puttin'  his  old  shoulders  under  their  iron 
shafts,  and  a-settin'  them  to  goin'  agin,  after  so 
long  a  time. 

How  T  wished  as  I  looked  at  'em  that  Stevenson 
and  the  rest  of  them  men  who  lived,  and  worked, 
and  suffered  ahead  of  their  time,  could  a  been 
there  to  see  the  fruit  of  their  glowin'  fancies  blow 
out  in  full  bloom  ! 

But  then  I  thought,  as  I  looked  out  of  a  winder 
into  the  clear,  blue  depths  of  sky  overhead,  Like 
as  not  they  are  here  now,  their  souls  havin'  wrought 
out  some  finer  existence,  so  etheral  that  our  coarser 
senses  couldn't  recognize  'em — mebby  they  wuz 
right   here  round  the  old  home  of  their  thoughts,  as 


486    -  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR. 

men's  dreams  will  hang  round  the  homes  of  their 
boyhood. 

Who  knows  now?    I  don't,  nor  Josiah. 

The  New  York  Central  exhibit  shows  the  old 
Mohawk  and  Hudson  train,  a  model  of  the  first 
locomotive  sot  a-goin'  on  the  Hudson  in  1807  with 
a  boundin'  heart  and  a  tremblin'  hand  by  Robert 
Fulton,  and  which  wuz  pushed  off  from  the  pier 
and  propelled  onwards  by  the  sneerin',  mockin',  un- 
believin'  laughs  of  the  spectators  as  much  as  from 
the  breezes  that  swept  up  from  the  south. 

I  would  gin  a  cent  freely  and  willin'ly  if  1  could 
a  seen  Robert  stand  there  side  by  side  with  that 
old  locomotive  and  the  fastest  lightin'  express  of 
to-day — like  seed  and  harvest — with  Josiah  and  me 
for  a  verdant  and  sympathizin'  background. 

Oh,  what  a  sight  it  would  a  been,  if  his  emotions 
could  a  been  laid  bare,  and  mine,  too  ! 

It  would  a  been  a  sight  long  to  remember. 

But  to  resoom. 

The  first  locomotive  ever  seen  in  Chicago  wuz 
there  a-puffin'  out  its  own  steam.  It  must  felt 
proud-sperited  in  all  of  its  old  jints,  but  it  acted 
well  and  snorted  with  the  best  on  'em.  The  999, 
the  fastest  engine  in  the  world,  wuz  by  the  side  of 
the  Clinton,  the  first  engine  ever  made.  I  opened 
the  coach   door  and  got  in.      It  looked  jest  like  a 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  48/ 

common  two-seated  buggy  of  to-day,  with  seats  on 
top,  and  water  and  wood  to  run  it  with  kep  in 
barrels  behind  the  engine. 

And  England  and  Germany,  not  to  be  outdone, 
brung  over  some  of  their  finest  railroads.  Why, 
Wales  brought  over  some  of  the  actual  stun  ties  and 
iron  rails  of  the  first  railway  in  Great  Britain  ;  and 
as  for  the  splendor  of  the  coaches,  they  go  beyend 
anvthing  that  wuz  ever  seen  in  the  world.  Side  by 
side  with  the  finest  passenger  coaches  that  London 
sends  stands  the  Canadian  Pacific,  with  its  dinin' 
and  sleepin'  cars,  and  you  can  form  an  idee  about 
the  richness  on  'em  when  I  tell  you  that  the  wood- 
work of  'em  is  pure  mahogany. 

And  then  the  other  big  railroads,  not  to  be  out- 
done, they  have  their  finest  and  most  elegant  cars 
on  show — 

The  Pullman  and  Wagner  and  the  Empire  State, 
with  its  lightnin'  speed,  and  post-office  and  news- 
paper cars,  and  freight,  and  express,  and  private  cars. 

There  is  a  German  exhibit  of  some  of  them 
likelv  ambulance  cars  used  by  the  Red  Gross  Society 
in  war  time — cars  that  angels  bend  over  as  the 
poor  dyin'  ones  are  carried  from  the  battle-field — 
angels  of  Ilealin'  and  of  Pain. 

Then  the  Belgians  have  a  full  exhibit  of  the 
light,   handy    vehicles  of  all   shapes,   from  a  barrel 


488  SAMANTHA  AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

to  a  basket,  that  they  make  to  run  on  rails.  Plat- 
forms movin'  by  the  instantaneous  action  of  the 
Westinghouse  brake  on  a  train  of  one  hundred  cars 
is  a  sight  to  see. 

There  are  railroads  for  goin'  like  lightin'  over 
level  roads,  and  goin'  up  and  down,  and  all  sorts 
of  street  cars,  a-goin'  by  horses,  or  mules,  or  light- 
nin',  as  the  case  might  be.  President  Polk's  old  car- 
riage looked  jest  like  Grandpa  Smedly's  great-grand- 
father's buggy,  that  stands  in  this  old  stun  carriage 
house,  and  has  stood  there  for  ioo  years  and  more. 

And  all  sorts  of  gorgeous  carriages  that  wuz  ever 
seen  or  hearn  on,  and  carts,  and  wagons,  and  bug- 
gies, from  a  tallyho  coach  to  a  invalid's  chair  and 
a  wheelbarrow,  and  from  a  toboggan  to  a  bicycle, 
and  palanquins  of  Japan,  China,  India,  and  Africa. 

Howdahs  for  elephants,  saddles  for  camels,  donkey 
exhibits  from  South  America  and  Egypt,  the  rig 
of  the  water-carriers  of  Cairo,  the  milk-sellers  of 
South  America,  and  the  cargados,  or  human  pack- 
horses,  of  both  sexes  of  that  country — models  that 
show  the  human  and  brute  forms  of  labor. 

Models  of  ox-carts,  used  in  Jacob's  time,  and  in 
which,  I  dare  presoom  to  say,  Old  Miss  Jacob  ust 
to  go  a-visitin'  to  old  Miss  Abraham  and  Isaae,  and 
mebby  stay  all  day,  she  and  the  children. 

And  pneumatic  tubes  that   I   spoze  will  be  used 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


old  Miss  Jacob  ust  to 
a-visitin'. 


fur  more  in  the  future,  and  for  more  various  uses, 
and  all  kinds  of  balloons  and  air-ships. 

Balloon  transportation — ridin'  through  the  air 
swift  as  the  wind — 
what  idees  that  riz 
up  under  my  fore- 
top,  of  takin'  break- 
fast to  home,  and 
a-eatin'  supper  wdth 
the  Widder  Albert, 
or  some  of  her  folks, 
and  spendin'  the 
night  with  the  Ox-cari 
Sphynx,  a-settin'  out 
by  moonlight  on  the  pyramids — a-settin'  on  the  top 
stun,  my  feet  on  another  one,  and  my  chin  in  my 
hand,  a-meditatin'  on  queer  things,  and  a-neigh- 
borin'  with  'em.  From  Jonesville  to  the  Desert  of 
Sarah,  in  a  flash,  as  it  were. 

Where  wuz  the  old  democrat — where,  oh,  where 
vvTuz  she  ?  Ask  the  ocean  waves  as  they  break  in 
thunder  on  the  cliff,  and  hain't  heard  from  no  more — 
ask  'em,  and  if  they  answer  you,  you  may  hear 
from  the  old  democrat. 

And  then  there  wuz  all  kinds  of  vessels,  and  boats, 
and  steamships,  and  canal-boats,  and  yachts,  and 
elevators,  and  water  railways. 


490  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

Why,  right  there  in  plain  sight  wuz  a  section 
sixty  feet  long  of  one  of  the  new  Atlantic  steamers, 
cut  out  of  the  ship,  some  as  you  cut  a  quarter  out 
of  an  orange,  or  cut  off  a  stick  of  candy. 

You  can  see  the  hull  of  the  ship  in  that  one  piece, 
from  the  hold  to  the  upper  deck — it  looks  like  a  struc- 
ture five  stories  high — it  shows  the  state-room,  saloon, 
music-room,  and  so  forth,  fitted  up  exactly  as  they 
are  at  sea,  ororo-eous  and  como^eous  in  the  extreme. 

And  here  is  the  reproduction  of  the  Viking  ship, 
nine  hundred  years  old — dug  up  in  a  sand-hill  in 
Norway,  in  1880.  It  is  fitted  up  exactly  as  the 
Storm  Kings  of  one  thousand  years  ago  used  'em — ■ 
thirty-two  oars,  each  seventeen  feet  long.  Mebby 
that  same  ship  brung  over  some  Vikings  here  when 
the  old  Newport  Mill  wuz  new. 

The  English  exhibit  has  a  model  of  H.  M.  S. 
Victoria,  three  hundred  and  sixty  feet  long  ;  there  is 
a  immense  lookin'-glass  behind  this  model,  so  as  to 
make  it  look  complete,  and  it  is  a  sight  to  behold — 
a  sight. 

Why,  the  U.  S.  has  models  of  their  great  steam- 
ships, the  Etruria  and  the  Umbria,  and  there  are 
every  kind  of  vessels  that  wuz  ever  hearn  on,  for 
trade,  pleasure,  or  war,  and  all  kinds  of  Oriental 
ships,  and  all  kinds  of  craft  that  ever  floated  in 
every  ocean  and  river  of  the  known  world 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  49 1 

From  a  miniature  Egyptian  canoe,  found  in  a 
tomb,  to  the  sheep-skin  rafts  of  the  Euphrates  and 
the  dugouts  of  Africa,  with  sails,  to  the  gorgeous  sail- 
boats of  the  Adriatic  and  the  most  ancient  vessels 
in  the  world. 

What  a  sight  !  what  a  sight  !  It  would  take  weeks 
to  jest  count  'em,  let  alone  studyin'  'em  as  you  ort. 

And  every  machine  in  the  known  world  for  pro- 
pellin'  boats  and  railways,  from  steam  to  lightnin'. 

Where  wuz  my  old  mair  in  such  a  seen  ?  Oh, 
ask  my  droopin'  sperits  where  wuz  she  ? 

And  there  wuz  everything  about  protection  of 
life  and  property,  communication  at  sea,  protection 
against  storms  and  fire,  and  all  kinds  of  light-houses 
and  divin'  apparatus,  and  pontoons  for  raisin'  sunken 
vessels  out  of  the  depths  of  the  sea. 

And  relics  of  Arctic  explorations,  every  one  on 
'em  weighted  down  with  memories  of  cold,  and 
hunger,  and  frozen  death. 

And  then  there  wuz  movin'  platforms  and  side- 
walks. The  idee  !  What  would  Submit  and  Miss 
Henzy  say — to  go  out  from  our  house  and  stand 
stun-still  on  the  side  of  the  road  and  be  moved 
over  to  Miss  Solomon  Corkses  ! 

Oh,  my  soul,  oh,  my  soul,  think  on't  ! 

And  there  wuz  what  they  called  a  gravity 
road. 


492  SA MANTHA   AT   Tl  i  E    WORLDS    FA1  K. 

And  I  asked  Josiah  "what  he  spozed  that  wuz  ?" 
and  he  said, 

"  He  guessed  it  meant  our  country  roads  in  the 
spring  or  fall." 

Sez  he,  "  If  them  roads  won't  make  a  man  feel 
grave  to  drive  over  'em,  or  a  horse  feel  grave,  too, 
as  they  are  a-wadin'  up  to  their  knees  in  the  mud, 
and  a-draggin'  a  wagon  stuck  half  way  up  over  the 
hub  in  slush  and  thick  mud" — 

Sez  he,  "  If  a  man  won't  feel  grave  under  such 
circumstances,  and  a  horse,  too,  then  I  don't  know 
what  will  make  him." 

"Wail,"  sez  I,  "  if  I  wuz  in  Uncle  Sam's  place  I 
wouldn't  try  to  display  'em  to  foreign  nations."  Sez 
I,  "  They  are  disgraces  to  our  country,  and  I  would 
hush  'em  up." 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah  ;  "  that  is  a  woman's  first  idee 
to  cover  up  sunthin'." 

Sez  he,  "  I  honor  the  old  man  a-comin'  right  out 
and  ownin'  up  his  weaknesses.  The  country  roads 
are  shameful,  and  he  knew  it,  and  he  knew  that  we 
knew  it  ;  so  why  not  come  right  out  open  and  show 
'em  up  ?" 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  it  would  look  as  well  agin  in  him 
to  show  a  <j;ood  road — a  s;ood  country  road,  that  one 
could  go  over  in  the  spring  of  the  year  without 
wishin'  to  do  as  Job  did— curse  God  and  die." 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  493 

Sez  Josiah,  "  Job  didn't  do  that  ;  his  wife  wanted 
him  to,  and  he  refused  ;  men  hain't  profane  nat- 
erally." 

"Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I,  "the  language  you  have 
used  over  that  Jonesville  road  in  muddy  times  has 
been  enough  to  chill  the  blood  in  my  veins.  Tell 
me  that  men  hain't  profane  !" 

"  Not  naterally,  I  said  ;  biles  and  country  roads 
is  enough  to  make  Job  and  me  swear."  And  he 
looked  gloomy  as  he  thought  of  the  stretch  from 
Grout  Hozletons  to  Jonesville,  and  how  it  looked 
from  March  till  June. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "less  get  our  minds  off  on't,"  and 
I  hurried  him  on  to  look  at  the  Austrian  exhibit, 
and  the  Alps  seemed  to  git  his  mind  off  some. 

There  they  wuz.  There  was  the  Alps,  with  a 
railroad  in  the  foreground  ;  then  the  ship  of  the 
Invincible  Armada,  in  the  Madrid  exhibit,  seemed 
to  take  up  his  mind  ;  and  all  of  the  guns,  from  the 
fifteenth  century  on  to  our  day  ;  and  the  Spanish 
collection  of  models  of  block-houses,  forts,  castles, 
towers,  and  so  forth. 

In  the  middle  of  the  main  buildin'  stood  two  big 
masts  fifty  feet  high — one  of  our  own  day,  with 
every  modern  convenience  ;  the  other  like  them 
masts  on  them  ships  of  Columbus. 

I  hope  our  sails  will  waft  on  the  ship  of  our  coun- 


494. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


il|"' 


try  to  as  great  a  success  as  Columbuses  did.      Mebby 
it  will ;   I  hope  so. 

Wall,  after  we  left  the  Transportation  Buildin', 
sez  Josiah,  "  I  am  dead  sick  of  grandeur,  and  pal- 
aces 30  and  40  acres  big,  and  gildin',  and  arches,  and 
pillars,  and  iron." 

Sez  he,  "  I  would  give  a 
cent  this  minute  to  see  our 
sugar  house,  and  if  I  could  see 
Sam  Widrig's  hovel,  where  he 
keeps  his  sheep,  and  our  old 
log  milk  house,  I'd  be  willin' 
to  give  a  dollar  bill." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  in  a  kinder 
low  voice,  for  I  didn't  want  it 
to  git  out — I  felt  that  I  would 
ruther  lose  no  end  of  comfort 
than  to  hurt  the  Christopher 
Columbus  World's  Fair's  feel- 
in's — 

I  whispered,  "  I  feel  jest  ex- 
actly as  you  do.  And,"  sez  I,  "  less  go  and  find  a 
cabin  and  some  huts  if  we  can,  and  a  board." 

So  we,  havin'  been  told  before  where  we  should 
find  these,  wended  our  way  to  the  Esquimo  village, 
and  lo  !  there  wuz  a  big  board  fence  round  it. 

And  Josiah  went  up  and   laid  his  hand  on  them 


It  looks  good  enough  to 

EAT." 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  495 

good  hemlock  boards  lovin'lv,  and  sex  he,  "  It 
looks  good  enough  to  eat."  I  could  hardly  with- 
draw him  from  it — he  clung  to  it  like  a  brother. 

Wall,  inside  that  board  fence  wuz  a  number  of 
cabins  or  huts,  containin'  some  of  'em  a  hide  bag  or 
a  bed,  a  dog  sled  with  some  strips  of  tin  for  a  har- 
ness, and  some  plain  tables,  white  as  snow  in  some 
huts,  and  in  some  as  black  as  dirt  could  make  'em. 

There  wuz  about  fifty  or  sixty  males  and  females 
and  children  there,  and  one  on  'em,  a  little  bit  of  a 
baby,  born  right  there  on  the  Fair  ground. 

She  wuz  about  as  big  as  a  little  toy  doll.  She 
wuz  a-swingin'  there  in  a  little  hammock,  and  she 
didn't  seem  to  care  a  mite  whether  she  wuz  born  up 
to  the  Arctic  Pole  or  in  Chicago.  Good  land  ! 
what  did  she  care  about  the  pole  ?  Mother  love 
wuz  the  hull  equatorial  circle  to  her,  and  it  wuz 
a-bendin'  right  over  her. 

The  little  mother  had  pantaloons  on,  and  didn't 
seem  to  like  it ;  she  had  a  long  jacket  and  some 
moccasins. 

Right  there  inside  of  that  board  fence  is  as  good 
a  object  lesson  as  you'll  find  of  the  cleansin'  and 
elevatin'  power  of  the  Christian  religion.  There 
wuz  two  heathen  families,  and  their  cabins  wuz 
dirty  and  squalid,  while  the  Christianized  homes 
are  as  clean  and  pure  as  hands  can  make  'em. 


496  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

First  godliness,  and  then  cleanliness. 

The  way  the  Esquimos  tell  their  age  is  to  have 
a  bag  with  stuns  in  it  for  years.  Every  year  in  the 
middle  of  summer  they  drop  a  stun  in.  How  handy 
that  would  be  for  them  who  want  to  act  young — why 
jest  let  the  summer  run  by  without  droppin'  the 
stun  in,  or  let  a  hole  come  sort  o'  axidental  in  the 
bag,  and  let  a  few  drop  out.  But,  then,  what  good 
would  it  do  ? 

Sence  Old  Time  himself  is  a-storin'  up  the  stunny 
years  in  his  bag  that  can't  be  dickered  with,  or  de- 
ceived. 

And  he  will  jest  hit  you  over  the  head  with  them 
stuns  ;  they  will  hit  your  head  and  make  it  gray — 
hit  your  eyes,  and  they  will  lose  their  bright  light 
— hit  your  strong  young  limbs  and  make  'em  weak 
and  sort  o'  wobblin'. 

What  use  is  there  a-tryin'  to  drop  'em  out  of  your 
own  private  collection  of  stuns  ? 

But  to  resoom.  The  Esquimos  show  forth 
some  traits  that  are  dretful  interestin'  to  a  philoso- 
pher and  a  investigator. 

They  do  well  with  what  they  have  to  do 
with. 

Now,  no  sewin'  machine  ever  made  finer  stitches 
than  they  take  on  their  sleepin'  bags  and  their  rain 
coats,  etc. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  497 

But  the  thread  they  use  is  only  reindeer  sinews 
split  line  with  their  teeth. 

What  would  they  do  with  sewin'  silk  and  No.  70 
thread  ? 

I  believe  they  would  do  wonders  if  they  had 
things  to  do  with. 

There  wuz  one  young  boy  who  they  said  wuz 
fifteen,  but  he  didn't  look  more'n  seven  or  eight. 
He  looked  out  from  his  little  cap  that  come  right 
up  from  his  coat,  or  whatever  you  call  it ;  it  looks 
some  like  the  loose  frock  that  Josiah  sometimes 
wears  on  the  farm,  only  of  course  Josiah's  don't 
have  a  hood  to  it. 

No,  indeed ;  I  never  can  make  him  wear  a  hood 
in  our  wildest  storms,  nor  a  sun-bunnet. 

But  this  little  Esquimo,  whose  name  is  Pom- 
vak,  he  looked  out  on  the  world  as  if  he  wuz 
a-drinkin'  in  knowledge  in  every  pore  ;  he  looked 
kinder  cross,  too,  and  morbid.  I  guess  lookin'  at 
ice-suckles  so  much  had  made  his  nater  kinder 
cold. 

And  who  knows  what  changes  it  will  make  in 
his  future  up  there  in  the  frozen  north — his  sum- 
mer spent  here  in  Chicago  ? 

Anyway,  durin'  (lie  long,  long  night,  he  will 
always  have  sunthin'  besides  the  northern  lights  to 
light  up  its  darkness. 


498  SAM  ANTRA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

What  must  memory  do  for  him  as  he  sits  by  the 
low  fire  durin'  the  six  months  night  ? 

Cold  and  blackness  outside,  and  in  his  mind  the 
warm  breath  of  summer  lands,  the  gay  crowds,  the 
throng  of  motley  dressed  foreigners,  the  marvellous 
city  of  white  palaces  by  the  blue  waters. 

Wall,  Josiah  got  real  rested  and  sort  o'  sot  up 
agin.  And  he  laid  his  hand  agin  lovin'ly  on  the 
boards  as  we  left  the  seen. 

Wall,  on  our  way  home  I  had  an  awful  trial  with 
Josiah  Allen.  Mebby  what  he  had  seen  that  day 
had  made  him  feel  kind  o'  riz  up,  and  want  to  act. 

He  and  I  wuz  a-wendin'  our  way  along  the 
lagoon,  when  all  of  a  sudden  he  sez — 

"  Samantha,  I  want  to  go  out  sailin'  in  a  gondola 
— I  want  to  swing  out  and  be  romantic,"  sez  he. 

Sez  he,  "  I  always  wanted  to  be  romantic,  and  I 
always  wanted  to  be  a  gondolier,  but  it  never  come 
handy  before,  and  now  I  will  !  I  7c>///  be  romantic, 
and  sail  round  with  you  in  a  gondola.  I'd  love  to 
<r<)  by  moonlight,  but  sunlight  is  better  than 
nothin'." 

I  looked  down  pityin'ly  on  him  as  he  stood  a  few 
steps  below  me  on  the  flight  o'  stairs  a-leadin' 
down  to  the  water's  edge. 

T  leaned  hard  on  my  faithful  old  umbrell,  for  I 
had  a  touch  of  rumatiz  that  day. 


~  \l 


500  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

And  sez  I,  "  Romance,  Josiah,  should  be  looked 
at  with  the  bright  eyes  of  youth,  not  through  spec- 
tacles No.  12."  Sez  I,  "The  glowin'  mist  that 
wrops  her  round  fades  away  under  the  magnifyin' 
lights  of  them  specs,  Josiah  Allen." 

He  had  took  his  hat  off  to  cool  his  forward,  and 
I  sez  further — 

"  Romance  and  bald  heads  don't  go  together 
worth  a  cent,  and  rumatiz  and  azmy  are  perfect 
strangers  to  her.  Romance  locks  arms  with  young 
souls,  Josiah  Allen,  and  walks  off  with  'em." 

"Oh,  shaw  !"  sez  Josiah,  "  we  hain't  so  very  old. 
Old  Uncle  Smedly  would  call  us  young,  and  we  be, 
compared  to  him." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "through  the  purblind  gaze  of 
ninety  winters  we  may  look  younger,  but  bald  heads 
and  spectacles,  Josiah  Allen,  tell  their  own  silent 
story.  We  are  not  young,  Josiah  Allen,  and  all 
our  lyin'  and  pretendin'  won't  make  us  so." 

"Wall,  dum  it  all  !  I  never  shall  be  any  younger. 
You  can't  dispute  that." 

"  No,"  sez  I  ;  "I  don't  spoze  you  will,  in  this 
spear." 

"  Wall,  I  am  bound  to  go  out  in  a  gondola,  T  am 
bound  to  be  a  gondolier  before  I  die.  So  you  may 
as  well  make  up  your  mind  first  as  last,  and  the  soon- 
er I  go,  the  younger  1  shall  go.      I  [ain't  that  so  ?" 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  501 

With  a  deep  sithe  I  answered,  "  I  spoze  so." 

And  he  continued  on,  "There  is  such  wild,  free 
pleasure  on  the  deep,  Samantha." 

But,  sez  I,  lavin'  down  the  sword  of  common 
sense,  and  takin'  up  the  weepons  of  affection, 

"Think  of  the  dangers,  Josiah.  The  water  is 
damp  and  cold,  and  your  rumatiz  is  fearful." 

"  Dum  it  all  !  I  hain't  a-goin'  in  the  water,  am  I  ?" 

"  I  don't  know,"  sez  I  sadly,  "  I  don't  know, 
Josiah,  and  anyway  the  winds  sweep  down  the 
lagoons,  and  azmy  lingers  on  its  wings.  Pause, 
Josiah  Allen,  for  my  sake,  for  liniments  and  poul- 
tices as  well  as  clouds  have  their  dark  linin's,  and  they 
turn  'em  out  to  me  as  I  ponder  on  your  course." 
Sez  I,  "  Your  danger  appauls  me,  and  also  the  idee 
of  bein'  up  nights  with  you." 

"  But,"  sez  he  firmly,  "  I  will  be  a  gondolier,  I'm 
bound  on't.  And,"  sez  he,  "  I  want  one  of  them 
gorgeous  silk  dresses  that  they  wear.  I'd  love  to 
appear  in  a  red  and  veller  suit,  Samantha,  or  a  green 
and  purple,  or  a  blue  and  maroon,  with  a  pink  sash 
made  of  thin  glitterin'  silk,  but  I  spoze  that  you 
will  break  that  up  in  a  minute.  So,  I  spoze 
that  I  shall  have  to  dwindle  down  onto  a  silk  scarf, 
or  some  plumes  in  mv  hat,  mebby — you  never  are 
willin'  for  me  to  soar  out  and  spread  myself,  but 
you  probable  wouldn't  break  up  a  few  feathers," 


502  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

I  groaned  aloud,  and  mentally  groped  round  for 
aid,  and  instinctively  ketched  holt  of  religion. 

Sez  I,  "  Elder  Minkley  is  here,  Josiah  Allen,  and 
Deacon  Henzy — Jonesville  church  is  languishin'  in 
debt.  Is  this  a  time  for  feathers?  What  will  they 
think  on't  ?  If  you  can  spend  money  for  silk  scarfs 
and  plumes,  they'll  expect  you,  and  with  good 
reason,  too,  to  raise  the  debt  on  the  meetin'-house." 

He  paused.  Economy  prevailed ;  what  love 
couldn't  effect  or  common  sense,  closeness  did. 

His  brow  cleared  from  its  anxious,  ambitious 
creases,  and  sez  he,  "  Wall,  do  come  on  and  less  be 
goin," 


CHAPTER  XVII. 

It  rained  some  in  the  mornin',  and  Josiah  said, 
"That  it  wuz  presumptious  for  any  one  to  go  out 
onto  the  Fair  ground  in  such  a  time." 

So  he  settled  down  with  the  last  Sunday's  World, 
which  he  hadn't  had  time  to  read  before,  and 
looked  and  acted  as  if  he  wuzn't  goin'  to  stir  out  of 
his  tracks  in  some  time. 

But  I  went  out  onto  the  stoop  and  kinder  put  my 
hand  out  and  looked  up  into  the  clouds  clost,  and  I 
see  that  it  didn't  do  no  more  than  to  mist  some,  and 
I  felt  as  if  it  wuz  a-goin'  to  clear  off  before  long. 

So  I  said  that  I  wuz  a-goin'  to  venter  out. 

Josiah  opposed  me  warmly,  and  brung  up  the 
dangers  that  might  befall  me  with  no  pardner  to 
protect  me. 

He  brung  up  a  hull  heap  on  'em  and  laid  'em 
down  in  front  of  me,  but  1  calmly  walked  past  'em, 
and  took  down  my  second-best  dress  and  bunnet, 
and  a  good  deep  water-proof  cape,  and  sot  off. 

Wall,  I  got  to  the  hair  ground  with  no  casualties 
worth  mentionin',  and  1  sauntered  round  there  with 


504 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 


my  faithful  umbrell  as  my  only  gardeen,  and  see  a 
sight,  and  took  considerable  comfort. 

I  had  a  good  honorable  lunch  at  noon,  and  I  wuz 
a-standin'  on  the  steps  of  one  of  the  noble  palaces, 
when  I  see  a  sedan  chair  approachin'  shaped  jest 
like  them  in  my  old  Gography,  borne  by  two  of 
the  men  who  carry  such  chairs.  Curius-lookin' 
creeters  they  be,  with  their  gay  turbans  and  sashes, 
and  long  colored  robes  lookin'  some  like  my  long 
night-gowns,  only  much  gaver-lookin'. 

As  it  approached  nearer  I  see  a  pretty  girlish  face 
a-lookin'  out  of  the  side  from  the  curtains  that  wuz 
drawed  away,  a  sweet  face  with  a  smile  on  it. 

And  I  sezto  myself,  "  There  is  a  good,  wholesome- 
lookin'  girl,  who  don't  care  for  the  rain  no  more  than 
I  do,"  when  I  heard  a  man  behind  me  say  in  a  awe- 
strucken  voice,  "  That  is  the  Princess  !  that  is  the 
Infanty  !" 

And  I  sez  to  myself,  here  is 
a  chance  to  put  yourself  right  in 
her  eyes.  For  I  wuz  afraid  that 
she  would  think  that  I  hadn't 
done  right  by  her  sence  she 
come  over  from  Spain  to  see  us. 
And  I  didn't  want  her  to  go 
back  with  any  false  impressions. 
I   wranted   Spain   to   know   jest 


6^7 


He  wuzn't  goin'  tq  stir. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S    FAIR.  505 

where  I   stood  in    matters  of  etiquette  and  polite- 


So  it  happened  jest  right — she  descended  from 
her  chair  and  stood  wait- 
in'  on   the  steps  for  the 
rest  of  her  folks,  I  guess. 

A  n  d  I  approached 
with  good  nater  in  my 
mean,  and  mv  umbrell  in 
my  hand, 

And  sez  I,  a-holdin' 
out  my  hand  horsepita- 
bly,  sez  I,  "  Ulaley,  I  am 
dretful  glad  of  a  chance 
to  sec  you."  Sez  T, 
"  You  have  had  so  much 


There  is  a  good,  wholesome- 
lookin'  girl." 


company  ever  sence  you 

come   to  America,  that    I    hain't  had  no  chance  to 

pay  attention  to  you  before. 

"  And  1  wanted  to  see  you  the  worst  kind,  and 
tell  you  jest  the  reason  I  hain't  invited  you  to  my 
house  to  visit."  Sez  T,  a-bowin'  deep,  "Iamjosiah 
Allen's  Wife,  of  Jonesville." 

"Of  Jonesville  ?"  sez  she,  in  a  silver  voice. 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  ;  "  Jonesville,  in  the  town  of  Lyme." 

Sez  I,  "  You  have  probable  read  my  books, 
Ulaley."     Sez  I,  "  I  spoze  they  are  devoured  all  over 


$of>  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

the  World  as  eager  as  Ruger's  Arithmetic,  or  the 
English  Reader." 

She  made  a  real  polite  bow  here,  and  I  most  knew 
from  her  looks  that  she  wuz  familiar  with  'cm. 

And  I  kep  right  on,  and  sez  I — 

"  From  everything  that  I  have  hearn  on  you  ever 
sence  you  come  here  I  have  took  to  you,  jest  as  the 
hull  of  the  rest  of  America  has.  We  think  a  sight 
on  you — you  have  shown  a  pattern  of  sweetness,  and 
grace,  and  true  politeness,  that  is  long  to  be  re- 
membered. 

"And  1  want  you  to  know  that  the  only  reason 
that  1  hain't  invited  you  to  Jonesville  to  visit  me 
is  that  you  have  had  such  sights  and  sights  of  com- 
pany and  invitations  here  and  there,  that  I  told 
Josiah  that  I  wouldn't  put  another  effort  onto  you. 

"  I  sez  to  him,  sez  1,  'There  are  times  when  it  is 
greater  kindness  to  kinder  slight  anybody  than  it  is 
to  make  on  'em.'  And  I  told  Josiah  that  though  I 
would  be  tickled  enough  to  have  you  come  and  stay 
a  week  right  along,  and  though,  as  I  sez  to  him, 

"  'The  Infanty  may  feel  real  hurt  to  not  have  me 
pay  no  attention  to  her,'  still  I  felt  that  I  had  Right 
on  my  side. 

"Sez  I,  '  It  is  enough  to  kill  a  young  woman  to 
have  to  be  on  the  go  all  the  time,  as  she  has  had  to.' 
Sez  I,  'The  American  Eagle  has  jest  driv  her  about 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  507 

from  pillar  to  post.  And  Uncle  Sam  has  most 
wore  his  old  legs  out  a-escortin'  her  about  "fiom 
pleasure  to  palaces,"  as  the  Him  reads.' 

"  And  then,  sez  I,  '  She  has  had  considerable 
to  do  with  Ward  McAllister,  and  he's  dretful 
wearin'.' 

"  He's  well-meanin',  no  doubt,  and  I  have  a  good 
deal  of  sympathy  for  him.  For,  as  I  told  Josiah,  he's 
gittin'  along  in  years,  and  I  don't  know  what  per- 
vision  eternity  would  give  to  him  in  the  way  of  en- 
tertainment and  use.  He  can't  expect  to  go  on 
there  to  all  eternity  a-samplin'  wine,  and  tvin'  neck- 
ties, and  makin'  button-hole  bokavs. 

"And  I  don't  suppose  that  he  will  be  allowed  to 
sort  out  the  angels,  and  learn  'em  to  bow  and  walk 
backwards,  and  brand  some  on  'em  four  hundred, 
and  pick  out  a  few  and  brand  'em  one  hundred,  and 
keep  some  on  'em  back,  and  let  some  on 'em  in,  and 
act. 

"  I  d'no  what  is  a-goin'  to  be  done  in  the  next  world, 
the  home  of  eternal  Truth  and  Realities,  with  a  man 
who  has  spent  his  hull  life  a-smoothin'  out  and  var- 
nishin'  the  husks  of  life,  and  hain't  paid  no  atten- 
tion to  the  kernel. 

"  I  Ie  tires  America  dretful,  Ward  duz,  and  I  spoze 
like  as  not  he'd  be  still  more  tuckerin'  to  Spain,  not 
bein'  used  to  him.  and  then,  too,  she's  smaller,  Spain 


508  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

is,  and  mebby  can't  stand  so  much  countin'  and 
actin'.  So,  as  I  said  to  Josiah,  '  The  Infanty  is 
a-havin'  a  hard  time  on't  with  the  Ward  McAllisters 
of  society  ; '  for,  sez  I,  '  Though  she  lias  set  'em  a  pat- 
tern of  simple  courtesy  and  good  manners  every 
time  she's  had  a  chance,  I  knew  them  four  hundred 
well  enough  to  know  that  it  wouldn't  be  took.'  I 
knew  that  the  American  Republic,  as  showed  out  by 
Ward  McAllister  and  his  'postlcs,  wouldn't  be  con- 
tented to  use  the  simple,  quiet  courtesy  of  a  Royal 
Princess. 

"  No  ;  I  knew  America  and  Jonesville  would  have 
to  see  'em  a-goin'  on,  and  actin',  and  a-plannin'  which 
foot  ort  to  be  advanced  first,  and  how  many  long 
breaths  and  how  many  short  ones  could  be  genteelly 
drawed  by  'em  durin'  a  introduction,  and  how  many 
buttons  their  gloves  must  have,  and  how  many 
inches  the  tops  of  their  heads  ort  to  come  from  the 
floor  when  they  bowed,  and  whether  their  little 
fingers  ort  to  be  held  still,  or  allowed  to  move  a 
little. 

"  And  while  Ward  and  his  'postles  was  drawTed  up 
in  a  line  on  one  side  of  the  ball-room,  and  not 
dastin'  to  move  hand  or  foot  for  fear  they  wouldn't 
be  moved  genteel,  you  got  dead  tired  a-waitin'  for 
'em  to  make  a  move  of  some  kind. 

"It  wuz  a  weary,  tuckerin'  sight  to  America  and 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  509 

me,  and  must  have  been  dretful  for  you  to  gone 
through. 

"  And  I  sez  to  Josiah,  '  It  is  no  wonder  that  the  In- 
fanty  got  so  tired  of  them  performances  that  she 
had  to  set  down  and  rest. 

"It  tired  America  so  a-seein'  'em  a-pilotin'  the 
party  that  she  would  have  been  glad  to  have  sot 
down  and  rested. 

"  Now  if  I'd  invited  you,  Ulaley,  as  I  wanted  to,  I 
wuzn't  a-calculatin'  to  draw  up  Josiah  and  the  hoys 
and  Ury  on  one  side  of  the  room,  and  the  girls  and 
myself  in  a  line  on  the  other  side,  and  not  dastin'  to 
advance  and  welcome  you  for  fear  I  wouldn't  put  the 
right  foot  out  first,  or  wouldn't  put  in  the  right 
number  of  breaths  a  second  I  ort  to. 

"No  ;  I  should  have  forgot  myself  in  the  pleasure 
of  welcomin'  you.  I  should  have  advanced  to  once 
with  pride  and  welcome  in  every  line  of  my  lini- 
ment, and  held  out  my  hand  in  a  respectful  and 
joyful  greetin',  and  let  you  know  in  every  move  I 
made  how  proud  and  glad  I  wuz  to  see  you,  and 
how  proud  and  glad  I  wuz  you  could  see  me, 
and  then  I  should  have  introduced  Josiah  and  the 
children,  who  would  have  showed  in  their  happy 
faces  how  truly  welcome  you  wuz  to  Jonesville. 
You'd've  enjoyed  it  first  rate,  Ulaley,  and  if  there 
had  been   any  difference  in  our  manners  from  what 


510  SAM.ANTIIA    AT    THE    WOULD  S    FAIR. 

you'd  been  used  to,  and  we  might  have  made  a  bow 
or  two  less  than  you  wuz  accustomed  to,  why, 
your  good  sense  would  have  told  you  that  manners 
in  Jonesville  wuz  different  from  Madrid,  and  you'd 
expect  it  and  enjoy  the  difference,  mebby. 

"  Of  course,  I  knew  that  we  couldn't  do  by  you 
exactly  as  they  do  in  Spain  in  the  way  of  amuse- 
ment— we  couldn't  git  up  no  bull  fight,  not  havin' 
the  two  materials. 

"  But  Josiah  has  got  a  old  pair  of  steers  down  in 
our  back  medder  that  was  always  touchy  and  kinder 
quarrelsome.  They  are  gittin'  along  in  years,  but 
mebby  there  is  some  fight  left  in  'em  yet. 

"  I  think  like  as  not  that  Josiah  and  Ury  could 
have  got  'em  to  kinder  backin'  up  and  kickin'  at 
each  other,  and  act  in'. 

"  I  wouldn't  gin  a  cent  to  seen  it  go  on,  but  it 
would  have  been  interestin',  I  hain't  a  doubt  on't,  to 
them  that  wuz  gin  to  that  sort  o'  things. 

"But,  as  I  sez,  I  wouldn't  put  it  on  you,  Ulaley." 

The  Infanty  looked  real  pleasant  here  —  she 
almost  laughed,  she  looked  so  amiable  at  me  ;  she 
realized  well  that  she  wuz  a-meetin'  one  of  the  first 
wimmen  of  the  nation,  and  that  woman  wuz  a-doin' 
well  by  her. 

"  But,  as  I  say,  Ulaley,  I  knew  that  it  wuz  too 
hard  for  you.      I  knew  that   between  them  Ward 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  5  I  1 

McAllisters  of  society,  and  the  hosts  of  your  honest 
admirers,  from  Uncle  Sam  down  to  Commander 
Davis  and  Miss  Mayor  Gilroy,  you  wuz  fairly 
heat  out.  And  I  wouldn't  put  you  to  the  extra 
effort  of  comin'  to  Jonesville.  I  hated  to  give  it 
up,  hut  Duty  made  me,  and  I  want  you  to  under- 
stand it  and  to  explain  it  all  out  to  Spain  jest  how 
it  wuz." 

She  smiled  real  sweet,  and  said  she  would,  and 
she  said  "that  she  appreciated  my  thoughtful  kind- 
ness." 

She  wuz  too  much  of  a  lady  to  talk  about  them 
that  had  entertained  her. 

And  I  spoze  she  had  been  entertained  through 
them  New  York  parties.  She's  quite  a  case  for  fun, 
and  we  got  to  feelin'  real  well  acquainted  with  each 
other,  and  congenial. 

She  looked  dretful  pretty  as  she  looked  out  side- 
ways at  me  and  smiled.      She's  as  pretty  as  a  pink. 

And  sez  she,  "  You  are  very  kind,  madam  ;  I 
highly  appreciate  your  goodness." 

"Yes,"  sez  I,  "it  wuz  nothin'  but  goodness  that 
kep  me  back,  for  Josiah  and  I  both  think  our  eyes 
on  you,  both  as  a  smart,  pretty  woman,  and  a 
representative  of  that  country  that  wuz  the  means 
of  discoverin'  us." 

And  sez  I  with  a  shudder,  andaskairful  look  onto 


512  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 

me,  "  I  can't  bear  to  think  of  the  contingency  to  not 
had  jonesville  and  Chicago  discovered,  to  say 
nothin'  of  the  rest  of  the  World. 

"  But,"  sez  T,  "  my  anxiety  to  put  myself  right  in 
your  eyes  has  run  away  with  my  politeness."  Sez  I, 
"  How  is  all  your  folks  ?"  Sez  I,  "  How  is  little  Al- 
phonso  ?  We  think  a  sight  of  that  hoy  here,  and 
his  Ma.  She's  a-bringin'  him  up  first  rate,  and  you 
tell  her  that  T  think  so.      It  will  encourage  her. 

"  And  how  is  your  Ma  ?"  sez  I  ;  and  then  I  kinder 
backed  out  polite  from  that  subject,  and  sez  I.  "  I 
dare  presoom  to  say  that  she  has  her  good  qualities; 
and  mebby,  like  all  the  rest  of  the  world,  she  has  her 
drawbacks." 

And  then  a  thought  come  onto  me  that  made 
me  blush  with  shame  and  mortification,  and  sez  I, 
"  I  hain't  said  a  word  about  your  husband."  Sez  I, 
"  I  have  said  that  I  would  pay  particular  attention 
to  that  man  if  I  come  in  sight  on  him,  and  here  I 
be,  jest  like  the  rest  of  America,  not  payin'  him  the 
attention  that  I  ort,  and  leavin'  him  a-standin'  up 
behind  you,  as  usual. 

"  How  is  Antoine  ?"  sez  I. 

She  said  that  "  He  was  very  well." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  am  glad  on't  ;  from  everything 
that  America  and  I  can  learn  of  him  he  is  a  good  fel- 
ler— a  manly,  good-appearin',  good-actin'  young  man. 


SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  513 

"  And  America  and  I  wish  you  both  dretful  well — 
you  and  Spain.  We  think  dretful  well  of  all  of  you ; 
and  now,"  sez  I,  with  some  stateliness,  "  I  am  a-goin' 
to  withdraw  myself,  and  not  tire  you  out  any  more." 

And  so  we  shook  hands  cordial,  and  said  good- 
bye, and  I  proceeded  to  withdraw  myself,  and  I  wuz 
jest  a-backin'  off,  as  I  make  a  practice  of  doin'  in  my 
interviews  with  Royalty,  when  Duty  gin  me  a  sharp 
hunch  in  my  left  side,  and  I  had  to  lock  arms  with 
her,  and  approach  the  Infanty  agin  on  a  delicate 
subject. 

I  hated  to,  but  I  had  to. 

Sez  I,  "  Ulaley,  I  want  you  to  forgive  me  for  it  if 
you  feel  hurt,  but  there  is  one  subject  that  I  feel  as 
if  I  want  to  tackle  you  on." 

Sez  I,  "You've  acted  like  a  perfect  lady,  and  a 
sampler  of  all  womanly  and  royal  graces,  ever  sence 
you  come  over  here  a-visitin',  good  enough  to  frame," 
sez  I,  "  and  hang  up  in  our  heart  of  hearts. 

"And  there  hain't  but  one  fault  that  I  have  got 
to  find  with  you,  and  I  want  to  tell  you  plain  and 
serious,  jest  as  I'd  love  to  have  your  folks  tell  Tirzah 
Ann  if  she  should  go  over  to  Spain  to  represent 
Jonesville— 

"  I  want  to  say,  jest  as  kind  as  I  can  s;i\r,  that  if  I 
wuz  in  your  place  I  wouldn't  smoke  so  much. 

44  I  want  to  tell  you  that  if  my  girl,  Tirzah  Ann, 


5T4  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

should  ever  go  to  Spain  under  the  circumstances  I 
speak  on,  and  should  light  up  her  pipe  in  the  Es- 
curial,  I  should  want  you  to  put  it  out  for  her. 

"  I  hate  to  have  you  smoke,  Ulaley — I  hate  to  like 
a  dog.  Of  course,"  sez  I,  in  reasonable  axents,  "if 
you  wanted  to  smoke  a  little  mullen  or  catnip  for 
the  tizik,  I  wouldn't  mind  it ;  but  cigaretts  are  dret- 
ful  onhealthy,  and  I'm  afraid  that  they  will  under- 
mind  your  constitution.  And  I  think  too  much  on 
you,  Ulaley,  to  want  you  underminded." 

She  smiled,  and  said  sunthin'  about  its  bein'  the 
custom  of  her  country. 

And  I  looked  real  pleasant  at  her,  but  firm,  and 
sez  I,  "  Customs  has  to  be  gone  aginst  by  true  Re- 
formers, and  Prophets,  Ulaley."  Sez  I,  "  Four  hun- 
dred years  ago  it  wuzn't  the  custom  of  the  coun- 
tries to  discover  new  worlds. 

"  But  your  illustrious  countryman  branched  out 
and  stemmed  the  tide  of  popular  disfavor,  and  found 
a  grand  New  Land. 

"  New  Worlds  lay  before  all  onus,  Ulaley — we 
can  sail  by  'em  on  the  winds  of  popular  favor  and 
old  custom,  or  we  can  stem  the  tide  and  row  aginst 
the  stream,  and,  'Go  in  and  take  the  country.' 

"  You  don't  know  what  good  lays  in  your  power 
to  do,  Ulaley,  you  sweet  young  creeter  you,  and 
now  God  bless  vou,  and  2:ood-bve." 


"I    HATE    TO    HAVE    YOU    SMOKE,    UlALEY-I    HATE   TO    LIKE    A    DOG. 


5  l6  SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

There  wuz  a  tear  standin'  in  every  one  of  my  eyes 
as  I  said  it,  for  a  hull  tide  of  emotions  from  four 
hundred  years  past  to  the  present  swashed  up 
aginst  me  as  I  grasped  holt  of  her  pretty  hand, 
and  we  parted. 

She  looked  real  tender-hearted  and  good  at  me, 
as  if  she  liked  me,  and  as  if  her  heart  leaned  up 
aginst  my  heart  real  clost. 

(What  duz  Ward  McAllister  and  his  'postles 
know  of  such  rapt  moments  ?) 

Her  escort  driv  up  in  two  carriages  jest  then,  and 
I  left  her,  and  as  I  went  down  the  steps  on  the 
other  side  I  heard  her  talkin'  volubly  to  'em — 
a-describin'  the  great  seen  that  had  took  place  be- 
tween us,  I  dare  say. 

They  wuz  pleased  with  it,  I  could  see  they  wuz 
fairly  a-laughin',  they  wuz  so  edified  and  highly 
tickled.  Yes,  Spain  realizes  it,  my  makin'  so  much 
on't. 

Wall,  I  didn't  stay  much  longer,  for  weariness, 
and  also  the  cords  of  affection,  wuz  a-drawin'  me 
back  to  Miss  Planks. 

Wall,  the  days  and  weeks  wuz  a-wearin'  away, 
and  Josiah  and  I  wuz  a-enjoyin'  ourselves  first  rate. 

The  children,  and  Isabelle,  and  Krit  wuz  a-havin' 
jest  as  good  a  time,  too,  as  four  smart  young  folks 
can  have. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  $lj 

Their  minds  wuz  naterallv,  all  four  on  'em,  as 
bright  as  a  new  dollar,  and  they  had  been  enriched 
and  disciplined  by  culture  and  education,  so  there 
wuz  good  soil  indeed  for  the  marvellous  seed  sowed 
here  to  spring  up  in  a  bountiful  harvest. 

They,  all  four  on  'em,  enjoyed  more  than  any- 
thing else  the  Congresses,  and  meetin's  of  the  differ- 
ent societies  of  the  world,  for  noble,  and  humane, 
and  philanthropic  interests. 

And  as  for  me,  if  I  wuz  to  be  made  to  tell  at  the 
pint  of  the  sword  what  I  thought  wuz  the  very  best 
and  most  glorious  product  of  the  World's  Colum- 
bian Fair,  I  would  say  I  thought  it  wuz  these 
orations,  and  debates,  by  the  brightest  men  and 
wimmen  on  earth,  congregated  at  Columbuses 
doin's. 

Thev  wuz  the  wreaths  of  the  verv  finest,  sweetest 
blossoms  that  crowned  Uncle  Sam's  old  brow  this 
glorious  summer  of  1893. 

The  most  advanced  thought  on  religion,  art, 
science,  philanthropy,  and  every  branch  of  these 
noble  and  riz-up  subjects  wuz  listened  to  there  by 
my  own  rapt  and  orstruck  ears.  And  not  only  the 
good  and  eloquent  of  my  own  Christian  race,  but 
Moslem,  Buddhist,  and  1  Iindoo.  Teachers  of  every 
religious  and  philosophical  system  wuz  heard,  givin' 
friendly  idees,   and    dretful    riz-up    ones,   on    every 


5 18  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

subject  designed  to  increase  progress,  prosperity,  and 
the  peace  of  mankind. 

What  subjects  could  be  bigger  than  these,  and 
more  important  to  the  World  and  Jonesville?  Not 
any  ;  not  one. 

And  what  solid  comfort  I  took  through  the  hull 
caboodle  of  'em — Peace  Societies,  Temperance, 
Wimmen's  Rights,  Sabbath  Schools,  Kindergarten, 
Christian  Science,  Woman's  protective  union, 
Improvement  in  dress,  etc.,  etc.,  and  etcetry. 

I  sot  happy  as  a  queen  through  'em  all,  and  so 
did  the  girls,  a-listenin'  to  every  topic  hearn  on  the 
great  subject  of  makin'  the  old  world  happier  and 
better  behaved 

Josiah  didn't  seem  to  care  so  much  about  it. 

He  would  often  excuse  himself — sometimes  he 
would  have  a  headache,  but  most  always  his  head- 
aches would  improve  so  that  he  could  git  out  into 
the  city  somewhere  or  onto  the  Fair  ground.  lie 
would  most  always  recooperate  pretty  soon  after 
we  started  to  the  Congress,  or  Lecture  Hall,  or 
wherever  our  intellectual  treat  wuz. 

And  when  I'd  come  home  I'd  find  him  pretty 
chipper. 

And  then  often  the  children  would  come  after  us 
in  a  carriage  and  take  us  all  over  the  city  and  out 
into  the  suburbs,  and    display  all  the   strange   sights 


SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 


519 


to  us,  or  they  would  take  us  to  the  beautiful  parks, 
through  the  long,  smooth,  beautiful  boulevards. 

And  no  city  in  the  world  can  go  ahead  of  Chicago 
in  this,  or  so  it  seems  to  me— the  number  and 
beauty  of  their  parks,  and  the  approaches  to  them. 
There  wuz  a  considerable  number  of  railroads  to 
cross,  and  I  wuz  afraid  of  bein'  killed  time  and  agin 
a-crossin'  of  'em,  and  would  mention  the  fact 
anon,  if  not  oftener  ;  but  I  didn't  git  killed,  not 
once. 

Wall,  so  Time  run  along  ;  roses  and  ripe  fruit 
wreathed  his  old  hour-glass,  and  we  didn't  hardly 
realize  how  fast  he  wuz  a-swingin'  his  old  scythe, 
and  how  rapid  he  was  a-walkin'. 

Isabelle  had  promised  to  come  and  stay  a  week 
with  me  jest  as  soon  as  a  room  was  vacant. 

And  so  the  day  that  Gertrude  Plank  left  I  writ  a 
affectionate  note  to  her,  and  reminded  her  of  her 
promise,  and  that  I  should  expect  her  that  evenin' 
without  fail. 

I  sent  the  note  in  the  mornin', 
and  at  my  pardner's  request,  and 
also  agreeable  to  my  own  wishes, 
we  meandered  out  into  the  Fair 
grounds  agin. 

There  wuz  a  number  of  things 
that  we   hadn't    seen    yet,    and    so 


SOMETIMES     HE    WOULD 
HEADACHE 


520  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

there  would  have  been  if  we  had  stayed  there  a 
hull  year. 

But  that  day  we  thought  we  would  tackle  the 
Battle  Ship,  so  we  went  straight  to  it  the  nearest  way. 

Wall,  as  I  looked  off  and  got  a  plain  view  of  the 
Illinois,  it  was  headed  towards  me  jest  right,  and  I 
thought  it  wuz  shaped  some  like  my  biggest  flat- 
iron,  or  sad-iron,  as  some  call  'em. 

And  I  don't  know  why,  I  am  sure,  unless  it  is 
because  wimmen  are  middlin'  sad  when  they  git  a 
big  ironin'  in  the  clothes-basket,  and  only  one  pair 
of  hands  to  do  it,  and  mebby  green  wood,  or  like 
as  not  have  to  pick  up  their  wood,  only  jest  them 
arms  to  do  it  all,  them  and  their  sad-irons. 

Wall,  as  I  say,  it  wuz  headed  jest  right,  so  it  did 
look  shaped  for  all  the  world  like  that  old  flat-iron 
that  fell  on  to  me  from  Mother  Allen. 

Of  course  it  wuz  bigger,  fur  bigger,  and  had  a 
hull  string  of  flags  hitched  from  each  end  on't  to 
the  middle.  Wall,  it  wuz  a  high,  good-lookin'  banner 
a-risin'  out  and  perched  on  top  of  a  curius-lookin' 
smoke-stack. 

And  for  all  the  world,  if  that  line  of  flags  didn't 
look  some  like  a  line  of  calico  clothes  a-hangin'  out 
to  dry,  hitched  up  in  the  middle  to  the  top  of  the 
cherry-tree,  and  then  dwindlin'  down  each  end  to 
the  corner  of  the  house,  and  the  horse  barn. 


Come  to  pry  into  things,  and  look  about  and  find  out,  that 
wuzn't  a  real  ship  a-sailin'  round. 


522  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

But  I  wouldn't  have  that  Battle-Ship  git  wind 
on't  that  I  compared  it  to  clothes-lines,  and  Hat- 
irons,  not  for  a  dollar  bill  ;  for  battle-ships  are  nat- 
erally  ferocious,  and  git  mad  easy. 

There  wuz  sights  of  good-lookin'  iiags  lusted  up 
at  one  end  on't,  besides  the  clothes-line  full,  and  lots 
of  men  a-standin'  round  on't. 

They  didn't  seem  to  act  a  mite  afraid,  and  I  don't 
spoze  I  ort  to  be. 

But  lo  and  behold  !  come  to  pry  into  things,  and 
look  about  and  find  out,  as  the  poet  scz,  that  wuzn't 
a  real  ship  a-sailin'  round,  as  it  looked  like,  but  it 
wuz  built  up  on  what  they  call  pilin' — jest  as  if  Jo- 
siah  should  stick  sticks  up  on  the  edge  of  the  creek, 
and  build  a  hen-house  on  'em,  or  anything. 

It  is  a  exact  full-sized  model,  three  hundred  and 
forty-eight  feet  long,  of  one  of  the  new  coast-line 
battle-ships  now  a-bein'  built  for  the  safety  and  pro- 
tection of  our  country,  at  a  cost  of  about  three  mill- 
ion dollars  each. 

The  imitation  ship  is  built  on  the  lake  front  at 
the  northeastern  point  of  Jackson  Park.  It  is  all 
surrounded  with  water,  and  has  all  the  appearance 
of  bein'  moored  to  the  wharf. 

It  has  all  the  fittin's  that  belong  to  the  actual 
ship,  and  all  the  appliances  for  wTorkin'  it. 

Officers,    seamen,    marines,    mechanics,    are   sent 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  523 

there  by  the  navy  department,  and  the  discipline 
and  way  of  life  on  a  naval  vessel  is  fully  shown. 

1  wuz  glad  to  see  that  it  had  a  woman  for  a  fig- 
ger-head. 

I  guess  that  the  nation  thought,  after  seein'  how 
Miss  Palmer  went  ahead  and  overcome  the  diffi- 
culties in  her  path,  and  kep  her  beautiful  face  se- 
rene, and  above  the  swashin'  waves  of  opposition  all 
the  time — they  thought  that  they  wuzn't  afraid  to 
let  a  woman  be  riz  up  on  their  ship,  a-lookin'  fur 
out  over  the  waters,  and  a-takin'  the  lead. 

It  looked  quite  well.  There  wuz  lots  of  lace- 
work  and  ornaments  about  her,  but  she  carried  her- 
self first  rate. 

Wall,  the  ship  as  a  hull  is  dretful  interestin'  to 
warriors  and  such,  and  mariners. 

As  for  me,  I  thought  more  of  statutes,  and  pic- 
tures, and  posies,  and  Josiah  didn't  take  to  it  so  much 
as  he  did  to  steers,  and  horse-rakes,  and  so  forth. 

But  good  land  !  in  such  a  time  as  this,  when  there 
is  everything  on  the  face  of  the  earth,  and  under  it, 
and  above  the  earth  to  see,  everybody  has  a  perfect 
right  to  suit  themselves  in  sights,  and  side  shows. 

Wall,  wre  stayed  there  for  some  time  a-lookin' 
round,  and  a-meditatin'  on  how  useful  this  ship  and 
others  like  it  would  be  in  case  another  war  should 
break  out,  and  how  them  ships  and  what  is  contain- 


524  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

ed  in  'em  would  be  the  means  of  savin'  America 
and  Jonesville. 

And  I  had  quite  a  number  of  emotions,  and  I 
guess  Josiah  did  too. 

And  then  we  kinder  sauntered  along  on  that 
broad,  smooth  path  by  the  side  of  Lake  Michigan, 
and  kinder  looked  off  onto  her  with  a  affectionate 
look,  and  neighbored  some  with  her. 

Her  waters  looked  dretful  peaceful  and  calm, 
after  seein'  everybody  in  the  hull  world,  and  hearin' 
every  voice  that  ever  wuz  hearn,  a-talkin'  in  everv 
language,  and  seein'  everv-  strange  costume  that  wuz 
ever  worn,  and  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

And  so  we  sauntered  along  till  we  got  to  the 
Casino,  and  Music  Hall  a-risin'  up  at  the  eastern  end 
of  the  grand  basin. 

We  had  laid  out  to  come  here  before,  and  should, 
most  probable,  if  the  hull  of  music  had  been  shet 
up  inside  of  that  tall,  impressive-lookin'  buildin' ; 
but  truly  music  had  cheered  our  souls  frequent  on 
our  daily  pilgrimages,  so  we  had  neglected  to 
pay  attention  to  the  Music  Hall  and  Casino  till 
now. 

Josiah  wuz  anxious  to  attend  to  it. 

And  I  myself  felt  that  Duty  drawed  me,  bein' 
quite  a  case  for  music, 

And    havin'   led  the  choir    for  years   before  my 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  525 

marriage  to  josiah  Allen,  and  havin'  married  a  man 
that  sez  he  can  sing. 

But  if  the  noise  he  makes  is  singin',  then  I  would 
be  willin'  to  say  that  I  never  had  riz  the  eight  notes, 
or  fell  'em  neither. 

But  he  sez  that  he  loves  music ;  and  he  had 
talked  quite  a  good  deal  to  me  about  the  Music 
Hall  and  Casino. 

That  Casino  didn't  sound  quite  right  ;  it  sounded 
sunthin'  like  "  Seven-Up"  and  "  Pedro,"  and  I  told 
him  so. 

But  he  said  that  "  it  wuz  all  right ;"  he  said  "  that 
it  wuz  took  from  the  Hebrew." 

But  I  believe  he  said  that  to  blind  my  eyes. 
Wall,  when  we  hove  in  sight  of  it  we  see  the  high 
towers  that  riz  up  above  it  some  distance  off,  with 
flags  a-comin'  kinder  out  of  it  on  both  sides,  some 
like  a  stupendious  pump,  with  handles  on  both 
sides  and  red  table-cloths  a-hangin'  over  'em,  but 
immense — immense  in  height. 

Wall,  I  spozed  it  would  look  as  well  agin  there 
as  the  Jonesville  Singin'  School,  and  be  fur  big- 
ger. 

But  good  land!  and  good  land! 

Why,  jest  the  entrance  to  them  buildin's  is 
enough  to  strike  the  most  careless  beholder  with  or. 
Such  pillows,  and  such  arches,  and  such  ornaments, 


526  SAMAN'TIIA    AT    tllK    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

I  never  expected  to  see  till  1  got  through  with  this 
planet  anyway. 

But  there  wuz  one  piece  of  sculpture  there  that 
when  I  see  it  I  instinctively  stopped  stun  still  and 
gazed  up  at  it  with  mingled  feelin's  of  pride  and 
sorrow. 

It  wuz  a  chariot  in  which  stood  the  Discoverer, 
a-lookin'  off,  fur-sighted,  and  determined,  and 
prophetic,  and  everything  else  that  could  be  ex- 
pected of  that  noble  Prophet  and  Martyr,  Columbus. 

The  chariot  wuz  drawn  by  four  high-headed  and 
likely  horses  as  I  ever  see.  But  alas  !  for  my  own 
sect. 

Two  noble  and  beautiful  wimmen  stood  a-walkin' 
afoot,  barefoot  too — stood  right  there  between 
the  horses,  each  one  a-holdin'  the  bits  of  two  of 
them  high-headed  beasts,  and  their  huffs  ready  to 
kick  at  'em.  They  didn't  look  afraid  a  mite,  so  I 
don't  know  as  I  need  to  worry  about  'em. 

But  I  couldn't  help  thinkin' — that  is  the  way 
that  it  has  always  been,  men  a-ridin'  the  chariots  of 
Power,  drawed  bv  satisfied  ambition,  and  enterprise, 
and  social  and  legal  powers,  and  the  wimmen 
a-walkin'  along  afoot  by  the  side  of  the  chariot,  and 
a-leadin'  the  horses. 

Bringin'  men  into  the  world,  nurturin'  'em,  com- 
fortin'  'em  through  life,  and  weepin' over  their  tomb. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  527 

Yes,  she  has  led  the  horse,  but  walked  afoot,  and 
the  stuns  have  been  sharp  and  cold  under  her  bare 
feet,  and  the  dust  from  the  chariot  has  riz  up  and 
blinded  her  sad  eves  time  and  agin,  so's  that  she 
couldn't  look  off  any  distance.  The  horses  have 
been  hard  bitted  ;  their  high  huffs  and  heads  drawed 
dretful  hard  at  the  bit  held  in  her  weak  grasp,  and 
she  has  been  kicked  a  good  deal  by  their  sharp 
huffs. 

On  the  two  off  horses  there  wuz  two  Aggers 
a-holdin'  up  high  gorgeous  banners  ;  of  course  they 
wuz  men,  and  of  course  the}'  wuz  ridin'. 

Three  men  a-ridin'  and  two  wimmen  a-walkin' 
afoot ;  it  didn't  seem  right. 

Not  that  I  begretched  Columbus — that  noble 
creeter — the  ease  he  had  ;  if  I'd  had  my  way  I'd 
had  a  good  spring  seat  fixed  onto  that  chariot,  so 
that  he  could  rid  a-settin'  down  ;  or,  at  any  rate, 
I'd  laid  a  board  acrost  it,  with  a  buffalo  robe  on't.  I 
wouldn't  had  him  a-standin'  up. 

It  hain't  because  I've  got  anything  aginst  Co- 
lumbus— no  indeed  ;  but  I  am  such  a  well-wisher 
of  my  own  sect  that  I  hate  to  see  'em  in  such  a 
try  in'  place. 

But  I  wuz  glad  of  one  thing,  and  mebby  that 
wuz  one  thing  that  made  them  poor  wimmen  look 
so  fearless  and  sort  of  riz  up. 


528 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


Theywuz  in  the  East — they  wuz  in  the  past  ;  the 
sun  wuz  a-movin'  along,  they  eould  fuller  its  rays 
along  into  the  golden  day.  Why, 
right  before  'em,  on  the  other  side  of 
the  basin,  with  only  a  little  water 
between  'em  that  would  soon  be 
crossed,  they  could  see  a  woman 
a-towerin'  up  a  hundred  feet,  in  plain 
view  of  all  the  countries  of  the  as- 
sembled world,  a-holdin'  in  her  out- 
stretched hand  the  emblems  of  Power 
and  Liberty. 

But  to  resoom  :  Josiah  and  I  had 
a  first-rate  time  there  at  that  Music 
Hall,  and  enjoyed  ourselves  first 
rate  a-hearin'  that  most  melodious  music,  though 
pretty  loud,  and  a-seein'  the  Musicianers  all 
dressed  up  in  the  gayest  colors,  as  if  they  wuz  offi- 
cers. 

And  truly  they  wuz.  They  marshalled  the  rank 
and  file  of  that  most  powerful  army  on  earth,  the 
grand  onseen  forces  of  melody,  that  vanquishes  the 
civilized  and  savage  alike,  and  charms  the  very 
beast  and  reptile. 

The  sweet  power  that  moves  the  world,  and  the 
only  earth  delight  that  we  know  will  greet  us  in 
the  land  of  the  Immortals. 


[STF.NIN     TO    THE    LOW 
SOBBIN'    MUSIC. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  529 

Truly  the  hour  we  spent  there  wuz  long,  long  to 
be  remembered. 

And  after  we  reluctantly  left  the  Hall  of  Melody, 
the  music  still  swelled  out  and  come  to  our  ears  in 
hauntin'  echoes. 

Josiah  had  wandered  away  to  a  little  distance  to 
see  sunthin'  or  rather  that  had  attracted  his  atten- 
tion, and  I  stood  still,  lost  in  thought,  and  almost 
by  the  side  of  myself,  a-listenin'  to  the  low,  sobbin' 
music  of  the  band. 

I  wuz  almost  by  the  side  of  myself  with  my 
rapt  emotions  when  I  hearn  a  voice  that  recalled 
me  to  myself — 

"  Drusilla,  I'm  clean  beat  out." 

"  Are  you,  Deacon  Sypher  ?  Wall,  it  is  because 
you  are  so  smart,  and  see  so  much." 

Truly,  thinkses  I,  it  don't  take  much  smartness  to 
see  much  in  this  place. 

But  instinctively  with  that  idee  come  the  thought 
— nobody  but  Drusilla  Sypher  could  or  would  make 
that  admirin'  remark. 

And  I  turned  and  advanced  onto  'em  with  a  calm 
mean. 

But  I  see  in  that  first  look  that  they  looked 
haggard  and  wan,  as  wan  agin  as  I  ever  see  'em 
look,  and  fur,  fur  haggarder.  They  looked  all 
broke  up,  and    their   clothes  looked  all  rumpled  up 


53Q 


SAMANTIIA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


and  seedy,  some  as  if  they  had  slept  in  'em  for  some 
weeks.  But  I  hain't  one  to  desert  old  friends  under 
any  circumstances,  so  I  advanced  onto  'em,  and  sez, 
with  a  mean  that  looked  welcomin'  and  glad — ■ 

"Why,  Drusilla  and  Deacon  Sypher,"  sez  I, 
"  how  glad  I  am  to  see  you  !  When  did  you  come  ? 
Have  you  been  here  long  ?" 

And  they  said  "  they  had  been  in  Chicago  some 
five  weeks." 

"  Is  that  so  ?"  sez  I.  "  And  how  have  you  enjoyed 
the  Fair  ?  I  spoze  you  have  seen  a  good  deal,  if 
you  have  been  here  so  long." 

Sez  Drusilly,  "  This  is  the  first  time  we  have  been 
on  to  the  Fair  ground." 

"  Why'ee  !"  sez  I,  "  what  wuz  the  matter  ?" 
She  turned  round,  and  see  that  Deacon  Sypher 
had  stopped  some  distance 
away  to  speak  to  my  pardner 
and  to  look  at  sunthin'  or 
ruther,  and  she  told  me  all 
about  it. 

She  said  that  the  Deacon 
had  thought  that  it  would  be 
cheaper  to  live  in  a  tent,  and 
cook  over  a  alcohol  lamp ; 
so  they  had  hired  a  cheap  tent, 
and  went  to  livin'  in  it. 


She 


IK    A     AWFUL    COLP. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  531 

But  a  hard  wind  and  rain-storm  come  up  the  very 
first  night,  and  blew  the  hull  tent  away  ;  so  they 
had  to  live  under  a  umbrell  the  first  night  in  a  hard 
rain. 

Wall,  she  took  a  awful  cold,  and  by  the  time  they 
got  the  tent  fastened  down  agin  she  wuz  down  with 
a  sore  throat  and  wuz  feverish,  and  couldn't  be  left 
alone  a  mi  nit,  so  the  doctor  said. 

So  the  Deacon  had  to  stay  with  her  night  and 
day,  and  change  poultices,  and  give  medicine,  etc., 
and  he  had  to  hire  porridges  made  for  her,  and 
things. 

There  wouldn't  any  of  the  campers  round  'em  do 
anything  for  'em  ;  for  he  had,  accordin'  to  his  own 
wishes,  got  right  into  a  perfect  nest  of  Prohibition- 
ists. The  Deacon  wuz  perfectly  devoted  to  the 
temperance  cause  himself — wouldn't  drink  a  drop  to 
save  his  life — and  dretful  bitter  and  onforgivin'  to 
them  that  drinked. 

But  it  happened  that  bottle  of  alcohol  for  their 
lamp  got  broke  right  onto  the  Deacon's  clothes. 
His  vest,  and  pantaloons,  and  coat  wuz  jest  soaked 
with  it  ;  so's  when  he  went  after  help  they  called 
him  an  old  soaker,  and  said  if  he'd  been  sober  the 
tent  wouldn't  have  broke  loose.  They  scorfed  at 
him  fearful,  and  wouldn't  do  a  thing  to  help 
him. 


532  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR. 

He  told  'em  he  wuz  a  striet  tetoteler,  and  hadn't 
drinked  a  drop  for  over  forty  years. 

And  they  said,  "  Git  out,  you  wretched  old  sot  ! 
You  smell  like  a  saloon  !" 

And  another  said,  "  Don't  tell  any  of  your  lies  to 
me,  when  jest  one  whiff  of  your  breath  is  enough 
to  make  a  man  reel." 

It  cut  the  Deacon  up  dretful  to  be  accused  of 
drinkin'  and  lyin'.  But  they  wouldn't  one  of  'em 
help  a  mite,  and  it  kep  him  boned  right  down 
a-waitin'  on  her. 

And  they,  jest  as  she  got  a  little  better,  there  come 
on  a  drizzlin'  rain,  and  it  soaked  right  down  through 
the  tent,  and  run  in  under  it,  so  they  wuz  a-drippin', 
both  on  'em. 

But  the  Deacon  took  it  worse  than  she  did,  for 
he  elevated  her  onto  their  trunks,  made  a  bed  up  on 
top  of  'em  for  her  as  well  as  he  could. 

But  he  got  soaked  through  and  through,  and  it 
brung  on  rumatiz,  and  he  couldn't  move  for  over 
nine  days.  And  the  doctors  said  that  his  case  wuz 
critical. 

Of  course  she  couldn't  leave  him,  and  havin'  to 
cook  over  a  alcohol  lamp,  it  kep  her  to  home  every 
minit,  even  if  he  could  be  left. 

So  she  said  they  got  discouraged,  and  their  bills 
run  up  so  high  for  doctors,  and  medicines,  and  plas- 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  533 

ters,  etc.,  that  they  calculated  to  break  up  tent  and 
go  and  board  for  a  few  days,  git  a  look  at  the  Fair, 
and  then  go  home. 

And  sez  she,  "  I  spoze  you  have  been  here  everv 
day." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  ;  "  we  would  have  a  nice  warm 
breakfast  and  supper  at  our  boardin'  place,  and  a 
good  comfortable  bed  to  sleep  in,  and  we  would  buy 
our  dinner  here  on  the  Fair  ground,  and  we  have 
kep  real  well." 

She  looked  enviously  at  me  out  of  her  pale  and 
haggard  face. 

Sez  she,  "  We  have  both  ruined  our  stomachs 
a-livin'  on  crackers  and  cheese.  I  shall  never  see  a 
well  day  agin  !  And  we  both  have  got  rumatiz 
for  life,  a-layin'  round  out-doors.  It  is  dangerous  at 
our  time  of  life,"  sez  she. 

"  What  made  you  do  it,  Drusilla  ?"  sez  I. 

"  Wall,"  she  said,  "  the  Deacon  wanted  to  ; 
he  thought  he  couldn't  afford  to  board  in  a  house  ; 
and  vou  know,"  sez  Drusilla,  "that  the  Deacon  is  a 
man  of  most  splendid  judgment." 

"  Not  in  this  case,"  sez  I. 

And  then,  at  my  request,  she  told  me  what  they 
had  paid  out  for  doctors  and  medicines,  and  it 
come  to  five  dollars  and  63  cents  more  than  Josiah 
and   I    had    paid   for  our  board,    and  gate  fees,  and 


534  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

everything.  And  that  didn't  count  in  the  cost  of 
their  two  dyspeptic  hoards,  or  their  agony  in  sick- 
ness and  sufferin',  or  their  total  loss  of  happiness 
and  instruction  at  the  Fair. 

When  we  reckoned  this  up  Drusilla  come  the 
nighest  to  disapprovin' of  the  Deacon's  management 
that  I  ever  knew  her  to.  She  sez,  and  it  wuz  strong 
language  for  Drusilla  Sypher  to  use — 

Sez  she,  "  If  it  had  been  any  other  man  but  Dea- 
con Sypher  that  had  done  this,  I  should  been  mad  as 
a  hen.  But  the  Deacon  is,  as  you  well  know,  Josiah 
Allen's  Wife,  a  wonderful  man." 

"Yes,"  sez  I,  "Drusilla,  1  know  it,  and  have 
known  it  for  some  time." 

She  looked  real  contented,  and  then.  I  sez — 

"Josiah  Allen  had  got  his  mind  all  made  up  to 
tent  out  durin' the  Fair.  But  I  broke  it  up,"  sez  I— 
"  I  broke  it  up  in  time  !" 

At  this  very  minit  Josiah  and  Deacon  Sypher 
come  back  to  us,  the  Deacon  a-limpin',  and  a-look- 
in'  ten  years  older  than  when  we  last  seen  him 
in  Jonesville.  And  my  pardner  pert,  and  upright, 
and  fat,  under  my  management. 

Wall,  we  four  stayed  together  the  rest  of  the 
day,  a-lookin'  at  one  thing  and  another. 

And  when  we  got  home  that  night,  lo  and  behold  ! 
Isabelle  had  come  jest  before  we  did. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  535 

And  supper  wuz  all  ready — or  dinner,  as  they  all 
called  it ;  hut  I  don't  know  as  it  makes  much  differ- 
ence when  you  are  hungry.  The  vittles  taste  jest 
about  the  same — awful  good,  anyway. 

We  wuz  pretty  late,  so  there  wuzn't  anybody  to 
the  table  but  jest  Isabelle  and  Josiah  and  me. 

And  we  three  had  a  dretful  good  visit  with  each 
other.      She  is  jest  as  sweet  as  a  rosey  in  June. 

I  make  no  matches,  nor  break  none.  But  I 
couldn't  help  tellin'  Josiah  Allen  in  confidence  from 
time  to  time  that  it  did  seem  to  me  that  Isabelle 
and  Mr.  Freeman  wuz  cut  out  for  each  other. 

Every  time  I  see  Isabelle — and  Krit  and  Thomas 
J.  had  often  made  some  app'intment  where  our 
family  party  could  all  meet — and  every  time  I  see 
her,  I  liked  her  better  and  better. 

And  Maggie,  who  of  course  had  seen  more  of  her 
than  I  had,  bein'  in  the  same  house  with  her,  she 
told  me  in  confidence,  and  in  the  Mexican  Exhibit, 
that  "  Isabelle  was  an  angel." 

No,   I  make  no  matches,  nor  break  none. 

But  1  happened  to  speak  soil  of  axidently  as  it 
were  to  Mr.  Freeman  one  day,  and  told  him  my 
niece  wuz  a-comin'  to  spend  a  week  with  me,  jest  as 
quick  as  Miss  Planks  step-sister's  daughter's  cousin 
got  away.  (Miss  Plank,  like  the  rest  of  Chicago 
freeholders,  had    relations  back    to    the   3d   and  4th 


$36  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

generation  come  onto  'em  like  flocks  of  ravenin' 
grasshoppers  or  locusses,  durin'  the  Fair.) 

And  I  sez — though  I  am  the  one  that  hadn't 
ort  to  say  it,  mebby — "  She  is  one  of  the  sweetest 
girls  on  earth." 

Sez  I,  "  I  call  her  a  girl,  though  1  spoze  I  ort  to 
call  her  a  woman,  for  she  is  one  in  years.  But  he- 
cause  she  hain't  never  been  married,"  sez  I  presently, 
"hain't,  no  reason  that  she  couldn't  be,  for  she  has 
had  offers,  and  offers,  and  might  be  married  any 
day  now. 

"But,"  sez  1,  "she  kep  single  from  duty  once, 
and  now  it  seems  to  be  from  choice." 

He  sort  of  smiled  with  his  eyes.  lie  wuz  used  to 
such  talk,  I  spoze.  Good  land  !  the  wimmen  all 
made  perfeet  fools  of  themselves  about  him. 

But  he  sez  in  his  pleasant  way,  "  I  shall  be  very 
glad  to  meet  your  nieee.  I  shall  be  sure  to  like 
her,  if  she  is  any  like  her  aunt." 

Pretty  admirin'  talk,  that  wuz.  But  good  land  ! 
Josiah  sot  right  there,  and  he  wuzn't  jealous  a  mite. 
Mr.  Freeman  wuz  young  enough  to  be  my  boy, 
anyway.  And  then  Josiah  knew  what  I  had  in  my 
mind. 

But  I  told  my  pardner  that  night,  sez  I — 

"  I  hain't  mentioned  Mr.  Freeman's  name  to  Isa- 
belle,   and    hain't  a-goin'   to  ;   for   one    reason,    she 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  537 

wouldn't  come  nigh  the  house  if  she  knew  what  I 
wuz  a-thinkin'  on,  and  for  another  reason,  I  am 
a-goin'  to  try  to  stop  a-thinkin'  on't.  He  took  it  so 
beautiful,  and  he  has  match-makers  a-besettin'  him 
so  much,  1  dare  presoom  to  say  he  mistrusted  what 
I  wuz  up  to  in  my  own  mind.  And,  like  as  not, 
Isabelle  wouldn't  look  at  him,  or  any  other  man, 
anyway. 

"  But  I  wouldn't  have  thought  on't  in  the  first 
place,"  sez  I,  "  if  Isabelle  hadn't  been  such  a  born 
angel,  and  seemed  cut  out  a  purpose  for  him  by 
Providence.      But  I  shall  try  to  stop  a-thinkin'  on't." 

And  sez  Josiah,  "  You  had  better  have  done  that 
in  the  first  place." 

Wall,  I  wuz  as  good  as  my  word.  I  didn't  say 
another  word  pro  nor  con.  But  I  kep  up  a-thinkin' 
inside  of  me,  bein'  but  mortal,  and  bavin'  two  eyes 
in  my  head. 

Wall,  as  I  say,  finally  Gertrude  Plank  had  left  her 
room  vacant,  and  our  niece  had  come  to  us  with  a 
cheerful  face  ami  one  small  trunk  full  of  necces- 
saries  for  her  week's  visit. 

I  call  her  our  niece,  though  she  wuzn't  quite  that 
relationship  to  us.  But  it  is  quite  hard  sometimes 
to  git  the  relationship  headed  right,  and  marshal  'em 
out  into  company  before  you — specially  when  they 
are  fifth  or  sixth  cousins. 


53-S  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

And  I  thought,  bein'  our  ages  wuz  such,  and  our 
affections  wuz  so  strong,  back  and  forth,  that  it 
would  be  jest  as  well  to  jest  use  that  plain  term 
aunt  and  uncle  and  niece — it  looked  better,  anyway, 
as  our  ages  stood.  And  I  didn't  think  it  wuz  any- 
thing wrong,  for  good  land  !  we  are  called  uncle 
and  aunt,  my  Josiah  and  me  are,  by  lots  of  folks 
that  hain't  no  sort  of  kin  to  us,  and  Isabelle  wuz 
related  to  us  anyway  by  kin  and  by  soul  ties. 

Wall,  to  resoom  :  the  evenin'  after  Isabelle  got 
there  it  wuz  burnin'  warm  in  my  room.  And  her 
room  wuz  still  worse,  way  up  on  top  of  the  house; 
but  it  wuz  the  best  room  that  we  could  git  for  her, 
and  she  wuz  contented  with  it  for  the  sake  of  bein' 
with  her  Uncle  josiah  and  me. 

After  we  got  up  from  the  supper-table — Mr. 
Freeman  wuz  away  that  day,  but  1  felt  free  to  take 
her  into  that  big,  cool  room,  and  so  we  went  into 
that  beautiful  place. 

And  then,  all  of  a  sudden,  as  Isabelle  stood  there 
in  front  of  that  pretty  girl  down  by  the  medder 
brook  amongst  the  deep  grasses — 

All  of  a  sudden  it  come  to  me  who  the  girl 
looked  like  :  it  wuz  Isabelle. 

As  she  stood  in  front  of  it,  in  her  long  white 
dress,  with  her  white  hands  clasped  loose  in  front 
of  her,  and    her  auburn  hair   pushed    back   careless 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS   FAIR.  -,39 

from  her  beautiful  face,  I  see  the  girl  in  the  picture, 
or  as  she  would  be  if  she  had  grown  refined  and 
beautiful  by  sorrow  and  a  sweet  patience  and  rea- 
sonableness, which  is  the  twin  of  Patience,  both  on 
'em  the  children  of  Pain. 

As  I  stood  there  a-lookin'  at  her  in  admiration 
and  surprise,  I  heard  a  sound  behind  me.  It 
wuzn't  a  cry  nor  a  sithe,  but  it  wuz  sunthin'  different 
from  both,  more  eager  like,  and  deadly  earnest,  and 
dumbfoundered. 

And  then  it  wuz  Mr.  Freeman's  voice  I  knew 
that  said — - 

"  My  God  !  am  I  a-dreamin'  ?" 

And  then  Isabelle  turned,  and  her  face  filled  with 
a  rapturous  surprise  and  joy,  and  everything. 

And  sez  she — - 

"  Tom  !" 

And  he  jest  rushed  forward,  and  in  a  secent  had 
her  in  his  arms.  And  I  bust  out  a-cryin\  and 
turned  my  back  to  'em,  and  went  out. 

But  it  wuzn't  more  than  a  few  minutes  before 
they  rapped  at  my  door,  and  their  faces  looked  like 
the  faces  of  two  angels  who  have  left  the  sorrows 
of  earth  and  got  into  Heaven  at  last. 

And  I  cried  agin,  and  Isabelle  cried  as  I  held 
her  in  my  arms  silently,  and  kissed  her  a  dozen 
times,  and   I  presoom  more. 


540  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

And  Mr.  Freeman  kissed  me  on  my  left  cheek, 
and  wrung  my  hand  that  hard  that  that  right  hand 
ached  hard  more'n  a  hour  and  a  half.  And  I  bathed 
it  in  arneky  and  water  long  enough  after  Isabelle 
had  gone  to  her  room,  and  Mr.  Freeman  to  hisen. 

For  till  this  mortal  has  put  on  immortality  folks 
have  to  eat  and  sleep,  and  if  their  hands  are  wrung 
half  off,  either  through  happiness  or  anger,  flesh, 
while  it  is  corruptible,  will  ache,  and  bones  will  cry 
out  if  most  crushed  down. 

But  arneky  relieved  the  pain,  and  the  light  of  the 
mornin'  showed  the  faces  of  these  reunited  lovers, 
full  of  such  a  radiant  bliss  that  it:  did  one's  soul 
good  even  to  look  at  'em. 

It  seems  that  Isabelle  had  told  him  in  that  long- 
ago  time  when  they  parted  that  she  wouldn't  keep 
up  a  correspondence  with  him.  She  felt  that  she 
had  ort  to  leave  him  free.  And  he  wuz  poor, 
and  he  would  not  fetter  her  with  a  memory  she 
might  perhaps  better  forgit.  Poor  things  !  lovin' 
and  half  broken-hearted,  and  both  hampered  with 
duties,  and  both  good  as  gold. 

So  they  parted,  she  to  take  care  of  her  feeble 
parents,  and  he  to  take  care  of  his  invalid  mother 
and  the  two  little  ones. 

But  lo  and  behold  !  after  they  had  lived  in  that 
Western  citv  for  a  few  vears,  Tom  a-workin'  hard  as 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  541 

he  could  to  keep  the  wolf  from  the  door,  and  from 
devourin'  the  three  helpless  ones,  his  brother 
returned  from  California  as  rich  as  a  Jew,  and  he 
took  his  two  little  girls  back  with  him  and  put  'em 
in  school,  and  give  Tom  the  money  to  start  in 
business,  and  he  wuz  fortunate  beyend  any  tellin'— 
got  independent  rich  ;  then  his  ma  wuz  took  sick 
and  died,  he  a-waitin'  on  her  devoted  to  the  very  last. 

Then,  heart-hungry  and  lonesome,  he  broke 
through  the  vow  he  had  made,  and  writ  to  Isabelle  ; 
but  Isabelle  had  gone  from  the  old  place — she  didn't 
git  the  letters. 

Then  he  writ  agin,  for  his  love  wuz  strong  and 
his  pride  weak — weak  as  a  cat.  True  Love  will 
always  have  that  effect  on  pride  and  resolve,  etc. 

But  no  answer  came  back  to  his  longin'  and 
waitin'  heart. 

And  then,  I  spoze,  Pride  kinder  riz  up  agin,  and 
he  said  to  himself  that  he  wouldn't  worry  her  and 
weary  her  with  letters  that  she  didn't  think  enough 
of  to  answer. 

And  he  had  about  made  up  his  mind  that  all  he 
should  ever  see  of  Isabelle  would  be  the  shadder  of 
her  beauty  in  the  girl  by  the  old  medder  bars, 
standin'  in  the  fresh  grasses,  by  the  laughin'  brook, 
all  lookin'  so  like  the  dear  old  farm  when  he  won 
her  love  so  long  ago. 


542  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

That  dead,  mute,  irresponsive  picture  wuz  more 
to  him  than  any  livin',  breathin'  woman  could  ever 
be. 

wSo  he  camped  down  before  it,  as  you  may  say,  for 
life — that  is,  he  thought  so  ;  but  Providence  wuz 
a-watchin'  over  him,  and  his  thoughtful,  unselfish 
kindness  to  a  stranger,  or  strangers,  wuz  to  be 
rewarded  with  the  prize  of  love  and  bliss. 

Wall,  the  World's  Fair  wuz,  I  spoze,  looked  on 
by  many  a  pair  of  glad  eyes.  Hearts  that  throbbed 
high  with  happiness  beat  on  through  them  majes- 
tic rooms.  But  happier  hearts  and  gladder  eyes 
never  glowed  and  rejoiced  in  'em  than  Isabelle's 
and  her  handsome  lover's. 

And  wuzn't  Krit  glad  ?  Wuzn't  he  glad  of  soul 
to  see  Isabelle's  happiness  ?  Yes,  indeed !  And 
Maggie  and  Thomas  Jefferson. 

Why,  of  course  we  wouldn't  sing  out  loud  in 
public,  not  for  anything.  We  knew  it  wouldn't 
do  to  go  along  the  streets  or  in  the  halls  and 
corridors  of  the  World's  Fair,  a-singin'  as  loud  as 
we  could— 

"Joy  to  the  World  !" 

Or,  "  What  amazin'  bliss  is  this  !"  or  anything 
else  of  that  kind — no,  we  wuz  too  well-bread  to 
attempt  it  ;  but  inside  of  us  we  jest  sung  for  joy, 
the  hull  set  and  caboodle  of  us. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  543 

All  but  Miss  Plank,  and  a  few  old  maids  and 
widders,  and  such,  who  mebby  had  had  hopes. 
Miss  Plank  looked  and  acted  as  flat  and  crushed 
down  as  one  of  her  favorite  cakes,  or  as  if  she 
wuz  a-layin'  under  her  own  sirname. 

She  said  she  hated  to  lose  the  profit  of  such  a 
boarder,  and  mebby  that  wuz  it — I  don't  say  it 
wuzn't.  But  this  I  know,  wimmen  will  keep  up 
hopes,  moles  or  no  moles,  and  age  has  no  power 
to  keep  out  expectations. 

But  I  make  no  insinuations,  nor  will  take  none. 
She  said  that  it  wuz  money  she  hated  to  lose,  and 
mebby  it  wuz. 

But  on  that  question  T  riz  up  her  hopes  agin, 
for  Mr.  Freeman  wuz  bound  on  bein'  married 
imegatly  and  to  once,  and  he  said  that  they 
would  remain  right  there  for  the  remainder  of  the 
year  at  least. 

Isabelle  hung  off,  and  wanted  to  go  back  to 
Jonesville  and  be  married  to  our  house,  as  I  warmly 
urged  'em  to. 

But  Mr.  Freeman,  lookin'  decided  and  firm  as 
anything  you  ever  see,   he  sez  to  Isabelle — ■ 

"  Do  you  suppose  I  am  ever  goin'  to  lose  sight 
of  you  agin  ?     No  indeed  !" 

And  I  sez,  "Wall,  come  right  home  with  us  to 
Jonesville,  and  keep  your  eyes  on  her." 


544  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

I  wuz  as  happy  as  a  king,  and  he  knew  it.  And 
he  thinks  a  sight  of  me,  for  it  wuz  through  me,  he 
sez,  that  their  meetin'  wuz  brought  about. 

He  didn't  say  he  wouldn't  do  that,  so  I  wuz 
greatly  in  hopes  that  that  would  be  the  way  it 
would  turn  out. 

I  thought  to  myself,  "Oh,  how  I  would  love  to 
have  'em  married  in  my  parlor,  right  back  of  the 
hangin'  lamp  !" 

The  semi-detatched  widder  said  she  got  a  letter 
about  that  time  bringin'  her  bad  news,  trials,  and  trib- 
ulations, so  it  wuzn't  to  be  wondered  that  she  looked 
sad  and  worried.  Mebby  she  did  git  such  a  let- 
ter. 

But  anyway  she  and  Miss  Plank  made  up  with 
each  other.  They  become  clost  friends.  Miss 
Plank  told  me,  "  She  loved  her  like  a  sister." 

And  the  semi-detatched  widder  told  me,  "  If  she 
ever  see  a  woman  that  she  thought  more  on  than 
she  did  her  own  mother,  it  wuz  Miss  Plank." 

Wall,  I  wuz  glad  enough  to  see  'em  reconciled, 
for  they  had  been  at  such  sword's  pints,  as  you  may 
say,  that  it  made  it  dretful  disagreeable  to  the  other 
boarders. 

Miss  Piddock  acted,  and  I  believe  wuz  tickled, 
to  see  Mr.  Freeman's  happiness;  for  he  didn't  make 
any  secret  of  it,  and  couldn't,  if  he  wanted  to.    For 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  545 

radiant  eyes  and  blissful  smiles  would  have  told  the 
story  of  his  joy,  if  his  lips  hadn't. 

Miss  Piddock  said  that  "  if  Mr.  Piddock  had 
been  alive  that  he  could  say  truly  that  he  could 
sympathize  with  him  in  every  respect,  for  that  dear 
departed  man  had  known,  if  anybody  had,  true  con- 
nubial bliss." 

And  then  she  brang  up  such  piles  of  reminiscences 
of  that  man,  that  I  felt  as  if  I  must  sink  under  'em. 

But  1  didn't  ;  I  managed  to  keep  my  head  above 
'em,  and  keep  on  a-breathin'  as  calm  and  stiddy  as 
T  could. 

Even  Nony  acted  a  trifle  less  bitter  and  austeer 
when  he  heard  the  news,  and  made  the  remark, 
"That  he  hoped  that  he  would  be  happy."  But 
there  wuz  a  dark  and  shudderin'  uncertainty  and 
onbelief  in  his  cold  eyes  as  he  said  that  "Hope" 
that  wuz  dretful  deprestin'  to  me — not  to  Mr.  Free- 
man ;  no,  that  blessed  creeter  wuz  too  happy  to  be 
affected  by  such  glacial  congratulations  as  Nony 
Piddock's. 


CHAPTER   XVIII. 

Of  course,  feelin'  as  I  did  about  my  Uncle 
Samuel,  it  wouldn't  have  done  to  not  gone  to  the 
Government  Buildin',  where  he  makes  his  head- 
quarters, so  to  say. 

Like  the  other  palaces,  this  is  so  vast  that  it 
seemed  as  we  stepped  up  to  it  some  like  wadin'  out 
into  Lake  Michigan  to  examine  her. 

We  couldn't  do  it — we  couldn't  do  justice  to 
Michigan  with  one  pair  of  feet  and  eyes — no,  in- 
deed. 

Wall,  no  more  we  couldn't  do  justice  to  these 
buildin's  unless  we  laid  out  to  live  as  long  as  Me- 
thusleah  did,  and  hang  round  here  for  a  hundred 
years  or  so. 

We  had  to  go  by  a  lot  of  officers  all  dressed  up 
in  uniforms.  But  we  vvuzn't  afraid — we  knew  we 
hadn't  done  anything  to  make  us  afraid. 

Josiah  wuz  considerable  interested  in  the  enor- 
mous display  of  rifles,  and  all  the  machinery  for 
makin'  'em,  and  showin'  how  and  where  the  de- 
structive instruments  used  in  war  are  made. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  547 

And  then  there  wuz  dummy  cavalry  horses,  and 
men,  and  ponies,  and  cattle,  showin'  the  early  means 
for  transportation  of  the  mails,  compared  with  the 
modern  way  of  carryin'  it  on  lightnin'  coaches. 

But  it  wuz  a  treat  indeed  to  me  to  see  the  orig- 
inal papers  writ  by  our  noble  forefathers. 

To  be  sure,  they  wuz  considerable  faded  out,  so 
that  I  couldn't  read  'em  much  of  any  ;  but  it  wuz  a 
treat  indeed  to  jest  see  the  paper  on  which  the 
hands  of  them  good  old  creeters  had  rested  while 
they  shaped  the  Destinies  of  the  New  World. 

They  held  the  pen,  but  the  Almighty  held  the 
hands,  and  guided  them  over  the  paper. 

When  I  see  with  my  own  two  eyes,  and  my 
Josiah's  eyes,  which  makes  four  eyes  of  my  own 
(for  are  we  two  not  one?  Yes,  indeed,  we  are  a 
good  deal  of  the  time) — 

Wall,  when  I  see  witli  these  four  eyes  the  very 
paper  that  Washington,  the  Immortal  Founder  of 
I  lis  Country,  had  rested  his  own  hand  on  when  I 
see  the  very  handwritin'  of  his  right  hand  and  tin- 
written  thoughts  of  hisen,  which  made  it  seem  some 
like  lookin'  into  the  inside  of  that  revered  and  noble 
head,  my  feelin's  riz  up  so  that  they  wuz  almost 
beyend  my  control,  and  I  had  to  lean  back  hard  on 
the  pillow  of  megumness  that  I  always  carry  with 
me  to  stiddy  myself  with. 


548 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


I  had  to  lean  hard,  or  I  should  have  been  perfectly 
wobblin'  and  broke  up. 

And  then  to  see  Jefferson's  writin',  and  Hamil- 
ton's, and  Benjamin  Franklin's — he  who  also  dis- 
covered a  New  World,  the  mystic  World  that  we 
draw  on  with  such  a  stiddy 
and  increasin'  demand  for 
supplies  of  light,  and  heat, 
and  motion,  and  e  v  e  r  y  - 
things — 

When  I  see  the  very 
writin'  of  that  hand  that  had 
drawed  down  the  lightnin', 
and  had  hitched  it  to  the  car 
of  commerce  and  progress — 
Oh,  what  feelin's  I  felt, 
and  how    many    of    'em — it 


I  see  the  Proclamation  of  the 
President. 


wuz  a  sight. 


And  then  I  see  the  Proclamation  of  the  Presi- 
dent ;  and  though  I  always  made  a  practice  of 
skippin'  'em  when  I  see  'em  in  the  newspaper,  some- 
how they  looked  different  to  me  here. 

And  then  there  wuz  agreements  with  Foreign 
Powers,  and  some  of  them  Powers'  own  handwritin' 
photographed  ;  and  lots  of  treaties  made  by  Uncle 
Sam — some  of  'em,  especially  them  with  the 
Injuns,    I    guess    the   least    said    about    the   soonest 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  549 


mended,  but  the  biggest  heft  on  'em  I  guess  he  has 
kept — 

Treaties  of  peace  and  alliance,  pardon  of  Loui- 
siana and  Florida,  Alaska,  etc.,  all  in  Uncle  Sam's 
own  handwritin'. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  arms  of  the  United 
States — and  hain't  it  a  sight  how  fur  them  arms 
reach  out  north  and  south,  east  and  west — protectin' 
and  fosterin  arms  a  good  deal  of  the  time  they  are, 
and  then  how  strong  they  can  hit  when  they  feel 
like  it! 

And  then  there  wuz  the  big  seal  of  the  United 
States. 

I  had  read  a  description  of  it  to  Josiah  that 
mornin',  and  had  explained  it  all  out  to  him— all 
about  the  Argant,  and  Jules,  and  the  breast  of  the 
American  Eagle  displayed  proper. 

I  sez,  "  That  means  that  it  is  proper  for  a  bird  to 
display  its  breast  in  public  places;  and,"  sez  I, 
"though  it  don't  speak  right  out,  it  probable  means 
to  gin  a  strong  hint  to  fashionable  wimmen. 

"  And  then,"  says  I,  "  it  holds  in  its  dexter  talons 
a  olive  branch.  That  means  that  it  is  so  dextrous 
in  wavin'  that  branch  round  and  gittin'  holt  of  what 
it  wants. 

"  And  holdin'  in  its  sinister  talons  a  bunch  of 
arrows."     Sez  T,  "  That    means  that   in  war  it  is  so 


550  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

awful  sinister,  and  lets  them  arrows  fly  onto  its 
enemies  where  they  are  needed  most." 

And  then  the  Eagle  holds  in  its  beak  a  strip  of 
paper  with  "  E.  Pluribus  Unura"  on  it,  which  means 
"One  formed  out  of  many." 

And  how  many  countries  will  wheel  into  the 
procession  and  become  part  of  the  great  one  as  the 
centuries  go  on  ?  1  don't  believe  Uncle  Sam  has  the 
least  idee;   I  know  1  hain't,  nor  Josiah. 

Eor  on  the  back  part  is  a  pyramiad  unfinished  ; 
no  knowin'  how  many  bricks  will  yet  be  laid  on 
top  of  that  pyramiad,  or  how  high  it  will  shoot  up 
into  the  heavens. 

And  then  there  is  a  big  eye  surrounded  with  a 
Glory. 

The  eye  of  the  United  States  most  likely,  and  I 
spozed  mebby  it  meant  big  I  and  little  You. 

I  didn't  know  exactly  what  it  did  mean  till  I 
catched  sight  of  the  words  above,  meanin'  "The  eye 
of  Providence  is  favorable  to  our  undertakin's." 

And  then  I  felt  better,  and  hoped  it  wuz  so. 

Down  under  the  pyramiad  is  words  meanin'  "A 
New  Order  of  Centuries." 

That  riz  me  up  still  more,  for  I  knew  it  wuz 
true.  Yes ;  when  Columbus  pinted  the  prow  of 
that  caraval  of  hisen  towards  the  New  World,  the 
water  broke  on  each  ^ide  of  it,  a-washin'  back  tow- 


SAM  A  NTH  A    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  55  I 

ards  the  Old  World  the  decayin'  ereeds  and  orders 
of  the  Old  World,  and  the  ripples  that  danced 
ahead  on't,  clear  acrost  the  Atlantic,  wuz  a-carryin' 
new  laws,  new  governments  ;  and  hoverin'  over  the 
prow  as  it  swept  on  in  the  darkness  and  the  dawn, 
onseen  to  any  eve,  not  even  the  prophetic  eye  of 
the  discoverer,  hovered  the  great  angels  Liberty, 
Equal  Rights,  and  Human  Brotherhood. 

For  them  angels  could  see  further  than  we  can  ; 
they  could  see  clear  ahead  when  the  iron  chains 
should  fall  from  black  wrists,  and  as  mighty 
chains,  though  wrought  with  gold,  mebby,  should 
fall  from  the  delicate  white  wrists  of  mother,  and 
wife,  and  sister. 

It  could  see  that  this  indeed  wuz  "A  New  Order 
of  Centuries." 

And  then  we  see — kep  jest  as  careful  as  though 
it  wuz  pure  gold  and  diamonds — the  petition  of  the 
Colonies  to  the  King  of  England.  And  I'll  bet 
England  has  been  sorry  enuff  to  think  it  didn't 
hear  to  'em,  and  act  a  little  more  lenient  to  'em. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  old  Constitution  of  the 
United  States,  in  the  very  handwritin'  of  its  immor- 
tal framer. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  Declaration  of  Indepen- 
dence. 

Good,  likely  old  document  as  ever  wuz  made.      I 


552  SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

know  I  hain't  felt  towards  it  as  I'd  ort  to  time  and 
agin,  when  I've  hearn  it  read  Fourth  of  Julys  by  a 
long-winded  orator,  in  muggy  and  sultry  dog-days  in 
Jonesville. 

But  though,  as  I  ort  to  own  up,  I've  turned  my 
haek  onto  it  at  sech  times,  I've  allers  respected  it 
deeply,  and  it  wuz  indeed  a  treat  to  see  it  now — 

The  very  paper,  writ  in  the  darkness  of  oncer- 
tainty,  and  hopelessness,  and  despair  of  our  fore- 
fathers, and  which  them  four  old  fathers  wuz  willin' 
to  seal  with  their  blood. 

Oh,  if  that  piece  of  yeller,  faded  old  paper  could 
jest  speak  out  and  tell  what  emotions  wuz  a-rackin' 
the  hearts,  and  what  wild  dreams  and  despairs  wuz 
a-hantin'  the  brains  of  the  ones  that  bent  over  it 
in  that  dark  day,  1776 — 

Why,  the  World's  Fair  would  be  thrilled  to  its 
inmost  depths;  Chicago  would  tremble  from  its 
ground  floor  up  to  its  20th  and  30th  story,  and 
Josiah  and  I  would  be  perfectly  browbeat  and 
stunted. 

But  it  wuzn't  to  be  ;  only  the  old  yeller  paper  re- 
mained writ  over  with  them  immortal  words.  Their 
wild  emotions,  their  dreams,  their  despairs,  and  their 
raptures  have  passed  away,  bloomin'  out  agin  in  the 
nation's  glory  and  grandeur. 

And  then  we  see  amongst  the  treaties  with   for- 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  553 

eign  powers  friendship  tokens  from  semi-barbarous 
tribes  and  nations — 

Poor  little  gifts  that  didn't  always  buy  friendship 
and  justice,  and  I'd  told  Uncle  Sam  so  right  to  his 
old  face  if  I'd've  met  him  there  as  I  wuz  a-lookin' 
at  'em.  I'd  a  done  it  if  he  had  turned  me  right  out 
of  the  Government  Buildin'  the  next  mi  nit. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  first  cannon  ever  brought 
to  America,  and  the  first  church-bell  ever  rung  in 
America,  and  picters  of  every  place  that  Columbus 
ever  had  anything  to  do  with,  and  a  hull  set  of 
photographs  of  hisen.  Good  creeter  !  it  is  a  shame 
and  a  disgrace  that  there  is  so  many  on  'em,  and  all 
lookin'  so  different — as  different  as  Josiah  and 
Queen  Elizabeth. 

And  then  there  wuz  everything  relatin'  to  con- 
quest— conquest  of  Mexico  and  etc.,  and  everything 
about  the  food  and  occupations  of  men — all  sorts 
of  food,  savage  and  civilized,  and  all  sorts  of  occu- 
pations, from  makin'  molasses  to  gatherin'  tea. 

And  there  wuz  the  most  perfect  collection  of 
coins  and  medals  ever  made — 7500  coins  and  2300 
medals.  There  wuz  some  kinder  stern-lookin' 
guards  a-watchin'  over  these,  but  they  had  no  need  to 
be  afraid  ;  I  wouldn't  have  meddled  with  one  of  'em 
no  more'n  I'd've  torn  out  the  Book  of  fob  out 
of  the  family  Bible 


554 


SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR 


There  wuz  everything  under  the  sun  that  could 
be  seen  in  South  America,  from  a  mule  to  a 
orchid. 

And  in  the  centre  of  the  buildin'  wuz  a  section 
of  the  great  Sequois  tree  from  California.  The 
tree  is  twenty-five  feet  in  diameter,  and  has  been 
hollowed  out,  and  a  stairway  built  up  inside  of  it. 
Stairs  inside  of  a  tree  !      Good  land  ! 

But  what  is  the  use,  i  have  only  waded  out  a 
few  steps.      The  deep  lake  lays  before  us. 

I  hain't  gin  much  idee  of  all  there  is  to  see  in 
that  buildin',  and  1  hain't  in  any  on  'em. 

You  have  got  to  swim  out  for  yourself,  and  then 
you  may  have  some  idee  of  the  vastness  on't.      But 
you  can't  describe  'em,  1  don't  believe — nobody  can't. 
In   front  of   that    buildin' 
we  see  one  of  the  two  largest 
guns  ever  made  in  the  world. 
It    wuz    made    in    Essen, 
German  v.      It    weighs     two 
hundred  and  seventy    thou- 
sand  pounds,   and    is    forty- 
seven  feet  long. 

It  will  hit  anything  sixteen 
miles  off,  and  with  perfect 
accuracy  and  effect  at  a  dis- 
tance of  twelve  miles. 


Stern-uk ikin'  guards  a-watuhin' 
over  the  coins. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  555 

Good  land  !  further  than  from  Zoar  to  Shack- 
dlle. 

It  costs  one  thousand  two  hundred  and  fifty 
dollars  to  discharge  it  once.  As  Josiah  looked  at 
it,  sez  he — 

"Oh,  how  I  do  wish  I  had  sech  a  gun  !  How  I 
could  rake  off  the  crows  with  it  in  plantin'  time  ! 
Why,"  sez  he,  "  by  shootin'  it  off  once  or  twice  I 
could  clear  the  hull  country  of  'em  from  Jonesville 
to  Loontown." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I;  "and  have  you  got  a  thousand 
dollars  to  pay  for  every  batch  of  crows  you  kill, 
besides  damages — heavy  damages — for  killin'  human 
bein's,  and  horses,  and  cows,  and  sech  ?" 

And  he  gin  in  that  it  wouldn't  be  feasible  to 
own  one.  And  I  sez,  "  I  wouldn't  have  one  on 
the  premises  if  Mr.  Krupp  should  give  me  one." 

So  we  wended  onwards. 

Wall,  about  the  most  interestin'  and  surprism' 
hours  I  enjoyed  at  Columbuses  doin's  wuz  to  the 
stately  house  set  apart  for  that  great  wizard  of  the 
1 9th  century — Electricity. 

As  wuz  befittin',  most  the  first  thing  that  our 
eyes  fell  on  wuz  a  big,  noble  statute  of  Benjamin 
Franklin.  lie  stands  with  his  kite  in  his  hand, 
a-lookin'  up  with  a  rapt  look  as  if  waitin'  for  in- 
structions from  on  higdi. 


556  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

He  seemed  to  be  guardin'  the  entrance  to  this 
temple,  and  he  looked  as  if  he  wuz  glad  to  be 
there,  and  I  truly  wuz  glad  to  have  him  there. 

For  he  ort  to  be  put  side  by  side  with  Christo- 
pher Columbus.  Both  sailed  out  on  the  onknovvn, 
both  discovered  a  new  world. 

Columbuses  world  we  have  got  the  lay  on  now 
considerable,  and  we  have  mapped  it  out  and 
counted  the  inhabitants. 

But  who — who  shall  map  out  this  vast  realm 
that  Benjamin  F.  discovered  ? 

We  stand  jest  by  the  sea-shore.  We  have  jest 
landed  from  our  boats.  The  onbroken  forest  lays 
before  us,  and  beyend  is  deep  valleys,  and  high, 
sun-kissed  mountains,  and  rushin'  rivers. 

A  few  trees  have  been  felled  by  Morse,  Edison, 
Field  and  others,  so  that  we  can  git  glimpses  into 
the  forest  depths,  but  not  enough  to  even  give  us 
a  glimpse  of  the  mountains  or  the  seas.  The  realm 
as  a  whole  is  onexplored  ;  nobody  knows  or  can 
dream  of  the  grandeur  and  glory  that  awaits  the 
advance  guard  that  shall  march  in  and  take  the 
country. 

This  beautiful  house  built  in  its  honor  is  690  feet 
long  and  345  feet  wide. 

The  main  entrance,  which  is  in  the  south  side, 
has  a  magnificently  decorated  open   vestibule  cov- 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  557 

ered  by  a  half  dome,  capable  of  the  most  brilliant 
illumination. 

Indeed,  you  can  judge  whether  this  buildin'  has 
advantages  for  bein'  lit  up,  when  I  tell  you  that  it 
has  20,000  incandescent  and  3000  ark  lights. 

I  hearn  a  bystander  a-tellin'  this,  and  sez  Josiah, 
"  I  can't  imagine  what  a  ark  light  is — Noah 
couldn't  had  a  light  so  bright  as  that  is.  But,"  he 
sez,  "  mebby  the  light  shines  out  as  big  as  the  ark 
did  over  the  big  water." 

And  I  spoze  mebby  that  is  it. 

Why,  they  say  the  big  light  on  top  of  the  buildin' 
— the  biggest  in  the  world — why,  they  do  say  that 
that  throws  such  a  big  light  way  off — way  off  over 
Lake  Michigan,  that  the  very  white  fishes  think  it 
is  mornin',  and  git  up  and  go  to  doin'  up  their 
mornin's  work. 

There  wuz  everything  in  the  buildin'  that  has 
been  hearn  on  up  to  the  present  time  in  connection 
with  electricity  -everything  that  we  know  about, 
that  that  Magician  uses  to  show  off  his  magic 
powers,  from  a  search-light  of  60,000  candle  power 
down  to  a  engine  and  dynamo  combined,  that  can 
be  packed  in  a  box  no  bigger  than  a  pea. 

Josiah  looked  at  the  immense  display  with  a  wise 
eve,  and  pretended  to  understand  all  about  it,  and 
he  even  went  to  explainin'  it  to  me. 


558  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

But  I  sez,  "  You  needn't  tire  yourself,  Josiah 
Allen  ;  1  should  know  jest  as  much  after  you  got 
through  as  I  do  now. 

"And,"  sez  I,  "you  can  explain  to  me  jest  as 
well  how  the  hoe  and  the  planter  cause  the  seed  to 
spring  up  in  the  loosened  ground.  You  put  the  seed 
in  the  ground,  Josiah  Allen,  and  the  hoe  loosens  the 
soil  round  it.  You  may  assist  the  plant  some,  but 
there  is  a  secret  back  of  it  all,  Josiah  Allen,  that  you 
can't  explain  to  me. 

"No,  nor  Edison  couldn't,  nor  Benjamin  Frank- 
lin himself  couldn't  with  his  kite." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  could  explain  it  all  out  to  you  if 
you  would  listen — all  about  my  winter  rye,  and  all 
about  electricity." 

But  agin  I  sez  considerately,  "  Don't  tire  yourself, 
Josiah  Allen  ;  it  is  a  pretty  hot  day,  and  you  hain't 
over  and  above  well  to-day." 

He  didn't  like  it  at  all ;  he  wanted  to  talk 
about  electric  currents  to  me,  and  magnets,  and 
dynamos,  but  I  wouldn't  listen  to  it.  I  felt  that 
wTe  wuz  in  the  palace  of  the  Great  Enchanter, 
the  King  of  Wonders  of  the  19th  century,  and 
T  knew  that  orr  and  silence  wuz  belittin'  mantillys 
to  wrop  ourselves  in  ns  we  entered  his  court,  and 
stood  in  his  imperial  presence.  And  I  told  Jo- 
siah so. 


SAMANTIIA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  559 

And  he  sez,  "  You  won't  catch  me  with  a  man- 
tilly  on." 

He  is  dretful  fraid  to  wear  wimmen's  clothes. 
I  can't  git  a  apron  or  a  sun-bunnet  on  him  in 
churnin'  time  or  berryin'  in  dog-days— he  is  sot. 

But  I  sez,  "  Josiah,  I  spoke  in  metafor." 

And  he  sez,  "  I  would  ruther  you  would  use  pan- 
taloons and  vests,  if  you  are  a-goin'  to  allegore  about 
me." 

But  to  resoom.  France,  England,  Germany,  all 
'lave  wonderful  exhibits,  and  as  for  our  own  country, 
there  wuz  no  end  seemin'ly  to  the  marvellous  sight. 

Why,  to  give  you  a  idee  of  the  size  and  splendor 
of  'cm,  one  electrical  company  alone  spent  350,000 
dollars  on  its  exhibit. 

Among  the  German  exhibits  wuz  a  wonderful 
search-light — jest  as  searchin'  as  any  light  ever  could 
be — it  wuz  sunthin'  like  the  day  of  judgment  in 
lightin'  up  and  showin'  forth. 

One  of  the  strange  things  long  to  be  remembered 
wuz  to  set  down  alone  beside  of  a  big  horn  in 
Chicago  and  hear  a  melodious  orkestrv  in  New 
York,  hundreds  and  hundreds  of  miles  away,  a-dis- 
coursin'  the  sweetest  melody. 

Wall,  what  took  up  Josiah's  mind  most  of  any- 
thing wuz  a  house  all  fitted  up  from  basement  to 
attic  with  electricity. 


560  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

You  come  home  (say  you  come  in  the  evenin' 
and  bring  company  with  you)  ;  you  press  a  button  at 
the  door,  the  door  opens  ;  touch  another  button,  and 
the  hall  will  be  all  lighted  up,  and  so  with  every 
other  room  in  the  house.  Some  of  these  lights  will 
be  rosettes  of  light  let  into  the  wall,  and  some  on 
'em  lamps  behind  white,  and  rose-tinted,  and  amber 
porcelain. 

When  you  go  upstairs  to  put  on  another  coat, 
you  touch  a  button,  the  electric  elevator  takes  you 
to  your  room  ;  and  when  vou  open  the  closet  door, 
that  lights  the  lamp  in  the  closet ;  when  you  have 
found  your  coat  and  vest,  shuttin'  the  door  puts  the 
light  out. 

In  the  mean  time,  your  visitors  down  below  are 
entertained  by  a  selection  from  operatic  or  sacred 
music  or  comic  songs  from  a  phonograph  on  the 
parlor  table.  Or  if  they  want  to  hear  Gladstone 
debate,  or  Chauncey  Depew  joke,  or  Ingersoll 
lecture,  or  no  matter  what  their  tastes  are,  they  can 
be  gratified.  The  phonograph  don't  care  ;  it  will 
bring  to  'em  anything  they  call  for. 

Then,  when  they  have  got  ready  for  dinner,  a 
button  is  touched  ;  the  dinner  comes  down  from  the 
kitchen  in  the  attic,  where  it  vvuz  all  cooked 
by  electricity,  baked,  roasted,  or  biled,  whatever 
it  is. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  561 

When  the  vittles  arc  put  on  the  table,  they  are 
kept  warm  by  electric  warmin'  furnaces. 

They  start  up  a  rousin'  fire  in  the  open  fireplace 
by  pressin'  a  button,  and  if  they  git  kinder  warm, 
electric  fans  cool  the  air  agin,  though  there  hain't 
much  chance  of  gittin'  too  warm,  for  electric  ther- 
mostats regulate  the  atmosphere.  But  in  the  sum- 
mer the  fans  come  handy. 

When  dinner  is  over  the  dishes  mount  upstairs 
agin,  and  arc  washed  by  a  electric  automatic  dish 
washer,  and  dried  by  a  electric  dish  drier. 

The  ice  for  dinner  is  made  by  a  miniature  ammonia 
ice  plant,  which  keeps  the  hull  house  cool  in  hot 
days  and  nights. 

On  washin'  days  the  woman  of  the  house  throw's 
the  dirty  clothes  and  a  piece  of  soap  into  a  tub,  and 
electricity  heats  the  water,  rubs  and  cleanses  the 
clothes,  shoves  'em  along  and  rings  'em  through  an 
electric  ringer,  and  dries  'em  in  a  electric  dryin'  oven, 
and  I  hen  irons  'em  by  an  electric  ironin'  machine. 

If  the  female  of  the  house  wants  to  sew  a  little, 
she  don't  have  to  wear  out  her  own  vital  powers 
a-runnin'  that  sewin'  machine — no  ;  electricity  jest 
runs  it  for  her  smooth  as  a  dollar. 

If  she  wants  to  sweep  her  floor,  does  she  have  to 
wrear  out  her  own  elbows?  No,  indeed;  electricity 
jest  sweeps  it  for  her  clean  as  a  pin. 


562  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Oh,  what  a  house  !  what  a  house  ! 

Josiah  of  course  wuz  rampant  with  idees  of 
havin'  our  house  run  jest  like  it. 

He  thought  mebby  he  could  run  it  by  horse 
power  or  by  wind. 

"  But,"  I  sez,  "  I  guess  the  old  mair  has  enough 
on  her  hands  without  washin'  dishes  and  eookin'." 

He  see  it  wuzn't  feasible. 

"  But,"  sez  he,  "  I  believe  I  could  run  it  by  wind. 
Don't  you  know  what  wind  storms  we  have  in  Jones- 
ville  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "You  won't  catch  me  a-sewin'  by  it, 
a-blowin'  me  away  one  minute,  and  then  stoppin' 
stun-still  the  next;"  and  sez  I,  "  How  could  we  be 
elevated  by  it  ?  blow  us  half  way  upstairs,  and  then 
go  down,  and  drop  us.  We  shouldn't  live  through 
it  a  week,  even  if  you  could  git  the  machinery 
a-runnin'." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  with  a  wise,  shrewd  look,  "as  fur 
as  the  elevator  is  concerned,  I  believe  1  eould  fix 
that  on  a  endless  chain — keep  it  a-runnin'  all  the 
time,  sunthin'  like  perpetual  motion." 

"  How  eould  we  git  on  it  ?"  sez  I  coldly. 

"  Catch  on,"  sez  he  ;  "  it  would  be  worth  every- 
thing to  both  on  us  to  make  us  spry  and  limber-jinted." 

"  Oh,  shaw  !"  sez  I  ;  "  your  idees  are  luny — luny  as 
can  be  ;  it  has  got  to  go  by  electricity." 


SAMANTHA   AT 


E    WOK  LA)  S    FAIR 


563 


"Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I  never  see  any  sharper  lightnin' 
than  we  have  to  Jonesville.  I  believe  I  could  git 
the  machinery  all  rigged  up,  and  catch  lightnin' 
enough  to  run  it.      I  mean  to  try,  anyway." 

l>  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  guess  that  you  won't  want  to  be 
elevated  by  lightnin'  more'nonce  ;  I  guess  that  that 
would  be  pretty  apt  to  end  your  experiments." 

"Oh,  wall,"  sez  he,  "break  it  up  !  I  never  in  my 
hull  life  tried  to  do  sunthin'  remarkable  and  note- 
worthy but  what  you  put  a  drag  on  to  me." 

Sez  I,  "  I  have  saved  your  life,  Josiah  Allen,  time 
and  agin,  to  say  nothin'  of  my  own." 

He  wuz  mad,  but  I  drawed  his  attention  off  onto 
a  ocean  cable,  and  asked  him  to  explain  it  to  me 
how  the  news  went ;  and  he  wuz  happy  once  more — 
happier  than  I  wuz  by  fur.  I  wuz  wretched,  and 
had  got  myself  into  a  job  of  weariness  onspeakable 
and  confusion,  etc.,  and  so  forth. 

But  to  such  immense  sacrifices  will  a  woman's 
love  lead  her. 

I  could  not  brook  his  dallyin' with  lightnin'  at  his 
age-  or  to   have  it  brung  in- 
to our  house  in  a  raw  state. 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  im 
pressed  wit  h  ;i  big  post  com- 
pletely covered  with  led, 
white,    and   blue  "lobes,  and 


He  wuz  happy  once  morb 


564  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

all  other  colors,  and  at  the  top  it  branched  out 
into  four  posts,  extendin'  towards  the  corners  of  the 
ceilin'. 

A  spark  of  electricity  starts  at  the  base  of  the 
post,  and  steadily  works  its  way  up.  It  lights  the 
red,  then  the  white,  and  then  the  blue,  and  etc.,  and 
then  it  goes  on  and  lights  the  four  branches  until  it 
gits  to  the  end,  and  then  it  lights  up  a  big  ball. 

And  then  it  goes  back  to  the  beginnin'  agin,  and 
so  it  goes  on — flash  !  flash  !  flash  !  sparkle  !  spar- 
kle !  sparkle!  in  glowin'  colors.  It  is  a  sight  to 
see  it. 

But  what  impressed  me  beyend  anything  wuz 
what  seemed  a  mighty  onseen  hand  a-risin'  up  out 
of  Nowhere,  and  a-holdin'  a  pencil,  and  a-writin'  on 
the  wall  in  letters  of  flame.  And  then  that  same 
onseen  hand  will  wipe  out  what  has  been  writ, 
and  write  sunthin'  else.  Why,  it  all  makes  folks 
feel  a  good  deal  like  Belschazarses,  only  more  riz  up 
like.  He  felt  guilty  as  a  dog,  which  must  hendered 
his  lofty  emotions  from  playin'  free ;  but  folks  that 
see  this  awsome  and  magestick  spectacle  don't  have 
nothin'  to  drag  down  their  soarin'  emotions. 

Why,  I'll  bet  that  I  had  more  emotions  durin'  that 
sight  than  Belschazar  had  when  he  see  his  writin' 
on  the  wall,  only  different.  I  guess  that  mine 
wuz  more  like   Daniel's,  though  I  can't  tell,  havin' 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  565 

never  talked  it  over  with  Daniel.  But  to  re- 
soom. 

When  we  left  the  Electrical  Buildin',  it  wuz  so 
nigh  at  hand  we  jest  stepped  acrost  into  the  Hall  of 
Mines  and  Minin'.  And  it  wuz  dretful  curious, 
wuzn't  it  ? 

Here  we  two  wuz  on  the  surface  of  the  Earth, 
and  we  had  jest  been  a-studyin'  in  a  entranced  way 
the  workin's  of  a  mighty  sperit,  who  wuz,  in  the 
first  place,  brung  down  from  above  the  Earth,  and 
now,  lo  and  behold  !  we  wuz  on  our  way  to  see 
what  wuz  below  the  Earth. 

Curious  and  coincidin',  very. 

Wall,  as  I  walked  acrost  them  few  steps  I 
thought  of  a  good  many  things.  One  thing  I 
thought  on  wuz  the  path  I  wuz  a-walkin'  on. 

I  d'no  as  I've  mentioned  it  before,  but  them 
foot-paths  at  the  World's  Fair  are  as  worthy  of  at- 
tention as  anything  as  there  is  there. 

I'll  bet  Columbus  would  have  been  glad  to  had 
such  paths  to  walk  on  when  he  wuz  footsore,  and 
tired  out. 

They  are  made  of  a  compound  of  granite  and 
cement,  and  are  as  smooth  as  a  board,  and  as  dura- 
ble as  adamant. 

What  a  boon  sech  roads  would  be  in  the  Spring 
and  the  Fall  !      How  it  would  lessen  profanity,  and 


566  SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

broken  wagons,  and  broken-backed  horses !  Folks 
say  that  they  will  be  used  throughout  the  World. 
Jonesville  waits  for  it  with  longin'. 

Its  name  is  Medusaline.  I  wuz  real  glad  it  had 
such  a  pretty  name — it  deserves  it. 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  took  with  the  name.  He 
said  that  he  wuz  a-goin'  to  name  his  nephew's 
twins  Maryline  and  Medusaline.  But  mebby  he'll 
forgit  it. 

Wall,  the  Hall  of  Mines  and  Minin'  is  a  im- 
mense, gorgeous  palace,  jest  as  all  the  rest  on  'em 
be,  and,  like  'em  all,  it  has  more'n  enough  orni- 
ments,  and  domes,  and  banners,  and  so  forth  to 
make  it  comfortable. 

As  we  advanced  up  the  magestick  portal  the  riggers 
of  miners,  with  hammers  and  pans  in  their  hands, 
seemed  to  welcome  us,  and  tell  us  what  they  had 
to  do  with  the  big  show  inside  ;  they  seemed  to  be 
a-sayin'  with  their  still  lips,  "  If  it  hadn't  been  foi 
us — for  the  great  Army  of  Labor,  this  show  would 
have  been  a  pretty  slim  one."  Yes  ;  the  great  van- 
guard of  Labor  leads  the  van,  and  cuts  down  the 
trees,  so's  that  Old  Civilization  and  Progress  can 
walk  along,  and  swing  their  arms,  and  spread  them- 
selves, as  they  have  a  way  of  doin'. 

Wall,  to  anybody  that  loves  to  look  on  every  side 
of  a  idee  from  top  to  bottom,  and  had  had  sech  ex- 


SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  567 

periences  on  top  of  the  Earth  as  I  had,  it  wuz  a 
great  treat  to  see  what  wuz  inside  of  the  Old 
World. 

And  wuzn't  it  a  sight !  Sech  heaps  of  glitterin' 
golden  and  silver  ore,  sech  slabs  of  shinin'  marble, 
and  sech  precious  stuns  I  never  expect  to  see  agin 
till  I  git  where  the  gates  arc  Pearl  and  the  streets 
paved  with  Pure  Gold. 

On  the  west  side  are  the  exhibits  from  Foreign 
mineral-producin'  countries,  beginnin'  with  the  Cen- 
tral and  South  American  States. 

These  Mines,  worked  way  back  before  history 
begins,  that  furnished  the  gold  that  Cortez  loaded 
his  rcturnin'  galleons  with,  still  keep  right  on 
a-yieldin'  their  rich  treasures,  provin'  that  there  is 
no  end  to  'em,  as  you  may  say. 

On  the  opposite  side  of  the  avenue  are  the  treas- 
ures of  our  own  country.  Each  State  and  Terri- 
tory has  tried,  seemin'ly,  to  make  the  richest  and 
most  dazzlin'  exhibition. 

Here  Xew  England  shows  in  a  way  that  can't 
be  disputed  her  solid  granite  and  marble  founda- 
tion— vast  and  beautiful  and  glossy  exhibit. 

Then  the  immense  coal  exhibit  of  the  great 
States  of  the  Appalachian  range,  and  the  Ohio 
valley,  shows  forth  its  wealth  in  shinin'  black 
masses. 


568  SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

Pyramiads  and  arches  of  glitterin'  iron  and  steel, 
statutes  in  brass,  bronze,  and  copper,  supported  on 
pedestals  of  elaborate  wrought  metals. 

Then  there  are  pillows  and  statutes  and  pyramiads 
of  salt  so  blindin'ly  brilliant  that  you  almost  have 
to  shet  your  eyes  when  you  look  at  'em. 

The  South  shows  up  her  mineral  fertilizers,  and 
paints,  and  her  precious  ores.  The  gold  of  North 
Carolina,  the  phosphates  of  Florida,  and  the  iron 
ores  of  Alabama  are  here  in  plain  sight. 

California,  Montana,  Colorado,  Idaho,  shows  a 
gorgeous  exhibit  of  gold  and  other  precious  ores. 

In  the  large  porch  in  the  centre  of  the  buildin' 
is  a  high  tower,  made  at  the  bottom  of  all  sorts  of 
minerals,  and  trimmed  off  handsome  and  appro- 
priate ;  and  the  tower  that  shoots  up  from  this 
foundation  is  made  of  all  sorts  of  machines  em- 
ployed in  minin'. 

From  this  centre  aisles  and  avenues  branch  off 
in  every  direction. 

Great  Britain  and  German)'  and  our  own  great- 
est mineral  States  are  here  facin'  this  centre. 

And  you  can  walk  down  every  avenue,  and  have 
your  eyes  most  blinded  by  the  splendor  of  the 
exhibit. 

You  can  see  jest  how  they  extract  the  gold  from 
the  ore  from  the  minute  it  is  dug   out   of  the  earth 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  569 

till  it  is  wrought  into  the  shinin'  dollar  or  beautiful 
orniment 

You  can  see  how  Electricity,  the  Wizard,  plays 
his  part  here,  as  everywhere  else,  in  drivin'  drills,  and 
workin'  huge  minin'  pumps  and  hoistin'  appliances. 

You  can  see  how  this  Wizard  gives  the  signals, 
fires  the  blast,  and  does  everything  he  is  told  to  do, 
and  does  it  better  than  anybody  else  could,  and 
easier. 

Then  there  are  figgers  in  groups  representin'  the 
old  laborious  way  of  minin',  old  crushin'  mortars 
and  mills  of  ancient  Mexico,  propelled  by  mules, 
compared  with  the  automatic  tramways  and  hy- 
draulic transmission  of  coal  by  a  liquid  medium, 
and  all  the  other  swift  and  modern  ways. 

South  Africa  shows  off  her  diamond  fields.  The 
machinery  picks  up  the  blue  clay  right  before  our 
eves,  the  native  Kaffirs  pick  out  the  precious 
pebbles  and  sort  'em  out,  and  a  diamond-cutter 
right  here,  with  his  chisel  and  wheel,  cuts  and  pol- 
ishes 'em  till  they  are  turned  out  a  flashin'  gem  to 
adorn  a  queen. 

Then,  if  you  git  tired  of  roamin'  round  on  the 
first  floor,  you  can  go  up  into  the  broad  gallery  and 
look  down  in  the  vast  halls  and  avenues,  full  of 
dazzle  and  glitter. 

Dretful   interestin'  them  wuz  to  look  at — dretful. 


570  SAMANTHA  AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

And  up  here  are  the  offices  of  Geoligists,  Minin' 
Engineers,  and  Scientists,  and  a  big  library  under 
charge  of  a  librarian. 

And  here,  too,  is  a  laboratory  where  experiments 
are  a-bein'  conducted  all  the  time. 

Wall,  it  wuz  a  sight — a  sight  what  we  see  there. 

But  the  thing  that  impressed  me  the  most  in  the 
hull  buildin',  and  I  thought  on't  all  the  time  I  wuz 
there,  and  thought  on't  goin'  home,  and  waked  up 
and  thought  on't — 

It  wuz  a  statute  of  woman  named  Justice — a 
female  big  as  life,  made  of  solid  silver  from  her 
head  to  her  heels,  and  a-standin'  on  a  gold  world — ■ 

Jest  as  they  do  in  the  streets  of  the  New  Jerusa- 
lem.    Oh,  my  heart,  think  on't ! 

Yes,  it  tiekled  me  to  a  extraordinary  degree,  for 
sech  a  thing  must  mean  sunthin'  !  The  world 
borne  on  the  outspread  wings  of  an  eagle  is  under 
her  feet,  and  under  that  is  a  foundation  of  solid 
gold. 

First,  the  riches  of  the  earth  to  the  bottom  ;  then 
the  eagle  Ambition,  and  wavin'  wings  of  power  and 
conquest,  carryin'  the  hull  round  world,  and  then, 
above  'em  all,  Woman. 

Yes,  Justice  in  the  form  of  woman  stood  jest 
where  she  ort  to  stand — right  on  top  of  the  world. 

Justice  and  Woman  has  too  long  been  crumpled 


SAMANTIIA  AT  THE    WORLD  S   FAIR.  j#I 

down,  and  trod  on.  But  she  has  got  on  top  now, 
and  I  believe  will  stay  there  for  some  time. 

She  holds  a  septer  in  her  right  hand,  and  in  her 
left  a  pair  of  scales. 

She  holds  her  scales  evenly  balanced — that  is  jest 
as  it  ort  to  be  ;  they  have  always  tipped  up  on  the 
side  of  man  (which  has  been  the  side  of  Might). 

But  now  they  are  held  even,  and  Rtg/if  will 
determine  how  the  notches  stand,  not  Might. 

1  don't  believe  that  the  Nation  would  make  a 
statute  of  woman  out  of  solid  silver,  and  stand  it  on 
top  of  the  world,  if  it  didn't  lay  out  to  give  her  sect 
a  little  mite  of  what  she  svmbolizes. 

The\'  hain't  a-goin'  to  make  a  silver  woman  and 
call  it  Justice,  if  they  lay  out  to  keep  their  idee  of 
wimmen  in  the  future,  as  they  have  in  the  past,  the 
holler  pewter  image  stuffed  full  of  all  sorts  of 
injustices,  and  meannesses,  and  downtroddenness. 

They  hain't  a-goin'  to  stand  the  figger  of  woman 
and  Justice  on  top  of  the  world,  and  then  let 
woman  herself  grope  along  in  the  deepest  and  dark- 
est swamps  and  morasses  of  injustice  and  oppression, 
taxed  without  representation,  condemned  and  hung 
by  laws  they  have  no  voice  in  makin'. 

Goin'  on  in  the  future  as  in  the  past — bringin' 
children  into  the  world,  dearer  to  'em  than  their 
heart's  blood,  and  then  have  their  hearts  torn  out  of 


57-'  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR. 

'em  to  see  these  children  go  to  ruin  before  'em 
through  the  foolishness  and  wickedness  of  laws  they 
have  no  power  to  prevent — nay,  if  they  are  rich,  to 
see  their  loved  ones  helped  to  their  doom  by  their 
own  wealth  ;  taxed  to  extend  and  perpetuate  these 
means  of  death  and  Hell,  and  they  with  their  hands 
bound  by  the  chains  of  Slavery  and  old  Custom. 

But  things  are  a-goin'  to  be  different.  I  see  it 
plain.  And  I  looked  on  that  figger  with  big  emo- 
tions in  my  heart,  and  my  umbrell  in  my  hand. 

I  knew  the  Nation  wuzn't  a-goin'  to  depicter 
woman  with  the  hull  earth  at  her  feet,  and  then 
deny  her  the  rights  of  the  poorest  dog  that  walks 
that  globe.  No  ;  that  would  be  makin'  too  light  of 
her,  and  makin'  perfect  fools  of  themselves. 

They  wouldn't  of  their  own  accord  put  a  septer 
in  her  hand,  if  they  laid  out  to  keep  her  where  she 
is  now — under  the  rule  of  the  lowest  criminal  landed 
on  our  shores,  and  beneath  niggers,  and  Injuns,  and 
a-settin'  on  the  same  bench  in  a  even  row  with 
idiots,  lunaticks,  and  criminals. 

No  ;  I  think  better  of  'em  ;  they  are  a-goin'  to 
carry  out  the  idee  of  that  silver  image  in  the  gold 
of  practical  justice,  I  believe. 

If  I  hadn't  thought  so,  I  would  a-histed  up  my  um- 
brell and  hit  that  septer  of  hern,  and  knocked  that 
globe  out  from  under  her  feet. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS   FAIR.  573 

And  them  four  mountaineers,  a-guardin'  her  with 
rifles  in  their  hands,  might  have  led  me  off  to  prison 
for  it  if  they  had  wanted  too — I  would  a  done  it 
anyway. 

But,  as  I  sez,  I  hope  for  better  things,  and  what 
give  me  the  most  courage  of  anything  about  it  wuz 
that  Justice  had  got  her  bandages  off. 

That  is  jest  what  I  have  wanted  her  to  do  for  a 
long  time.  I  had  advised  Justice  jest  as  if  she  had 
been  my  own  Mother-in-law.  I  had  argued  with 
her  time  and  agin  to  take  that  bandage  offen  her 
eyes. 

And  when  I  see  that  she  had  took  my  advice, 
and  meditated  on  what  happiness  and  freedom  wuz 
ahead  for  my  sect,  and  realized  plain  that  it  wuz 
probable  all  my  doin's — why,  the  proud  and  happy 
emotions  that  swelled  my  breast  most  broke  off 
four  buttons  offen  my  bask  waist.  And  onbeknown 
to  me  I  carried  myself  in  that  proud  and  stately  way 
that  Josiah  asked  me  anxiously — 

"  If  I  had  got  a  crick  in  my  back  ?''" 

I  told  him,  "  Xo,  I  hadn't  got  any  crick,  but  I 
had  proud  and  lofty  emotions  on  the  inside  of  my 
soul  that  no  man  could  give  or  take  away." 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "you  walked  considerable  like  our 
old  peacock  when  she  wants  to  show  off." 

I  pitied  him  for  his  short-sightedness,  but  uncon- 


5/4  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 

sciouslv  I  did,  I  dare  presoom  to  say,  onbend  a 
little  in  my  proud  gait. 

And  we  proceeded  onwards. 

Wall,  on  our  way  home  we  heard  a  bystander 
a-speakin'  about  the  beautiful  vistas,  and  the  other 
one  replied,  and  said  how  wonderful  and  beautiful 
he  considered  'em. 

And  Josiah  sez  to  me,  "Where  be  them  '  Vistas,' 
anyway?  I've  hearn  more  talk  about  'em  than  a 
little — do  they  keep  'em  in  cases,  or  be  thev  rolled 
up  in  rolls?  I  want  to  see  'em,  anyway,"  and  he 
turned  and  went  to  go  into  one  of  the  big  palaces. 
Sez  he,  "  He  seemed  to  be  a-pintin'  this  way  ;  we 
must  have  missed  'em  the  day  we  wuz  here." 

But  1  took  holt  of  his  arm  and  drawed  him  back, 
and  I  pinted  down  the  long,  beautiful  distance,  the 
glorious  view  bounded  by  the  snowy  sculptured 
heights  of  palaces  —  long,  green,  flower-gemmed 
avenues  of  beauty — with  the  blue  waters  a-shinin' 
calm  behind  towerin'  statutes  of  marvellous  concep- 
tion, and  sez  I— 

"  Behold  a  vista  !" 

He  put  on  his  specs  and  looked  clost,  and  sez  he— 

"  I  don't  see  nothin'  out  of  the  common." 

"No,"  sez  I;  "spiritual  things  are  spiritually 
discerned.  The  wind  bloweth  where  it  listeth," 
sez  I. 


CL  -X^-^^ 


Beiiuld  a  vista  !" 


$y6  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"Oh,  bring  up  the  Bible,"  sez  he;  "there  is  a 
time  for  all  things." 

He  acted  real  pudgiky. 

But  I  at  last  got  him  to  understand  what  a  vista 
wuz,  and  I  told  him  that  Mr.  Burnham  and  the 
others  who  had  charge  of  buildin'  this  marvellous 
city  took  no  end  of  pains  to  design  these  marvellous 
picters — more  lovely  than  wuz  ever  painted  on 
canvas  sence  the  world  begun. 

And  sez  I,  as  I  looked  round  me  once  more, 
some  as  Moses  did  on  Pisga's  height,  "and  viewed 
the  landscape  o'er  " — 

Sez  I,  "  I  must  thank  the  head  one  here — I  must 
thank  Director-General  Davis  in  my  own  name,- 
and  in  the  name  of  Jonesville,  and  the  world,  for 
gittin'  up  this  incomparable  spectacle,  the  like  of 
which  will  never  be  seen  agin  by  livin'  eyes." 

And  if  you'll  believe  it,  I  hadn't  hardly  finished 
speakin'  when  who  should  come  towards  us  but 
General  Davis  himself.  I  knew  him  in  a  minute, 
for  his  picter  had  been  printed  in  papers  as  many 
as  two  or  three  times  since  the  Fair  begun — it 
wuz  a  real  good-lookin'  face,  anyway,  in  a  paper 
or  out  of  it. 

And  I  gathered  up  the  folds  of  my  cotton  um- 
brell  more  gracefully  in  my  left  hand,  and  kinder 
shook  out  the  drapery  of  my  alpaca  skirt,  and  wuz 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  577 

jest  advancin'  to  accost  him,  when  Josiah  laid  holt 
of  my  arm  and  whispered  in  a  sharp  axent — - 

"  I  won't  have  it.  You  hain't  a-goin'  to  stop 
and  visit  with  that  man." 

I  faced  him  with  dignity  and  with  some  madness 
in  my  liniment,  and  sez  I,  "Why?" 

Sez  he,  "  Do  you  ask  why  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  with  that  same  noble,  riz-up  look 
on  my  eyebrow — "why?" 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  a-lookin'  kinder  meachin',  "I 
want  sunthin'  to  eat,  and  you'd  probable  talk  a 
hour  with  him  by  the  way  you've  praised  up  his 
doin's  here." 

By  this  time  General  Davis  wuz  fur  away. 

And  I  sithed,  when  I  thought  on't,  what  he'd 
lost  by  not  receivin'  my  eloquent  and  heartfelt 
thanks,  and  what  I'd  lost  in  not  givin'  'em. 

I  d'no  as  Josiah  was  jealous — mebby  he  wuzn't. 
But  General  Davis  is  considerable  handsome,  and 
Josiah  can't  bear  to  have  me  praise  up  any  man, 
livin'  or  dead.  Sometimes  I  have  almost  mis- 
trusted that  he  didn't  like  to  have  me  praise  up  St. 
Paul  too  much,  or  David,  or  Job — or  he  don't 
seem  to  care  so  much  about  Job.  But,  as  I  say, 
mebby  it  wuzn't  jealousy — his  appetite  is  good  ; 
mebby  it  was  hunsrer. 


CHAPTER  XIX. 

Wall,  this  mornin',  on  our  way  to  the  grounds,  I 
scz  to  Josiah — 

"There  is  one  thing  that  1  want  you  to  do  the  first 
thing  to-day,  and  that  is  for  you  to  see  that  good 
creeter,  Senator  Palmer." 

Sez  I,  "  I  jest  happened  to  read  this  mornin'  how 
he's  takin'  up  a  subseription  to  help  the  Duke  of 
Veragua,  and  we  must  see  him  and  help  the  eause 
along."  Sez  I,  "  I  can't  bear  to  think  of  Colum- 
buses  folks  a-sufferin'  for  things." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  Let  Columbuses  folks  nip  in  and 
work  jest  as  I  do,  and  they'll  git  along." 

"They  hain't  been  brung  up  to  it,"  sez  I  ;  "  I 
don't  spoze  he  ever  ploughed  a  acre  of  land  in  his 
life,  or  sheared  a  sheep.  And  I  don't  spoze  she 
knows  what  it  is  to  pick  a  goose,  or  do  a  two  weeks' 
washin'." 

I'm  sorry  for  'em  as  I  can  be.  And  to  think  that 
that  villain  of  a  Manager  should  have  run  away 
with  that  money  while  they  wuz  over  here  a-helpin' 
their  fore-fathers  birthday  ! 

Sez  I,  "  It  makes  me  feel  like  death." 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR.  579 

"  It  makes  me  feel,"  sez  Josiah  gloomily,  "  that 
no  knowin'  hut  the  Old  Harry  will  git  into  Ury 
while  we  are  away." 

But  I  sez,  "Don't  worry,  Josiah  —  Ury  and 
Philura  are  pure  gold." 

"  Wall,  dum  it  all,  pure  gold  can  be  melted  if  the 
fire  is  hot  enough." 

But  I  went  back  to  the  old  subject — "  We  must 
give  sunthin'  to  the  cause  ;  it  will  be  expected  of  us, 
and  it  is  right  that  we  should." 

"  But,"  sez  Josiah,  with  a  gloomy  and  fierce  look, 
"  if  I  can  git  out  of  Chicago  with  a  hull  shirt  on  my 
back  it's  all  I  expect  to  do.  I  hain't  no  money  to 
spend  on  Dukes,  and  you'll  say  so  when  we  come 
to  pay  our  bills." 

Sez  I,  "  You  needn't  send  any  money,  Josiah 
Allen  ;  but,"  sez  I,  "  we  might  send  'em  a  tub  of  but- 
ter and  a  kag  of  cowcumber  pickles  jest  as  well  as 
not,  and  a  ham,  to  help  'em  along  through  the 
winter,  and  I'd  gladly  send  him  and  her  yarn  enough 
for  a  good  pair  of  socks  and  stockin's.  She  might 
knit  em,"  sez  I,  "or  I  would.  I'll  send  him  a  pair 
of  fringe  mittens  anyway,"  sez  I  ;  "it  hain't  noways 
likely  that  she  knows  how  to  make  them.  They 
take  intellect  and  practice  to  knit." 

And  sez  I,  "  I  want  you  to  be  sure  and  see 
Senator  Palmer  without  fail,  and  tell  him  to  be  sure 


$80  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

and  let  us  know  when  he  sends  things,  so's  we  can 
put  in  and  add  our  two  mites." 

Sez  he,  "  The  money  has  gone." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  am  a  disap'inted  creeter.  I 
wanted  to  do  my  part  towards  gittin'  them  good, 
noble  folks  enough  to  live  on  till  Spring." 

Sez  Josiah  (and  mebby  it  wuz  to  git  my  attention 
off  from  the  subject,  which  he  felt  wuz  perilous  to 
his  pocket — he  is  clost) — sez  he,  "  There  is  one  man 
here,  Samantha,  that  I'd  give  a  cent  to  see." 

Sez  I,  "Who  is  it  that  you  are  willin'  to  make 
such  a  extraordinary  outlay  for  ?" 

"  The  Rager,"  sez  he. 

"  The  Rager,"  sez  I  dreamily  ;  "  who's  that  ?" 

"Why,  the  Rager  from  India.  I  spoze,"  sez  he, 
"  that  he  is  one  of  the  raginest  men  that  you  ever 
see.  He  took  his  name  from  that,  most  likely,  and 
to  intimidate  his  subjects.  Now,  King  or  Emperor 
don't  strike  the  same  breathless  terror  ;  but  Rager — - 
why,  jest  the  name  is  enough  to  make  'em  behave." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "if  the  Monarch  of  Ingy  is  here 
I  must  see  him,  and  git  him  not  to  burn  any  more 
widders  with  their  dead  pardners."  Sez  I,  "  It's  a 
clear  waste  of  widders,  besides  bein'  wicked  as  wick- 
ed can  be.  Widders  is  handy,"  sez  I,  "now  to  keep 
boardin'-housen,  or  to  go  round  as  agents.  Old 
maids   hain't   nothin'   by  the  side  of  'em',  and  they 


SAMANTHA  AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR.  5S1 

look  so  sort  0'  respectable  behind  their  black  veils, 
and  then  they  are  needed  so  for  the  widdower  sup- 
ply— and  that  market  is  always  full."  Sez  I,  "  I  don't 
want  'em  wasted,  and  I  want  the  wickedness  to  be 
stopped. 

"  And  then  to  insist  on  marryin'  so  many  wimmen. 
I'd  love  to  labor  with  him,  and  convince  him  that 
one's  enough." 

"  It  seems  to  me,"  sez  Josiah,  "  that  I  could  make 
him  know  that  one's  enough.  It  seems  as  if  any  mar- 
ried man  might.    Heaven  knows,  it  seems  so  !"  sez  he. 

I  didn't  like  his  axent.  There  seemed  to  be 
some  iron  in  it,  but  I  wouldn't  dane  to  parley. 

"And  then,"  sez  I,  "their  makin'  their  wimmen 
wear  veils  all  the  time.  What  a  foolish  habit  !  What's 
the  use  on't  ?  Smotherin'  'em  half  to  death,  and 
wearin'  out  their  veils  for  nothin'. 

"And  then  I'd  make  him  educate  'em — gin  'em  a 
chance,"  sez  I  ;  "but  whether  he  gives  it  or  not  the 
bell  of  Freedom  is  a-echoin'  clear  from  Wyomin'  to 
Ingv,  and  it  sounds  clear  under  them  veils.  They 
will  be  throwed  off  whether  he  is  willin'  or  not,  and 
I'd  love  to  tell  him  so." 

Sez  Josiah,  "I  guess  it  will  be  as  the  Rager  sez." 

"No,"  sez  I  solemnly;  "it  will  be  as  the  Lord 
sez,  and  He  is  callin'  to  wimmen  all  over  the  earth, 
and  they  are  answerin'  the  call." 


582  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

But  we  hearn  afterwards  that  Josiah  had  got  it 
wrong — it  wuz  Ragah — R-a-g-a-h — instead  of  Rager 
— and  he  wuz  one  of  the  most  sensiblest  fellers  that 
ever  stepped  on  our  shores  in  royal  shoes.  He 
paid  his  own  bills,  wuz  modest,  and  intelligent, 
wanted  to  git  information  instead  of  idolatry  from 
the  American  people.  He  didn't  want  no  ball,  no 
bowin'  and  backin'  off — no  escort.  No  chance  at 
all  here  for  the  Ward  McAllisters  to  show  off,  and 
act. 

He  acted  like  a  good  sensible  American  man, 
some  as  our  son  Thomas  Jefferson  would  act  if  he 
should  go  over  to  his  neighborhood  on  business. 

He  wanted  to  see  for  himself  the  life  of  the 
Americans,  the  way  the  common  people  lived — he 
wanted  to  git  information  to  help  his  own  people. 

And  he  wanted  to  see  Edison  the  most  of  all. 
That  in  itself  would  make  him  congenial  to  me.  1 
myself  think  of  Edison  side  by  side  with  Christopher 
Columbus,  and  I  guess  the  high  chair  he  sets  on  up 
in  my  mind,  with  his  lap  full  of  his  marvellous  dis- 
coveries, is  a  little  higher  than  Columbuses  high 
chair. 

Oh,  how  congenial  the  Ragah  of  Kahurthalia 
would  be  !  How  I  wish  we  could  have  visited 
together!  But  it  wuzn't  to  be,  for  Josiah  said  that 
he'd  gone  the  night  before,  so  we  wended  on. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  583 

Wall,  we  hadn't  more  than  got  into  the  grounds 
this  mornin'  when  Josiah  hearn  a  bystander  a-stand- 
in'  near  tell  another  one  about  the  Ferris  Wheel. 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "you  jest  git  into  one  of  them 
ears,  and  you  are  carried  up  so  that  it  seems  as  if  you 
can  see  the  hull  world  at  your  feet." 

Josiah  turned  right  round  in  his  tracts,  and  sez 
he,  "  Where  can  I  find  that  wheel  ?" 

And   the   man   sez,  "On  the  Midway  Plaisancc." 

And  Josiah  sez,  "Where  is  that?" 

And  the  man  pinted  out  the  nearest  way,  and 
nothin'  to  do  but  what  we  must  set  out  to  find  that 
wheel,  and  go  up  in  one. 

I  counselled  caution  and  delay,  but  to  no  effect. 
That  wheel  had  got  to  be  found  to  once,  and  both 
on  us  took  up  in  it. 

I  dreaded  the  job. 

Wall,  the  Plaisancc  begins  not  fur  back  of  the 
Woman's  Buildin'.  It  is  a  strip  of  land  about  six 
hundred  feet  wide  and  a  mild  in  length,  connecting 
Washington  Park  with  Jackson  Park,  where  Colum- 
bus has  his  doin's,  and  it  comes  out  at  the  Fair 
Ground  right  behind  the  Woman's  Buildin'. 

Josiah  jest  wanted  to  rush  along,  clamorin'  for  the 
wheel,  and  not  lookin'  for  nothin'  on  either  side  till 
he  found  it. 

But  I  wuz  firm  in  this  as  a  rock,  that  if  I  went  at 


5K4  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

all  I  would  go  megum  actio'  and  quiet,  and  look  at 
everything  we  come  to. 

And  wuzn't  there  enough  to  look  at  jest  in  the 
street  ?  Folks  of  all  nations  under  the  earth. 
They  seemed  like  the  leaves  of  a  forest,  or  the  sands 
of  the  sea,  if  them  sands  and  leaves  wuz  turned  into 
men,  wimmen,  and  children — high  hats,  bunnets, 
umbrells,  fans,  canes,  parasols,  turbans,  long  robes, 
and  short  ones,  gay  ones,  bright  ones,  feathers,  sedan 
chairs,  bijous,  rollin'  chairs,  Shacks — or  that  is  how 
Josiah  pronounced  it.  I  told  him  that  they  wuz 
spelt  S-h-e-i-k-s. 

But  he  sez  that  you  could  tell  that  they  wuz 
Shacks  by  the  looks  on  'em. 

Truly  it  wuz  a  sight — a  sight  what  we  see  in  that 
street.  Why,  it  wuz  like  payin'  out  some  thousand 
dollars,  and  with  two  trunks,  and  onmeasured 
fatigue,  spend  years  and  years  travellin'  over  the 
world. 

Why,  we  seemed  to  be  a-journeyin'  through  for- 
eign countries,  a-carryin'  the  thought  with  us  that 
we  took  our  breakfast  in  our  own  hum,  and  that  we 
should  sleep  there  that  night,  but  for  all  that  we 
wuz  in  Turkey,  and  Japan,  and  Dahomey,  and  Lap- 
land, etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Wall,  the  first  thing  we  come  to  as  we  begun  on 
the  right  side — and  anybody  with  my  solid  principles 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  585 

wouldn't  begin  on  any  other  side  but  the  sheep's 
side — we  wouldn't  begin  on  the  goats — no,  indeed  ! 

The  first  thing  we  come  to  wuz  the  Match  Com- 
pany. Here  you  could  see  everything  about  makin' 
matches,  and  when  you  consider  how  hard  it  would 
be  to  go  back  to  the  old  way  of  strikin'  light  with  a 
flint,  and  traipsin'  off  to  the  neighbors  to  borrow  a 
few  coals  on  a  January  mornin',  you  will  know 
how  interestin'  that  exhibit  wuz. 

And  then  come  the  International  Dress  and 
Costume  Company — all  the  different  countries  of 
the  globe  show  their  home  life  and  costumes. 

And  I  sez  to  Josiah,  "  If  this  Fair  had  been  put 
off  ten  years,  or  even  five,  I  believe  the  American 
wimmen  would  show  a  costume  less  adapted  to 
squeezin'  the  life  out  of  'em,  and  scrapin'  up  all 
the  filth  and  disease  in  the  streets,  and  rakin'  it 
hum." 

And  Josiah  sez,  "Oh,  do  come  along!  we  shan't 
git  to  that  wheel  to-day  if  you  dally  so,  and  begin  to 
talk  about  wimmen  and  their  doin's." 

Then  come  the  Workin'  Man's  I  lome  in  Philadel- 
phia. Then  the  Libby  Glass  Works,  and  when  Josiah 
discovered  it  wuz  free,  he  willin'lv  accedded  to  my 
request  to  walk  in  and  look  round.  lie  told  me 
from  the  first  on't  that  he  wuzn't  goin'  to  pay  out  a 
cent  of  money  there.      Sez  lie,  "We  can  see  enough 


588  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

wove  into  twelve  yards  of  cloth,  and  sent  to  a  dress- 
maker in  New  York,  who  fitted  it  to  the  Princess 
on  her  last  days  in  the  city.  It  is  low  neck  and 
short  sleeves,  and  has  a  row  of  glass  fringe  round 
the  bottom,  and  soft  glass  niching  round  the  neck 
and  sleeves.  It  looks  some  like  pure  white  satin, 
and  some  different.  It  is  as  beautiful  as  any  dress 
ever  could  be,  and  Eulaly  will  look  real  sweet  in  it. 
She'll  be  sorry  to  not  have  me  see  her  in  it,  I  hain't 
a  doubt. 

And  oh,  how  I  did  wish,  as  I  looked  at  it,  that 
her  ancestor  could  have  seen  it,  and  meditated  how 
pert  and  forwards  the  land  wuz  that  he'd  discovered  ! 

Glass  dresses — the  idee  ! 

But  Josiah  looked  kinder  oneasy  all  the  time  that 
I  wuz  a-lookin'  at  it  ;  he  wuz  afraid  of  what  thoughts 
I  might  be  entertainin'  in  my  mind  onbeknown  to 
him,  and  he  hurried  me  onwards. 

But  the  very  next  place  we  come  to  he  wuz  still 
more  anxious  to  proceed  rapidly,  for  this  wuz  the 
Irish  Village,  where  native  wimmen  make  the  fa- 
mous Irish  laces. 

It  wuz  a  perfect  Irish  village,  lackin'  the  dirt,  and 
broken  winders,  and   the   neighborly  pigs,  and  etc. 

At  one  end  of  it  is  the  exact  reproduction  of  the 
ancient  castle  Donegal,  famed  in  song  and  story.  In 
the  rooms   of  this  castle  the  lace   wuz  exhibited — 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR 


589 


beautiful  laces  as  I  ever  see,  or  want  to  see,  and 
piles  and  piles  of  it,  and  of  every  beautiful  pattern. 
I  did  hanker  for  some  of  it  to  trim  a  night-cap. 
As  I  told  Josiah,  "  I  wouldn't  give  a  cent  for  any  of 
the  white  lace  dresses,  not  if  I  had  to  wear  'em,  or 
white  lace  cloaks."  Sez  I,  "  I'd  feel  like  a  fool 
a-goin'  to  meetin'  or  to  the  store  to  carry  off  butter 


But  it  is  so  stylish,  Samantha,  and    it  only  costs  ten  cents.' 


with  a  white  lace  dress  on,  or  a  white  lace  mantillv, 
but  I  would  love  dearly  to  own  some  of  that  narrer 
lace  for  a  night-cap  border." 

But  his  anxiety  wuz  extreme  to  go  on  that  very 
instant. 

lie  wanted  to  see  the  Blarney  stun  on  top  of  the 
tower  of  the  castle.  It  is  a  stun  about  as  big  as 
Josiah's    hat,    let    down    below  the    floor,    so's    you 


590  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

have  to  stoop  way  down  to  even  see  it,  let  alone 
kissin'  it. 

Josiah  wuz  very  anxious  to  kiss  it,  but  I  frowned 
on  the  needless  expense. 

Sez  I,  "  Men  don't  need  to  kiss  it  ;  Blarney  is 
horn  in  'em,  as  you  may  say,  and  is  nateral  nater  to 
'em." 

Sez  he,  "  But  it  is  so  stylish  to  embrace  it,  Saman- 
tha,  and  it  only  costs  ten  cents." 

"  But,"  I  sez  firmly,  "you  hain't  a-goin'  to  kiss  no 
chunk  of  Chicago  stun,  Josiah  Allen,  or  pay  out 
your  money  for  demeanin'  yourself." 

Sez  I,  "The  original  Blarney  stun  is  right  there 
in  its  place  in  the  tower  of  Blarney  Castle  in  Ire- 
land.     Tt  hain't  been  touched,  and  couldn't  be." 

"  I  don't  believe  that  Lady  Aberdeen  would  allow 
no  sech  works  to  go  on,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  "  Lady  Aberdeen  can't  help  herself.  How 
can  a  minister  keep  the  hull  of  his  congregation 
from  lyin'  ?" 

Sez  I,  "  She  is  one  of  the  nicest  wimmen  in  the 
world — one  of  the  few  noble  ones  that  reach  down 
from  high  places,  and  lift  up  the  lowly,  and  help  the 
world.  I  don't  spoze  she  knows  about  the  Blarney 
stun.  And  don't  you  go  to  tellin'  her,"  sez  I 
severely,  "and  hurt  her  feelin's." 

Sez  he,  in  a  morbid  tone,  "We  hain't  been  in  the 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


591 


habit  of  visitin'  back  and  forth,  and  probable  if  we 
wuz,  you'd  tell  her  before  I  could  if  you  got  a 
chance.     Wimmen  have  sech  long  tongues." 

He  wuz  mad,  as   I   could  see,  about  my  breakin' 


^n^tay 


He    found   the    next    place  we   entered    full  of  dangers  to  his 
pocket-book. 


up   his  fashionable  performance  with  that  Chicago 
rock,  but  T  didn't  care. 

I  merely  sez,  "If  you  want  to  do  anything  to 
remember  the  place,  you  can  buy  me  a  yard  and  a 
half  of  linen  lace  to  trim  that  night-cap,  or  a  under- 
clothe,  Josiah."  Hut  he  acted  agitated  here,  and 
sez  he,  "  I  presoom  that  it  is  cotton  lace." 


592  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

Sez  T,  "  I  wish  you'd  be  megum,  Josiah  Allen. 
This  lace  is  perfectly  beautiful,  and  it  is  jest  what 
they  say  it  is. 

"And  what  a  noble  thing  it  wuz,"  sez  I,  "for 
Lady  Aberdeen  to  do  to  gin  these  poor  Irish  lace- 
makers  a  start  that  mebbywill  lift  'em  right  up  into 
prosperity;  and  spozen,"  sez  I,  "that  you  buy  me  a 
yard  or  two  ?" 

But  he  fairly  tore  me  away  from  the  spot.  He 
acted  fearful  agitated. 

But  alas  !  for  him,  he  found  the  next  place  we 
entered  also  exceedin'ly  full  of  dangers  to  his 
pocket-book,  for  this  wuz  a  Japanese  Bazaar,  where 
every  kind  of  queer,  beautiful  manufactures  can  be 
bought — 

Rugs,  bronzes,  lacquer  work,  bamboo  work,  fans, 
screens,  more  tea-cups  than  you  ever  see  before,  and 
little  silk  napkins  of  all  colors,  where  you  can  have 
your  name  wove  right  in  it  before  your  eyes,  and 
etcetry,  etcetry.  Here  also  the  peculiar  fire  depart- 
ment of  the  Japanese  is  kept. 

The  next  large  place  is  occupied  by  the  Javanese  ; 
this  concession  and  the  one  right  acrost  the  road 
south  of  it  is  called  the  "  Dutch  Settlement,"  because 
the  villages  wuz  got  up  by  a  lot  of  Dutch  mer- 
chants. 

But  the  people  are  from  the  Figi,  Philippine,  and 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  593 

Solomon  Islands,  Samoa,  Java,  Borneo,  New  Zea- 
land, and  the  Polnesian  Archipelagoes. 

Jest  think  on't !  there  Josiah  Allen  and  I  wuz 
a-travellin'  way  off  to  places  too  fur  to  be  reached 
only  by  our  strainin'  fancy — places  that  we  never 
expected  or  drempt  that  we  could  see  with  our  mor- 
tal eyes  only  in  a  gography. 

Here  I  wuz  a-walkin'  right  through  their  country 
villages  with  my  faithful  pardner  by  my  side,  and 
my  old  cotton  umbrell  in  my  hand,  a-seemin'  to 
anchor  me  to  the  present  while  I  floated  off  into 
strange  realms. 

All  these  different  countries  show  their  native  in- 
dustries. 

We  went  into  the  Japanese  Village,  under  a  high 
arch,  all  fixed  off  with  towers,  and  wreaths,  and 
swords — dretful  ornimental. 

There  wuz  more  than  a  hundred  natives  here. 
Their  housen  are  back  in  the  inclosure,  and  their 
work-shops  in  front,  and  in  these  shops  and  porti- 
cos are  carried  on  right  before  your  eyes  even'  trade 
known  in  Japan,  and  jest  as  they  do  it  at  home — 
carvers,  carpenters,  spinners,  weavers,  dyers,  mu- 
sicians, etc.,  etc.  The  colorin'  they  do  is  a  sight 
to  see,  and  takes  almost  a  lifetime  to  learn. 

The  housen  of  this  village  are  mostly  made  of 
bamboo — not     a    nail     used    in   the    place.       Why, 


594  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 

sometimes  one  hull  side  of  their  housen  would  be 
made  of  a  mat  of  braided  bamboo.  Bamboo  is 
used  by  them  for  food,  shelter,  war  implements 
medicine,  musical  instruments,  and  everything  else. 
Their  housen  wuz  made  in  Japan,  and  brung  over 
here  and  set  up  by  native  workmen.  They  have 
thatched  ruffs  and  kinder  open-work  sides,  dretful 
curious-lookin',  and  on  the  wide  porticos  of  these 
housen  little  native  wimmen  set  and  embroider,  and 
wind  skeins  of  gay-colored  cotton,  and  play  with 
their  little  brown  black-eyed  babies. 

The  costumes  of  the  Japanese  look  dretful  curious 
to  us  ;  their  loose  gay-colored  robes  and  turbans,  and 
sandals,  etc.,  look  jest  as  strange  as  Josiah's  panta- 
loons and  hat,  and  my  bask  waist  duz  to  them,  I 
spoze. 

They're  a  pleasant  little  brown  people,  always 
polite — that  is  learnt  'cm  as  regular  as  any  other 
lesson.  Then  there  is  another  thing  that  our  civil- 
ized race  could  learn  of  the  heathen  ones. 

Missionaries  that  we  send  out  to  teach  the 
heathen  let  their  own  children  sass  'em  and  run 
over  'em.  That  is  the  reason  that  they  act  so  sassy 
when  they're  growed  up.  Politeness  ort  to  be  learnt 
young,  even  if  it  has  to  be  stomped  in  with 
spanks. 

The     Japanese    are    a    child-like     people     easily 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  595 

pleased,  easily  grieved — laughin'  and  cryin'  jest  like 
children. 

They  work  all  day,  not  fast  enough  to  hurt  'em, 
and  at  nightfall  they  go  out  and  play  all  sorts  of 
native  games. 

That's  a  good  idee.  I  wish  that  Jonesvillians 
would  foller  it.  You'd  much  better  be  shootin' 
arrers  from  blowpipes  than  to  blow  round  and  jaw 
your  household.  And  you'd  much  better  be  run- 
nin'  a  foot  race  than  runnin'  your  neighbors. 

They've  got  a  theatre  where  they  perform  their 
native  dances  and  plays,  and  one  man  sets  behind  a 
curtain  and  duz  all  the  conversation  for  all  the  actors. 
I  spoze  he  changes  his  voice  some  for  the  different 
folks. 

Wall,  I  led  Josiah  off  towards  the  church,  where 
all  the  articles  of  furniture  is  a  big  bamboo  chair, 
wrhere  the  priest  sets  and  meditates  when  he  thinks 
his  people  needs  his  thought. 

I  d'no  but  it  helps  'em  some,  if  he  thinks  hard 
enough — thoughts  are  dretful  curious  things,  any- 
way. 

Josiah  and  I  took  considerable  comfort  a-wander- 
in'  round  and  seein'  all  we  could,  and  noticin'  how 
kind  0'  turned  round  things  wuz  from  Jonesville 
idees. 

Now,  they  had    some   queer-lookin'   little    store- 


59^  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

housen,  and  for  all  the  world  they  opened  at  the  top 
instead  of  the  sides,  to  keep  the  snakes  out  of  the 
rice  in  their  native  land,  so  they  said. 

Josiah  wuz  jest  crazy  to  have  one  made  like  it. 

"  Why,"  sez  he,  "  think  of  the  safety  on't,  Saman- 
tha  !  Who'd  ever  think  of  goin'  into  a  corn  house 
on  top  if  they  wanted  to  steal  some  corn  ?" 

But  I  sez,  "  Foreign  customs  have  got  to  be 
adopted  with  megumness,  Josiah  Allen."  Sez  I, 
"  With  your  rumatiz,  how  would  you  climb  up 
on't  a  dozen  times  a  day  ?" 

He  hadn't  thought  of  that,  and  he  gin  up  the 
idee. 

Then  the  ideal  figger  of  the  Japanese  wimmen  is 
narre.r  shoulders  and  big  waist. 

And  though  I  hailed  the  big  waist  joyfully,  I 
drawed  the  line  at  the  narrer  shoulders. 

They  have  long  poles  about  their  housen,  with 
holes  bored  in  'em,  through  which  the  wind  blows 
with  a  mournful  sort  of  a  voice,  and  they  think  that 
that  noise  skairs  away  evil  sperits. 

When  they  come  here  each  of  their  little  veran- 
das had  a  cage  with  a  sacred  bird  in  it  to  coax  the 
good  sperits  ;  they  all  died  off,  and  now  they've  got 
some  pigens  for  'em,  and  made  'em  think  that  they 
wuz  sacred  birds. 

And  Josiah,  as  he  see  'em,  instinctively  sez,  "  Dum 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR.  597 

'em,  I'd  rather  have  the  evil  sperits  themselves  round 
than  them  pigens,  any  time." 

He  hates  'em,  and  I  spoze  they  do  pull  up  seeds 
considerable. 

Them  Japanese  wimmen  are  dretful  cheerful- 
lookin',  and  Josiah  and  I  talked  about  it  considera- 
ble. 

Sez  Josiah,  "  It's  queer  when,  accordin' to  their  be- 
lief, a  man's  horse  can  go  to  Heaven,  but  their  wives 
can't  ;  but  the  minute  they  leave  this  world  another 
celestial  wife  meets  him,  and  he  and  his  earth  wife 
parts  forever.  It  is  queer,''  sez  he,  "  how  under 
them  circumstances  that  the  wimmen  can  look  so 
happy." 

And  I  sez,  "  It  can't  be  that  they  hail  anhialation 
as  a  welcome  rest  from  married  life,  can  it  ?" 

Josiah  acted  mad,  and  sez  he,  "  I'd  be  a  fool  if  I 
wuz  in  your  place  !" 

And  bein'  kinder  mad,  he  snapped  out,  "Them 
wimmen  don't  look  as  if  they  knew  much  more 
than  monkeys  ;  compared  to  American  wimmen,  it's 
a  sight." 

But  I  sez,  "  You  can't  always  tell  by  looks,  Josiah 
Allen."  Sez  I.  "  As  small  as  they  be,  they've  showed 
some  of  the  greatest  qualities  since  they've  been  here 
—Constancy,  Fidelity,  Love." 

Now    one    of  them  females  lost  a  baby  while  she 


598  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

wuz  here.  Did  she  act  as  some  of  our  fashionable 
American  wimmen  do  ?  No.  They  own  twenty 
Saritoga  trunks,  and  wear  their  entire  contents,  but 
they  do,  as  is  well  known,  commit  crime  to  evade 
the  cares  of  motherhood. 

But  this  little  woman  right  here  in  Chicago,  she 
jest  laid  down  broken-hearted  and  died  because  her 
baby  died.      Her  true  heart  broke. 

Little  and  humbly,  no  doubt,  and  not  many  clothes 
on,  but  from  a  upper  view  I  wonder  if  her  soul 
don't  look  better  than  the  civilized,  fashionably 
dressed  murderess  ? 

There  wuz  theatres  here  with  dancin'  girls  goin' 
as  fur  ahead,  they  said,  of  Louie  Fuller  and  Carmen- 
citi  as  them  two  go  ahead  of  Josiah  and  Deacon 
Sypher  as  skirt-dancers. 

I  guess  that  Josiah  Allen  would  have  gone  in, 
regardless  of  price,  to  see  this  sight,  so  onbecomin' 
to  a  deacon  and  a  grandfather,  but  I  broke  it  up  at 
the  first  hint  he  gin.  Sez  I,  "What  would  your  pas- 
ture say  to  your  ondertakin'  such  a  enterprise? 
What  would  be  the  opinion  of  Jonesville  ?" 

"  Dum  it  all,"  sez  he  ;  "  David  danced  before  the 
Ark." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "I  hain't  seen  no  ark,  and  I 
hain't  seen  no  David."  Sez  I  reasonably,  "I 
wouldn't   object    to   your   seein'    David   dance  if   he 


Oh,  wall,  have  your  own  way,"  sez  he,  and  we  wandered 
into  the  German  Village. 


600  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

wuz  here  and  I  wouldn't  object  to  your  seein'  the 
Ark." 

"  Oh,  wall,  have  your  own  way,  sez  he,  and  we 
wandered  into  the  German  Village. 

The  German  Village  represents  housen  in  the 
upper  Bavarian  Mountains. 

There  are  thirty-six  different  buildin's.  Inside 
the  village  is  a  Country  Fair,  the  German  Concert 
Garden,  a  Water  Tower,  and  two  Restaurants, 
Tyrolese  dancers,  Beer  Hall,  etc. 

In  the  centre  is  a  16th  century  castle,  with  moat 
round  it,  and  palisades. 

Josiah  wuz  all  took  up  with  this,  and  said  "how 
he  would  love  to  have  a  moat  round  our  house." 
Sez  he,  "Jest  let  some  folks  that  I  know  try  to  git 
in,  wouldn't  I  jest  hist  up  the  drawbridge  and  drop 
'em  outside  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "  Heaven  knows,  Josiah,  that  sech  a 
thing  would  be  convenient  ofttimes,  but,"  sez  I, 
"  anxieties  and  annoyances  have  a  way  of  swimmin' 
moats,  you  can't  keep  'em  out." 

But  he  said  "that  he  believed  that  he  and  Ury 
could  dig  a  moat,  and  rig  up  a  drawbridge."  And 
to  git  his  mind  off  on't  I  hurried  him  on. 

Inside  the  castle  is  a  dretful  warlike-lookin'  group 
of  iron  men,  all  dressed  up  in  full  uniform,  and  there 
wuz  all  kinds  of  weepons  and  armor  of  German}-. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  6oi 

The  Town  Hall  of  this  village  is  a  museum. 

In  the  village  market-place  is  sold  all  kinds  of 
German  goods.  Two  bands  of  music  pipe  up,  and 
everybody  is  a-talkin'  German.  It  made  it  consid- 
erable lively  to  look  at,  but  not  so  edifyin'  to  us  as 
if  we  knew  a  word  they  said. 

And  then  come  the  Street  of  Cairo,  a  exact  rep- 
resentation of  one  of  the  most  picturesque  streets  in 
old  Cairo,  with  queer-lookin'  kinder  square  housen, 
and  some  of  the  winders  stood  open,  through  which 
we  got  lovely  views  of  a  inner  court,  with  green 
shrubs,  and  flowers,  and  fountains. 

On  both  sides  of  this  street  are  dance  halls, 
mosques,  and  shops  filled  with  manufactures  from 
Arabia  and  the  Soudan.  In  the  Museum  are  many 
curious  curiosities  from  Cairo  and  Alexandria. 

And  the  street  is  filled  with  dogs,  and  donkeys, 
and  children  and  fortune-tellers,  and  dromedaries, 
and  sedan  chairs,  with  their  bearers,  and  camels,  and 
birds,  and  vvimmen  with  long  veils  on  coverin'  most 
of  their  faces,  jest  their  eves  a-peerin'  out  as  if  they 
would  love  to  git  acquainted  with  the  strange  East- 
ern world,  where  wimmen  walk  with  faces  uncovered, 
and  swung  out  into  effort  and  achievement. 

I  guess  they  wuz  real  good-lookin'.  I  know  that 
the  men  with  their  turbans  and  long  robes  looked 
quite  well,  though  odd.      In  the  shops  wuz  the  most 


602 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 


beautiful  jewelry  and  precious  stuns,  and  queer- 
lookin'  but  magnificent  silk  goods,  and  cotton,  and 
lamps,  and  leather  goods,  and  weepons,  etc.,  etc., 
etc. 

Wall,  right  there,  as  we  wuz  a-wanderin'  through 
that  street,  from  the  handsomest  of  the  residences 
streamed  forth  a  bridal  procession. 
The  bride  wuz  dressed  in  gorgeous 
array  of  the  beautiful  fabrics  of  the 
East. 

And  the  bridegroom,  with  a  train 
of  haughty-lookin'  Arabs  follerin'  him, 
all  swept  down  the  streets  towards 
the  Mosque,  with  music  a-soundin' 
out,  and  flowers  a-bein'  throwed  at 
'em,  and  boys  a-yellin',  and  dogs 
a-barkin',  etc.,  etc. 

I  drew  my  pardner  out  of  the  way, 
for  he  stood  open-mouthed  with  ad- 
miration a-starin'  at  the  bride,  and  almost  rooted  to 
the  spot. 

But  I  drawed  him  back,  and  sez  I,  "  If  you've 
got  to  be  killed  here,  Josiah  Allen,  I  don't  want  you 
killed  by  a  Arab." 

And  he  sez,  "  I  d'no  but  I'd  jest  as  lieves  be  kill- 
ed by  a  Arab  as  a  Turkey. 

"  But,"   sez  he,    "you  tend  to  yourself,  and  I'll 


A-starin'  at  the 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  603 

tend  to  myself.  I  wuz  jest  a-studyin'  human  nater, 
Samantha." 

And  that  wuz  all  the  thanks  I  got  for  rescuin'  him. 

It  wuz  jest  as  interestin'  to  walk  through  that 
village  as  it  would  he  to  go  to  Egypt,  and  more  so 
— for  we  felt  eonsiderable  safer  right  under  Unele 
Sam's  right  arm,  as  it  wuz — for  here  we  wuz  way  off 
in  Africa,  amongst  their  minarets  and  shops,  and 
tents,  men,  wimmen,  and  children  in  their  strange 
garbs,  dancin,'  playin'  music,  cookin'  and  servin' 
their  food,  jest  as  though  they  wuz  to  hum,  and 
we  wuz  neighborin'  with  'em,  jest  as  nateral  as  we 
neighbor  to  hum  with  Sister  Henzv  or  she  that 
wuz  Submit  Tewksbury. 

Then  there  wuz  some  native  Arabs  with  'em  who 
wuz  a-eatin'  scorpions,  and  a-luggin'  round  snakes, 
and  a-cuttin'  and  piercin'  themselves  with  wicked- 
lookin'  weepons,  and  eatin'  glass  ;  I  wuz  glad  enough 
to  git  out  of  there.  I  hate  daggers,  and  abominate 
snakes,  and  always  did. 

And  then  I  knew  what  a  case  Josiah  Allen  is  to 
imitate  and  toiler  new-fangled  idees,  and  I  didn't 
want  my  new  glass  butter  dish  and  cream  piteher 
to  fall  a  victim  to  his  experiments. 

Wall,  next  come  Algeria  and  Tunis,  and  then 
Tunicks  showed  jest  how  they  lived  and  moved  in 
their  own  Barberv's  state. 


604  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

Their  housen  are  beautiful,  truly  Oriental — white, 
with  decorations  of  pale  green,  blue,  and  vermilion. 

One  is  a  theatre  that  will  hold  600  folks. 

Then  comes  the  panorama  of  the  big  volcano 
Kilauana. 

They  couldn't  bring  the  volcano  with  'em,  as 
volcanoes  can't  be  histed  round  and  lifted  up  on 
camels,  or  packed  with  sawdust,  specially  when 
they're  twenty-seven  milds  acrost. 

So  they  brung  this  great  picter  of  it.  I  spoze  it 
is  a  sight  to  see  it. 

But  Josiah  felt  that  he  couldn't  afford  to  go  in 
and  see  the  sight,  and  he  sez,  "  It  is  only  a  hole 
with  some  fire  and  ashes  comin'  out  of  the  top  of 
it." 

I  sez  ironically,  "  Some  like  our  leech  barrel, 
hain't  it,  with  a  few  cinders  on  top  ?" 

"Why,  yes;  sunthin'  like  that,"  sez  he.  "It 
wouldn't  pay  to  throw  away  money  on  ashes  and 
lire  that  we  can  see  any  clay  to  hum." 

I  didn't  argue  with  him,  for  I  never  took  to  vol- 
canoes much — I  never  loved  to  git  intimate  with 
'em.  But  it  wuz  a  sight  to  behold,  so  Miss  Plank 
said — she  went  in  to  see  it.  She  said,  "  It  took  her 
breath  away  the  sight  on't,  but  she's  got  it  back 
agin  (the  breath)  ;  she  talked  real  diffuse  about  it. 
But  to  resoom. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  605 

The  Chinese  Village  wuz  jest  like  goin'  through 
China  or  bein'  dropped  down  onbeknown  to  you 
into  a  China  village. 

Two  hundred  Chinamen  are  here  by  a  special 
dispensation  of  Uncle  Sam. 

And  next  to  China  is  the  Captive  Balloon.  I 
had  wondered  a  sight  what  that  meant. 

Josiah  thought  that  somebody  had  catched  a 
young  balloon,  and  wuz  bringin'  it  up  by  hand,  but  I 
knew  better  than  that.  I  knew  that  balloons  didn't 
grow  indigenious. 

And  it  wuz  jest  as  I'd  mistrusted — they  had  a 
big  balloon  here  all  tied  up  ready  to  start  off  at  a 
minute's  notice. 

You  jest  paid  your  money,  and  you  could  go  on 
a  trip  up  in  it  through  the  blue  fields  of  air.  I  told 
Josiah  "  that  it  wouldn't  be  but  a  few  years  before 
folks  would  ride  round  in  'em  jest  as  common  as 
they  do  in  wagons."  Sez  I,  "  Mebby  we  shall  have 
a  couple  of  our  own  stanchled  up  in  our  own  barn." 

"  You  mean  tied  up,"  sez  he,  and  I  do  spoze  I 
did  mean  that. 

But  now  to  look  up  at  the  great  deep  overhead, 
and  consider  the  vastness  of  space,  and  consider  the 
smallness  of  the  ropes  a-holdin'  the  balloon  down,  1 
said  to  myself,  "  Mebby  it  wuz  jest  as  well  not  to 
tackle  the  job  of  ridin'  out  in  it  that  day." 


606  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

Jest  as  I  wuz  a-meditatin'  this  Josiah  spoke  up, 
and  sez,  "  I  won't  pay  out  no  two  dollars  apiece  to 
ride  in  it." 

And  I  sez,  "  I  kinder  want  to  go  up  in  it,  and  I 
kinder  don't  want  to." 

And  he  sez,  "  That  is  jest  like  wimmen — whifflin', 
onstabled,  weak-livered." 

Sez  I,  "  I  believe  you're  afraid  to  go  up  in  it." 

"Afraid  !"  sez  he  ;  "  I  wouldn't  be  afraid  a  mite 
if  it  broke  loose  and  sailed  off  free  into  space." 

"  Why  don't  you  try  it,  then  ?"  I  urged.  "  Wall," 
he  sez,  a-lookin'  round  as  if  mebby  he  could  find 
some  excuse  a-lavin'  round  on  the  ground,  or  sailin' 
round  in  the  air,  "if  I  wuz,"  sez  he — "  if  I  had  an- 
other vest  on.  I  hain't  dressed  up  exactly  as  I'd 
want  to  be  to  go  a-balloon  ridin'. 

"  And  then,"  sez  he,  a-brightenin'  up,  "  I  don't 
want  to  skair  you.  You'd  most  probable  be  skairt 
into  a  fit  if  it  should  break  loose  and  start  off  inde- 
pendent into  space.  And  it  wTould  take  away  all 
my  enjoyment  of  such  a  pleasure  excursion  to  see 
you  a-layin'  on  the  earth  in  a  fit." 

Sez  I,  "It  hain't  vests  or  affection  that  holds 
you  back,  Josiah  Allen — it's  fear." 

"  Fear  !"  sez  he  ;  "I  don't  know  the  meanin'  of 
that  word  only  from  what  I've  read  about  it  in  the 
dictionary.      Men  don't  know  what  it  is  to  be  afraid, 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  607 

and  that  is  why,"  sez  he,  "  that  I've  always  been  so 
anxious  to  have  wimmen  keep  in  her  own  spear, 
where  men  could  watch  over  her,  humble,  domestic, 
grateful. 

"  Nater  plotted  it  so,"  sez  he  ;  "  nater  designs  the 
male  of  creation  to  branch  out,  to  venter,  to  labor, 
to  dare,  while  the  female  stays  to  hum  and  tends 
to  her  children  and  the  housework."  Sez  he,  "  In 
all  the  works  of  nater  the  females  stay  to  hum,  and 
the  males  soar  out  free. 

"  It  is  a  sweet  and  solemn  truth,"  sez  he,  "  and 
female  wimmen  ort  to  lay  it  to  heart.  In  these 
latter  days,"  sez  he,  "  too  many  females  are  a-risin' 
up,  and  vainly  a-tryin'  to  kick  aginst  this  great  law. 
But  they  can't  knock  it  over,"  sez  he- — "  the  female 
foot  hain't  strong  enough." 

He  wuz  a-goin'  on  in  this  remarkably  eloquent 
way  on  his  congenial  theme,  but  I  kinder  drawee! 
him  in  by  remindin'  him  of  Miss  Sheldon's  tent  we 
see  in  the  Transportation  Buildin' — the  one  she  used 
in  her  lonely  journevin'  a-explorin'  the  Dark  Conti- 
nent. Sez  I,  "There  is  a  woman  that  has  kinder 
branched  out." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  but  men  had  to  carry  her."  Sez  he, 
"  Samantha,  the  Lord  designed  it  that  females  should 
stay  to  hum  and  tend  to  their  babies,  and  wash  the 
dishes.      And  when  vou  <ro  aginst  that  idee  you  are 


6o8  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

goin'  aginst  the  everlastin'  forces  of  nater.  Na- 
ter  has  always  had  laws  sol  and  immovable,  and 
always  will  have  'em,  and  a  passel  of  wimmen 
managers  or  lecturers  hain't  a-goin'  to  turn  'em 
round. 

"  Nater  made  wimmen  and  sot  'em  apart  for 
domestic  duties — some  of  which  1  have  enumer- 
ated," sez  he. 

"Whilst  the  males,  from  creation  down,  have  been 
left  free  to  skirmish  round  and  git  a  livin'  for  them- 
selves and  the  females  secreted  in  the  holy  privacy 
of  the  hum  life." 

Jest  as  he  reached  this  climax  we  come  in  front 
of  the  Ostrich  Farm,  where  thirty  of  the  long-legged, 
humbly  creeters  are  kept,  and  we  hearn  the  keeper 
a-describin'  the  habits  of  the  ostriches  to  some  folks 
that  stood  round  him. 

And  Josiah,  feelin'  dretful  good-natered  and 
kinder  patronizin'  towards  wimmen,  and  thinkin' 
that  he  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  strengthened  in  his  talk  by 
what  the  man  wuz  a-sayin',  sez  to  me  in  a  dretful, 
overbearin',  patronizin'  way,  and  some  with  the  air 
as  if  he  owned  a  few  of  the  ostriches,  and  me,  too, 
he  kinder  stood  up  straight  and  crooked  his  fore- 
finger and  bagoned  to  me. 

"  Samantha,"  sez  he,  "  draw  near  and  hear  these  in- 
terestin'  remarks.     I  always  love,"  sez  he,  "  to  have 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  609 

females  hear  about  the  works  of  nater.  It  has  a 
tendency,"  sez  he,  "to  keep  her  in  her  place." 

Sez  the  man  as  we  drew  near,  a-goin'  on  with  his 
remarks — he  wuz  addressin'  some  big  man — but  we 
hearn  him  say,  sez  he — 

"  The  ostrich  lays  about  a  dozen  and  a  half  eggs 
in  the  layin'  season— one  every  other  day — and  then 
she  sets  on  the  eggs  about  six  hours  out  of  the 
twenty-four,  the  male  bird  takin'  her  place  for 
eighteen  hours  to  her  six. 

"  The  male  bird,  as  you  see,  stays  to  hum  and  sets 
on  the  e££S  three  times  as  lona:  as  she  duz,  and  takes 
the  entire  care  of  the  young  ostriches,  while  the 
female  roams  round  free,  as  you  may  say." 

I  turned  round  and  sez  to  Josiah,  "  How  interest- 
in'  the  works  of  Nater  are,  Josiah  Allen.  How  it 
puts  woman  in  her  proper  spear,  and  men,  too  !" 

He  looked  real  meachin'  for  most  a  minute,  and 
then  a  look  of  madness  and  dark  revenge  come 
over  his  liniment.  A  tall,  humbly  male  bird  stood 
nigh  him,  as  tall  agin  most  as  he  wuz. 

And  as  1  looked  at  Josiah  he  muttered,  "  I'll 
learn  him-  I'll  learn  the  cussed  fool  to  keep  in  his 
own  spear." 

1  laid  holt  of  his  vest,  and  sez  1,  "What  do  you 
mean,  Josiah  Allen,  by  them  dark  threats?  Tell  me 
instantly."  sez  I,  for  \  feared  the  worst. 


6lO  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

"  Seein'  this  dum  fool  is  so  willin'  to  take  work 
on  him  that  don't  belong  for  males  to  do,  I'll  give 
him  a  job  at  it.  I'll  see  if  I  can't  ride  some  of  the 
consarned  foolishness  out  of  him." 

Sez  I,  "Be  calm,  Josiah  ;  don't  throw  away  your 
own  precious  life  through  madness  and  revenge. 
The  ostrich  hain't  to  blame,  he's  only  actin'  out 
Nater." 

"  Nater !"  sez  Josiah  scornfully — "  Nater  for 
males  to  stay  to  hum  and  set  on  eggs,  and  hatch 
'em,  and  brood  young  ones  ?     Don't  talk  to  me  !" 

He  wuz  almost  by  the  side  of  himself. 

And  in  spite  of  my  almost  frenzied  appeals  to  re- 
strain him,  he  lanched  upon  him. 

You  could  ride  'em  bypayin'so  much,  and  money 
seemed  to  Josiah  like  so  much  water  then,  so  wild 
with  wrath  and  revenge  wuz  he. 

I  see  he  would  go,  and  I  reached  my  hand  up, 
and  sez  I,  "  Dear  Josiah,  farewell  !" 

But  he  only  nodded  to  me,  and  I  hearn  him  mur- 
murin'  darkly — 

"  Seein'  he's  so  dum  accommodatin'  that  he's 
took  wimmen's  work  on  him  that  they  ort  to  do 
themselves,  I'll  give  him  a  pull  that  will  be  apt  to 
teach  him  his  own  place." 

And  he  started  off  at  a  fearful  rate  ;  round  and 
round    that    inclosure   they  went,   Josiah   layin'    his 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


6ll 


cane  over  the  sides  of  the  bird,  and  the  keeper 
a-vellin'  at  him  that  he'd  be  killed. 

And  when  they  come  round  by  us  the  first  time 
I  heard  him  a-aposthrofizin'  the  bird — 

"  Don't  you  want  to  set  on  some  more  eggs  ? 
don't   you   want    to   brood    a  spell  ?"   and   then    he 


I    HIS    OWN 


would  kick  him,  and  the  ostrich  would  jump,  and 
leap,  and  rare  round.  But  the  third  time  he  come 
round  I  sec  a  change — I  see  deadly  fear  depictered 
in  his  mean,  and  sez  he  wildly — 

"  Samantha,  save  me  !  save  me  !  I  am  lost  !"  sez 
he. 

1  wuz  now  in  tears,  and  I  sez  wildly 

"  I    will    save    that    dear    man,  or    perish  !"   ami    I 


6l2  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

wuz  jest  a-rushin'  into  the  inclosure  when  they  come 
a-tearin  round  for  the  fourth  time,  and  jest  a  little 
ways  from  us  the  ostrich  give  a  wild  yell  and 
leap,  and  Josiah  wuz  thrown  almost  onto  our 
feet. 

As  the  keeper  rushed  in  to  pick  him  up,  we  see 
he  held  a  feather  in  his  hand. 

He  thought  it  wuz  tore  out  by  excitement,  and 
Josiah  clinched  the  feathers  to  save  himself. 

But  Josiah  owned  up  to  me  afterwards  that  he 
gin  up  that  he  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  killed,  and  that  his 
last  thought  wuz  as  he  swooned  away — wuz  how 
much  ostrich  feathers  cost,  and  how  sweet  it  would 
be  to  give  me  a  last  gift  of  dyin'  love,  by  pickin'  a 
feather  off  for  not  bin'. 

I  groaned  and  sithed  when  he  told  me,  and  sez  I, 
"What  won't  you  do  next,  Josiah  Allen  ?" 

But  this  wuz  hereafter,  and  to  pick  up  the  thread 
of  my  story  agin. 

Wall,  Josiah  wuzn't  killed,  he  wuz  only  stunted, 
and  he  soon  recovered  his  conscientousness. 

And  before  half  a  hour  passed  away  he  wuz  a-talk- 
in'  as  pert  as  you  please,  a-boastin'  of  how  he  would 
tell  it  in  fonesville.  Sez  he,  "  I  wonder  what  Dea- 
con Henzy  will  say  when  I  tell  him  that  I  rode  a 
bird  while  1  wuz  here  ?"  Sez  he,  "  He  never  rode 
a  crow  or  a  sparrer." 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR.  613 

"  Nor  you,  nuther,"  sez  I  ;  "how  could  you  ride  a 
crow  ?" 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I've  rid  a  ostrich,  and  the  news 
will  cause  great  excitement  in  Jonesville,  and  prob- 
able up  as  fur  as  Zoar  and  Loontown." 

Then  come  Solomon's  Temple.  Josiah  and  I 
both  felt  that  that  wuz  a  good  scriptural  sight,  wor- 
thy of  a  deacon  and  a  deaconess,  for  some  say  that 
that  is  the  proper  way  to  address  a  deacon's  wife. 

But  come  to  find  out,  the  Temple  wuz  inside  of 
a  house,  and  you  had  to  pay  to  go  in. 

And  I  sez,  "  Less  pay,  Josiah  Allen,  and  go 
in." 

And  he  said  that  "  it  wuzn't  scriptural.  Sol- 
omon's Temple  in  Bible  times  never  had  a  house 
built  round  it.  And  he  wuzn't  a-goin'  to  encourage 
folks  to  go  on  and  build  meetin'-housen  inside  of 
other  housen. 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "  if  that  idee  is  encouraged,  they 
will  be  for  buildin'  a  house  round  the  Jonesville 
meetin'-house,  and  we  will  have  to  pay  to  go  in." 

Sez  he,  "  Less  show  our  colors  for  the  right, 
Samantha." 

The  argument  wuz  a  middlin'  good  one,  though  I 
felt  that  there  wuzn't  no  danger. 

But  he  went  on  ahead,  and  I  had  to  toiler  on 
after  him,  like  two  old  ducks  goin'  to  water. 


614  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

I  guess  that  if  it  had  been  free  he  wouldn't  have 
insisted  on  our  showin'  our  colors. 

Wall,  the  end  of  the  Plaisance  wuz  devoted  to 
soldiers,  military  displays,  and  camps  and  drill 
grounds. 

Quite  a  spacious  place,  as  big  as  two  city  blocks, 
and  it  must  have  been  very  interestin'  for  warlike 
people  to  look  on  and  see  'em  in  their  handsome 
uniforms,  a-marchin',  and  a-counter-marchin',  and 
a-haltin',  and  a-presentin'  arms,  etc.,  etc. 

And  there  wuz  gardens  and  orange  groves  nigh 
by,  too,  where  you  could  see  ripe  oranges  and  green 
ones  hangin'  to  the  same  trees — dretful  interestin' 
sight. 

Wall,  if  you  would  turn  back  agin  and  go  towards 
the  Fair  ground  on  the  south  side,  a  Hungarian 
Orpheum  is  seen  first.  This  is  a  dance  hall,  theatre, 
and  restaurant  all  combined. 

Folks  can  dance  here  all  the  time  from  mornin' 
till  night,  if  they  want  to,  but  we  didn't  want  to 
dance — no,  indeed  !  nor  see  it ;  our  legs  wuz  too 
wore  out,  and  so  wuz  our  eyes,  so  we  wended  on  to 
the  Lapland  Village. 

The  main  buildin'  in  this  is  a  hundred  feet  long, 
with  a  square  tower  in  the  centre. 

Above  the  main  entrance  is  a  large  paintin'  rep- 
resentin'  a  scene  in  Lapland.      Inside  the  inclosure 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  615 


My  Josiah  and  me  a-jotjrneyin'  way  off   in    Lapland — the   idee  ! 

arc  the  huts  of  a  Lapland  Village,  with  the  Laps  all 
there  to  work  at  their  own  work. 

What  a  marvellous  change  for  them  !  Transported 
from  a  country  where  there  is  eight  months  of  total 
darkness,  and  four  months  of  twilight  or  midnight 
sun,  and  so  cold  that  no  instrument  has  ever  been 
invented  to  tell  how  cold  it  is. 

When  the  frozen  seas  and  ice  and  snow  is  all  they 
can  see  from  birth  till  death. 

1  wonder  what  they  think  of  the  change  to  this 
dazzlin'  daylight,  and  the  grandeur  and  bloom  of 
1893! 

But  still  they  seem  to  weather  it  out  a  consider- 
able time  in  their  own  icy  home. 

King  Bull,  who  is  in  Chicago,  is  one  hundred  and 
twelve  years  old,  and  is  a  five  great-grandpa. 


6l6  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

And  most  of  the  five  generations  of  children  is 
with  him  here.  But  marryin'  as  they  do  at  ten  or 
twelve,  they  can  be  grandpa  a  good  many  times  in 
a  hundred  years,  as  well  as  not. 

In  this  village  is  their  housen,  their  earth  huts, 
their  tepees,  orniments,  reindeers,  dogs,  sledges,  fur 
clothin,'  boats,  fishin'  tackle,  etc.,  etc. 

As  queer  a  sight  as  I  ever  sec,  and  here  it  wuz 
agin,  my  Josiah  and  me  a-journeyin'  way  off  in 
Lapland — the  idee  ! 

The  Dahomey  Village  come  next.  This  shows 
the  homes  and  customs  of  that  country  where  the 
wimmen  do  all  the  fightin'. 

I  sez  to  Josiah,  "  What  a  curiosity  that  wuz  !" 

And  he  sez,  "  I  d'no  about  the  curiosity  on't.  It 
don't  seem  so  to  me  ;  some  wimmen  fight  with  their 
fists,"  sez  he,  "and  some  with  their  tongues." 

That  wuz  his  mean,  onderhanded  way  of  talkin'. 

But  these  wimmen  are  about  as  humbly  as  they 
make  wimmen  anywhere. 

And  as  for  clothes,  they  are  about  as  poor  on't 
for  'em  as  anybody  I  see  to  the  Fair.  They  had  on 
jest  as  few  as  they  could. 

They  say  their  war  dances  is  a  sight  to  see.  But 
1  didn't  let  Josiah  look  on  any  dancin'  or  anything 
of  the  kind  that  I  could  help.  I  did  not  forget 
what  I  mistrusted  he  sometimes  lost  sight  on,  when 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR.  6\" 

he's    on    towers  —  that    he    wuz    a    deacon    and    a 
grandpa. 

He  aeted  kinder  longin'  to  the  last.  lie  said 
"  he  spozed  it  wuz  a  sight  to  see  'em  dance  and  beat 
their  tom-toms." 

And  I  sez,  "  I  don't  want  to  see  no  children  beat  ; 
and,"  sez  I,  "what  did  Tom  do  to  deserve  beatin' ?'' 

Sez  he,  "  I  meant  their  drums,  and  the  stuns  they 
roll  round  in  their  husky  skin  bags,  and  cymbals," 
sez  he. 

"  Then,"  sez  I,  "  why  didn't  you  say  so  ?" 

Sez  he,  "  I  spoze  to  see  them  humbly  creeters 
with  rings  in  their  noses,  a-dancin'  and  eontortin' 
their  bodies,  and  twistin'  'cm  round,  is  a  sight. 
And  I  spoze  the  noises  is  as  deafenin'  as  it  would  be 
for  all  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house  to  knock  all  the 
tin  pans  and  bilers  they  could  git  holt  of  together, 
and  yell. 

"And  they  don't  wTear  nothin'  but  some  feathers," 
sez  he. 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "I  don't  want  to  see  no  sech 
sight,  and  I  don't  want  you  to." 

And  dretful  visions,  as  I  said  it,  rolled  through 
my  mind  of  the  awful  day  it  would  be  for  Jones- 
ville, if  Josiah  Allen  should  carry  home  any  such 
wild  idees,  and  git  the  other  old  Jonesvillians  stirred 
up  in  it. 


6l8  SAMANTIIA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

To  sec  him,  and  Deacon  Henzy,  and  Deacon  Bob- 
bet,  and  the  rest  dressed  up  in  a  few  feathers  a-jump- 
in'  round,  and  a-beatin'  tin-pans,  and  a-contortin'  their 
old  frames,  would,  I  thought,  be  the  finishin'  touch 
to  me.  I  had  stood  lots  of  his  experimentin'  and 
branchin's  out  into  new  idees,  but  I  felt  that  I  could 
not  brook  this,  so  I  would  not  heed  his  desire  to 
stop.      I  made  him  move  onwards. 

And  then  come  Austria.  There  is  thirty-six 
buildin's  here,  and  they  show  Austrian  life  and  cos- 
tumes in  every  particular. 

Then  come  the  Police  Station,  and  Fire  Depart- 
ment, and  then  a  French  Cider  Press  ;  but  I  didn't 
care  nothin'  about  seein'  that — cider  duz  more  hurt 
than  whiskey  enough  sight,  American  or  French, 
and  it  wuzn't  any  treat  to  me  to  see  it  made,  or 
drunk  up,  nor  the  effects  on  it  nuther. 

Then  there  wuz  a  large  French  Restaurant,  one 
of  the  best-built  structures  on  the  ground. 

Then  come  right  along  St.  Peter's,  jest  as  it  is  in 
this  world,  saints  a-follerin'  sinners. 

It  is  the  exact  model  of  the  Church  of  St.  Peter's 
at  Rome. 

I  would  go  in  to  see  that,  and  Josiah  consented 
after  a  parley. 

It  is  the  exact  model  down  to  the  most  minute 
details  of  that  most  wonderful  edorv  of  art.      It  is 


C^-  txCyTl'^UAA^-, 


The  Ferris  Wheel  wuz  indeed  nigh  to  us,  and  I  forgive  Josiah 

FOE.  HIS  ARDOR   WHEN    I    SEE   IT. 


02O  SAMANTIIA   AT   THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

about  thirty  feet  long,  and  about  three  times  as 
high  as  Josiah,  and  it  is  a  sight  to  remember  ;  it  is 
perfectly  beautiful. 

In  this  buildin'  where  the  model  is  seen  is  some 
portraits  of  the  different  Popes,  and  besides  these 
large  models  is  some  smaller  ones  of  the  beautiful 
Cathedral  of  Milan,  the  Piambino  Palace,  the  Pan- 
theon, and  a  statute  of  St.  Peter  himself. 

Good  old  creeter,  how  I've  always  liked  him,  and 
thought  on  him  ! 

But  Josiah  hurried  me  almost  beyend  my  strength 
on  the  way  out,  for  the  Ferris  Wheel  wuz  indeed 
nigh  to  us,  and  I  forgive  Josiah  for  his  ardor  when 
I  see  it. 

If  there  wuz  nothin'  else  to  the  World's  Fair  but 
jest  that  wheel,  it  would  pay  wrell  to  go  clear  from 
Jonesville  to  Chicago  to  see  it.  It  stands  up  aginst 
the  sky  like  a  huge  spider-web.  It  is  two  hundred 
and  fifty  feet  in  diameter — jest  one  wheel  ;  think 
of  that  !  As  wide  as  twenty  full-sized  city  houses — 
the  idee  !  And  there  are  thirty-six  cars  hitched  to 
it,  and  sixty  persons  can  ride  in  each  car.  So  you 
can  figger  it  out  jest  how  much  that  huge  spider- 
wTeb  catches  when  it  gits  in  motion.  Wall,  my 
feelin's  when  I  wuz  a-bein'  histed  up  through  the 
air  wuz  about  half  and  half — half  sublimity  and  orr 
as  I   looked   out   on  the   hull  glory   of  the  world 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  621 

spread  at  ray  feet,  and  Lake  Michigan,  and  every- 
thing— 

That  part  vvuz  clear  riz  up  and  noble,  and  then 
the  other  half  wuz  a  skittish  feelin'  and  a-wonderin' 
whether  the  tacklin'  would  give  way,  and  we  should 
descend  with  a  smash. 

But  the  fifty-nine  other  people  in  the  car  with 
me  didn't  seem  to  be  afraid,  and  I  thought  of  the 
thirty-live  other  cars,  all  full,  and  a-swingin'  up  in 
the  air  with  me  ;  and  the  thought  revived  me  some, 
and  I  managed  to  maintain  my  dignity  and  com- 
posure. 

Josiah  acted  real  highlarious,  and  he  wanted  to 
swing  round  time  and  agin  ;  he  said  "he  would  give 
a  cent  to  keep  a-goin'  all  day  long." 

But  I  frowned  on  the  idee,  and  I  hurried  him 
off  by  the  model  of  the  Eiffel  Tower  into  Persia. 

There  it  wuz  agin,  my  pardner  and  I  a-trav- 
ellin'  in  Persia — the  very  same  Persia  that  our  old 
Olney's  gography  had  told  us  about  years  and 
years  ago — a-visitin'  it  our  own  selves. 

I  see  the  bazaars  and  booths  all  filled  with  the 
costliest  laces,  and  rugs,  and  embroideries,  and  the 
Persians  themselves  a-sellin'  'em. 

But  Josiah  hurried  me  along  at  a  fearful  rate, 
for  I  had  got  my  eye  onto  some  lace  that  I 
wanted. 


622  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

I  did  not  want  to  be  extravagant,  but  I  did 
want  some  of  that  laee  ;  I  thought  how  it  would 
set  off  that  night-cap. 

But  he  said  "  that  Jonesville  lace  wuz  good 
enough  if  I  had  got  to  have  any  ;  but,"  sez  he, 
"  I  don't  wear  laee  on  my  night-cap." 

"  No,"  sez  I  ;  "  how  lace  would  look  on  a  red 
woollen  night-cap  !" 

"Wall,"  sez  he,  "why  don't  you  wear  red  woollen 
ones  ?" 

Sez  T,  "  Josiah,  you're  not  a  woman." 

"No,"  sez  he;  "you  wouldn't  catch  a  man 
goin'  to  Persia  for  trimmin'  for  a  night-cap." 

His  axents  jarred  onto  me,  and  mechanically  I 
follered  him  into  the  Moorish  Palace. 

One  reason  why  I  follered  him  so  meekly  and 
willin'ly,  I  didn't  know  but  he  would  broach  the 
subject  of  seein'  them  Persian  wimmen  dance. 

And  I  felt  that  I  would  rather  give  a  hull 
churnin'  of  fall's  butter  than  to  have  his  moral  old 
mind  contaminated  with  the  sight. 

For  they  do  say,  them  who  have  seen  the  sight, 
that  "  them  Persian  dancin'  girls  carry  dancin'  clear 
to  the  very  verge  of  ondecency,  and  drop  way  off 
over  the  verge. 

I  see  lots  of  wimmen  comin'  out  with  their  fan 
held  before  their  blushin'  faces. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  623 

They  say  that  wimmen  fairly  enjoy  a-goin'  in 
there  to  be  horrified. 

They  go  day  after  day,  they  say,  so  to  come  out 
all  horrified  up,  and  their  faees  bathed  in  blushes. 

The  men  didn't  come  out  at  all,  so  they  said. 

Wall,  Josiah  Allen  didn't  git  in — no,  indeed.  1 
remembered  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house,  our  pas- 
ture, and  the  grandchildren,  and  kept  'em  before 
him  all  the  time,  so  I  tided  him  over  that  crisis. 

Now,  I  never  had  paid  any  attention  to  the  Moors, 
and  Josiah  hadn't  ;  we  never  had  had  any  to  neighbor 
with,  and  I  felt  that  I  wuzn't  acquainted  with 
'em  at  all,  unless  of  course  I  had  a  sort  of  bowin' 
acquaintance,  as  it  wuz,  with  that  one  old  Moor  in 
my  Olney's  gographv  in  mv  school-days. 

And  what  I'd  seen  of  him  didn't  seem  to  make 
me   hanker  after  any  further  acquaintance  with  him. 

But  when  I  see  that  Palace  of  theirn  I  felt  over- 
whelmed with  shame  and  regret  to  think  I'd  always 
slighted  'em  so,  and  never  had  made  any  overtoors 
towards  becomin'  intimate  with  'em. 

The  outside  on't  wuz  splendid  enough  to  almost 
take  your  breath,  with  its  strange  and  gorgeous 
magnificence.  It  wuz  sech  a  contrast  in  its  con- 
struction to  the  Exposition  Buildin's  that  lift  their 
domes  in  such  glory  on  the  East. 

But  if  the  outside  struck  a  blow  onto  our  aclmira- 


624  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

tion  and  astonishment,  what — what  shall  I  say  of 
the  inside  ? 

Why,  as  I  entered  that  magnificent  arched  vesti- 
bule, with  my  faithful  pardner  by  my  side,  and  my 
good  cotton  umbrell  grasped  in  my  right  hand,  the 
view  wuz  pretty  nigh  overwhelmin'  in  its  profusion 
of  orniment  and  gorgeous  decoration. 

That  first  look  seemed  to  take  me  back  to  Spain 
right  out  of  Chicago,  and  other  troubles.  I  wuz 
a-roamin'  there  with  Mr.  Washington  Irving,  and 
Mr.  Bancroft,  and  other  congenial  and  descriptive 
minds,  and  surrounded  with  the  gorgeous  picters  of 
that  old  time. 

I  wuz  back,  I  should  presoom  to  say,  as  much,  if 
not  more,  than  four  hundred  years,  when  all  to 
once  I  was  recalled  by  my  companion. 

"  Dum  it,  I  didn't  know  they  charged  folks  for 
goin'  to  meetin'  !" 

"  Hush  !"  sez  I  ;  "  this  is  not  a  meetin'-house,  this 
is  a  palace  ;  be  calm  !" 

And  comin'  down  through  the  centuries  as  sudden 
as  if  jerked  by  a  electric  lasso  of  lightnin',  I  see  that 
old  familiar  sight  of  a  man  a-settin'  a-sellin'  tickets. 

And  Josiah  with  a  deep  sithe  paid  our  fares,  and 
we  meandered  onwards. 

Right  beyend  the  ticket  man,  to  the  right  on  him, 
wuz  a  colonnade  runnin'  round  a  circular  room  cov- 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD  S   FAIR. 


625 


l|  '    \      [!ij 


ered  with  a  ruff  in  the  shape  of  a  tent.  The  ceilin' 
and  walls  are  covered  with  landscape  views  of  South- 
ern Spain,  and  a  mandolin  orchestra  carried  out  the 
idee  of  a  Andulusian  Garden. 

And  then  comes  a  labyrinth  of  columns  and  mir- 
rors, and  through  'em  and  round  'em  and  up  over- 
head wuz   splendor    on    splendor   of 
orniment,  gorgeousness  on  gorgeous- 
ness. 

These  columns  are  made  to  put  one 
in  mind  of  the  Alhambria,  where  we 
so  often  strayed  with  our  friend  Wash- 
ington Irving. 

And  oh,  what  curious  feelin's  it  did 
make  me  have  to  cast  my  eyes  on- 
wards amongst  these  splendid  arches 
and  pillows,  and  see  anon  or  oftener 
a  tall  Moor,  with  his  long  robe  and 
his  white  turban,  or  whatever  they  call 
it,  a-fallin'  round  his  face  ! 

And  then  another  and  another  of  the  white-robed 
Aggers,  a-glidin'  round  in  amongst  the  arches,  or 
a-settin'  there  in  a  vista  of  gorgeousness,  like  ghosts 
of  the  past  come  to  visit  the  Columbus  Fair. 

Way  beyend  the  labyrinths,  and  to  the  left  on't, 
is  the  Palm  Garden,  with  lounging  places  for  three 
or  four  hundred  visitors,  and  a  Moorish  orchestra 


JOSIAH    PAID    OUR    FARES. 


626  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

hid  by  a  cluster  of  branchin'  palms,  and  Arab  at- 
tendants in  native  costumes. 

And  then  there  wuz  grottoes  and  fountains  lit  by 
electric  lights,  and  groups  of  statuary  illustratin' 
famous  historical  seens. 

And  right  here,  while  the  past  wuz  a-pressin'  so 
clost  to  us,  that  we  wuz  almost  took  back  there  in 
the  body — our  minds  wuz  there,  way,  way  back — - 

When  sudden,  swift,  wuz  we  brung  back  from  the 
past — brung  back  to  conscientousness,  as  it  were, 
by  twTo  forms  and  two  voices. 

Here  of  all  places  in  the  world,  in  the  heart  of  a 
Moorish  palace,  did  my  eyes  fall  upon  the  faces  of 
Bizer  Dagget,  and  Selinda,  his  wife. 

And  I  sez,  as  my  eyes  fell  from  the  contemplation 
of  art-decked  freeze  and  fretted  archways  onto  the 
old  familar  freckled  face,  and  green  alpaca  dress,  and 
Bizer's  meek  sandy  whiskers,  and  pepper-and-salt 
suit — 

Sez  I,  "  Whyee,  Selinda  and  Bizer,  is  it  you  ? 
How  do  you  do  ?  When  did  you  git  here  ?  You 
didn't  lay  out  to  come  when  we  started." 

"  No,"  sez  Selinda  ;  "  you  know  jest  how  it  wuz, 
you  know  we  had  his  folks  to  take  care  on,  and 
Father  Dagget  wuz  so  helpless  that  we  had  to  lift 
him  round.  And  we  shouldn't  been  able  to  git  here 
at  all,  only   Father  had  a  severe  fall  out  o'  bed  one 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


627 


night  in  the  dead  of  night.  lie  wuz  all  alone,  and 
skairt — so  we  spoze — and  that  fall  took  him  off  on 
the  see  on  d  day. 

"  And  as  quick  as  we  could  git  ready  we  sot  off  here. 

"  It  didn't  seem  really  right,  but  you  know  Father 
hain't  known 
a  n  y  t  h  i  n  g  f <  >r 
upwards  of  two 
years,  and  you 
know  jest  how 
bad  we  did  want 
to  come  here. 

"  But  I  don't 
know  as  it  wuz 
exactly  right  to 
come  off  so 
soon  after  he 
fell.  I  spoze  it 
will  make  talk,  I  spoze  his  folks  will  talk,  and  the 
Jonesvillians." 

"  But,"  I  sez,  for  I  wanted  to  comfort  her — she's  a 
good  crceter — 

Sez  I,  "  Columbus  had  to  wait  before  he  sot  out 
to  discover  us,  till  Grenada  fell,  and  that  made  talk." 
Sez  I,  "  Probable  Columbuses  folks  talked  as  much 
as  Bizer's  folks  will.  But,"  sez  I,  "it  wuz  all  for 
the  best. 


Whyee  !   Sflinda  and  Bizer,  is  it  you  ?': 


628  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"And,"  sez  I,  "your  Father  Da^o-et  wuz  a  good 
creeter  before   he  lost  his  mind." 

"  Yes,"  sez  she,  "  but  for  upwards  of  two  years 
he's  tried  to  put  his  pantaloons  on  over  his  head, 
and  he'd  put  his  arms  in  his  boots  every  time  if 
we'd  let  him,  thinkin'  it  wuz  a  vest." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "you've  did  well  by  him,  Selinda, 
and  now  if  I  wuz  in  your  and  Bizer's  place,  I'd  try  to 
look  round  all  I  eould  and  git  my  mind  off,  and  see 
everything  I  could  see." 

Sez  she  with  a  deep  sithe,  "  There  hain't  no 
trouble  about  that ;  there  is  enough  to  see."  Sez  she, 
"It  seems  as  though  I  had  seen  enough  every  five 
minutes  sence  I  come,  if  it  wuz  spread  out  even  and 
smooth,  to  cover  a  hull  lifetime,  and  cover  it  thick, 
too,"  sez  she. 

"And,"  sez  I,  warmly  and  candidly,  "Heaven 
knows  that  is  true — true  as  gospel." 

And  then  Selinda  and  Bizer,  and  Josiah  and  me 
walked  on  into  other  parts  of  the  buildin',  and  there 
we  see  a  small-lookin'  model  of  the  Santa  Maria,  the 
Admiral's  flag-ship,  manned  by  men  with  the  same 
clothes  on  as  wuz  wore  by  Columbuses  mariners. 
That  filled  me  with  large  emotions,  and  Selinda  felt 
it  too. 

And  it  wuz  here  that  Josiah  nudged  me,  and  sez 
he,  "  You've  always  throwed  it  into  my  face  that  men 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  629 

don't  think  so  much  of  each  other  as  wimmen  do  ; 
and  now,"  sez  he,  "look  at  them  two  men — I've 
watched  'em  as  long  as  ten  minutes — a-holdin'  each 
other's  hands." 

And  sure  enough,  I  turned,  and  I  see  two  good- 
lookin'  men  a-holdin'  each  other  by  the  hand  as  if 
they  loved  each  other  fondly — 

As  if  they  couldn't  bear  to  leggo.  They  wuz 
first-rate  lookin'  men,  too,  and  you  could  see  plain 
by  their  liniments  how  much  store  they  sot  by 
each  other. 

Wall,  Josiah  and  I  wended  off  and  looked  at  the 
wax  riggers  of  Lincoln,  and  the  death  of  Marie 
Antoinette,  and  lots  of  other  interestin'  wax  stat- 
utes ;  and  when  we  come  back,  there  stood  them  two 
men  still  a-holdin'  each  other  by  the  hand  ;  and 
Josiah  whispered  agin,  "  How  they  love  each  other  ! 
no  gabblin' and  gushin',  like  wimmen,  but  jest  silent, 
clost,  deep  love." 

"  But,"  I  sez,  "  I  believe  there  is  sunthin'  wrong 
about  'em.  It  hain't  nateral  for  men  to  stand  still 
so  long  holt  of  hands.  I  believe  they're  in  a  fit  or 
sunthin'." 

"  A  fit  ! "  sez  he.  "  I  spoze  a  woman  would  have  a 
fit  if  she  had  to  keep  still  a  minute  with  another 
woman  in  gunshot  of  her. 

"  But  to  satisfv  you,"  sez  he,  "  I'll  see." 


630  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

So  he  accosted  'em,  and  sez  he,  "  I  will  ask  the 
way  to  Noah's  Ark."  So  he  advanced  with  a  polite 
air,  and  sez  he,  "  Could  either  one  of  you  two  gentle- 
men tell  me  where  Noah's  Ark  is  situated  ?"  Sez  he, 
"  Bizer  is  anxious  to  see  it." 

They  didn't  move  or  stir,  and  Josiah  agin  sez, 
"  Do  you  know  where  Noah's  Ark  is  ?"  and  he  laid 
his  hand  on  the  arm  of  one  of  the  men  who  stood 
near  him. 

A  Columbian  Guard  who  stood  near  sez,  "  Keep 
your  hand  offen  the  wax  figger  !" 

Josiah  wuz  mortified  most  to  death.  He'd  wanted 
to  show  off  the  equality  of  his  sect,  and  to  have 
man's  love  and  fidelity  proved  to  be  but  wax  wuz 
harm  win'. 

But  he  didn't  stay  mortified  more'n  a  minute  and 
a  half  on  sech  a  business. 

And  the  Guard  told  us  where  Noah's  Ark  wuz. 

And  Bizer  and  Josiah  wuz  all  carried  away  with 
it.  This  wuz  in  the  children's  room,  and  all  the 
animals  are  reproduced  life  size,  every  one  of  'em 
two  and  two,  jest  as  they  enter  the   Ark. 

We  couldn't  hardly  tear  our  two  pardners  away, 
Selinda  and  1  couldn't. 

Josiah  said,  "  It  wuz  so  beautiful  and  interestin'/' 
and  so  Bizer  said. 

But  1  believe  what  made  them  men  clino-  to  it  so 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  63 1 

for  sech  a  length  of  time,  they  hearn  us  talk  about 
how  we  wanted  to  go  into  the  Bazaar,  where  there 
wuz  lots  of  things  to  sell. 

But  finally  they  see  they  couldn't  hold  us  back  no 
longer,  so  we  went  through  that  gorgeous  place,  all 
full  of  bronzes,  rugs,  vases,  pipes,  and  etcetry. 

We  didn't  stay  long  here,  though,  for  Bizer  and 
Josiah  said  that  the  air  wuz  that  bad  they  wuz 
chokin',  and  that  they  couldn't  stan'  it. 

And  Selinda  and  I  a-feelin'  that  chokin'  a  pard- 
ner  wuz  the  last  thing  we  wanted  to  undertake,  we 
went  through  it  at  a  pretty  good  jog,  and  anon  we 
found  ourselves  in  Turkey  ;  and  here  I  found  the 
Turkeys  had  done  first-rate. 

Why,  one  piece  of  their  hand-wrought  lace  wuz 
worth  hundreds  of  thousands  of  dollars.  While  I 
wuz  a-admirin'  of  it,  Josiah  whispered  firmly — 

"  Don't  go  to  thinkin'  of  that  old  night-cap  in 
sech  a  time  as  this." 

And  I  whispered  back,  "  I  hain't  no  more  idee 
on't  than  you  have  of  buyin'  that  old  tent  to  take 
down  to  the  lake  with  you  a-fishin'." 

That  very  old  battle-tent  wuz  all  hand  work,  em- 
broidered in  gold  and  silver  and  silk  in  nateral 
figgers,  and  they  said  it  wuz  worth  Wvc  millions  of 
dollars — 

And  a  silver  bedstead  the  Sultan  is  a-goin'  to  give 


6^2  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

to  his  daughter  as  a  part  of  her  settin'  out  when  she 
marries  wuz  worth  four  hundred  and  fifty  thousand 
dollars. 

You  can  from  this  form  some  idee  of  the  value  of 
the  other  enormous  exhibits. 

And  the  most  beautiful  horses  you  ever  see,  right 
from  the  Sultan's  stable,  wuz  a-prancin'  round.  And 
one  hundred  Beoudins  with  camels  and  dromedaries 
added  to  the  picteresqueness  of  the  seen. 

And  then  we  see  Cleopatri's  needle,  that  tall 
column  a-risin'  up  to  the  sky,  all  covered  with  writ- 
in'  worse  than  mine,  and  that's  a-sayin'  a  good  deal. 
I  couldn't  read  a  word  on't,  nor  Josiah  couldn't. 

And  to  the  back  of  the  Grand  Bazaar  wuz  leven 
cottages,  where  male  and  female  Turkeys  wuz  workin' 
at  their  different  trades,  showin'  jest  how  rugs,  and 
carpets,  and  embroideries,  and  brass  work  is  made. 

As  I  said  to  Belinda,  "  Would  you  believed  it 
possible,  Selinda,  if  we'd  been  told  on't  a  dozen 
years  ago  that  you  and  I  should  be  a-travellin'  in 
Turkey  to-day  ?" 

And  she  said,"  No,  indeed  ;  she  had  never  imag- 
ined that  she  should  ever  visit  sech  foreign  shores." 

Yes,  we  felt  considerable  riz  up  to  think  that  we 
wuz  engaged  in  foreign  travel,  but  not  hauty.  No, 
we  are  both  on  us  well-principled,  and  don't  believe 
in  puttin'  on  airs. 


SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  6$$ 

Wall,  we  stayed  here  a  good  while,  and  Josiah 
thought  he'd  eat  sunthin'  here,  too.  If  he'd  had  his 
way,  he  would  had  a  good  square  meal  in  every 
foreign  country,  and  native  one,  too.  That  man's 
appetite  is  wonderful.  Foreign  countries  can't  quell 
it  down,  nor  rumatiz,  nor  nothin'. 

Hakenbeck's  animal  show  comes  next,  and  it  is 
the  most  complete — so  they  say — that  wuz  ever  ex- 
hibited. 

The  tent  is  two  hundred  feet  square,  and  is  filled 
with  all  the  animals  that  ever  went  into  the  Ark, 
and  more,  too,  I  believe.  Five  thousand  people  can 
go  in  here  at  one  time,  and  set  down,  and  see  lions 
a-ridin'  on  horseback,  with  a  woman  to  run  the  per- 
formance, and  see  animals  a-doin'  everything  else 
that  ever  wuz  done  by  'em,  and  tigers,  and  elephants, 
and  performin'  horses,  and  two  hundred  monkeys, 
and  one  thousand  parrots. 

We  didn't  go  in,  but  Josiah  slipped  in  one  day 
when  I  wuzn't  with  him,  and  he  described  it  to  me. 
He  owned  up  to  me  that  he  had. 

And  he  said  he  did  it  to  keep  me  from  havin' 
sech  a  skair." 

"  Why,"  sez  he,  "  a  woman  that  is  afraid  of  a  gob- 
bler, and  runs  from  a  snake — 

"Why,"  sez  he,  "I  wouldn't  as  a  man  of  feelin' 
take  her  right  in  the  way  of  havin'  her  feelin's  hurt 


634  SAM  ANTRA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

and  skairin'  her  most  to  death  for  nothin'  this  world 
could  give." 

And  I  said — and  I  meant  it — "  If  it  hadn't  been  for 
the  fifty  cents  I  guess  you  wouldn't  felt  so,  Josiah 
Allen." 

But  he  stuck  to  it  that  it  wuz  pure  affection  and 
principle.  I  d'no  what  to  think  about  it,  but  I  have 
my  suspicions. 

Wall,  at  the  next  place  Josiah  could  not  be  re- 
strained. It  wuz  the  good  old-fashioned  New  Eng- 
land house  with  gable  ends,  and  here  a  good  New 
England  dinner  wuz  served. 

And  sez  Josiah,  "  I  don't  leave  this  house  till  I 
have  a  good  square  meal." 

Bizer  felt  jest  so,  and  so  Selinda  and  I  jined  'em 
in  a  meal  most  as  good  as  she  and  I  got  up  to  hum, 
and  that  is  sayin'  a  great  deal. 

Josiah's  satisfaction  in  eatin'  that  pork  and 
beans,  and  them  doughnuts,  wuz  a  sight  to  wit- 
ness. 

Bizer  called  for  cold  biled  vittles,  and  sure  enough, 
they  brung  'em  on. 

And  the  enjoyment  of  them  two  men  wuz 
extreme.  Selinda  and  I  took  comfort  in  some  old- 
fashioned  pound-cake  and  custard  pie. 

Selinda  said  she'd  love  to  have  the  receipt  of  that 
pound-cake. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  635 

Selinda  is  a  good  plain  cook.  She  can't  cook  like 
me,  of  course,  but  she  dux  well. 

Wall,  their  extra  good  meal  had  sot^up  Josiah 
and  Bizer  to  a  wonderful  extent  (they  had  drunk 
coffee  too  strong  for  'em  by  half,  and  I  knew  it),  and 
them  two  men  wanted  to  go  back  into  the  Cairo 
Street.  Bizer  and  Selinda  had  never  seen  it,  and 
all  the  way  there  Josiah  seemed  to  be  on  the  look- 
out to  do  sunthin'  heroic  and  surprisin'  to   Bizer. 

And  jest  after  we  got  there,  we  did  see  as  strange  a 
sight  as  I  ever  see.  It  wuz  a  Eastern  Fakir,  as  they 
called  him.  He  wuz  performin'  one  of  his  strange 
sights  right  there  before  our  face  and  eves. 

A  big  crowd  wuz  gathered  round  him  of  human 
bein's  in  all  strange  costumes,  and  camels  and  their 
drivers,  and  dromedaries,  and  donkeys,  and  every- 
thing else  under  the  sun.  But  this  man  stood 
calm  under  the  sights  and  ear-piercin'  yells  and 
jabbers. 

And  in  some  way,  I  d'no  how,  nor  Josiah  don't, 
he  wuz  a-holdin'  another  Japan  or  Turkey — any- 
way, one  of  them  foreign  men — suspended  right  up 
in  the  air. 

I  see  it,  and  Josiah  see  it,  and  Bizerses  folks. 
Eight  eves  from  Jonesville  looked  at  it,  to  say 
nothin'  of  the  assembled  crowd. 

lie  wu/.n't  restin'  on    nothin'  at    all,  so  fur  as  we 


636  SAMANTHA  AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

could  see.  What  material  wrought  out  of  the 
Occult  World  wuz  piled  up  under  him  I  d'no. 

There  might  have  been  a  sofa  and  two  cushions 
wrought  out  of  another  fabric  different  from  what 
we  know  anything  about,  and  that  don't  make  any 
show  aginst  the  summer  sky. 

And  then,  agin,  it  might  be  that  Josiah  wuz  right. 

He  sez,  "It's  easy  enough  to  do  that.  He  casts  a 
mist  before  our  eyes,  and  we  have  to  see  jest  what 
he  wanted  us  to." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "  if  I  had  to  do  one  of  'em  to  enter- 
tain the  Missionary  Society  at  Jonesville,  I  d'no 
but  I  had  jest  as  soon  hist  Submit  Tewksbury 
up  in  the  air,  and  suspend  her  there  in  our  parlor,  as  to 
cast  mists  before  the  eyes  of  the  Jonesvillians  and 
make  'em  see  her  there  when  she  wuz  a-settin'  on 
the  sofa.  Either  one  on  'em  is  queer — queer  as  a 
clog." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  you  don't  want  to  go  into  any 
sech  a  job.  You'll  kill  Submit,  anyway,  exper- 
imentin'  on  her." 

And  I  sez,  "  You  needn't  worry  ;  I  hain't  a-goin' 
to  try  to  branch  out  into  no  sech  doin's."  Sez  I,  "  I 
wuz  usin'  Submit  as  a  metafor." 

Wall,  the  Fakir  after  a  while  asked  the  queer- 
lookin'  crowd  gathered  round  him  for  money  to  try 
more  experiments  with. 


SAMAXTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR.  6}~ 

And  wantin'  to  branch  out  and  outdo  Bizer,  and 
make  himself  a  hero,  Josiah  planked  out  a  five-dol- 
lar bill. 

And  then  the  man  asked  Josiah  to  look  in  his  hat, 
and  there  inside  the  band  he  found  the  money,  or  so 
it  seemed. 

And  then  he  told  me  to  look  in  my  pocket,  and 
there  wuz  five  silver  dollars  to  all  appearance. 

I  felt  real  well  about  it,  and  wuz  about  to  put  'em 
into  my  portmonev,  thinkin'  that  they  wuz  my  law- 
ful prey,  seein'  they  had  fell  onto  me  through  my 
pardner's  weakness,  when  lo  and  behold  !  they  wuzn't 
there. 

I  felt  real  stunted,  and  kinder  sot  back. 

"Slight  of  hand,"  sez  Josiah  to  me  and  Bizer. 
"  Don't  be  afraid,  I'll  make  it  all  right."  And  he 
reached  out  his  hand  to  git  the  money  back.  The 
man  handed  the  money  back,  or  so  we  spozed, 
and  vanished  in  the  crowd. 

And  Josiah,  when  he  went  to  look  in  his  hand, 
found  some  pink  and  white  paper.  Fie  hollered 
round  and  acted  for  quite  a  spell,  but  the  man  wuz 
gone  for  good,  and  Josiah's  money  with  him.  Wall, 
Josiah  wuz  almost  broken-hearted  over  the  loss  of 
his  money  ;  hue  felt  awful  browbeat  and  smut,  and 
acted  so. 

And  then  it  wuz  Bizer'stime  to  show  off  and  act. 


63$  SAMANTHA    AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Nothin'  to  do  but  what  Selinda  had  got  to  ride  a 
camel. 

She  hung  hack  and  acted  'fraid.  She  hain't  a 
hit  well,  for  all  she  is  so  fat.  She  has  real  dizzy 
spells  sometimes,  and  is  that  cowardly  that  she'd  he 
'fraid  to  ride  a  cow,  let  alone  one  of  them  tall, 
humbly  monsters.  But  nothin'  to  do  but  what 
Bizer  would  have  his  way. 

He  did  it  jest  to  go  ahead  of  us,  and  I  knew  it, 
for  I  put  my  foot  right  down  in  the  first  on't. 

Josiah  would  a  paid  out  the  money  willin'ly  ruther 
than  had  Bizer  go  ahead  of  him. 

Bizer  said  he  wanted  to  give  Selinda  all  the  en- 
joyment he  could  while  on  her  tower,  she  had 
been  shet  up  so  much,  and  hadn't  had  the  pleasures 
she  ort  to  had. 

I  knew  his  motives  and  Selinda's  feelin's,  but 
couldn't  break  it  up,  for  Selinda  had  always  follered 
Elder  Minkley's  orders  strict,  that  he  gin  her  at  the 
altar— 

"  Wives,  obey  your  husbands." 

She  didn't  rebel  outward,  but  she  whispered  to 
me  in  pitiful  axents — 

"  I  hate  to  ride  that  creeter — oh,  how  I  hate  to  ! 
But  you  know  my  principles,"  sez  she  ;  "  you  know 
I  always  said  that  wives  ort  to  obey  their  pardners." 

And   I   sez,  "When   pardners  and  common  sense 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR.  639 

conflict,  I  foller  common  sense  every  time.  How- 
sumever,"  sez  I,  "if  you  want  to  air  them  principles 
of  yourn,  you  won't  be  apt  to  find  a  more  lofty 
place  to  exhibit  'em." 

And  I  glanced  up  the  gray  precipitous  sides  of 
that  camel,  and  she  looked  up  'em,  too,  with  fear 
and  tremblin',  but  begun  to  gird  her  lions,  figgera- 
tively  speakin',  to  obey  Bizer  and  embark. 

She  has  always  boasted  to  me  and  the  other 
neighborin'  wimmen  that  she  has  never  disobeyed 
her  husband  once  ;  and  I  sez  to  her  cheerfullv, 
"  Wall,  I  have,  and  expect  to  agin,  if  the  Lord 
spares  my  life." 

And  so  Miss  Bobbet  told  her,  and  Miss  Gowdy, 
and  Miss  Peedick,  and  all  the  rest.  She  acted  so 
high-headed  about  it,  that  we  said  it  some  to  take 
down  her  pride,  and  some  on  principle. 

We  believed  there  wuz  reason  in  all  things,  and 
none  of  us  wimmen  felt  that  we  would  stand 

"  On  a  burnin'  deck, 
Whence  all  but  we  had  fled," 

and  burn  up,  even  if  our  pardners  had  ordered 
us  to.  We  wuz  law-abidin',  every  one  on  us,  but 
we  felt  there  wuz  times  where  law  ended  and  com- 
mon sense  begun. 

But    Selinda    argued,    I  well    remember,    that    if 


640  SAMA:\'THA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

Bizer  had  ordered  her  to  stay  on  that  deck,  she 
should  stay  and  be  sot  fire  to. 

And  she  praised  up  little  Casey  Bianky  warmly, 
while  we  thought  and  said  that  Casey  acted  like  a 
fool,  and  felt  that  Mr.  Bianky  would  much  ruther 
had  him  run  and  save  himself  than  to  burn  up  ; 
anyway,  old  Miss  Bianky  would,  and  I  believe  his 
pa  would. 

Men  are  good-hearted  creeters  the  biggest  heft 
of  the  time,  but  failable  in  judgment  sometimes, 
jest  like  female  wimmen. 

But  Selinda  wuz  firm  in  her  belief. 

And  here  this  day  in  Chicago  she  gin  one  of  the 
most  remarkable  proofs  of  it  ever  seen  in  this 
country. 

So  while  Selinda  trembled  like  a  popple  leaf,  and 
her  false  teeth  rattled  over  her  dry  tongue  (besides 
the  camel,  she  wuz  'fraid  as  death  of  the  Turkey  that 
driv  it,  and  he  did  look  fierce),  the  camel  knelt  down, 
and  the  almost  swoonin'  Selinda  was  histed  up  onto 
his  back  by  the  proud  and  haughty  Bizer,  and  the 
strange-lookin'  Turkey. 

She  had  no  more  than  got  seated  when  the  driver 
give  a  skairful  yell,  and  the  camel  give  a  fearful 
lunge,  and  straightened  up  on  its  feet,  and  Selinda's 
bunnet  fell  back  onto  her  neck,  and  lay  there  through 
the  hull  of  the  enterprise,  and  her  gray  hair  floated 


Before  she  had  been  up  there  two  minits  she  heoun  to  cry. 


642  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

back  oncheckcd,  for  she  dassent  let  her  hands  go  a 
minit  to  fix  it. 

It  wuz  a  mournin'  bunnet  and  veil,  but  black 
gittin'  soiled  so  easy,  she  had  put  on  a  bright  green 
alpaca  dress  she  had,  thinkin'  that  she  wouldn't  see 
nobody  she  knew  ;  and  she  wore  some  old  yeller 
mitts  for  the  same  reason,  and  some  low,  shabby- 
lookin'  shoes,  and  some  white  stockin's. 

And  her  weight  bein'  two  hundred  and  forty,  she 
showed  off  vivid  aginst  the  settin'  sun. 

Selinda  is  a  meek  woman  and  obedient,  but  she 
cries  easy.  You  have  got  to  take  good  traits  and 
bad  ones  in  folks.  She  can't  help  it.  She  always  cries 
in  class  meetin',  or  anywhere — has  cried  time  and 
agin  a-tellin'  how  she  would  be  trompled  on  and  lay 
down  and  have  her  head  chopped  off  if  Bizer  told 
her  to. 

And  of  course  it  couldn't  be  expected  she  would 
go  through  this  fearful  experience  without  sheddin' 
tears.  No  ;  before  she  had  been  up  there  two 
minits  she  begun  to  cry. 

She  always  makes  up  pitiful  faces  when  she  weeps. 
It  has  been  talked  on  a  sight  in  Joncsville,  some 
sayin'  she  might  help  it,  and  some  contendin'  that 
she  couldn't  ;  but  she  skairs  children  frequent. 

But  now  she  dassent  leggo  a  minit  to  git  her 
handkerchief,  so  she  rode  along  weepin'  silently,  and 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  643 

a  fearful  sight  fur  men  or  angels,  but  truly  a  eryin' 
monument  of  wifely  devotion. 

As  she  moved  off,  I  eould  see  at  the  first  strain 
her  dress  waist,  bein  one  of  the  short  round  ones 
with  a  belt,  had  bust  asunder,  leavin'  a  white  waist 
of  cotton  flannel  between  'em,  which  seemed  to  be 
a-growin'  wider  and  wider  all  the  time.  (She  wears 
cotton  flannel  for  her  health.) 

As  I  see  this,  and  not  knowin'  what  would  ensue 
and  take  place  in  her  clothin',  I  cast  onto  the  wind 
mv  own  fears,  and  the  shrinkin'  timidity  of  my  sect, 
and  graspin'  my  umbrell  in  my  hand,  I  run  along  by 
the  side  of  the  lofty  quadreped,  a-tryin'  to  reach  up 
and  fix  her  a  little. 

But  I  eould  not  ;  her  position  wuz  too  lofty,  the 
mount  wuz  too  precipitous  on  which  she  sot. 

She  see  me,  but  she  didn't  stop  her  cryin',  and  the 
faces  she  wuz  a-makin'  wuz  pitiful  in  the  extreme, 
and  skairful  to  anybody  that  hadn't  seen  'em  so 
much  as  I  had.  She  wuz  half  bent,  which  made  her 
cotton-flannel  infirmity  harder  to  witness. 

The  camel  wuz  a-swayin'  fearful  from  side  to  side, 
and  a-lurchin'  forwards  and  a  lurchin'  backwards  at 
a  dangerous  rate. 

Oh,  how  dizzy-headed  Selinda  must  have  been! 
Howskairt  and  how  dretful  her  feelin's  wuz  ! 

Sez  I,  "  Dismount  to  once,  Selinda  Dagget," 


644  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"  No,"  scz  she  ;  "  Bizer  has  placed  me  here,  and 
here  I  will  stay." 

"  You  don't  know  whether  you  will  or  not,"  sez  I. 
"I  believe  you  are  a-fallin'  off ;  and,"  sez  I,"  I'm 
'fraid  you'll  git  killed,  Selinda  ;   do  git  down  !" 

"  I  fear  it  too,"  sez  she,  and  she  looked  down  on 
me  with  agony  in  her  mean,  and  sez  she — 

"Good-bye,  Sister  Allen;  if  we  don't  meet  agin, 
we  both  believe  in  a  better  country." 

I  wuz  all  carried  away  by  my  emotions,  or  wouldn't 
spoke  out  so  ;  but  I  sez— 

"This  country  is  all  right  enough,  if  folks  didn't 
act  like  fools  in  it."  Sez  I,  "  Do  you  git  down  and 
pull  down  your  bask,  and  wipe  your  nose  and  eyes ; 
you  look  like  fury,  Selinda  Dagget." 

"  No,"  sez  she  ;  "  Bizer  wanted  me  to  ride,  and  I 
shall  die  a-pleasin'  him.  I  took  vows  of  obedience 
onto  me  at  the  altar,  and  if  I  die  here,  Sister  Allen, 
tell  the  female  sistern  at  Jonesville  that  I  died 
a-keepin'  them  vows." 

Sez  I,  "  I'll  tell  'em  you  died  a  nateral  fool  ;"  and 
sez  I  agin,  "Git  down  offen  that  camel,  Selinda 
Dagget,  before  you  fall  off." 

And  I  kep  clost  by  her,  and  kinder  poked  at  her 
with  my  umbrcll,  to  let  her  know  I  hadn't  deserted 
her,  and  havin'  a  blind  idee  that  I  could  hold  her  up 
with  it  if  the  worst  come. 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  645 

Where  wuz  Bizer  durin'  this  fearful  seen  ?  while 
I  wuz  a-showin'  plain  the  deathless  devotion  to  my 
sect — to  another  one  in   distress. 

He  wuz  all  took  up  with  his  own  feelin's  of  pride 
and  show. 

He  wuz  a-ridin'  a  donkey,  and  it  wuz  a-baekin'  up 
and  a-actin',  and  took  every  mite  of  his  strength 
and  firmness  to  keep  on. 

He  had  a  tall  white  hat  with  a  mournin'  weed  on't, 
and  a  long  linen  duster,  and  the  wind  blowed  this 
out  some  like  a  balloon. 

He  looked  queer  ;  but  as  soon  as  he  stiddied  him- 
self on't  he  tried  his  best  to  reach  the  side  of  Selin- 
da — I'll  say  that  for  him.  But  the  donkey  wuz 
obstinate,  and  kep  a-backin'  up,  and  Bizer,  bein'  his 
legs  dragged,  kinder  walked  along  with  the  donkey 
under  him.  Occasionally  he  would  set  down  for  a 
spell,  but  the  most  of  his  journey  wuz  done  a-walkin' 
afoot.      And  the  crowd  see  it  and  cheered. 

It  wuz  hard  on  Bizer.  Nothin'  but  pride  and 
ambition  led  him  into  the  undertakin',  or  kep  him 
up  through  it. 

As  for  me,  1  lost  all  patience,  and  my  breath,  too, 
and  went  back  to  my  pardner. 

And  anon  or  about  that  time  they  made  their 
rounds,  and  come  back  where   Josiah  and  I  stood. 

I  reached   up  a   handkerchief  to  Selinda  as  quick 


646  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    World's    FAIR. 

as  I  could,  but  she  couldn't  wipe  her  eyes  or  tend 
to  her  nose  until  she  dismounted,  or  fix  the  gapin' 
kasum  at  the  back  of  her  waist. 

She  greeted  me  warmly  the  minit  her  feet 
touched  terry  finny,  as  one  might  who  had  come  out 
of  great  peril.      She's  a  good-hearted  creeter. 

And  between  us  both,  with  some  pins  I  took  out 
of  my  huzzy  1  always  carry  with  me,  we  fixed  her 
up   agin. 

And  if  you'll  believe  it,  the  very  minit  I  got  her 
pinned  up  she  begun  to  act  high-headed  and  to 
boast  of  how  much  principle  she'd  shown. 

And  I  said,  "  You've  shown  more'n  principle, 
Selinda  ;  you've  showed  cotton  flannel  that  you 
had  ort  to  have  kep  to  yourself.  You  have  made  a 
panorama  that  can't  be  described." 

"  Ycs,'r  sez  she;  "it  will  be  sunthin'  to  tell  on  all 
my  life." 

She  took  it  as  a  compliment     Oh  dear  me  suz  ! 

Bizer  had  scraped  the  patent  leather  all  offen  the 
toes  of  his  shoes,  and  had  squandered  three  dollars 
in  money,  but  he  felt  good.  Yes,  they  both  said 
what  a  excitement  this  adventure  would  make  in 
Jonesville  when  they  told  on't. 

And  I  thought  to  myself,  if  the  Jonesvillians 
could  see  jest  how  she  looked,  and  he  too,  it  would 
be  apt  to  make  a  excitement. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  647 

How  many  times  did  I  digest  this  great  truth 
while  on  my  tower  !  How  little  we  know  sometimes 
what  a  appearance  we  are  a-makin'  before  men  and 
angels,  when  we  think  we  are  a-doin'  sunthin'  won- 
derful ! 

Wall,  Josiah  wuz  all  took  aback  ;  he  couldn't  seem 
to  bear  Bizer's  patronizin'  ways  so  well  as  I  could 
Selinda's.  Truly,  females  learn  the  lesson  well  to 
suffer  and  be  calm. 

But  he  acted  kinder  surly,  and  proposed  that  we 
should  go  hum  ;  and  bein'  tired  as  a  dosr,  I  gin  a 
willin'  consent,  and  Bizer  and  Selinda  parted  from 
us,  their  way  layin'  different  from  ourn. 

Wall,  that  night,  after  we  got  back  to  Miss  Plank- 
ses,  I  felt  all  kind  o'  shook  up  in  spent,  and  consid- 
erable as  I  do  when  I've  cat  too  hearty,  and  of  too 
many  kinds  of  food. 

You  know,  you  mustn't  swaller  a  big  meal  too 
quick,  or  eat  too  man)'  kinds  of  food  when  you're 
tired,  or  it  won't  set  right  on  your  stomach. 

I  felt  real  dyspeptic  in  my  mind  that  night,  and 
1  felt  that  I  had  wandered  out  of  the  sweet,  level 
paths  of  Moderation  and  Megumness  that  I  love  to 
wander  in. 

But  I  am  a  eppisodin',  and  to  resoom. 

It  seemed  as  if  the  bed  never  felt  so  good  to  me 
as  it  did  that  night ;  and  the  pillers  never  felt  so  soft. 


648  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

and  quiet,  and  comfortable.  And  with  a  deep  sithe 
of  content  I  went  out  at  once  into  the  Land  of 
Sleep,  and  bein'  too   tired   to 

"  tread  its  windin'  ways 
Beyend  the  reach  of  busy  feet," 

I  sunk  down  under  the  shade  of  a  branchin'  Poppy 
Tree,  and  laid  there  becalmed  and  peaceful  till  Miss 
Plankses  risin'  bell  rung — way  up  the  stairway, 
up  into  my  bedroom — and  echoed  over  into  the 
Land,  shook  the  drowsy  boughs  over  my  head, 
and  waked  me  up. 

And  then,  tired  as  I   wuz  the  night  before,  I  felt 
considerable  chipper. 


CHAPTER  XX. 

Wall,  this  mornin'  we  sot  off  in  good  season.  We 
would  always  lay  our  plans  in  the  mornin',  and  that 
mornin'  I  said,  "  I  would  love  to  tackle  the  Agri- 
cultural Buildin'.  " 

And  Josiah  gin  his  willin'  consent.  He  said, 
"After  so  much  gildin'  and  orniments,  he  would 
love  to  look  at  a  potato,  or  a  rutabagy,  or  a  cow- 
cumber." 

And  I  sez,  "If  you  lay  out  to  git  rid  of  seein' 
orniments,  you  had  better  not  stir  out  of  your 
tracks." 

And  Nony  Piddock  said,  "  It  sickened  a  man  to 
see  so  much  vain  orniment." 

And  the  Twin  said,  "It  wuz  perfectly  beautiful 
to  see  it." 

And  the  rest  of  the  boarders  bein'  agreed  jest 
about  as  well  on't,  we  set  out  for  the  Agricultural 
Hall  in  pretty  good  sperits. 

Wall,  truly  did  Nony  say  that  the  orniments  wuz 
impressive  and  overwhelmm'. 

Now,  I  thought  I  had  seen  orniments,  and  I 
thought  I  had  seen  pillows. 


650  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Why,  Father  Allen  had  a  porch  held  up  by  as 
many  as  five  pillows — holler  ones — hoarded  round 
and  painted  to  look  like  granite  stun. 

And  our  Meetin'-House  steeple  wuz,  I  had  al- 
ways spozed,  ornimented. 

Why,  we  had  gin  as  high  as  fourteen  dollars  for 
the  ornimental  work  on  that  steeple,  and  the  Jones- 
villians,  and  the  Loontowns,  and  the  Zoarites  come 
from  fur  and  near  to  look  at  it  and  admire  it,  the 
Jonesvillians  in  pride  and  the  others  in  envy,  and 
a-hankerin'  to  have  one  like  it. 

But  truly  our  pride  in  that  steeple  tottered  and 
fell  when  we  hove  in  sight  of  that  Agricultural 
Hall. 

And  when  you  look  at  the  size  of  that  buildin', 
and  the  grandeur  of  it,  you  can  see  plain  what  sort 
of  a  place  Agriculture  holds  in  the  minds  of  the 
world,  and  how  much  store  folks  set  on  eatin'  ;  and 
truly,  how  could  the  world  git  along  without  it  ?  It 
would  run  right  down. 

Why,  imagine,  if  you  can,  eight  hundred  feet  one 
way  and  five  hundred  the  other  way,  all  orniments 
and  pillows,  pillows  and  orniments,  and  one  big 
towerin'  dome  in  the  centre,  and  lots  of  smaller  ones, 
each  one  topped  off  with  the  most  beautiful  figger, 
and  groups  of  riggers,  you  ever  laid  eyes  on. 

Where  wuz  Father  Allen's  pillow,   and  our  stee- 


C^vsowa^j 


The  Jonesvillians,  and  the  Loontowns,  and   the  Zoarites  came 
from  fur  and  near  to  admire  it. 


652  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

pie  ?  Gone,  crushed  down  under  twenty-six  hundred 
feet  of  clear  pillows  and  orniments. 

On  top  of  the  great  central  dome  stands  the 
beautiful  figger  of  Diana,  who  had  flown  away 
from  Madison  Square,  New  York,  and  had  settled 
down  here  on  purpose  to  delight  the  beholders  of 
the  United  Globe  with  her  beauty  and  grace. 

She  wuz  still  a-holdin'  her  arrows  in  her  hand, 
still  a-turnin'  her  beautiful  face  around  so  everybody 
could  see  it,  still  a-kickin'  at  the  wind  with  her 
pretty  heel.  But,  as  in  the  past,  so  now,  let  her  kick 
ever  so  hard,  she  couldn't  turn  the  wind  a  mite  when 
it  got  its  mind  made  up  to  blow  from  any  particu- 
lar pint  of  the  compass. 

And  besides  this  figger  on  the  dome,  every  little 
while  on  the  four  corners  of  the  buildin'  wuz  long, 
low  groups  of  female  wimmen  a-holdin'  garlands, 
depicterin'  the  four  seasons. 

And  the  long  line  of  pillows  would  be  broken  by 
noble  piers,  with  a  beautiful  group  of  Aggers  on 
every  one  on  'em,  and  some  flags  a-wavin'  out,  as  if 
to  draw  attention  to  the  perfectness  of  the  statutes. 

One  on  'em  wuz  a  good-lookin'  man  a-holdin'  two 
prancin  horses,  and  I  sez  to  myself,  I  am  glad  to 
see  a  man  a-holdin'  the  bits  for  once. 

But  come  to  look  closter,  I  see  that  there  wuz 
two  figgers — little  girls,  I  guess — that  wuz  holt  of  the 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  653 

horses'  heads.  And  then  I  see  the  man  had  a  sword 
in  one  hand  and  a  club  in  the  other.  He  wuzn't 
to  blame — he  couldn't  hold  'cm.  Jest  like  Josiah  ; 
lots  of  times  he  would  be  real  glad  to  do  things, 
only  his  hands  are  full. 

And  then  another  group  wuz  a  beautiful  female 
a-standin'  up  between  two  great,  big,  long-horned 
oxen,  a-holdin'  them  powerful-lookin'  beasts  with 
a  rope  made  of  posies. 

Good  land  !  I  wouldn't  held  'em  with  iron 
chains.  They  looked  so  high-headed,  and  their 
horns  looked  so  long,  and  it  seemed  too  bad  to 
put  her  at  such  a  dangerous  job. 

But  she  didn't  seem  to  be  a  mite  afraid ;  she 
looked  calm,  and  she  had  on  plenty  of  store  clothes, 
which  wuz  indeed  a  comfort. 

And  then,  besides  these  main  piers,  with  their 
large,  beautiful  groups,  there  wuz  fifty-two  small- 
er piers,  each  one  havin'  a  handsome  statute,  rep- 
resentin'  winged  Geniis,  sometimes  a-holdin'  tablets 
in  their  hands,  and  anon  horns  of  plenty,  and 
abundance. 

Most  of  this  beautiful  sculpture  wuz  designed 
by  a  man  named  Martiney,  French  born,  but  I 
guess  a-callin'  himself  an  American  now. 

And  I  thought,  as  I  looked  at  it,  I  would  love 
to    see   him,    and   tell    him    how  well    I   thought   on 


654  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

him  and  his  works.  He  also  made  the  beautiful 
orniments  in  the  interior  of  the  large  rotunda,  and 
the  great  figger  of  Ceres  that  stands  in  the  centre. 

In  the  pediment  over  the  main  entrance  stands 
another  beautiful  figger  of  Ceres — she  that  wuz 
Demetor  Saturn. 

I  spoze,  mebbv,  now  we  ort  to  call  her  Miss 
Jupiter.  But,  anyway,  she  is  as  good-hearted  as 
can  be,  always  a-handin'  out  grain  and  food  to  the 
peri  shin'. 

Here  she  stands  in  the  sculpture,  which  is  made 
by  an  American,  Mr.  Mead  by  name — here  she 
stands,  tall  and  benignant,  in  the  centre  of  as  many 
as  twenty  men,  wimmen,  and  children,  a-sufferin' 
from  hunger  the  most  on  'em,  and  she  a-handin' 
out  food  right  and  left.  What  a  good  creeter  she 
is,  anyway  ! 

Wall,  mebbv  1  have  gin  you  a  faint,  a  very  faint 
idee  of  the  beauty  of  the  hull  twenty-six  hun- 
dred feet  of  solid  loveliness  and  perfection. 

But  who — who  will  tell  what  we  see  inside  on't  ? 

In  this  buildin'  every  State  in  the  Union,  and 
almost  every  civilized  nation  of  the  world,  is  rep- 
resented with  agricultural  exhibits,  and  food  prod- 
ucts in  their  manufactured  state.  Prizes  will  be 
gin  at  the  end  of  the   Fair  to  the  best. 

Every  nation  is  shown  up  here  ;  and  if  you  have 


656  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

got  any  learnin',  you  can  look  it  up  in  your  own 
Gography,  and  realize  the  number  on  'em,  and  the 
immense  size  of  the  exhibition. 

And  then  there  is  the  most  interestin'  exhibits 
in  agricultural  teachin',  Schools  and  Colleges  of 
different  nations,  side  by  side  with  the  best  Ameri- 
can colleges  of  Agriculture,  and  Experimental  Sta- 
tions. 

Here  in  this  exhibit  you  can  see  everything  eat- 
able and  drinkable,  from  Jonesville  wheat  to  palm 
sugar,  and  all  sorts  of  vegetables  that  wuz  ever  seen, 
and  the  very  biggest  ones  that  wuz  ever  grown, 
from  a  sweet  potato  to  a  squash,  and  peanuts  to 
cocoanuts — 

And  all  sorts  of  animal  products,  from  a  ele- 
phant's tusk,  from  Africa,  to  a  sleek  deacon's  skin, 
from  Jonesville. 

And  then,  besides  the  exhibit  of  raw  products  of 
every  kind,  from  Egypt  to  Shackville,  there  are 
shown  off  all  sorts  of  manufactured  foods,  and  every- 
thing else,  and  so  forth  and  so  on. 

If  you  stay  here  long  enough,  say  from  2  to  3 
months,  you  can  git  a  good  idee  of  what  the  world 
feeds  on,  from  Hindoostan  to  Loontown  and  Zoar. 

Josiah  enjoyed  himself  here  richly. 

He  hardly  could  be  torn  away. 

And  I  took  comfort,  too,  in  the  dairy,  where  the 


SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  657 

butter  and  cheese  from  the  different  States  is  shown 
off  in  handsome  cases,  and  kep  cool  and  fresh  in 
dog-days.  This  wuz,  I  spoze,  to  test  the  merits  of 
the  different  breeds  of  dairy  cattle,  and  teach  the 
very  best  methods  of  makin'  butter  and  cheese. 

I  took  solid  comfort  here,  and  I  also  got  some 
new  and  useful  idees  that  I  could  disseminate  to 
Miss  Isham,  and  she  that  wuz  Submit  Tewks- 
bury. 

As  for  Philurv,  I  mean  to  give  her  lessons  daily 
(she  runs  our  dairy  in  my  absence). 

In  the  annex  of  this  buildin'  wuz  exhibits  of  all 
the  Agricultural  implements  ever  known  or  hearn 
on,  from  the  first  old  rickety  reaper  up  to  the 
noble  machine  of  to-day,  that  will  cut  the  grain, 
and  take  out  a  string  and  tie  it  up  in  sheafs  ;  and  I 
guess  if  it  wuz  encouraged  enough,  it  would  take  it 
to  the   mill  and  grind  it — 

And  the  first  old  cotton-gin  and  mower  up  to 
the  finished  machines  of  to-day. 

Outside  this  buildin',  directly  on  the  lagoon,  wuz 
exhibits  of  gates,  fences,  and  all  sorts  of  wind-mills, 
from  the  picteresque  old  Dutch  mills  up  to  the 
ones  of  eighteen  hundred  and  ninety-three. 

And  engines,  portable  and  traction  ones. 

I  asked  Josiah,  "What  he  spozed  a  traction  engine 
wuz,"  and  he  sez,  "  One  that  is  tractable — easy  to 


658  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

manage."  Sez  he,  "  Some  on  'em,  you  know,  is 
obstropolos." 

I  don't  know  whether  he  got  it  right  or  not, 
but  he  seemed  sure  on't,  and  that  is  half  the  battle, 
so  fur  as  makin'  a  show  is  eoneerned,   in  this  world. 

Jined  to  this  department  is  a  Assembly  Hall,  on 
purpose  for  speakers  and  orators  to  disseminate  the 
best  and  latest  idees  about  agriculture. 

And,  take  it  all  in  all,  what  a  boon  to  Jonesville 
and  the  World  the  hull  exhibit  is  ! 

It  wuz  a  sight  ! 

Wall,  bein'  pretty  nigh  to  it — only  a  little  walk 
acrost  a  tree-shaded  green — I  acceded  to  my  pardner's 
request  that  I  would  go  with  him  to  the  Stock  Ex- 
hibit. He  had  been  before,  but  I  hadn't  got  round 
to  it. 

It  is  sixty-three  acres  big,  forty-four  acres  under 
ruff. 

Think  of  a  house  forty-four  acres  big  ! 

Wall,  here  we  see  every  live  animal  that  wuz 
ever  seen,  from  a  little  trick  pony  to  a  elephant, 
and  from  a  sheep  to  a  camel — a  dretful  interest- 
in'  exhibit,   but  noisy. 

And  all  kinds  of  dogs,  from  a  poodle  to  a  mastiff. 

Why,  there  wuz  one  dog  there  that  wuz  worth 
three  thousand  and  seven  hundred  dollars  ;  it  is  the 
biggest  dog  in  the  world. 


— £^. 


WL'Z   SO    BIG   THAT   IT   WUZ   FAIRLY    SKAIRFUL. 


660  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

But  I  told  Josiah  that  I  wouldn't  gin  a  cent  for 
it  if  I  had  got  to  have  it  round  ;  it  wuz  so  big  that  it 
wuz  fairly  skairful.  Why  it  weighed  about  two  hun- 
dred and  fifty  pounds. 

It  wuz  a  St.  Bernard  ;  but  I  told  Josiah,  "  Santi 
or  not,  I  wouldn't  want  to  meet  it  alone  in  the  back 
lane  in  the  evenin'." 

It  would  skair  a  young  child  into  fits  to  go 
through  this  department ;  some  of  them  wild  creeters 
look  so  ferocious,  especially  the  painters,  they  made 
my  blood  fairly  curdle. 

Wall,  we  stayed  here  for  some  time,  or  until  my 
ear-pans  seemed  to  be  ruined  for  life.  And  then 
we  had  a  little  time  on  our  hands,  and  Josiah 
proposed  that  we  should  go  out  on  the  water  and 
take  a  short  voyage  to  rest  off.  I  gin  a  glad  consent, 
and  we  sot  off. 

Wall,  after  bein'  on  the  water  a  little  while,  I 
begun  to  feel  so  much  rested  that  I  proposed  that 
we  should  row  round  to  the  other  end  of  the 
park,  and  pay  attention  to  some  of  the  State 
Buildin's. 

"  For,"  sez  I,  "  if  the  different  countries  should 
hear  on't  that  I  have  been  here  all  this  while,  with- 
out payin'  'em  any  attention,  they  will  feel  hurt." 
And  sez  I,  "  I  had  rather  give  a  cent  than  to  have 
Great  Britain  feel  hurt,  and  lots  of  the  rest  on  'em. 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAN;.  66 1 

"And  then,"  sez  I,  "it  hain't  right  to  slight  'em, 
even  if  they  never  heard  on't." 

"  Oh,  shaw  !"  sez  Josiah,  "  I  guess  that  they  would 
git  along  if  you  didn't  go  at  all  ;  I  guess  that  they 
hain't  a-sufferin'  for  company  this  vear." 

"  But,"  sez  I  with  dignity,  "this  is  a  fur  differ- 
ent thing,  and  as  fur  as  our  own  United  States 
Buildin's  are  concerned,  I  feel  bound  to  'em,  bein' 
such  a  intimate  friend  to  their  Father-in-law." 

"  What  do  you  mean  ?"  sez  Josiah. 

"Why,  Uncle  Sam,"  sez  I — "  U.  S.  Epluribus 
Unim." 

Agin  he  sez,  "  Oh,  shaw  !"  But  I  held  firm,  and  at 
my  request  the  boat  headed  that  way. 

And  we  landed  as  nigh  'em  as  we  could. 

You  see,  all  the  United  States,  and  most  of  the 
Foreign  Countries,  have  a  separate  buildin',  mostly 
gin  up  to  social  and  friendly  purposes,  where  natives 
of  that  State  and  country  can  go  in  and  rest,  and 
recooperate — see  some  of  their  friends,  and  so  on, 
and  so  forth. 

Wall,  we  laid  out  to  pay  attention  to  a  lot  on 
'cm  thai  daw 

But,  as  it  tinned  out,  we  didn't  go  to  but  jest  three 
on  'em,  the  reasons  of  which  I  will  set  down,  and 
recapitulate. 

I  felt  that  we  had  to  go  to  New  York  and    llli- 


662  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

nois.  Loyalty  and  Politeness  stood  on  both  sides 
of  ns,  a-leadin  us  to  the  home  of  our  own  native 
State,  and  the  folks  we  wuz  a-visitin' ;  and  we  found 
New  York  a  perfect  palace,  modelled  after  an  Ital- 
ian one.  And  the  row  of  green  plants  a-standin'  on 
the  ruff  all  round  made  it  look  real  uneek  and 
dretful  handsome.  And  inside  it  wuz  fitted  up  as 
luxurious  as  any  palace  need  to  be,  with  a  banquet 
hall  eighty-four  feet  long  and  forty-six  feet  high  ;  a 
glow  of  white,  and  gold,  and  red,  and  crystal. 

Yes,  the  hull  house  wuz  pleasant  and  horsepitable, 
as  become  the  dwellin'  place  of  the  Empire  State. 

And  Illinois  !  You  might  know  what  you'd  expect 
to  find  inside,  when  you  see  what  they  had  outside 
on't. 

That  statute,  "  Hide  and  Seek,"  before  the  en- 
trance, wuz,  I  do  believe,  the  very  best  thing  I  see  to 
the  hull  Fair — 

Five  little  children  with  merry,  laughin'  faces 
a-playin'  at  hide  and  seek  in  a  broken  gray  old 
stump,  and  flowers,  and  vines,  and  mosses  a-runnin' 
round  it  and  over  it  as  nateral  as  life. 

Wall,  I  stood  before  that  beautiful  object  till 
Josiah  had  to  draw  me  away  from  it  almost  by 
main  force. 

But  inside  it  come  my  time  to  draw  him  away. 

When  we  see  that  picter  of  the  old  farm  made  in 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 


663 


seeds,  he  wuz  as  rooted  to  the  spot  as  if  he  intended 
to  remain  sot  out  there,  and  grow  up  with  the 
State. 

And  it  wuz  a 
■fretful  interestin' 
sight  —  the  farm- 
house, the  barns, 
the  well,  the  old 
windmill,  the  long 
fields  a-stretehin' 
back,  and  fenced 
off,  with  different 
crops  on  'cm,  the 
good-lookin'  men 
and  wimmen,  and 
the  horses,  with 
their  glossy  hides  and  silky  manes  and  tails,  and  all 
made  of  different  kinds  of  seeds  and  grasses.  It  wuz 
a  sight  to  see  the  crowd  that  stood  before  that  from 
mornin'  till  night,  and  vmi  ask  ten  folks  what  impress- 
ed 'em  the  most  at  the  Fair,  and  more'n  half  on  'em 
would  most  likely  say  that  it  wuz  that  seed  picter 
in  the  Illinois  Buildin'.  Over  one  side  on't  wuz 
draped  sunthin'  that  I  took  to  he  the  very  richest 
silk  or  velvet,  all  fringed  out  with  a  dee})  fringe  on 
the  end  on't.  But  it  wuz  all  made  of  grasses  of 
different  kinds — the  idee  !      Fifteen  young  ladies  of 


He  wuz 


CL- 
OUTED   TO    THE   SPOT. 


664  SAMANTIIA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Illinois  made  that,  and  they  done  first-rate.  I  want 
'em  to  know  what  I  think  on't,  and  what  Josiah  duz. 

Wall,  inside  the  buildin'  wuz  full  and  runnin' 
over  with  beautiful  objects — lovely  picters,  noble 
statuary,  beautiful  works  of  art  and  industry  done 
by  the  sons  and  daughters  of  the  State. 

It  would  take  more'n  a  week  to  do  any  justice  to 
it.  Illinois  done  splendid.  I  want  her  to  know 
how  1  appreciated  it.  She'll  be  glad  to  know  how 
riz  up  I  felt  there. 

Wall,  when  we  left  there  we  had  a  little  dialogue 
— not  mad  exactly,  but  earnest. 

I  wanted  to  go  and  see  Great  Britain,  and  Josiah 
wanted  to  go  to  Vermont  (he  has  got  a  third  cousin 
a-livin'  there,  and  he  wanted  to  see  him).  "Wall," 
sez  I,  "we've  got  a  mother  to  tend  to;  the 
Mother  Country  calls  for  a  little  filial  attention." 

"Oh,  shaw  !"  sez  he;  "I  guess  you  feel  more 
related  than  they  do  ;  and,"  sez  he,  "  I  shall  go  to 
Vermont.  Mebbv  I  shall  meet  Bildad  Allen  right 
there  in  the  settin'-room." 

So  there  it  wuz — we  wuz  both  determined.  I  see 
by  my  companion's  mean  that  it  wouldn't  do  to 
insist  on  Great  Britain. 

But  a  woman  hates  to  give  in  awful.  So  I  sug- 
gested makin'  a  compromise  on  California. 

And  he  agreed  to  it.      He,  too,  had  seen  a  look  of 


666  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

marble  determination  on  my  mean,  and  he  dassent 
press  the  Vermont  question  too  hard. 

So  we  directed  our  steps  towards  the  California 
Buildin'.  It  is  a  exact  reproduction  of  the  old 
Monastery  of  San  Diego,  and  one  hundred  thou- 
sand square  feet  is  the  size  on't. 

It  is  full  of  the  products  of  California.  Sech  fruit 
and   flowers    I    never  see,  and  don't  expect  to  agin. 

The  flowers  wuz  gorgeous,  and  perfectly  beautiful, 
and  I  spoze,  though  I  don't  really  want  to  twit  'em  of 
it,  yet  1  do  spoze  they  brought  every  mite  of  fruit 
out  of  California  for  this  occasion.  I  don't  spoze 
there  wuz  a  orange  left  there,  or  a  grape,  nor  any- 
thing else  in  the  line  of  fruit.  Mebby  there  might 
a  been  one  or  two  green  oranges  left,  but  I 
doubt  it. 

And  as  for  canned  and  dried  fruit,  I  don't  spoze 
there  wuz  a  teacupful  left  in  the  hull  State. 

Why,  jest  think  of  the  dried  prunes  it  must  have 
took  to  make  that  horse  that  wuz  rared  up  there 
seven  feet  from  the  floor  ! 

And  wuzn't  that  horse  a  sight  to  see? — jest  as 
nateral  as  though  he  wuz  made  of  flesh  instead  of 
fruit. 

I  hearn,  but  mebby  it  come  from  some  of  their 
own  folks — but  I  hearn  that  California  had  the  best 
exhibits  of  all  kinds  of  any   of   the   States.      But  I 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  66/ 

wouldn't  want  it  told  from  me.  I  don't  want  to  git 
thirty  or  forty  States  mad  as  a  hen  at  me  ;  the  States 
are  dretful  touchy,  anyway,  in  the  matter  of  State 
Rights  and  pride. 

But  the  show  wuz  impressive — dretful. 

This  houSe  wuz  built,  I  spoze,  in  honor  of  Spain, 
like  a  old  Spanish  Mission  Buildin'  ;  and  up  in  the 
towers  which  rise  up  on  the  four  corners  are  belfrys, 
in  which  are  some  of  (lie  old  Spanish  hells,  that  still 
ring  out  and  eall  to  prayers,  when  the  good  old 
Fathers  that  used  to  hear  'em,  and  the  Injun  converts, 
generations  and  generations  of  'em,  have  slept  so 
sound  that  the  hells  can't  wake 'em. 

And  the  bells  still  swing  out  over  this  restless  and 
ambitious  generation,  and  they  will  swing  and  eeho 
jest  the  same  when  we  too  have  gone  to  sleep,  and 
sleep  sound. 

Oueer,  hain't  it,  that  a  little  dead  lump  of  metal 
should  outlive  the  beatin'  human  heart — the  active, 
outreachin'  human  life,  with  its  world-wide  activities 
and  Heaven-high  aspiration  ? 

Rut  so  it  is  ;  generations  and  generations  are  horn, 
live,  and  die,  and  the  old  bells,  a-takin'  life  easy,  jest 
swing  on,  and  ring  out  jest  as  sweet  and  calm  and 
kinder  careless  at  our  death  as  at  our  birth. 

The  hells  sounded  dretful  melancholy  and  heart 
achin'  to  me  ;  that  day  they  seemed  to  he  soundin' 


668  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

a  requiem  clear  from  California  to  Jonesville  for  the 
good  Man  who  had  passed  away. 

Jest  as  we  went  down  the  steps  we  hearn  a 
bystander  a-tellin'  another  one  "  that  Leland  Stan- 
ford wuz  dead."  And  I  wuz  fearful  rousted  up 
about  it  ;  I  felt  like  death  to  hear  on't  ;  and  to  think 
that  I  never  had  a  chance  to  tell  him  what  I  thought 
on  him.  I  was  fearful  agitated,  and  almost  by  the 
side  of  myself  ;  but  jest  at  that  juncture — jest  as  I 
sez  to  Josiah,  "  I  shouldn't  felt  so  bad  if  I  had  had  a 
chance  to  tell  him  what  1  thought  on  him,  and  en- 
courage him  in  his  noble  doin's,  and  warn  him  in  one 
or  two  things" — jest  at  that  minit,  sez  Josiah, 
"  I've  lost  my  bandanny  handkerchief  ;"  and  he  told 
me,  "To  wait  there  for  him,  that  he  thought  that 
he  remembered  where  he  had  dropped  it — back  in 
a  antick  room  in  the  back  part  of  the  house." 

And  I  thought  more'n  like  as  not  that  wuz  the 
last  I  should  see  of  him  for  hours  and  hours,  the 
crowd  wuz  so  immense  and  the  search  wuz  so  on- 
certain. 

But  it  wuz  a  good  new  handkerchief — red  and 
yeller,  with  a  palm-tree  pattern  on  it — and  I  couldn't 
discourage  him  from  huntin'  for  it. 

And  jest  as  he  turned  to  go  back,  he  sez — 

"Why,  if  there  hain't  Deacon  Rogers  of  Loon* 
town  !" 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  669 

And  he  advanced  onto  a  good-lookin'  man,  who 
wuz  a-standin'  some  distance  off. 

My  pardner  put  out  his  hand  and  stepped  forward 
with  a  glad  face  till  he  got  to  within  three  feet  of 
him,  and  then  his  gladness  died  out,  and  he  looked 
meachin'. 

It  wuzn't  Rogers.  And  my  pardner  jest  turned 
on  his  tracks,  and  disappeared  round  the  buildin.' 
A  bystander  who  wuz  a-standin'  by  spoke  up  and  sez  : 

"That  is  Governor  Markham,  of  California." 

"  Why'ee  !"  sez  I,  "is  that  so  ?"  and  then  the 
thought  come  to  me  that  the  pityin'  Providence 
that  had  removed  Senator  Stanford  from  my  en- 
couragement, and  warnin',  had  throwed  this  man  in 
my  way. 

I  see  in  a  minit  what  would  be  expected  of  me 
both  by  the  nation  and  by  my  own  Gardeen  Angel 
of  Duty. 

I  must  encourage  him  bv  tellin'  him  what  I 
thought  of  the  noble  doin's  of  one  of  his  folks,  and 
I  must  warn  him  on  a  few  things,  and  git  him  to 
turn  round  in  his  tracks. 

So  I  advanced,  and  accosted  him. 

He  was  a-standin'  out  a  little  ways  to  one  side 
a-lookin'  up  to  the  handsome  front  of  the  house,  and 
I  sez  to  him,  in  a  voice  nearly  tremblin'  with  emo- 
tion— 


670  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    World's    FAIR. 

"  I  have  wanted  to  tell  you,  Governor  Markham, 
how  I  feel,  and  how  Josiah  feels." 

lie  turned  round  and  looked  kinder  surprised, 
hut  good-natered,  and  T  see  then  that  he  wuz  a 
real  good-lookin'  man,  and  sex  he     "  Who  is  Josiah  ?" 

And  I  sez,  "My  own  pardner.  T  am  Josiah 
Allen's  Wife." 

And  as  I  sez  this,  bein'  very  polite,  I  kinder  bowed 
my  head,  and  he  kinder  bowed  his  head  too.  \\Y 
appeared  real  well,  both  on  us. 

And  sez  I,  "  We  feel  it  dretful,  the  passin'  away 
and  expirin'  of  one  of  your  folks." 

And  sez  he,  "  You  allude   to    Senator  Stanford?" 

And  I  sez,  "Yes  ;  when  I  think  of  that  noble 
school  of  hisen  that  he  has  sot  up  there  in  your 
great  State — the  finest  school  in  the  world  for  poor 
boys  and  poor  girls,  as  well  as  rich  ones — when 
I  think  what  that  great  educational  power  is  a-goin' 
to  do  for  the  children  of  this  great  country,  rich 
and  poor,  I  think  on  him  almost  by  the  side  of 
Christopher  Columbus.  For  if  Christopher  discov- 
ered a  new  world,  Senator  Stanford  wuz  a-takin' 
the  youth  of  this  country  into  a  new  realm — 
a-sailin'  em  out  into  a  new  world,  and  a  grander  one 
than  they'd  any  idee  on — a-sailin'  'em  out  on  the 
great  ship  of  his  magnificent  Charity  ;  and  that  Ship," 
sez  I,  in  a  kind  of  a  tremblin'  voice,  "  wuz  wafted 


SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  67 1 

out  at  first  on  the  sombre  wings  of  a  heart-breakin' 
sorrow  ;  but  they  grew  white,"  sez  I — "  they  grew 
silver  white  as  that  great  Ship  sailed  on  and  on. 

"And  up  through  the  cloudless  blue  overhead  I 
believe  an  angel  looks  down  smilin'ly  and  lovin'ly 
on  what  has  been  done,  and  what  is  a-doin'  now 
that  youth  whose  tender  heart,  while  he  walked  with 
man,  wuz  so  tender  and  compassionate  to  the  poor, 
and  so  wise  to  help  "em." 

1  he  Governor  showed  plain  in  his  good-lookin' 
faee  how  deeply  he  felt  what  T  said,  and  I  hastened 
to  add 

"  I  wanted  to  thank  him  who  is  gone  for  this 
great  and  noble  work  ;  and  as  he  has  passed  on  be- 
vend  this  world's  praise,  or  blame,  I  want  to  tell  you 
about  it,  seein'  that  you're  at  the  head  of  the  family. 

"  1  speak,"  sez  T,  "  in  the  name  of  Jonesville  !" 

"  Whose  name  ?"  sez  he. 

And  I  sez,  "  My  own  native  land,  Jonesville,  nigh 
to  Loontown,  seven  milds  from  Zoar." 

"Oh  !"  sez  he. 

"Yes,"  sez  I,  "Jonesville  wuz  proud  of  hisdoin's, 
and  she  thinks  a  sight  of  California. 

"  But  in  one  thing  she  feels  bad  :  she  don't  want 
California  to  make  so  much  wine  ;  she  wishes  you'd 
stop  it. 

"  She's  proud  of  your  fruit,  your  flowers,  your  big 


6j2  SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S    FAIR. 

trees,  and  other  products,  but  she  wishes  you'd  stop 
makin'  so  much  wine.  Jonesville  wouldn't  care  if 
you  made  a  couple  of  quarts  for  sickness  or  jell,  but 
she  feels  as  if  she  couldn't  bear  to  see  you  swing  out 
and  make  so  much."  Sez  I,  "  Jonesville  and  I  want 
you    to    stop  makin'  it — we  want  you  to  like  dogs." 

And  then  sez  I,  in  still  firmer  axents,  "  It  hain't 
a-settin'  a  good  example  to  the  schoolchildren  in 
Palo  Alto  and  the  United  States." 

He  looked  real  downcasted  and  sad,  some  as  if 
he'd  never  thought  on't  in  that  light  before. 

He  didn't  really  promise  me,  but  I  presoom  to 
say  that  he  won't  never  make  another  drop. 

But  his  face  looked  dretful  deprested.  I  see  that 
he  felt  it  deeply  to  think  I  had  found  fault  with 
him. 

But  to  resoom.  Sez  I — for  here  my  gardeen 
angel  hunched  me  hard  and  told  me  that  here  wuz 
a  chance  to  do  good — mebby  the  Governor  could 
carry  out  the  wishes  of  him  that  wuz  gone — sez  I, 
"  Another  great  thing  that  Jonesville  and  I  approve 
of  wuz  Senator  Stanford's  bill  about  lendin'  money." 
Sez  I,  "  There  never  wuz  a  better  bill  brought  be- 
fore America,  and  if  Uncle  Sam  don't  pass  it,  he 
hain't  the  old  man  I  think  he  is. 

"For,"  sez  I,  "jest  take  the  case  of  Jim  Widrig 
alone  ;  that  would   pay  for  the  trouble  of  passin'  it. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  6?$ 

"  He  has  got  a  big  farm  of  more'n  two 
hundred  acres,  but  the  land  is  all  run  down — he  can't 
raise  nothin'  on  it  hardly,  it  needs  enrichin'  so  ;  he 
hain't  no  stock,  and,  as  he  often  sez,  '  If  I  should 
run  in  debt  for  'em,  we  should  soon  be  landed  in  the 
Poor- House.'      He's  got  a  wife  and  seven  boys. 

"Wall,  now  if  he  could  only  bony  2000  dollars 
of  Uncle  Sam,  and  only  pay  forty  dollars  a  year  for 
it — why,  they  would  be  jest  made. 

"They  could  put  on  twenty  young  cows  on  the 
place,  two  good  horses,  and  go  right  on  to  suc- 
cess, for  Jim  is  hard-workin',  and  Mahala  Widrig 
is  one  of  the  best  hard-workin'  wimmen  in  the 
precincks  of  Jonesville,  and  I  don't  believe  she 
has  got  a  second  dress  to  her  back." 

The  Governor  murmured  sunthin'  about  a  en- 
gagement he  had.  He  looked  worried  and  anx- 
ious, but  I  and  my  Gardeen  Angel  hadn't  no 
idee  of  lettin'  him  go  while  there  wuz  a  chance  for 
us  to  plead  for  the  Right. 

And  I  hastened  to  say,  "  Uncle  Sam  needn't  be 
'fraid  of  lendin'  money  on  that  farm,  for  it  is  there 
solid,  clear  down  to  China  ;  it  can't  run  away." 

The  Governor  kinder  moved  off  a  little,  as  if  med- 
itatin'  flight,  and  I  spoke  up  some  louder,  bein'  de- 
termined to  do  all  I  could  for  Mahala  Widrig — 
good,  honest,  hard-workin'  creeter. 


6/4 


A.MAXTIIA    A: 


WORLD  S    1  AIR. 


Sez  I,  "It  will  be  the  makin'  of  Jim  Widrigses 
folks  and  more'n  fifty  others  right  there  round  Jones- 
ville,  to  say  nothin'  about  the  hull  of  the  United 
States ;  and  it  will  be  money  in  Uncle  Sam's  pocket, 
tot),  in  the  end,  and  he  will  own 
up   to   me  that   it  is." 

The  Governor  here  took  out 
his  watch  and  looked  at  it  almost 
onbeknown  to  me,  1  wuz  so  took 
up  a-talkin'  for  Justice  and  Ma- 
hala. 

Sez  I,  "  This  bill  will  bring 
money  into  Unele  Samuel's  pock- 
et in  the  end,  for  it  will  keep  the 
boys  to  hum  on  the  old  farm." 
Sez  I,  "It  is  Poverty  that  has 
clriv  the  boys  off — hard  work, 
high  taxes,  and  ruinous  mortgages 
drives  to  the  city  lots  of  'em,  to 
add  to  the  pauper  and  criminal 
classes—  -bovs  that  Uncle  Sam  might  have  kep  to 
hum  by  the  means  1  speak  of,  to  grow  up  into  sober, 
respectable,  prosperous  citizens,  a  strength  and  a 
safeguard  to  the  Republic,  but  whom  he  now  will 
have  to  support  in  prisons  and  almshouses,  a  danger 
and  menace  to  the  Goverment. 

"  Poor  Uncle  Sam  ! — poor,  well-meanin',   but  oft 


The    Governor    took 

WATCH. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR.  675 

misguided  old  erector!  It  would  be  easier  for  him, 
if  he  only  knew  it,  to  do  what  Mr.  Stanford  wanted 
him  to. 

"  Besides,  think  of  the  masses  of  fosterin'  crime 
he  would  be  a-pressin'  back  and  a-turnin'  into  good, 
{Hire  influences  to  bless  the  world  !  And  besides, 
the  oncounted  gain  to  Heaven  and  earth  !  Uncle 
Sam  would  git  the  two-cent  mortgages  back  a 
dozen  times  in  the  increase  of  taxable  property." 

The  Governor  murmured  agin  that  he  wuz  want- 
ed to  once,  in  a  distant  part  of  the  citv — he  must 
start  for  California  imegatlv,  and  on  the  next  train. 
Sez  he  incoherently,  "  That  school  wuz  about  to 
open  ;  he  must  be  to  the  University  to  once." 

lie  wuz  nearly  delirious — I  spoze  he  wuz  nearly 
overcome  by  my  remarkable  eloquence,  but  don't 
know. 

But  as  he  sot  off,  a-movin'  backward  in  a  polite 
way  but  swift,  entirely  onbeknown  to  him  he  come 
up  aginst  a  big  tree,  and  with  a  hopeless  look  of 
resignation  he  leaned  up  aginst  it,  while  I,  a-feelin' 
that  Providence  had  interfered  to  give  me  another 
chance  at  him,  advanced  onwards,  and  sez  to  him  in 
a  real  eloquent  way,  "That  bill  will  do  more  than 
any  amount  of  beggin',  or  jawin',  or  preachin',  tow- 
ards keepin'  the  boys  to  hum  on  the  old  deserted 
farms  that  are  so  thick  in   the  country  ;  and,"  sez  1, 


6/6  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

"  now  that  bill  has  fell  out  of  his  hands,  1  want 
you  to  take  it  up  and  pass  it  on  to  sueeess." 

Sez  I,  "  Let  Uncle  Sam  and  you  go  out,  as  1 
have,  in  the  country  byroads  in  Jonesville,  and 
Loontown,  and  Zoar,  and  you'll  both  gin  in  that 
I'm  a-tellin'  the  truth." 

Sez  I,  "If  it  hain't  a  pitiful  sight  in  one  short 
mornin's  ride  to  go  by  more'n  a  dozen  of  them 
poor  deserted  old  homes,  as  I  have  many  a  time, 
and  I  spoze  they  lay  jest  as  thick  scattered  all 
over  the  State  and  country  as  they  do  round  Jones- 
ville." 

Sez  I,  "  To  see  them  old  brown  ruffs  a-humpin' 
themselves  up  jest  as  lonesome-lookin'  and  cold — 
no  smoke  a-comin'  out  of  the  chimblys  to  cheer  'em 
up — to  see  the  bare  winders  a-facin'  the  west,  and 
no  bright  eyes  a-lookin'  out,  nor  curly  locks  for  the 
sunlight  to  git  tangled  in — to  see  the  poor  old 
door-step  a-settin'  there  alone,  as  if  a-tellin'  over  its 
troubles  to  the  front  gate,  and  that  a-creakin'  back 
to  it  on  lonesome  nights  or  cold,  fair  mornin's — 

"  And  the  old  well-sweep  a-pintin'  up  into  the 
sky  overhead,  as  if  a-callin'  Heaven  to  witness  that 
it  wuzn't  to  blame  for  the  state  of  things — 

"  And  the  apple  trees,  with  low  swingin'  branches, 
with  no  bare  brown  feet  to  press  on  'em  on  the 
way  up  to  the  robin's  nest  overhead — empty   barns, 

^0 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLDS    FAIR. 


677 


ruins,  weedy  gardens,   long,   lonesome  stretches  of 
paster  and  medder  lands — 

"  Why,  if  Uncle  Sam  could  look  on  sech  sights, 
and  have  me  right  by  him  to  tell  him  the  reason 
on't — to  tell  him  that  two  thousand  dollars  lent  on 


"  If  Uncle  Sam  could  have  me  right  by  him  to  tell  him  the  reason.  " 

easy  interest  would  turn  every  one  of  them  worth- 
less, decayin'  pieces  of  property  into  beautiful,  flour- 
ishin',  prosperous  homes,  he'd  probable  feel  different 
about  passin'  the  bill  from  what  he  duz  now — 

"When  1    told    him   that   most  generally  out  be- 
hind the  barn,  and  under   the   apple   trees  and  gam- 


6/8  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

brul  ruff,  wuz  crouchin'  the  monster  that  had  sapped 
the  life  out  of  the  hum — the  bloated,  misshapen 
form  of  a  mortgage  at  six  per  cent,  and  that  old,  in- 
satiable monster  had  devoured  and  drinked  down 
every  cent  of  the  earnin's  that  the  hull  family  could 
bring  to  appease  it  with — 

"It  would  open  its  snappin'  old  jaws  and  swaller 
'em  all  down,  and  then  set  down  refreshed  but  un- 
appeased  to  wait  for  the  next  earnin's  to  be  brung 
him. 

''Wall,  now,  if  they  could  pay  off  that  mortgage, 
and  git  rid  of  it,  they  could  walk  over  its  prostrate 
form  into  prosperity  ;  they  could  afford  to  lighten 
up  the  bare  poverty  of  a  country  farm,  so  repellin' 
to  the  young,  with  some  touches  of  brightness. 
Books,  music,  good  horses,  carriages  would  preach 
louder  lessons  of  content  to  the  children  than  any 
they  would  hear  from  their  pa's  or  ma's  or  minis- 
ters. 

"  They  would  love  their  hums — would  make  them 
yield,  instead  of  ruin  and  depressin'  influences,  a 
good  income  to  themselves,  and  good  tax-payin' 
property  to  help  Uncle  Sam — 

"  Decrease  vice,  increase  virtue — lead  away  from 
prisons  and  almshousen,  lead  toward  meetin'-hous- 
en,  and  the  halls  of  justice,  mebby.  For  in  the 
highest  places  of   trust  and  honor  in    the   United 


SAMANTHA     VF    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR.  679 

States  to-day  is  to  he  found  the  sons  and  daughters 
of  country  homes." 

Here,  at  jest  this  juncture,  my  umhrell  felloul  of 
my  hand,  and  it  hrunsf  mv  eyes  down  to  earth  aefin  ; 
for  sometime,  entirely  onbeknown  to  me,  I  had  been 
a-lookin'  up  into  the  encirclin'  heavens,  and  a-soarin' 
round  there  in  oratory. 

But  as  my  eyes  fell  onto  the  Governor,  I  no- 
ticed the  extreme  weariness  and  mute  agony  on  his 
liniment ;  he  picked  up  my  umhrell  and  handed  it 
to  me,  and  sez  he,  a-speakin'  fast  and  agitated,  as  if 
in  fear  of  sunthin'  or  rather  : — 

"  Your  remarks  are  truly  eloquent,  and  I  believe 
every  word  on  'em  ;  but,"  sez  he,  "  I  have  an  engage- 
ment of  nearly  life  and  death  ;  I  must  leave  you," 
and  he  sot  off  nearly  on  a  run. 

And  I  spread  mv  umbrell  and  walked  off  with 
composure  and  dignity  to  tackle  the  next  buildin', 
which  wuz  Oregon. 

But  my  pardner  jined  me  at  that  minit  with  his 
handkerchief  held  triumphantly  in  his  hand. 

And  at  his  earnest  request  we  didn't  examine 
clost  any  of  the  State  buildin's — that  is,  we  didn't 
go  in  and  look  'em  over  ;  but,  from  the  outside  view, 
we  had  a  high  opinion  on  'em. 

They  wuz  beautiful  and  extremely  gorgeous,  some 
on  'em. 


6SO  SAMANTHA   AT   THE    WORLD'S   FAIR. 

And  they  looked  real  good,  too,  and  wuz  com- 
fortable inside,  I  hain't  a  doubt  on't. 

I  felt  bad  not  to  pay  attention  to  every  State  jest 
as  they  come,  and  I  know  that  they'll  feel  it  if  they 
ever  hear  on't. 

But,  as  Josiah  said,  there  wuz  so  many  to  pay  at- 
tention to  'em,  that  they  wouldn't  mind  so  much  as 
if  they  wuz  more  alone  and  lonely. 

Wall,  Josiah  felt  as  if  he'd  got  to  have  a  bite  of 
sunthin'  to  eat,  and  so  we  sot  off  at  a  pretty  good 
jog  for  the  nearest  restaurant,  and  there  we  got  a 
good  lunch,  and  after  we  had  done  eatin',  and 
Josiah  wuz  in  a  real  good  frame  of  mind,  to  all 
human  appearance,  I  sez,  "  I'm  a-goin'  to  see  Hatye, 
if  I  don't  see  nothin'  else." 

And  Josiah  sez,  "Where  is  Hatye?" 
And    I    sez,    "  Not    but    a    little    ways    from    the 
German   Buildin'." 

And  sez  he,  "Who  is  Hatye,  anyway?" 
And  1  sez,  "  Hatye  is  one  of  the  first  islands  that 
Columbus  discovered,  and  it  ort  to  take  a  front 
rank  in  his  doin's,  and  for  lots  of  other  reasons, 
too,"  sez  1.  "  It  is  there  that  we  sec  the  exhibit  of 
our  colored  men  and  bretheren." 

We  found  Hatye  a  good-lookin'  buildin',  a  story 
and  a  half  high,  with  a  good-lookin'  dome  a-risin' 
out  of  the  centre. 


QK<?« 


Josiah  Allen's  wife,  Hatye  has  honk  real  well,  and  I  am  glad 

THAT    I    DISCOVERED    IT." 


682  SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

And  inside  on't  we  found  exhibits  in  fruit,  grain, 
and  machinery,  and  all  sorts  of  products,  and  in  the 
picters  and  other  works  of  art  we  see  that  the 
Hatyeans  wuz  a-doin'  first  rate. 

And,  as  I  remarked  to  Josiah,  sez  I,  "If  Christo- 
pher Columbus  stood  right  here  by  my  side,  he'd 
say — 

"'Josiah  Allen's  wife,  Ilatye  has  done  real  well, 
and  I  am  glad  that  I  discovered  it.'" 

Wall,  that  night,  when  I  got  back  to  Miss 
Plankses,  I  found  a  letter  from  Tirzah  Ann,  and 
my  worst  apprehensions  I  had  apprehended  in  her 
case  wuz  realized. 

She  and  Whitfield  wuzn't  a-comin'  to  the  Fair 
at  all. 

By  the  time  she  got  her  oyster-shell  stockin's 
done,  the  weather  had  moderated,  so  it  wuz  too 
cool  to  wear  'em,  and  it  was  too  late  then  to  begin 
woosted  ones  (of  course,  she  could  buy  stockin's, 
but  she  wuz  sot  on  havin'  hand-made  ones,  bein'  so 
much  nicer,  and  so  much  more  liable  to  attract 
respect  and  admiration) — 

And  then  by  that  time  the  weather  wuz  so 
variable  that  she  didn't  know  whether  to  take  sum- 
mer clothes  or  winter  ones,  and  so  she  dallied  along 
till  it  got  so  late  that  Whitfield  didn't  dast  to  take 
her  out  at  all,  she  wuz  so  kinder  mausrer. 


SAMANTHA  AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  683 

She  had  wore  herself  all  out  a-bonin'  down  and 
knittin'  them  stockin's,  and  embroiderin'  them  night- 
shirts, and  preparin'  for  the  Fair,  so  they  gin  up 
comin'. 

1  felt  bad. 


CHAPTER    XXI. 

Wall,  it  wuz  all  settled  as  I  wanted  it  to  he. 
Them  two  angels,  as  1  couldn't  hardly  keep  call- 
in'  'em,  if  one  of  'em  wuz  a  he  angel — them  two 
lovely  good  creeters  wuz  married  right  in  the 
place  where  I  wanted  'em  to  he  married — right 
in  our  parlor,  in  front  of  the  picter  of  Grant, 
and  not  fur  hack  of  the  hangin'  lamp,  hut  fur 
enough  hack  so's  to  allow  of  a  lovely  hell  of  white 
roses  and  lilies  to  swing  over  their  heads. 

The  hell  wuz  made  of  the  white  roses,  and  a  fair 
white  lily  hung  down,  a-swingin'  its  noiseless  music 
out  into  the  hearts  helow — sacred  music  which  we 
all  seemed  to  hear  in  our  inmost  hearts  as  we  looked 
into  the  faces  that  stood  under  that  magic  bell. 

Isahelle  had  on  a  white  muslin  gown,  plain,  hut 
shear  and  fine,  and  she  wore  a  hunch  of  white  roses 
at  her  belt  and  at  her  white  throat,  and  she  carried 
in  her  hand  a  hunch  of  rare  ones. 

But  it  all  corresponded,  for  she  wuz  the  white 
lily  herself,  as  tall,  and  fair,  and  queenly. 

Only  when    the  words   wuz  said  that  made  her 


SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR.  685 

Tom's  wife,  her  cheeks  flushed  up  as  no  white  lily 
ever  did,  even  under  the  sun's  rosiest  rays. 

But  a  sun  wuz  a-shinin'  on  her  that  went  beyend 
any  earthly  sun — it  wuz  the  rays  of  the  great  planet 
Love  that  illuminated  her  face,  and  lit  up  her 
glorified  eves  with  the  light  that  wuz  never  on  sea 
nor  on  shore. 

Her  husb?nd  looked  right  into  her  face  all  the 
while  the  Elder  wuz  a-unitin'  'em,  a-lookin'  at  her 
as  if  he  could  not  quite  believe  in  his  happiness  yet- 
looked  at  her  as  one  looks  at  a  pearl  of  great  price, 
when  he  has  recovered  it  after  a  long  loss. 

I  sez  to  Josiah,  as  I  see  that  look  on  his  face — 

"  Many  waters  may  not  quench  it,  Josiah  Allen, 
nor  floods  drown  it,  can  they  ?" 

And  he  brung  me  back  to  the  present  by  remark- 
in' — 

"  I  wouldn't  bring  up  drowndins  and  conflagra- 
tions at  such  a  time  as  this,  Samantha." 

And  I  sithed  and  sez  to  myself,  what  I  have  said 
so  many  times  to  she  that  wuz  Samantha  Smith,  in 
strict  confidence — 

"  How  different,  how  different  Josiah  Allen  and  I 
look  at  things  !  And  still  we  worship  each  other, 
jest  about." 

Wall,  Thomas  Jefferson  and  Maggie  wuz  there, 
and  Tirzah   Ann   and   Whitfield,   and  the  children, 


686  SAMANTHA   AT  THE   WORLD'S   FAIR. 

and  Krit  The  two  girls,  our  daughters,  wuz  dressed 
in  white,  and  the  Babe  stood  up  by  the  bride  dressed 
in  white,  and  holdin'  a  cunnin'  little  basket  of  posies 
in  her  hand,  and  they  all  looked  pretty,  and  felt 
pretty,  and  acted  so. 

We  had  good  refreshments  to  refresh  ourselves 
with,  and  everything  went  off  happy  and  joyous,  as 
weddings  should,  and  will,  if  True  Love  stands  up 
with  'em  ;  and  she  is  the  only  Bridesmaid  worth  a 
cent. 

( I  am  aware  that  it  is  usual  to  call  Love  a  he,  but 
I  believe  in  fair  play,  and  you  may  as  well  call  it  a 
she  once  in  a  while,  specially  as  the  female  sect  are 
as  lovin'  agin  as  the  he  ones,  so  I  think.) 

Wall,  they  had  lots  and  lots  of  presents — nice  ones 
too.  Mr.  Freeman's  gift  to  her  wuz  two  diamond 
and  ruby  bracelets,  that  shone  on  her  white  wrists 
like  sparks  of  fire  and  dew. 

Them  diamonds  seemed  to  be  the  mates  of  the 
ones  that  had  burned  on  her  finger  ever  sence  a  day 
or  two  after  they  met  at  the  World's  Fair. 

So  you  see,  though  she  gin  her  jewels  away  in 
her  youth,  she  found  'em  agin  in  her  ripe,  sweet 
womanhood.  She  gin  away  the  jewels  of  her  am- 
bition, her  glowin'  hopes  and  desires,  for  a  career, 
and  she  found  'em  more  than  all  made  up  to 
her. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


687 


But  the  jewels  her  husband  prized  most  in  her 
wuz  the  calm  light  of  patience,  and  love,  and 
womanliness  that  shone  on  her  face.  They  wuz 
made,  them  pure  pearls  of  hern,  as  pearls  always 
are,  by  long  sufferin'  and  endurance,  and  the  "  con- 
stant anguish    of  pa- 

tience-"  (gS^ 

Krit    give    her   for 

his  gift  a  beautiful 
cross  of  precious 
stones,  and  I  mis- 
trusted, from  what  I 
see  in  her  face  when 
he  gin  it  to  her,  that 
he  meant  it  to  be  sym- 
bolical, and  then  agin 
I   don't  know.      But, 

anyway,    she    wore    it    a-fastenin'    the    lace    at    her 
white  throat. 

But  I  do  know  that  the  girls  and  I  gin  her  some 
good  linen  napkins,  and  towels,  and  table-cloths, 
and  the  boys  a  handsome  set  of  books. 

And  I  do  know  that  the  supper  afterwards  wuz, 
although  well  I  know  the  impoliteness  of  my  even 
hint  in'  at  it — I  do  know,  and  1  should  lie  if  I  said 
that  I  didn't  know  it,  that  that  supper  wuz  a  good 
one— as  good  a  one,  so   fur  as   my  knowledge  goes, 


Krit  give  her  a  beautiful  cross. 


688 


SAM  ANT  II A   AT    THE    WORLD  S    FAIR. 


as  wuz  ever  put  on  a  table  in  the  town  of  Lyme,  or 
the  village  of  Jonesville. 

And  Josiah  Allen,  he  eat  too  much — fur,  fur  too 
much.  And  1  hunched  him  three  times  to  that 
effect  at  the  time,  to  no  avail. 

And  once  1  stepped  on  his  toe  — adretful  warnin' 
steppin' — and  he  asked  me  out  loud  and  snappish  (I 
nit  a  corn,  I  spoze,  onbeknownto  me) — and  he  asked 
me  right  out  before  'em  all,  vovalent,  "  What  1 
wuz  a-steppin'  on  his  toe  for  ?" 

And  so,  of  course,  that  curbed  me  in,  and  I  had  to 
let  him  go  on,  and  cut  a  full  swath  in  the  vittles. 
But  it  wuz  some  comfort  for  me  to  think  that  most 
likely  he  wouldn't  be  tempted  by  a  weddin'  sup- 
per agin — not  for  some  time,  anyway.  For  the 
Babe  wuz  but  young  yet,  and  we  wuz  gettin' 
along. 

Yes,  that  hull  weddin'  went  off  perfectly  beauti- 
ful, and  there  wuzn't  but  one  drawback  to  my  hap- 
piness on  that  golden  day  that  united  them  two 
happy  lovers. 

Yes,  onbeknown  to  me  a 
feelin'  of  sadness  come  over 
me — sadness  and  regret. 

It  wuzn't  any  worriment 
and  concern  about  the  fate 
of  Isabelle  and  her  husband 


STEPPED   ON  HIS   TOE. 


SAMANTHA   AT   THE   WORLD'S   FAIR.  689 

— no  ;  True  Love  wuz  a-goin'  out  with  'em  on  their 
weddin'  tower,  and  I  knew  if  he  went  ahead  of  'em, 
and  they  wuz  a-walkin'  in  the  light  of  his  torch, 
their  way  wuz  a-goin'  to  be  a  radiant  and  a  satisfyin' 
one,  whether  it  led  up  hill  or  down  or  over  the  deep 
waters — yea,  even  over  the  swellm  of  Jordan. 

No,  it  wuzn't  that,  nor  anything  relatin'  to  the 
children,  or  my  dress,  or  anything — 

No,  my  dress — a  new  lilock  gray  alpaca — sot  out 
noble  round  my  form,  and  my  new  head-dress  wuz 
foamin'  lookin',  but  it  didn't  foam  too  much. 

No,  it  wuzn't  that,  nor  anything  about  the  neigh- 
bors— no  ;  they  looked  some  envious  at  our  noble 
doin's,  and  walked  by  the  house  considerable,  and 
the  wimmen  made  errents,  and  borrowed  more  tea 
and  sugar,  durin'  the  preparations,  than  it  seemed 
as  if  they  could  use  in  two  years  :  but  I  pitied  'em, 
and  forgive  'em — 

And  it  wuzn't  anything  about  the  children  or 
Krit, 

For  the  children  wuz  happy  in  their  happy  and 
prosperous  hums,  and  Krit,  they  say — 1  don't  tell 
it  for  certain — but  they  say  that  he  come  back 
enLratred  to  a  sweet  voumr  girl  of  Chicago— 

Come  back  from  the  great  New  World  of  the 
World's  Fair,  as  his  illustrious  namesake  went  home 
so  long  ago,  in  chains — 


690  SAMANTHA    AT   THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

Only  Krit's  chains  vvuz  wrought  of  linked  love 
and  blessedness  instead  of  iron— so  they  say. 

I've  seen  her  picter  ;  but  good  land  !  how  can  I 
tell  who  or  what  it  is?  It  is  pretty  as  a  doll,  and 
krit  seems  to  think  his  eyes  on  it  ;  but  he's  so  full 
of  fun,  1  can't  git  any  straight  story  out  of  him. 

But  Thomas  Jefferson  says  she  is  a  bonny  lidy 
girl — a  good  one  and  a  pretty  one,  and  has  got  a 
father  dretful  well  off;  and  he  sez  that  she  and  Krit 
are  engaged.      So  I  spoze  more'n  like  as  not  they  be. 

And  I  also  learnt,  through  a  letter  received  that 
very  day,  that  Mr.  Bolster  has  led  Miss  Plank  to  the 
altar,  or  she  has  led  him — it  don't  make  much  differ- 
ence. Anyway,  she  has  walked  offen  the  Plank  of 
widowhood,  and  settled  down  onto  a  Bolster  for  life. 

1  wuz  glad  on't.  She  wanted  a  companion,  and 
he  loves  to  converse,  Heaven  knows;  and  he  is  sure 
of  one  thing — he's  almost  certain,  or  as  certain  as  we 
can  be  of  anything  in  this  life,  that  he  will  have  the 
best  pancakes  that  hands  can  make  or  spoons  stir  up. 

I  learnt  also  from  her  letter — Miss  Bolster's,  knee 
Plankses — that  Nony  Piddock  wuz  a-goin  into  the 
minister}'.  What  a  case  for  funerals  he  will  be,  and 
shockin'  casualities  !  But  he  won't  be  good  for  much 
on  a  weddin'  occasion. 

And  speakin'  of  weddin's  brings  me  back  to  my 
subject  agin. 


SAMANTHA    AT    THE    WURlJiS    FAIR. 


691 


No,  it  vvuzri't  any  of  these  things  that  cast,  that 
mournful  shadder  on  my  eyebrows,  anon,  and  even 
oftener,  when  I  wuz  out  by  myself — 

And  1  spoze  that  I  might  as  well  tell  what  it  wuz 
that.  I  regretted  and  missed — 

It  wuz  Christopher 
( 'olumbus  !  the  Brave 
Admiral !  good,  noble 
creeter  ! 

1  felt,  in  view  of  all 
he  had  done  for  Amer- 
ica and  the  world,  it 
wuz  too  bad  that  he 
had  to  die  without 
havin'  the  privilege  of 
seein'  Jonesville,  and 
bein'  with  us  that  day, 

and  seein'  what  we  see,  and  hearin5  what  we  heard, 
and  eatin'  what  we  eat — 

It  wuz  his  doin's,  the  hull  on 't  wuz  Christopher 
Columbuses  doin's.  For  if  he  hadn't  discovered 
America,  why,  he  wouldn't  had  no  World's  Fair  for 
him.  And  then  it  stands  to  reason  that  Josiah  and 
I  shouldn't  have  gone  to  it.  And  if  we  hadn't  gone 
to  Miss  Plankses,  Mr.  Freeman  and  Isabelle  wouldn't 
have  met. 

Yes,  I  felt  to  lav  the  praise  of  it  all  to  that   bless- 


Mr.   Bolster  led    Miss  Plank  to  the  altar. 


692  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLDS    FAIR. 

ed  old  mariner — I  felt  that  I  hadn't  done  nothin' 
towards  it  to  what  he  had.  And  I  kep  on  a-sayin' 
to  myself — 

"  Oh,  if  he  could  only  have  been  here,  and  seen 
with  his  own  eyes  what  he  had  done  !" 

And  when  I  thought  how  he  walked  hungry 
through  the  streets  of  Genoa,  oh,  how  I  did  wish 
he  could  have  had  some  of  my  scolloped  oysters,  and 
pressed  chickens,  and  jell-cake,  and  tarts,  and  my 
heartfelt  pity  and  sympathy,  to  say  nothin'  of  other 
vittles,  and  well-meanin'  actions  accordin'. 

Of  course,  I  would  have  been  pleased  to  have  had 
Queen  Isabelle  and  Ferdinand  there — 

There  wuz  cake  enough,  and  ice-cream,  and  oys- 
ters, and  everything.  And  everybody  that  knows 
me  knows  that  I  hain't  one  to  begrech  havin'  one 
or  two  more  visitors  to  wait  on  and  provide  for 
than  I  had  planned  havin'. 

Yes,  I  should  have  been  glad  to  seen  'em,  and 
wait  on  'em.  But  I  didn't  seem  to  care  anything 
about  seein'  'em,  compared  to  my  feelin's  about 
Christopher  Columbus. 

Yes,  Christopher  wuz  my  theme,  and  my  constant 
burden  of  mind. 

But  I  had  to  gin  it  up.  I  couldn't  expect  a  man 
to  live  four  or  five  hundred  years  jest  to  please  me, 
and  gratify  Jonesville. 


<~~ ^^jpKlWWiVp 


HOW    I    DID    WISH    HE    COULD    HAVE    HAD    SOME    OF    MY    SCOLLOPED* 
OYSTERS,    AND    JELL-CAKE,    AND    TARTS. 


694  SAMANTHA   AT    THE    WORLD'S    FAIR. 

No,  Columbus  wuzn't  there.  He  wuz  off  some- 
where a-discoverin'  new  continents,  or  planets, 
mebby. 

For  I  don't  believe  he  crumpled  right  down,  and 
sot  down  forever  on  them  golden  streets. 

No  ;  I  believe  the  eager,  active  mind  would  be 
a-reachin'  out,  a-findin'  out  new  truths,  new  discov- 
eries, so  great  that  it  would  probable  make  us  shet 
our  eyes  before  the  blindin'  glory  of  'em,  if  we  could 
only  git  a  glimpse  of  'em. 

But  there,  in  that  New  World  that  lays  beyend 
the  sunset,  he  is  happy  at  last — blest  in  the  com- 
panionship of  other  true  prophetic  ones,  whose 
■deepest  strivin's  wuz,  like  his,  to  make  the  world 
better  and  wiser — them  who  longed  for  deeper,  fuller 
understanding  and  who  walked  the  narrer  streets 
of  earth,  like  him,  in  chains  and  soul-hunger. 

I  love  to  think  that  now,  onhampered  by  muti- 
nous foes,  or  mortal  weakness,  they  are  a-sailin' 
out  on  that  broad  sea  of  full  knowledge,  and  com- 
prehension, and  divine  sympathy.  Lit  by  the 
sunshine  of  infinite  love,  they  sail  on,  and  on, 
and  on. 

THE    END. 


(Mentforip  bij  Jogiaj  ^lien's  Wife. 


POEMS. 


A  Charming  Volume  of  Poetry.  Beautifully  Illustrated  by 
W.  Hamilton  Gibson  and  other  Artists.  Bound  in  Colors, 
Square  121110,  216  pp.     Cloth,  $2.00. 

"  Will  win  for  her  a  title  to  an  honorable  place  among  American  poets." — Chicago  Standard. 
"  Miss  Holley  has  here  more  than  sustained  her  previous  high  literary  reputation." 

— Interior,    Chicago. 

SAMANTHA  AMONG  THE  BRETHREN. 

By  "Josiah  Allen's  Wife."  Illustrated.  Square  121110,  452  pp. 
Cloth,  $2.50. 

"  !t  is  irresistibly  humorous  and  true." — Hishop  John  P.  ChQczoman. 

"  It  is  as  full  of  meat  as  an  egg.  .  .  .  Calculated  to  do  immense  good  in  that  department  of 
woman's  rights  which  relates  to  her  participation  in  the  great  work  of  the  Church  of  Christ, 
beyond  the  scrubbing  and  papering  of  the  meeting-house." — Ex-Judge  U^Qoah  T>avis. 

"  It  abounds  in  mingled  humor,  pathos  and  inexorable  common  sense." — Will  Carleton. 

"  It  is  exceedingly  entertaining." — OX^cw  York  Observer. 

SWEET  CICELY; 

Or,  Josiah  Allen  as  a  Politician.  A  Fascinating  Story. 
Square  121110,  390  pp.     Cloth,  $2.00. 

"  The  interest  of  the  book  is  intense.  .  .  .  Never  was  such  a  defender  of  woman's  rights, 
never  was  such  an  exponent  of  woman's  wrongs  1  In  Samantha's  pithy,  pointed,  scornful 
utterances  we  have  in  very  truth  the  expression  of  feelings  common  to  most  thoughtful  women, 
well  understood  among  them,  but  rarely  finding  voice  except  in  confidential  intercourses  and  for 
sympathetic  ears.  Other  women  besides  poor  Cicely,  and  warm-hearted,  clear-headed  Saman- 
tha,  and  '  humble  '  Dorlesky  eat  their  hearts  out  over  the  injustice  of  laws  that  they  have  no 
hand  in  making,  andean  have  no  hand  in  altering,  though  ruin  and  agony  arc  their  result.  .  .  . 
It  would  be  impossible  to  find  in  literature  anything  more  pitiful  than  this  story  of  the  struggle 
of  a  gentle-natured  woman  against  the  dangers  which  surround  her  child,  and  lier  agony  as  she 
realizes  her  helplessness  to  avert  evil  from  her  fellow-sufferers.  If  it  were  not  for  the  strong  vein 
of  humor  which  lightens  up  the  darkest  passages,  the  interest  would  be  too  painful.  But  Saman- 
tha  intervenes  with  her  quaint  epigrams  and  keen-witted  analysis,  and  lo,  a  smile  broadens  be- 
fore the  tear  has  dried  !  .  .  .  Alongside  of  the  fun  are  genuine  eloquence  and  profound  pathos  ;  we 
scarcely  know  which  is  the  more  delightful." — The  Literary  World,  London,  Eng. 


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